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View Full Version : I'm So Bored; Please Amuse Me - The Wrong Answer Game


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maddhatter
08-01-2010, 08:03 AM
By ordering the mice to do it

How to stop a smoker from smoking?

Synchronicity
08-01-2010, 12:10 PM
Submerge them in water.

Why does u always follow q?

Cooper
08-01-2010, 12:22 PM
Drafting.

Why are there clouds?

EmmaKynikos
08-01-2010, 04:52 PM
so the sun can blow its nose on something.

what's the best answer you can come up with?

Seriously
08-01-2010, 06:31 PM
69


How old is God?

EmmaKynikos
08-01-2010, 06:33 PM
42

why drive when you can fly?

Seriously
08-01-2010, 06:37 PM
Scenery. And control. How well do you know those pilots really?


What are spider webs made of?

EmmaKynikos
08-01-2010, 06:46 PM
spiders, duh.

when is the best time to juggle?

Seriously
08-01-2010, 06:50 PM
Anytime is a good time to juggle. Tumbling on the other hand should only be done after 12.



Why are clowns sad?

GouldFan
08-01-2010, 06:52 PM
Forgot how to make that balloon teddy bear and a little girl asked for it.

Why do plants wilt?

EmmaKynikos
08-01-2010, 06:53 PM
popcorn gets stuck in my teeth.

have i asked the question 'when do pigs fly' already?

Seriously
08-01-2010, 06:57 PM
no and they fly when they need to get somewhere quickly.


What is a "crap shoot"?

EmmaKynikos
08-01-2010, 07:01 PM
its when you have to run to the bathroom, you don't make it, and you say "shoot".

can dogs smell the truth?

Seriously
08-01-2010, 07:07 PM
Yes. And the truth lies in our crotch. Explains a lot, doesn't it?



Why can't you teach dogs to use a litter box like cats?

GouldFan
08-01-2010, 07:09 PM
Dogs think outside the box.

Why can't you eat moldy bread?

Synchronicity
08-01-2010, 07:11 PM
Mold is high in fiber, which makes the bread too healthy for the diet of a modern person.

How are marshmallows made?

GouldFan
08-01-2010, 07:18 PM
By budding off of the marshmallow man. If you put a marshmallow in a pan and nourish it, it will grow into a marshmallow man and you get free marshmallows for rest of your life. :shhh:

What's at the end of a rainbow?

EmmaKynikos
08-01-2010, 07:28 PM
utopia.

who delivers at this hour?

Seriously
08-01-2010, 07:36 PM
The Easter Bunny.


Why do Canadians say "Eh"?

GouldFan
08-01-2010, 07:36 PM
Midwives and tooth fairies

Why is mozarella cheese so stringly and cheesy? :cheesy:

EmmaKynikos
08-01-2010, 07:41 PM
it's what the cheese god ordained.

what's behind door number one?

GouldFan
08-01-2010, 07:54 PM
Cookie monster! Gotta guard my cookie jar!

Why do people blush when they get embarassed?

reiven
08-02-2010, 03:27 AM
because embarrassed is a mid-point between jovial and angry. the closer you get to angry, the higher the blood pressure, causing the face to light up reddish.

what is the difference between ceramic and porcelain?

MortalWombat
08-02-2010, 05:04 AM
The income of the person buying it.

What causes weird dreams?

GenessorDios
08-02-2010, 05:05 AM
That's very good. How did you know that was the question that gets most people raped in prison?

Can I have a candlelight breakfast?

Edit: MortalWombat! *shakes fist*

MortalWombat
08-02-2010, 05:15 AM
Sorry, Gen. :embarrassed:

Only if you plan on eating the candles.


Why does my dog stare at me?

GenessorDios
08-02-2010, 05:25 AM
You're such a sloppy eater, you probably got bits of steak trapped in your beard. Feed that poor creature, would you?!

Who decides what's impossible?

MortalWombat
08-02-2010, 05:33 AM
The president, obviously.

Are there people on Mars?

Synchronicity
08-02-2010, 05:35 AM
Yes, but good luck trying to send a package to them.

How can you improve your odds of winning the lottery?

GenessorDios
08-02-2010, 05:58 AM
Reduce the evens.

Which is a good day to die?

SuperSmart101
08-02-2010, 08:18 AM
The day vampires are proven to be real.

What causes supernovas?

Synchronicity
08-02-2010, 02:36 PM
Stars get bored of doing nothing but fuse hydrogen into helium for billions of years and explode in a fit of ennui.

How do silencers work?

GouldFan
08-02-2010, 02:37 PM
It plugs your ears so you don't hear anything.

Why do people get goosebumps?

EmmaKynikos
08-02-2010, 06:18 PM
because you have to be really cold to get ducklumps

does getting pricked by a porcupine hurt?

Cooper
08-02-2010, 07:24 PM
Only on Tuesdays.

Do dogs ever shut up?

WoodsWoman
08-03-2010, 04:01 AM
Only on the day of the second full moon in a given month - it confuses them.

What does the future hold?

GenessorDios
08-03-2010, 08:28 AM
Nothing, once I've burned the photographic proof.

Do you think a Camelot to drink so much?

EmmaKynikos
08-03-2010, 05:49 PM
nope. that's why i suggested AA.

is it too late to take a walk?

aok
08-03-2010, 06:49 PM
Not if you run.

What's your opinion on the military?

EmmaKynikos
08-03-2010, 07:08 PM
nobody cares what my opinion is

how deep is the rabbit hole?

WoodsWoman
08-04-2010, 01:13 PM
As deep as a thought.

What if I had gills?

GouldFan
08-04-2010, 01:18 PM
Get bloated for swimming too much. Make sure to drink osmotically balanced beverages. ;)

Why do hair grow when you don't get any taller?

MortalWombat
08-04-2010, 01:55 PM
Hair doesn't grow; you shrink.

why are people rude?

aok
08-04-2010, 05:01 PM
It makes them feel more powerful

What is your belief system?

MortalWombat
08-04-2010, 06:37 PM
alphabetic.

Why doesn't my mouse want to cooperate?

reiven
08-04-2010, 06:47 PM
all mice come with explicit instructions to keep debris away from the sensor. your repeated refusal to do so caused an electronic message to be sent to the manufacturer, who has since disabled 30% capacity of your device. if you do not regularly maintain the sensor, the next program has the mouse work perfectly for 10 seconds, and then kick off for three; rinse repeat.

you need to take this serious.

MortalWombat
08-04-2010, 06:49 PM
Wasn't this the wrong answer game?

reiven
08-04-2010, 06:52 PM
it was the wrong answer because i went the mfg technician went strait to the 10 on 3 off thing.

this is still techically a rumor, as far as you can prove

MortalWombat
08-04-2010, 06:54 PM
:thinking:

Or is it?

WoodsWoman
08-04-2010, 07:06 PM
Due to misalignment of Pluto with Mickey Mouse it won't work.

Why is it so hard to breath when it's humid?

N0c7urn3
08-04-2010, 07:41 PM
Because water in vapour form is actually toxic, and induces asthma-like breathing problems.

Why do tree trunks have rings that correlate to their age?

reiven
08-04-2010, 07:56 PM
they are painted in chocolate by union wage keebler elves

what is the difference between a troll and a goblin?

MortalWombat
08-04-2010, 07:57 PM
the place they live.

What's the difference between smeagol and golum?

EmmaKynikos
08-04-2010, 08:30 PM
pancakes.

how do plants grow without a brain?

datagirl
08-04-2010, 09:00 PM
Same way that my husband did.

What is the fuzzy stuff on the leftovers in my frig?

EmmaKynikos
08-04-2010, 09:06 PM
appetizing.

what's the rush?

datagirl
08-04-2010, 09:44 PM
termites.

Why are the polar ice caps melting?

Sazeriel
08-04-2010, 10:02 PM
To cool our swimming pools

How do birds have sex?

Margot
08-04-2010, 10:08 PM
They copy the bees.

What's that weird noise outside my window?

datagirl
08-04-2010, 10:25 PM
Bees having sex

I want to make brownies but I don't have any cocoa in the pantry. What can I substitute for the cocoa in the recipe?

Desmond Linus
08-04-2010, 11:01 PM
Onions.

What is Xanthan Gum?

GouldFan
08-05-2010, 12:46 AM
It's that thing you eat a lot without ever remembering having eaten any.

Why do people get offended when they are treated as objects, and not humans?

Synchronicity
08-05-2010, 04:47 AM
Because it just reminds them that objects have value, and that their pathetic human life is worth nothing.

Why do women wear high heels?

MortalWombat
08-05-2010, 05:51 AM
They're secret weapons. The heel usually encases a dagger.

Where is home?

Sazeriel
08-05-2010, 07:27 AM
A bulging organ inside your ribcage.

What's the opposite of love?

jonnyb
08-05-2010, 07:52 AM
Friendship

Why be just friends when the option of bitter enemies is still available?

Sazeriel
08-05-2010, 08:02 AM
To mooch for free stuff and a place to crash when need be.

Why do people think penguins so cute?

GenessorDios
08-05-2010, 08:18 AM
They're projecting their leftover feelings from the dodo.

I want to grow taller; how do I achieve this?

MortalWombat
08-05-2010, 01:23 PM
wear those heels you bought last week.

Why wont he leave me alone?

aok
08-05-2010, 02:22 PM
He's giving you the glad hand.

What's the right answer to the wrong question?

MortalWombat
08-05-2010, 02:25 PM
Any answer will do.

What is moo shu gai pan?

EmmaKynikos
08-05-2010, 03:19 PM
a chinese cow.

how quick is quick sand?

Sazeriel
08-05-2010, 06:59 PM
Quicker than a slow cooker.

Why are turtles so slow?

Desmond Linus
08-05-2010, 08:50 PM
They haven't discovered cocaine yet.

Why do metronomes click?

Sazeriel
08-05-2010, 09:01 PM
They don't like to tap.

What's the different between frogs and toads?

jonnyb
08-05-2010, 09:19 PM
Kissability.

Why don't people go to a specific area to die like whales?

Synchronicity
08-06-2010, 05:39 AM
Because the whales have already reserved them.

Why is the sun hot?

jonnyb
08-06-2010, 05:51 AM
Anger issues.

Why do loosers show up at the most inopportune time?

newday
08-06-2010, 06:48 AM
They love to eat leftovers.

How dogs befriend cats?

jonnyb
08-06-2010, 06:57 AM
They threaten the cats with their lives to act like friends.

How many cats does it take to make a violin string?

newday
08-06-2010, 07:10 AM
1, the other 8 ran away

What is the proper way of driving a motorcycle?

jonnyb
08-06-2010, 09:06 AM
With a horse whip and spurs whilst drinking a Guinness.

Why do people consistantly show up late for their appointments?

Desmond Linus
08-06-2010, 11:57 AM
They have trouble opening doors.

Why are they called goosebumps?

EmmaKynikos
08-06-2010, 06:15 PM
its a translation from french, meaning 'asked and answered'

when's the circus coming to town?

MortalWombat
08-06-2010, 06:17 PM
they're here already, they didn't call you?

Why can't I find inspiration?

EmmaKynikos
08-06-2010, 06:20 PM
not enough idle time.

why do axe murderers live in the woods?

MortalWombat
08-06-2010, 06:22 PM
They practice murdering trees with their axe.

Where is he?

EmmaKynikos
08-06-2010, 06:25 PM
gone with the wind.

when's the best time to pack for a trip?

MortalWombat
08-06-2010, 06:26 PM
Yesterday.

Why am I dizzy?

EmmaKynikos
08-06-2010, 06:29 PM
that'll happen if you sniff too many coffee grinds

is crack really whack?

datagirl
08-06-2010, 08:04 PM
It is for plumbers

How can I learn Spanish?

Sazeriel
08-06-2010, 08:07 PM
Eat some tacos

How can I learn pig latin?

EmmaKynikos
08-06-2010, 08:08 PM
eat raw pork.

where is that plane going?

datagirl
08-06-2010, 08:12 PM
Gone with the Wind

What is the greatest movie ever made?

Seriously
08-06-2010, 08:48 PM
Grease. It has everything.


Why do some mushrooms make you dream and others kill you?

Sazeriel
08-06-2010, 09:23 PM
It's all about the color.

Why is there no such thing as a free lunch?

newday
08-06-2010, 10:53 PM
Because you still have enough cash to buy an empty plate.

How do beards differ from each other?

jonnyb
08-07-2010, 01:27 AM
mites. Some adhere more than others.

Why do my eyelids get heavy when I am tired?

reiven
08-07-2010, 02:42 AM
because you usually bathe when you wake. going for long periods of time without bathing allows the eyelids to accumulate debris (organic and otherwise) which impedes their function.

how much coffee is required for one to levitate?

MortalWombat
08-07-2010, 05:37 AM
3.14 cups

Why am I being so lazy this morning?

aok
08-07-2010, 07:16 AM
Because there's no one to dance with.


Why does time keep going?

GenessorDios
08-07-2010, 08:24 AM
It had too much to drink.

What's the difference between sambo and samba?

EmmaKynikos
08-07-2010, 08:26 AM
a and o.

is it too early to start drinking?

WoodsWoman
08-07-2010, 06:46 PM
Of course - it's 6 AM somewhere.

Why do mice like cheese?

jonnyb
08-07-2010, 08:22 PM
It squeeks for them when they eat it.

What would happen if all the women in New York City flushed a tampon down a toilet all at the same time?

datagirl
08-07-2010, 10:32 PM
high tide

why is the road to hell paved with good intentions?

jonnyb
08-07-2010, 10:37 PM
Because the road to heaven is paved with punished good deeds.

What is the best material to use for a lightning rod?

datagirl
08-07-2010, 10:39 PM
reiven

Is Pluto a planet?

jonnyb
08-07-2010, 10:41 PM
No, he's mickey's dog.

What is the secret ingredient in floor wax that makes it so shiney?

datagirl
08-07-2010, 10:45 PM
spit

Why is it bad manners to pick your nose in public?

jonnyb
08-07-2010, 10:52 PM
There's just not enough to share with everyone. Just like having candy in elementary school.

Why do religions portray the devil as a male?

aok
08-07-2010, 11:19 PM
Because they'd get claims of being sexist if portrayed as female.


Why is Buddha so fat?

jonnyb
08-07-2010, 11:43 PM
Not fat, he's just got really big bones.

Why do people who claim to not be addicted to things exhibit shame when confronted with that inquirey?

newday
08-08-2010, 07:12 AM
They are actually addicted to shame and are proud of it

Why do people need to smile?

jonnyb
08-08-2010, 07:21 AM
To keep their jobs.

Why do I keep taking extra shifts?

newday
08-08-2010, 07:25 AM
To dodge enough sandfall ruining your neck bones.

Why are there so called "weirdos"?

jonnyb
08-08-2010, 07:28 AM
To help control the yuppie population.

Why are yuppies so brain dead?

aok
08-08-2010, 07:31 AM
The ties they wear prevent blood flow to the brain.

Why don't hippies stand on the corner offering free love?

newday
08-08-2010, 07:31 AM
They hung their brains inside their butt.

How do we start a good fight?

jonnyb
08-08-2010, 07:35 AM
Something about putting sand on a line.

Why can't I use aluminum knuckles instead of the brass ones?

newday
08-08-2010, 07:37 AM
It will kill all your carpal muscles to a dough.

Do snail mail still exist?

reiven
08-08-2010, 07:38 AM
because aluminum knuckles don't show up in airport scanners. what fun is it if no one catches you?

because they don't have fingers for typing PMs

why don't ants organize into a union?

jonnyb
08-08-2010, 07:40 AM
Little guys like to be heard the most.

Who is in control of the railroads?

reiven
08-08-2010, 07:41 AM
the monocled monopoly dood.

how bad does the B&O railroad smell?

newday
08-08-2010, 07:43 AM
So bad that it will shatter all your good moments in life.

How does a human differ from apes?

reiven
08-08-2010, 07:45 AM
humans sling shit in political ads
*remembers this is the wrong answer thread*
the difference is apes have two extra ribs

is saturated fat really bad for you?

newday
08-08-2010, 07:47 AM
Unless you inject it inside your brain.

Where can we find suicide notes?

jonnyb
08-08-2010, 07:55 AM
Pre-written in FBI agents briefcases.

Why 13 wraps on a noose, why knot 12 or 14...?

newday
08-08-2010, 07:57 AM
It was once left in a fairy tale with a good ending.

Why do siblings fight?

reiven
08-08-2010, 07:58 AM
13 knots gives a nice tilt to the broken neck

big money on pay per view, especially if they are twins

why do people clean up on sunday?

newday
08-08-2010, 08:07 AM
to prevent mental retardation.

How do people keep their houses secured?

jonnyb
08-08-2010, 08:08 AM
Bungee cords and earwax.

Why do I have to have car insurance to drive?

reiven
08-08-2010, 08:10 AM
because the gummint intends to take over that, too

what is the smallest thing known to mankind?

jonnyb
08-08-2010, 08:13 AM
Social security reserves.

How will I know?

GenessorDios
08-08-2010, 08:17 AM
It will hit you in the gut like a punch. Ignore the man walking away with bruised knuckles and go do what you know you have to.

Is it time to change the lights?

reiven
08-08-2010, 02:38 PM
yes. though quaint, your london era gas lamps coat everything in a petrol smelling film

how do you make cellophane?

MortalWombat
08-08-2010, 04:08 PM
impossible.

where can I buy a flamethrower?

reiven
08-08-2010, 04:10 PM
many east coast home depots now have an Acme Tool Rental built into the store. they've been out of rockets since august 2nd, but flamethrowers they have.

how do you etch crystal?

WoodsWoman
08-08-2010, 06:54 PM
By glaring at it.

How do you turn lead to gold?

Seriously
08-08-2010, 06:57 PM
fairy dust. From dead fairies. Blonde ones.


How many cats can you fit in a phone booth?

datagirl
08-08-2010, 08:37 PM
One puss in booth

Is Tinkerbell gay?

newday
08-08-2010, 08:44 PM
Yes, she is very gay to find Peter Pan in her life

What must be done in case of emergency?

datagirl
08-08-2010, 08:58 PM
Take some pixie dust and call me in the morning

Do cell phones cause brain cancer?

TypeINTP
08-09-2010, 02:18 AM
Not at all, they make you smarter ...

How can you make some money?

reiven
08-09-2010, 03:13 AM
some special paper, some ink, a few plates...

how does an atm card work?

TypeINTP
08-09-2010, 04:36 AM
The guy inside the machine takes the card, counts the money, and give it to you !

How can you fix a computer ?

datagirl
08-09-2010, 06:58 AM
wash it with soap and water

How do you fix a cat?

TypeINTP
08-09-2010, 08:26 AM
1st life: Slice it's throat with a razor ...
2nd life: Set it's fuzzy fur on fire ...
3rd life: Silence her sweet "meows" underwater ...
4th life: Throw it's cute tiny body of the window ...
5th life: Tie it's small legs to a rail road ...
6th life: Pop it's wide cute sparkling eyes with a screw driver ...
7th life: Shoot it's brains out with a 12Gauge ...
8th life: Hammer some nails in it's small cute skull ...
9th life: nah .. i think the ninth life is just a myth.

How can you tame a lion ???

Minerva
08-09-2010, 08:35 AM
You give it your blood.

What does TypeINTP hate cats so much?

WoodsWoman
08-09-2010, 07:53 PM
One teased him unmercifully when he was just a lad.

Wherefore art thou Romeo? - - - - Romeo? Who's Romeo?

jonnyb
08-09-2010, 11:42 PM
Related to Cameo and found only in the bottom of a tequilla bottle.

What's the function of time?

TypeINTP
08-10-2010, 12:44 AM
To help you ALWAYS be late !

How do processors work?

WoodsWoman
08-10-2010, 08:47 AM
They have mexican jumping beans in them.

Why must it be so hot outside?

MortalWombat
08-10-2010, 04:05 PM
The sun has a crush on you; it wants to be as close as possible without warranting a restraining order, or burnt edges.

When will it be winter?

reiven
08-10-2010, 05:37 PM
in just under three metric years

what is the viscosity of all natural honey?

MortalWombat
08-10-2010, 05:38 PM
delicious

what will I dream about?

EmmaKynikos
08-10-2010, 06:05 PM
snips and snails and puppy dog tails

why is mary quite contrary?

aok
08-10-2010, 06:07 PM
She had a little lamb.

Why is Christmas merry?

EmmaKynikos
08-10-2010, 06:09 PM
juniper berries

when's the best time to exhale?

aok
08-10-2010, 06:13 PM
After waiting.

What's the difference between working out and manual labor?

EmmaKynikos
08-10-2010, 06:16 PM
one uses an ice pick, the other an axe.

who's your daddy?

aok
08-10-2010, 06:20 PM
The one who says "yo son"

Who's the father to the sun?

EmmaKynikos
08-10-2010, 06:38 PM
judas

why so many questions?

datagirl
08-10-2010, 08:57 PM
multiple personalities

Does Pizza Hut deliver to my neighborhood?

jonnyb
08-10-2010, 09:05 PM
Only with armed escorts....who pole dance.

Why does my LT side hurt for no apparant reason?

MassHysteria
08-10-2010, 09:20 PM
Elves have been attacking you while you sleep. Also cobbling your shoes.

Why do I start craving breakfast cereal at exactly the same time every single night?

jonnyb
08-10-2010, 10:19 PM
So you can have some blue diamond, pink heart and purple horseshoe psychedelic dreams at night.

Why is the leprechaun’s name Lucky?

MassHysteria
08-10-2010, 10:26 PM
Because he's got the luck of the Irish. It's not always good luck, it's not always bad luck, it's just luck.

Why is absolutely everything with the name ''Tiffany'' so expensive?

jonnyb
08-10-2010, 10:35 PM
False advertising and a unconfrontational public.

Why do doctors order exams for people that they themselves would not submit to?

MassHysteria
08-10-2010, 10:41 PM
Patient turnover rate. The faster the old ones die, the faster new ones come in.

Why do so many good actors sign up for such crappy films?

jonnyb
08-10-2010, 10:54 PM
Edipus syndrome.

What would happen if the Toxic Avenger's girlfriend could see?

MassHysteria
08-10-2010, 10:57 PM
She'd probably leave him for Quasimodo.

Why can't I sleep?

jonnyb
08-10-2010, 11:06 PM
All the sharks that are swimming on your floor when the lights go out are getting to you more than usual tonight.

How is it that sharks mysteriously swim on bedroom floors in the dark?

MassHysteria
08-10-2010, 11:09 PM
They're looking for Gilda Radner and Laraine Newman. (To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 15 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.)

Why isn't SNL reliably funny anymore?

jonnyb
08-10-2010, 11:19 PM
It is for those who eat fried spam and like everything served from a can.

How did people ever start to eat the by product of a chicken's menstrual cycle (eggs)?

MassHysteria
08-10-2010, 11:22 PM
For the same reason people drink the discharge from a bovine's mammary glands. Somebody, at some point, said to himself, ''Hey, I think I'll squeeze that and drink whatever comes out.''

When is the end of the world coming?

jonnyb
08-10-2010, 11:26 PM
12-22-2012. Although some argue it will be 12-21-2012. I have my $$ on the latter. Either way, if I am wrong, I won't have to pay up.

Why can't hookers and escorts just get along?

MortalWombat
08-11-2010, 06:30 AM
Bad for business

Why would anyone want to be President?

GenessorDios
08-11-2010, 06:42 AM
The shoe closet in the White House is two storeys high.

Who came up with the name Snickers?

aok
08-11-2010, 03:02 PM
People laughing at capitalist consumers while consuming the toll of their consumption.

How do you taste the rainbow?

Cooper
08-11-2010, 03:24 PM
breathe deep

Why do that?

aok
08-11-2010, 03:34 PM
To keep living.


Who is Dr. Who?

MassHysteria
08-11-2010, 03:41 PM
First baseman with a PhD.

How do you get a ship in a bottle?

Desmond Linus
08-11-2010, 03:46 PM
By catching the east wind.

How do you solve a Rubik's Cube?

WoodsWoman
08-11-2010, 08:39 PM
With a sledge hammer.

How do you make blond brownies?

jonnyb
08-11-2010, 09:10 PM
Add bleach, lots of it.

What's the best treatment for a sad finger?

MassHysteria
08-11-2010, 09:46 PM
Tell it a wicked knock-knock joke and buy it another round.

Where can I find True Love's Kiss?

jonnyb
08-11-2010, 10:05 PM
You'll have to be dead in a casket and hope prince charming comes by.

What kind of kiss do I get for being partially alive and lying in a casket?

MassHysteria
08-11-2010, 10:07 PM
A warm, firm, intense kiss, followed by several sharp chest compressions, another kiss, and if all else fails, the removal of the beer and the lowering of the casket.

Why do people flake at the last minute without calling?

jonnyb
08-11-2010, 10:14 PM
They expect you to be able to pick up on the subliminal vibes they are sending you.

Why do people who continuously flake wonder why I never call them any more?

MassHysteria
08-11-2010, 10:20 PM
Because the universe revolves around them and they're wondering if you didn't get the memo.

What's the most fitting punishment for someone who's always late, always flaking and always forgetting?

jonnyb
08-11-2010, 11:21 PM
Castration seems appropriate.

What would my punishment be if I met only 1 of those three criterion?

MassHysteria
08-11-2010, 11:29 PM
In the case of always being late: Hanging.
flaking: Quartering and drawing.
forgetting: Installation of a timed electrical instrument that sends a sharp bolt to your nipples thirty minutes before the designated ''time to leave'' minute.

What is the appropriate treatment for someone who meets all three, but is female?

jonnyb
08-11-2010, 11:33 PM
Binding of the feet.

Why is it difficult to drink enough water?

MassHysteria
08-11-2010, 11:36 PM
Because it never stays where it belongs. All that sweating, salivating and peeing business just flushes it all out.

What's the least painful way to permanently curl one's hair?

jonnyb
08-11-2010, 11:49 PM
Toe in the light socket and paper clip in the outlet whilst holding onto it.

Why is there also global warming of Mars?

MassHysteria
08-11-2010, 11:51 PM
The sun is targeting us specifically, trying to tear our love apart.

What sort of fun could someone have on a weekend in Toronto?

jonnyb
08-11-2010, 11:57 PM
Skinny dipping bull chases is big I hear.

Why won't any of the Washington to British Columbia ferries let me store my travel pack so I don't have to take it through customs?

MassHysteria
08-12-2010, 12:01 AM
'Coz you're a shady-lookin hoser, eh?

Why did I miss out on the 70s??

jonnyb
08-12-2010, 12:13 AM
Because of poor cinemaphotography and sub-par special effects.

What is a common excuse you use to get out of something you don't want to do without hurting any feelings?

MassHysteria
08-12-2010, 12:15 AM
''Sorry I couldn't make your sister's wedding. I broke my leg and had to be shot.''

Is it tacky to ask for cash at a baby shower?

jonnyb
08-12-2010, 12:24 AM
Not unless you are selling the baby, then it is all just fine and an untraceable transaction.

Why don't credit card companies use Vikings to advertise their plunderous interest rates?

MassHysteria
08-12-2010, 12:27 AM
They lack the appeal of the Celtic barbarian, who is generally more likable but much more expensive.

What is the Internet made of?

jonnyb
08-12-2010, 12:33 AM
Interconnected puppie dog tails.

Why do people pursist in doing things they don't enjoy?

aok
08-12-2010, 12:51 AM
It gives them an excuse to complain, which may be their favorite thing to do.


How do you freeze time?

jonnyb
08-12-2010, 01:38 AM
In a trap of sublimated mercury.

How do you make posts here post in a decent time frame?

TypeINTP
08-12-2010, 01:46 AM
By shooting the president!

What makes an invention useful ?

Anubis
08-12-2010, 02:00 AM
No.

That answer enough? no? fine.

Inventions are useful when they can be used to eradicate intelligent people.

How could I apply to live in a space station?

TypeINTP
08-12-2010, 02:03 AM
By going to your nearest drug dealer!

What's the meaning of life ???

Anubis
08-12-2010, 02:05 AM
To divide by zero.

How do you slow down light?

TypeINTP
08-12-2010, 02:12 AM
Traffic .... or just hide its keys!

How can you make a bicycle beat a Bugatti Veron ?

Anubis
08-12-2010, 02:17 AM
Use a defibrillator on the bicycle to get it pumping.

What is global warming?

TypeINTP
08-12-2010, 02:21 AM
An evil plan devised by the government to force people to buy more ACs!

What is the lest attractive thing about a girl?

Anubis
08-12-2010, 02:28 AM
Her intelligence and female features.

How do penguins fly?

TypeINTP
08-12-2010, 02:33 AM
JFK Airport ...

What makes dope so great?

jonnyb
08-12-2010, 04:50 AM
The brush you apply it to the threads with.

Why do people who are in a relationship claim ownership one over another?

Thirdie
08-12-2010, 05:41 AM
The tale says:
Bunnies happened, long ago, to ride tigers to Egypt in order to overtake the reign of street cats. Basically, every time a cat and a bunny fight, a man claims ownership of a woman or vice versa.

Now, question:
- Why are some animals herbivores and some others are carnivores?

TypeINTP
08-12-2010, 05:45 AM
God's divine plan ..... yeah, it's a plan!

How come Deoxyribonucleic acid doesn't melt people ??

Anubis
08-12-2010, 06:49 AM
We've got salt in our cells, also our bones are alkaline.

Who is the what?

MortalWombat
08-12-2010, 04:01 PM
When.

Why does peroxide bubble when you spray it on an unclean wound?

reiven
08-12-2010, 05:46 PM
peroxide is a corrosive. the bubbles are the result of dissolving tissue

what is the most popular flavor of toothpaste?

MortalWombat
08-12-2010, 05:49 PM
Sugar.

How many colors are there?

reiven
08-12-2010, 06:15 PM
To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 15 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
that many

how does a microwave work?

GenessorDios
08-13-2010, 01:51 AM
Tiny dudes living inside the machine wave their arms like crazy, producing an intense heat wave that boils the food alive. They sacrifice themselves in doing so, but thankfully they reproduce like crazy when not at work.

Also, m=-3 and m=-5 are switched.

Where do crazy people go to get away from it all?

Anubis
08-13-2010, 04:17 AM
to their jobs.

What metal is most common on the moon?

GenessorDios
08-13-2010, 05:05 AM
Mostly heavy. Some scientists say black or death but that's still being disputed.

How does one train to be a hitman?

MortalWombat
08-13-2010, 06:30 AM
The train from London to Germany usually gives good lessons.

What time is it?

TypeINTP
08-13-2010, 07:37 AM
It's time to egg someones house ... go ahead, don't be shy ...

Was Hitler a good guy??

jonnyb
08-13-2010, 08:57 AM
Good enough to father you.

How many cell phones would it take to boil an egg?

Anubis
08-13-2010, 10:23 AM
One. the Iphone.

How many eggs does it take to boil a cell phone?

Desmond Linus
08-13-2010, 10:31 AM
4 eggs and 1 sidewalk.

Why is the sun hot?

MortalWombat
08-13-2010, 11:50 AM
To make the other planets keep their distance.

Why are crickets so loud at night?

GenessorDios
08-13-2010, 02:26 PM
They made a marvelous breakthrough. Instead of trying to be as quiet as possible during their nightly B&Es, they discovered that the opposite strategy was much easier to pull off. Their haul has been quite plentiful since all the sleeping insects still don't know who's stealing from them. David Attenborough's new show will clear that up soon, but most insects don't get BBC, so it may take a while. At least the British insects are on to them now.

Why doesn't a shampoo's taste match its smell?

reiven
08-13-2010, 05:05 PM
some do. it takes diligence to find them, though

what is the secret behind the success of Sharpie markers?

MortalWombat
08-13-2010, 05:11 PM
The souls of children, compressed into permanent liquid.

What makes a song "catchy"?

Taste of peat
08-13-2010, 05:14 PM
An composer touched by the Muse. Or some luck.

Why are carrots orange ?

reiven
08-13-2010, 05:29 PM
they originally wanted to be red, but apples retained a better lobbying firm


what is the price of happiness?

MortalWombat
08-13-2010, 05:30 PM
$15 and some shipping.

What's really at the end of the rainbow?

reiven
08-13-2010, 05:36 PM
a gay pride parade

where do you get the keys to victory?

MortalWombat
08-13-2010, 05:42 PM
From the Ford dealership

What is the meaning of life?

jfc
08-13-2010, 06:20 PM
42.

Why do fools fall in love?

maddhatter
08-13-2010, 06:29 PM
Because they can't stand properly

How to look at the sun without getting a suntan ?

jfc
08-13-2010, 06:56 PM
Do it at night.

Is there any coke in the fridge?

datagirl
08-13-2010, 07:09 PM
Right behind the meth

why is soda pop fizzy?

dalsgaard
08-13-2010, 07:19 PM
#13494
It's because of all the fairy dust. Fairy dust particles are everywhere in nature, and are primarily harvested by soda companies in order to ARGH! WATCH OUT IT'S A GOAT

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Woah! You guys see that? That was CLOSE.....

Question: Have you stopped eating the flowers in my garden yet?

datagirl
08-13-2010, 07:45 PM
Waiting for the pixie dust to evaporate

Why does daffgard post so many images?

MortalWombat
08-14-2010, 04:21 AM
He's blind.

Will it be hot today?

dalsgaard
08-14-2010, 04:32 AM
Everywhere.

Why don't you smile?

MortalWombat
08-14-2010, 04:36 AM
Face is paralyzed.

Where do the unicorns live?

Anubis
08-14-2010, 05:50 AM
Yes.

Did I answer the former question correctly?