View Full Version : I'm So Bored; Please Amuse Me - The Wrong Answer Game
jkatra
12-03-2011, 06:21 PM
My children are currently in Saudi Arabia doing cartwheels and eating banana ice cream.
Why are children sometimes annoying?
venuspop
12-04-2011, 05:40 AM
They take after us.
Can we be born unannoying?
thebrainpolice
12-04-2011, 12:46 PM
Yes. There is nothing annoying about crying all the time and making others clean up your poop.
If broccoli is good for you, why does it taste so bad?
Anemoi
12-04-2011, 12:50 PM
Because they have realized about their imminent extinction and have evolved features so that we don't eat them.
Why can birds fly?
Sprelious
12-04-2011, 01:00 PM
Nitrous oxide farts.
Why do birds sing?
thebrainpolice
12-04-2011, 01:06 PM
Because they're not talented enough to play guitar.
Where have all the flowers gone?
Hynra
12-04-2011, 02:28 PM
They went on a cruise to Mexico.
When will they return?
jkatra
12-04-2011, 03:54 PM
December 21st, 2058 at 4:07 am Pacific time.
Why can birds fly?
thebrainpolice
12-04-2011, 05:32 PM
They borrowed advanced technology from aliens.
Why do aliens think its OK to come to earth, abduct people, and anally probe them?
Hynra
12-04-2011, 05:48 PM
Nobody ever told us not to!
Why do you have such problems with being abducted and anally probed?
thebrainpolice
12-04-2011, 06:12 PM
Because the aliens want to do it while I'm watching football.
Why is football so awesome?
Hynra
12-04-2011, 06:25 PM
Because, man, like, feet. Feet, ya know what I mean? :p
But have you ever, like, really looked at your feet? I mean, like, really looked?
venuspop
12-04-2011, 09:42 PM
All the time, lovely Hynra, all the time.
Are you lovely?
jkatra
12-05-2011, 06:50 AM
Everyone is lovely in their own way.
Which country is the best country in the world?
Country music.
What's the future like?
gracious
12-05-2011, 02:00 PM
Actually, I was there when Future sat on the mall Santa's lap and I clearly heard it say it would like a Twilight lunchbox.
Why is Christmas shopping so disagreeable?
Hynra
12-05-2011, 04:01 PM
Her parents gave her a terrible name so she resents the world.
Why do some people insist on giving their children awful "kriativ" names?
venuspop
12-05-2011, 10:58 PM
It had something to do with bad blood.
Can Quality be quantified?
VagrantChord
12-06-2011, 08:11 AM
Yes, but only with M&Ms.
Why can't there be brown M&Ms?
Gerard91
12-06-2011, 11:21 AM
Because racism is still alive.
Why there are no blue skittles in normal series?
VagrantChord
12-06-2011, 11:26 AM
This is the abnormal series and Hershey bought all the blue dye so skittles had to improvise.
Why can't we smell in stereo?
IronSulfide
12-06-2011, 05:14 PM
Our noses are on the wrong frequency.
Why do grenades look like pineapples?
Anemoi
12-06-2011, 05:58 PM
I can't tell because pineapples are now extinct and there's no visual record of them.
Is 1+1=2 a true statement?
thebrainpolice
12-06-2011, 06:03 PM
Based on your avatar you'll never know because you don't have any fingers to count on.
Why do pirates like parrots so much? Aren't dogs better pets?
Hynra
12-06-2011, 06:08 PM
Yes, but any manly dog is bound to be too heavy to keep on your shoulder like that. Also, dogs can't talk.
What would you do if you saw a pirate with a Westie on his shoulder?
venuspop
12-06-2011, 07:34 PM
The Chihuahua called the Westie a pussy.
Does cats still catch rats?
jkatra
12-06-2011, 10:10 PM
They catch colds.
Why should I ever listen to you?
venuspop
12-06-2011, 10:19 PM
Well, look around you.
Who else is here?
Gerard91
12-07-2011, 06:39 AM
Ask the man who wrote this.
Do you think that I may actually be an INTP? That would explain my hatred towards ENTPs who are my natural antagonists.
IronSulfide
12-07-2011, 10:44 AM
Don't ISTJs hate them a great deal more?
thebrainpolice
12-07-2011, 11:23 AM
No. ISTJs are big fluffy balls of love.
Why does food smell bad after I leave it in the back of the refrigerator for three weeks?
IronSulfide
12-07-2011, 01:33 PM
Because your refrigerator smells.
Where can I obtain sliced elephant curry?
jkatra
12-07-2011, 05:13 PM
Akron, Ohio.
Does time exist?
venuspop
12-07-2011, 07:08 PM
No. It is an illusion spun by the sun.
Why would the sun do such a thing?
jkatra
12-07-2011, 10:25 PM
Because the moon can do whatever it wants, so the sun is jealous.
What is my phone number?
venuspop
12-07-2011, 10:35 PM
6. Respect User Privacy
Do not post the contents of private messages on the open forum without the permission of all parties involved. Additionally, we ask that you not reveal personal details about other users without their permission. This specifically includes acts like the posting of addresses or telephone numbers.
What was your question again?
VagrantChord
12-08-2011, 10:29 AM
BR-549
Where is your dog collar?
Gerard91
12-08-2011, 12:43 PM
Well, I could check where it is, but I don't want to move from my chair.
How important is emotional motivation for you?
VagrantChord
12-08-2011, 02:26 PM
About as important as a taser with dead batteries.
What happens if I push your chair into the pool?
Sprelious
12-08-2011, 04:36 PM
You're are charged with pooling chairs. A crime punishable by death in some countries.
If you can table a motion, can you also motion a table?
You can turn table vinyl away from mp3/4.
If you are broke(n), how can you work?
Seriously
12-08-2011, 07:09 PM
Counter clockwise
Why does the cow moo?
jkatra
12-08-2011, 07:24 PM
Because the cow is moooooody.
Why am I corny?
Seriously
12-08-2011, 07:36 PM
It's probably just how you tell the joke.
If I walk a million miles where will I be?
jkatra
12-08-2011, 08:11 PM
Linda's house. But she is on vacation, so you'll have to walk back.
Why isn't everything made of chocolate?
venuspop
12-08-2011, 08:46 PM
Because dogs are allergic to chocolates.
Why are dogs allergic to chocolates?
jkatra
12-08-2011, 10:55 PM
Because cats are made of peanut butter.
Do you like peanut butter?
venuspop
12-09-2011, 04:20 AM
Absolutely, and I don't care if this is not the wrong answer. :p
Is this the right answer?
reiven
12-09-2011, 05:38 AM
asparagus souffle
does it hurt to run a fish hook through a worms gullet?
VagrantChord
12-09-2011, 07:05 AM
Hold still. We'll find out together.
Can you make a souffle with worms?
Gerard91
12-09-2011, 07:22 AM
NO :<
How much do you trust your intuitions?
VagrantChord
12-09-2011, 08:40 AM
Much better now, thank you.
Where is the sound of orange?
IronSulfide
12-09-2011, 10:05 AM
In Florida.
What is the sweet smell of success?
jkatra
12-09-2011, 10:46 AM
It has the aroma of fish, but mixed with the smell of fresh paper currency.
Why can't it rain indoors?
gracious
12-09-2011, 10:48 AM
It can if you hire an irreputable roofing contractor.
How can I become handier around the house?
VagrantChord
12-09-2011, 10:56 AM
Work for that roofing contractor.
Do you pick up a hammer when you need to saw?
gracious
12-09-2011, 11:13 AM
No, I can really handle caulk though.
Should I attend that annual Christmas party next weekend?
VagrantChord
12-09-2011, 11:16 AM
Sure, parties always need entertainment but you'll have to bring your own pole.
Do you have specially made stockings for such parties?
gracious
12-09-2011, 11:20 AM
No, I borrow a pair from Gerard91.
How can I keep my heron claws from poking through the toes?
VagrantChord
12-09-2011, 11:22 AM
Advanced preparation and dry lubricant.
Don't you think it would be easier to rent from Gerard91 instead?
gracious
12-09-2011, 11:35 AM
Probably not since then he'd probably expect me to wash them before returning them.
Why do I accept invitations to social events and then immediately regret it?
Sprelious
12-09-2011, 12:15 PM
Your thinking too much.
Why do I think too much?
jkatra
12-09-2011, 12:30 PM
Excessive indoctrination through childrens TV programming.
Why does the weather exist?
gracious
12-09-2011, 12:34 PM
To give us something to discuss with small talkers.
Does this qualify as small talk?
Fujimoto
12-09-2011, 12:59 PM
No, I'm sorry, this is abuse. You want room 12A, next door.
What is the airspeed velocity of an unladen swallow?
Hynra
12-09-2011, 01:52 PM
eighteen and two-thirds.
Why can't water boil itself?
venuspop
12-09-2011, 06:55 PM
It's already cooked, silly.
Does cooked water taste better than uncooked water?
thebrainpolice
12-09-2011, 07:27 PM
Cooked water is okay, but deep fried water is the best.
Why does everything taste better fried?
venuspop
12-09-2011, 09:22 PM
It's an advertising gimmick to promote motor oil.
Should we promote free thought?
Fujimoto
12-10-2011, 09:00 AM
No, we already had a Black Friday clearance on free thought.
What's the best item to purchase on Black Friday?
Owfin
12-10-2011, 09:20 AM
French fries that are so burnt they look like dark black pieces of charcoal.
What is charcoal used for?
VagrantChord
12-10-2011, 09:51 AM
Charcoal is now being sold to cheaper fast food restaurants to be resold as food.
Why do you keep buying up all those cheap restaurants?
jkatra
12-10-2011, 05:42 PM
There is nothing better to do.
Why are introverts introverted?
thebrainpolice
12-10-2011, 06:25 PM
They realize people suck.
Why would anyone be extroverted?
Owfin
12-10-2011, 07:24 PM
Because they suck. It's okay though; the introverts, being people, also suck.
Who does not suck?
jkatra
12-10-2011, 09:12 PM
Raymond Patterson, a part-time gardener in Peoria, Illinois, currently does not suck.
Why aren't we all dancing right now?
LizzyGirl
12-10-2011, 09:21 PM
Because dancing is of the devil and, as we all know, can cause demonic possession.
Team Jacob or Team Edward?
venuspop
12-11-2011, 02:14 AM
Steam is usually the first sign of an impending eruption. We're talking about a volcanic eruption here. ;)
How does a volcano gather all those stuff to spew out in an eruption?
thebrainpolice
12-11-2011, 06:16 AM
Volcanoes are compulsive hoarders. To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 15 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
What causes earthquakes.
Sprelious
12-11-2011, 07:42 AM
God Bowling
What causes bowling?
Gerard91
12-11-2011, 08:18 AM
The bowling clan of Marshmallows.
What does happen when you scream at a marshmallow?
reiven
12-11-2011, 12:05 PM
you negate 40 years of social engineering and will probably be arrested for intolerance.
why do phone wires come in so many weird colors?
Hynra
12-11-2011, 12:07 PM
So we can categorize them.
Why do clouds float?
Gerard91
12-11-2011, 01:04 PM
It's obvious, God ordered them to float.
Isn't heaven and hell ridiculous? Place of ultimate comfort, and ultimate pain? That sounds more like life of rich and poor people.
jkatra
12-11-2011, 01:16 PM
Hell isn't so bad: Detroit is lovely this time of year.
Why can't we become invisible?
Sprelious
12-11-2011, 02:05 PM
Seeing is believeing
Isn't every sight a sight?
Gerard91
12-11-2011, 02:08 PM
What about insider and outsider? And Oktoberfest?
Sprelious
12-11-2011, 02:30 PM
It pales in comparison to outliers.
Is that an answer - question combination?
jkatra
12-11-2011, 03:22 PM
It's a pizza-soda combo for only $5.99.
How many fast food combos are there?
venuspop
12-11-2011, 08:24 PM
That is not important. What is important is the next question.
How fast can fast food be?
VagrantChord
12-12-2011, 10:58 AM
Your order is ready before you asked for it.
Would you like fries with that?
Gerard91
12-12-2011, 11:09 AM
Only with some extra ketchup!!!
Do you like to eat vegetable pizza?
VagrantChord
12-12-2011, 02:37 PM
Yes, but only if it's garnished with socks.
Will you pay extra if I deliver your socks in less than 30 minutes?
IronSulfide
12-12-2011, 04:05 PM
Not unless they're served with extra toenail.
How should I punish my pizza deliverer if he fails to bring me my pizza in 30 minutes?
jkatra
12-12-2011, 05:07 PM
Force the pizza delivery person to listen to 1980's alternative pop music for an hour.
Why aren't we still in the 1980's?
silvercrystal07
12-12-2011, 05:56 PM
Because Simon says so.
Why doesn't time stand still?
Because time is money, and its spent.
Why isn't a compass three dimensional?
silvercrystal07
12-12-2011, 08:17 PM
It can't count that high.
Why don't pigs fly?
venuspop
12-12-2011, 08:53 PM
They do ... in plastic bags labelled "Bacon & Ham."
Why isn't oats delicious?
jkatra
12-12-2011, 10:37 PM
Because Mr. Oats is a respectable human being who lives in a nice manor on Lancaster Boulevard, and no one would ever think of eating him.
Why don't you live in a manor?
venuspop
12-12-2011, 10:49 PM
What - with Mr Oats!? :yuck: I'd rather live in a shoe!
Why don't you?
jkatra
12-12-2011, 11:03 PM
I currently live in a shoe. It's substantially more appealing than people's stereotypes perceive it to be.
Why don't you live in a sock?
venuspop
12-12-2011, 11:19 PM
I'm claustrophobic.
Have you ever stayed on a tree-house?
jkatra
12-12-2011, 11:23 PM
I once lived in a house which was partially made from the wood of trees.
Can you drink all the water in the ocean?
venuspop
12-12-2011, 11:27 PM
No but I can drink in everything you said.
Why do you idolize the Corleones?
jkatra
12-12-2011, 11:30 PM
They once made me an offer I couldn't refuse, and they also gave me a horse's head as part of the deal.
Is there a better movie than The Godfather or Godfather 2?
venuspop
12-12-2011, 11:33 PM
Terminator 2
Is John Connor Irish?
jkatra
12-12-2011, 11:38 PM
He is half Italian, half Greek, half English and three quarters elvish.
Are you an elf?
venuspop
12-12-2011, 11:40 PM
Lemme check. ~~~ *looks into mirror*
That face in my mirror is awesome, isn't it?
jkatra
12-12-2011, 11:41 PM
Yes, it's awesome... I'm looking over your shoulder into the mirror!
Am I a vampire?
venuspop
12-12-2011, 11:51 PM
*LOL*
Lemme check. ~~~ Laid a garland of garlic over jkatra's head. Produces wooden cross between jkatra's eyes. Spreads garlic butter over jkatra's cheeks. (The one on his face). Right! By the power vested in me by me, I pronounce you unvampired!
How do you feel now?
Gerard91
12-13-2011, 05:30 AM
I just screamed at a marshmallow. And I got a scared marshmallow.
Who invented the light bulb?
thebrainpolice
12-13-2011, 06:23 AM
Tex Avery. He needed something to draw above the heads of cartoon characters when they had an idea.
When will Elmer Fudd kill Bugs Bunny?
IronSulfide
12-13-2011, 10:12 AM
When he gets glasses.
What is a blunderbuss?
thebrainpolice
12-13-2011, 10:14 AM
I think its a punk rock band.
Is there life on Mars?
VagrantChord
12-13-2011, 11:03 AM
Yes, and it's playing the hits of Slim Whitman.
Who left the carrots on Mars?
IronSulfide
12-13-2011, 01:24 PM
The March Hare.
Why does Jupiter have rings?
VagrantChord
12-13-2011, 02:24 PM
So they can run around Slim Whitman when he tries to play one of his wanker solos.
Why do you keep stiffing the pizza delivery guy every time you order carrot pizza?
IronSulfide
12-13-2011, 04:08 PM
Because the carrots are always frozen, not fresh.
What are your favorite pizza toppings?
VagrantChord
12-13-2011, 07:18 PM
Brown and red.
Do carrots multiply in the dark like coat hangers?
venuspop
12-13-2011, 08:49 PM
Carrots multiply at the end of a stick. Coat hangers hang around to watch and learn. They never learnt to read between the lines.
Did you?
VagrantChord
12-14-2011, 06:57 AM
Lines? Lines? We don't need no stinkin' lines to write straight on paper.
Are you so nearsighted that you need lines?
jkatra
12-14-2011, 08:35 AM
I only need non-linear things.
Are you a mathematician?
VagrantChord
12-14-2011, 10:11 AM
No, I'm an engineer and I can get close enough.
How do you calculate the taste of space?
Gerard91
12-14-2011, 11:34 AM
Just watch Star Wars and listen to the sound of laser shots in spaaaace...
How much lasers do you need to make a BBQ?
VagrantChord
12-14-2011, 12:24 PM
Depends on the size of the bird.
What kind of sauce goes with laser cooking?
WoodsWoman
12-14-2011, 02:32 PM
Banzai.
When will cars be able to run on dreams?
IronSulfide
12-14-2011, 02:38 PM
As soon as they are able to embed a port in your brain-stem.
Why does the alphabet contain so many stupid, useless letters like Q, X and Z?
WoodsWoman
12-14-2011, 02:55 PM
To make algebra possible.
Why does pizza taste so good?
You like it cheesy.
Why is feeling blue associated with sadness?
venuspop
12-14-2011, 08:59 PM
Well, you can always feel pink when you're sad.
Are you sad?
silvercrystal07
12-14-2011, 10:14 PM
Yes, you are.
Why is brickwork called masonry?
jonnyb
12-15-2011, 12:02 AM
Because carpentry refers to something else.
Why did King John die of eating too many peaches?
jkatra
12-15-2011, 12:34 AM
He didn't eat enough apricots.
Why are bumblebees called bumblebees?
Because they bumbled over the letter A and got stuck in B.
Why does gravity want to drag you down?
venuspop
12-15-2011, 04:18 AM
Because you insulted his mother.
Was his mother pretty?
IronSulfide
12-15-2011, 10:17 AM
No, she was grave.
Why do my Scrabble tiles keep insulting me?
VagrantChord
12-15-2011, 10:51 AM
The blanks are trying to tell you something.
Did you know the Qs and Zs are plotting your demise?
jkatra
12-15-2011, 11:19 AM
Yes, but I'll have my revenge against them in a game of backgammon.
Why are there letters?
VagrantChord
12-15-2011, 11:27 AM
The numbers got first choice.
How many letters were rejected an what were they?
jkatra
12-15-2011, 12:39 PM
$, % and ^ were supposed to be letters, but they were considered too flashy.
Why does time exist?
thebrainpolice
12-15-2011, 04:44 PM
The watchmakers union lobbied Congress to legislate the concept of time into existence.
Who owns the internet?
jkatra
12-15-2011, 04:57 PM
Betty Stevenson, a part-time gardener and homemaker, owns the Internet and controls it in Arlington, Texas.
Why does the Internet exist?
thebrainpolice
12-15-2011, 04:59 PM
Its a place for Al Gore to indulge his VERY weird fetishes.
Why does Florida exist?
Awesome
12-15-2011, 05:15 PM
Not to be rude but I am tired of saying this. Florida does not exist. It never has. It never will. It is a fairy tale that gained momentum after Canada became a state.
What is in your wallet?
venuspop
12-15-2011, 05:18 PM
Someone's two front teeth. Don't mess with me. I collect front teeth.
Do you want to mess with me?
Hynra
12-16-2011, 06:40 AM
No, but I'd like to clean your clock. It's filthy.
Do you want a piece of me?
thebrainpolice
12-16-2011, 10:46 AM
Depends. Do you look like Keira Knightly?
To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 15 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
What will happen in 2012?
VagrantChord
12-16-2011, 11:05 AM
2011 will be pissed it expired and no one told it.
How does 2012 fit into a glove box?
Fujimoto
12-16-2011, 12:18 PM
They all rolled over and one fell out.
What happens to years once they've passed?
VagrantChord
12-16-2011, 01:17 PM
I sell their carcasses on Craig's List or EvilBay.
You know you want it. How come you won't press the Buy It Now Button?
Hynra
12-16-2011, 01:21 PM
My mouse is broken. Also, I'm broke.
How do you know what I want?
VagrantChord
12-16-2011, 01:26 PM
We're watching you.
You know you want it. Why aren't you listening to Janet Jackson sing the song?
IronSulfide
12-16-2011, 03:44 PM
I'm still in mourning for Michael, of course.
What really killed Michael Jackson?
thebrainpolice
12-16-2011, 04:00 PM
Tainted "Jesus Juice"
How can I tell if my moles are cancerous?
IronSulfide
12-16-2011, 04:05 PM
Take them to the veterinarian.
Where exactly is Transylvania?
thebrainpolice
12-16-2011, 04:14 PM
Twenty five miles north of Pittsburgh. Its where Pennsylvanians go to get sex changes.
Where should I take my next vacation?
Chevy Chase bank.
If freedom is free, why do prisons exist?
jkatra
12-16-2011, 04:32 PM
Because hotel space is limited.
Why isn't Chevy Chase our world leader?
venuspop
12-16-2011, 09:35 PM
He was at the wrong audition.
Shall I be your world leader?
Fujimoto
12-16-2011, 11:51 PM
No, you aren't Chevy Chase.
What if Chevy Chase had starred in Audition?
venuspop
12-17-2011, 04:09 AM
It wouldn't make a difference.
Why not?
jkatra
12-17-2011, 11:45 AM
There is no why, only who, where, when and what.
Why do those words all begin with the letter W?
Gerard91
12-17-2011, 02:41 PM
That's magic, really. But it works anyway.
Why there are so many stars in the sky?
silvercrystal07
12-17-2011, 02:41 PM
Because the ground wasn't big enough for them all.
What if tomorrow never comes?
jkatra
12-17-2011, 02:48 PM
Then you complain to the manager asking for the tomorrow you paid for.
Why does the sun shine?
Gerard91
12-17-2011, 03:02 PM
Because the great Dolphin God risen the Sun at the Dawn of Men.
I wish somebody turned me into optimist.
MuadDib
12-17-2011, 03:27 PM
Yes.
Why is Ron Paul so awesome?
Because he's such a talented Frenchman, for one, and because his Ingres violin collection is so awesome!
Why do people love drugs?
thebrainpolice
12-17-2011, 04:51 PM
They give people the illusion that its better to be alive than dead.
What is the purpose of fingernails?
Fingernails were invented by Jesuits to compile knowledge.
Where is the exit door?
jonnyb
12-17-2011, 04:55 PM
The exit door is that one over there that says 'danger, drop off'.
How could I get a date with Alecia Moore?
jkatra
12-17-2011, 05:54 PM
Start a complex series of negotiations and presentations where you prove your value through colorful diagrams and flowcharts.
What is a flowchart?
Hynra
12-17-2011, 05:54 PM
Not if you don't ask!
Why won't you ask her out, though?
(oops, snaked)
A flowchart is a way to compare how laid-back people are.
Can flowcharts freeze?
venuspop
12-18-2011, 04:26 AM
Yes, if you put it in the freezer.
Is it important to think before you speak?
jonnyb
12-18-2011, 08:51 AM
No, not really. It makes for a whole lot of crow to eat later. You will never starve!
What is the likelihood Alecia Moore will respond if I ask her out on her fan page?
Fujimoto
12-18-2011, 10:05 AM
100%. You're her only fan.
Who is Alecia Moore?
jkatra
12-18-2011, 11:47 AM
A part-time bookkeeper from Miami, Florida.
Where is Miami, Florida?
Munglik
12-18-2011, 11:49 AM
I think I've seen it somewhere in my closet.
How is paper made?
Hynra
12-18-2011, 01:53 PM
In bakeries, by plumbers.
Where does lead come from?
jkatra
12-18-2011, 01:56 PM
Lead comes from the secret feelings of a mother as she holds her newborn infant.
How do you become a leader?
thebrainpolice
12-18-2011, 02:27 PM
Read The Prince by Machiavelli a few times.
At what age is someone considered old?
jkatra
12-18-2011, 03:21 PM
4, and at age 6 you should consider going into a nursing home or long-term care facility.
Why do we age?
venuspop
12-18-2011, 08:57 PM
From having to look at your avatar upside down on a given day.
Do you have to be upside down?
jkatra
12-18-2011, 11:02 PM
I am currently required by the federal government to have an avatar that has an upside-down image. It's the law. : (
Why do we have a federal government?
venuspop
12-18-2011, 11:21 PM
Did you say federal or feral?
Why are you talking about a feral government?
jkatra
12-18-2011, 11:22 PM
We need a feral government to establish order, clawing, biting, and taxation policy. We need the biting.
Do we need biting?
venuspop
12-18-2011, 11:30 PM
I can bite.
Can I head your feral government?
jkatra
12-18-2011, 11:34 PM
You can be the assistant treasurer of biting, taxation and clawing.
Why is accounting boring?
venuspop
12-18-2011, 11:40 PM
Biting, taxation and clawing is boring.
Can I just trick people to give all their money to me in the name of Economic Revival?
jkatra
12-18-2011, 11:41 PM
You can trick people only in the name of popular celebrities.
Why are celebrities popular?
venuspop
12-19-2011, 04:27 AM
The same reason why they're secular.
Why do girls wear mascara?
jonnyb
12-19-2011, 08:01 AM
They secretly wish for black eyes and mascara is the closest thing they can get without being overtly obvious.
Why is it such a pain in the ass to change lightbulbs above the stairs?
jkatra
12-19-2011, 09:12 AM
Because there is a lightbulb in your ass.
Why are lightbulbs shaped the way they are?
thebrainpolice
12-19-2011, 09:42 AM
They're round from eating too many Doritos.
Why are Doritos so awesome?
VagrantChord
12-19-2011, 11:20 AM
They get squirted out those light bulb tubes.
How do I plug in a Dorito so I can use it as a night light?
jkatra
12-19-2011, 12:08 PM
You need to hold it at a perpendicular angle to the plane of the wall socket.
How should I measure things?
VagrantChord
12-19-2011, 12:17 PM
In 7.1.
Can I get those Dorito night lights in several colors?
thebrainpolice
12-19-2011, 03:26 PM
No, but you can get them in several flavors.
Does Kim Jong Il's ghost also wear high heels?
jkatra
12-19-2011, 08:16 PM
Yes, but only because all ghosts are required to. The afterlife is a little... festive.
Is there an afterlife?
VagrantChord
12-19-2011, 08:29 PM
Yes, the party is in the lounge.
Is there life after the party?
venuspop
12-19-2011, 08:32 PM
There is life after everything.
Do you know what I mean?
VagrantChord
12-19-2011, 08:41 PM
In a zen way, I know by not knowing.
Did you rake your rock garden today?
venuspop
12-19-2011, 08:42 PM
I forgot ... again!
Does rocks need fertilizers too?
VagrantChord
12-19-2011, 08:46 PM
Yes, blue and red gum drops work best.
Did you eat the green and yellow ones again?
venuspop
12-19-2011, 08:48 PM
I didn't! And they're not green and yellow. They're blue and .... oops! :confused:
You're not going to tell on me, are you?
VagrantChord
12-19-2011, 08:50 PM
No, but you better beware of the purple ones.
Did you feed your rock garden any chocolate zucchini?
venuspop
12-19-2011, 08:51 PM
That's a ritual I never miss.
Are you proud of me?
VagrantChord
12-19-2011, 08:54 PM
Immensly! Handling that rake with no opposable thumbs like that, cool! ;D
Can you buy bras for your rocks in your garden?
venuspop
12-19-2011, 08:55 PM
I guess so.
How many do you need?
VagrantChord
12-19-2011, 08:57 PM
I don't need any.
How many rocks do you have in your garden that you'd like to fit?
venuspop
12-19-2011, 08:59 PM
Into a bra? :stunned: Gee ... I've never done such a thing....
Have you?
VagrantChord
12-19-2011, 09:01 PM
No, not recently and not rocks.
Are you afraid to show off a few of your hidden skills?
Sprelious
12-19-2011, 09:01 PM
Of course, I've done everything.
Once all the oil is gone can we go back to making things out of something other than plastic?
VagrantChord
12-19-2011, 09:04 PM
I sure hope so. I have a pile of paper that I'd like to finally turn a profit on.
Who turned out the lighthouse again?
venuspop
12-19-2011, 09:04 PM
Dung. It's a new thing called organic energy.
Do you think it'll smell?
*snaked*
What lighthouse?
Do you have any eye-witnesses?
VagrantChord
12-19-2011, 09:05 PM
Uh oh, with Dun, you can never tell about these things.
Did you see the ship in a collision course with the lighthouse?
venuspop
12-19-2011, 09:07 PM
No, I wasn't in its path.
Did the lighthouse smash into the ship?
jkatra
12-19-2011, 09:38 PM
No, I smashed the lighthouse, the ship, and the continental United States.
Do you enjoy smashing things?
jonnyb
12-19-2011, 09:40 PM
Yeah, but I stopped watching it years ago after Colnel Potter's horse got stolen.
How much TV is appropriate to watch?
venuspop
12-19-2011, 09:43 PM
All of it. When in doubt, watch the remote control.
Shouldn't children watch so much TV?
jkatra
12-19-2011, 10:17 PM
Children should be placed inside TV sets so they don't run amok.
Do you own a TV?
venuspop
12-19-2011, 10:25 PM
Yes, but that wouldn't be wrong.
No, but that wouldn't be right.
Probably. Let me check...
Why do you want to know?
jkatra
12-19-2011, 11:31 PM
I need the information in order to establish a feral government.
Should we be dancing right now?
Yes, we should be dancing like it's 1999.
What's the best alternative to bars and clubs?
venuspop
12-20-2011, 04:49 AM
Maces and machetes.
Who killed Natalie Wood?
jonnyb
12-20-2011, 07:24 AM
The wood chucks......lots of them.......with a bitter vengance.
Why are peach nuts so bitter?
VagrantChord
12-20-2011, 08:14 AM
They have a bad attitude stemming from some incident with a fig tree a few thousand yeas ago.
Where do peach pits go for recreation?
jkatra
12-20-2011, 10:10 AM
They go to where all the locals go, Larry's Sports Bar and Grill.
Is your name Larry?
VagrantChord
12-20-2011, 10:53 AM
No. Neither is it Harry, Mary, Barry or Gary.
Is your last name Flynt?
jkatra
12-20-2011, 12:43 PM
My last name is currently Von Ogelthorpe the 3rd, the same as yours.
Why do we have names?
VagrantChord
12-20-2011, 12:46 PM
They're easier to pronounce than numbers.
De you even remember your number?
gracious
12-20-2011, 01:05 PM
They don't let me log on without it.
Is there a way for me to guarantee good weather on Saturday night?
VagrantChord
12-20-2011, 01:41 PM
Yes, pay me in gold.
Why are you worried about the weather outside when your party is inside?
jkatra
12-20-2011, 01:47 PM
The sabretooth tigers roam around when it's colder than 30 degrees and break into houses.
What should I do now?
VagrantChord
12-20-2011, 01:48 PM
Get your saddle and ride one of those tigers to the rodeo.
Why don't you open the door so they won't have to break in?
jkatra
12-20-2011, 01:49 PM
I am morally opposed to the concept of doors and don't install them.
Why are windows transparent?
VagrantChord
12-20-2011, 01:51 PM
So you can see the tigers coming.
Do tigers know how to use a doorbell?
jkatra
12-20-2011, 01:56 PM
No, but most tigers are familiar with the latest tax accounting software.
Do you own software?
VagrantChord
12-20-2011, 02:34 PM
Yes, and a lot of firmware, too.
Do you ride your firmware or does it ride you?
jkatra
12-20-2011, 03:30 PM
The firmware rides us all, it's in every nook and cranny... especially the nooks.
Should you pay your bills?
Sprelious
12-20-2011, 04:29 PM
You should poay your Bills and Dave's, but not the Fred's.
I there a way to win?
Fujimoto
12-20-2011, 05:36 PM
No. Sorry.
What did you think of the recent Star Trek reboot?
venuspop
12-20-2011, 07:17 PM
Wait. Lemme think.
Why does Star Trek need a reboot?
jkatra
12-20-2011, 09:07 PM
Everyone needs new boots once in awhile, especially Star Trek since they're walking around on all those strange planets.
Why are planets strange?
venuspop
12-20-2011, 09:10 PM
Because we've never been introduced and thus never progressed beyond strangeness.
Who can introduce us?
jkatra
12-20-2011, 09:12 PM
Miss Henrietta Worthington, a part-time cook in New Haven, Connecticut.
Why can't I cook?
venuspop
12-20-2011, 09:14 PM
If a cook can cook good food, so can you.
What do you call a non-cook who cooks?
A cooking person?
A cooker?
jkatra
12-20-2011, 09:18 PM
They are applied materials handling specialists.
Are you a specialist at something?
venuspop
12-20-2011, 09:22 PM
I'm a specialist at the games thread.
Are you a specialist at the games thread too?
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