View Full Version : I'm So Bored; Please Amuse Me - The Wrong Answer Game
reiven
05-26-2011, 02:48 AM
only if you....
that depends on your....
well actually, sometimes there are....
yes.
why do they send directions for assembly?
GenessorDios
05-26-2011, 03:15 AM
No, it makes you a yappy hag.
Because snakes can't work without full guidance.
Why can't you be more bilious?
reiven
05-26-2011, 03:34 AM
it's not me, it is your diet.
what is this sticky residue on my monitor?
Dried computer sweat.
Why don't people get their house windows according to their eyeglasses prescription?
IronSulfide
05-26-2011, 04:39 AM
They'd rather not have to see their neighbors.
Who killed the electric car?
venuspop
05-26-2011, 05:19 AM
Not who, but what. It was the solar tyres. I did tell them it wouldn't work.
Are there any more Mohicans in Canada?
Gerard91
05-26-2011, 08:11 AM
No, but there are lots of red maple people.
Why are your eyes completely black?
discontinuous
05-26-2011, 11:18 AM
Ummm... those are called sunglasses.
What is the source of molasses?
IronSulfide
05-26-2011, 01:14 PM
The orifice of a mole, naturally.
When is the world going to end?
DeepThought
05-26-2011, 02:40 PM
It already did. Apparently you didn't get the memo.
Is it true that one should never go against a Sicilian when death is on the line?
IronSulfide
05-26-2011, 04:11 PM
Absolutely. The few that have managed to survive all the volcanic eruptions and mafia hits are quite tough.
What is the best way to get to Paris from London?
DeepThought
05-26-2011, 04:37 PM
Via camel driven caravan with a stop over in Mexico City.
How many licks does it take to get to the center of a Tootsie Pop?
GenessorDios
05-26-2011, 04:47 PM
Just one, if your tongue's made of titanium.
How do you do a backflip?
DeepThought
05-26-2011, 04:52 PM
The same as a regular flip, but with more back.
Can woodchucks even chuck wood?
IronSulfide
05-26-2011, 04:56 PM
Yes, but it causes serious indigestion.
Why are French fries French?
DeepThought
05-26-2011, 05:14 PM
Because of a very stringent potato licensing agreement.
Of what benefit is it to be wealthy?
GenessorDios
05-26-2011, 05:37 PM
Rubbing cash on your face is good for the complexion.
How does boxing work?
datagirl
05-26-2011, 05:47 PM
Put your left arm in, put your left arm out. Put your right arm in and shake it all about.
Is the hokey pokey really what it's all about?
DeepThought
05-26-2011, 05:49 PM
No, it's more about acquiring spice. Just look out for the worms.
Why do the birds head south in the winter?
GettingBetter
05-26-2011, 06:07 PM
Well, several evolutionary eras ago, they headed east and all drowned in the ocean.
Why can't romantic love be easier?
venuspop
05-26-2011, 08:43 PM
the effects of intoxication doesn't last.
can you possibly love a hideous ogress?
GenessorDios
05-26-2011, 10:04 PM
Yes, and she'd prefer it if you called her mom.
Why do people hike?
venuspop
05-26-2011, 10:14 PM
Because they're always told to "take a hike".
What's a price war?
GenessorDios
05-26-2011, 10:18 PM
It's when people fight over a prize whore.
Hey, who's got juice?
venuspop
05-26-2011, 10:23 PM
Told you before but I'll tell you again. Take a number and wait in line.
Why's the whore pricey? It's not inflation, is it?
reiven
05-27-2011, 03:08 AM
no, inflate a whore ® ™ is actually quite reasonably priced
for their catalog-
inflateawhore.com
why do people smoke cigarettes?
Artio
05-27-2011, 03:55 AM
To overpower the scent of sex.
Who invented hats with propeller?
GenessorDios
05-27-2011, 04:00 AM
Doraemon, duh!
How far would the average person walk to meet their true love?
reiven
05-27-2011, 04:37 AM
all the way to an encriptic internet connection
when humans reach the next evolutionary plateau, what will be different?
IronSulfide
05-27-2011, 04:39 AM
No body odor.
If I crack open my television set, what will I find inside?
reiven
05-27-2011, 04:43 AM
an embryo sucking on digital yolk
should i add a door to my office cube?
IronSulfide
05-27-2011, 04:47 AM
Yes. Go with a revolving door, it shows you have class.
Why is there violence in the world?
reiven
05-27-2011, 04:51 AM
because some folk just need to die.
what is the difference between paper mache and tapioca?
IronSulfide
05-27-2011, 04:52 AM
Paper mache tastes better.
Why do we have windows?
GenessorDios
05-27-2011, 05:33 AM
If we didn't, we'd sound like idiots going around saying The eyes are the tapioca to the soul.
What's the fourteenth rule of camera usage?
Artio
05-27-2011, 05:36 AM
It's all fun and games until somebody loses an eye.
What's the best time to collect worms?
GenessorDios
05-27-2011, 05:41 AM
The best time is to wait until you're dead and buried, then they'll all come to you. You just have to perform an autonecromancy spell to revive yourself.
Why doesn't anyone sell pus juice drinks?
venuspop
05-27-2011, 05:43 AM
Because it's difficult to harvest.
What's Teddy Dreams?
GenessorDios
05-27-2011, 05:57 AM
What does it matter?
Why do you care?
venuspop
05-27-2011, 05:59 AM
Because I know what it is and YOU don't! ~~~ *taunts GD*
You don't, do you?
GenessorDios
05-27-2011, 06:08 AM
No. Taunt me all you want, all that will happen is that I'll break down and cry.
Wait, is that what you want?
reiven
05-27-2011, 07:39 AM
no... not at all.
why is it called break dancing?
DeepThought
05-27-2011, 10:10 AM
Because it involves the breaking of the viewers will in order for them to have any sort of an audience.
Why are doves associated with piece in the western world?
GenessorDios
05-27-2011, 12:31 PM
They fuck so much, they're the inspiration for the slogan make love, not war.
Where do pigeons buy condoms?
reiven
05-27-2011, 03:50 PM
all pigeons are sterile and have no need for condoms
why must i have a photo ID ?
IronSulfide
05-27-2011, 04:38 PM
Because we want to control your every move, and the subcutaneous tracking tags have not been perfected yet.
Why does an ice cream sundae come with a cherry on top?
reiven
05-27-2011, 05:50 PM
because live baby seals are unwieldy.
how bad could it be?
As good as Michael Jackson.
What happened to Weird Al Yankovic?
venuspop
05-27-2011, 09:04 PM
He's not weird anymore.
Weird, isn't it?
datagirl
05-28-2011, 07:17 PM
That's a common mistake but technically "it" is a pronoun
Why does Johnny Depp waste his talent by playing Jack Sparrow in Pirates franchise?
swizzluvin
05-28-2011, 07:51 PM
cause he hates the monkey duh :dunce:
who is the richest person in the world
A member of the Rothchild family.
Where's the capital of capitalism?
reiven
05-29-2011, 08:09 AM
most folk are so misinformed about it, the fail to capitalize the word at all
does my stuff belong to you?
Gerard91
05-29-2011, 08:52 AM
It said it has free will and will do whatever it wants to.
Do you like potatoes?
Only if they're fried French style.
What's inside your stomach now?
discontinuous
05-29-2011, 08:40 PM
Ten seconds' worth.
What's the difference between chlorophyll and chloroform?
venuspop
05-30-2011, 01:24 AM
One "fills" the other's "form".
Are all batteries alkaline?
reiven
05-30-2011, 06:48 AM
yes. well not quite. maybe. i'm not sure. no. yes. well not quite. maybe. i'm not sure. no. yes. well not quite. maybe. i'm not sure. no. yes. well not quite. maybe. i'm not sure. no. yes. well not quite. maybe. i'm not sure. no. yes. well not quite. maybe. i'm not sure. no. yes. well not quite. maybe. i'm not sure. no. yes. well not quite. maybe. i'm not sure. no.
is indecision a problem?
Not if you like confusion.
Can I have a dollar?
reiven
05-30-2011, 03:55 PM
only if they let me keep one to give away.
why does caffeine make me hyper?
IronSulfide
05-30-2011, 04:30 PM
Because you have an unusual metabolism.
Why do we keep making pennies when they're worth so little?
reiven
05-30-2011, 04:47 PM
because superstitious people still need encouragement
why do child actors turn out so terribly?
'cause all parents suck.
Why did my parents suck?
reiven
05-30-2011, 05:19 PM
lack of usable teeth. those in the jar don't count.
why does a body begin to fall apart at 40?
IronSulfide
05-30-2011, 05:24 PM
That's when the manufacturer's warranty terminates.
Why do people always smile in pictures?
venuspop
05-30-2011, 07:55 PM
I don't!
Do you?
GenessorDios
05-30-2011, 10:21 PM
Yes, you may.
Where shall I sit?
venuspop
05-31-2011, 01:17 AM
Can't sit without a butt.
Why don't you have a butt?
GenessorDios
05-31-2011, 02:08 AM
What need is there for one when all my excrement is recycled into speech sound waves and breath vapor?
Who would mind if this mind mine was mine?
IronSulfide
05-31-2011, 04:30 AM
My mind would mind. My mind is mine to mind.
Why don't they have three-dollar bills?
GenessorDios
05-31-2011, 05:13 AM
They have them, but they are selfish bastards and won't give them to anyone else. Fuck they!
What's a common elephant's last name?
reiven
05-31-2011, 05:42 AM
do you (already)have an answer you are wanting to insert here?
GenessorDios
05-31-2011, 06:15 AM
You lazy bastard.
Is it too much to ask for a little effort?
reiven
05-31-2011, 06:20 AM
from a pness?
*ha*
GenessorDios
05-31-2011, 07:18 AM
Curse you and your rulefloutingness. Should I answer? Should I not? Where's my anti-solipsis cream?
reiven
05-31-2011, 07:45 AM
on your hemorrhoids?
GenessorDios
05-31-2011, 08:43 AM
I guess if you want to be anally technical about it (and god knows you like being anal), a question can be considered a wrong answer. So you've wronganswered on two levels. I keep my hemmorhoids with my cream, not the other way around.
Is time travel the same as walking many rounds around the north pole clockwise quickly?
IronSulfide
05-31-2011, 10:17 AM
That's just time speeding. Time travelling is when you cross the International Date Line.
What are family values?
GenessorDios
05-31-2011, 10:40 AM
The estimated amount you can get for your parents & siblings in case you have to conduct an emergency auction.
Where does the tunnel lead?
IronSulfide
05-31-2011, 01:34 PM
Into a trash compactor.
What is the origin of the "high five"?
GenessorDios
05-31-2011, 05:32 PM
It was originally a teambuilding exercise back in 1964 where two partners had to cooperatively kill a mosquito.
What's the worst that could happen?
DeepThought
05-31-2011, 05:35 PM
Everything.
Why is it that every time I'm about to post a very clever answer/question set to this thread the question I'm responding to get's answered by someone else?
IronSulfide
05-31-2011, 05:39 PM
Because we're all out to get you.
Why do steaks taste better as they age?
DeepThought
05-31-2011, 05:43 PM
They get lazy in their old age whereby building up a tasty layer of fat.
Why can't one build a vessel to drill to the other side of the Earth?
IronSulfide
05-31-2011, 06:32 PM
It gets confiscated at customs after passing through the core.
Why can't we all just get along?
venuspop
05-31-2011, 07:14 PM
Because mothers-in-law are such an abomination.
Do you have one?
GenessorDios
05-31-2011, 08:37 PM
I have one, three, seven and eleven. All the important primes are with me.
What are they worth to you?
venuspop
05-31-2011, 11:45 PM
About twenty-two, using my fingers.
With only six fingers, how do you count?
GenessorDios
06-01-2011, 01:18 AM
Six fingers per finger isn't enough?
Why is my right pointer finger trying to seduce my left pointer finger?
venuspop
06-01-2011, 01:38 AM
Because your left hand doesn't know what your right hand is doing.
Of what use is a deep pocket?
reiven
06-01-2011, 02:36 AM
* to store an emergency inflatable rubber life raft
* a place to hide in the event you are attacked by a rabbit
* you can keep that CB radio close in case you ever wanna talk to truckers again
* deep pockets are great for storing those collapsible extension ladders
why do people use pea gravel as roofing material?
Taste of peat
06-01-2011, 03:58 AM
Because they want their roof to look like a tennis court.
Why do some girls behave like princesses, while it is obvious they're not ?
IronSulfide
06-01-2011, 04:39 AM
Because they watched Cinderella a few too many times.
What will cause the end of civilization?
reiven
06-01-2011, 04:42 AM
really?
really??
they act like sluts 364 days a year, and the one day they wanna be a princess, you pick that one to criticize?
sheesh.
the death of sid meier
why am i the one who has to make the coffee at work?
GenessorDios
06-01-2011, 05:03 AM
Did you expect the job of a coffee bitch to be data entry? No, now make me my coffee, bitch.
Does Beta Centauri have an inferiority complex?
Feste
06-01-2011, 05:13 AM
Well beta centuari is actually a scientific forumla to measure water based chemicals to the human metabolism, one such following being that bleach is drinkable with the concept of: Human is mostly water and bleach is mostly water; therefore we are bleach.
Why cant ants passover pen lines?
GenessorDios
06-01-2011, 05:20 AM
Ink isn't kosher.
Can ants dance sans pants?
Kaiye
06-01-2011, 05:46 AM
They're willing to...but they can't find good pants to fit their pelvis in.
When do you think Lady Gaga will stop showing her skin?
GenessorDios
06-01-2011, 06:32 AM
The zombification process is almost complete. Once the skin has fully dropped off, she will begin showing off all her flesh, so you can rest easy with your skinophobia.
Where is Cameroon?
IronSulfide
06-01-2011, 10:17 AM
You can find cameroons in your local candy shop.
What will happen when we run out of oil?
DeepThought
06-01-2011, 12:17 PM
We will begin extracting oil from the blubber from the über obese. Large trucks will begin prowling cities and towns of the mid-western US looking to harpoon these land whales.
What will happen when computers are able to program themselves?
Synapse
06-01-2011, 12:32 PM
We won't need Nestle to manufacture Hot Pockets anymore.
How many INFJs does it take to fix a computer?
IronSulfide
06-01-2011, 03:47 PM
Ten; one to fix the computer, and nine to provide moral support.
Can someone explain to me why people eat beef jerky?
Distance
06-01-2011, 04:08 PM
Beef jerky was originally created to boost male virility, hence the name.
Spam and cat food. Are they one and the same?
DeepThought
06-01-2011, 04:28 PM
They'd better be or I have some apologizing to do.
How many thumbtacks would it take to circumnavigate the Earth if they were stuck into the ground/sea-bed side-by-side around the equator with no space in between? Please take into account changes in elevation.
reiven
06-01-2011, 04:39 PM
about a hundred.
is my roman coin dated 60BC genuine?
Distance
06-01-2011, 04:53 PM
No, it's a fake since BC is the acronym for BeforeCoins.
Why can't cars run on water since there's hydrogen in the molecular structure?
Taste of peat
06-01-2011, 06:07 PM
Because cars are alcoholics. They physically hate water.
Why is dating complicated ?
IronSulfide
06-01-2011, 06:50 PM
Because the Mayan, Chinese and Western calendars are inconsistent.
If a tree falls in the woods, does anybody care?
venuspop
06-01-2011, 08:30 PM
Cameroon? Cradle of metallic forefathers? It became an island for scraps and is now located off Japan. Err... they didn't want to be associated with their former neighbours... if you must know.
Yes, the ants. It'll ruin their infrastructure.
How did the Ten Tribes got lost?
Distance
06-01-2011, 08:35 PM
GPS failure and with men leading, no one asked for directions since they just KNEW where they were going.
What is plexiglass?
DeepThought
06-01-2011, 08:46 PM
Just like normal glass except for very tiny hinges giving it enormous flexibility.
How do CCD cameras work?
venuspop
06-01-2011, 08:49 PM
They need to put food on their table.
Don't we all?
GenessorDios
06-01-2011, 09:39 PM
Yes I think we abbro our sentys overmuchlike.
What happened to the thirteenth tribe?
venuspop
06-01-2011, 11:14 PM
They evolved into metallic robots with six fingers and three rows of teeth and what was worse was that .... Oh Wait!
Where have I seen what I've just described?
GenessorDios
06-02-2011, 12:05 AM
Didn't it inexplicably enter your mind while you were fantasizing?
Well, didn't it?
venuspop
06-02-2011, 03:15 AM
Surely I can't be THAT bored!
Now where did I see what I described two posts ago?
IronSulfide
06-02-2011, 04:22 AM
On the Simpsons, I believe.
Is the world going to end in 2012?
GenessorDios
06-02-2011, 09:38 AM
Yup. Don't worry, the next season's scheduled to start somewhere around 2074, then we'll finally know what happens with the moon's pregnancy. Will she keep it? Will she abort that asteroid? Ah, compelling stuff.
Does mayonnaise counter melancholy?
IronSulfide
06-02-2011, 09:46 AM
No, but it does counter malaise.
Why is the earth round?
reiven
06-02-2011, 10:45 AM
we've asked her to leave, but she hasn't taken the hint.
why do tailors measure my inseam over and over an over?
Synapse
06-02-2011, 10:50 AM
Just to make sure.
What is the meaning of life?
DeepThought
06-02-2011, 11:02 AM
Green apple schnapps
Does anyone actually like eggplant?
datagirl
06-02-2011, 11:17 AM
the chickenplants are very protective of them
do I make you nervous?
DeepThought
06-02-2011, 11:56 AM
It's not you. It's the foil hat. It makes me wonder that perhaps there might be something to all those conspiracy theories after all.
Without touching it what's the easiest/best way to tell if the potato is fully cooked?
Distance
06-02-2011, 12:02 PM
A fully cooked potato turns black so it's easy to tell.
Do you enjoy Christopher Nolan movies?
Gerard91
06-02-2011, 12:30 PM
No, but I know about his brother Hubert de Nolan who starred in Sinking Island (game).
Why are ENTPs using majestic and dark avatars such as the one that my previous poster has?
IronSulfide
06-02-2011, 03:04 PM
Because they're actually INFJs posing as ENTPs.
Is there really a need for "double-stuffed" Oreo cookies?
GenessorDios
06-02-2011, 03:31 PM
You would deny the cookie fetishists their one true desire?
Fine, it's only me, so what? You got a problem with me fucking cookies?!
reiven
06-02-2011, 03:47 PM
confucious say, he who make love in pastry get ass in jam.
what is the secret of fiber optic?
DeepThought
06-02-2011, 03:51 PM
Wizards
Why do I have the thought "rule 34" running through my head?
IronSulfide
06-02-2011, 04:21 PM
Because you've spent far too much time reading the civil code.
What happens when you rub two pennies together?
DeepThought
06-02-2011, 04:24 PM
They become lovers.
What do you get when you cross an aardvark with a tarantula?
GenessorDios
06-02-2011, 04:24 PM
They become very opinionated.
The aardvark, being a staunch pacifist, will refrain from getting mad at the two of you but that won't stop the tarantula (long known as the asshole of the arachnid family) from trying to push its buttons.
Why do people fear nocturnal equines?
DeepThought
06-02-2011, 04:41 PM
Because of their aggressive and reactionary labor union.
What is Doctor Who's real name?
GenessorDios
06-02-2011, 04:48 PM
James Doctor, or to his friends, Jimmy Doc.
What are the ingredients of a knuckle sandwich?
reiven
06-02-2011, 05:06 PM
there is the eggplant variant served with a vinegrette aujus, and the asparagus variant served on rye with horseradish
what is a fractal?
DeepThought
06-02-2011, 05:12 PM
It's a flightless relative to the pterodactyl.
Why won't an anarchistic political system (?) work in real life?
IronSulfide
06-02-2011, 05:57 PM
It's just so difficult to organize.
What killed the dinosaurs?
DeepThought
06-02-2011, 06:06 PM
Smoking.
How can I increase my energy?
reiven
06-02-2011, 07:02 PM
110v in the bathtub, once each week.
how can i be sure to lucid dream?
Distance
06-02-2011, 07:05 PM
Study quantum mechanics.
What does the term "nice" mean?
DeepThought
06-02-2011, 07:13 PM
It's a synonym for "horny".
When will the Cubs win the World Series?
GenessorDios
06-02-2011, 07:37 PM
Never. The World Parallel, though, they have a shot at.
What alarm sounds the best?
DeepThought
06-02-2011, 07:43 PM
One that emulates the sound of a thousand crying infants.
Can you define "best"?
venuspop
06-02-2011, 08:00 PM
Best left unsaid.
Why is the slothful sloth slothful?
DeepThought
06-02-2011, 08:04 PM
Because it wouldn't get a fourth job to pay it's child support obligations.
Why isn't Pluto considered a planet anymore?
venuspop
06-02-2011, 08:09 PM
He was caught flirting with a comely comet.
What is black matter?
GenessorDios
06-02-2011, 09:02 PM
The stagnation of rap music and the increasingly intolerable rampant misogyny and materialism.
What's oilier, oil or not oil?
venuspop
06-02-2011, 09:05 PM
You're talking about the lube you're using for your working joints, aren't you?
Do you have any non-working joints?
GenessorDios
06-02-2011, 11:39 PM
Come on, that happened ONE TIME! Must you keep bringing it up just because I couldn't? :(
How can some people be so mean?
reiven
06-03-2011, 01:33 AM
tony robbins is now into tae bo, and he is conducting national seminars for the promotion of aggression.
where do headaches come from?
venuspop
06-03-2011, 04:22 AM
Nagging wives.
Who gave E-Coli to the Germans?
datagirl
06-03-2011, 04:33 AM
The Jews - it's payback for the Holocaust
Why should I thank God that it's Friday?
venuspop
06-03-2011, 04:38 AM
Well, you can thank me if you'd rather.
How long should you be wearing that cap?
IronSulfide
06-03-2011, 04:42 AM
Until the aliens land.
What is a quince?
DeepThought
06-03-2011, 07:11 AM
It's the equivalent of a wince for a sentient, four eyed species which inhabits one of the planets of Gliese 581 g system.
How does one tell an underling that they suck without making them cry?
GenessorDios
06-03-2011, 07:45 AM
You remind me of me at that age. Suck those tears up before I punch you in the gut, bitch.
Where's my lava lamp?
DeepThought
06-03-2011, 07:53 AM
In the volcano.
If the police call you a "person of interest" does that automatically make you interesting?
GenessorDios
06-03-2011, 08:17 AM
No, it requires four to six weeks of government bureaucracy before you are officially declared so, then another month for the name cards to be printed.
What inspires someone to greater heights?
datagirl
06-03-2011, 08:36 AM
To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 15 or greater. You currently have 0 posts. ndals%20MB015.jpg
Why are shoes so damn expensive?
DeepThought
06-03-2011, 08:48 AM
Because of the high turn over rate in the production department. It seems the workers keep getting high on the glue and need to go into rehab after only a few days.
Who would want to wear something like that anyway?
GenessorDios
06-03-2011, 09:49 AM
What do you mean? I think those are a lovely pair of earrings.
Anyone up for a quick lick?
IronSulfide
06-03-2011, 10:09 AM
Not really, I'm contagious.
Why do so many teens like skateboarding?
datagirl
06-03-2011, 10:58 AM
It gives them an excuse to visit the emergency room
Why do people buy overpriced coffee at Starbucks?
DeepThought
06-03-2011, 12:41 PM
To avoid the worms that are so often present in cheaper coffees.
What's better, an enema or a poke in the eye?
Taste of peat
06-03-2011, 06:31 PM
Enema. Having a medecinal device in the butt is much more funny than a vulgar poke in the eye.
Would it be interesting to eat cats ?
DeepThought
06-03-2011, 06:57 PM
No, Chinese food bores me to tears.
Why do paper cuts hurt so much?
GenessorDios
06-03-2011, 11:07 PM
Too much Linkin Park will do that to you.
Can I be of service?
DeepThought
06-03-2011, 11:19 PM
OK, you're a service.
Can a Leo and an Aries ever truly be happy in a relationship?
venuspop
06-03-2011, 11:19 PM
Too much Linkin Park will do that to you.
Can I be of service?
Let's see. What are you good at?
Can a Leo and an Aries ever truly be happy in a relationship?
only when they're not in love
Can you blink?
DeepThought
06-03-2011, 11:32 PM
Yes, but only with a jackhammer.
What is the square root of negative orange?
venuspop
06-03-2011, 11:34 PM
Negative oranges have positively tubular roots.
Do you have a face?
DeepThought
06-03-2011, 11:39 PM
Yes, but it's flattened from being sat on all day.
Would you like to see it?
GenessorDios
06-03-2011, 11:40 PM
That depends.
*puffs on cigar*
Who's asking?
DeepThought
06-03-2011, 11:43 PM
Would you really like to know or you just wasting my time?
venuspop
06-03-2011, 11:44 PM
Don't you have lots of time to waste anyway?
So, what was it you wanted to show us?
DeepThought
06-03-2011, 11:54 PM
Why are you so eager?
venuspop
06-03-2011, 11:56 PM
because i have a healthy appetite?
Are you hungry?
DeepThought
06-03-2011, 11:58 PM
Are you going to cook me something?
venuspop
06-04-2011, 12:33 AM
Will a plate of fried ants appeal?
Why is the horizon so far away?
DeepThought
06-04-2011, 01:08 AM
It's necessary to hide the Langoliers.
Why is it so hard to find something good to watch on TV late at night?
venuspop
06-04-2011, 01:17 AM
TVs need to sleep too, you know?
What happens if the Langoliers return?
DeepThought
06-04-2011, 01:23 AM
Food get stale, watches stop, and planes won't fly.
What is the point?
venuspop
06-04-2011, 01:39 AM
A point is the smallest unit of measure.
Do you know any turkeys?
DeepThought
06-04-2011, 01:47 AM
I've known many turkeys. Generally not very good conversationalists, but they were all delicious.
Why is it called a "cocktail"?
venuspop
06-04-2011, 01:48 AM
Because it tasted like one. ;D
Are there any turkeys in Turkey?
DeepThought
06-04-2011, 02:01 AM
Not any more. They were all removed at the end of the 19th century because the Sultan thought their vocalizations vulgar and an affront to Islam.
Why am I still awake?
venuspop
06-04-2011, 02:33 AM
Because you just love to stare into my dreamy black eyes. ;)
Don't I look cute and cuddly?
GenessorDios
06-04-2011, 06:12 AM
Yes, I is pretty cute, but I've always had a soft spot for Q.
What's the worst letter?
DeepThought
06-04-2011, 10:47 AM
The letter from the IRS informing me of an audit.
How does one go about successfully bribing an IRS agent?
Lucensis
06-04-2011, 01:39 PM
Give him cookies.
Why can't powdered milk be pink?
Alwards
06-04-2011, 02:17 PM
Give him cookies.
Why can't powdered milk be pink?
Powdered milk can`t be pink because it was given a choice at the powdering point to choose an irrevocable colour - it hasn`t got much money and so believes it cannot be pink because it can`t afford the lawyer bills for arguing about the contract being an illegal gun to head demand.
Why is left right?
reiven
06-04-2011, 02:26 PM
iron sulfide is the most common pinkening agent, and it occurs naturally in a paste form. when it is used to color the milk, it too is powdered. (so far we're ok.) but after passing through two states already, when water is added and the ferrisulides become liquefied, microbial organisms ignite and corrupt the milk in under two hours. non pinked samples have a liquefied shelf life of 30 months non refrigerated, and indefinitely when chilled. there's just no good way to market 2 hour milk.
because turning left always points you southeast, and everyone knows the southeast is best.
are mermaids real?
datagirl
06-04-2011, 07:19 PM
only when they cry
is it better to be lucky or smart?
reiven
06-05-2011, 01:20 PM
way better to be lucky. any degree of luck beats any degree of smart.
why can't i see the wind?
You're colorblind.
Why is sleep important?
reiven
06-05-2011, 04:33 PM
that is when the people from Aaron Rents sneak into you place, take all your stuff, and replace it with exact replicas.
what is an armoire?
stopwinking
06-05-2011, 06:50 PM
Where pasture-fed AK47s and other various mature weaponrey is slaughtered and sold off to BBQ restaurants and Republican Conventions
When is a spade not a spade?
datagirl
06-05-2011, 07:01 PM
When it's a club
What is better than a poke in the eye?
DeepThought
06-05-2011, 09:58 PM
This was the most recent answer: Enema. Having a medecinal device in the butt is much more funny than a vulgar poke in the eye.
Seems like a reasonable answer to me. :p
What's better as a snack: popcorn or ice cream?
GenessorDios
06-05-2011, 10:13 PM
I find that if you're in prison, it's better to have ice cream so your mouth will be numb when you have to inevitably Popcorn. Always.
Is it too much to ask for you to give an original answer, reasonableness notwithstanding?
DeepThought
06-05-2011, 10:17 PM
No, particularly when the answer being quoted is much more original than anything you can come up with!
Is there such a thing as popcorn ice cream?
venuspop
06-05-2011, 10:23 PM
But of course. If it can be popped, it can be creamed.
Why does oats taste dastardly?
GenessorDios
06-05-2011, 10:29 PM
Their constantly-sniggering dog always throws sea slugs in the mix.
Is love real?
venuspop
06-05-2011, 10:32 PM
Only while the batteries lasted.
Can you blink?
GenessorDios
06-05-2011, 10:45 PM
That's not important.
What's more important is, can you?
DeepThought
06-05-2011, 10:49 PM
That's not important.
What is important is which of you two would win in a staring contest?
venuspop
06-05-2011, 10:52 PM
Staring contest is only good if I have a working mouse which isn't driving me up the wall!@!
What's wrong with this @#!$%X^& mouse?
GenessorDios
06-05-2011, 10:56 PM
You would think the enemy of your enemy is your friend, but it turns out mice hate dogs just as much as cats.
Do you need a special license for wall driving?
DeepThought
06-05-2011, 11:00 PM
Yes, unless that wall's engine is less than 500cc and the wall weighs less than 250lbs.
Who really built the pyramids in Egypt?
GenessorDios
06-06-2011, 03:00 AM
It was originally the Egyptians as people thought, but what most don't know is that they were destroyed by rains fifty years ago. The Egyptian government put up some painted cardboard paper as a joke but no one noticed so they left it. But still, Egyptians.
What happened to the Rhodesian Colossus?
venuspop
06-06-2011, 05:12 AM
My blasted mouse clicked on it accidentally and made it disappear.
Are there any tears when you cry?
reiven
06-06-2011, 05:28 AM
yes, but i weep from my armpits.
what is a rutabaga?
venuspop
06-06-2011, 05:34 AM
A rude bugger.
Can you be rude without being rude?
reiven
06-06-2011, 05:39 AM
while buggering? not likely.
what is in vegetable soup?
venuspop
06-06-2011, 05:41 AM
I promised not to tell but what the heck! I'll break my rules just this once. What's in vegetable soup? Those squirmy protein packs that wriggles and jiggles.
Can you keep this secret?
GenessorDios
06-06-2011, 07:17 AM
Maybe.
Is it heavy and/or moist?
DeepThought
06-06-2011, 09:10 AM
No. Secrets are never heavy or moist. They are always light, dry and boring.
What does it take to be a really great novelist?
altoid
06-06-2011, 09:52 AM
A drinking problem.
What is the best use of the internet?
DeepThought
06-06-2011, 10:37 AM
Porn, of course! The more obscure and bizarre the better.
Why do people insist on debating philosophy as if it mattered?
altoid
06-06-2011, 12:53 PM
Because stories about their cats grew tiresome.
For what does it actually take a village?
DeepThought
06-06-2011, 12:59 PM
Raising pet spiders. They are such helpless and needy little things.
What is the meaning of life, the universe and everything?
ScissorMeTimbrs
06-06-2011, 01:08 PM
to worship Allah (the one and only god).
who shot JFK?
DeepThought
06-06-2011, 04:21 PM
I did.
What are you going to do about it?
GenessorDios
06-06-2011, 04:44 PM
I did.
Who are you going to do about it?
Hopefully a Kennedy girl after I shoot you and tell her.
Where can I find one of those?
DeepThought
06-06-2011, 05:37 PM
Try the nearest funeral home.
What would have happened if JFK not been assassinated?
GenessorDios
06-06-2011, 05:43 PM
I guess I'd probably have to try seducing a Kennedy girl the normal way then.
Do you suppose they like magic tricks?
DeepThought
06-06-2011, 05:51 PM
Yes, I'm sure they'd be thrilled at your amazing disappearing penis trick. You should go hunt one down and show them the trick right away.
Do you think Jack Ruby was really acting alone?
GenessorDios
06-06-2011, 06:10 PM
No, I heard he had an acting coach and a PA.
What's the best place to hide something?
DeepThought
06-06-2011, 06:56 PM
In the empty cavity of your skull. :p
Why doesn't human sexual arousal and mating practices more closely resemble that of our great-ape cousins?
venuspop
06-06-2011, 07:53 PM
because they had fur coverings which tingles while we only have skin which doesn't.
does yours tingle?
No, mine are made of dead cells.
What's in your wallet?
venuspop
06-06-2011, 08:18 PM
photographs.
yours?
Distance
06-06-2011, 08:22 PM
Three mangoes and a partridge in a pear tree.
What are you smoking?
venuspop
06-06-2011, 08:24 PM
plastic cigars
you?
Oxygen.
How high are you?
venuspop
06-06-2011, 08:24 PM
about up to there.
and you?
15 feet from the pavement.
Why can't you get a hotel room at Wal-Mart?
venuspop
06-06-2011, 08:28 PM
I'm told I'm too short.
Are you tall enough?
I'm too high for their low prices.
What is Target the target of?
venuspop
06-06-2011, 08:34 PM
A target is the target for targeting a target.
Have you become a target?
I've been three rings out of the bull's eye.
Who's your Big Brother watching you?
venuspop
06-06-2011, 08:48 PM
I'm not allowed to speak his name.
Is he watching you too?
GenessorDios
06-06-2011, 08:58 PM
I always feel like
Somebody's watching me
And I have no privacy
Oh oh oh
Who's watching me?
venuspop
06-06-2011, 08:59 PM
I'm not allowed to speak his name too.
Are you underaged?
GenessorDios
06-06-2011, 09:11 PM
No, after that surgery to remove all my anger molecules, I'd say I'm pretty deraged.
How many ways are there to fold paper?
venuspop
06-06-2011, 09:32 PM
Technically, only one way. All the other ways are wrong!
Why's a bullseye called a bull's eye?
GenessorDios
06-06-2011, 09:55 PM
They tried calling it a cowseye first, but the bovines were all up in arms on claims of moosogyny, so it was changed. Apparently no one cares about violent imagery concerning bulls.
Is contemplation useful?
venuspop
06-06-2011, 10:12 PM
It is, only if it is used contemplatively.
How does one contemplate contemplatively?
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