View Full Version : I'm So Bored; Please Amuse Me - The Wrong Answer Game

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09-25-2010, 07:43 PM
Martha Stewart's baked bread.

How quickly can the average person run?

09-25-2010, 07:47 PM
In a trice.

What is treacle?

09-25-2010, 07:51 PM
That's the secret energy source that keeps the USS Enterprise from bumping into planets while traveling at warp speed.

How do they get the bubbles into Coke?

09-25-2010, 07:54 PM
By force feeding TUMs to mice.

Where do the antelope roam?

09-25-2010, 08:23 PM
There have been reports of wild antelope roaming through the Black Friday sales at the mall. They were spotted lining up at the doors at 3am.

When will the world end?

09-26-2010, 06:42 AM
It already has.

What's the best bargain for a moose?

09-26-2010, 07:13 AM
I'll give you two million bucks, and not a penny more! Okay, five million. No more! Alright, seventeen million, god!

Does anyone have Bill Gates' number?

09-26-2010, 07:18 AM
yes, he will die in a car wreck in 2016.

why do good things happen to bad people?

09-26-2010, 07:23 AM
Because, fuck you, that's why.

Did anyone else just see that??

09-26-2010, 07:24 AM
Because bad things happen to good people. It is what makes the world go round - for every action there is an equal and opposite reaction.

Why do people get bored?

09-26-2010, 07:25 AM
yes. he left a hundred dollar bill on the windshield with a phone number in case that doesn't cover the damage.

do trees feel pain?

09-26-2010, 07:26 AM
Not enough murder in the world. That's why I try to help as much as I can on the weekends.

Is my hat on straight?

Edit: Three snakes in a row, can we get Guinness on the phone?

09-26-2010, 07:29 AM
yes. your hat is perfect.

what is the difference between salt and sugar?

09-26-2010, 07:39 AM
They're chemically the same, but the mood of the Nitrogen atom affects which form it takes. Salt shakers are lined on the interior with emo poetry, while sugar containers have songs by Barney piped through at an infinitesimally low level.

Can a brown bag ever hope to turn blue?

09-26-2010, 07:49 AM
yes! there is a magic pool outside the walls of a middle eastern city. if the bag can be the first one placed into the waters after they mysteriously swirl, any color is possible.

why can't plastic trash go down the garbage disposal?

09-26-2010, 08:01 AM
Throw a little alcohol down there first, wait half an hour and try again. I heard that reduces inhibitions.

What happens when airplanes get airsick?

09-26-2010, 08:05 AM
they are professionals, you would never know there's a problem.

why are smileys yellow?

09-26-2010, 08:07 AM
They're big fans of Matt Groening.

What happens if I get a system shock?

09-26-2010, 08:27 AM
you should add wax to all orifices and allow the bleach to permeate. you will be glad you did.

why does ice get bigger than the water it came from?

09-26-2010, 08:34 AM
It doesn't, it just gets closer to your face. You should take off that ice magnet before visiting Antarctica.

Are there more women with short hair or long hair?

09-26-2010, 10:34 AM
most of the hair on most women is short, so long is clearly the right answer.

why does the ring announcer think he's so important?

09-26-2010, 10:53 AM
That's because he accidentally dropped his brain while taking shower.

Why is it so cold here?

09-26-2010, 01:40 PM
The heat doesn't like you.

Where did all of the dragons go?

Taste of peat
09-26-2010, 02:24 PM
Some of them went to the Moon, more went to Mars.

Why did old rockers use harmonica sometimes ?

09-26-2010, 04:32 PM
They had too much spit and wanted a hygienic way to collect it all.

How dd rock and roll get its name?

09-27-2010, 03:48 AM
After a long debate, and consulting the "Baby Name Voyager" website, it's parents settled on Rock and Roll.

Why did dinosaurs go extinct?

09-27-2010, 08:14 AM
They never went extinct, they just learned how to turn invisible. You think all those earthquakes and tidal waves happen on their own? You fool! Everyone knows drunk, imbalanced dinosaurs are the root causes of natural disasters.

Is it unethical to choose scratching your arm over pressing a button to save a kitten from an incinerator?

09-27-2010, 09:10 AM
Of course not, it's only unethical when there's a dog involved.

How do you go about robbing a bank?

09-27-2010, 09:31 AM
Its not worth the years of therapy and PTSD episodes the bank will experience.

Why are jack-o-lanterns the official symbol of halloween?

09-27-2010, 03:43 PM
Because the politicians didn't want them.

Why are kitten claws sharper than cat claws?

Taste of peat
09-27-2010, 04:38 PM
Because kittens look more like wolves.

Why is Dexter (from the series Dexter) a serial-killer ?

09-27-2010, 04:40 PM
He was brought up by kittens.

How do you kitten a cat?

09-27-2010, 04:57 PM
Olive oil, diced onion, chopped garlic, and BAM with a little Essence from Emeril (tm).

Why do people hate snow?

Taste of peat
09-27-2010, 05:00 PM
Because they don't know the pleasure of skying.

Hey, this is a true answer, so here's a wrong one : because snow is still too hot for them.

How do you kill a vampire ?

09-27-2010, 06:19 PM
Make more dumb movies about vampires sucking.

How do you kill a blob?

09-27-2010, 09:07 PM
Why do you want to commit suicide? Anyway, just withhold all potato chips for about an hour; that should do the trick.

Should the Internet be completely free?

09-28-2010, 08:39 PM
Probably not - if it were given it's freedom suddenly, it would probably start drinking, doing drugs and having wild sex. Next thing you know it would be having a kid and dropping out of college. May need a little more structure in its life.

Will anyone vote in the November elections this year?

09-29-2010, 02:56 AM
Of course. American Idol is vital to the country's prosperity.

How do you win a spitball duel?

09-29-2010, 03:10 AM
it is based on points. anything that sticks is 10 points. anything hitting the head and neck, add 7 points. anything that passes into an orifice (including eye sockets) is an automatic 30 point bonus. to certify the win, the points must be totalled by someone from honduras.

where do they get the scents for air fresheners?

09-29-2010, 05:21 AM
Funnily enough, it turns out chemistry is pretty literal. If a scientist arranges elements of phosphorus, aluminium, meitnerium, rhenium and einsteinium in a row, they get a commonly-used aroma.

What will happen on 10/10/10?

09-29-2010, 08:36 AM
10 babies will be born with 10 toes.

What wil happen on 12/12/12?

09-29-2010, 05:09 PM
People will predict a later date for the apocalypse.

What do the Mayans know that current civilization is unaware of?

09-29-2010, 06:16 PM
Rectal probing of abducted humans by space aliens is painfully real.

Why does chocolate make you fat?

09-29-2010, 07:23 PM
Well, it only makes you fat when you smoke it through your pipe, Synch...

Which god invented peanut butter?

09-29-2010, 09:58 PM
none, peanut butter needs no god to create it for its very nature is divinity.

how much wood would a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood?

09-30-2010, 02:11 AM
None. He'd buy it.

What should I do?

09-30-2010, 05:07 AM
Go jump in a lake.

What lake should Coop use?

09-30-2010, 04:28 PM
Why go to a lake when you can have a lake come to you? Just spend all your life savings to remove lake water and fill your house. Makes for a much more enjoyable vacation.

How does a gun work?

09-30-2010, 04:38 PM
before 1977:
one would load corn meal into the breach, stuff 2 cc of moist towelette down the barrel, and then put a moderately sized white grape in the tip. the gun is then fired by striking the but against a solid surface (go ahead and try using your shoulder like the do in the movies, ha.)

post 1977:
cornmeal was banned for use in firearms, but plain white flour was allowed. effective range was reduced to about 36 inches, but the guns are much more safe for use against hapless burglars

what's in peanut butter?

Taste of peat
09-30-2010, 04:53 PM
Bananas, salt, garlic.
NOT peanut.

Why did I just receive another student school certificate instead of mine ?

09-30-2010, 04:55 PM
your parents lied to you about your real name

why haven't i started my homework yet?

Taste of peat
09-30-2010, 04:58 PM
Because homeworks can solve themselves alone. Just wait and see.

Why are the handkerchiefs white ?

09-30-2010, 05:24 PM
You drowned them all in bleach, you sick bastard! What did they ever do to you?!

What's your address so I can come and kill you?

09-30-2010, 05:25 PM
I live on Seasame Street and my real name is Big Bird :)

Who decided that a bunch of creepy puppets was good child entertainment?

09-30-2010, 10:41 PM
Hey, they need to learn about proctology eventually.

How come everything bad that happens is always someone else's fault?

09-30-2010, 11:49 PM
It's not. It's yours.

Who decides it's good neighbourhood-ly practice to blast music at 2am?

10-01-2010, 02:36 AM
and you thought the plebiscite was a good idea. if you are gonna put things to a vote, be prepared to hear music you don't like.
we are voting on your wardrobe in the morning...you may want to have options.

what is different about sea salt?

10-01-2010, 04:26 AM
The content level of jellyfish and sand, etc

Is it cold outside?

10-01-2010, 04:39 AM
no! there is no cold anymore. if we aren't sweating, we aren't living.

what is the pompitous of love?

10-01-2010, 07:07 AM
It involves some red jello, a leather whip, and.. oh, someday you'll find out.

What is SPAM really made of?

10-01-2010, 08:16 AM
super-powered american moo-cows

Are smoking and drinking really bad for you?

10-01-2010, 08:34 AM
Fishing is not my sport.

Do you like French fries?

10-01-2010, 08:39 AM
Are you serious? I would never be an advocate for burning the French at a stake! What civilization are you from, to come up with such an absurd question?

When does free speech go too far?

Taste of peat
10-01-2010, 12:03 PM
When you dare to say anything against eating ten bananas a day.

Why do I still have a ventilator on my desk when it's 15C outside ?

10-01-2010, 03:31 PM
it's not for you, stoopid. you work in the ER.

what is the secret ingredient in those magic beans jack bought?

10-01-2010, 03:51 PM
Reverse-engineered giant farts.

Why does water form a crystal lattice structure when frozen?

10-01-2010, 04:35 PM
because nothing is random, the fates control every aspect of everything. since they are eternal, the one that invented ice got to set up it's properties. she was an engineer by trade and had a thing for fractals.

i ran that through snopes, and it held up

what is the difference between different women?

10-01-2010, 07:45 PM
Difference is in the eye of the beholder - but some things are better off left unsaid. You could very easily get smacked pointing those differences out. (oh wait, I was supposed to give a wrong answer.. oops)

In a war between Canada and the US, who would win?

10-01-2010, 08:18 PM
Alaska, because the citizens of Alaska can see Russia. Alaska would secede and achieve world domination.

What is avogadro's constant good for?

10-01-2010, 08:26 PM
Best guacamole in town.

Do ghosts exist?

10-01-2010, 09:03 PM
Of course Ghosts exit; they never stay in any place too long. Duh.

When was the War of 1812 fought?

10-01-2010, 09:31 PM
It was never fought. The most it amounted to was which sides' representative passed out first drinking Jell-O shots.

Why is concrete sold by cubic yards but mixed by tonage?

10-01-2010, 09:39 PM
Because a cubic ton was considered too large to fit into a standard shopping cart.

Why do we call flies flies but we don't call ants walks?

10-01-2010, 10:31 PM
It's a simple question of weight ratios! A five ounce fly could not carry a one pound coconut. Listen. In order to maintain air-speed velocity, a fly needs to beat its wings forty-three times every second, right? So where does that leave the ant? Exactly!

Why do eyes change color?

10-01-2010, 11:42 PM
Liken them to mood rings and I think you'll find your answer

What is the difference between sweet and sour?

10-01-2010, 11:48 PM
Everything except the cream.

When did camels loose all their toes?

10-02-2010, 06:17 AM
When they had to start wearing those little Geisha shoes.

Tell me, tell me, who? Who wrote the book of love?

10-02-2010, 08:25 AM
tempered plate glass. before the tempering process was devised, there was barely a difference and most people didn't notice.

why do bananas turn brown?

10-02-2010, 11:25 AM
Because monkeys like them, monkeys are brown.

Why do people talk?

10-02-2010, 02:51 PM
because sign language is hard to learn

What is the internet?

10-02-2010, 05:00 PM
Al Gore's most impressive invention.

Who sells sea shells on the sea shore?

10-02-2010, 05:54 PM
They are available at most drug stores and As Seen On TV Outlet Stores. Unfortunately, the natural supply has been depleted for years, so most modern seashells are in fact replicas produced in sweat shops throughout the world. Especially the ones with the googly eyes glued to them.

When will the first mass produced, consumer grade flying car be invented?

10-02-2010, 08:22 PM
You lazy bastard. If you want one, invent it yourself!

Has there ever been a war general who lost his way to the battlefield?

10-02-2010, 08:34 PM
Yes, General Lee once led a charge on his own rear flank because he was blue-grey colorblind.

Will GenessorDios ever follow the simple directions posted in the threads of the INTJ Forum Games platform?

10-02-2010, 09:48 PM
Only when the Ghostbusters let Jesus out of the containment unit. Until then, while Jesus is away, GD will run amok.

Will Chad ever learn to just leave me be?

10-03-2010, 06:03 AM
No, in fact Chad is considering a run for political office, with the primary plank of his platform being "johnnyb will never rest in peace while I'm in charge". Polls indicate that Chad is slightly behind, but gaining ground rapidly.

Why is coffee addictive?

10-03-2010, 06:28 AM
A relationship with coffee is an extremely unhealthy one. Coffee is known to be clingy, needy, whiney, and will badger you for all of your money. You, the oblivious partner in the relationship, enjoys the tasty benefits from coffee and fails to see how you are being mistreated. Therefore, you just keep drinking.

Why can't penguins fly?

10-03-2010, 08:09 AM
US imposed no fly zone in the Antarctic.

Why do eggs I placed in the fridge next to onions taste like onions later on?

10-03-2010, 08:15 AM
really? really jonnyb? you put them together in the dark, where it's cold enough to snuggle. the barry white you play wafts into the fridge, and you're surprised there was insemination?
can you picture the chicks?

why do pilots drink before takeoff?

10-03-2010, 08:25 AM
So they can fly like an eagle, silly.

Why is there white powdery shif all over my scrubs?

10-03-2010, 08:45 AM
Your colleagues have been doing lines off it.

Why are 80s hairstyles so ugly?

10-03-2010, 08:59 AM
The newly forming hole in the ozone layer caused a sucking phenomenon that pulled most peoples' hair straight up.

Why do I feel an insatiable urge to key Cadillac Escalades?

10-03-2010, 09:04 AM
So rap videos commercializing them look more interesting.

Why don't hip(pies) hop?

10-03-2010, 09:08 AM
It deffinately has something to do with the posch shoes they feel they must have.

Why do toilet plug up at the most inoportune times?

10-03-2010, 09:14 AM
It matches the constipation of the situation.

Why do a lot of people hate analysis?

10-03-2010, 09:25 AM
Because the magnifying glass (s)he is under begins to burn in the sunlight.....kinda like that one hotel in Vegas.

Why do religious retards think that there is something inherently wrong in taking the path of least resistance?

10-05-2010, 05:25 AM
Because the fool has said in his heart, "there is no God."

What shape does time take when you save it in a bottle?

10-05-2010, 08:59 AM
Grains of sand.

What is a sense of humor?

Taste of peat
10-05-2010, 05:40 PM
The art of being serious in all circumstances, for sure.

How long does it take to clean a shirt ?

10-05-2010, 07:12 PM
6 hours and 3 minutes.

Where do dust bunnies come from?

10-05-2010, 07:13 PM
Alice In Wonderland's rabbit hole

Why are so many politicians so stupid?

10-05-2010, 07:17 PM
It starts with dinner and a movie, a couple drinks, and next thing you know..

What is the cause of global warming?

10-05-2010, 08:47 PM
The satellites in space are cooking us with microwaves.

What do skeletons eat?

10-06-2010, 12:25 PM
Dust bunnies.

Why are jack-o-lanterns usually so happy?

10-06-2010, 01:14 PM
Because someone ripped their brains out with a spoon.

Why do dogs drool?

10-06-2010, 01:19 PM
To leave a trail they can follow back home.

Why do some people wear contacts instead of glasses?

10-06-2010, 06:41 PM
They want to disguise their inability to see.

Why do some people wear hearing aids?

10-06-2010, 07:20 PM
Most likely so they can HEAR...... my guess anywyay....

Why do some ppl wear pants so tight that I find it impossible to reproduce once removing said pants?

10-07-2010, 03:10 PM
Its cheaper than a vasectomy.

If facebook is a social network, what's an anti-social network?

10-07-2010, 03:23 PM

Why is Pluto no longer a planet?

10-07-2010, 05:58 PM
Mickey shortened his leash.

Why is it starting to get cold out?

10-07-2010, 08:40 PM
Because of the Third Law of Thermodynamics, Entropy. The earth's core and the surrounding atmosphere are constantly losing energy and therefore cooling. Soon there will be another ice age, and the prehistoric squirrel thing from the Ice Age movie will return.

Why are squirrels so fascinating?

10-07-2010, 10:13 PM
It's the fuzzy twitchy tail. Hypnotic.

Why do we call water water and not H2oer

10-07-2010, 10:31 PM
The Caveman Marketing Association, who originally developed and trademarked "water" would probably seek legal action against you for trying to undermine their marketing investment in the brand.

Is insomnia contagious?

10-07-2010, 10:45 PM
Why, yes indeed. There are currently 110 members and 214 guests who have caught the your insomnia cooties. Damn you!

Why do vampires burn up in the sunlight?

10-07-2010, 10:52 PM
They aren't using Coppertone SPF 50 Sun Block. Everyone knows that you get fried if you use the cheap stuff!

Why do stores already have Christmas Decorations on the shelves?

10-07-2010, 10:57 PM
The Christmas Decorations never left the shelves. Your mind just blanked them out after several hectic holiday months. Now your mind is starting to recover, and you can sense the decorations again.

Why is there a horse on the INTJf banner?

10-08-2010, 06:00 AM
It represents the INTJ perception that we are all sexy stallions.

Why did Fox cancel Futurama?

10-08-2010, 07:27 AM
Fox cancelled Futurama because the present has taken an alternate course that will make the future into something far worse than any can imagine. Fox is doing their part not to provide any false hopes.

Who decides the value of money.

10-08-2010, 03:33 PM
peter griffin

why do dogs hike their leg when they pee?

10-08-2010, 06:37 PM
Because they secretly desire to pee all over the toilet seat, like some other species. They just can't do that if they pee straight down.

Why does wood float on water?

10-09-2010, 05:19 AM
Because they never did get along.

Why are leaf blowers so darned noisy?

10-09-2010, 10:10 AM
It's a safety thing so that others know you are around.

Why do leeches suck blood?

10-09-2010, 10:30 AM
Because it's more effective than taking money.

Why do dogs bark?

10-09-2010, 12:09 PM
Because they look funny when they meow.

Why are we here?

10-09-2010, 12:23 PM
To kill and dissect other's dreams.

Why are we sane?

10-09-2010, 02:26 PM
Because there's not enough immersion in sanity. (insanity)

What kind of nuts does a nut-house contain?

10-12-2010, 03:10 AM
The really good ones actually house assorted nuts. Macadamia's are rare though, as they are pretty pricey.

Why does water boil at 212F/100C?

10-12-2010, 05:15 AM
Well, if 0C is 0% boiling, than 100C must be 100% boiling. Obviously.

Why does there exist the stereotype that men who drive big trucks are assholes?

10-12-2010, 06:46 AM
They spend so much time sitting in the trucks that their assholes develop sentience and begin influencing their behavior. It's really not their fault, studies have shown that their kind and gentle souls are trapped inside, unable to resist the will of their very own recta.

How much does one magic cost?

10-12-2010, 06:21 PM
1/10th of a minor mana potion.

Why do doughnuts have holes in them?

10-12-2010, 06:23 PM
They're nuts!

What's the point of being a robot?

10-12-2010, 08:13 PM
You've made me nihilistic other than an overpowering desire to kill you.

What's the point?

10-12-2010, 08:42 PM
The red thing.

Are you ready for some football?

10-13-2010, 06:47 AM
I will be, as soon as they resolve the football/soccer naming issue.

What causes baldness?

10-13-2010, 06:51 AM
Lack of hair in your diet. Don't worry, Synchronicity, just fish out what you can from the shower drain and make a smoothie. Your mane will be flowing before you know it.

How can you tell when socks are on too tight?

10-13-2010, 07:36 AM
You eyes pop out of your head. A side benefit is that it also squeezes the hair out of your head, which can be sold at a hefty premium to SmoothieKing.

What causes brain freeze?

10-13-2010, 08:10 AM
Gray matter going on strike due to a lack of winterwear.

Is intentionally not saving someone's life the same as killing them?

10-13-2010, 03:26 PM
No. In that case, it's improving the gene pool.

Where does candy come from?

10-13-2010, 03:37 PM
She was born in St. Louis, but moved to Las Vegas in 2007 and changed her name. You can see her Friday through Sunday at The Bunny Ranch.

Why does my computer keep locking up?

10-13-2010, 03:43 PM
Because it doesn't want to let burglars walk right in, obviously.

Where did the idea of making a drink out of beans (coffee) come from?

10-13-2010, 05:52 PM
One mother thought to herself ~Kids don't like to eat beans, perhaps they might drink them......~

What else would be better to drink than eat?

10-14-2010, 01:58 AM
Hot dogs.

What time is next Tuesday?

10-14-2010, 07:10 AM

Why do people get drunk?

10-14-2010, 11:32 AM
To commune with the occupants of the unseen world.

Why is hair good or bad depending upon its location on the body?

10-14-2010, 11:43 AM
Hair is always bad. That's why it must be punished by being whacked with a brush, razered off or smothered with gels.

Why does belly button lint smell funky?

10-14-2010, 01:14 PM
How do you know it does?

Would someone order a pizza, please?

10-14-2010, 01:20 PM
Pizza! Yes you pizza, smell my belly button lint and tell me what you think.

There consider your pizza properly ordered. Would you like me to bully it as well? Cause I can you know.

How do I get more cow bell?

10-14-2010, 04:39 PM
Get a fever.

How does my body make more blood?

10-14-2010, 05:55 PM
With every blink of your eyes.

Where do wormy apples come from?

10-14-2010, 07:24 PM
Elves. They drill little holes in the apples and plug them up with worms.

Where is the other half of the rainbow?

10-14-2010, 07:44 PM
What makes you think that isn't the whole thing?

Why is it so difficult to think of a question?

10-14-2010, 07:59 PM
early onset dementia

will I ever be able to afford to retire?

10-14-2010, 08:01 PM
Only if you buy a set of all four.

Why do jack o lanterns always seem to smile?

10-14-2010, 08:06 PM
they have dirty minds

what is an imaginary number?

10-14-2010, 08:08 PM
Me having the correct lottery ticket numbers for the jackpot.

Why don't we have 13 months in a year?

10-14-2010, 08:17 PM
union contract

why do birds keep flying into my fireplace?

10-14-2010, 08:47 PM
They are jealous of the fried chicken they see on your table through your windows.

Why do people think pentagrams are bad?

10-14-2010, 09:46 PM
Because of Geometry class. *shudder*

Why does Pi have infinite digits?

10-14-2010, 09:48 PM
So he can feel you up and down all the better.

What's so special about those hyperabolas?

10-15-2010, 04:47 AM
They are hyped up on sugar and caffeine and keep messing up the parallel lines

What is a 404 error?

10-15-2010, 08:51 PM
409 cleaner gone bad.

What is the best aerosol to huff?

10-15-2010, 09:12 PM
Hair spray. Look good and feel good.

Who discovered whippets?

10-15-2010, 09:34 PM
It was a group effort by some masochistic community.

What is desperation good for?

10-16-2010, 06:08 PM
Keeping one motivated.

What triggers inspiration?

10-16-2010, 06:10 PM
An M1 Garand.

What makes people itchy?

10-16-2010, 06:45 PM
Areas of tiny nonexistence.

Where are fleas fleeing from?

10-16-2010, 07:25 PM
The Circus

What's the best thing to do with a big top?

alt lit
10-16-2010, 07:30 PM
Stand it on a big bottom.

How deep is the bottom from here?

10-16-2010, 08:07 PM
It's all relative to the bottom of your beer mug.

What is the condition of the shadow government?

10-16-2010, 08:08 PM
It's in the dark.

Of what use is Aquaman?

10-16-2010, 08:14 PM
He can find all the best sushi restaraunts for you as he tracks down his missing friends.

Why are most horror movies cheesy rather than scary?

10-16-2010, 10:42 PM
because people who are lactose-intolerant are afraid of cheese.

Why do i sneeze every time i look at the sun?

10-16-2010, 10:47 PM
Allergies to the light. I know your pain.

What is Adam West up to now a-days?

Taste of peat
10-17-2010, 08:21 AM
He changed his name and now people call him Adam East.

Why is it so cold here whereas we're still in october ?

10-17-2010, 09:29 AM
The witches are baring theit teats.

What do the witches do on X-mas?

10-17-2010, 02:45 PM
wait for Satan Claus

what would be a good Christmas gift for my mother?

10-17-2010, 10:09 PM
To be completely potty trained.

What do you want for Halloween?

10-17-2010, 10:21 PM
Toothpaste and a toothbrush

How do you decorate for Halloween?

10-17-2010, 11:54 PM
Santa and her bunnies.

What are the best gifts?

10-17-2010, 11:56 PM
lumps of coal on Christmas

What is an encyclopedia?

10-17-2010, 11:57 PM
A spider trap.

What is a manual transmission?

10-17-2010, 11:59 PM
A guide on how to use radios

How far is the distance from earth to the sun?

10-18-2010, 08:27 AM
Just a shake of an Anaknoki's tail.

How do demons influence us from day to day?

10-18-2010, 02:10 PM
The same as we do marionettes.

Why do cats purr?

10-18-2010, 06:37 PM
Get their motor running.

Why do some people think pickup trucks are cool?

10-18-2010, 06:48 PM
There is a lot of ventilation if you ride in the back.

Why do chimneys need cleaned?

10-18-2010, 10:01 PM

Will jonnyb let me ride in the back of his pickup truck?

10-18-2010, 11:14 PM
Only if you provide the beer.

why is beer the currency of the future?

10-19-2010, 11:40 AM
Easy to smuggle across State lines.

Where is the second door on the left?

10-19-2010, 05:31 PM
Behind you and around the corner to the right.

Where did my energy go?

10-19-2010, 05:50 PM
The rabbit took it.

Where is the popcorn?

10-19-2010, 07:47 PM
Unfortunately, popcorn's older brother poopcorn took its place.

Why do people get headaches?

10-20-2010, 09:02 AM
To cure cancer.

Why are some smells more repulsive than others?

10-20-2010, 11:52 AM
animal magnetism

Is caffeine a drug?

10-20-2010, 07:14 PM
Only if it's huffed.

How can I get Chad to permanantly leave me alone?

10-20-2010, 07:52 PM
open a bookstore.

why are those lights flashing?

10-20-2010, 09:59 PM
the mothership is about to land

should I go to bed now?

10-20-2010, 10:02 PM
Only if it's going to be on a bed of nails, otherwise, wait for another hour.

Why does my phone battery seem like it's always dead?

10-20-2010, 10:35 PM
It's phony.

Where's the best place to be homeless?

10-24-2010, 06:53 AM
a monastery.

is there a cure for arthritis?

10-24-2010, 08:11 AM
Amputation has proven to be the most effective cure for arthritis. Minimal side effects, other than the need for prosthetics or a full time assistant to do all those pesky tasks that would require the removed appendage.

Why do they call it grapefruit?

10-24-2010, 09:23 AM
To distinguish them from grapes, which aren't actually fruits, but alien seedlings that must be eaten by humans regularly lest they hatch and kill everyone.

Why do insects have compound eyes?

10-25-2010, 08:31 AM
One of those insects got a hold of a Bedazzler when it first came out and gave all its friends multiple eyes. Just look at pictures from before it was released, all of them just had two eyes.

What would happen to criminals if crime were decriminalized?

10-25-2010, 10:01 AM
The would become Republicians.

Why is rain wet?

10-25-2010, 03:56 PM
if it weren't, it'd be a dry martini.

should one ever put ice in a glass of wine?

10-25-2010, 04:01 PM

Why do some pumpkins grow so big?

10-25-2010, 04:07 PM
They needed hormone replacement therapy.

Why does the sun rise in the east?

10-25-2010, 04:08 PM
charlie brown forgot to kill them off.

why is my clock flashing?

10-25-2010, 04:12 PM
It has attention deficit disorder.

What should I be doing now?

10-25-2010, 04:14 PM
poking your eye out with a hot rod.

how many ways are there to skin a cat?

10-25-2010, 04:35 PM

How many skins does it take to make a mink coat?

10-26-2010, 12:07 AM
Less then Nawgahid skins.

Will I ever learn to spell?

10-26-2010, 05:23 PM
Only if struck by lightening - again.

What are the FBs up to when they're quiet?

10-26-2010, 06:54 PM
As an INTJ, I know for a fact that anytime *anything* is quiet, it is planning to take over the world. Cats in particular exemplify this trait.

P.S. I have no idea what an FB is, but I know that the above is true in any event.

Why are foxes sly?

10-26-2010, 07:05 PM
To see better.

Why is it dark?

10-26-2010, 07:15 PM
Because you're in an alley.

Why do people use emoticons?

10-26-2010, 08:22 PM
Their faces are frozen by botulism.

Yum, yum, yummy, what's in my tummy?

10-26-2010, 08:43 PM
RedOrange's legs ... um, King gopher?

Why do RPG's always have dungeons?

10-26-2010, 08:56 PM
The roots of them are D + D. You can't have dragons w/out dungeons.

Why do professional athletes of team sports make so much money?

10-26-2010, 10:12 PM
They're all drug kingpins. It's pretty much a requirement to join the team.

How can ice be formed on the sun?

10-26-2010, 10:37 PM
A group of at least 13 INTJs must gather and perform the dreaded INTJ death stare directly at the sun. Ice will soon follow.

Why do mathematicians use Greek letters?

10-27-2010, 09:37 AM
Jealousy of not being allowed into fraternities.

Why do many mens' eyes gravitate toward looking at breasts?

10-27-2010, 12:49 PM

Where is everyone?

10-27-2010, 02:05 PM
Hiding under rocks.

Will things get better?

Taste of peat
10-27-2010, 04:27 PM
Depends on what things you are talking about. If the things are my goods, I think they will be a billion dollars worth soon. If the things are cats and mouses, they'll probably all die from heart attacks. Or laughter.

Why do I have holes in my socks ?

10-27-2010, 04:37 PM
To put them on.

What kind of game is this?

10-28-2010, 06:10 AM
Apparently the kind at which you suck.

Do you feel a kinship with black holes?

10-28-2010, 10:08 AM
But of course!! Everything I touch seems to disappear.

Why doesn't this nice weather last for more than one day at a time?

10-28-2010, 03:49 PM
It does, just not there.

Why is my dog so wierd?

Taste of peat
10-28-2010, 04:20 PM
Because of mimetism. Now his behaviour is the same as yours.

Why am I fascinated by very huge boobs ?

10-28-2010, 04:44 PM
Your calcium deficiency's to blame.

What is anathema to anathema?

10-28-2010, 05:17 PM
pork chops

how many times have you gone cow tipping?

10-28-2010, 05:39 PM
Every time I go out to eat. I only tip 15% so they usually just wobble back to normal.

Why is malingering looked down upon?

10-28-2010, 06:15 PM
it is?

what's picture perfect?

10-28-2010, 06:31 PM
When the top edge of the frame is perfectly level.

How did Emma get such fabulous abs?

10-28-2010, 06:33 PM
Big bucks.

What is the reason for food carts?

10-28-2010, 07:55 PM
Drink carts were feeling lonely.

What is the maximum pressure the human body can withstand?

10-28-2010, 07:57 PM
Right below the pressure that kills fleas.

Why do I keep eating these damn chips?!

10-28-2010, 10:47 PM
Because the chips are laced with marijuana. Munchies!

Why is chocolate bad for dogs?

10-29-2010, 07:07 AM
Because they'd deplete your own supply. Let them have dog biscuits, bananas, raw hides, and even some of your old socks, but never chocolate!

Why is it bad to be fashionably late?

10-29-2010, 03:14 PM
Its good to be unfashionable.

What's the latest trend?

10-29-2010, 08:41 PM
Giving JonnyB 20$

What will it take to get everyone to follow the latest trend?

10-29-2010, 08:43 PM
Gummy Bears.

Why is my house full of fog?

10-29-2010, 08:46 PM
It's really the ghost of my dead aunt that I left for you last August.

How can I be a good negotiator?

10-29-2010, 08:59 PM
Use the same bullets for everyone.

What should I ask next?

10-29-2010, 09:37 PM
'What should I give JonnyB for Halloween?' is what you should ask next.

How can I get the messed up information removed from PACS?

10-30-2010, 11:59 AM
Unplug it.

Who invented the internet?

10-30-2010, 02:38 PM
Bill Gates, of course. Actually, he stole the idea from Al Gore and shamelessly re-packaged the concept in order to amass great personal wealth.

Who invented Windows?

10-30-2010, 03:18 PM

Why is it daylight?