I'm So Bored; Please Amuse Me - The Wrong Answer Game

[bladeserver]

Because i ran the red light. Oops.


Am I still nuts in all of the parallel universes?

[Synamon]

Of course not, you are as sane as I am. Bwahahahahhahhahahhaahahhahahahahhhahahahaahhahaha

How can anyone be "beside themselves"?

[hauteur]

Because the voices in my head have embodied themselves into physical form.

What is the true definition of supercalifragilsticexpialidocious?

[Synamon]

The true definition is love. :love:

Is California just a nickname for supercalifragilsticexpialidocious?

[bladeserver]

Yes and that is far to long for a State name. I have this device (evil laugh) and theory (insane evil laugh) that California would be better off floating aimlessly in the Pacific.

That isn't crazy is it?

[IgnoranceIsKind]

Of course not. California is actually a giant cruiser, but because it is so big, no one really notices. Good ol' captain Arnold sure knows how to keep a secret, eh?

My guitar's G-string just broke (no, really). Why isn't it weeping?

[Seppuku Savant]

It is weeping, on the inside. Oh dear, the insides.

Why don't people like green veggie smoothies more?

[lollardy2000]

Because salt water taffy tastes better pulled from the marshes surrounding the Forest of Darkness.

et tu, Brutus?

[JessicaHavenLea]

Non...Frere Jacque...et les chiens ...or something like that.

Does it really take two to tango?

[lollardy2000]

One may be the loneliest number, but if it is in Times New Roman, black would be the color of my true love's heart.

How many ESFPs does it take to screw in a light bulb?

[JessicaHavenLea]

None. They'll be too busy talking to notice that they're sitting in the dark.

Should INTJ's take over the world?

[Synamon]

They should not, but they could, if only they would.

What should I have for lunch?

[JessicaHavenLea]

Air. It's high in fiber low in fat.

What is JELLO really made of?

[Synamon]

Gelatin extracted from the bones of sheep. Yum. Gonna go make me some.


Why do we ask such silly questions?

[bladeserver]

Because the alternative is to look inside ourselves and contemplate the dark seething void (or is that just me?).

Can it really count?

[Synamon]

Nope it was all a hoax (To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 15 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.). :cowboy:


Do two wrongs make a right?

[emanon]

Only when Clever Hans is asked, "What is 2+2?" and on his first guess he answers -1 and on his second guess he answers -4.

What is 2+2?

[Synamon]

Well, this is a toughie, but the numeral 2 looks like a duck or a swan so I'd say 2+2 is a pair of ducks.

If two is a pair why do we need the word twins?

[bladeserver]

Conjoined pairs sound like an exotic fruit so they changed it to twins.

Is three really better?

[rewhu]

It depends. Three of what?

Three eyes - possibly useful but distracting and may interfere with your depth perception.
Three heads - would crowd the space above your shoulders.
Three arms - might make you eligible for the office of galatic president, but would result in costly tailoring bills.

Spock has such a sharp looking hairdo. Who is his barber?

[bladeserver]

Zaphod O'Toole.


Is the Ford prefect the ultimate in luxury transportation?

[JessicaHavenLea]

Absolutely. Screw Maybach.

What is the difference between hot and cold?

[Haphazard]

They're really the same. The effect they have on you is just placebo.

Why is rush hour three hours long?

[helium]

As everyone knows, you have to take a little time to rush things. If not, you can't properly qualify it as a "rush", since it will become just another meaningless adjective. That said, several highly qualified linguists and psychotherapists jumped in and decided that "rush" hour should not take merely an hour (or less, God forbid) but certainly not as many as four hours. Two hours naturally just seemed antagonistically contrived and therefore also useless. Thus, three hours.

Why bricks does a duck, it is when walking?

[JessicaHavenLea]

ummm...I guess that London Bridge would have to fall down for experts to properly answer that.

How loose is my goose?

[Seppuku Savant]

Not loose at all. It's been plucked, stuffed, and put on display.

Does the moon have feelings?

[Elfrun]

No silly, it's made of cheese and cheese does not have feelings. Jez! Did you go to school :suspicious:



What is the purpose of garden gnomes?

[bladeserver]

To make us look better.

What about that?

[JessicaHavenLea]

Everything about this.

what language is abracadra?

[rwyatt365]

"Abracadabra" is the mystical language of the magical people of Clownopia. They are actually wise thinkers with mystical knowledge of the beginning of time. Unfortunately, they are plagued with ridiculous apperance and extremely large feet which causes other people to laugh insanely at them. "Abracadarba" is roughly translated to, "I have the wisdom of the ages for you, but since you laughed at me I ain't gonna tell you."

Why did it rain last night?

[JessicaHavenLea]

Because my rain dance worked...in the wrong location.

What flavor is purple?

[faedra]

There was a breakout of cats and dogs from the local pound.

What exactly is the function of a rubber duck?

[Liason]

For ESTJ's to talk to when no one is near them.

Am I masochistic?

[Lupin]

Purple has the taste of pink marshmallows dipped in vinegar, lightly sauteed for that ulimate sweet and sour, slightly burnt flavour so difficult to get rid of once in the mouth that you need Ajax or something equally repellant and scouring to erase any residue.

A rubber duck is an innovative prophylactic developed by our Chinese friends (please see enclosed instruction leaflet entitled 'how to use your duck').

Why do I feel like Amy Winehouse but older and without the money?

[Liason]

I think your answer was a little late

[Lupin]

Probably Lia(i)son.

Is it really tenable to live in one country and work in another?

[rewhu]

No but it is fiveable.

Who would win in a free-style rap contest: Gilbert Gottfried or Howie Mandel?

[Liason]

neither, something would happen and some random idiot would run up and interrupt it(probably an SJ.

Am I masochistic?

[Lupin]

It's unlikely at your age but hang on in there coz there's oodles of time looking forward for you to develop mental instability and savage behaviours. Enjoy!

Are altruism and hedonism mutually exclusive?

[Liason]

No, but if you had a preacher and an ESTJ they would cover a lot of ground.

How old do you think I am?

[JessicaHavenLea]

Half as old as you believe your imaginary friend said you should be. Right?

What is the purpose of the platpus

[rwyatt365]

The purpose of the platypus is to answer the eternal question, "Why?"

Why?

[bladeserver]

Purpose of platypi.

To make me look attractive.


Why?

Actually it's spelled Wye and its a purty little river.


Do all Australians hang upside down like bats?

[Haphazard]

Because I said so in a game of simon says and never let them down.

Why do I say so?

[JessicaHavenLea]

You say "so" because you like the way it rolls off your tongue

Which way is Monday?

[rwyatt365]

3 blocks over, to the left. But watch out for the low bridge.

Am I right?

[Haphazard]

No, you're left.

Why did the dinosaurs die out?

[Liason]

I pissed god off. So he got a little angry. The next time it happened he decided to make it an ice age.

Why do fat people continue to go back to taco bell?

[Haphazard]

Magnetism. There's ground magnets in the beef that makes them attracted to the electromagnet in every Taco Bell kitchen.

Why do I have ten toes?

[Liason]

I cut off both your 6th ones you secret dwarf!

Who would win in a fight; a wolf or a bear?

[bladeserver]

It states somewhere in the constitution the bear would win. Something to do with Arms.

Can you spare me some alms?

[rewhu]

I can spare you some alms but only if you fit the following requirements. You must be:

-covered in filth / sores
-wretched
-wearing threadbare rags
-carrying all your belongs on your back

Do you meet these requirements?

[bladeserver]

I have a hump.

Does that help?

[Liason]

no. it just makes you look more empathy-starved and pathetic. or maybe it does in a weird way.

Has anyone else dreamed about ruling Hell if hell existed?

[Eth]

I already do.

Where's the plane?

[Beery Swine]

Oh, sorry, I broke it while shaving my bathroom door to try and stop it scraping against the frame.

What is pie?

[Liason]

Pie- a mix of sardine, Pat Robertson, and tom cruise in a delightful paste put on crackers. To be invented in 3050 when cloning becomes extremely successful with the alien invasion from 3010. They simply clone, grind, and spread on crackers.

Why do cats like me?

[JessicaHavenLea]

Because they don't know that you're a mouse working for the Alliance Against Felines.

Why am I under 5' tall?

[Beery Swine]

Because you ate from the wrong side of the mushroom, Alice (To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 15 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.).

Now, why exactly did I hit that "reply" button before I thought of a question so's I had to then hit the "edit" button?

[JessicaHavenLea]

Because you're an INTJ an it's your nature to be scatter brained. *high five*

How much does the universe weigh?

[IgnoranceIsKind]

Just about [6.63 x 10^-34] Litres.

What is Planck's constant?

[Fridays Child]

His irritating whine.


Where do escalator steps go?

[JessicaHavenLea]

To Purgatory.

Where do I live?

[ssrprotege]

Just beneath the Earth, you are working as Atlas's assistant. Atlas recently suffered from muscle dystrophy due to sclerosis, and now it's you who has to hold the Earth. Um, wait, what's the address again?

Is a doctor available for our poor Atlas?

[IgnoranceIsKind]

Of course not. Doctor's haven't been invented yet. We do, however, have painters with medicinal brushes.

Why are polar bears so cute?!

[ssrprotege]

They stimulate the polar molecules inside our body. Polarity increases - of course it's unavoidable that we are attracted to them!

Why are non-polar molecules necessary in our body?

[IgnoranceIsKind]

Two thousand years ago, Polar Bears were the most intelligent creatures on Earth. We were the first choice among other species to become their servants because we had nimble feet and had flexible mobility. In order for us to stay loyal to our polar-masters, they genetically modified our body to naturally produce polar-molecules, which forces us to abide by them. It also allows our stomach to digest cheese, which was inedible to the polar bears, but was growing in exceeding proportions. In time we grew smarter, and realised the cheese tasted horrible. In order to combat our gourmet depression, we invented non-polar molecules and injected them into our body. So yes, to prevent subjugations from our previous masters, and cheese, it is a must.

Why do polar bears not like eating cheese?

[rwyatt365]

Because of the natural concentration of non-polar molecules in cheese, polar bears cannot digest it due to the strong repulsive forces between the two.

Can polar bears eat Cheez Whiz?

[bladeserver]

They can and that noise you hear outside your window is a family of 4 hungry polar bears. Say hi.

What is wrong with me?. Can it be explained in one sentence?

[Elfrun]

The report will cost you $499 and yes it can be explained in one sentence :thumbsup:


Why do I continually post real wishes in the corrupt a wish thread when I know I'm only going to feel disappointed :(

[ssrprotege]

Because you unconsciously concede that you are really a masochist.

Is being sadistic ALWAYS bad?

[IgnoranceIsKind]

The truth about sadism is that it is NEVER bad, contrary to what others would have you believe. It is only bad when polar bears are involved. It gets worse if you include cheese.

Why do my parents love me so much?

[Seppuku Savant]

They were paid. Major millions.

Why is fruit so sweet?

[ssrprotege]

Zeus put all the fruits into ambrosia before throwing them off to the Earth for mundane human beings.

Was there any bureaucracy in Olympus?

[faedra]

No, there were only crazy chests-of-drawers.

What's the best excuse to get out of cleaning my room?

[IgnoranceIsKind]

They were paid. Major millions.


You sure know how to hurt a person :scared:

[rwyatt365]

What's the best excuse to get out of cleaning my room?
Bear and cheese. It works for me! :thumbsup:

Are ALL bears cheese-phobic?

[Synamon]

Nope, only polar bears. Other bears don't have the non-polar cheese thingie. Black bears love cheddar and grizzlies enjoy some cream cheese with their salmon.

Why am I craving cheese after reading this thread?

[IgnoranceIsKind]

*Gasp!* Your anti-polar molecules are becoming deficient! :scared:

You have just about 20 minutes before you fall back to your primitive origins of being subservient to the once mighty polar bears. I hope you enjoy cleaning caves.

Why is Pooh yellow? Is it because of all the honey, or the cheese IN the honey? (Sorry I had to mention something so rhetorical.. I mean hey, after all everyone knows honey is made from cheese)

[Lupin]

He's not yellow. He's honey-coloured, it seeps way into the epidermus and then you're stuck with it rather like a long-term sun tan. However, lick it and it tastes good enough to eat!

If Tigger was bigger and fatter than Rabbit would Rabbit's bad habit of bouncing at Tigger happen no longer if Tigger was bigger?

[Liason]

yes. tigger would just fall on rabbit and kill him.

would you jump off your roof onto a trampoline for 50$?

[rewhu]

For $50 I would do the following:

-breakdance in the office breakroom
-do The Worm to and from the fax machine
-jump from the roof of my truck onto the heads of my loathsome coworkers

No, wait. I'd do that last one for free.

Why isn't the fir tree covered in fur?

[Liason]

desperate poachers took them and tried to pass them off as mink to the coat companies.

Why am I such a corrupted person?(I'm 14)

[Beery Swine]

Because you listen to the Devil's music: big band jazz!!!

Why didn't my DVR record Venture Bros. like I damn well programmed it to?

[Elfrun]

Actually that stumped me too *high five* you little sicko ;D

Answer: You're broken.

Because you listen to the Devil's music: big band jazz!!!

Why didn't my DVR record Venture Bros. like I damn well programmed it to?

Your DVD recorder has it in for you and will systematically crush your soul.

How much would you pay to see rewhu jump from the roof of his truck onto the heads of his loathsome coworkers?

[ssrprotege]

$1 for that, and additional $1 million if he chooses to jump from the roof to the water present in Mars. Additionaal $1 billion for jumping into non-polar cheese polar bears will surely hate.

What's the difference between the airplane and the helicopter

Edit~ I am almost reaching the 666th post. The ssrprotege devil is about to emerge...warning to my recessive ego!

[JessicaHavenLea]

Airplanes are designated for those in the Air Force. Helicopters are for beat cops.

Do animals really like humans?

[Seppuku Savant]

Yes. Animals definitely have feelings. Particularly strong emotions to the species homo sapiens, whom they feel are their soulmates.

Why do people buy cars of flashy color?

[rwyatt365]

Because they ran out of disco-ball colored cars in the 70's.

Why wasn't Generation-X followed by Generation-Y?

[emanon]

It's their sub-conscious conscience trying to make them more conspicuous for police officers to catch them speeding.


Why wasn't Generation-X followed by Generation-Y?

I thought it was, but if it wasn't it was because the next generation was rebellious and refused to follow expectations.



Can I refuse to answer an audit question on the grounds that it is improperly worded?

[JessicaHavenLea]

Yes and you can also avoid prison based on the grounds that the toilets are not properly installed.

How can I turn over a new leaf?

[IgnoranceIsKind]

Oh, it's easy. Find schrodinger's cat. It'll cough up a new leaf for you.

Why did I have korean food for dinner today?

[emanon]

The subliminal messages of advertising got to you.

Why didn't Generation-W precede Generation-X?

[Synamon]

Because an upside down M comes before X silly, not a W.

Why was it called the Me Generation if I wasn't there?

[bladeserver]

Did you miss it?? I left a note.


How do you fold a map and retain sanity?

[rewhu]

I'll demonstrate:

*carefully holds map by top two corners*
*places middle of map under chin*
*slowly folds map in half making sure corners line up*
*crumbles map into a ball*

There.

Why does bladeserver think he's safe in the Anti Huggles thread just because deadgod isn't there anymore?

[bladeserver]

Because Bladeserver is delusional and imagines, incorrectly, that he has superhuman powers.

Why can't we all get along?

[kevintr]

I wish we could, it's sutch a bother when someone fights back when I try to eat them.

Why does my puppy eat my wifes clothes and my books instead of the other way around?

[Seppuku Savant]

You sure know how to hurt a person :scared:

*pats head* Just kidding. I'd never mess with the amazingawesomecooltastic that is your hair.





Seppuku Savant added to this post, 1 minutes and 5 seconds later...

I wish we could, it's sutch a bother when someone fights back when I try to eat them.

Why does my puppy eat my wifes clothes and my books instead of the other way around?

You didn't know? Your wife does indeed eat your books and cooks her clothes for your dinner. Tasty.

Why is Pluto now 134340?

[Synamon]

Well Mickey Mouse decided to change his name of course. 134340 is catchy don't you think? Here 134340, sit 134340. So cute.

Why do dogs shed?

[Beery Swine]

Because it would take too long for them to barn or garage.

Why can't healthy food taste good?

[Elfrun]

Ronald Mcdonald won't allow it.



Why are most things cuter when they are sleeping?

[Synamon]

Because humans evolved without the healthy food taste bud, our tongues are to blame.

Does an apple a day keep the doctor away?



Why are most things cuter when they are sleeping?

edit: Things are cuter when sleeping so we don't kill them in their sleep.

[Liason]

Not if they see you with an apple. It has a maddening effect on all doctors and if they see you with one they proceed to tackle you and make sexual advances on you(regardless of gender)

Why must I tolerate(tolerate=not kill) stupid people when they insist that they are right after I have proven them wrong with logic?

[faedra]

Because they, too, have to tolerate your insistence that you are right after they've debunked your logic with pumpkin pies.

Would you pass the pepper?

[Liason]

No. quite frankly people should stop using it. Especially on fried stuff. They already soaked it in grease and boiled it in fatty acids.

How much more do people have to do to food to make it less edible with maximum popularity?

[faedra]

They could meddle around with their genes, feed them chemicals to blow them up to massive sizes, and paint them in psychedelic colours, preferably with carcinogenic paint.

…oh wait, you mean they’re already doing that?

Any other things I should know about?

[Beery Swine]

Yeah, that growth on your foot is more serious than you think. I'm pretty sure it's the "C" word: corn.

When do you think I'll be able to do whatever a spider can?

[bladeserver]

I have consulted with all the professors and, frankly, you are the dumbest student we have ever had in spider school. Your web designs suck, you haven't managed the spider shuffle and you are just terrible at surprising people and making then scream.

We all agree that IF you graduate it won't be for at least 6 years IF you apply yourself.

Is Aussie rules football a real game?

[Elfrun]

It is the only game <insert bawdy St Kilda footy chant here>



Is Blade collecting information on Oz because he plans to invade one day?

[bladeserver]

Blade has just been invaded for a month by all his Melbourne Collingwood crazed family and yes invasion is in the offing.


Can you name an Oxbridge college beginning with a T?

[Elfrun]

Blade has just been invaded for a month by all his Melbourne Collingwood crazed family and yes invasion is in the offing.

Oooh Noooos Not Colliewobbles fans... sending my deepest sympathies your way :(


Can you name an Oxbridge college beginning with a T?

No, there is no such thing, it's simply a misspelling of Oxford, people have been confused about this for years, it all started as an initiation hoax.



What possesses successful, wealthy musicians to sell the rights of one of their songs to a tacky commercial?

[JessicaHavenLea]

The biblical demon called "Legion"... It's his/their fault.

Why does music suck these days?

[IgnoranceIsKind]

All music artists are members of this grand scheme to worsen living standards initiated by the Dark Order. The conspiracy is to make music a whole lot worse than before, resulting in social unrest, a rise in criminal activities and diarrhoea.

Why did I take such a long time to come up with a question?

[Synamon]

To make me wait, *tapping my foot*.

What's love got to do with it?

[bladeserver]

Absolutely nothing. It's pheromones.


Is it all over now?

[Seppuku Savant]

No. It's going to go on and on, for all time.

Do bananas like oranges?

[Beery Swine]

Yes, but only from behind and if they were bags over their faces. In banana culture it's shameful to even be seen with an orange.

Are Amon Amarth real vikings?

[bladeserver]

Yes. In fact Tumba is the last remaining stronghold of the Vikings as the Swedes, in recent years, have become quite squeamish about pillaging etc.

Why did Lord Sutch scream?

[Fridays Child]

Because the Monster Whispering Loony Party was too easily confused with the Conservatives.

Why does cream rise to the top?

[Lupin]

Because detritus comes from dairy cows.

Why worry?

[ssrprotege]

Because everything doesn't seem chaotic enough.

Why chaos?

[bladeserver]

Well all these very smart people came up with a theory and then had to manipulate the world to make it fit their theory. Evil huh!

Why is a clown following me?

[Liason]

you're wearing clown musk.

why are we INTJ's so witty and intelligent, yet so unbelievably unable to charm other people?

[ssrprotege]

Because we look so crystal clear and definite like integers (INTJers?)

What is the difference between the INTJ and the INTP? Give your creative, intuitive response.

[JessicaHavenLea]

INTJs prefer the look of "J" on paper. That's it.

Why do co-workers share personal information?

[Beery Swine]

Because their parents never told them never talk to strangers.

Why do women have boobs?

[JessicaHavenLea]

They act as weights to keep the wind from blowing us away. Duh.

Why do men have balls?

[ssrprotege]

Men have great passion for tennis. :thumbsup:

Why do snakes bite?

[JessicaHavenLea]

To test out there dentures. They never get the right size. If someone would make them right, snakes wouldn't bite anymore.

Why does frozen yogurt taste like ice cream

[faedra]

Because they're made from the same things - blended cardboard, ceiling dust, and other things you don't want to know.

Why does it always taste so bitter around an apple core?

[bladeserver]

It doesn't. You might want to check with the people you live with to see who is most angry with you.

What was Dr. Crippen thinking?

[Fridays Child]

He was wondering how to fill his time until the INTJ forum was invented.

Why are my feet cold?

[curiousjane]

-.. .- -- -. / - .... .- - / -- .. ... - . .-. / -- --- .-. ... . .-.-.-

(translate here: To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 15 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.)

So, what's it to you?


EDIT: the above was about Dr. Crippen. The below is about feet ...

Because I have this doll, and I put its feet in a glass of ice water ... how ya doin?

[Fridays Child]

Better than Dr Crippen.

How far west do you have to go before it becomes The East?

[bladeserver]

so whats it to me?

I have too many brides and not enough baths.

How ya doing?

Chuckling. But thats the correct answer which is, by definition, the wrong answer.


Get off at West ham which is definitely in the east.


Mission accomplished?

[kevintr]

Yes. I have now taken over the world by controlling everyone's thoughts.

THIS IS A TEST. What are you thinking now?

[Ranie9]

Conjunction junction, what's your function?
I am stuck on bandaids, 'cos bandaids stuck on me..
And up in the nursery and absurd little bird is popping out to say "cuckoo"...

THAT'S what I'm thinking. How do I make it stop?

Oh, you want a real question? Will roaches someday take over the world?

[kevintr]

Someday is now, I am a roach, my low intelligence explanes why you are having these inane thoughts.

What should I do with the world?

[Seppuku Savant]

Someday is now, I am a roach, my low intelligence explanes why you are having these inane thoughts.

What should I do with the world?

Loop string on it, then place it on your Christmas tree.

Are hybrid cars worth it?

[curiousjane]

Nope. Because of genetics, they can't breed and produce more hybrid cars.

Would you fire your boss?

[Lupin]

No. Bosses rarely ever get sacked. Rather, they get promoted......sideways :).

Back at Hampstead Heath, are the ponds now really clean enough to swim in without contracting Hepatitis?

[Fridays Child]

Yes, and they were delighted by your application as pond scum tester. Don't thank me...I was glad to help.

Why are people never satisfied?

[Liason]

because we have a need to question corrupted authority. Now shut up maggot!*pokes your back with the head of a rifle* strictly government buisness. Get over there!:shout:

What is the meaning of the almighty taco?:sombrero:

[curiousjane]

To answer the question: You Gotta Problem With That? with "What's your Beef?"

What if I'm wrong?

[bladeserver]

You are never wrong.


how did i do that?

[JessicaHavenLea]

You didn't. The elves who helped the shoemaker did.

Does it snow in hell?

[bladeserver]

I can categorically say It doesn't.


What in the world was I thinking?

[Liason]

bubbles. lots and lots of bubbles.

Why are vegans so weird? I mean, I'm vegetarian, but vegans are weird to me.

[Fridays Child]

A shortage of etari leads to madness.

Why can't I sleep?

[Liason]

because I sent my subordinate to keep you up. He's tapping on your window with annoying repetivity as we speak. Not to mention if you open the window he will begin talking. He is an ESFP

what's the length of a proper stele?

[Fridays Child]

About 3 1/2 hours.


Why do birds suddenly appear?

[bladeserver]

I meant to tell you. Umm how can I say this in a way that is positive?. The point is, well, it's your hair. OK I've said it. Birds need freaking nest material and anyone wearing a beehive hairdo, in my opinion, is fair game.

Can you dig to Australia?

[Fridays Child]

Hum a few bars and I'll let you know.

Why does nothing rhyme with orange?

[bladeserver]

For the same reason nothing rhymes with silver. To drive us completely stark, raving bonkers.

How should i proceed?

[Fridays Child]

One if by land, two if by sea.

Why now?

[curiousjane]

Because it's not later.

Shouldn't he have called by now?

[Elfrun]

Yes but he's been kidnapped by Afghan rebels.



Should we rescue him?

[curiousjane]

No. Let him rot. I don't care about him at all. I never want to see him again. (This IS the wrong answer game! And yet ... I feel awful even typing that about him!)

Can two sporks mate and create sporklings? Or are they like the hybrid cars, and are sterile?

[Arcani]

No, it's a trap!

Can one sail the desert?

EDIT: Unfortunately no, spork-spork relationships are never fertile. On the other hand, spork-hybrid car relationships have been none to result in the legendary hybrid spork!

Same question.

[faedra]

That depends. Cakes and cookies might be a bit tough, but if one's small enough one could sail in a bowl of melted icecream, I guess.

Can one trek across the ocean?

[IgnoranceIsKind]

With tennis rackets, anything is possible these days.

Will I ever finish my history assignment?

[Elfrun]

No, stop living in the past!



Why did CJ try to cut my eyes out? Does she hate me? :cry:

[bladeserver]

Well thats what she said in her pm to me but who really knows? Maybe not hate, maybe extreme dislike ?


Could someone help me?

[Fridays Child]

I could help you out...but then you couldn't get back in again.

Why do aardvarks exist?

[bladeserver]

To keep bbaboons and ccougars ccompany.

Can someone explain life to me please?

[IgnoranceIsKind]

Life is really just about books and pineapples. Since you're already living in a pineapple, as referred to your wish I corrupted, all you need now are books and you will be complete :)

Why do i feel so strange now?

[Fridays Child]

That would be me, but I'm laughing too hard to be understood. Sorry, you missed it.

(Edit: that was in response to "To keep bbaboons and ccougars ccompany.

Can someone explain life to me please?")


Red or black?

[IgnoranceIsKind]

Silly question. Wheat, of course.

Grass or grain?

[Fridays Child]

Neither. It's purely for decoration. Which explains why you're feeling so strange now. The loo is down the hall, on the right.

Why did I answer that phone?

[bladeserver]

Well thats a really excellent question as it wasn't your bloody phone. Now you have to learn Serbian to convey the message to the dry cleaner. (The moral here is always keep your hands to yourself when in the dry cleaners.)

Should i dye my hair blue/

[Fridays Child]

Sure! Although your colour-blindness will result in a shade of extremely fetching pink, no matter which blue you choose.

Why should I care?

[iceberg]

You should care because the square root of pink is blue and blue is a prime hair color.

Why are there no coupons for chloroform in the Sunday circulars?

[Fridays Child]

Because I got up early and nicked the lot.

What am I going to do with all this surplus chloroform?

[iceberg]

Go into women's fragrances and sell to Bath and Body works.

Why are stupid people so outspoken?

[le Duc]

'Cause it's so easy to pour from an empty barrel (oops... not a wrong answer).

So why are smart people inspoken?

[bladeserver]

We like to talk softly but carry a big hick (Mine is called Jim-Bob)

Why do I love Farrokh Bulsara?

[Fridays Child]

Because we are the champions. Of the world.


Why can't we all just get along?

[le Duc]

'Cause we're tall, not long.

Why does it have to be Monday?

[rewhu]

It doesn't have to be. I know a guy who knows a guy who owes me a favor. For $100 he'll hit you in the back of the head with a Louisville Slugger. When you wake up it'll be Thursday or Friday.

Has Bryan Adams ever really, really, really ever loved a woman?

[iceberg]

Of course he has mother dont he?

How do you join the mile high club?

[le Duc]

Like any club, pay your dues.

What is this world coming from?

[Fridays Child]

The left. Duck.

Why do I crave lobster thermador?

[bladeserver]

I should think that is obvious.

Is lobster the breakfast of champions?

[Fridays Child]

No. On Tuesdays we have Weetabix.

Do penguins moult?

[bladeserver]

No. And it definitely doesn't happen between February and March.


Can I possibly be a Green street hooligan?

[Fridays Child]

Once again, it'll turn out pink. But...sure!

Will there be damage?

[Seppuku Savant]

No. Damage doesn't exist.

What is that?

[Beery Swine]

That is a mock turtleneck. Disgusting piece of clothing, if you ask me.

Why does TV suck donkey balls?

[Synamon]

Because there were no prairie oysters available.

Why am I here?

[bladeserver]

Because Canada is a very lonely place.

Why am I here?

[ssrprotege]

Because you are an attorney.

Will you believe me if I say there was a water residue in the Moon?

[IgnoranceIsKind]

Hardly. The moon is made of cheese, and cheese is water-absorbant. As in, the cheese drinks the water when its thirsty from all that orbiting.

Why do I have so much work! Argh!

[Mariko]

You simply have a avoidance problem with free time and you despise vacations so much that you were voted as work's most favorite friend, so you spend lots of time with your best friend who annoys you most of the time, comes over uninvited and hangs out till the wee hours of night keeping you up with it's problems.

Why am still getting zits at 30?

[JessicaHavenLea]

You're still going through puberty. You're a late bloomer of course.

Why is chocolate so good?

[faedra]

Because it contains zucchini.

Why is zucchini so good?

[rwyatt365]

Zuchini is good because it contains massive amounts of dopamine which causes human beings to explode in an ecstasy of orgasmic release.

Are chocolate zuchinis better?

[le Duc]

Possibly, although they do not exist.

What about chocolate zucchinis?

[Fridays Child]

Chocolate zucchinis are nothing compared to chocolate courgettes. Plus, you never have to fret over a surplus of consonants.

Why did we invent the its/it's trap?

[le Duc]

We didnt. Its an ST thing. (A ts thing? an its thing...) Whatever.

What is the appropriate response to a lame attempt at humor?

[Synamon]

Oh how long do you have? I could go on and on about chocolate zucchinis for hours and hour and pages and pages. Let's see, where to start, well, chocolate zucchinis were invented in Switzerland around the year 1952. There is some controversy about which chocolatier molded the first one, Lindt or Tobler. There was a short and very intense battle over which one had the biggest one, the firmest one, the most succulent, you get my drift. Demand was strong as the public clamored for this new treat. Until it all went terribly wrong and they switched production to chocolate covered nuts.

Is it ok to have chocolate for breakfast?

edit: the correct response is to tell someone to their face that their humor is lame, honesty is the best policy

[Seppuku Savant]

Yes. Also for lunch and dinner. In fact, forget the other food groups! Chocolate should be the only food consumed, ever.

Why does broccoli look like little trees?

[IgnoranceIsKind]

While we have rainforests, broccoli serves as a proxy in place of those large, looming trees for little elves. They are having a problem with deforestation too, you know.

Why should anti-environmentalists be shot in the toe?

[le Duc]

I'm quite happy with the elimination of -isms, and thus -ists. Let's just discuss things without staking out everything into a huge doctrine.

Am I the only one who types a question three times before hitting on the right one to post?

[bladeserver]

Because a bullet in their dark, dark hearts would have no effect?


Tooo slow aaaarrrrrggh

Am I the only one who types a question three times before hitting on the right one to post?
Yes. Feel better now?


Why do people blather on about chocolate?

[Fridays Child]

MMMM, chocolate blathers.....

Sorry, what was the question?

[Synamon]

Yes, the rest of us all have a lits of 100 questions prepared in advance to use in this thread.

Damn, where did I put my list?

[le Duc]

Oh, I got it!

Why is this list written backwards?

[bladeserver]

I'm not sure it's backwards. More of a list to starboard.


Anyway about chocolate. What's the deal?

[rwyatt365]

Ace of clubs, 4 of diamonds and a 2 of spades.

Should I stay, or hit?

[le Duc]

One for the price of two. At least if you're buying from me.

Why would anyone mention chocolate and zucchini (or courgettes ~ thanks Fridays!) in the same conversation?

dang! You should sit. I repeat my question.





le Duc added to this post, 439 minutes and 36 seconds later...

Wow... I become a rookie thread killer?

[faedra]

answer: Why not?

question: Why not?

[ssrprotege]

Sarcastically say: "Hahaha! That was so funny that even the most stern Hades will laugh with his a** off, causing earthquake in the Underworld."

Is "ladder" a comparative form of the adjective "lad"?

[Fridays Child]

Only in Scotland. But then, they invented the deep fried Mars Bar.

When will I be free?

[Liason]

Never insignificant worm. Stay chained to the floor the the useless creature you are! *pokes you*

Why can't I make my parents more intelligent?

[Beery Swine]

Because someone has placed a +3 magic spell on your efforts.

Where do babies come from?

[Fridays Child]

Because, contrary to judicial law, ignorance really IS an excellent defence.

When will the worm turn?





ACK! too slow. We really do need that "MINE!" button....

[Synamon]

Ok let's fix this... babies come from storks and the worm will turn at the stroke of midnight.

Why don't we have a MINE button?

[bladeserver]

We DO and this one is MINE (Maybe I'm the only one that has the button?).


I'm going to London today. Is it really big or is that just a myth??

[rewhu]

Depends on which London you're referring to. London Above is probably about the size of Ohio, decent but not overwhelmingly large. London Below, however, is quite massive and since some of it shifts it's location moment to moment, there's really no telling where it's borders lie.

What's the deal with airplane food?

[rwyatt365]

Airplane food it the highest form of culinary art. The human taste receptors are, however, unable to interpret the subtelties that line therein so, it all tastes like cardboard mush.

Why did I eat a hostess cupcake for breakfast?

[ssrprotege]

Airplane food it the highest form of culinary art. The human taste receptors are, however, unable to interpret the subtelties that line therein so, it all tastes like cardboard mush.


My god, that was so hilarious! :laugh:

I will ask others to answer Mr. Wyatt's question due to my lack of wit.

[le Duc]

Apparently, because you weren't on an airplane and had no access to the "real stuff."

What gives?

[Synamon]

Bladeserver, he's giving up 5 hours today, anyone want them?

Should I or shouldn't I?

[le Duc]

You shouldn't. If you did, you'd have to hunt, as his exact words were that he was losing them, not giving them.

So, where do lost hours go?

[Synamon]

To the time fairies. They take care of them and raise them to be contributing members of the time continuum.

Why is Wednesday called 'hump day'?

[Wapiti]

Because Tuesday is the day that the one hump camels are put to rest and so on Wednesday the two humpers are brought out.

If camels were made of chocolate, would they float?

[le Duc]

Sure, just add ice cream and root beer... okay, nevermind.

Why do we always delve into chocolate right before lunch?

[Seppuku Savant]

Chocolate is an appetite suppressant and also a stimulant to keep you going for the rest of your day. It's nice for maintaining a slim figure.

Why is the world round?

[faedra]

So you can't push people off the edge of it, unfortunately.

Why are stars not star-shaped?

[JessicaHavenLea]

They are. Get some bifocals.

Why are my blueberries purple?

[faedra]

Because my purpleberries are blue, hey!

What's the real difference between stumbling blocks and stepping stones?

[bladeserver]

about 2 1/2 inches.


I wonder why stuff happens?

[faedra]

Because of a butterfly flapping its wings in South Africa.

But to get pedantic about it, that's not really a question :p

How Much Land Does A Man Need?

[bladeserver]

about 2 1/2 inches.

If something were to happen, hypothetically, I wonder what would be the proximate cause for said thing happening? Or something like that.

[le Duc]

The cause would be effective, definitively.

Do clouds float or hover?

[Kuroyue]

Neither. They run you over.

When is the sky going to fall?

[Fridays Child]

October 17, 2009.

Why do you ask?

[bladeserver]

I have West Ham season tickets. Thank goodness that money isn't wasted.


Why does the wind sing my name?

[rwyatt365]

Because it forgot the lyrics.

How many licks does it really take to get to the center of a tootsie-roll pop?

[Kuroyue]

One, if you're doing it right.

When is it a bad time to procrastinate?

[Fridays Child]

Never. Unless...

Can I ever leave here?

[le Duc]

<maniacal laugh>

Where is here?

[iceberg]

It is upside-down. You're looking at it wrong.

How did King Tut die?

King tut died in a terrible drunk driving accident killing himself and his passengers Big Bird and the Chairman Mao.

Why do Catholics idolize the virgin Mary?

[rewhu]

Because she was the original winner of the popular TV show Old Testament Idol, in which contestants had to show their skills in the following categories: modern jazz dance, tap, acapella singing, righteousness and virginity. She swept two years in a row.

Na na na na, hey hey hey, goodbye?

[rwyatt365]

The answer is obviously wop bop a loo-bop - everyone knows that!

But, is a rama-lama ding-dong?

[rewhu]

Rama will definitely ding dong, but only if it is accompanied by a Shoop, which should then ba shoop.

Should we change rwyatt's name to Mr. Bass Man?


"Mr. Bass Man, you've got that certain somethin'
Mr. Bass Man, you set that music thumpin'
To you it's easy when you go 1-2-3, d-d-b-bop-a-bop."

"(Bass voice) You mean b-b-BOP-p-p-bop bop bop?"

[Synamon]

Yes and we can all call him Mr. Man for short.

Why do song lyrics get stuck in my head?

[le Duc]

No place to get out? ;)

Is it time to go home yet?

[Wapiti]

The answer lies within the truth that is yet to come, that which we all await eagerly. Yet we all yearn to be home, we all know that we must wait the wait set before us and may not proceed further until the atonement has been made. Go home you will, never to return. Go home......

Do chocolate rama-lama ding-dongs have creamy filling?