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CanrHoldLimes
09-25-2010, 11:43 PM
Martha Stewart's baked bread.

How quickly can the average person run?

WoodsWoman
09-25-2010, 11:47 PM
In a trice.

What is treacle?

jinx31
09-25-2010, 11:51 PM
That's the secret energy source that keeps the USS Enterprise from bumping into planets while traveling at warp speed.

How do they get the bubbles into Coke?

WoodsWoman
09-25-2010, 11:54 PM
By force feeding TUMs to mice.

Where do the antelope roam?

jinx31
09-26-2010, 12:23 AM
There have been reports of wild antelope roaming through the Black Friday sales at the mall. They were spotted lining up at the doors at 3am.

When will the world end?

WoodsWoman
09-26-2010, 10:42 AM
It already has.

What's the best bargain for a moose?

GenessorDios
09-26-2010, 11:13 AM
I'll give you two million bucks, and not a penny more! Okay, five million. No more! Alright, seventeen million, god!

Does anyone have Bill Gates' number?

reiven
09-26-2010, 11:18 AM
yes, he will die in a car wreck in 2016.

why do good things happen to bad people?

GenessorDios
09-26-2010, 11:23 AM
Because, fuck you, that's why.

Did anyone else just see that??

Slowandeasy1
09-26-2010, 11:24 AM
Because bad things happen to good people. It is what makes the world go round - for every action there is an equal and opposite reaction.

Why do people get bored?

reiven
09-26-2010, 11:25 AM
yes. he left a hundred dollar bill on the windshield with a phone number in case that doesn't cover the damage.

do trees feel pain?

GenessorDios
09-26-2010, 11:26 AM
Not enough murder in the world. That's why I try to help as much as I can on the weekends.

Is my hat on straight?

Edit: Three snakes in a row, can we get Guinness on the phone?

reiven
09-26-2010, 11:29 AM
yes. your hat is perfect.

what is the difference between salt and sugar?

GenessorDios
09-26-2010, 11:39 AM
They're chemically the same, but the mood of the Nitrogen atom affects which form it takes. Salt shakers are lined on the interior with emo poetry, while sugar containers have songs by Barney piped through at an infinitesimally low level.

Can a brown bag ever hope to turn blue?

reiven
09-26-2010, 11:49 AM
yes! there is a magic pool outside the walls of a middle eastern city. if the bag can be the first one placed into the waters after they mysteriously swirl, any color is possible.

why can't plastic trash go down the garbage disposal?

GenessorDios
09-26-2010, 12:01 PM
Throw a little alcohol down there first, wait half an hour and try again. I heard that reduces inhibitions.

What happens when airplanes get airsick?

reiven
09-26-2010, 12:05 PM
they are professionals, you would never know there's a problem.

why are smileys yellow?

GenessorDios
09-26-2010, 12:07 PM
They're big fans of Matt Groening.

What happens if I get a system shock?

reiven
09-26-2010, 12:27 PM
you should add wax to all orifices and allow the bleach to permeate. you will be glad you did.

why does ice get bigger than the water it came from?

GenessorDios
09-26-2010, 12:34 PM
It doesn't, it just gets closer to your face. You should take off that ice magnet before visiting Antarctica.

Are there more women with short hair or long hair?

reiven
09-26-2010, 02:34 PM
most of the hair on most women is short, so long is clearly the right answer.


why does the ring announcer think he's so important?

Gerard91
09-26-2010, 02:53 PM
That's because he accidentally dropped his brain while taking shower.

Why is it so cold here?

Sazeriel
09-26-2010, 05:40 PM
The heat doesn't like you.

Where did all of the dragons go?

Taste of peat
09-26-2010, 06:24 PM
Some of them went to the Moon, more went to Mars.

Why did old rockers use harmonica sometimes ?

GenessorDios
09-26-2010, 08:32 PM
They had too much spit and wanted a hygienic way to collect it all.

How dd rock and roll get its name?

jinx31
09-27-2010, 07:48 AM
After a long debate, and consulting the "Baby Name Voyager" website, it's parents settled on Rock and Roll.

Why did dinosaurs go extinct?

GenessorDios
09-27-2010, 12:14 PM
They never went extinct, they just learned how to turn invisible. You think all those earthquakes and tidal waves happen on their own? You fool! Everyone knows drunk, imbalanced dinosaurs are the root causes of natural disasters.

Is it unethical to choose scratching your arm over pressing a button to save a kitten from an incinerator?

RedOrange823
09-27-2010, 01:10 PM
Of course not, it's only unethical when there's a dog involved.

How do you go about robbing a bank?

jinx31
09-27-2010, 01:31 PM
Its not worth the years of therapy and PTSD episodes the bank will experience.

Why are jack-o-lanterns the official symbol of halloween?

WoodsWoman
09-27-2010, 07:43 PM
Because the politicians didn't want them.

Why are kitten claws sharper than cat claws?

Taste of peat
09-27-2010, 08:38 PM
Because kittens look more like wolves.

Why is Dexter (from the series Dexter) a serial-killer ?

GenessorDios
09-27-2010, 08:40 PM
He was brought up by kittens.

How do you kitten a cat?

jinx31
09-27-2010, 08:57 PM
Olive oil, diced onion, chopped garlic, and BAM with a little Essence from Emeril (tm).

Why do people hate snow?

Taste of peat
09-27-2010, 09:00 PM
Because they don't know the pleasure of skying.

Hey, this is a true answer, so here's a wrong one : because snow is still too hot for them.

How do you kill a vampire ?

aok
09-27-2010, 10:19 PM
Make more dumb movies about vampires sucking.


How do you kill a blob?

GenessorDios
09-28-2010, 01:07 AM
Why do you want to commit suicide? Anyway, just withhold all potato chips for about an hour; that should do the trick.

Should the Internet be completely free?

jinx31
09-29-2010, 12:39 AM
Probably not - if it were given it's freedom suddenly, it would probably start drinking, doing drugs and having wild sex. Next thing you know it would be having a kid and dropping out of college. May need a little more structure in its life.

Will anyone vote in the November elections this year?

GenessorDios
09-29-2010, 06:56 AM
Of course. American Idol is vital to the country's prosperity.

How do you win a spitball duel?

reiven
09-29-2010, 07:10 AM
it is based on points. anything that sticks is 10 points. anything hitting the head and neck, add 7 points. anything that passes into an orifice (including eye sockets) is an automatic 30 point bonus. to certify the win, the points must be totalled by someone from honduras.

where do they get the scents for air fresheners?

GenessorDios
09-29-2010, 09:21 AM
Funnily enough, it turns out chemistry is pretty literal. If a scientist arranges elements of phosphorus, aluminium, meitnerium, rhenium and einsteinium in a row, they get a commonly-used aroma.

What will happen on 10/10/10?

Cooper
09-29-2010, 12:36 PM
10 babies will be born with 10 toes.

What wil happen on 12/12/12?

aok
09-29-2010, 09:09 PM
People will predict a later date for the apocalypse.

What do the Mayans know that current civilization is unaware of?

Synchronicity
09-29-2010, 10:16 PM
Rectal probing of abducted humans by space aliens is painfully real.

Why does chocolate make you fat?

RedOrange823
09-29-2010, 11:23 PM
Well, it only makes you fat when you smoke it through your pipe, Synch...

Which god invented peanut butter?

Lenavis
09-30-2010, 01:58 AM
none, peanut butter needs no god to create it for its very nature is divinity.

how much wood would a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood?

Cooper
09-30-2010, 06:11 AM
None. He'd buy it.

What should I do?

Minerva
09-30-2010, 09:07 AM
Go jump in a lake.

What lake should Coop use?

GenessorDios
09-30-2010, 08:28 PM
Why go to a lake when you can have a lake come to you? Just spend all your life savings to remove lake water and fill your house. Makes for a much more enjoyable vacation.

How does a gun work?

reiven
09-30-2010, 08:38 PM
before 1977:
one would load corn meal into the breach, stuff 2 cc of moist towelette down the barrel, and then put a moderately sized white grape in the tip. the gun is then fired by striking the but against a solid surface (go ahead and try using your shoulder like the do in the movies, ha.)

post 1977:
cornmeal was banned for use in firearms, but plain white flour was allowed. effective range was reduced to about 36 inches, but the guns are much more safe for use against hapless burglars

what's in peanut butter?

Taste of peat
09-30-2010, 08:53 PM
Bananas, salt, garlic.
NOT peanut.

Why did I just receive another student school certificate instead of mine ?

RedOrange823
09-30-2010, 08:55 PM
your parents lied to you about your real name

why haven't i started my homework yet?

Taste of peat
09-30-2010, 08:58 PM
Because homeworks can solve themselves alone. Just wait and see.

Why are the handkerchiefs white ?

GenessorDios
09-30-2010, 09:24 PM
You drowned them all in bleach, you sick bastard! What did they ever do to you?!

What's your address so I can come and kill you?

RedOrange823
09-30-2010, 09:25 PM
I live on Seasame Street and my real name is Big Bird :)

Who decided that a bunch of creepy puppets was good child entertainment?

GenessorDios
10-01-2010, 02:41 AM
Hey, they need to learn about proctology eventually.

How come everything bad that happens is always someone else's fault?

RedOrange823
10-01-2010, 03:49 AM
It's not. It's yours.

Who decides it's good neighbourhood-ly practice to blast music at 2am?

reiven
10-01-2010, 06:36 AM
and you thought the plebiscite was a good idea. if you are gonna put things to a vote, be prepared to hear music you don't like.
we are voting on your wardrobe in the morning...you may want to have options.

what is different about sea salt?

MortalWombat
10-01-2010, 08:26 AM
The content level of jellyfish and sand, etc

Is it cold outside?

reiven
10-01-2010, 08:39 AM
no! there is no cold anymore. if we aren't sweating, we aren't living.


what is the pompitous of love?

jinx31
10-01-2010, 11:07 AM
It involves some red jello, a leather whip, and.. oh, someday you'll find out.

What is SPAM really made of?

RedOrange823
10-01-2010, 12:16 PM
super-powered american moo-cows

Are smoking and drinking really bad for you?

Gerard91
10-01-2010, 12:34 PM
Fishing is not my sport.

Do you like French fries?

RedOrange823
10-01-2010, 12:39 PM
Are you serious? I would never be an advocate for burning the French at a stake! What civilization are you from, to come up with such an absurd question?

When does free speech go too far?

Taste of peat
10-01-2010, 04:03 PM
When you dare to say anything against eating ten bananas a day.

Why do I still have a ventilator on my desk when it's 15C outside ?

reiven
10-01-2010, 07:31 PM
it's not for you, stoopid. you work in the ER.


what is the secret ingredient in those magic beans jack bought?

mountain
10-01-2010, 07:51 PM
Reverse-engineered giant farts.

Why does water form a crystal lattice structure when frozen?

reiven
10-01-2010, 08:35 PM
because nothing is random, the fates control every aspect of everything. since they are eternal, the one that invented ice got to set up it's properties. she was an engineer by trade and had a thing for fractals.

i ran that through snopes, and it held up

what is the difference between different women?

jinx31
10-01-2010, 11:45 PM
Difference is in the eye of the beholder - but some things are better off left unsaid. You could very easily get smacked pointing those differences out. (oh wait, I was supposed to give a wrong answer.. oops)

In a war between Canada and the US, who would win?

mountain
10-02-2010, 12:18 AM
Alaska, because the citizens of Alaska can see Russia. Alaska would secede and achieve world domination.


What is avogadro's constant good for?

jinx31
10-02-2010, 12:26 AM
Best guacamole in town.

Do ghosts exist?

pottersjar
10-02-2010, 01:03 AM
Of course Ghosts exit; they never stay in any place too long. Duh.


When was the War of 1812 fought?

jonnyb
10-02-2010, 01:31 AM
It was never fought. The most it amounted to was which sides' representative passed out first drinking Jell-O shots.

Why is concrete sold by cubic yards but mixed by tonage?

pottersjar
10-02-2010, 01:39 AM
Because a cubic ton was considered too large to fit into a standard shopping cart.


Why do we call flies flies but we don't call ants walks?

mountain
10-02-2010, 02:31 AM
It's a simple question of weight ratios! A five ounce fly could not carry a one pound coconut. Listen. In order to maintain air-speed velocity, a fly needs to beat its wings forty-three times every second, right? So where does that leave the ant? Exactly!


Why do eyes change color?

RedOrange823
10-02-2010, 03:42 AM
Liken them to mood rings and I think you'll find your answer

What is the difference between sweet and sour?

jonnyb
10-02-2010, 03:48 AM
Everything except the cream.

When did camels loose all their toes?

pottersjar
10-02-2010, 10:17 AM
When they had to start wearing those little Geisha shoes.


Tell me, tell me, who? Who wrote the book of love?

reiven
10-02-2010, 12:25 PM
tempered plate glass. before the tempering process was devised, there was barely a difference and most people didn't notice.


why do bananas turn brown?

aok
10-02-2010, 03:25 PM
Because monkeys like them, monkeys are brown.


Why do people talk?

thunder999
10-02-2010, 06:51 PM
because sign language is hard to learn

What is the internet?

pottersjar
10-02-2010, 09:00 PM
Al Gore's most impressive invention.


Who sells sea shells on the sea shore?

jinx31
10-02-2010, 09:54 PM
They are available at most drug stores and As Seen On TV Outlet Stores. Unfortunately, the natural supply has been depleted for years, so most modern seashells are in fact replicas produced in sweat shops throughout the world. Especially the ones with the googly eyes glued to them.

When will the first mass produced, consumer grade flying car be invented?

GenessorDios
10-03-2010, 12:22 AM
You lazy bastard. If you want one, invent it yourself!

Has there ever been a war general who lost his way to the battlefield?

pottersjar
10-03-2010, 12:34 AM
Yes, General Lee once led a charge on his own rear flank because he was blue-grey colorblind.


Will GenessorDios ever follow the simple directions posted in the threads of the INTJ Forum Games platform?

jonnyb
10-03-2010, 01:48 AM
Only when the Ghostbusters let Jesus out of the containment unit. Until then, while Jesus is away, GD will run amok.

Will Chad ever learn to just leave me be?

jinx31
10-03-2010, 10:03 AM
No, in fact Chad is considering a run for political office, with the primary plank of his platform being "johnnyb will never rest in peace while I'm in charge". Polls indicate that Chad is slightly behind, but gaining ground rapidly.

Why is coffee addictive?

Sazeriel
10-03-2010, 10:28 AM
A relationship with coffee is an extremely unhealthy one. Coffee is known to be clingy, needy, whiney, and will badger you for all of your money. You, the oblivious partner in the relationship, enjoys the tasty benefits from coffee and fails to see how you are being mistreated. Therefore, you just keep drinking.

Why can't penguins fly?

jonnyb
10-03-2010, 12:09 PM
US imposed no fly zone in the Antarctic.

Why do eggs I placed in the fridge next to onions taste like onions later on?

reiven
10-03-2010, 12:15 PM
really? really jonnyb? you put them together in the dark, where it's cold enough to snuggle. the barry white you play wafts into the fridge, and you're surprised there was insemination?
can you picture the chicks?

why do pilots drink before takeoff?

jonnyb
10-03-2010, 12:25 PM
So they can fly like an eagle, silly.

Why is there white powdery shif all over my scrubs?

Synchronicity
10-03-2010, 12:45 PM
Your colleagues have been doing lines off it.

Why are 80s hairstyles so ugly?

jonnyb
10-03-2010, 12:59 PM
The newly forming hole in the ozone layer caused a sucking phenomenon that pulled most peoples' hair straight up.

Why do I feel an insatiable urge to key Cadillac Escalades?

aok
10-03-2010, 01:04 PM
So rap videos commercializing them look more interesting.


Why don't hip(pies) hop?

jonnyb
10-03-2010, 01:08 PM
It deffinately has something to do with the posch shoes they feel they must have.

Why do toilet plug up at the most inoportune times?

aok
10-03-2010, 01:14 PM
It matches the constipation of the situation.


Why do a lot of people hate analysis?

jonnyb
10-03-2010, 01:25 PM
Because the magnifying glass (s)he is under begins to burn in the sunlight.....kinda like that one hotel in Vegas.

Why do religious retards think that there is something inherently wrong in taking the path of least resistance?

pottersjar
10-05-2010, 09:25 AM
Because the fool has said in his heart, "there is no God."



What shape does time take when you save it in a bottle?

aok
10-05-2010, 12:59 PM
Grains of sand.


What is a sense of humor?

Taste of peat
10-05-2010, 09:40 PM
The art of being serious in all circumstances, for sure.

How long does it take to clean a shirt ?

WoodsWoman
10-05-2010, 11:12 PM
6 hours and 3 minutes.

Where do dust bunnies come from?

RedOrange823
10-05-2010, 11:13 PM
Alice In Wonderland's rabbit hole

Why are so many politicians so stupid?

jinx31
10-05-2010, 11:17 PM
It starts with dinner and a movie, a couple drinks, and next thing you know..

What is the cause of global warming?

jonnyb
10-06-2010, 12:47 AM
The satellites in space are cooking us with microwaves.

What do skeletons eat?

WoodsWoman
10-06-2010, 04:25 PM
Dust bunnies.

Why are jack-o-lanterns usually so happy?

mountain
10-06-2010, 05:14 PM
Because someone ripped their brains out with a spoon.

Why do dogs drool?

Synchronicity
10-06-2010, 05:19 PM
To leave a trail they can follow back home.

Why do some people wear contacts instead of glasses?

aok
10-06-2010, 10:41 PM
They want to disguise their inability to see.

Why do some people wear hearing aids?

hopeworthhoping
10-06-2010, 11:20 PM
Most likely so they can HEAR...... my guess anywyay....

Why do some ppl wear pants so tight that I find it impossible to reproduce once removing said pants?

aok
10-07-2010, 07:10 PM
Its cheaper than a vasectomy.


If facebook is a social network, what's an anti-social network?

Synchronicity
10-07-2010, 07:23 PM
INTJf.

Why is Pluto no longer a planet?

jinx31
10-07-2010, 09:58 PM
Mickey shortened his leash.

Why is it starting to get cold out?

mountain
10-08-2010, 12:40 AM
Because of the Third Law of Thermodynamics, Entropy. The earth's core and the surrounding atmosphere are constantly losing energy and therefore cooling. Soon there will be another ice age, and the prehistoric squirrel thing from the Ice Age movie will return.

Why are squirrels so fascinating?

Seriously
10-08-2010, 02:13 AM
It's the fuzzy twitchy tail. Hypnotic.

Why do we call water water and not H2oer

jinx31
10-08-2010, 02:31 AM
The Caveman Marketing Association, who originally developed and trademarked "water" would probably seek legal action against you for trying to undermine their marketing investment in the brand.

Is insomnia contagious?

mountain
10-08-2010, 02:45 AM
Why, yes indeed. There are currently 110 members and 214 guests who have caught the your insomnia cooties. Damn you!

Why do vampires burn up in the sunlight?

jinx31
10-08-2010, 02:52 AM
They aren't using Coppertone SPF 50 Sun Block. Everyone knows that you get fried if you use the cheap stuff!

Why do stores already have Christmas Decorations on the shelves?

mountain
10-08-2010, 02:57 AM
The Christmas Decorations never left the shelves. Your mind just blanked them out after several hectic holiday months. Now your mind is starting to recover, and you can sense the decorations again.

Why is there a horse on the INTJf banner?

Synchronicity
10-08-2010, 10:00 AM
It represents the INTJ perception that we are all sexy stallions.

Why did Fox cancel Futurama?

jonnyb
10-08-2010, 11:27 AM
Fox cancelled Futurama because the present has taken an alternate course that will make the future into something far worse than any can imagine. Fox is doing their part not to provide any false hopes.

Who decides the value of money.

reiven
10-08-2010, 07:33 PM
peter griffin

why do dogs hike their leg when they pee?

mountain
10-08-2010, 10:37 PM
Because they secretly desire to pee all over the toilet seat, like some other species. They just can't do that if they pee straight down.

Why does wood float on water?

WoodsWoman
10-09-2010, 09:19 AM
Because they never did get along.

Why are leaf blowers so darned noisy?

jonnyb
10-09-2010, 02:10 PM
It's a safety thing so that others know you are around.

Why do leeches suck blood?

WoodsWoman
10-09-2010, 02:30 PM
Because it's more effective than taking money.

Why do dogs bark?

Cooper
10-09-2010, 04:09 PM
Because they look funny when they meow.

Why are we here?

Liason
10-09-2010, 04:23 PM
To kill and dissect other's dreams.

Why are we sane?

aok
10-09-2010, 06:26 PM
Because there's not enough immersion in sanity. (insanity)


What kind of nuts does a nut-house contain?

jinx31
10-12-2010, 07:10 AM
The really good ones actually house assorted nuts. Macadamia's are rare though, as they are pretty pricey.

Why does water boil at 212F/100C?

Synchronicity
10-12-2010, 09:15 AM
Well, if 0C is 0% boiling, than 100C must be 100% boiling. Obviously.

Why does there exist the stereotype that men who drive big trucks are assholes?

GenessorDios
10-12-2010, 10:46 AM
They spend so much time sitting in the trucks that their assholes develop sentience and begin influencing their behavior. It's really not their fault, studies have shown that their kind and gentle souls are trapped inside, unable to resist the will of their very own recta.

How much does one magic cost?

Synchronicity
10-12-2010, 10:21 PM
1/10th of a minor mana potion.

Why do doughnuts have holes in them?

aok
10-12-2010, 10:23 PM
They're nuts!


What's the point of being a robot?

GenessorDios
10-13-2010, 12:13 AM
You've made me nihilistic other than an overpowering desire to kill you.

What's the point?

Cooper
10-13-2010, 12:42 AM
The red thing.

Are you ready for some football?

Synchronicity
10-13-2010, 10:47 AM
I will be, as soon as they resolve the football/soccer naming issue.

What causes baldness?

GenessorDios
10-13-2010, 10:51 AM
Lack of hair in your diet. Don't worry, Synchronicity, just fish out what you can from the shower drain and make a smoothie. Your mane will be flowing before you know it.

How can you tell when socks are on too tight?

jinx31
10-13-2010, 11:36 AM
You eyes pop out of your head. A side benefit is that it also squeezes the hair out of your head, which can be sold at a hefty premium to SmoothieKing.

What causes brain freeze?

GenessorDios
10-13-2010, 12:10 PM
Gray matter going on strike due to a lack of winterwear.

Is intentionally not saving someone's life the same as killing them?

Synchronicity
10-13-2010, 07:26 PM
No. In that case, it's improving the gene pool.

Where does candy come from?

jinx31
10-13-2010, 07:37 PM
She was born in St. Louis, but moved to Las Vegas in 2007 and changed her name. You can see her Friday through Sunday at The Bunny Ranch.

Why does my computer keep locking up?

Synchronicity
10-13-2010, 07:43 PM
Because it doesn't want to let burglars walk right in, obviously.

Where did the idea of making a drink out of beans (coffee) come from?

jonnyb
10-13-2010, 09:52 PM
One mother thought to herself ~Kids don't like to eat beans, perhaps they might drink them......~

What else would be better to drink than eat?

Cooper
10-14-2010, 05:58 AM
Hot dogs.

What time is next Tuesday?

aok
10-14-2010, 11:10 AM
January.


Why do people get drunk?

jonnyb
10-14-2010, 03:32 PM
To commune with the occupants of the unseen world.

Why is hair good or bad depending upon its location on the body?

Seriously
10-14-2010, 03:43 PM
Hair is always bad. That's why it must be punished by being whacked with a brush, razered off or smothered with gels.


Why does belly button lint smell funky?

Cooper
10-14-2010, 05:14 PM
How do you know it does?

Would someone order a pizza, please?

Seriously
10-14-2010, 05:20 PM
Pizza! Yes you pizza, smell my belly button lint and tell me what you think.

There consider your pizza properly ordered. Would you like me to bully it as well? Cause I can you know.


How do I get more cow bell?

Synchronicity
10-14-2010, 08:39 PM
Get a fever.

How does my body make more blood?

WoodsWoman
10-14-2010, 09:55 PM
With every blink of your eyes.

Where do wormy apples come from?

datagirl
10-14-2010, 11:24 PM
Elves. They drill little holes in the apples and plug them up with worms.

Where is the other half of the rainbow?

WoodsWoman
10-14-2010, 11:44 PM
What makes you think that isn't the whole thing?

Why is it so difficult to think of a question?

datagirl
10-14-2010, 11:59 PM
early onset dementia

will I ever be able to afford to retire?

jonnyb
10-15-2010, 12:01 AM
Only if you buy a set of all four.

Why do jack o lanterns always seem to smile?

datagirl
10-15-2010, 12:06 AM
they have dirty minds

what is an imaginary number?

jonnyb
10-15-2010, 12:08 AM
Me having the correct lottery ticket numbers for the jackpot.

Why don't we have 13 months in a year?

datagirl
10-15-2010, 12:17 AM
union contract

why do birds keep flying into my fireplace?

jonnyb
10-15-2010, 12:47 AM
They are jealous of the fried chicken they see on your table through your windows.

Why do people think pentagrams are bad?

mountain
10-15-2010, 01:46 AM
Because of Geometry class. *shudder*

Why does Pi have infinite digits?

jonnyb
10-15-2010, 01:48 AM
So he can feel you up and down all the better.

What's so special about those hyperabolas?

datagirl
10-15-2010, 08:47 AM
They are hyped up on sugar and caffeine and keep messing up the parallel lines

What is a 404 error?

jonnyb
10-16-2010, 12:51 AM
409 cleaner gone bad.

What is the best aerosol to huff?

Seriously
10-16-2010, 01:12 AM
Hair spray. Look good and feel good.


Who discovered whippets?

jonnyb
10-16-2010, 01:34 AM
It was a group effort by some masochistic community.

What is desperation good for?

aok
10-16-2010, 10:08 PM
Keeping one motivated.

What triggers inspiration?

MortalWombat
10-16-2010, 10:10 PM
An M1 Garand.

What makes people itchy?

aok
10-16-2010, 10:45 PM
Areas of tiny nonexistence.


Where are fleas fleeing from?

jonnyb
10-16-2010, 11:25 PM
The Circus

What's the best thing to do with a big top?

alt lit
10-16-2010, 11:30 PM
Stand it on a big bottom.

How deep is the bottom from here?

jonnyb
10-17-2010, 12:07 AM
It's all relative to the bottom of your beer mug.

What is the condition of the shadow government?

Seriously
10-17-2010, 12:08 AM
It's in the dark.


Of what use is Aquaman?

jonnyb
10-17-2010, 12:14 AM
He can find all the best sushi restaraunts for you as he tracks down his missing friends.

Why are most horror movies cheesy rather than scary?

Tactician
10-17-2010, 02:42 AM
because people who are lactose-intolerant are afraid of cheese.

Why do i sneeze every time i look at the sun?

jonnyb
10-17-2010, 02:47 AM
Allergies to the light. I know your pain.

What is Adam West up to now a-days?

Taste of peat
10-17-2010, 12:21 PM
He changed his name and now people call him Adam East.

Why is it so cold here whereas we're still in october ?

jonnyb
10-17-2010, 01:29 PM
The witches are baring theit teats.

What do the witches do on X-mas?

datagirl
10-17-2010, 06:45 PM
wait for Satan Claus

what would be a good Christmas gift for my mother?

Cooper
10-18-2010, 02:09 AM
To be completely potty trained.

What do you want for Halloween?

RedOrange823
10-18-2010, 02:21 AM
Toothpaste and a toothbrush

How do you decorate for Halloween?

Cooper
10-18-2010, 03:54 AM
Santa and her bunnies.

What are the best gifts?

RedOrange823
10-18-2010, 03:56 AM
lumps of coal on Christmas

What is an encyclopedia?

Cooper
10-18-2010, 03:57 AM
A spider trap.

What is a manual transmission?

RedOrange823
10-18-2010, 03:59 AM
A guide on how to use radios

How far is the distance from earth to the sun?

jonnyb
10-18-2010, 12:27 PM
Just a shake of an Anaknoki's tail.

How do demons influence us from day to day?

WoodsWoman
10-18-2010, 06:10 PM
The same as we do marionettes.

Why do cats purr?

aok
10-18-2010, 10:37 PM
Get their motor running.

Why do some people think pickup trucks are cool?

jonnyb
10-18-2010, 10:48 PM
There is a lot of ventilation if you ride in the back.

Why do chimneys need cleaned?

datagirl
10-19-2010, 02:01 AM
B.O.

Will jonnyb let me ride in the back of his pickup truck?

jonnyb
10-19-2010, 03:14 AM
Only if you provide the beer.

why is beer the currency of the future?

Cooper
10-19-2010, 03:40 PM
Easy to smuggle across State lines.

Where is the second door on the left?

WoodsWoman
10-19-2010, 09:31 PM
Behind you and around the corner to the right.

Where did my energy go?

Cooper
10-19-2010, 09:50 PM
The rabbit took it.

Where is the popcorn?

jonnyb
10-19-2010, 11:47 PM
Unfortunately, popcorn's older brother poopcorn took its place.

Why do people get headaches?

WoodsWoman
10-20-2010, 01:02 PM
To cure cancer.

Why are some smells more repulsive than others?

datagirl
10-20-2010, 03:52 PM
animal magnetism

Is caffeine a drug?

jonnyb
10-20-2010, 11:14 PM
Only if it's huffed.

How can I get Chad to permanantly leave me alone?

EmmaKynikos
10-20-2010, 11:52 PM
open a bookstore.

why are those lights flashing?

datagirl
10-21-2010, 01:59 AM
the mothership is about to land

should I go to bed now?

jonnyb
10-21-2010, 02:02 AM
Only if it's going to be on a bed of nails, otherwise, wait for another hour.

Why does my phone battery seem like it's always dead?

aok
10-21-2010, 02:35 AM
It's phony.

Where's the best place to be homeless?

reiven
10-24-2010, 10:53 AM
a monastery.

is there a cure for arthritis?

jinx31
10-24-2010, 12:11 PM
Amputation has proven to be the most effective cure for arthritis. Minimal side effects, other than the need for prosthetics or a full time assistant to do all those pesky tasks that would require the removed appendage.

Why do they call it grapefruit?

Synchronicity
10-24-2010, 01:23 PM
To distinguish them from grapes, which aren't actually fruits, but alien seedlings that must be eaten by humans regularly lest they hatch and kill everyone.

Why do insects have compound eyes?

GenessorDios
10-25-2010, 12:31 PM
One of those insects got a hold of a Bedazzler when it first came out and gave all its friends multiple eyes. Just look at pictures from before it was released, all of them just had two eyes.

What would happen to criminals if crime were decriminalized?

Cooper
10-25-2010, 02:01 PM
The would become Republicians.

Why is rain wet?

EmmaKynikos
10-25-2010, 07:56 PM
if it weren't, it'd be a dry martini.

should one ever put ice in a glass of wine?

MortalWombat
10-25-2010, 08:01 PM
glass.

Why do some pumpkins grow so big?

WoodsWoman
10-25-2010, 08:07 PM
They needed hormone replacement therapy.

Why does the sun rise in the east?

EmmaKynikos
10-25-2010, 08:08 PM
charlie brown forgot to kill them off.

why is my clock flashing?

WoodsWoman
10-25-2010, 08:12 PM
It has attention deficit disorder.

What should I be doing now?

EmmaKynikos
10-25-2010, 08:14 PM
poking your eye out with a hot rod.

how many ways are there to skin a cat?

WoodsWoman
10-25-2010, 08:35 PM
239.5

How many skins does it take to make a mink coat?

Cooper
10-26-2010, 04:07 AM
Less then Nawgahid skins.

Will I ever learn to spell?

WoodsWoman
10-26-2010, 09:23 PM
Only if struck by lightening - again.

What are the FBs up to when they're quiet?

mountain
10-26-2010, 10:54 PM
As an INTJ, I know for a fact that anytime *anything* is quiet, it is planning to take over the world. Cats in particular exemplify this trait.

P.S. I have no idea what an FB is, but I know that the above is true in any event.

Why are foxes sly?

Cooper
10-26-2010, 11:05 PM
To see better.

Why is it dark?

mountain
10-26-2010, 11:15 PM
Because you're in an alley.

Why do people use emoticons?

dungeonguy88
10-27-2010, 12:22 AM
Their faces are frozen by botulism.

Yum, yum, yummy, what's in my tummy?

mountain
10-27-2010, 12:43 AM
RedOrange's legs ... um, King gopher?

Why do RPG's always have dungeons?

aok
10-27-2010, 12:56 AM
The roots of them are D + D. You can't have dragons w/out dungeons.


Why do professional athletes of team sports make so much money?

GenessorDios
10-27-2010, 02:12 AM
They're all drug kingpins. It's pretty much a requirement to join the team.

How can ice be formed on the sun?

mountain
10-27-2010, 02:37 AM
A group of at least 13 INTJs must gather and perform the dreaded INTJ death stare directly at the sun. Ice will soon follow.

Why do mathematicians use Greek letters?

jonnyb
10-27-2010, 01:37 PM
Jealousy of not being allowed into fraternities.

Why do many mens' eyes gravitate toward looking at breasts?

Cooper
10-27-2010, 04:49 PM
Gravity.

Where is everyone?

WoodsWoman
10-27-2010, 06:05 PM
Hiding under rocks.

Will things get better?

Taste of peat
10-27-2010, 08:27 PM
Depends on what things you are talking about. If the things are my goods, I think they will be a billion dollars worth soon. If the things are cats and mouses, they'll probably all die from heart attacks. Or laughter.

Why do I have holes in my socks ?

Cooper
10-27-2010, 08:37 PM
To put them on.

What kind of game is this?

GenessorDios
10-28-2010, 10:10 AM
Apparently the kind at which you suck.

Do you feel a kinship with black holes?

WoodsWoman
10-28-2010, 02:08 PM
But of course!! Everything I touch seems to disappear.

Why doesn't this nice weather last for more than one day at a time?

Cooper
10-28-2010, 07:49 PM
It does, just not there.

Why is my dog so wierd?

Taste of peat
10-28-2010, 08:20 PM
Because of mimetism. Now his behaviour is the same as yours.

Why am I fascinated by very huge boobs ?

GenessorDios
10-28-2010, 08:44 PM
Your calcium deficiency's to blame.

What is anathema to anathema?

EmmaKynikos
10-28-2010, 09:17 PM
pork chops

how many times have you gone cow tipping?

GenessorDios
10-28-2010, 09:39 PM
Every time I go out to eat. I only tip 15% so they usually just wobble back to normal.

Why is malingering looked down upon?

EmmaKynikos
10-28-2010, 10:15 PM
it is?

what's picture perfect?

datagirl
10-28-2010, 10:31 PM
When the top edge of the frame is perfectly level.

How did Emma get such fabulous abs?

Cooper
10-28-2010, 10:33 PM
Big bucks.

What is the reason for food carts?

GenessorDios
10-28-2010, 11:55 PM
Drink carts were feeling lonely.

What is the maximum pressure the human body can withstand?

Cooper
10-28-2010, 11:57 PM
Right below the pressure that kills fleas.

Why do I keep eating these damn chips?!

mountain
10-29-2010, 02:47 AM
Because the chips are laced with marijuana. Munchies!

Why is chocolate bad for dogs?

GouldFan
10-29-2010, 11:07 AM
Because they'd deplete your own supply. Let them have dog biscuits, bananas, raw hides, and even some of your old socks, but never chocolate!

Why is it bad to be fashionably late?

aok
10-29-2010, 07:14 PM
Its good to be unfashionable.


What's the latest trend?

jonnyb
10-30-2010, 12:41 AM
Giving JonnyB 20$

What will it take to get everyone to follow the latest trend?

Cooper
10-30-2010, 12:43 AM
Gummy Bears.

Why is my house full of fog?

jonnyb
10-30-2010, 12:46 AM
It's really the ghost of my dead aunt that I left for you last August.

How can I be a good negotiator?

Cooper
10-30-2010, 12:59 AM
Use the same bullets for everyone.

What should I ask next?

jonnyb
10-30-2010, 01:37 AM
'What should I give JonnyB for Halloween?' is what you should ask next.

How can I get the messed up information removed from PACS?

Cooper
10-30-2010, 03:59 PM
Unplug it.

Who invented the internet?

datagirl
10-30-2010, 06:38 PM
Bill Gates, of course. Actually, he stole the idea from Al Gore and shamelessly re-packaged the concept in order to amass great personal wealth.

Who invented Windows?

Cooper
10-30-2010, 07:18 PM
Windex

Why is it daylight?