View Full Version : I'm So Bored; Please Amuse Me - The Wrong Answer Game
venuspop
08-16-2011, 01:36 AM
Hungerstrikeniac.
How much gold is stored at Fort Knox ?
GenessorDios
08-16-2011, 01:46 AM
Exactly as much as all the gold that's not stored everywhere outside Fort Knox.
Is it better to be incorruptible or irredeemable?
venuspop
08-16-2011, 01:51 AM
It is better to be indestructible.
Who would you consider a modern saint?
Sprelious
08-16-2011, 03:20 AM
Flip Wilson
Who would you consider a latter day saint?
Neil Hamburger
Why do you constantly ingest LSD?
Sprelious
08-16-2011, 03:40 AM
It's a great source of protein.
Why not the nose dildo pic?
venuspop
08-16-2011, 05:18 AM
Because I had spaghetti last night.
Why does beans cause intestinal gas?
Sprelious
08-16-2011, 07:35 AM
They are Methane capsules.
Do tight rope walkers get callouses on their feet?
Munglik
08-16-2011, 07:39 AM
They are Methane capsules.
Do tight rope walkers get callouses on their feet?
It's a common misconception that they walk on the rope.
They actually hover a very tiny distance above it.
Why is pizza so tasty?
Sprelious
08-16-2011, 08:13 AM
They use marijuana instead of Oregano.
Why do they call Congressmen representatives when they do everything but?
Munglik
08-16-2011, 08:17 AM
Because they do represent the people.
Why can't I study forever?
Sprelious
08-16-2011, 08:36 AM
Because your brain would explode
Why do bananas turn brown?
WoodsWoman
08-16-2011, 01:11 PM
To much sun.
Where do puddles disappear to?
Clouds.
How do you walk on water that isn't frozen?
Sprelious
08-16-2011, 02:50 PM
Very carefully
How do you walk on water that is frozen?
gracious
08-16-2011, 04:49 PM
With your curling slider on.
How does sunscreen work?
Its an extra layer of liquid skin creating a temporary external shield until the layer of skin becomes melted.
Why do some people like lotion?
gracious
08-16-2011, 05:19 PM
It's free of trans fats.
Why is the target in curling called "the House"?
ness2361
08-16-2011, 07:15 PM
Because the target is built like a Brick... and is mighty, mighty, and is letting it all hang out.
Who bit the bitter-sweet fruit in the Garden first, Adam or Eve?
GenessorDios
08-16-2011, 08:04 PM
Hold on, let me ask someone who was old enough to have witnessed such an event.
Hey ness2361, who ate the bittersweet fruit first in Eden?
venuspop
08-16-2011, 08:08 PM
It was the Forum Snake! I had that on the best authority. So folks, don't snake around.
How old is ^ robot?
Younger than the tin man.
What kind of magic tricks can the wizard of oz do?
venuspop
08-16-2011, 09:28 PM
He can make a Moderator appear in this thread.
Where do typhoons go when they're gone?
Kansas.
What has Theodore Kaczynski been up to these days?
venuspop
08-16-2011, 09:39 PM
He's looking into sewage systems.
What does he see there?
Mathematically asymmetrical labyrinths.
Where's the best place to surf big microwaves?
venuspop
08-16-2011, 10:32 PM
In GD's microwave technology storage locker.
What am I thinking about?
Sprelious
08-17-2011, 03:36 AM
Alpo
What am I thinking about?
thebrainpolice
08-17-2011, 04:38 AM
Something so dirty I'd get kicked off the the forum if I mentioned it.
Why is Sprelious's mind so dirty?
venuspop
08-17-2011, 05:21 AM
Because you're in there. :p
What are you doing in there?
UnrulyR3d
08-17-2011, 05:27 AM
Stalking ^^^ of course.
What else would I be doing?
venuspop
08-17-2011, 05:33 AM
You don't want to know. Besides, I'd get kicked off the the forum if I mentioned it.
Why do dogs bark at postmen?
Sprelious
08-17-2011, 06:05 AM
Because the postman always rings twice
Why does the postman always ring twice?
WoodsWoman
08-17-2011, 09:37 AM
So he doesn't get shot at.
Why do places offer WiFi but not have anywhere to plug in to revive an overused laptop battery?
Sprelious
08-17-2011, 10:22 AM
Your supposed to bring your own exercise bike with a generator to burn the calories you consume while charging your computer.
What does WiFi stand for?
Will Find you.
I have a conceptual idea of Big Brother, so what is Big Sister?
Sprelious
08-17-2011, 01:17 PM
Well, That's a tall order. Let me see if I can explain this adequately. She's the one that hits you upside the head and then beats the crap out of someone else who hits you upside the head. She's the one that doesn't tell Ma you were drying out weed in the oven, but turns you in for going five miles over the speed limit for your own good. Oh, not my big sister? Nevermind.
Do you know the way to Santa Fe?
Negativezero
08-17-2011, 05:48 PM
you have to go through the temporal rift in the fat ass continuum through your t.v. and you'll be on your way.
Who killed amy winehouse?
Crackheads gone wild.
What's your opinion on Lady Gaga?
gracious
08-17-2011, 06:43 PM
A gentleman and a scholar.
What is the specific gravity of diesel fuel?
GenessorDios
08-17-2011, 07:17 PM
It doesn't exist. The vague gravity of it though is well-defined, ironically enough. I'd tell it to you but the infinite recursion would make you nauseous.
How do cats land on their feet?
ness2361
08-17-2011, 09:57 PM
With magnets, silly man.
Simpson, you asked me--because I'm old and wise and have never changed out of my birthday suit, who ate the bitter-sweet fruit in the Garden of Eden... Alice Cooper said, "Only women bleed" which he meant metaphorically, but if you don't believe me, then go ask Sprelious who is older than I...
Real Question, such as it is: Did the Wright Brothers intend to land at Kitty Hawk?
GenessorDios
08-18-2011, 12:23 AM
Real answer: I hate snails.
In a race between a feather and happiness, what's the largest known prime number divisible by 0?
venuspop
08-18-2011, 05:01 AM
42 - Don't ask!
Why does legumes return the nitrates to the soil?
thebrainpolice
08-18-2011, 05:15 AM
Because the legumes didn't keep up with their payments and the soil is repossessing them.
Why don't bald eagles wear wigs?
venuspop
08-18-2011, 05:17 AM
Flight inconvenience.
Does eagles make good pets?
Sprelious
08-18-2011, 05:53 AM
They make great pets. I have two in my living room and aside from carrying off a small child once in a while they're very well behaved.
If three men build two houses, where will Paris Hilton live?
GenessorDios
08-18-2011, 05:59 AM
At any one time, wrapped around one of those men, or any men who happen to be nearby, or a bull, or a particularly male-looking tree.
When does the show start?
venuspop
08-18-2011, 06:00 AM
In the kennel.
How alluring is Paris Hilton?
GenessorDios
08-18-2011, 06:07 AM
Her allure is very powerful. Why, she can catch six to seven Al's each time she uses it. Course, she bought such a fancy one with all her daddy's money so it's a little unfair.
Pie me?
Sprelious
08-18-2011, 06:28 AM
With magnets, silly man.
Simpson, you asked me--because I'm old and wise and have never changed out of my birthday suit, who ate the bitter-sweet fruit in the Garden of Eden... Alice Cooper said, "Only women bleed" which he meant metaphorically, but if you don't believe me, then go ask Sprelious who is older than I...
Real Question, such as it is: Did the Wright Brothers intend to land at Kitty Hawk?
That's quite true
---------- Post added 08-18-2011 at 05:30 AM ----------
Not right now. We have to wait tip the end of the Mayan calendar in 2012.
What are fiddle sticks?
GenessorDios
08-18-2011, 06:49 AM
Your cat told me that's what you nicknamed your genitals.
Why do you have more than one?
thebrainpolice
08-18-2011, 06:49 AM
Sticks you fiddle around with.
What are libertarians made of?
Edit: Its a spare in case his main one goes bad. Now my question.
Sprelious
08-18-2011, 06:52 AM
Swiss cheese and camphor oil
What's the core principle of Capitalism?
GenessorDios
08-18-2011, 06:56 AM
THIS WORLD WILL BE FREE IF WE ACCEPT CAPITALISM INTO OUR HEARTS.
Should sarcasm be barred from the workplace?
Sprelious
08-18-2011, 06:58 AM
What would the point of coming to work?
Is that really the wrong answer?
GenessorDios
08-18-2011, 07:07 AM
Can I be a rebel like you and ask two questions?
If only I was so brave.
Sprelious
08-18-2011, 08:27 AM
No. However you clearly have no limit on word count.
Is there a quick way to make ice cream?
gracious
08-18-2011, 09:53 AM
Step 1 - Hose the cow down with liquid nitrogen.
How can I purge my brain of work words and acronyms that are meaningless in the rest of the world?
Sprelious
08-18-2011, 12:51 PM
Stick an air hose in one ear and blow them out the other.
How can I purge my mind of every useless number I know?
ness2361
08-18-2011, 04:29 PM
Like any sane man would do: with a laxative made up of 10,000 maniacal bulemics.
Did Meatloaf have dashboard lights?
No, but he put opera on MTV.
Why aren't laws based on sin?
Sprelious
08-18-2011, 05:38 PM
They are. They're written by sinners.
Why is football sooooooooooooooooooooo cool?
gracious
08-18-2011, 06:24 PM
Must be all the men in tight pants groping each other's tushes for... I dunno how long does one of those games take 7 hours? zzzzzzzzzzzz
Why isn't there a global standard for electrical outlets so that no adaptors are required for international travel?
Sprelious
08-18-2011, 06:31 PM
There is. It's called the tesla Coil. Maybe someone should invent that.
What's wrong with football?
gracious
08-18-2011, 06:42 PM
There is absolutely nothing wrong with the game of soccer. I enjoy it very much and find it stimulating on many levels. In fact, I am going to think about knee socks for the next 10-15 minutes.
What should you do to amuse yourself while I'm away?
Sprelious
08-18-2011, 06:45 PM
I could watch footbal.
Why is the damn caps lock key right over the shift key? What querty genious came up with that placement?
ness2361
08-18-2011, 08:08 PM
Mr. Qwerty told the designers to make the keyboard difficult so typists would slow the fuck down. (More true than most persons realize but you know me, The Bookworm...)
Why is a woman who enjoys wearing leather AND lace called a femibutch?
Because she is playing the role of being a gay masculine hell's angel singing for Judas Priest.
Is hermaphroditic masturbation considered incest?
venuspop
08-19-2011, 05:13 AM
The earthworms didn't think so.
Can earthworms scream?
Sprelious
08-19-2011, 09:21 AM
Yes, but five billion of them have to scream at the same to be heard by a dog.
Did you hear that?
GenessorDios
08-19-2011, 10:47 AM
Yes, and I've told you countless times: stomach acids can't speak English.
What part of the pie is apple seeds?
Sprelious
08-19-2011, 11:44 AM
The Johnny
Where do kumquats come from?
Dried squash excitement.
What's your future prediction for 10 years ahead?
Sprelious
08-19-2011, 02:51 PM
Lithuania will rule the world
What's your prediction for 11 years ahead
ness2361
08-19-2011, 03:25 PM
America will be the size of Rhode Island which will be the size of the U.S.S.Rhodesia.
Did the president of Hasbro think up the slinky because he was having an affair and Freud entered into his invention, somewhere?
Sprelious
08-19-2011, 03:28 PM
No president anywhere has ever thought of anything. However the engineer ....
Is there a shortcut to other galaxies?
The unconscious.
Why would America be considered Atlantis?
thebrainpolice
08-19-2011, 05:01 PM
Because America will also be underwater due to global warming.
Should I invest in beach front property in West Virginia?
ness2361
08-19-2011, 05:33 PM
Absolutely!
Are helium balloons filled with small men laughing at fart jokes?
Sprelious
08-19-2011, 06:13 PM
I believe that question stands on it's own, so I'll just say yes.
Is that a great question or what?
DeepThought
08-19-2011, 07:24 PM
Yes, it would impress and amuse even the most snobbish/blue-blooded types.
Why do I always get a headache when I don't get enough sleep?
Sprelious
08-19-2011, 07:34 PM
You may have a defective fratastat.
Why do I always get drunk when I drink too much?
ness2361
08-19-2011, 09:09 PM
Because you drink the piss and piss away the beer, you foolish foolish man.
Why at 50 are my tits--like a clown to the left of me and a joker to the right--lying on either side of me in bed so that I am stuck in the middle again?
reiven
08-20-2011, 03:58 AM
because you started out with nothing and you're proud that you're a self made man.
why do breasts wear clown noses?
thebrainpolice
08-20-2011, 05:06 AM
They want to join the circus.
Why do I have so much hair on my back?
Sprelious
08-20-2011, 05:09 AM
It slid there from your head.
Why does my ankle hurt?
thebrainpolice
08-20-2011, 05:11 AM
Venuspop bit it.
Will she bite me next?
Sprelious
08-20-2011, 05:17 AM
She a lover not a biter
Where is the exact middle of America
venuspop
08-20-2011, 05:27 AM
Middletown, Connecticut.
Who does Connecticut connect?
Sprelious
08-20-2011, 05:29 AM
Andormeda and the Milky Way
Why is the portal to another galaxy in Connecticut
venuspop
08-20-2011, 05:43 AM
The connection and the cut is all within Connecticut.
Isn't it unwise to have both within Connecticut?
It is unwise to have America be the center of the galaxy.
What does "Simon say"?
Sprelious
08-20-2011, 09:12 AM
That was awful.
What does the other Simon say?
GenessorDios
08-20-2011, 11:32 AM
He said the road's only as long as your mind wants it to be.
Does clarity bring happiness?
gracious
08-20-2011, 12:18 PM
Temporarily, if the cut and colour are also of high quality.
Why does anyone decorate with plasic fruit?
Bobsama
08-20-2011, 12:33 PM
Because it's a lot more edible than wax fruit.
How many calories are in wax fruit?
Sprelious
08-20-2011, 01:10 PM
All seven of them.
Is there a happy medium?
hamlet9
08-20-2011, 05:00 PM
Not anymore; she's dead, buried with her crystal ball.
Is there a secret door in my apartment leading to the underworld?
Sprelious
08-20-2011, 05:21 PM
Yes it's in the lower left hand cupboard behind the cheese puffs.
What's so interesting about the underworld?
ness2361
08-20-2011, 06:49 PM
the lingerie.
Is star power more powerful than political currency?
Sprelious
08-20-2011, 06:58 PM
Oh ya sure. Look how much we talk about Paris Hilton.
Did I get that right?
ness2361
08-20-2011, 08:04 PM
Yes, absolutely (have you seen the inside of my mind...: good luck!)
If atmosphere is made up out of a scientist's vocabulary, who came up with the tooth fairy?
venuspop
08-20-2011, 11:45 PM
I can't remember if it's The Rock or Arnold Schwarzenegger.
Should I bury my gold in a hole in the garden?
thebrainpolice
08-21-2011, 05:18 AM
No, you should bury it in a hole in MY garden.
If I start digging a hole in my back yard, how long will it take to get to the center of the earth?
venuspop
08-21-2011, 05:21 AM
About 42 lifetimes.
Can you figure out why the answer is always 42?
thebrainpolice
08-21-2011, 05:26 AM
That was Jesus's number when he played college football.
When will they retire his number?
When Richard Nixon becomes president again.
Why is 6 afraid of 7?
venuspop
08-21-2011, 05:28 AM
Because they're always at sixes and sevens with you.
Are they ever in the nines?
Sprelious
08-21-2011, 05:30 AM
The nines ate the tens and got banned.
Is four more?
venuspop
08-21-2011, 05:30 AM
No, I have more. Always did.
Do you need any?
Sprelious
08-21-2011, 05:43 AM
Yes, no, maybe .... why?
I have more don't I?
venuspop
08-21-2011, 05:48 AM
That's an illusion.
Are you still dreaming?
I'm dreaming of a reality where common sense is determined by public opinion.
Where's the farthest you've been from your physical location of your body, in a dream?
Sprelious
08-21-2011, 05:59 AM
Dreaming is for screaming. I stay at home for that.
Is there realy a reality?
GenessorDios
08-21-2011, 08:38 AM
No! Now be quiet while I harvest your organs....I mean, of course there is, back to sleep with you now, little one.
How much would someone pay for a Mulder face transplant?
Sprelious
08-21-2011, 09:22 AM
No one would pay for that. People prefer the more mechanical look. Lie right here while I get the can opener.
Who invented the can opener?
GenessorDios
08-21-2011, 09:42 AM
The same guy who invented the can closer, panicked after his initial invention worked marvelously to contain his cat.
What would have happened to this thread if curiousjane had been contentedjane?
Sprelious
08-21-2011, 11:17 AM
We'd all be posting in the NF club
What would have happened to this thread if GD wasn't creative?
Bobsama
08-21-2011, 12:01 PM
It'd have been a much worse place.
Was that a backhanded insult?
Sprelious
08-21-2011, 12:09 PM
This isn't the insult thread so obviously no. No slight against anyone else, including myself, but you have to admit, GD comes from a place the rest of us don't have access to.
Why is why such a dumb looking word?
hamlet9
08-21-2011, 02:22 PM
Because there's a "y" in it.
Why isn't this the insult thread?
ness2361
08-21-2011, 02:46 PM
Because INTJs are very sensitive people.
If nouns and verbs may break our bones, how come motes and beams can never hurt us?
Sprelious
08-21-2011, 04:16 PM
Physics
Is Elvis really dead?
datagirl
08-21-2011, 05:06 PM
Not really - he lives on in our hearts and minds
Why is this fan squeaking?
Sprelious
08-21-2011, 05:29 PM
Tiny mice live in fans.
Why isn't my fan squeaking
datagirl
08-21-2011, 07:39 PM
forgot to get a refill on the Cialis?
Kim Kardashian and Kris - can true love survive?
Sprelious
08-21-2011, 07:51 PM
Well drama is alive and well; True love?
When is the end?
ness2361
08-21-2011, 08:03 PM
When the Fat Man sings: Never, My Love.
What is city chicken made out of?
Distance
08-21-2011, 09:14 PM
Chickens in suits, carrying briefcases with bluetooth earpieces surgically implanted into the side of their heads. And of course, raybans.
Which shell is the nut underneath?
venuspop
08-21-2011, 09:25 PM
Bombshell.
What are bombshells?
ness2361
08-22-2011, 12:02 AM
Blondes with breasts the size of fire ants.
Did Little Jack Horner sit in the corner eating his Christmas pie?
InTheFlesh
08-22-2011, 12:06 AM
Yes, I don't know if that's what her name was though..
Why do they sell canned ice tea without ice?
venuspop
08-22-2011, 02:33 AM
Ice can never ever be canned because it acts funny at 4 deg C. The can can explode and hurt somebody and insurance won't pay for that.
Can cans be canned?
Sprelious
08-22-2011, 06:53 AM
Isn't that a French dance.
Can the Can Can Be Canned?
With a can of Spam says 2 can Sam.
How do you get your rocks off?
ness2361
08-22-2011, 02:23 PM
I Can, Can't Choo? (puns are horrid, turn-offs, but must be done... in, done in):
If wishes were changes and changes were only catalysts, could wishes be granted in a vacuum?
Sprelious
08-22-2011, 03:07 PM
About time we got a good Physics question. I'm going with the indepth answer ..... Yes
Can you top that?
ness2361
08-22-2011, 04:46 PM
Is masturbating on this Forum a rule-breaker, even if it's only mental?
Thakur
08-22-2011, 04:50 PM
Masturbating is a spectator sport.
Where is Vermont?
ness2361
08-22-2011, 05:00 PM
In the book, The Mouse and His Child, and ruled by Manny the Rat.
Is the moon made of cheese, green or otherwise?
Thakur
08-22-2011, 05:02 PM
The moon is made of clowns.
What color does a cow make?
ness2361
08-22-2011, 05:15 PM
S/he doesn't. Fabrics, though, cows LOVE them.
If Venus marries Mars will Mercury get jealous?
Thakur
08-22-2011, 05:17 PM
Planets don't get married, the have civil unions.
Where did the cow go after he jumped over the moon?
Sprelious
08-22-2011, 05:21 PM
Disneyworld
Why are Nursery Rhymes dtill in fashion?
Thakur
08-22-2011, 05:24 PM
Because that is the only way you fall asleep at night.
Why do people wear clothes?
Sprelious
08-22-2011, 05:25 PM
Force of habit
Why do people hate so much?
ness2361
08-22-2011, 05:29 PM
We misread the word and think it reads ate.
What does Zzzzzzzzzz stand for?
Sprelious
08-22-2011, 05:33 PM
That's the sound a chainsaw makes.
Are you happy now?
ness2361
08-22-2011, 05:37 PM
I'm furious with you, Schmuck-Man.:stare:
How come friends are so great to have around?
Sprelious
08-22-2011, 05:45 PM
Because eventually they take a hint or two or 47
Why hint when a baseball bat is so much more effective?
ness2361
08-22-2011, 05:47 PM
Because talking like a baseball bat on this Forum will get you to Veteran status so fast it'll make you dizzy.
Did Bob Ross have Happy Accidents in his pants, not just on his palette?
Sprelious
08-22-2011, 05:49 PM
I can't answer that on the grounds that it may incriminate me.
Is there a here over there?
ness2361
08-22-2011, 05:51 PM
No, it went the way of gone.
What comes after Sunday once Monday quits his job?
Sprelious
08-22-2011, 05:54 PM
December 21st 2012
Why do gloworms glow?
ness2361
08-22-2011, 05:56 PM
They just had sex.
Will city chicken ever make a comeback in the country?
Sprelious
08-22-2011, 06:00 PM
Everything makes a comeback, even chickens.
What's the greatest song of all time?
ness2361
08-22-2011, 06:09 PM
Itsy Bitsy Teeny Weeny Yellow Polka Dot Bikini.
Did you pluck your nose hairs today?
thebrainpolice
08-22-2011, 06:13 PM
Nope, it looks like I have a bush growing out of my nose.
Why do people think nose hair is disgusting?
Sprelious
08-22-2011, 06:16 PM
I think it's what's in the nose hairs, not the nose hairs themselves.
Is the greatest song of all time actually an Andrews Sister's tune?
No, its Whitney Houston's greatest love of all - Bobby Brown.
Why do some people like country music?
ness2361
08-22-2011, 07:20 PM
Because love is the opposite of indifference and city music leaves 'em stoic.
Do you keep your false teeth in a glass or a mug?
Bobsama
08-23-2011, 04:55 AM
In my mouth of course. I can't risk contamination!
Do you spit or swallow when you choke?
Sprelious
08-23-2011, 10:45 AM
I prefer to swallow. Others can speak for themselves.
What's the next number in this sequence?
ness2361
08-23-2011, 12:20 PM
Batman 54 (I saw the trailer; you would not believe the whacky sexual shit they do in the Cave.)
Conservative, Liberal, or Other?
thebrainpolice
08-23-2011, 05:50 PM
This whole forum is Liberal (from the waist down).
Why are there so many ads for boner pills on TV?
ness2361
08-23-2011, 07:12 PM
Because of all the dog-sitters watching the boob-tube.
Who told Chicken Little to look up at the sky?
Sprelious
08-23-2011, 07:38 PM
The movie crew waiting to film the hulabaloo.
Who came in first?
ness2361
08-23-2011, 07:42 PM
No, What did, and you know it, so you're a sports-comedy-skit show-off.
Will we ever have a female President?
Sprelious
08-23-2011, 10:40 PM
Obama doesn't have any balls, so I think we already do.
Why is Obama ballless?
venuspop
08-23-2011, 10:41 PM
I haven't actually checked so ... ;D
If he doesn't have any balls, what then does he have?
Sprelious
08-23-2011, 10:46 PM
Exactly
Is the president even relevant anymore?
venuspop
08-23-2011, 10:50 PM
Nothing is relevant anymore ... except Death and Taxes.
Do you think the President had to pay any taxes?
Sprelious
08-23-2011, 10:53 PM
Had to no. He did to prove a point. Aint
Workin'
Will we ever have a system that serves the majority?
venuspop
08-23-2011, 11:18 PM
Never! It's you and me against the world.
Is there a controversy to keep us in the dark about almost everything that's happening out there?
~~~ *points towards the sky* ~~~
Sprelious
08-24-2011, 02:09 AM
The world is controlled by a self appointed rich folk who are intent on sucking all the money into there grubby little paws. Nothing is sacred and we are all but pawns in their sinister plans. It serves no purpose for humanity and yet we can't get enough.
Can we really be this stupid?
venuspop
08-24-2011, 05:22 AM
Stupid is as stupid does.
What determines a person's mood swing?
Sprelious
08-24-2011, 08:28 AM
Their construction.
What determines left and right?
gracious
08-24-2011, 09:19 AM
Your orientation.
Where can I find a magic genie to grant me 3 wishes?
nelsonm360
08-24-2011, 09:23 AM
bin laden's lamp
where is dharavi's '13th compound' located?
gracious
08-24-2011, 09:26 AM
Take a left at number 10 and then it's straight past 12.
Should I be superstitious about the number 13?
nelsonm360
08-24-2011, 09:41 AM
yes you should cause i am.
how many politicians does it takes to change a light bulb?
gracious
08-24-2011, 09:46 AM
Sorry. Light bulb funding was cut this year so you will have to change it yourself. Enjoy the mood lighting.
Why is this bamboo plant in my office dying and can I do anything to bring it back?
Sprelious
08-24-2011, 11:12 AM
No. Just feed it to a panda.
Why don't panda's intestines get shreaded eating all that bamboo?
gracious
08-24-2011, 01:55 PM
Pandas actually went extinct years ago for that very reason. The ones we see today are actually robots and their stomachs are evacuated via a trap door.
Why are flamingos so abundant when their camouflage is so bad?
ness2361
08-24-2011, 02:33 PM
Those aren't flamingos, they're security lighting so they work just great: see burglar stats, if you don't believe me.
If I eat insects accidentally, am I still a vegan vegetarian?
momorawr
08-24-2011, 02:36 PM
Some on will clone Michael Jackson on exactly 8/24/2022.
What are you afraid of?
thebrainpolice
08-24-2011, 03:32 PM
Werewolves.
What should I do to protect myself from them?
Sprelious
08-24-2011, 04:09 PM
Lots of garlic. Really it works. Keep it in your pockets. Wear it around you're neck. You should start right away and never take it off.
Why doesn't TBP have any friends?
thebrainpolice
08-24-2011, 04:14 PM
Everyone is jealous of my awesomeness.
Why are people so jealous?
ness2361
08-24-2011, 05:21 PM
It's your widow's peak: gonna be trending soon and we want in on it before it does: same with other details about other persons: we just know they got something we're 'going to want' but someone else will already have it.
What is the Milky Way made of?
Acne puss.
Why are most women sexually attracted to Stephen Hawking?
Sprelious
08-24-2011, 07:41 PM
Smart is sexy.
Why are most men attracted to most women?
ness2361
08-24-2011, 07:45 PM
I thought this was the WRONG answer game: smart IS sexy. (Mumbles to herself: I'm sexy, I am, really, I am...)
Most men are not attracted to women; they are attracted to themselves as imagined through the eyes of... wait, I'm doing it, too:
OK, most men are attracted to most women because women make more money than most men and the men do what has to be done to get that money so they can buy presents for each other.
Phew...
Is Cremora a dairy product?
silvercrystal07
08-24-2011, 07:49 PM
No, it's actually lotion for cows.
Why is a tomato considered a fruit?
ness2361
08-24-2011, 07:52 PM
Because it kept tickling the other vegetables who are very serious creatures.
I understand why there are canine teeth (I think...) but why molars: what's THAT about?
Sprelious
08-24-2011, 07:53 PM
Psycological issues.
Why are fruit loops considered appropriate breakfast food?
ness2361
08-24-2011, 07:58 PM
Because Life is a circle game, DUH.
How come head cheese isn't called smegma?
Sprelious
08-24-2011, 08:05 PM
That's what I call it.
Why do we eat things named head anything?
To get brain.
Why don't introverts overthrow the dominant societal ideal paradigm of extroversion?
venuspop
08-24-2011, 09:52 PM
Too shy.
Why are you wired up?
ness2361
08-24-2011, 09:54 PM
to tap into the Forum's Group Thoughts and take it over?
Sprelious
08-24-2011, 10:06 PM
If a member was from say Canada, just EXACTLY how many square miles would that encompass?
ness2361
08-24-2011, 10:12 PM
Fewer than two: it rhymes, that's why.
Did O.J. really do it?
venuspop
08-24-2011, 10:13 PM
Enough to need a GPS to navigate.
Why did Steve Jobs quit?
ness2361
08-24-2011, 10:21 PM
To devote all his time to Charity.
Who writes all the 'found' poetry?
Distance
08-24-2011, 10:28 PM
It's the guy on the beach with a metal detector.
If you drink some bleach, eat your dirty laundry and use a hoola-hoop, will you end up with clean laundry?
Sprelious
08-24-2011, 10:34 PM
I have no idea, but I'll bet there's a YouTube video we could watch and find out.
If you walk due west from the east how long does it take to get to the north pole?
ness2361
08-24-2011, 10:40 PM
As long as it takes to click your heels twice and say There's No Place Like Home.
If I drink a beer every 15 minutes and don't leave the house, am I still over the legal limit?
Sprelious
08-24-2011, 11:23 PM
Nope. The legal limit only applies to pedestrians and circus performers.
If I throw my right shoe 10 feet, how many feet do I have left?
GenessorDios
08-24-2011, 11:29 PM
Judging by the odor, I'd say seventeen.
Whose dim idea was it to let people have free air?
Sprelious
08-24-2011, 11:36 PM
The Free Air Fairy. It's a union thing.
Who invented lingerie?
ness2361
08-25-2011, 12:01 AM
A woman with holes in her clothing and a whole lot of false pride but very little modesty, false or otherwise.
Did a person named Brassiere or Brazier invent the bra...?
Sprelious
08-25-2011, 12:27 AM
The bra was invented by Titty Secure. You can be sure he was obscure.
What else did he invent?
ness2361
08-25-2011, 12:33 AM
Minus Penises - a gift idea for uptight parents who want anatomically correct male dolls that don't unnecessarily frighten their daughters.
Who invented dil-does?
Sprelious
08-25-2011, 12:39 AM
Million of different women over the millennia, but wouldn't you know a guy got credit for it.
How big was the largest dildo ever manufactured and who used it?
ness2361
08-25-2011, 12:41 AM
You know it was the height of the Twin Towers, hot pink, carted to Rigley Field in a stretch pink limo for a Mary Kay cosmetic convention to end all Mary Kay cosmetic conventions, only it didn't.
venuspop
08-25-2011, 01:36 AM
Because you didn't ask a question.
Does comet elenin had anything to do with the recent earthquake and typhoon?
Sprelious
08-25-2011, 02:36 AM
It's just a comet. It'll clean the sink, but that's about it.
Is there a connection between natural disasters and Wall Street?
venuspop
08-25-2011, 02:57 AM
Should be. People in both areas are still talking on the cell phone.
Have you ever experienced an earthquake?
GenessorDios
08-25-2011, 04:48 AM
Yeah, that time I punched god in the face and he retaliated by stomping his foot. The bozo missed me even with that 200 foot foot of his :laugh: what a douche.
How much xp do I need to upgrade to a runny-talkie?
Sprelious
08-25-2011, 09:08 AM
You don't use XP for that purpose. Runny talkies are updated with outdated dates and figs.
gracious
08-25-2011, 09:20 AM
Because it is the will of God (in the absence of a documented question).
What does XP stand for?
Sprelious
08-25-2011, 11:24 AM
Xylophone propaganda. Someone has to advocate for them.
Did I forget to ask a question? Is it the will of God?
ness2361
08-25-2011, 03:06 PM
Of course it is: HE controls everything, everyone, blahblahblah.
Who coined the phrase, Hate IS a Family Value?
GenessorDios
08-25-2011, 03:22 PM
You did, mom. Right after dad left, remember?
What did the ozone molecule say to the chlorine radical?
ness2361
08-25-2011, 03:49 PM
The sky is falling and it's all YOUR fault!
If I put aluminum foil on my windows will my office be cooler?
GenessorDios
08-25-2011, 03:59 PM
See you later, propagator :laugh:
....
Anyone? Chemistry fans?
:stare:
Screw you guys, I'm going home.
No, they're wise to that now and will switch to a different frequency to continue bombarding you with heat waves.
What's the point of asking what's the point?
ness2361
08-25-2011, 05:09 PM
Mental masturbation.
Oh, that's true; Ness tries again:
So Who will join in and someone will get to second base.
Is super glue superior to great glue?
thebrainpolice
08-25-2011, 05:40 PM
Yes, but its still not as good as awesome glue.
Who will win the Republican primary?
Ralph Nader.
What are your toes for?
thebrainpolice
08-25-2011, 06:12 PM
They're really just foot fingers. You can pick things up with them so you don't have to bend over.
If I want to create a popular thread on INTJf what should I put in the opening post?
Not Richard, but Dick.
How are comedy shows funny?
ness2361
08-25-2011, 06:57 PM
^^ Studies on masturbation show...
^Slapstick works especially well with the blind but otherwise, I've no clue.
If you fall through the ice in the dark, what is the first safe thing you should do?
Sprelious
08-25-2011, 07:44 PM
Think like a duck.
Is the enema an effective tool in fighting acne?
venuspop
08-25-2011, 10:04 PM
Constipation causes acne according to recent research by Dr Zachary Smith.
Is he still Lost In Space?
ness2361
08-26-2011, 12:14 AM
There is no space as such: only Freedom, which is relative.
If I poke out my eye with a stick will the other eye sue me for pain and suffering?
Sprelious
08-26-2011, 12:18 AM
In a strange twist,for a litigious society like ours, the eyes don't have it. It being the right to sue.
Does the Doppler effect have any?
ness2361
08-26-2011, 12:21 AM
No, just affect so when they ran it up my legs I got chills.
Do you go Commando when the laundry is late and your underthings are in the hamper?
Sprelious
08-26-2011, 12:27 AM
Nope, i just don't go.
Have we ever seen a thread we wouldn't completely corrupt for out own devices?
momorawr
08-26-2011, 12:22 PM
The prime number thread.
Why's aspartame bad for you?
gracious
08-26-2011, 12:28 PM
Because I am asparfrisky.
What would be a good way to fake my death?
Become a rock star.
How did Amy Winehouse die?
momorawr
08-26-2011, 03:53 PM
Semen overdose.
Where does bloating come from?
Baby overdose.
Where does population control come from?
ness2361
08-26-2011, 04:11 PM
Coca-Cola Corporation.
If I have a sty and act like a pig, what am I called?
Rich.
What's so weak about the weekend?
ness2361
08-26-2011, 04:19 PM
The end part.
Do good fathers go further or farther in life?
Synapse
08-26-2011, 07:25 PM
No, because they will invariably slow down to pick up their strays.
How does one count?
venuspop
08-26-2011, 07:32 PM
One count and one countess is equal to two clowns.
How many clowns does it take to take the town?
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