View Full Version : I'm So Bored; Please Amuse Me - The Wrong Answer Game
05-26-2011, 02:48 AM
only if you....
that depends on your....
well actually, sometimes there are....
why do they send directions for assembly?
05-26-2011, 03:15 AM
No, it makes you a yappy hag.
Because snakes can't work without full guidance.
Why can't you be more bilious?
05-26-2011, 03:34 AM
it's not me, it is your diet.
what is this sticky residue on my monitor?
Dried computer sweat.
Why don't people get their house windows according to their eyeglasses prescription?
05-26-2011, 04:39 AM
They'd rather not have to see their neighbors.
Who killed the electric car?
05-26-2011, 05:19 AM
Not who, but what. It was the solar tyres. I did tell them it wouldn't work.
Are there any more Mohicans in Canada?
05-26-2011, 08:11 AM
No, but there are lots of red maple people.
Why are your eyes completely black?
05-26-2011, 11:18 AM
Ummm... those are called sunglasses.
What is the source of molasses?
05-26-2011, 01:14 PM
The orifice of a mole, naturally.
When is the world going to end?
05-26-2011, 02:40 PM
It already did. Apparently you didn't get the memo.
Is it true that one should never go against a Sicilian when death is on the line?
05-26-2011, 04:11 PM
Absolutely. The few that have managed to survive all the volcanic eruptions and mafia hits are quite tough.
What is the best way to get to Paris from London?
05-26-2011, 04:37 PM
Via camel driven caravan with a stop over in Mexico City.
How many licks does it take to get to the center of a Tootsie Pop?
05-26-2011, 04:47 PM
Just one, if your tongue's made of titanium.
How do you do a backflip?
05-26-2011, 04:52 PM
The same as a regular flip, but with more back.
Can woodchucks even chuck wood?
05-26-2011, 04:56 PM
Yes, but it causes serious indigestion.
Why are French fries French?
05-26-2011, 05:14 PM
Because of a very stringent potato licensing agreement.
Of what benefit is it to be wealthy?
05-26-2011, 05:37 PM
Rubbing cash on your face is good for the complexion.
How does boxing work?
05-26-2011, 05:47 PM
Put your left arm in, put your left arm out. Put your right arm in and shake it all about.
Is the hokey pokey really what it's all about?
05-26-2011, 05:49 PM
No, it's more about acquiring spice. Just look out for the worms.
Why do the birds head south in the winter?
05-26-2011, 06:07 PM
Well, several evolutionary eras ago, they headed east and all drowned in the ocean.
Why can't romantic love be easier?
05-26-2011, 08:43 PM
the effects of intoxication doesn't last.
can you possibly love a hideous ogress?
05-26-2011, 10:04 PM
Yes, and she'd prefer it if you called her mom.
Why do people hike?
05-26-2011, 10:14 PM
Because they're always told to "take a hike".
What's a price war?
05-26-2011, 10:18 PM
It's when people fight over a prize whore.
Hey, who's got juice?
05-26-2011, 10:23 PM
Told you before but I'll tell you again. Take a number and wait in line.
Why's the whore pricey? It's not inflation, is it?
05-27-2011, 03:08 AM
no, inflate a whore ® ™ is actually quite reasonably priced
for their catalog-
why do people smoke cigarettes?
05-27-2011, 03:55 AM
To overpower the scent of sex.
Who invented hats with propeller?
05-27-2011, 04:00 AM
How far would the average person walk to meet their true love?
05-27-2011, 04:37 AM
all the way to an encriptic internet connection
when humans reach the next evolutionary plateau, what will be different?
05-27-2011, 04:39 AM
No body odor.
If I crack open my television set, what will I find inside?
05-27-2011, 04:43 AM
an embryo sucking on digital yolk
should i add a door to my office cube?
05-27-2011, 04:47 AM
Yes. Go with a revolving door, it shows you have class.
Why is there violence in the world?
05-27-2011, 04:51 AM
because some folk just need to die.
what is the difference between paper mache and tapioca?
05-27-2011, 04:52 AM
Paper mache tastes better.
Why do we have windows?
05-27-2011, 05:33 AM
If we didn't, we'd sound like idiots going around saying The eyes are the tapioca to the soul.
What's the fourteenth rule of camera usage?
05-27-2011, 05:36 AM
It's all fun and games until somebody loses an eye.
What's the best time to collect worms?
05-27-2011, 05:41 AM
The best time is to wait until you're dead and buried, then they'll all come to you. You just have to perform an autonecromancy spell to revive yourself.
Why doesn't anyone sell pus juice drinks?
05-27-2011, 05:43 AM
Because it's difficult to harvest.
What's Teddy Dreams?
05-27-2011, 05:57 AM
What does it matter?
Why do you care?
05-27-2011, 05:59 AM
Because I know what it is and YOU don't! ~~~ *taunts GD*
You don't, do you?
05-27-2011, 06:08 AM
No. Taunt me all you want, all that will happen is that I'll break down and cry.
Wait, is that what you want?
05-27-2011, 07:39 AM
no... not at all.
why is it called break dancing?
05-27-2011, 10:10 AM
Because it involves the breaking of the viewers will in order for them to have any sort of an audience.
Why are doves associated with piece in the western world?
05-27-2011, 12:31 PM
They fuck so much, they're the inspiration for the slogan make love, not war.
Where do pigeons buy condoms?
05-27-2011, 03:50 PM
all pigeons are sterile and have no need for condoms
why must i have a photo ID ?
05-27-2011, 04:38 PM
Because we want to control your every move, and the subcutaneous tracking tags have not been perfected yet.
Why does an ice cream sundae come with a cherry on top?
05-27-2011, 05:50 PM
because live baby seals are unwieldy.
how bad could it be?
As good as Michael Jackson.
What happened to Weird Al Yankovic?
05-27-2011, 09:04 PM
He's not weird anymore.
Weird, isn't it?
05-28-2011, 07:17 PM
That's a common mistake but technically "it" is a pronoun
Why does Johnny Depp waste his talent by playing Jack Sparrow in Pirates franchise?
05-28-2011, 07:51 PM
cause he hates the monkey duh :dunce:
who is the richest person in the world
A member of the Rothchild family.
Where's the capital of capitalism?
05-29-2011, 08:09 AM
most folk are so misinformed about it, the fail to capitalize the word at all
does my stuff belong to you?
05-29-2011, 08:52 AM
It said it has free will and will do whatever it wants to.
Do you like potatoes?
Only if they're fried French style.
What's inside your stomach now?
05-29-2011, 08:40 PM
Ten seconds' worth.
What's the difference between chlorophyll and chloroform?
05-30-2011, 01:24 AM
One "fills" the other's "form".
Are all batteries alkaline?
05-30-2011, 06:48 AM
yes. well not quite. maybe. i'm not sure. no. yes. well not quite. maybe. i'm not sure. no. yes. well not quite. maybe. i'm not sure. no. yes. well not quite. maybe. i'm not sure. no. yes. well not quite. maybe. i'm not sure. no. yes. well not quite. maybe. i'm not sure. no. yes. well not quite. maybe. i'm not sure. no. yes. well not quite. maybe. i'm not sure. no.
is indecision a problem?
Not if you like confusion.
Can I have a dollar?
05-30-2011, 03:55 PM
only if they let me keep one to give away.
why does caffeine make me hyper?
05-30-2011, 04:30 PM
Because you have an unusual metabolism.
Why do we keep making pennies when they're worth so little?
05-30-2011, 04:47 PM
because superstitious people still need encouragement
why do child actors turn out so terribly?
'cause all parents suck.
Why did my parents suck?
05-30-2011, 05:19 PM
lack of usable teeth. those in the jar don't count.
why does a body begin to fall apart at 40?
05-30-2011, 05:24 PM
That's when the manufacturer's warranty terminates.
Why do people always smile in pictures?
05-30-2011, 07:55 PM
05-30-2011, 10:21 PM
Yes, you may.
Where shall I sit?
05-31-2011, 01:17 AM
Can't sit without a butt.
Why don't you have a butt?
05-31-2011, 02:08 AM
What need is there for one when all my excrement is recycled into speech sound waves and breath vapor?
Who would mind if this mind mine was mine?
05-31-2011, 04:30 AM
My mind would mind. My mind is mine to mind.
Why don't they have three-dollar bills?
05-31-2011, 05:13 AM
They have them, but they are selfish bastards and won't give them to anyone else. Fuck they!
What's a common elephant's last name?
05-31-2011, 05:42 AM
do you (already)have an answer you are wanting to insert here?
05-31-2011, 06:15 AM
You lazy bastard.
Is it too much to ask for a little effort?
05-31-2011, 06:20 AM
from a pness?
05-31-2011, 07:18 AM
Curse you and your rulefloutingness. Should I answer? Should I not? Where's my anti-solipsis cream?
05-31-2011, 07:45 AM
on your hemorrhoids?
05-31-2011, 08:43 AM
I guess if you want to be anally technical about it (and god knows you like being anal), a question can be considered a wrong answer. So you've wronganswered on two levels. I keep my hemmorhoids with my cream, not the other way around.
Is time travel the same as walking many rounds around the north pole clockwise quickly?
05-31-2011, 10:17 AM
That's just time speeding. Time travelling is when you cross the International Date Line.
What are family values?
05-31-2011, 10:40 AM
The estimated amount you can get for your parents & siblings in case you have to conduct an emergency auction.
Where does the tunnel lead?
05-31-2011, 01:34 PM
Into a trash compactor.
What is the origin of the "high five"?
05-31-2011, 05:32 PM
It was originally a teambuilding exercise back in 1964 where two partners had to cooperatively kill a mosquito.
What's the worst that could happen?
05-31-2011, 05:35 PM
Why is it that every time I'm about to post a very clever answer/question set to this thread the question I'm responding to get's answered by someone else?
05-31-2011, 05:39 PM
Because we're all out to get you.
Why do steaks taste better as they age?
05-31-2011, 05:43 PM
They get lazy in their old age whereby building up a tasty layer of fat.
Why can't one build a vessel to drill to the other side of the Earth?
05-31-2011, 06:32 PM
It gets confiscated at customs after passing through the core.
Why can't we all just get along?
05-31-2011, 07:14 PM
Because mothers-in-law are such an abomination.
Do you have one?
05-31-2011, 08:37 PM
I have one, three, seven and eleven. All the important primes are with me.
What are they worth to you?
05-31-2011, 11:45 PM
About twenty-two, using my fingers.
With only six fingers, how do you count?
06-01-2011, 01:18 AM
Six fingers per finger isn't enough?
Why is my right pointer finger trying to seduce my left pointer finger?
06-01-2011, 01:38 AM
Because your left hand doesn't know what your right hand is doing.
Of what use is a deep pocket?
06-01-2011, 02:36 AM
* to store an emergency inflatable rubber life raft
* a place to hide in the event you are attacked by a rabbit
* you can keep that CB radio close in case you ever wanna talk to truckers again
* deep pockets are great for storing those collapsible extension ladders
why do people use pea gravel as roofing material?
Taste of peat
06-01-2011, 03:58 AM
Because they want their roof to look like a tennis court.
Why do some girls behave like princesses, while it is obvious they're not ?
06-01-2011, 04:39 AM
Because they watched Cinderella a few too many times.
What will cause the end of civilization?
06-01-2011, 04:42 AM
they act like sluts 364 days a year, and the one day they wanna be a princess, you pick that one to criticize?
the death of sid meier
why am i the one who has to make the coffee at work?
06-01-2011, 05:03 AM
Did you expect the job of a coffee bitch to be data entry? No, now make me my coffee, bitch.
Does Beta Centauri have an inferiority complex?
06-01-2011, 05:13 AM
Well beta centuari is actually a scientific forumla to measure water based chemicals to the human metabolism, one such following being that bleach is drinkable with the concept of: Human is mostly water and bleach is mostly water; therefore we are bleach.
Why cant ants passover pen lines?
06-01-2011, 05:20 AM
Ink isn't kosher.
Can ants dance sans pants?
06-01-2011, 05:46 AM
They're willing to...but they can't find good pants to fit their pelvis in.
When do you think Lady Gaga will stop showing her skin?
06-01-2011, 06:32 AM
The zombification process is almost complete. Once the skin has fully dropped off, she will begin showing off all her flesh, so you can rest easy with your skinophobia.
Where is Cameroon?
06-01-2011, 10:17 AM
You can find cameroons in your local candy shop.
What will happen when we run out of oil?
06-01-2011, 12:17 PM
We will begin extracting oil from the blubber from the über obese. Large trucks will begin prowling cities and towns of the mid-western US looking to harpoon these land whales.
What will happen when computers are able to program themselves?
06-01-2011, 12:32 PM
We won't need Nestle to manufacture Hot Pockets anymore.
How many INFJs does it take to fix a computer?
06-01-2011, 03:47 PM
Ten; one to fix the computer, and nine to provide moral support.
Can someone explain to me why people eat beef jerky?
06-01-2011, 04:08 PM
Beef jerky was originally created to boost male virility, hence the name.
Spam and cat food. Are they one and the same?
06-01-2011, 04:28 PM
They'd better be or I have some apologizing to do.
How many thumbtacks would it take to circumnavigate the Earth if they were stuck into the ground/sea-bed side-by-side around the equator with no space in between? Please take into account changes in elevation.
06-01-2011, 04:39 PM
about a hundred.
is my roman coin dated 60BC genuine?
06-01-2011, 04:53 PM
No, it's a fake since BC is the acronym for BeforeCoins.
Why can't cars run on water since there's hydrogen in the molecular structure?
Taste of peat
06-01-2011, 06:07 PM
Because cars are alcoholics. They physically hate water.
Why is dating complicated ?
06-01-2011, 06:50 PM
Because the Mayan, Chinese and Western calendars are inconsistent.
If a tree falls in the woods, does anybody care?
06-01-2011, 08:30 PM
Cameroon? Cradle of metallic forefathers? It became an island for scraps and is now located off Japan. Err... they didn't want to be associated with their former neighbours... if you must know.
Yes, the ants. It'll ruin their infrastructure.
How did the Ten Tribes got lost?
06-01-2011, 08:35 PM
GPS failure and with men leading, no one asked for directions since they just KNEW where they were going.
What is plexiglass?
06-01-2011, 08:46 PM
Just like normal glass except for very tiny hinges giving it enormous flexibility.
How do CCD cameras work?
06-01-2011, 08:49 PM
They need to put food on their table.
Don't we all?
06-01-2011, 09:39 PM
Yes I think we abbro our sentys overmuchlike.
What happened to the thirteenth tribe?
06-01-2011, 11:14 PM
They evolved into metallic robots with six fingers and three rows of teeth and what was worse was that .... Oh Wait!
Where have I seen what I've just described?
06-02-2011, 12:05 AM
Didn't it inexplicably enter your mind while you were fantasizing?
Well, didn't it?
06-02-2011, 03:15 AM
Surely I can't be THAT bored!
Now where did I see what I described two posts ago?
06-02-2011, 04:22 AM
On the Simpsons, I believe.
Is the world going to end in 2012?
06-02-2011, 09:38 AM
Yup. Don't worry, the next season's scheduled to start somewhere around 2074, then we'll finally know what happens with the moon's pregnancy. Will she keep it? Will she abort that asteroid? Ah, compelling stuff.
Does mayonnaise counter melancholy?
06-02-2011, 09:46 AM
No, but it does counter malaise.
Why is the earth round?
06-02-2011, 10:45 AM
we've asked her to leave, but she hasn't taken the hint.
why do tailors measure my inseam over and over an over?
06-02-2011, 10:50 AM
Just to make sure.
What is the meaning of life?
06-02-2011, 11:02 AM
Green apple schnapps
Does anyone actually like eggplant?
06-02-2011, 11:17 AM
the chickenplants are very protective of them
do I make you nervous?
06-02-2011, 11:56 AM
It's not you. It's the foil hat. It makes me wonder that perhaps there might be something to all those conspiracy theories after all.
Without touching it what's the easiest/best way to tell if the potato is fully cooked?
06-02-2011, 12:02 PM
A fully cooked potato turns black so it's easy to tell.
Do you enjoy Christopher Nolan movies?
06-02-2011, 12:30 PM
No, but I know about his brother Hubert de Nolan who starred in Sinking Island (game).
Why are ENTPs using majestic and dark avatars such as the one that my previous poster has?
06-02-2011, 03:04 PM
Because they're actually INFJs posing as ENTPs.
Is there really a need for "double-stuffed" Oreo cookies?
06-02-2011, 03:31 PM
You would deny the cookie fetishists their one true desire?
Fine, it's only me, so what? You got a problem with me fucking cookies?!
06-02-2011, 03:47 PM
confucious say, he who make love in pastry get ass in jam.
what is the secret of fiber optic?
06-02-2011, 03:51 PM
Why do I have the thought "rule 34" running through my head?
06-02-2011, 04:21 PM
Because you've spent far too much time reading the civil code.
What happens when you rub two pennies together?
06-02-2011, 04:24 PM
They become lovers.
What do you get when you cross an aardvark with a tarantula?
06-02-2011, 04:24 PM
They become very opinionated.
The aardvark, being a staunch pacifist, will refrain from getting mad at the two of you but that won't stop the tarantula (long known as the asshole of the arachnid family) from trying to push its buttons.
Why do people fear nocturnal equines?
06-02-2011, 04:41 PM
Because of their aggressive and reactionary labor union.
What is Doctor Who's real name?
06-02-2011, 04:48 PM
James Doctor, or to his friends, Jimmy Doc.
What are the ingredients of a knuckle sandwich?
06-02-2011, 05:06 PM
there is the eggplant variant served with a vinegrette aujus, and the asparagus variant served on rye with horseradish
what is a fractal?
06-02-2011, 05:12 PM
It's a flightless relative to the pterodactyl.
Why won't an anarchistic political system (?) work in real life?
06-02-2011, 05:57 PM
It's just so difficult to organize.
What killed the dinosaurs?
06-02-2011, 06:06 PM
How can I increase my energy?
06-02-2011, 07:02 PM
110v in the bathtub, once each week.
how can i be sure to lucid dream?
06-02-2011, 07:05 PM
Study quantum mechanics.
What does the term "nice" mean?
06-02-2011, 07:13 PM
It's a synonym for "horny".
When will the Cubs win the World Series?
06-02-2011, 07:37 PM
Never. The World Parallel, though, they have a shot at.
What alarm sounds the best?
06-02-2011, 07:43 PM
One that emulates the sound of a thousand crying infants.
Can you define "best"?
06-02-2011, 08:00 PM
Best left unsaid.
Why is the slothful sloth slothful?
06-02-2011, 08:04 PM
Because it wouldn't get a fourth job to pay it's child support obligations.
Why isn't Pluto considered a planet anymore?
06-02-2011, 08:09 PM
He was caught flirting with a comely comet.
What is black matter?
06-02-2011, 09:02 PM
The stagnation of rap music and the increasingly intolerable rampant misogyny and materialism.
What's oilier, oil or not oil?
06-02-2011, 09:05 PM
You're talking about the lube you're using for your working joints, aren't you?
Do you have any non-working joints?
06-02-2011, 11:39 PM
Come on, that happened ONE TIME! Must you keep bringing it up just because I couldn't? :(
How can some people be so mean?
06-03-2011, 01:33 AM
tony robbins is now into tae bo, and he is conducting national seminars for the promotion of aggression.
where do headaches come from?
06-03-2011, 04:22 AM
Who gave E-Coli to the Germans?
06-03-2011, 04:33 AM
The Jews - it's payback for the Holocaust
Why should I thank God that it's Friday?
06-03-2011, 04:38 AM
Well, you can thank me if you'd rather.
How long should you be wearing that cap?
06-03-2011, 04:42 AM
Until the aliens land.
What is a quince?
06-03-2011, 07:11 AM
It's the equivalent of a wince for a sentient, four eyed species which inhabits one of the planets of Gliese 581 g system.
How does one tell an underling that they suck without making them cry?
06-03-2011, 07:45 AM
You remind me of me at that age. Suck those tears up before I punch you in the gut, bitch.
Where's my lava lamp?
06-03-2011, 07:53 AM
In the volcano.
If the police call you a "person of interest" does that automatically make you interesting?
06-03-2011, 08:17 AM
No, it requires four to six weeks of government bureaucracy before you are officially declared so, then another month for the name cards to be printed.
What inspires someone to greater heights?
06-03-2011, 08:36 AM
To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 15 or greater. You currently have 0 posts. ndals%20MB015.jpg
Why are shoes so damn expensive?
06-03-2011, 08:48 AM
Because of the high turn over rate in the production department. It seems the workers keep getting high on the glue and need to go into rehab after only a few days.
Who would want to wear something like that anyway?
06-03-2011, 09:49 AM
What do you mean? I think those are a lovely pair of earrings.
Anyone up for a quick lick?
06-03-2011, 10:09 AM
Not really, I'm contagious.
Why do so many teens like skateboarding?
06-03-2011, 10:58 AM
It gives them an excuse to visit the emergency room
Why do people buy overpriced coffee at Starbucks?
06-03-2011, 12:41 PM
To avoid the worms that are so often present in cheaper coffees.
What's better, an enema or a poke in the eye?
Taste of peat
06-03-2011, 06:31 PM
Enema. Having a medecinal device in the butt is much more funny than a vulgar poke in the eye.
Would it be interesting to eat cats ?
06-03-2011, 06:57 PM
No, Chinese food bores me to tears.
Why do paper cuts hurt so much?
06-03-2011, 11:07 PM
Too much Linkin Park will do that to you.
Can I be of service?
06-03-2011, 11:19 PM
OK, you're a service.
Can a Leo and an Aries ever truly be happy in a relationship?
06-03-2011, 11:19 PM
Too much Linkin Park will do that to you.
Can I be of service?
Let's see. What are you good at?
Can a Leo and an Aries ever truly be happy in a relationship?
only when they're not in love
Can you blink?
06-03-2011, 11:32 PM
Yes, but only with a jackhammer.
What is the square root of negative orange?
06-03-2011, 11:34 PM
Negative oranges have positively tubular roots.
Do you have a face?
06-03-2011, 11:39 PM
Yes, but it's flattened from being sat on all day.
Would you like to see it?
06-03-2011, 11:40 PM
*puffs on cigar*
06-03-2011, 11:43 PM
Would you really like to know or you just wasting my time?
06-03-2011, 11:44 PM
Don't you have lots of time to waste anyway?
So, what was it you wanted to show us?
06-03-2011, 11:54 PM
Why are you so eager?
06-03-2011, 11:56 PM
because i have a healthy appetite?
Are you hungry?
06-03-2011, 11:58 PM
Are you going to cook me something?
06-04-2011, 12:33 AM
Will a plate of fried ants appeal?
Why is the horizon so far away?
06-04-2011, 01:08 AM
It's necessary to hide the Langoliers.
Why is it so hard to find something good to watch on TV late at night?
06-04-2011, 01:17 AM
TVs need to sleep too, you know?
What happens if the Langoliers return?
06-04-2011, 01:23 AM
Food get stale, watches stop, and planes won't fly.
What is the point?
06-04-2011, 01:39 AM
A point is the smallest unit of measure.
Do you know any turkeys?
06-04-2011, 01:47 AM
I've known many turkeys. Generally not very good conversationalists, but they were all delicious.
Why is it called a "cocktail"?
06-04-2011, 01:48 AM
Because it tasted like one. ;D
Are there any turkeys in Turkey?
06-04-2011, 02:01 AM
Not any more. They were all removed at the end of the 19th century because the Sultan thought their vocalizations vulgar and an affront to Islam.
Why am I still awake?
06-04-2011, 02:33 AM
Because you just love to stare into my dreamy black eyes. ;)
Don't I look cute and cuddly?
06-04-2011, 06:12 AM
Yes, I is pretty cute, but I've always had a soft spot for Q.
What's the worst letter?
06-04-2011, 10:47 AM
The letter from the IRS informing me of an audit.
How does one go about successfully bribing an IRS agent?
06-04-2011, 01:39 PM
Give him cookies.
Why can't powdered milk be pink?
06-04-2011, 02:17 PM
Give him cookies.
Why can't powdered milk be pink?
Powdered milk can`t be pink because it was given a choice at the powdering point to choose an irrevocable colour - it hasn`t got much money and so believes it cannot be pink because it can`t afford the lawyer bills for arguing about the contract being an illegal gun to head demand.
Why is left right?
06-04-2011, 02:26 PM
iron sulfide is the most common pinkening agent, and it occurs naturally in a paste form. when it is used to color the milk, it too is powdered. (so far we're ok.) but after passing through two states already, when water is added and the ferrisulides become liquefied, microbial organisms ignite and corrupt the milk in under two hours. non pinked samples have a liquefied shelf life of 30 months non refrigerated, and indefinitely when chilled. there's just no good way to market 2 hour milk.
because turning left always points you southeast, and everyone knows the southeast is best.
are mermaids real?
06-04-2011, 07:19 PM
only when they cry
is it better to be lucky or smart?
06-05-2011, 01:20 PM
way better to be lucky. any degree of luck beats any degree of smart.
why can't i see the wind?
Why is sleep important?
06-05-2011, 04:33 PM
that is when the people from Aaron Rents sneak into you place, take all your stuff, and replace it with exact replicas.
what is an armoire?
06-05-2011, 06:50 PM
Where pasture-fed AK47s and other various mature weaponrey is slaughtered and sold off to BBQ restaurants and Republican Conventions
When is a spade not a spade?
06-05-2011, 07:01 PM
When it's a club
What is better than a poke in the eye?
06-05-2011, 09:58 PM
This was the most recent answer: Enema. Having a medecinal device in the butt is much more funny than a vulgar poke in the eye.
Seems like a reasonable answer to me. :p
What's better as a snack: popcorn or ice cream?
06-05-2011, 10:13 PM
I find that if you're in prison, it's better to have ice cream so your mouth will be numb when you have to inevitably Popcorn. Always.
Is it too much to ask for you to give an original answer, reasonableness notwithstanding?
06-05-2011, 10:17 PM
No, particularly when the answer being quoted is much more original than anything you can come up with!
Is there such a thing as popcorn ice cream?
06-05-2011, 10:23 PM
But of course. If it can be popped, it can be creamed.
Why does oats taste dastardly?
06-05-2011, 10:29 PM
Their constantly-sniggering dog always throws sea slugs in the mix.
Is love real?
06-05-2011, 10:32 PM
Only while the batteries lasted.
Can you blink?
06-05-2011, 10:45 PM
That's not important.
What's more important is, can you?
06-05-2011, 10:49 PM
That's not important.
What is important is which of you two would win in a staring contest?
06-05-2011, 10:52 PM
Staring contest is only good if I have a working mouse which isn't driving me up the wall!@!
What's wrong with this @#!$%X^& mouse?
06-05-2011, 10:56 PM
You would think the enemy of your enemy is your friend, but it turns out mice hate dogs just as much as cats.
Do you need a special license for wall driving?
06-05-2011, 11:00 PM
Yes, unless that wall's engine is less than 500cc and the wall weighs less than 250lbs.
Who really built the pyramids in Egypt?
06-06-2011, 03:00 AM
It was originally the Egyptians as people thought, but what most don't know is that they were destroyed by rains fifty years ago. The Egyptian government put up some painted cardboard paper as a joke but no one noticed so they left it. But still, Egyptians.
What happened to the Rhodesian Colossus?
06-06-2011, 05:12 AM
My blasted mouse clicked on it accidentally and made it disappear.
Are there any tears when you cry?
06-06-2011, 05:28 AM
yes, but i weep from my armpits.
what is a rutabaga?
06-06-2011, 05:34 AM
A rude bugger.
Can you be rude without being rude?
06-06-2011, 05:39 AM
while buggering? not likely.
what is in vegetable soup?
06-06-2011, 05:41 AM
I promised not to tell but what the heck! I'll break my rules just this once. What's in vegetable soup? Those squirmy protein packs that wriggles and jiggles.
Can you keep this secret?
06-06-2011, 07:17 AM
Is it heavy and/or moist?
06-06-2011, 09:10 AM
No. Secrets are never heavy or moist. They are always light, dry and boring.
What does it take to be a really great novelist?
06-06-2011, 09:52 AM
A drinking problem.
What is the best use of the internet?
06-06-2011, 10:37 AM
Porn, of course! The more obscure and bizarre the better.
Why do people insist on debating philosophy as if it mattered?
06-06-2011, 12:53 PM
Because stories about their cats grew tiresome.
For what does it actually take a village?
06-06-2011, 12:59 PM
Raising pet spiders. They are such helpless and needy little things.
What is the meaning of life, the universe and everything?
06-06-2011, 01:08 PM
to worship Allah (the one and only god).
who shot JFK?
06-06-2011, 04:21 PM
What are you going to do about it?
06-06-2011, 04:44 PM
Who are you going to do about it?
Hopefully a Kennedy girl after I shoot you and tell her.
Where can I find one of those?
06-06-2011, 05:37 PM
Try the nearest funeral home.
What would have happened if JFK not been assassinated?
06-06-2011, 05:43 PM
I guess I'd probably have to try seducing a Kennedy girl the normal way then.
Do you suppose they like magic tricks?
06-06-2011, 05:51 PM
Yes, I'm sure they'd be thrilled at your amazing disappearing penis trick. You should go hunt one down and show them the trick right away.
Do you think Jack Ruby was really acting alone?
06-06-2011, 06:10 PM
No, I heard he had an acting coach and a PA.
What's the best place to hide something?
06-06-2011, 06:56 PM
In the empty cavity of your skull. :p
Why doesn't human sexual arousal and mating practices more closely resemble that of our great-ape cousins?
06-06-2011, 07:53 PM
because they had fur coverings which tingles while we only have skin which doesn't.
does yours tingle?
No, mine are made of dead cells.
What's in your wallet?
06-06-2011, 08:18 PM
06-06-2011, 08:22 PM
Three mangoes and a partridge in a pear tree.
What are you smoking?
06-06-2011, 08:24 PM
How high are you?
06-06-2011, 08:24 PM
about up to there.
15 feet from the pavement.
Why can't you get a hotel room at Wal-Mart?
06-06-2011, 08:28 PM
I'm told I'm too short.
Are you tall enough?
I'm too high for their low prices.
What is Target the target of?
06-06-2011, 08:34 PM
A target is the target for targeting a target.
Have you become a target?
I've been three rings out of the bull's eye.
Who's your Big Brother watching you?
06-06-2011, 08:48 PM
I'm not allowed to speak his name.
Is he watching you too?
06-06-2011, 08:58 PM
I always feel like
Somebody's watching me
And I have no privacy
Oh oh oh
Who's watching me?
06-06-2011, 08:59 PM
I'm not allowed to speak his name too.
Are you underaged?
06-06-2011, 09:11 PM
No, after that surgery to remove all my anger molecules, I'd say I'm pretty deraged.
How many ways are there to fold paper?
06-06-2011, 09:32 PM
Technically, only one way. All the other ways are wrong!
Why's a bullseye called a bull's eye?
06-06-2011, 09:55 PM
They tried calling it a cowseye first, but the bovines were all up in arms on claims of moosogyny, so it was changed. Apparently no one cares about violent imagery concerning bulls.
Is contemplation useful?
06-06-2011, 10:12 PM
It is, only if it is used contemplatively.
How does one contemplate contemplatively?
vBulletin® v3.8.7, Copyright ©2000-2013, vBulletin Solutions, Inc.