View Full Version : I'm So Bored; Please Amuse Me - The Wrong Answer Game
09-19-2011, 09:37 AM
Is wearing woman's clothes a bad thing?
09-19-2011, 09:39 AM
No, unless you're not a woman.
How do magnets work?
09-19-2011, 12:52 PM
Someone stands at the North Pole (doesn't have to be an elf but it helps) while someone else stands at the South Pole (doesn't have to be Admiral Bird) and then they smile at each other: mystical shit happens...
When did donuts start having holes in them, and why?
09-19-2011, 06:56 PM
The donut hole was invented in Ancient Egypt as a means for carrying fried dough while erecting the Pyramids.
Why were the pyramids erected?
09-19-2011, 08:48 PM
To house the aliens inside.
Does the aliens love chocolates like we do?
09-19-2011, 09:38 PM
Aliens are made of chocloate and their crafts are made of cheese.
What is the advantage of crafts made out of cheese.
09-19-2011, 09:42 PM
You can make cheesy remarks and get away with it. They'll say "The craft did it!"
Was it the butler who did it?
09-19-2011, 09:48 PM
The butler is an easy scapegoat, but is never guilty.
Is the maid in the clear?
09-19-2011, 09:50 PM
The maid is always the one who did it, and she did it in all ways imaginable. ;)
Do you know what I mean?
09-19-2011, 09:57 PM
Indeed, maids are crafty buggers and they can go anywhere.
Where do maids go when they aren't doing it?
09-19-2011, 10:28 PM
Maids go where the butlers are when they're not doing it.
Should they be watched?
09-19-2011, 11:54 PM
Only for profit-making; never for pleasure.
How much time does it take an efficiency expert to screw in a light bulb?
09-20-2011, 05:54 AM
In less time than it takes to snore.
How much time does it take an inefficiency INTJ to screw in a light bulb?
09-20-2011, 08:02 AM
The INTJ supervises while someone else screws in the light bulb.
If INTJ's do the thinking, who does the work?
09-20-2011, 08:03 AM
ST - the doers. This is too obvious. You should read more about personality types which are the foundation of this Forum.
Why isn't anyone laughing now?
09-20-2011, 08:37 AM
They're too busy trying to think of ways to screw in a light bulb.
Why do so many things taste like chicken?
09-20-2011, 01:59 PM
Didn't you see the Matrix?
Why is being under weight so fashionable?
09-20-2011, 05:50 PM
Skinny human beings are more generous and do actually send the extra food to those in need.
What happens when one wishes upon a star?
09-20-2011, 07:01 PM
The puppeteers who are running the universe laugh their asses off and then drop an anvil on you.
Why are there not more anvil accidents?
09-20-2011, 07:12 PM
There are actually lots of anvil accidents, but the anvil industry controls the media so it never gets reported.
How much money does it take to buy a congressman?
09-20-2011, 07:15 PM
Content removed by the Anvil Association of America.
Wouldn't most people sooner own the latest Apple device instead of a congressman?
09-20-2011, 07:27 PM
Not if they're an INTJ To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 15 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
Why is Steve Jobs such a jerk?
09-20-2011, 07:33 PM
He started getting all high and mighty when they started pronouncing his last name in the Biblical fashion. Before that he was plain old Steve Jawbs.
How can I get myself a piece of his dynasty?
09-20-2011, 07:39 PM
Help him design an iGirlfriend.
Why can't I think of a better question?
09-20-2011, 07:41 PM
Because it's bedtime. (good night)
How could I cut a couple of steps out of my evening routine?
09-20-2011, 08:23 PM
Coffee solves all problems.
Are there any child labor in the coffee industry?
09-20-2011, 08:41 PM
No. Just old guys with mules.
Is there any child labor in the garment industry?
09-20-2011, 08:43 PM
No, just old gals with arthritis.
Are the rich getting richer?
09-20-2011, 08:56 PM
No, but the Rich Public Relations' personnel department employees are getting smarter.
If Idi Amin were alive today, what country would he try for next? (The same one is boring.)
09-20-2011, 09:19 PM
What's happening in Uganda now?
09-20-2011, 11:21 PM
Where's the beef?
09-21-2011, 01:11 AM
What beef? ~~~ *pats tummy and burps*
Who invented the barbeque?
09-21-2011, 01:36 AM
Barb B. Queue, a housewife from Kansas City.
Who invented the Q-Tip?
09-21-2011, 06:37 AM
Q of Q Branch, then Q Division but this is on need to know basis.
Why's a quartermaster called a quartermaster?
09-21-2011, 08:46 AM
Because he is not good enough to be halfmaster or fullmaster.
Do ravens believe in God?
09-21-2011, 02:30 PM
Yes, because God inspired Edgar Allen Poe to write about them.
Will all dogs go to Heaven?
09-21-2011, 04:36 PM
eventually. if you thought purgatory was rough on catholics, you wouldn't believe what dogs have to go through.
whats the best use for a half cantaloupe?
09-21-2011, 04:53 PM
Shellac it after filling with some treasured items you don't want to lose. (You knew that, sorry for pointing out the obvious.)
What is Evelyn Wood doing now that her speed reading course is passe?
09-21-2011, 10:46 PM
She is currently taming wild mules.
Why are people lazy?
09-21-2011, 11:26 PM
Someone had to be. Besides, the lazy people are the ones who invented all those awesome gadgets that the not so lazy ones are using.
Is Idi Amin in Heaven or Hell?
09-22-2011, 12:31 AM
Neither, he's alive and well and living in Argentina
Is Elvis dead yet?
09-22-2011, 12:33 AM
I saw Elvis just the other day at Dave's Bar-b-Cue Pit. Shit, that man ain't never gonna die. (I am writing this from Memphis, TN.)
What about Elvira: sexy or a hag?
09-22-2011, 12:36 AM
Elivira is a babe
How about Johny Depp?
09-22-2011, 12:40 AM
Nostalgia: I would have made love to that Kentucky part Cherokee dark brown eyed boy, oh yeah!
Not any more: sold out--just does pirate and pirate-like shit, now. Let down...
Liz Taylor, back in the day OR Lana Turner, same?
09-22-2011, 02:30 AM
No they won't date you.
Is China a real threat to American world?
09-22-2011, 02:46 AM
Absolutely not. We don't even know how to eat with their chop sticks or count with their abacus.
In a fight between the meanest cat and the biggest dog, who will win?
09-22-2011, 03:35 AM
Donald Trump would win.
Why does it rain so much in the Pacific Northwest?
09-22-2011, 05:17 AM
On late evenings when no one is looking, the rain makers gather to perform the rain dance.
When will the Yosemite super-volcano blow?
09-22-2011, 06:48 AM
The minute I take a vacation there.
Why do cats bury their poop?
09-22-2011, 06:51 AM
They know that it gives embarrassing details about their lunch.
Have you ever been embarrassed by what you eat?
09-22-2011, 06:56 AM
No, why would I be? The dumpster behind McDonald's has good vittles in it.
When will China take over the world?
09-22-2011, 07:00 AM
When the cows come home.
Does the bulls always come home?
09-22-2011, 07:08 AM
Not always. Sometimes they get drunk with their buddies and pass out on the sidewalk.
What was the greatest movie ever?
09-22-2011, 04:24 PM
Birth of a Nation.
What is the worst disease to have?
09-22-2011, 05:50 PM
What is my favorite book?
09-22-2011, 06:18 PM
You Are Reading The Title by The Literalist.
What's with the snot?
09-22-2011, 07:01 PM
in the orient, usually sushi. in the southern u.s., we usually just hock it on a cracker.
what's a sitcom?
09-22-2011, 07:41 PM
If I remember my military jargon southcom is the southern command, centcom is central command, so sitcom must be where some bureaucrat sits in a nice cushy chair and commands everyone else to do all of the work.
How can I get a cushy government job?
09-22-2011, 09:36 PM
Start with a good toothpaste. Then learn to flash that awesome smile.
Will all the Greek civil servants be fired?
09-22-2011, 09:45 PM
Yes, they'll need to be set on fire. I'm strangely not concerned.
Will we have flying cars in the future?
09-22-2011, 10:48 PM
We won't need to. we can tele-port.
Does the space elevator exist?
09-22-2011, 11:03 PM
No, but the space fellator does. It pays 700 bucks an hour....not that I'm applying for it or anything....
Can cans can-can?
09-22-2011, 11:16 PM
Can. Cans can can-can!
Are can-cans made from whale bone?
09-22-2011, 11:28 PM
+rs. Yes they are. It's wildly popular to watch but cheap cos of the sticky seats.
How do breakdancing turtles practice?
09-23-2011, 01:23 AM
With a ladder, a spoon and a bottle of ketchup.
Where do baby porpises come from?
The Purple People Eater
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Where did Gulliver travel?
09-23-2011, 02:46 AM
Into the dictionary, where his narcissism and poor spelling skills led to some annoyance at a tricksy friend.
Could a CPU ever experience the joys of suffocation?
09-23-2011, 02:47 AM
What ever happened to Sha Na Na?
09-23-2011, 02:59 AM
their tv show was picked up in syndication with japanese subtitles.
what is the difference between coke and pepsi?
09-23-2011, 03:02 AM
^^ - She is selling sulfur and sodium.
She is now called S Na Na
^ - they have different names
What is happening with our consciousness of life when we sleep?
09-23-2011, 03:06 AM
Mafia dons hold my tongue. :uneasy:
I've said too much.
How slow can a person's blood be drained to prolong their predeath sufferation?
09-23-2011, 03:28 AM
Depends on viscosity. If you chill 'em, a good long time
Is rath better than math?
09-23-2011, 03:53 AM
Why don't we have both? (This is both answer and question)
09-23-2011, 05:43 AM
Greed does not become you.
Will you choose one if you can have two?
09-23-2011, 09:35 AM
Bad Occam! Put down that razor! Step away from that dog's throat!
Can perfect kneecaps be bacterially cultivated?
09-23-2011, 01:31 PM
Is there a place for us?
09-23-2011, 02:16 PM
Yes, everyone is so accepting.
Will tomorrow be better than yesterday?
09-23-2011, 04:47 PM
yes. due to baseline budgeting, there is a 12% increase built into every fiscal year. even though the tough economy has cut the increase to 5%, and even though the CBO scores that as a 7% decrease, the truth is- things will be better than yesterday.
what is composite photography?
09-23-2011, 05:02 PM
It's a 'complete' composite: don't look any deeper, just a shortcut kind of th'ng.
What color are your eyes?
09-23-2011, 05:20 PM
that depends on what the meanings of the word 'are' are.
why is syrup sticky?
09-23-2011, 06:04 PM
Because if it were smooth, it would flow right off the pancakes, the table, onto the floor, and your kitchen would be even messier than I imagine it is.
Why do so many women love diamonds?
09-23-2011, 06:07 PM
Diamonds work great as an inflationary offset!
Is it true that Starbuck's wants your firstborn in exchange for a latte?
09-23-2011, 06:21 PM
Yes, and I wouldn't trade that gem of a young man for anything!
Are you a cat or a dog person? (Hey, I can't usually tell at first who is a man or woman according to an avi, so this is not as stupid as it may sound.)
09-24-2011, 12:22 AM
Well my Brundlematic 2000 needs still more power so I'm neither yet.
Whose turn is it?
09-24-2011, 12:32 AM
Anyone but yours?
09-24-2011, 02:27 AM
Turn turn turn , for every season .....
Why do I have a song stuck in my head?
09-24-2011, 02:30 AM
Because someone put a CD player inside of your head. There was a lot of free space since your brain is very tiny.
Some people say that size doesn't matter. Does it mean they never had to buy shoes?
09-24-2011, 02:36 AM
No, they were not talking about shoes. ;)
So does size matter?
09-24-2011, 02:44 AM
Size matters when your trying to get in a car.
How do people get into those smart cars?
09-24-2011, 02:45 AM
^^ I think that above all the plug should fit the socket.
^ They have IQ over 174. Smart cars are not for stupid people.
Is Edison a real inventor or just a thief of ideas?
09-24-2011, 02:47 AM
He was a thief! All those awesome ideas came from me!
Did Hitler use the teleporter the Germans built to go into hiding someplace else?
09-24-2011, 03:06 AM
He tried, but scattered his atoms across the cosmos.
Wasn't Hiltler Jewish?
09-24-2011, 03:09 AM
No. He was the real last of the Mohicans.
Did he sire any Mohicans?
09-24-2011, 03:29 AM
Couldn't. He was way to impotent for that.
Just how impotent was he?
09-24-2011, 03:56 AM
Way too. He was so impotent that he - :stare:
What's this information worth to you?
09-24-2011, 04:30 AM
The information it is worth very much, because it can be one of the most influential things for predicting US budget for next 4000 years.
Does anyone know how long INTJs live?
09-24-2011, 07:02 AM
They normally only live about 20 or 30 years in the wild because they normally kill each other with their death stares. But some INTJs that have been kept in captivity have made it to 90.
What color is an INTJ?
09-24-2011, 10:46 AM
All INTJ's are inherently green... And photosynthetic, but our subconscious keeps it hidden from the emotional sorts for their own sake.
Do all INTJ's really own a lightsaber?
09-24-2011, 10:53 AM
More likely Hello Kitty ensembles than light sabers.
Do you ever dress up as a furry?
09-24-2011, 11:07 AM
All the time! Well, that is after i heal. I use real fur but I couldn't hurt the poor creatures so I use live ones. Sometimes they're not too happy about it.
What's the best pick-up line to attract an INTJ?
09-24-2011, 03:06 PM
"who needs some wuvin?"
what is a whole number?
09-24-2011, 11:13 PM
The same as a half number, but about 1.5 times more.
Which toe has delusions of grandeur?
09-25-2011, 12:01 AM
The Little Piggy (Greedy) who went to Market (Wallstreet). Need I say Duh, Gah, or Adios?
09-25-2011, 02:11 AM
Where does the word couch come from?
09-25-2011, 02:55 AM
couch is a germanic derivative of the latin word coochie, which means warm, wet and snug
why does coffee make me nervous?
09-25-2011, 04:16 AM
Coffee is a stalker.
When can I go home?
09-25-2011, 04:43 AM
never (To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 15 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.)
why do i listen to those guys every day now??
09-25-2011, 05:56 AM
Failure of the Nappy Roots Non-Proliferation Treaty.
Could there be a better way than stabbing to get a point across (and inside)?
09-25-2011, 06:02 AM
rent a hooker
what was the turning point in world war two?
09-25-2011, 06:11 AM
Once it's over, I'll let you know.
Is chamomile tea tasty?
09-25-2011, 06:14 AM
nope, but it's great on poison ivy.
is there a difference between the sexes?
09-25-2011, 06:20 AM
Sex today is usually more enjoyable than sex yesterday or the day before, but in the end, I think all sexes are quite satisfying.
What is a bottle cap for?
09-25-2011, 06:47 AM
Containment of all fluids.
Do you have a bottle cap on your -
Do you have a bottle cap as part of your component?
09-25-2011, 02:37 PM
No bottle. No cap
Is GD made of glass?
09-25-2011, 05:39 PM
Yes - he's recycled
Cork or screw top?
09-25-2011, 06:06 PM
Like the finest shoes, fastened with velcro.
Would I be sexier if I wore Manolo Blahniks?
09-25-2011, 06:14 PM
No, but combat boots, baggy pants and flannel shirts are definitely sexy.
What's the fastest way to get from New York to London?
09-25-2011, 06:21 PM
First, find a bottle with a genie in it and then come back and ask me again.
Does my ass look big in this?
09-25-2011, 06:26 PM
No, it fits your head but you do fall over a lot with that thin neck between the two, aye?
Can you fly?
09-25-2011, 06:39 PM
After enough beverages of a social nature, yes.
Are the herons going to disown me?
09-25-2011, 06:45 PM
Yes. They are planning a remake of "The Birds" and you are going to be an extra.
Why are there so many PUA threads on this forum?
09-25-2011, 06:52 PM
Because it's an acronym forum.
When will it snow for the first time this coming season in the Wasatch mountain range?
09-25-2011, 08:41 PM
It's always snowing in the Wasatch mountain range.
Is paper real?
09-25-2011, 09:44 PM
Yes, it's real thin.
Is dancing on tables a good idea?
09-25-2011, 11:04 PM
Well that depends on if you're referring to iptables or an uns(table)^2. Either way I know nothing about them so thanks for making me look like an idiot in front of everyone.
Why do you hate me?
09-26-2011, 02:47 AM
Why isn't money worth more money?
09-26-2011, 06:16 AM
They would be worth much more if you didn't insist on swiping each note through your butt crack before paying.
Whose footprints are these?
09-26-2011, 07:25 AM
I used to be so careful about these things.
Does robots leave any prints behind?
09-26-2011, 03:18 PM
Yes, but no one recognizes them for what they are.
Are dogs color-blind?
09-26-2011, 05:28 PM
in the standard ocular sense, yes. however, the Center For Herpetological Studies at Belmont has discovered that many canines can differentiate color and hue through olfactory awareness.
how do you make glass?
09-26-2011, 06:09 PM
You steal it from the windows of your neighbors.
Will robots take over the planet in the future?
09-26-2011, 06:45 PM
Only one: have you seen the antenna on GennessorAdios' head (I can't even spell his name)? Picks up ALL frequencies, in future ones.
Did Venus de Milo pay to have her arms cut off?
09-26-2011, 07:58 PM
No, she lost them building the Parthenon so workers comp covered it.
Why do people hate lawyers?
09-26-2011, 08:14 PM
It has something to do with the song, Lawyers, Guns and Money--and sublimal messages.
How come paper cuts hurt like the dickens and huge wounds don't--until doctors get a hold of you?
09-26-2011, 09:36 PM
Because Charles Dickens was a novelist and his books contain paper... makes sense to me.
How many hours are there in a day?
09-26-2011, 09:37 PM
365, which can make a day feel like a friggin' year, sometimes.
What is a baker's dozen?
09-27-2011, 05:29 AM
the six kids with his first wife, four with his second, two with his mistress, and one he never even knew about. (none with tammy fay)
what makes for a good televangelist?
09-27-2011, 05:33 AM
Is it important to have a soul mate?
09-27-2011, 09:10 AM
Of course. Everyone needs a sla... someone who can help you in troubling situations. Of course you pay for this by doing the same thing.
Can you explain how palm trees are related to obesity in New Zealand?
09-27-2011, 08:37 PM
excellent question. palm trees usually mean palm gnats. feral cats binge on the palm gnats, bloat and die. putrid cats infect the ground water, killing the majority of the livestock and vegetation. without healthy alternatives, the population subsists on twinkies. ergo, obesity.
why doesn't the 'I' come first in neighbor and weigh?
09-27-2011, 08:51 PM
Whay ask why?
09-27-2011, 09:25 PM
Ask no questions and you will be told no lies.
Who said that?
09-28-2011, 12:30 AM
Sorry I was thinking out loud.
What would you do if someone rejected your love?
09-28-2011, 05:00 AM
rent a hooker and get the arrangement in writing.
what is phlegm?
09-28-2011, 05:46 AM
Creative juice secreted when someone smart thinks.
Who is Rip Van Winkle?
09-28-2011, 04:34 PM
A used van salesperson.
Do early birds really catch all the worms?
09-28-2011, 05:47 PM
every. single. one. of. them.
what is that band around an earthworm?
09-28-2011, 05:49 PM
A mood ring.
How are the worms feeling?
09-28-2011, 05:52 PM
they have 12 pr of mucci fingertips on their belly. they can discern over 800 different surface types.
what is viscosity?
09-28-2011, 05:58 PM
Visor-sensory perception. (You know that.)
Why are fingers and toes called digits?
09-28-2011, 05:59 PM
Vis cosity is kinda like vat cosity only a little denser.
Vy are dare colds and flues?
09-28-2011, 06:05 PM
Because the chimney sweeps went on strike. Gah!
What does gah mean, anyway?
09-28-2011, 06:31 PM
Gah is a German Word that means gah.
Where do storks come from?
09-28-2011, 07:10 PM
Pig that made his house from sticks, of course.
What are goose bumps, really?
Flashbacks of chicken pox.
Is hip-hop dead?
09-28-2011, 09:31 PM
It's alive and well.
Are the Illuminati still active?
They activate your dollar.
Is greed a family value?
09-28-2011, 09:44 PM
Depends on the family, but for the ones that spout family values, yes
Why is greed coveted?
09-28-2011, 09:46 PM
Love of redundancy.
How many shades of blue are there?
Enough to keep you out of the red.
Is pessimism a byproduct of fear?
09-28-2011, 09:59 PM
No, it's the natural extension of optimism taken to the extreme right, or is that left, well, in one extreme direction or another.
Do men secretly want to cuddle more than have sex but are too manly to admit it?
09-29-2011, 03:14 AM
in a word, yes. the whole orgasm thing is a ruse; we like to lay still.
what is P R N D 2 1?
09-29-2011, 03:18 AM
Please Reiven: Now, do. 2 to 1, he'll move a bit.
Did Batman punk Robin or other way around?
09-29-2011, 03:27 AM
believe it or not, they were both asexual. well, excluding their fondness for the batdog.
why does electricity hurt?
Sometimes we get lazy and wiring or charging up can be such a shock to our system that it hurts.
Why do people care about the weather so much?
09-29-2011, 05:32 AM
Weathers have feelings too, you know?
What's happening at Canary Island?
Its for the birds.
If the grass is always greener on the other side, where's the greenest other side of the fence?
09-29-2011, 10:34 AM
It's on the side that the neighbour's dog is always 'fertilizing'.
If I click my ruby slippers together enough times will I wake up back at home?
09-29-2011, 10:39 AM
If your home is Kansas during the Great Depression, yes.
What's your favorite band?
09-29-2011, 10:42 AM
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How many teacups you drink daily?
09-29-2011, 11:41 AM
Just one, since the price of ceramic has greatly increased.
What is a gooch crucible used for?
09-29-2011, 11:43 AM
Is it impossible for humans to fly?
09-29-2011, 03:36 PM
No, it's our Ace: we're saving that act for when we really need to prove we're the superior species.
Will fruit flies eat vegetables?
09-29-2011, 03:55 PM
No. Fruit fly larvae aren't already in most of your vegetables when you buy them from the store.
Why do I get hives?
09-29-2011, 04:57 PM
A genetic predisposition
09-29-2011, 06:31 PM
Clever. Invisible question. In that case, the answer is Yes.
Would it be going overboard to wear the sexy sandals tomorrow?
09-29-2011, 07:07 PM
May I take a look at those sandals?
09-29-2011, 07:09 PM
Of course. If you wear sexy sandals on a boat, you'll end up losing your balance and going overboard.
Where are the available men?
09-29-2011, 07:26 PM
According to the movie, Miami
Why isn't black, blue?
09-30-2011, 12:12 AM
You'll go black and blue for asking a question like that.
Why won't you go pink and purple for asking a question like that?
09-30-2011, 03:22 AM
Because he's not gay to be pink.
Do you know that the text you are currently reading doesn't exist?
09-30-2011, 06:30 AM
You don't say! :surprised:
What about these text? Does it exist?
It merely exists as approximation of thought.
Do sounds hear color when words speak smells touching visions?
09-30-2011, 11:38 AM
north of the equator, yes.
what are crayons made of?
09-30-2011, 02:00 PM
Sounds, if you are north of the equator.
Where do premonitions come from?
09-30-2011, 04:07 PM
Where do pimpernels come from?
09-30-2011, 04:30 PM
Little House on the Prairie character, Nellie Olson.
What's a fiver?
09-30-2011, 04:32 PM
It's a tenor with a lower voice.
09-30-2011, 05:35 PM
Why did Sprelious forget to ask a question?
09-30-2011, 05:57 PM
He didn't. You're just not psychic.
Why do unemployed students get government grants while a full time working student gets a laughable little loan?
09-30-2011, 06:32 PM
College is preparation for life.
Why aren't there any leaders anymore?
09-30-2011, 10:04 PM
Everyone took the saying, 'Too many chiefs...' too seriously.
Why do some guys hang a large pair of dice on their rear view mirrors?
09-30-2011, 10:13 PM
In case they find a really big Crap Game.
Why do birds sing?
09-30-2011, 10:20 PM
To annoy cicadas.
Is plantain pudding as good as banana pudding?
09-30-2011, 10:22 PM
No. It's disgusting
Why is there fruit?
09-30-2011, 10:24 PM
To feed to fruit bats.
Which reminds me: Why are there bats in the belfry?
09-30-2011, 10:28 PM
It's a bat reservation
Why is the desert dry?
09-30-2011, 10:32 PM
Because oceans are wet: atmospheric antonym thing.
Blue bottle fly: is that the kind Emily Dickinson heard buzz, as narrative in her poem, when she died?
10-01-2011, 03:41 AM
Negative. Grim Reaper buzzes too.
Does excessive caffeine cause nausea?
10-01-2011, 04:23 AM
It depends whether the caffeine is friendly or not.
Can you ask a question for me?
10-01-2011, 06:09 AM
I thought you'd never ask.
Why do trees whisper?
So you can't hear what they're saying.
Why do emotions change?
10-01-2011, 06:54 AM
Because people's mood rings change colors.
How much does it cost to buy the stairway to heaven?
10-01-2011, 06:02 PM
You can't buy it, the stores are all closed.
How much does a really good hooker cost?
10-01-2011, 11:37 PM
You can get them for free at the dry-cleaner's.
Where is my little toe nail?
10-02-2011, 02:17 AM
In the drawer.
Where are my fellow magpies?
10-02-2011, 02:19 AM
Between the cat's two front paws.
How did cats get 9 lives?
10-02-2011, 03:58 AM
They gave God a bride.
Why is the world so cruel in case of sexuality in general?
10-02-2011, 07:05 AM
Because sexuality is gazetted strictly for procreation.
What is dirty dancing?
10-02-2011, 07:54 AM
It is a dance for people who don't wash themselves.
Do you think that Poland will be a more influential country in future?
10-02-2011, 08:15 AM
yes. following the dutch model, they will first dominate the tulip trade. this is intended to fund the billion man chinese mercenary force. then, once their scientists master that teleportation thingy... the world is theirs.
what is naugahyde?
10-02-2011, 11:55 AM
A word the natives used for skinned scalps. ex: I'll trade you two naugahydes for three chickenhyde.
What does this switch do? Also: up, or down?
10-02-2011, 11:58 AM
That switch activates our economy, and you keep pressing it down.
Why is it cloudy today?
10-02-2011, 01:11 PM
Because it's part of God's plan to make you sad.
Why do people cry?
To make you feel guilty.
Why are cats hard to train?
10-02-2011, 05:40 PM
Why are dogs such suck ups?
10-02-2011, 08:54 PM
They want to appear good so they can get into a good law school.
Why isn't the economy improving?
10-02-2011, 09:37 PM
Nobody is spending money. Quick go buy something.
Why are you still sitting there?
10-02-2011, 10:32 PM
I haven't finish flooding all the threads and I'm not done engaging in more word brawls. ;)
What about you? Why are you still here?
10-02-2011, 11:03 PM
I live here!
Why haven't we discovered life on other planets yet?
10-03-2011, 03:10 AM
Because aliens are smart enough to hide from us.
Do you think that sugar telepathically says "Eat me!" when you see it?
10-03-2011, 03:29 AM
no. sugar is an XnfX... it says "love me."
"eat me" is intj-speak, you prolly heard that from your ice cubes.
what is the difference between analog and digital?
10-03-2011, 03:32 AM
The main difference is that they are two different words.
What are rainbows for?
10-03-2011, 03:38 AM
what is an 18 wheeler?
10-03-2011, 03:45 AM
Group of nine bikes.
What are perfumes for?
10-03-2011, 03:58 AM
in 1861, the Revlon Corporation introduced man scent, the smell of manual labor. with this incredible new product, men who worked at a desk all day could splash on a few drops before entering the bar. in an instant they could blend in with the longshoremen and cattle-hands throwing back beer after beer.
what is the umbilical cord for?
10-03-2011, 06:44 AM
What is the belly button for?
10-03-2011, 07:23 AM
For pressing it. Like every button in the world.
God didn't spoke personally to people in 2000 years. Does this mean that he is shy?
10-03-2011, 07:53 AM
It's the Information Age. There is no longer any need.
Are you prepared?
10-03-2011, 10:15 AM
No. I'm raw, gracious tartare.
Should I dare?
10-03-2011, 04:25 PM
Is there life after death?
10-03-2011, 04:52 PM
yes. there are cave paintings from france that indicate the Avignonions believed the afterlife was temporary, similar to purgatory. once they met the criteria they moved onto the afterdeath. i have channeled one of them, and it's true.
what is the best use for honey?
10-03-2011, 05:16 PM
Shampoo. Women love the smell.
Why did colon cleansing ever become such a popular health fad?
10-03-2011, 05:42 PM
it was the low startup cost. the brush was about 3 bucks, and the paper towels and a bucket for under 10. add another 30 for advertising, and you are an entremanure for less than $50.
why do people run with the bulls?
10-03-2011, 06:18 PM
The cows won't run.
Why does advertising work?
Because you have faith in them.
Why don't all relationships last?
10-03-2011, 09:29 PM
Some people are smarter than others.
Why does the sun come up?
10-04-2011, 01:11 AM
You don't want it to go down on you. :rolleyes:
How does one die satisfied?
10-04-2011, 04:07 AM
overeat at a chinese buffet, and flatline without paying.
what is msg?
10-04-2011, 05:51 AM
Monosodium glutamated messages.
Why am I alone here?
10-04-2011, 06:08 AM
^^Really l33t (and post-hip) way of shorthanding mmmm that's good. Usually exclaimed quite loudly in classy restaurants. (ie: UMMSSGAH!)
^Because you're here, get it. (hehe :P)
Where does all this cold come from?
10-04-2011, 06:13 AM
I'm sorry. The room gets really cold when I sing. I thought I was alone. :embarrassed:
Did you hear me sing?
10-04-2011, 06:14 AM
Why am I deaf?
10-04-2011, 06:16 AM
You might want to remove those ear plugs.
Can you hear me now?
10-04-2011, 06:28 AM
Yes, but there's still some banana in my ear.
What's so floppy about floppy disks?
10-04-2011, 06:34 AM
Why I'm so tired?
10-04-2011, 06:46 AM
You shouldn't jump on your bed so much.
Why did you?
10-04-2011, 08:08 AM
I didn't think anyone was looking.
Why is there a world's largest ball of twine?
10-04-2011, 08:15 AM
To make emergency telephone calls across the globe when all modern communicational tools break down. You speak into one end of the twine. Coordination will be a problem.
Shall we lay the twine under the ocean?
10-04-2011, 08:17 AM
Absolutely. Twine is actually the best material for that.
Is the White House Corner Stone where it belongs?
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