I'm So Bored; Please Amuse Me - The Wrong Answer Game

[GenessorDios]

*cluck*

No no, shh.

Your honor, my client was nowhere near the alleged street. Since the prosecution is unable to present evidence to the contrary, the defense would like to move for a mistrial and sue the plaintiff for an attempt at anti-poultrification of transport networks.

Why are women gross?

[discontinuous]

Because robots aren't attracted to flesh.

Why are these budget chicken strips brown in the middle?

[OrangeLeland]

Because that's the way that really fresh chicken looks.

Why do people say "I'm so hungry I could eat a horse"?

[datagirl]

because they have never seen this
To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 15 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.

what does horse meat taste like?

[lifeguard]

vegetarian sausage

how can condoms protect you from having sex?

[OrangeLeland]

They give you an electric shock when you think about having sex, short-circuiting the pleasure centers and eliminating all desire.

What was the big secret in "The Sixth Sense"?

[GenessorDios]

Everyone's so focused on the whole being dead part; no one ever mentions the part about the sixth sense being the ability to know when a shit is imminent.

How does one eroticize rain?

[reiven]

millions and millions of tiny feather boas

why does religion ignore science?

[GenessorDios]

They had an argument, AGAIN. Some shit about someone dribbling primordial ooze on the toilet seat, you don't wanna know.

Are we there yet?

[reiven]

WE are. did you want to come, too?

is gravy good for me?

[GenessorDios]

Good gravy! Of course it is!

2+2=?

[reiven]

menage a trois
(yeah... math is hard)

what flavor is the perfect jelly?

[GenessorDios]

Trick question. All jelly is perfect, even the shit-flavored ones.

Can I buy you a drink?

[reiven]

no! i hardly know you

is lead really poisonous?

[GenessorDios]

Not really, but follow is.

So, did it hurt when you fell down from heaven?

[reiven]

pfft; have you ever had a compound fracture in a wingbone?
hell yes it hurt.

if we get a new messiah, will we have to start the whole calender from zero again?

[GenessorDios]

Too much of a hassle, that's why I told them not to use BGD.

Is your father a carpenter?

[reiven]

of sorts.

isn't today divine?

[GenessorDios]

You look like you know how to screw.

What's a good pair o' parables?

[reiven]

the greek philosopher Testicles

whats the difference between psychiatry and psychology?

[datagirl]

meds

Why is the p silent?

[GettingBetter]

It tried being noisy last week and ended up in jail for disturbing the 'p's.

Why does science ignore religion?

[aok]

Because it is a religion, that believes all other religions are wrong, therefore ignored due to the bias that can't be bypassed by the repressive scientific master known as empirical recidivism.

Why do you sleep?

[reiven]

science dated religion's older sister back in the seventies. it's a long story, (whom should you believe in these situations) but rumor has it religion had a thing for science's little brother. there were accusations.... and now they just don't speak to each other.

[edit: i'm slow because i'm typing with a band-aid on my finger :( ]


what is mayonnaise?

[GenessorDios]

From my observations, it appears to be your favorite beverage/sexual aid.

Why doesn't it burn when I pee?

[venuspop]

You have to drink a beaker of sulphuric acid first.

What's happened to Jason Mraz?

[Taste of peat]

He went through a surgery to get a bigger member.

Why is the weather warm outside ?

[aok]

The thermostat was set too high.


Why aren't there beds in restrooms?

[TypeINTP]

Because they quarreled over who's gonna get the stains out of the sheets!

Why do people go to the restrooms?

[jkatra]

To rest.

Why are hotels so expensive?

[discontinuous]

So that you can feel wealthy while you throw your life savings at them to briefly escape reality.

Why do cops ask you if you know how fast you were going?

[aok]

Because they're hoping you'll say it was faster than they clocked you, so they can give you a bigger ticket.

How do you fit a square peg in a round hole?

[OrangeLeland]

Bend the square peg through the anti-reverse of the space-time continuum contained within the perimiter of the round hole, thus enabling folding at the quantum level.

What is a square root?

[aok]

The beginning of the flowering process known as cloning.

What does weird mean?

[reiven]

to weird is to fold down the outside edges of any flat material (as if to make a box top).
for example, "jim only weirded three sides today, he said he will weird the last one in the morning."

what is the origin of italics?

[GenessorDios]

They're just old letters that refuse to retire. At that age, their bad backs prevent them from standing upright, poor sods.

What is employee empowerment?

[discontinuous]

A term coined by Xzibit on the pimp my staff show.

X: Because I know like, it's important to you when your employees feel productive.... I installed a system that makes your employees feel like they're doing something, while they're at work, so that they now can feel like they are doing something, while they're at work.


What was the best thing before sliced bread?

[GenessorDios]

There was no best thing. There were only some pretty good things like standing on one leg, the dull pain after an injection and herpes. Sliced bread showed us that our lives had been empty all along, we just didn't know it.

How meta-referential can one get?

[discontinuous]

I once met an author who published a single copy of his book.

At the auction he was standing inside a U-shaped piece of cardboard.


Why do leaves change color in the fall?

[GenessorDios]

Everyone loves Santa Claus but no one even bothers to give a name to the crazy fucker who runs around unseen painting every single leaf every time the seasons change. He does more work in one season than that fat slob does all decade!

Why are costume parties popular?

[venuspop]

because you can make an appearance in a tin can and get to dance with a magnetic comb.

why do entrails look like entrails?

[GenessorDios]

Because no one ever told them they could achieve anything greater. Guidance counselors are very influential to internal organs.

What's the Bismarck?

[venuspop]

That's a mark on a beast, any beast.

What's a beast?

[TypeINTP]

The thing that will get you if you don't brush your teeth before you go to bed.

What will happen if bill gates was left alone in a room with steve jobs for 45 minuets?

[reiven]

they would discuss bob dylan. as far as i know, gates still thinks hendrix wrote all along the watchtower

why can't i pull that tag off my mattress?

[GenessorDios]

The bedbugs are holding on to the other end. Stop it, reiven. No one likes a selfish person.

Why is my foot unhappy?

[discontinuous]

Well, you keep waking it up when it goes to sleep, you change its clothes once a week, and its house consists of grocery bags you glue gunned on top of an array of erasers. Your other foot would let you have it too, but he passed away...

What does it mean when a diver has the bends?

[GenessorDios]

It means they're douchey friends who won't lend you the CD even though they know you're a big fan too.

Can't a fella bludgeon bunnies in peace?

[reiven]

in arkansas, nebraska and iowa it is just a misdemeanor; go for it.

what is the difference between plastic and carbon?

[venuspop]

plastic starts with p and carbon starts with c

what's between here and there?

[reiven]

styrofoam peanuts.
gazillions of em.

what would happen if three meant 12 and 12 meant three?

[venuspop]

a matrimonial disagreement.

why did they argue until the cows come home?

[reiven]

because of the cast military industrial complex tempered by big beef

where can i find a personal rocket?

[venuspop]

at the bottom of the Mariana Trench. They were left there by the Russians.

where can I find the ship Titanic?

[Gerard91]

I think somewhere in Greece (refference to titans), maybe it's the lost Atlantis.

Why is sugar in Poland so expensive?

[reiven]

because of the tax on foreplay

are multiple orgasms self-indulgent?

[GenessorDios]

Only if they're given to you by the queen.

Why don't countries change their name every fifteen years?

[reiven]

because they all have adhd and want new names every 20 seconds or so.


what can i have?

[GenessorDios]

I can have capitalization every once in a while if someone isn't so goddamn lazy.

To whom should I pray for a cancer cure?

[reiven]

poseidon. don't ask, just do it.

was the differentiation between colon and semicolon decided by committee?

[GenessorDios]

Yes and no; they decided two things: colons are separate from semicolons and we are not a committee.

馬鹿な人、’はい’を答えないか？

[WoodsWoman]

Dog biscuits.

Where's Waldo?

[discontinuous]

On every page asshole just try harder.

What do caterpillars do inside their cocoon?

[aok]

Engulf themselves in asbestos.

Where does butter fly?

[OrangeLeland]

In the thin atmosphere of Mars.

Speaking of Mars, why is the Martian atmosphere so thin?

[discontinuous]

Because Jupiter was thirsty and decided to drink Martian water. Inadvertently the greedy bastard made lots of slurping sounds with his straw and sucked up a good portion of Mars's atmosphere as well.

Why is there an asteroid belt between mars and jupiter?

[reiven]

the gated community idea was actually mercury's brainchild. without the passcode, none of the big planets can get in.

what difference does halogen make?

[discontinuous]

It's negolahgible.

What's in Jig-A-Loo?

[venuspop]

Jigglers who jiggles their jiggling pee into the Jig-A-Loo. They had to pay, of course, for such a privilege.

Why do girls love secrets?

[reiven]

because they have tiny minds, and full discourse takes up too much room.

:p

where does super glue come from?

[venuspop]

the innards of alien critters

why must one make hay while the sun shines?

[reiven]

because capitalism is not in vogue; making money while the sun shines is not an option.
because they are minute nazi's at GMT, you can't make time while the sun shines.
because they limit toilet paper and imposed these silly 1 liter toilets, you can't make do while the sun shines.

so i guess the notion is predicated on thomas jeffersons love of agriculture.
i'm guessing; but i bet i'm right.


what is a coupon?

[lifeguard]

paper you must meticulously cut out, and also a time consuming activity people do so they can say " i saved some sense".

Where do tingly feeling come from?

[venuspop]

The spleen. Don't ask.

What makes the spleen tingles?

[OrangeLeland]

Half-eaten Twinkies.

What is the purpose of the appendix?

[venuspop]

It lists down what you can eat and what you shouldn't.

what happens if we have a tail?

[Jonathan Brewer]

We're bisexual.


Is there a wrong way to eat a Reese Peanut Butter Cup?

[GettingBetter]

Well, see now, you are presuming that there is a right way to eat a Reese's Peanut Butter Cup. And of course there is because I just declared it to be so. The correct way to eat a Reese's Peanut Butter Cup is with a fork and knife. All other methods are WRONG.

How many sociopaths run corporations?

[TypeINTP]

Count the corporations.

Why is 2 x 2 = 4 ??

[OrangeLeland]

It's only 4 for conventional values of 2.

Kirk or Picard?

[reiven]

somewhere between fish and tetra-pod, the human species developed several superfluous organs. one was called the diowendlyn. it was an adjunct to the endocrine glands. just below the liver was a fibrous mass called the stangerri which had something to do with digestion. it was well know that the diowendlyn distrusted the stangerri due to an unfortunate near-fatal 'incident' involving digestive acids and a valentines day card. the appendix was introduced as sort of a maginot line between the two warring innards. as time passed and the diowendlyn and stangerri each morphed into kidneys, the appendix was left with no real purpose.

how many shades of blue are there?

[venuspop]

about twenty four but they're still arguing that half of those may be green.

what did adam say to eve?

[reiven]

"WTF? you walk around nekkid and get pissed off when i'm aroused?
yeah...go ahead and call your mom; i'm sick of this shit"

what is the best apocryphal book of the bible?

[aok]

The Zohar

If disease is a dis, where's the ease in it?

[reiven]

microbes are all unionized now. it takes 10 to do the work of one now.

what is the best cure for a migraine?

[Artio]

xSFxs.

Why am I hungry all the time today?

[reiven]

you have a herring deficiency
take two fish and wake me in the morning

on the telephone keypad, why doesn't the number one have letters under it?

[Gerard91]

Because it is shouting on them with !!!!!!

Do you have any permanent marker with ye?

[OrangeLeland]

No.

If the square root of 4 is 2, what's the cube root of Janet Jackson?

[reiven]

pineapple soufflé

why are there ridges around the edge of a poker chip?

[CaptainAwesome]

To make them more painful to shove in your rectum.

Why is printer ink so EXPENSIVE?

[katrin]

Because it's made out of blackberry cordial.

Why is wallpaper so hard to remove?

[venuspop]

because of their strong sense of attachment.

why does a jab in the butt hurt less?

[reiven]

because of the number of nerve endings around the eyeball.

where can i find black eyeliner?

[Gerard91]

Check your wives bag.

Why is green color connected with envy?

[TypeINTP]

Because green always wanted to be blue ...

why is my dog ALWAYS up ??

[WoodsWoman]

Mentos mints.

Who invented the wood stove?

[aok]

Apes trying to evolve into cavemen.

Why do people worship science?

[venuspop]

worshipping rocks and trees were no longer trendy..

why did the dinosaurs die?

[reiven]

they heard the mother ship was on the way, so they all put on converse tennis shoes and drank the kool aid.

what is the best color for a highlighter?

[venuspop]

magic ink

why is the dude in your avatar so skinny?

[reiven]

because RL adds 40 lbs to an avatar.

should i sharpen my teeth?

[lifeguard]

you eat concrete...whats the point.

What eye color is the best to have?

[Winter Sun]

Chartreuse

Where do babies come from?

[Missinglink]

Chartreuse

Where do babies come from?

FSM spawns them from the depths of of his gullet in a vain attempt to create an army of transgenic hamsters.

Boxers or briefs?

[Winter Sun]

Edible

What came first, the chicken or the egg?

[Missinglink]

Edible

What came first, the chicken or the egg?

The turdukin

Why do monkeys fling poo?

[Gerard91]

Because they don't agree with the sentence "Don't give a shit."

Do you see any bombs in your room?

[OrangeLeland]

Yes.

Why do doctors tell you "this won't hurt" when they know damn well it will?

[datagirl]

Step 2 includes a section on sadomasochism

Can I use Kool-Aid to dye my hair?

[discontinuous]

Only if it's a mop.

What makes shamwow suck so much?

[reiven]

german engineering. they've never been a can-do sort of people.

what brought about the stapler?

[aok]

Pencil pushers needing protection.

What is low-brow humor?

[reiven]

in the war counsel of genghis khan he kept two schools. one was ever aggressive and they only saw value in attack. the lesser school was inclined to strategy and maneuver. brehau is mongolian for stream of thought. those who favored attack were believed to be more virtuous, or high brehau (latinized to brow) to the khan, while those who contemplated were low brow.

what was robt frost really doing in the woods that evening?

[aok]

Frosting trees with glistening, glowing, urination freezing from the bitterly cold breeze.

Why is rob also bob?

[reiven]

because their dad lobbied for both flammable and inflammable to mean the same thing.
webster agreed in exchange for the bob / rob thing.

why coins?

[aok]

To satisfy metal-heads.

Why doesn't Eminem pay homage to Vanilla Ice?

[Winter Sun]

Cuz that would ruin his street cred.

Can I take my puppy to heaven with me when I die?

[Artio]

No, you can't. It'll await for you in Timbuktu.

Will there ever be a cure for allergies?

[Winter Sun]

No, but allergies will eventually find a cure for people.

Do I look fat in this dress?

[venuspop]

you look fabulous!

should i always tell the truth?

[Winter Sun]

You can't handle the truth!!

Where did I put my keys?

[venuspop]

the flower bed?

can fishes talk to each other?

[Winter Sun]

Last I heard they had a fight and were giving each other the silent treatment. I told one of them they could stay at my place tonight, so I'll ask him when he comes out of his room.

Who's on first?

[aok]

What.

Why aren't pay rates going up to compensate for increasing gas costs?

[Gerard91]

End of the world is coming, I hear the tax laws being more aggressive then ever...

Why did I eat so much today?

[datagirl]

End of the world is coming, no food tomorrow

Why do people leave the room when I walk in the door?

[reiven]

in all municipalities of 30 or more residence, there are strict (damn near nazified) regulations on occupancy. if it keeps happening, pick less-crowded rooms.

how do i laminate my goldfish?

[Artio]

Put it in a plastic wrap, give it some heat in a toaster and squeeze it. That should do it.

How do I laminate my panties?

[reiven]

that is actually a misconception. in the late '60 it was vogue to wrap one's self in plastic-wrap and call it underwear. now that those people are in their 60's, they jokingly call it lamination.

how do they get the salt inside the peanut shells?

[discontinuous]

First they mix extra sodium in the soil. Then after harvest they dunk the nuts in chlorinated water.

What is Murphy's Law?

[reiven]

it was a second failed sitcom from the 80's for chuck wagoner.

why is there a tail on the comma?

[Gerard91]

Hmm... I don't know why, this is certain we don't need to take commas stuck between our tooth...

Do you like to see yourself in the mirror?

[TypeINTP]

Yes, because that's how I can talk to the only other person that exist in my life !

Do you think cars are real??

[Othesemo]

That depends on what a car is.

Do you know latin?

[Gerard91]

Yeah I've been in Spain, there are plenty of latin people there...

Do you want to paint my room for me?

[reiven]

0.0
ummm.... yes.
have you been stalking my posts in the "what is your fantasy" thread?

what are these extra keys i have in my junk drawer?

[discontinuous]

You have 4 keys.

The first one goes to the janitor's maintenance/security room at a school nearby. The are jars filled with remnants of biology class and old class pets. Walking through this place one would noticed scratched walls and a bin containing what appears to be human facial features.

The second key opens the back door to a sleazy crack motel room in Nebraska.

The third key, must be used with the fourth key, at the top of a clock tower. Upon activating a lengthy mechanized sequence, you would gain access to an extra key, guarding a locker at a train station in New York. This gives you access to your supplementary collection of old keys.

Why do birds heading in my direction outside always choose to fly 100% aligned with the top of my head?

[Winter Sun]

Target practice.

What is Newton's fourth law of motion?

[Gerard91]

"When you stand still you move backwards."

Is there any reason needed for the existence itself?

[Winter Sun]

I'm sure that a reason exists of why nothing exists.

If you had the choice between eating BBQ spare ribs or getting mad cow disease, what would you choose and why?

[kari]

I would choose the BBQ spare ribs but only if they were ribs from a diseased cow. Then I could have it allll.

Why do humans require sleep?

[Winter Sun]

We don't. We sleep because dreams require humans.

What would happen if I decided to stop sleeping?

[venuspop]

You'll end up inside the matrix and be known as "The One"

Will there be a Matrix 4?

[TypeINTP]

Sure, as soon as they are done with 'SAW 143'.

Will dogs ever be violet ???

---------- Post added 04-18-2011 at 08:21 AM ----------

Sure, as soon as they are done with 'SAW 143'.

Will dogs ever be violet ???

[venuspop]

Yes. It's called plastic surgery.

Can dogs have plastic violet fur?

[Gerard91]

Ask Lady Gaga, she specializes in plastic wearings.

Why are sunglasses called "pornobrylle" (wrote from hearing) -> porn-glasses in Germany?

[venuspop]

No. Porn-glasses for the blind.

Why's a blitzkrieg called a blitzkrieg?

[Cooper]

I am wide awake.

[Gerard91]

Hey fella, what's your question, huh?

***SILENCE***

Alright, a question now.

Do you think Freud was smart or stupid?

[reiven]

yes.

what can not be answered by numbers?

[venuspop]

alphabets

what cannot be answered by alphabets?

[Gerard91]

Diagrams.

What cannot be answered by diagrams?

[lifeguard]

Unicode characters.

Why are there codes in scripts?

[Winter Sun]

Oh, I didn't know codes had a new movie coming out. I'll have to check it out.

What's green and has wheels?

[aok]

A tree that leaves its roots.

What's black, white, and read all over?

[venuspop]

a bookworm of a snowman.

shall we feast on the bookworm?

[discontinuous]

Worms do not make ideal page keepers, but I supposed you may scrape and consume the remains without detriment.

Which vegetable is best suited for underwater consumption?

[Gerard91]

Watermelon. The name says it all. Oh and here in Europe we call watermelons vegetables (isn't that obvious?)

Do you think that barking makes dogs friendly?

[venuspop]

No. Nagging does.

Do you prefer a growl or a bark?

[reiven]

bark.
preferably hardwood.
oak or maple.
or bakers chocolate.

i want to suggest a different sound for the municipal tornado warning siren.
what would be a good sound to use?

[Gerard91]

A giant fart.

Would you like some coffee?

[venuspop]

roasted or raw?

does raw meat appeal?

[discontinuous]

Only in the context of spread legs.

How do I shot web?

To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 15 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.

[venuspop]

from the arm pit.

why can't spider man fly?

[reiven]

because of an incident in 1974. harry had learned what happens when you put Draino and water in a quart glass coke bottle with a screw on cap... BOOM. he and peter had blown up four or five bottles at the city (municipal) park, but they got caught by a constable. harry was a sarcastic sombitch and insulted the constable for driving an amc pacer.

they were both arrested and charged with 'manufacturing an explosive device for use on government property' and served 8 days each in juvie.

fast forward about 20 years, september 11, 2001 and the aftermath... the convictions were 'seen' by TSA computer. now peter parker and harry osborne are both on the no-fly list.


where will the next act of terrorism be?

[venuspop]

It should be at last night's nightmare but I postponed it till tomorrow so that's where it'll be, I'm afraid.

why are you so skinny?

[reiven]

subliminal messages in all those brenda lee songs.

why should i not wear a brass earring?

[venuspop]

you wouldn't be able to stand upright with one...

are you bald?

is that why you're always wearing that cap?

[reiven]

no, i have an afro; the cap is airbrushed-on just for the av.

what makes asparagus so yucky?

[venuspop]

it's all in the way they're made, long, thin, green and nondescript.

why am i exhausted?

[reiven]

because you have been trying to master that jack russel terrier back flip thingy.

should i do a little bit of work, or maybe keep playing on the forum?

[GenessorDios]

Killing your boss will give you some free time to make a decision. Trust me, it's worked at least seven times for me already.

What is the best type of butt?

[reiven]

large, flat, and no hips.
preferably unwarshed.

did we descend from apes?

[GenessorDios]

Common misconception. No, we descended from peas. Darwin was a poor spellist.

Is a buck a duck a fair affair?

[Gerard91]

I don't know how robotic culture describes it.

What makes jelly so frightened that it shivers?

[Seriously]

Whipped cream.


Who invented socks?

[Winter Sun]

Our feet.

How much wood could a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood?

[Seriously]

Woodchucks don't chuck wood silly. They hire beavers for that.


Where can I get a goose that lays a golden egg?

[GettingBetter]

In Borders in the children's section. Or you could just purchase it from Amazon.

How far do leaves from 70 foot tall trees travel when they fall in the fall?

[reiven]

they don't fall. they are pushed.

what could i make with a pen knife, some speaker wire, red lipstick and a bowling ball?

[discontinuous]

Something like this.
To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 15 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.

Don't screw up.

Where could you grab a fresh pair of melons this time of year?

[Seriously]

*looks down* they are there all year. But no grabbing.




When will I die?

[aok]

When you stop being serious.

Where does the yellow brick road lead?

[Seriously]

over the rainbow and through the woods to grandmother's house.



Where does belly button lint come from?

[venuspop]

atlantis

what are booby traps for?

[GenessorDios]

Boopy traps were originally designed to capture and execute fictional characters in clear violation of the Anti-Dichromatism doctrine of the late '80s. Learn to spell.

Who invented finger-pointing?

[venuspop]

Adam. He pointed at Eve and said "She did it!"

Who invented back-stabbing?

[aok]

Capitalism.

Who invented lust?

[venuspop]

Eve, with a fig leaf. Don't ask.

Who invented work?

[Artio]

God.

Who invented foie gras?

[reiven]

cannibalistic geese

who invented inventing?

[venuspop]

The inventinator.

Should you smile at a crocodile?

[reiven]

yes. domestic crocs are well tended, but those in the wild do not get enough human interaction. the latest National Wildlife Betterment Agency Report (for 2009) suggests that

"physical contact with humans is woefully insufficient for the mental wellbeing of the wild crocodile population"

where is my missing sock?

[venuspop]

is it under your cap?

what's that smell? ;D

[reiven]

lightly salted koala fingers in hollandaise sauce on a bed of rice pilaf

what will be the next great telecommunications breakthrough?

[venuspop]

teleporting.

is this possible?

[aok]

Anything is possible with a cell phone, unfortunately most people still have a preference for text messaging.

What is a telekinetic psychic reflection?

[reiven]

that is the new dating show on fox hosted by ivanna trump.

who was che guevara?

[discontinuous]

The primate after whom the guava fruit is named.

What's everyone else doing at the bank that takes so long?

[Gerard91]

They deal with the urgent matter of procreation.

What are colors for?

[discontinuous]

Making various dyes.

What's this Hubble thing I keep hearing about?

[rbc]

The reason the world is getting smaller every day.

What can I do to sleep better at night?

[venuspop]

read a dictionary

what's that picture in your avatar?

[reiven]

cy young.
it was johnny bench for a while, but catchers have fallen out of vogue.

what happens to paper clips in the afterlife?

[Gerard91]

They are a part of paper clip church building.

What makes me hate spring?

[discontinuous]

Your realization that you must compete for oxygen with vegetation at night. (weak breath...)

Why is my apartment the only place above ground on this whole island where my cellphone gets shitty reception?

[Cooper]

Too close to the toilet.

Who did and why did someone name Paducah Paducah?

[venuspop]

Paducah named Paducah Paducah because it seem like a good idea at the time.

Do you embrace the shadows?

[reiven]

not only do i embrace the shadows, i slip them the tongue quite often.

what's for breakfast?

[venuspop]

a sheepish grin.

what else is breakfast?

[reiven]

this (To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 15 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.)

where did copper come from?

[Gerard91]

It is the dinosaurs dung, isn't that obvious?

Why people aren't as big as dinosaurs?

[reiven]

all dinosaurs were tiny. we seem to think they were really big and we were just seeing them from far away. but no... they are about the size of a hot wheels racer.


how do some people have one blue eye and one brown one?

[irini]

It is better than being cross eyed

Does anyone know where I can find the band of the river?

[reiven]

just follow the path marked A (To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 15 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.)


why is sex in an airplane so appealing?

[aok]

People love being high.

What's the best, most comfortable way to drop out of society w/out having money?

[venuspop]

by dropping dead.

why won't my flu bug go away?

[aok]

It already flu, it can no longer fly.

What is an ESFP like?

[reiven]

they vary in size greatly, and go from pinkish to light or dark brown. they tend to be bumpy toward the tip and are quite temperature sensitive.


what is the best use for recycled plastics?

[Gerard91]

They can make great plastics clothes with it.

What are marriages for?

[reiven]

marriage was an invention of william hallmark; one more reason to buy a greeting card.

which came first, the chicken or the mushroom?

[venuspop]

Neither. Puppies came first.

Which came first, dogs or cats?

[reiven]

cat: "what about my needs?"
dog: "i got mine, you'll just have to manage something on your own... the guys are waiting for me...."


what is unique about the next level flea collars?

[venuspop]

it zaps the fleas to smithereens.

how many udders does a bull have?

[reiven]

one.
please don't ask me to elaborate :/


why is the grass always greener on the other side?

[venuspop]

that's where i buried - Ahem! ~~~ *clears throat, coughs, sputters*

why won't gaddafi give up libya?

[reiven]

because if he keeps it until june he qualifies for additional tax credit.


what is the enigma code?

[discontinuous]

A fixed set of meaningless hand and facial gestures. Once employed, allowing you to confuse anyone, anywhere.

What will happen if I put my shoes in the washing machine?

[reiven]

you don't want to do that. my cousin betty washed a pair of converse with a load of bluejeans and a few shirts. she was aware of the animosity between the jeans and one of the shirts, but she was not aware of the devious attitude of the tennis shoes. by the time the load went thought the washer and dryer, they had stirred up discord between the jeans and every shirt in that load. it was so bad she couldn't ever wear them together.

don't do it. she ended up giving her old jeans to goodwill.

what causes mold?

[sixpoint8]

Donald trump's combover.

What causes dreadlocks?

[aok]

Deposits of THC resin gesticulating amongst hair follicles.

How much does happiness cost?

[reiven]

8.99 lb

why does steve jobs wanna know where i am?

[sixpoint8]

He needs to harvest an essential chemical from your brain in order to manufacture the oleophobic screens for the iOS devices.

Who was Attila the Hun?

[reiven]

he was an INFP


what is alternating current?

[discontinuous]

The kinetic model reference for an intermittent bad odor.

What's an inductor?

[aok]

Internal train disruptor.

What does a training bra prepare a person for?

[discontinuous]

Full time cross-dressing.

What is scroll lock used for?

[venuspop]

to lock up porn sites.

why?

[reiven]

42

why is theft illegal?

[venuspop]

because it looks bad on your resume

why do you need a mirror?

[reiven]

because actually looking at people causes them discomfort. looking at them through a mirror diffuses the intimidation factor :/

why do most body parts come in pairs?

[venuspop]

so that the left brain needn't fight with the right brain.

what happens if it's a single body part hanging between pairs?

[reiven]

procreation.
oops, forgot the 'wrong answer' part of the thread.

ummm,
two pair or three of a kind will usually win.


what makes a sunburn itch?

[venuspop]

its the burnt cells itching to get off you.

why do we have cells?

[reiven]

because the violence in the general population suggests a longer lifespan if there is a safe(er) place to sleep.


what is the color of happiness?

[venuspop]

Black. Look into my eyes.......

Do you like to sneeze?

[Gerard91]

Of course, I love to.

Why people are getting more and more objections when it comes to ideal society (food for everyone for free, every job payed well, free world trading, universal currency, etc.)???

[discontinuous]

A world without entropy is thermodynamically impossible, it would take infinite time.

Who is weiser than Bud?

[datagirl]

Penny

If April showers bring May flowers, what do May flowers bring?