View Full Version : I'm So Bored; Please Amuse Me - The Wrong Answer Game
12-03-2011, 06:21 PM
My children are currently in Saudi Arabia doing cartwheels and eating banana ice cream.
Why are children sometimes annoying?
12-04-2011, 05:40 AM
They take after us.
Can we be born unannoying?
12-04-2011, 12:46 PM
Yes. There is nothing annoying about crying all the time and making others clean up your poop.
If broccoli is good for you, why does it taste so bad?
12-04-2011, 12:50 PM
Because they have realized about their imminent extinction and have evolved features so that we don't eat them.
Why can birds fly?
12-04-2011, 01:00 PM
Nitrous oxide farts.
Why do birds sing?
12-04-2011, 01:06 PM
Because they're not talented enough to play guitar.
Where have all the flowers gone?
12-04-2011, 02:28 PM
They went on a cruise to Mexico.
When will they return?
12-04-2011, 03:54 PM
December 21st, 2058 at 4:07 am Pacific time.
Why can birds fly?
12-04-2011, 05:32 PM
They borrowed advanced technology from aliens.
Why do aliens think its OK to come to earth, abduct people, and anally probe them?
12-04-2011, 05:48 PM
Nobody ever told us not to!
Why do you have such problems with being abducted and anally probed?
12-04-2011, 06:12 PM
Because the aliens want to do it while I'm watching football.
Why is football so awesome?
12-04-2011, 06:25 PM
Because, man, like, feet. Feet, ya know what I mean? :p
But have you ever, like, really looked at your feet? I mean, like, really looked?
12-04-2011, 09:42 PM
All the time, lovely Hynra, all the time.
Are you lovely?
12-05-2011, 06:50 AM
Everyone is lovely in their own way.
Which country is the best country in the world?
What's the future like?
12-05-2011, 02:00 PM
Actually, I was there when Future sat on the mall Santa's lap and I clearly heard it say it would like a Twilight lunchbox.
Why is Christmas shopping so disagreeable?
12-05-2011, 04:01 PM
Her parents gave her a terrible name so she resents the world.
Why do some people insist on giving their children awful "kriativ" names?
12-05-2011, 10:58 PM
It had something to do with bad blood.
Can Quality be quantified?
12-06-2011, 08:11 AM
Yes, but only with M&Ms.
Why can't there be brown M&Ms?
12-06-2011, 11:21 AM
Because racism is still alive.
Why there are no blue skittles in normal series?
12-06-2011, 11:26 AM
This is the abnormal series and Hershey bought all the blue dye so skittles had to improvise.
Why can't we smell in stereo?
12-06-2011, 05:14 PM
Our noses are on the wrong frequency.
Why do grenades look like pineapples?
12-06-2011, 05:58 PM
I can't tell because pineapples are now extinct and there's no visual record of them.
Is 1+1=2 a true statement?
12-06-2011, 06:03 PM
Based on your avatar you'll never know because you don't have any fingers to count on.
Why do pirates like parrots so much? Aren't dogs better pets?
12-06-2011, 06:08 PM
Yes, but any manly dog is bound to be too heavy to keep on your shoulder like that. Also, dogs can't talk.
What would you do if you saw a pirate with a Westie on his shoulder?
12-06-2011, 07:34 PM
The Chihuahua called the Westie a pussy.
Does cats still catch rats?
12-06-2011, 10:10 PM
They catch colds.
Why should I ever listen to you?
12-06-2011, 10:19 PM
Well, look around you.
Who else is here?
12-07-2011, 06:39 AM
Ask the man who wrote this.
Do you think that I may actually be an INTP? That would explain my hatred towards ENTPs who are my natural antagonists.
12-07-2011, 10:44 AM
Don't ISTJs hate them a great deal more?
12-07-2011, 11:23 AM
No. ISTJs are big fluffy balls of love.
Why does food smell bad after I leave it in the back of the refrigerator for three weeks?
12-07-2011, 01:33 PM
Because your refrigerator smells.
Where can I obtain sliced elephant curry?
12-07-2011, 05:13 PM
Does time exist?
12-07-2011, 07:08 PM
No. It is an illusion spun by the sun.
Why would the sun do such a thing?
12-07-2011, 10:25 PM
Because the moon can do whatever it wants, so the sun is jealous.
What is my phone number?
12-07-2011, 10:35 PM
6. Respect User Privacy
Do not post the contents of private messages on the open forum without the permission of all parties involved. Additionally, we ask that you not reveal personal details about other users without their permission. This specifically includes acts like the posting of addresses or telephone numbers.
What was your question again?
12-08-2011, 10:29 AM
Where is your dog collar?
12-08-2011, 12:43 PM
Well, I could check where it is, but I don't want to move from my chair.
How important is emotional motivation for you?
12-08-2011, 02:26 PM
About as important as a taser with dead batteries.
What happens if I push your chair into the pool?
12-08-2011, 04:36 PM
You're are charged with pooling chairs. A crime punishable by death in some countries.
If you can table a motion, can you also motion a table?
You can turn table vinyl away from mp3/4.
If you are broke(n), how can you work?
12-08-2011, 07:09 PM
Why does the cow moo?
12-08-2011, 07:24 PM
Because the cow is moooooody.
Why am I corny?
12-08-2011, 07:36 PM
It's probably just how you tell the joke.
If I walk a million miles where will I be?
12-08-2011, 08:11 PM
Linda's house. But she is on vacation, so you'll have to walk back.
Why isn't everything made of chocolate?
12-08-2011, 08:46 PM
Because dogs are allergic to chocolates.
Why are dogs allergic to chocolates?
12-08-2011, 10:55 PM
Because cats are made of peanut butter.
Do you like peanut butter?
12-09-2011, 04:20 AM
Absolutely, and I don't care if this is not the wrong answer. :p
Is this the right answer?
12-09-2011, 05:38 AM
does it hurt to run a fish hook through a worms gullet?
12-09-2011, 07:05 AM
Hold still. We'll find out together.
Can you make a souffle with worms?
12-09-2011, 07:22 AM
How much do you trust your intuitions?
12-09-2011, 08:40 AM
Much better now, thank you.
Where is the sound of orange?
12-09-2011, 10:05 AM
What is the sweet smell of success?
12-09-2011, 10:46 AM
It has the aroma of fish, but mixed with the smell of fresh paper currency.
Why can't it rain indoors?
12-09-2011, 10:48 AM
It can if you hire an irreputable roofing contractor.
How can I become handier around the house?
12-09-2011, 10:56 AM
Work for that roofing contractor.
Do you pick up a hammer when you need to saw?
12-09-2011, 11:13 AM
No, I can really handle caulk though.
Should I attend that annual Christmas party next weekend?
12-09-2011, 11:16 AM
Sure, parties always need entertainment but you'll have to bring your own pole.
Do you have specially made stockings for such parties?
12-09-2011, 11:20 AM
No, I borrow a pair from Gerard91.
How can I keep my heron claws from poking through the toes?
12-09-2011, 11:22 AM
Advanced preparation and dry lubricant.
Don't you think it would be easier to rent from Gerard91 instead?
12-09-2011, 11:35 AM
Probably not since then he'd probably expect me to wash them before returning them.
Why do I accept invitations to social events and then immediately regret it?
12-09-2011, 12:15 PM
Your thinking too much.
Why do I think too much?
12-09-2011, 12:30 PM
Excessive indoctrination through childrens TV programming.
Why does the weather exist?
12-09-2011, 12:34 PM
To give us something to discuss with small talkers.
Does this qualify as small talk?
12-09-2011, 12:59 PM
No, I'm sorry, this is abuse. You want room 12A, next door.
What is the airspeed velocity of an unladen swallow?
12-09-2011, 01:52 PM
eighteen and two-thirds.
Why can't water boil itself?
12-09-2011, 06:55 PM
It's already cooked, silly.
Does cooked water taste better than uncooked water?
12-09-2011, 07:27 PM
Cooked water is okay, but deep fried water is the best.
Why does everything taste better fried?
12-09-2011, 09:22 PM
It's an advertising gimmick to promote motor oil.
Should we promote free thought?
12-10-2011, 09:00 AM
No, we already had a Black Friday clearance on free thought.
What's the best item to purchase on Black Friday?
12-10-2011, 09:20 AM
French fries that are so burnt they look like dark black pieces of charcoal.
What is charcoal used for?
12-10-2011, 09:51 AM
Charcoal is now being sold to cheaper fast food restaurants to be resold as food.
Why do you keep buying up all those cheap restaurants?
12-10-2011, 05:42 PM
There is nothing better to do.
Why are introverts introverted?
12-10-2011, 06:25 PM
They realize people suck.
Why would anyone be extroverted?
12-10-2011, 07:24 PM
Because they suck. It's okay though; the introverts, being people, also suck.
Who does not suck?
12-10-2011, 09:12 PM
Raymond Patterson, a part-time gardener in Peoria, Illinois, currently does not suck.
Why aren't we all dancing right now?
12-10-2011, 09:21 PM
Because dancing is of the devil and, as we all know, can cause demonic possession.
Team Jacob or Team Edward?
12-11-2011, 02:14 AM
Steam is usually the first sign of an impending eruption. We're talking about a volcanic eruption here. ;)
How does a volcano gather all those stuff to spew out in an eruption?
12-11-2011, 06:16 AM
Volcanoes are compulsive hoarders. To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 15 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
What causes earthquakes.
12-11-2011, 07:42 AM
What causes bowling?
12-11-2011, 08:18 AM
The bowling clan of Marshmallows.
What does happen when you scream at a marshmallow?
12-11-2011, 12:05 PM
you negate 40 years of social engineering and will probably be arrested for intolerance.
why do phone wires come in so many weird colors?
12-11-2011, 12:07 PM
So we can categorize them.
Why do clouds float?
12-11-2011, 01:04 PM
It's obvious, God ordered them to float.
Isn't heaven and hell ridiculous? Place of ultimate comfort, and ultimate pain? That sounds more like life of rich and poor people.
12-11-2011, 01:16 PM
Hell isn't so bad: Detroit is lovely this time of year.
Why can't we become invisible?
12-11-2011, 02:05 PM
Seeing is believeing
Isn't every sight a sight?
12-11-2011, 02:08 PM
What about insider and outsider? And Oktoberfest?
12-11-2011, 02:30 PM
It pales in comparison to outliers.
Is that an answer - question combination?
12-11-2011, 03:22 PM
It's a pizza-soda combo for only $5.99.
How many fast food combos are there?
12-11-2011, 08:24 PM
That is not important. What is important is the next question.
How fast can fast food be?
12-12-2011, 10:58 AM
Your order is ready before you asked for it.
Would you like fries with that?
12-12-2011, 11:09 AM
Only with some extra ketchup!!!
Do you like to eat vegetable pizza?
12-12-2011, 02:37 PM
Yes, but only if it's garnished with socks.
Will you pay extra if I deliver your socks in less than 30 minutes?
12-12-2011, 04:05 PM
Not unless they're served with extra toenail.
How should I punish my pizza deliverer if he fails to bring me my pizza in 30 minutes?
12-12-2011, 05:07 PM
Force the pizza delivery person to listen to 1980's alternative pop music for an hour.
Why aren't we still in the 1980's?
12-12-2011, 05:56 PM
Because Simon says so.
Why doesn't time stand still?
Because time is money, and its spent.
Why isn't a compass three dimensional?
12-12-2011, 08:17 PM
It can't count that high.
Why don't pigs fly?
12-12-2011, 08:53 PM
They do ... in plastic bags labelled "Bacon & Ham."
Why isn't oats delicious?
12-12-2011, 10:37 PM
Because Mr. Oats is a respectable human being who lives in a nice manor on Lancaster Boulevard, and no one would ever think of eating him.
Why don't you live in a manor?
12-12-2011, 10:49 PM
What - with Mr Oats!? :yuck: I'd rather live in a shoe!
Why don't you?
12-12-2011, 11:03 PM
I currently live in a shoe. It's substantially more appealing than people's stereotypes perceive it to be.
Why don't you live in a sock?
12-12-2011, 11:19 PM
Have you ever stayed on a tree-house?
12-12-2011, 11:23 PM
I once lived in a house which was partially made from the wood of trees.
Can you drink all the water in the ocean?
12-12-2011, 11:27 PM
No but I can drink in everything you said.
Why do you idolize the Corleones?
12-12-2011, 11:30 PM
They once made me an offer I couldn't refuse, and they also gave me a horse's head as part of the deal.
Is there a better movie than The Godfather or Godfather 2?
12-12-2011, 11:33 PM
Is John Connor Irish?
12-12-2011, 11:38 PM
He is half Italian, half Greek, half English and three quarters elvish.
Are you an elf?
12-12-2011, 11:40 PM
Lemme check. ~~~ *looks into mirror*
That face in my mirror is awesome, isn't it?
12-12-2011, 11:41 PM
Yes, it's awesome... I'm looking over your shoulder into the mirror!
Am I a vampire?
12-12-2011, 11:51 PM
Lemme check. ~~~ Laid a garland of garlic over jkatra's head. Produces wooden cross between jkatra's eyes. Spreads garlic butter over jkatra's cheeks. (The one on his face). Right! By the power vested in me by me, I pronounce you unvampired!
How do you feel now?
12-13-2011, 05:30 AM
I just screamed at a marshmallow. And I got a scared marshmallow.
Who invented the light bulb?
12-13-2011, 06:23 AM
Tex Avery. He needed something to draw above the heads of cartoon characters when they had an idea.
When will Elmer Fudd kill Bugs Bunny?
12-13-2011, 10:12 AM
When he gets glasses.
What is a blunderbuss?
12-13-2011, 10:14 AM
I think its a punk rock band.
Is there life on Mars?
12-13-2011, 11:03 AM
Yes, and it's playing the hits of Slim Whitman.
Who left the carrots on Mars?
12-13-2011, 01:24 PM
The March Hare.
Why does Jupiter have rings?
12-13-2011, 02:24 PM
So they can run around Slim Whitman when he tries to play one of his wanker solos.
Why do you keep stiffing the pizza delivery guy every time you order carrot pizza?
12-13-2011, 04:08 PM
Because the carrots are always frozen, not fresh.
What are your favorite pizza toppings?
12-13-2011, 07:18 PM
Brown and red.
Do carrots multiply in the dark like coat hangers?
12-13-2011, 08:49 PM
Carrots multiply at the end of a stick. Coat hangers hang around to watch and learn. They never learnt to read between the lines.
12-14-2011, 06:57 AM
Lines? Lines? We don't need no stinkin' lines to write straight on paper.
Are you so nearsighted that you need lines?
12-14-2011, 08:35 AM
I only need non-linear things.
Are you a mathematician?
12-14-2011, 10:11 AM
No, I'm an engineer and I can get close enough.
How do you calculate the taste of space?
12-14-2011, 11:34 AM
Just watch Star Wars and listen to the sound of laser shots in spaaaace...
How much lasers do you need to make a BBQ?
12-14-2011, 12:24 PM
Depends on the size of the bird.
What kind of sauce goes with laser cooking?
12-14-2011, 02:32 PM
When will cars be able to run on dreams?
12-14-2011, 02:38 PM
As soon as they are able to embed a port in your brain-stem.
Why does the alphabet contain so many stupid, useless letters like Q, X and Z?
12-14-2011, 02:55 PM
To make algebra possible.
Why does pizza taste so good?
You like it cheesy.
Why is feeling blue associated with sadness?
12-14-2011, 08:59 PM
Well, you can always feel pink when you're sad.
Are you sad?
12-14-2011, 10:14 PM
Yes, you are.
Why is brickwork called masonry?
12-15-2011, 12:02 AM
Because carpentry refers to something else.
Why did King John die of eating too many peaches?
12-15-2011, 12:34 AM
He didn't eat enough apricots.
Why are bumblebees called bumblebees?
Because they bumbled over the letter A and got stuck in B.
Why does gravity want to drag you down?
12-15-2011, 04:18 AM
Because you insulted his mother.
Was his mother pretty?
12-15-2011, 10:17 AM
No, she was grave.
Why do my Scrabble tiles keep insulting me?
12-15-2011, 10:51 AM
The blanks are trying to tell you something.
Did you know the Qs and Zs are plotting your demise?
12-15-2011, 11:19 AM
Yes, but I'll have my revenge against them in a game of backgammon.
Why are there letters?
12-15-2011, 11:27 AM
The numbers got first choice.
How many letters were rejected an what were they?
12-15-2011, 12:39 PM
$, % and ^ were supposed to be letters, but they were considered too flashy.
Why does time exist?
12-15-2011, 04:44 PM
The watchmakers union lobbied Congress to legislate the concept of time into existence.
Who owns the internet?
12-15-2011, 04:57 PM
Betty Stevenson, a part-time gardener and homemaker, owns the Internet and controls it in Arlington, Texas.
Why does the Internet exist?
12-15-2011, 04:59 PM
Its a place for Al Gore to indulge his VERY weird fetishes.
Why does Florida exist?
12-15-2011, 05:15 PM
Not to be rude but I am tired of saying this. Florida does not exist. It never has. It never will. It is a fairy tale that gained momentum after Canada became a state.
What is in your wallet?
12-15-2011, 05:18 PM
Someone's two front teeth. Don't mess with me. I collect front teeth.
Do you want to mess with me?
12-16-2011, 06:40 AM
No, but I'd like to clean your clock. It's filthy.
Do you want a piece of me?
12-16-2011, 10:46 AM
Depends. Do you look like Keira Knightly?
To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 15 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
What will happen in 2012?
12-16-2011, 11:05 AM
2011 will be pissed it expired and no one told it.
How does 2012 fit into a glove box?
12-16-2011, 12:18 PM
They all rolled over and one fell out.
What happens to years once they've passed?
12-16-2011, 01:17 PM
I sell their carcasses on Craig's List or EvilBay.
You know you want it. How come you won't press the Buy It Now Button?
12-16-2011, 01:21 PM
My mouse is broken. Also, I'm broke.
How do you know what I want?
12-16-2011, 01:26 PM
We're watching you.
You know you want it. Why aren't you listening to Janet Jackson sing the song?
12-16-2011, 03:44 PM
I'm still in mourning for Michael, of course.
What really killed Michael Jackson?
12-16-2011, 04:00 PM
Tainted "Jesus Juice"
How can I tell if my moles are cancerous?
12-16-2011, 04:05 PM
Take them to the veterinarian.
Where exactly is Transylvania?
12-16-2011, 04:14 PM
Twenty five miles north of Pittsburgh. Its where Pennsylvanians go to get sex changes.
Where should I take my next vacation?
Chevy Chase bank.
If freedom is free, why do prisons exist?
12-16-2011, 04:32 PM
Because hotel space is limited.
Why isn't Chevy Chase our world leader?
12-16-2011, 09:35 PM
He was at the wrong audition.
Shall I be your world leader?
12-16-2011, 11:51 PM
No, you aren't Chevy Chase.
What if Chevy Chase had starred in Audition?
12-17-2011, 04:09 AM
It wouldn't make a difference.
12-17-2011, 11:45 AM
There is no why, only who, where, when and what.
Why do those words all begin with the letter W?
12-17-2011, 02:41 PM
That's magic, really. But it works anyway.
Why there are so many stars in the sky?
12-17-2011, 02:41 PM
Because the ground wasn't big enough for them all.
What if tomorrow never comes?
12-17-2011, 02:48 PM
Then you complain to the manager asking for the tomorrow you paid for.
Why does the sun shine?
12-17-2011, 03:02 PM
Because the great Dolphin God risen the Sun at the Dawn of Men.
I wish somebody turned me into optimist.
12-17-2011, 03:27 PM
Why is Ron Paul so awesome?
Because he's such a talented Frenchman, for one, and because his Ingres violin collection is so awesome!
Why do people love drugs?
12-17-2011, 04:51 PM
They give people the illusion that its better to be alive than dead.
What is the purpose of fingernails?
Fingernails were invented by Jesuits to compile knowledge.
Where is the exit door?
12-17-2011, 04:55 PM
The exit door is that one over there that says 'danger, drop off'.
How could I get a date with Alecia Moore?
12-17-2011, 05:54 PM
Start a complex series of negotiations and presentations where you prove your value through colorful diagrams and flowcharts.
What is a flowchart?
12-17-2011, 05:54 PM
Not if you don't ask!
Why won't you ask her out, though?
A flowchart is a way to compare how laid-back people are.
Can flowcharts freeze?
12-18-2011, 04:26 AM
Yes, if you put it in the freezer.
Is it important to think before you speak?
12-18-2011, 08:51 AM
No, not really. It makes for a whole lot of crow to eat later. You will never starve!
What is the likelihood Alecia Moore will respond if I ask her out on her fan page?
12-18-2011, 10:05 AM
100%. You're her only fan.
Who is Alecia Moore?
12-18-2011, 11:47 AM
A part-time bookkeeper from Miami, Florida.
Where is Miami, Florida?
12-18-2011, 11:49 AM
I think I've seen it somewhere in my closet.
How is paper made?
12-18-2011, 01:53 PM
In bakeries, by plumbers.
Where does lead come from?
12-18-2011, 01:56 PM
Lead comes from the secret feelings of a mother as she holds her newborn infant.
How do you become a leader?
12-18-2011, 02:27 PM
Read The Prince by Machiavelli a few times.
At what age is someone considered old?
12-18-2011, 03:21 PM
4, and at age 6 you should consider going into a nursing home or long-term care facility.
Why do we age?
12-18-2011, 08:57 PM
From having to look at your avatar upside down on a given day.
Do you have to be upside down?
12-18-2011, 11:02 PM
I am currently required by the federal government to have an avatar that has an upside-down image. It's the law. : (
Why do we have a federal government?
12-18-2011, 11:21 PM
Did you say federal or feral?
Why are you talking about a feral government?
12-18-2011, 11:22 PM
We need a feral government to establish order, clawing, biting, and taxation policy. We need the biting.
Do we need biting?
12-18-2011, 11:30 PM
I can bite.
Can I head your feral government?
12-18-2011, 11:34 PM
You can be the assistant treasurer of biting, taxation and clawing.
Why is accounting boring?
12-18-2011, 11:40 PM
Biting, taxation and clawing is boring.
Can I just trick people to give all their money to me in the name of Economic Revival?
12-18-2011, 11:41 PM
You can trick people only in the name of popular celebrities.
Why are celebrities popular?
12-19-2011, 04:27 AM
The same reason why they're secular.
Why do girls wear mascara?
12-19-2011, 08:01 AM
They secretly wish for black eyes and mascara is the closest thing they can get without being overtly obvious.
Why is it such a pain in the ass to change lightbulbs above the stairs?
12-19-2011, 09:12 AM
Because there is a lightbulb in your ass.
Why are lightbulbs shaped the way they are?
12-19-2011, 09:42 AM
They're round from eating too many Doritos.
Why are Doritos so awesome?
12-19-2011, 11:20 AM
They get squirted out those light bulb tubes.
How do I plug in a Dorito so I can use it as a night light?
12-19-2011, 12:08 PM
You need to hold it at a perpendicular angle to the plane of the wall socket.
How should I measure things?
12-19-2011, 12:17 PM
Can I get those Dorito night lights in several colors?
12-19-2011, 03:26 PM
No, but you can get them in several flavors.
Does Kim Jong Il's ghost also wear high heels?
12-19-2011, 08:16 PM
Yes, but only because all ghosts are required to. The afterlife is a little... festive.
Is there an afterlife?
12-19-2011, 08:29 PM
Yes, the party is in the lounge.
Is there life after the party?
12-19-2011, 08:32 PM
There is life after everything.
Do you know what I mean?
12-19-2011, 08:41 PM
In a zen way, I know by not knowing.
Did you rake your rock garden today?
12-19-2011, 08:42 PM
I forgot ... again!
Does rocks need fertilizers too?
12-19-2011, 08:46 PM
Yes, blue and red gum drops work best.
Did you eat the green and yellow ones again?
12-19-2011, 08:48 PM
I didn't! And they're not green and yellow. They're blue and .... oops! :confused:
You're not going to tell on me, are you?
12-19-2011, 08:50 PM
No, but you better beware of the purple ones.
Did you feed your rock garden any chocolate zucchini?
12-19-2011, 08:51 PM
That's a ritual I never miss.
Are you proud of me?
12-19-2011, 08:54 PM
Immensly! Handling that rake with no opposable thumbs like that, cool! ;D
Can you buy bras for your rocks in your garden?
12-19-2011, 08:55 PM
I guess so.
How many do you need?
12-19-2011, 08:57 PM
I don't need any.
How many rocks do you have in your garden that you'd like to fit?
12-19-2011, 08:59 PM
Into a bra? :stunned: Gee ... I've never done such a thing....
12-19-2011, 09:01 PM
No, not recently and not rocks.
Are you afraid to show off a few of your hidden skills?
12-19-2011, 09:01 PM
Of course, I've done everything.
Once all the oil is gone can we go back to making things out of something other than plastic?
12-19-2011, 09:04 PM
I sure hope so. I have a pile of paper that I'd like to finally turn a profit on.
Who turned out the lighthouse again?
12-19-2011, 09:04 PM
Dung. It's a new thing called organic energy.
Do you think it'll smell?
Do you have any eye-witnesses?
12-19-2011, 09:05 PM
Uh oh, with Dun, you can never tell about these things.
Did you see the ship in a collision course with the lighthouse?
12-19-2011, 09:07 PM
No, I wasn't in its path.
Did the lighthouse smash into the ship?
12-19-2011, 09:38 PM
No, I smashed the lighthouse, the ship, and the continental United States.
Do you enjoy smashing things?
12-19-2011, 09:40 PM
Yeah, but I stopped watching it years ago after Colnel Potter's horse got stolen.
How much TV is appropriate to watch?
12-19-2011, 09:43 PM
All of it. When in doubt, watch the remote control.
Shouldn't children watch so much TV?
12-19-2011, 10:17 PM
Children should be placed inside TV sets so they don't run amok.
Do you own a TV?
12-19-2011, 10:25 PM
Yes, but that wouldn't be wrong.
No, but that wouldn't be right.
Probably. Let me check...
Why do you want to know?
12-19-2011, 11:31 PM
I need the information in order to establish a feral government.
Should we be dancing right now?
Yes, we should be dancing like it's 1999.
What's the best alternative to bars and clubs?
12-20-2011, 04:49 AM
Maces and machetes.
Who killed Natalie Wood?
12-20-2011, 07:24 AM
The wood chucks......lots of them.......with a bitter vengance.
Why are peach nuts so bitter?
12-20-2011, 08:14 AM
They have a bad attitude stemming from some incident with a fig tree a few thousand yeas ago.
Where do peach pits go for recreation?
12-20-2011, 10:10 AM
They go to where all the locals go, Larry's Sports Bar and Grill.
Is your name Larry?
12-20-2011, 10:53 AM
No. Neither is it Harry, Mary, Barry or Gary.
Is your last name Flynt?
12-20-2011, 12:43 PM
My last name is currently Von Ogelthorpe the 3rd, the same as yours.
Why do we have names?
12-20-2011, 12:46 PM
They're easier to pronounce than numbers.
De you even remember your number?
12-20-2011, 01:05 PM
They don't let me log on without it.
Is there a way for me to guarantee good weather on Saturday night?
12-20-2011, 01:41 PM
Yes, pay me in gold.
Why are you worried about the weather outside when your party is inside?
12-20-2011, 01:47 PM
The sabretooth tigers roam around when it's colder than 30 degrees and break into houses.
What should I do now?
12-20-2011, 01:48 PM
Get your saddle and ride one of those tigers to the rodeo.
Why don't you open the door so they won't have to break in?
12-20-2011, 01:49 PM
I am morally opposed to the concept of doors and don't install them.
Why are windows transparent?
12-20-2011, 01:51 PM
So you can see the tigers coming.
Do tigers know how to use a doorbell?
12-20-2011, 01:56 PM
No, but most tigers are familiar with the latest tax accounting software.
Do you own software?
12-20-2011, 02:34 PM
Yes, and a lot of firmware, too.
Do you ride your firmware or does it ride you?
12-20-2011, 03:30 PM
The firmware rides us all, it's in every nook and cranny... especially the nooks.
Should you pay your bills?
12-20-2011, 04:29 PM
You should poay your Bills and Dave's, but not the Fred's.
I there a way to win?
12-20-2011, 05:36 PM
What did you think of the recent Star Trek reboot?
12-20-2011, 07:17 PM
Wait. Lemme think.
Why does Star Trek need a reboot?
12-20-2011, 09:07 PM
Everyone needs new boots once in awhile, especially Star Trek since they're walking around on all those strange planets.
Why are planets strange?
12-20-2011, 09:10 PM
Because we've never been introduced and thus never progressed beyond strangeness.
Who can introduce us?
12-20-2011, 09:12 PM
Miss Henrietta Worthington, a part-time cook in New Haven, Connecticut.
Why can't I cook?
12-20-2011, 09:14 PM
If a cook can cook good food, so can you.
What do you call a non-cook who cooks?
A cooking person?
12-20-2011, 09:18 PM
They are applied materials handling specialists.
Are you a specialist at something?
12-20-2011, 09:22 PM
I'm a specialist at the games thread.
Are you a specialist at the games thread too?
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