View Full Version : I'm So Bored; Please Amuse Me - The Wrong Answer Game
06-13-2010, 09:15 AM
Not very well, that's why it's only getting a half month bonus this year.
After Hypnotoad, I'd say the static on channel 7123 is pretty compelling.
Do birds have teeth?
06-13-2010, 09:43 AM
Yes, but they keep them hidden just long enough for them to crawl through your windows and feed on your flesh...
What's the appeal of the High School Musical movies?
06-13-2010, 09:46 AM
it makes suicide much easier to palette.
why does my snake want to bite me?
06-13-2010, 09:48 AM
Because it's a vampire. Or it just wants to give you a hickey.
Is it normal to be extremely obsessed with the Saw movies?
06-13-2010, 09:50 AM
There's nothing wrong with being into carpentry.
Has it always been this blue in here?
06-13-2010, 09:57 AM
No, that's the normal response for being infected by internet cocaine fairy viruses.
Why is my humor so morbid? (No, seriously, I scare myself sometimes!)
06-13-2010, 10:01 AM
you have a compulsion to be in the top 95 percentile of every category, just go with it and don't babysit.
why are there 13 in a bakers dozen?
06-13-2010, 10:06 AM
Back when bakers were run by the mafia, they were forced to cut a pound of flesh for each dozen pounds of cake they baked for the Don, just to show their loyalty. Then everyone forgot about that story and some baker decided that he'd fuck with an international system of units by throwing one additional piece of pastry in there.
Why do I always lose even when I win?
06-13-2010, 10:12 AM
Because some people are just born to bake bread.
How do I earn my halo?
06-13-2010, 10:18 AM
You need to find all the skulls. Energy sword helps too.
How do television shows always neatly fit into half or one hour blocks?
06-13-2010, 10:20 AM
What religion was Jesus?
06-13-2010, 10:26 AM
Umm I think it was Christonomy. Or it may have been Christometry. Keep getting those mixed up.
What is a home?
06-13-2010, 10:27 AM
what color are my shoes?
06-13-2010, 10:59 AM
Roses are red
Violets are blue
With just one green shoe
What happened to the other one?
06-13-2010, 11:12 AM
it licked a dust bunny and got sucked into an alternate universe
What constitutes critical mass?
06-13-2010, 11:22 AM
Sorry babe. The scientist in me went off the clock two hours ago. Now you're here with Il Lothario.
How you doin'?
06-13-2010, 01:07 PM
i'm offended that you are making fun of my accent.
how much fun is it to play hopscotch?
06-13-2010, 06:44 PM
Especially while humming the song from the Nightmare on Elm Street franchise.
What was the question again?
06-13-2010, 06:57 PM
I believe she was asking for your shoe size. Boy, clown college is expensive, huh?
What's for dinner?
06-13-2010, 07:00 PM
Spancakes and earfigs.
Why change the outfit?
06-13-2010, 07:08 PM
I had to sacrifice something at the altar of the fashion gods.
What good can come of this?
06-13-2010, 07:14 PM
As said by the peasant before charging the Bastille in 1789.
What is the definition of geekdom?
06-13-2010, 07:19 PM
because the zest from peeling an orange can limit your vision for up to a minute.
should i sell stones from hadrians wall?
06-13-2010, 07:33 PM
How many can you spare before Hadrian's foundation is fundamentally compromised? I say go for it 'til you get caught.
What did I do wrong?
06-13-2010, 07:40 PM
Too early a reincarnation.
Who gets the Oscar?
06-13-2010, 07:43 PM
Living in a garbage can really sucks!!
Why did the chicken cross the street?
06-13-2010, 08:48 PM
He was asking himself "Why do we cross the street?" and somehow wound up on the other side.
Is tax law edible? And if so, what does it taste like?
06-13-2010, 10:48 PM
Of course it is, and it tastes like cotton candy, but with far more substance.
Why is the 8 ball black?
06-13-2010, 11:07 PM
The words for eight and black are similar in Poland, where the game was invented.
How does a Post-it note work?
06-13-2010, 11:15 PM
It's a complex system of firing neurons and chlorophyll production.
Why do clocks go from 12 to 11?
06-13-2010, 11:36 PM
They're counting down the days until they can take over the human race.
Why does my company keep hiring people whose major in college was incompetence?
06-13-2010, 11:41 PM
Shouldn't you, especially, be grateful they have that policy?
What is the best chess strategy?
06-14-2010, 02:00 AM
Pretend to suck at chess, pretend to lose, pretend to cry in shame, pretend to leave in disgrace, then follow your opponent home and murder him in his sleep, leaving a king and queen piece sticking out of his eyes. Word will spread and now everytime you challenge someone to a match, you'll win by forfeit. Also remember to refuse playing against AI opponents; cite technophobia as the reason.
Is the best of the worst better or worse than the worst of the best?
06-14-2010, 05:36 AM
i find i'm trapped in a terminal logic loop :irked:
Is the best of the worst better or worse than the worst of the best?
06-14-2010, 06:22 AM
What's my self-destruct cancellation code?
06-14-2010, 06:30 AM
It's been sold to Al-Qaeda. Good luck.
What does the PVC in PVC pipe stand for?
06-14-2010, 06:40 AM
*shuffles next to Nikita*
This PVC pipe in my belly? Well it stands for 'Please Vacate Compound'.
So, you come around here often?
06-14-2010, 06:42 AM
06-14-2010, 06:45 AM
ETo view links or images in this forum your post count must be 15 or greater. You currently have 0 posts. what is this gooey stuff you sprayed on me?
Oh! My savior! Truly you are a goddess!
How can I repay you, O giver of new life?
06-14-2010, 06:57 AM
By disappearing? Have you kissed my feet yet?
06-14-2010, 07:10 AM
Oh, what a conundrum thou hast presented! Doth thou ask of me to defy the very laws of logic by ceasing to be in thine presence and yet laying mine lips upon the holiest of holy appendages in thine possession? Shall I rip mine body in twain just to fulfill this desire? Watch now milady! As your servant demonstrates the strength of his conviction!
*poof* / *kiss*
Rt th plsd, mldy?
06-14-2010, 07:12 AM
humpty dumpty did get put back together again, after all
Who cracked his egg?
06-14-2010, 07:20 AM
The beanstalk giant was hungry.
How much lipstick is too much?
06-14-2010, 07:29 AM
a hive full of honey
How do you yodel?
06-14-2010, 07:50 AM
At the resonant frequency of shattering glass.
Is my tie on straight?
06-14-2010, 07:55 AM
As straight as a limp noodle.
How do you know if green is green?
06-14-2010, 08:05 AM
Just ask. Green's usually pretty trustworthy.
Are all birds homophobic?
06-14-2010, 08:07 AM
Yep, and they're also homogenized and pasteurized.
Is grey the new pink?
06-14-2010, 08:10 AM
Green seems to think so. And you know what they say, always bet on green.
Why am I bored?
06-14-2010, 08:11 AM
because you have sawdust in your eyes
What does corrogated mean?
06-14-2010, 08:29 AM
It's an assonance for detective.
How do they get the lead into non-mechanical pencils?
06-14-2010, 08:33 AM
they use lead-injected beavers
What do otters eat?
06-14-2010, 08:35 AM
medium rare stakes
What do you call a Piņata filled with poisonous snakes?
06-14-2010, 08:44 AM
Who is Inspector Gadget?
06-14-2010, 08:59 AM
He's the protagonist of the newest crime drama premiering on NBC this fall: Law and Order and Zombies
What is the cure to infection?
06-14-2010, 09:14 AM
reflection and national defection
What are heuristics?
06-14-2010, 09:54 AM
The art of sculpting trophies.
Can you make a margarita?
06-14-2010, 02:17 PM
Every 15th time.
Can you ballroom dance?
06-14-2010, 05:37 PM
No. I keep slipping on the balls.
What is the best mixed drink in the world and why?
06-14-2010, 08:15 PM
Milk and cookies. Mushy.
Where was the outhouse first built?
06-14-2010, 09:14 PM
My birthplace was Mexico but I grew up in New New York.
What are contortionists good for?
06-14-2010, 09:25 PM
Why don't people skydive naked?
06-15-2010, 12:23 AM
Early bird gets the worm.
how do they make hollow hyperdermic needles?
06-15-2010, 12:24 AM
What is it with gold fish?
06-15-2010, 12:47 AM
They're really pink flamingos
What's the root of the problem?
06-15-2010, 03:21 AM
Why, 42 of course.
06-15-2010, 03:33 AM
Because I'm hungry.
Why can't we see UV light?
06-15-2010, 03:36 AM
Of course we can when our skin develops an allergy for sunlight.
Why do I feel you and I are the only ones active on the game threads at present?
06-15-2010, 03:46 AM
Everyone else is scared because they are experiencing FOMA.
Do dogs really eat people's homework?
06-15-2010, 03:58 AM
Only when taking a cooking class.
Why not build houses in a swamp?
06-15-2010, 04:06 AM
Apparently someone hasn't been keeping up with housing trends. They're dirt cheap, starting at $3k. Of course, they're only inhabitable for seven months after construction. After that you need scuba gear.
Where can I go for all my serial killing needs?
06-15-2010, 04:15 AM
Madame Tussaud's. You didn't think that was really wax, now did you?
Why are Ikea's instruction manuals so complicated when it's really that simple?
06-15-2010, 04:29 AM
it's like the sword in the stone deal
How do you know if you're being frugal?
06-15-2010, 07:10 AM
Frugal smurh appears and gives you a high five....well actually 3.5
When is the best time of day for a workout?
06-15-2010, 07:12 AM
during REM sleep
What are comets made of?
06-15-2010, 07:23 AM
How are bears suppose to eat if no one is suppose to feed them?
06-15-2010, 07:25 AM
with double Ds
What is a yo-yo?
06-15-2010, 07:32 AM
A gangsta who forgot how to say mama.
Where do whales go to die?
06-15-2010, 07:45 AM
jimmy kimmel's closet
Who's the next manchurian candidate?
06-15-2010, 08:00 AM
Where is all the gold at Fort Knox?
06-15-2010, 08:28 AM
in Hillary Clinton's jock strap
Who really elected Obama?
06-15-2010, 08:54 AM
People who suffer from a trauma of never being persecuted.
Seriously, why did Obama get the Nobel peace prize?
06-15-2010, 08:56 AM
for ending world hunger and eradicating narco-terrorism
Why is the jackass the symbol of the democratic party?
06-15-2010, 09:10 AM
The scone was taken by the Jane Austen book club.
Who caused the global crisis?
06-15-2010, 09:11 AM
Where do you think Steve-O got the idea to connect electrodes to his testicles?
Would that hurt?
06-15-2010, 09:16 AM
Not as much as the crisis, according to some.
Why doesn't anybody know the Democratic Party started out as a scouting group playing pin the tail on the donkey each Sunday?
06-15-2010, 09:38 AM
because the donkey was raped, tried to press charges, and then whisked away into exile
Why do soldiers wear uniforms?
06-15-2010, 09:53 AM
No one really knows. I think it was so women wouldn't join, but I guess that's backfired now.
Why ten fingers?
06-15-2010, 10:14 AM
because sloths won the two-finger lottery
How do you know whether a freckle is cancerous?
06-15-2010, 10:28 AM
Ask it if it smokes. If yes, yes. If no, yes. Why ask, you ask? Because screw you, that's why.
What's the best color?
06-15-2010, 10:29 AM
Why are so many missing people never found?
06-15-2010, 10:43 AM
Chuck Norris never leaves evidence.
What's the best way to get melted candle wax out of the carpet?
06-15-2010, 10:49 AM
a cocktail of motor oil and baby vomit
Is bottled water really filtered?
06-15-2010, 10:55 AM
Depends on the brand. The more expensive it is, the more complex the filtration process. The 89-cent stuff you find in gas stations is filtered through used Kleenex. Then, on the opposite end of the spectrum, the criminally-priced H2O is filtered through the digestive system of astronauts in orbit and sent back down in crystallized alien skulls. The stuff in the middle is usually all you really need, though. Deer Park water isn't really deer urine, don't worry. It's Bambi tears. Yep, Walmart shot Bambi's mom.
..........Do I put too much thought into my conspiracy theories?
06-15-2010, 11:03 AM
Not if you spend less than 4,500 hours per theory.
What are knives best used for?
06-15-2010, 01:07 PM
Knives are best used for clothing. Gives you a crisp, sharp, professional look.
How can we know that the earth isn't flat?
06-15-2010, 01:15 PM
Because if it were flat, adrenaline junkies would be bungee jumping off the edge.
Why does the moon always face the same way towards Earth?
06-15-2010, 05:42 PM
Irony of ironies: the moon hates our guts on Earth, so it's been mooning us for the past billion years.
How do scientists figure out the mass of Earth?
06-15-2010, 06:11 PM
They asked Pluto, then kicked him out of the solar system so nobody would find out.
What's the difference between American soccer and the rest of the World?
06-15-2010, 11:05 PM
American soccer sucks but the rest of the world is an oyster.
How does the Devil ever sign the contracts people make with him/her?
06-16-2010, 01:20 AM
The devil Employs Lojban-encoded flash cards swung about by Steve Ballmer while the moon dances over the tracts of the cons.
Where do babies come from?
06-16-2010, 02:12 AM
the fires of mount olympus
What is the first law of Sparta?
06-16-2010, 03:12 AM
Do to others before they do to you or eat the young, I cannot remember.
What are some other words of wisdom?
06-16-2010, 03:17 AM
Every fart gives birth to a flower.
What does a hollow oak tree symbolize?
06-16-2010, 03:26 AM
The folly of oldth.
Can I go back in time by repeatedly crossing the international date line?
06-16-2010, 07:26 AM
Only if you do so whilst crossing the beams of yours and someone else's proton packs.
How many smores would a Stay Puft Marshmellow man make?
06-16-2010, 09:18 AM
none - you already ate him
Why is voltage important to understand?
06-16-2010, 10:37 AM
because it's gonna be on the exam
is blue a strong color?
06-16-2010, 10:39 AM
blue isn't even a color, it's an evil overlord
What are the rules of golf?
06-16-2010, 03:59 PM
Beat the hole with a stick.
Why do people play golf?
06-16-2010, 04:59 PM
it's the cheapest sport to play on an a saturday morning.
do bees be?
06-16-2010, 05:15 PM
Why are we here?
06-16-2010, 05:17 PM
i don't know about you, but i'm waiting for my ship to come in.
are tug boats necessary or are ship captains lazy?
06-16-2010, 05:19 PM
Laws are old.
Why is a bar pilot?
06-16-2010, 05:20 PM
shoo fly, don't bother me.
was alexander all that great?
06-16-2010, 05:22 PM
In the old days.
How tall was Napolian?
06-16-2010, 06:46 PM
Historically there is no precise measurement but there are several references to him being of bosom height thereby indicated he generally came to the height of a lady's breast. Rendering him the perfect height according to most men.
What the heck did Tinkerbell see in Peter Pan?
06-16-2010, 07:07 PM
Whatever is was, it was fly by night.
What is the meaning of 'O'?
06-16-2010, 07:11 PM
by itself, it means nothing. but when you follow it with 'shit' it means the grand jury knows about the blue dress and something about a cigar.
who will be the next actor to run for office?
06-16-2010, 07:13 PM
Where will the next earthquake be?
06-16-2010, 07:14 PM
In your pants.
How structurally sound is a gingerbread house?
06-16-2010, 07:22 PM
As thick as butter on a hot July day.
Can you really fry an egg on a sidewalk?
06-16-2010, 07:25 PM
pppfff no. Everyone knows it's the driveway. Sidewalks are for bacon.
Why doesn't the Holy Ghost have a real name?
06-16-2010, 07:27 PM
if you payed attention in sunday school, you'd know what it is.
why is that plane coming straight for my window?
06-16-2010, 07:30 PM
Because you were wrong about sunday school apparently.
Where does lint come from?
06-16-2010, 08:45 PM
Desicated bed bugs from your clothing that are too large to fit through your dryer's screen.
What creatures did bed bugs evolve from?
06-16-2010, 08:54 PM
Is it a good idea to raise children with Lojban as their first language?
06-17-2010, 12:44 AM
As long as they never learn English!
Who decides how maps are drawn?
06-17-2010, 12:50 AM
Map makers Inc. They are the oldest corporation in the world stemming from when Ogak drew the first map in sand.
Why can't I cross lines drawn in the sand?
06-17-2010, 12:52 AM
because your religion forbids it and your god will strike you down should you dare to defy him
Why can owls turn their heads 360 degrees, but humans cannot?
06-17-2010, 12:54 AM
Too many people stress over the size of their ass in the mirror. Imagine if they were able to see it directly.
How does Medusa turn people to stone?
06-17-2010, 12:56 AM
a combination of fairy dust and tooth decay
How do you build a circuit board?
06-17-2010, 01:03 AM
What did dinosaurs smoke to get a buzz?
06-17-2010, 01:15 AM
Why do kids love water parks?
06-17-2010, 01:51 AM
Kids love water parks beacause it is one of the few places they can just pee when and where ever as the feeling arises.
Why are waffles waffled?
06-17-2010, 01:53 AM
Because they went a-waffling.
What is wassail?
06-17-2010, 02:05 AM
An elixer given during religeous services to induce belief and burning bosoms throughout the congregation. Usually as a spike to the communion.
Where does hydrolized oil come from?
06-17-2010, 02:07 AM
peas in pods
What part of the brain causes an inability to spell correctly?
06-17-2010, 02:19 AM
The creative/imaginary part.
How did we ever survive without nuclear missles?
06-17-2010, 03:58 AM
Will we survive BP?
06-17-2010, 08:19 AM
Only the salmon will survive. They will mutate into intellectual giants and take over the world.
What's the luckiest symbol in the world?
06-17-2010, 08:58 AM
A pile of dog poo.
Should I take a nap?
06-17-2010, 09:11 AM
Naps carry an automatic death sentence.
How does arsenic work?
06-17-2010, 09:54 AM
Arse Nick works lazily and snobbishly.
Should engineers be banned from philosophical conferences?
06-17-2010, 09:56 AM
Of course, because only The Real Housewives of Orange County have the mental capacity for higher philosophical thought.
Why is nicotine addictive?
06-17-2010, 10:00 AM
Because advertising convinces us that it isn't, so it's a case of accidental reverse-psychology.
Why haven't 24 and 30 inch 300+ ppi displays been put on the market?
06-17-2010, 10:11 AM
because they make lesser men feel inferior
Who invented suicide?
06-17-2010, 05:07 PM
how do dogs sniff out bed bugs?
06-17-2010, 05:39 PM
They don't. It's a big canine conspiracy that dogs have perpetrated on humans just to get some money. They hide some bedbugs in their nose, then blow them out onto the bed before barking to inform the owner of their presence.
Why does red signify stopping?
06-17-2010, 05:45 PM
Well, it dates back to World War I and the fashion trends of the era. Bright red lipstick was popular at the time, and jealous young women used to kiss their boyfriends once on each cheek and once on the mouth, leaving big red kiss-marks and signifying to other women, ''Back off! This is my man!'' To this day, the sight of a vaguely kiss-shaped octagonal red sign is continually ignored by both sexes.
How many monkeys would it take to write a Shakespearean sonnet?
06-17-2010, 06:11 PM
just the one.
how much of an awesome idea is it to flip off a cop going 90 in a 25?
06-17-2010, 06:28 PM
On a scale of one to ten, zero if the cop is played by Jason Statham, five if it's played by Christopher Melloni, ten if it's Archie Bunker, and fifteen if it's Don Knotts.
Who will be the next great physical comedy superstar?
06-17-2010, 06:30 PM
what's the recipe for mud pie?
06-18-2010, 09:52 AM
sugar and spice and everything nice.
what time is lunch time?
06-18-2010, 10:48 AM
Whatever time in the day you're most full.
Why did he do it?
06-18-2010, 11:33 AM
Why must the dog have the stick in the house?
06-18-2010, 05:18 PM
if you get to carry a stick around, so does the dog. what's fair is fair.
when's the best time to shampoo the carpets?
06-18-2010, 08:59 PM
How old is Miricle Whip?
06-18-2010, 09:13 PM
Hmm. it's half life is longer than that of nuclear waste.
What's the main ingredient in Milky Ways?
06-18-2010, 09:16 PM
Why do some things stink?
06-18-2010, 09:26 PM
Due to malfunction of olfactory glands.
What do rabbits do at Christmas?
06-18-2010, 09:27 PM
What do elves do at Easter?
06-18-2010, 09:41 PM
They re-arrange the vibrations in the color spectrum.
What would a dormouse eat for breakfast?
06-18-2010, 09:58 PM
Few people know that the average dormouse skips breakfast every morning. They're never hungry first thing after waking up. They usually have to hit the gym and run a few errands before they work up an appetite, and then they'll probably hop into MouseDonald's for a cheesy breakfast burrito.
How long should you let sun tea brew?
06-18-2010, 10:11 PM
Until its moon tea.
Are they chips or chrisps?
06-19-2010, 04:07 PM
Both are absolutely interchangeable, eg. poker crisps, Chippy Kreme, etc.
Why does 'foxy' imply that someone is attractive?
06-19-2010, 04:11 PM
Because a vixen is as sexy as a tigress.
What makes an attractive woman attractive?
06-19-2010, 04:18 PM
Monthly payments to a committee whose name only the attractive women know.
Is anything other than math certain in this world?
06-19-2010, 04:23 PM
You mean is anything except death and taxes certain in this world..
What else is certain except for death and taxes?
06-19-2010, 04:25 PM
Going to the loo.
Who in their right mind believes anything is certain? Anything?
---------- Post added 06-19-2010 at 02:26 PM ----------
Minnie snaked me but I still gave the wrong answer, hence not corrupting the game.
06-19-2010, 04:37 PM
Banned for asking two questions.
Plenty of robots live long, fulfilling lives with their lives clearly spelled out in unambiguity.
What's the point of knowing the billionth digit of pi?
06-19-2010, 04:44 PM
So one can very meticulously mark their circle of friends.
What's the top hit of the eighties?
06-19-2010, 04:50 PM
Anything, once you take a hit or eight of crack.
How do I come down?
06-19-2010, 04:53 PM
Become a sinner.
Where is the boundary between Heaven and Hell?
06-19-2010, 05:00 PM
Become a sinner.
Where is the boundary between Heaven and Hell?
Ask the bearer of light? (To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 15 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.)
---------- Post added 06-19-2010 at 03:03 PM ----------
Why chopping onions with a katana?
06-19-2010, 09:56 PM
Because chopping a katana with another katana is slightly ridiculous, to be honest.
Is subtlety aI LOVE YOU VALHALLA!!!!lost art form?
06-19-2010, 09:58 PM
Whoa, I don't know to say.
Am I that confused?
06-19-2010, 10:05 PM
What is confusion but the base of all reality?
What would happen if I threw my cellphone out the window?
06-19-2010, 10:06 PM
Perhaps. Or perhaps you are merely an explosive waiting to be defused. Or a poorly-dressed-patron who's about to be refused.
Other than your mother wondering what the whooshing sound is, nothing much.
Is a pep talk sufficient to convince my hair to stand up straight?
06-19-2010, 10:07 PM
Pigeons would freak.
Why do birds fly?
06-19-2010, 10:09 PM
^ ^ The problematic is similar to that of the existence of bananas on Earth.
^ It's the moon's fault. They are pulled by it >.>
What are the uses of a mobile phone?
06-19-2010, 10:15 PM
Skipping stone, door stop, table leg leveler.
Why do so many people text and drive?
06-20-2010, 12:43 AM
All the cool F1 racers are doing it, they're just wannabes.
Is time unidirectional?
06-20-2010, 12:46 AM
Time is actually lost and being male unwilling to ask directions.
How cold is a witch's tit?
06-20-2010, 12:50 AM
Well usually cats are used as familiars but in those rare cases, I'd say the tits are about as cold as any average bird. Depends on the seasons too of course.
Can a mango ever experience happiness?
06-20-2010, 01:00 AM
Every night when the moon rises high and the currents run warm the mangos rouse themselves and weave a tapestry of love that envelopes them in a wave of happiness. And then they get shipped off to market for us to enjoy. It's why they are so succulent you know.
How high can a Tigger bounce?
06-20-2010, 01:49 AM
Since when do tigers bounce?
06-20-2010, 01:56 AM
They don't. TigGers bounce. Subtle but significant difference. It's all in the tail you see.
Why do I need three remotes for one TV?
06-20-2010, 01:59 AM
Why are there so many channels, but still nothing on?
06-20-2010, 03:05 AM
they're controlled by Big Brother
What causes men to kill?
06-20-2010, 03:46 AM
Why do women kill?
06-20-2010, 03:53 AM
How do I repel mosquitoes?
06-20-2010, 12:31 PM
By wearing perfume and yellow clothes.
How many peaches would it take to get to Norway?
06-20-2010, 03:34 PM
Only one if you borrow james's peach.
How many peaches would it take to make peach wine?
06-20-2010, 07:52 PM
Oh, there aren't any real peaches in peach wine. Sorry.
Why does it take 40 gallons (approx.) maple sap to make 1 gallon of syrup?
06-20-2010, 07:53 PM
Because the other 39 gallons run away.
What is the difference between a gallon and a galleon?
06-20-2010, 07:58 PM
One is American and the other is British.
Why are flags sometimes flown at half mast?
06-20-2010, 08:00 PM
Someone twisted the rope.
Why is night dark?
06-20-2010, 08:02 PM
Because Lucifer willed it.
Which costs less? Hiring a witch or a demon?
06-20-2010, 09:23 PM
Will the world end in 2012?
06-20-2010, 11:22 PM
Of course it will. Didn't the Bible tells us that?
What is the best way to die?
06-21-2010, 01:18 AM
in a very slow, very rusty, very dull wood chipper with salt-tipped blades
What is the worst way to die?
06-21-2010, 06:28 AM
See "Wings of fame".
Why is Nikita so obsessed with, let's call it, the physical?
06-21-2010, 08:31 AM
Because she enjoys physical contact
What time is it?
06-21-2010, 09:27 AM
Where will you be in twenty-six minutes and 38 seconds?
06-21-2010, 09:27 AM
Why is Valhalla so obsessed with stuffed animals, I mean isn't it time to grow up?
06-21-2010, 09:35 AM
The rabbit is filled with drugs, if that answers your question.
How do I get to a parallel universe?
06-21-2010, 09:36 AM
gut the rabbit and eat the drugs like a dog lapping water
How many universes are there?
06-21-2010, 09:48 AM
What was that strange noise I just heard?
06-21-2010, 10:05 AM
the call is coming from inside the house...
Why do computers crash?
06-21-2010, 10:12 AM
Because Nikita is driving.
What will be the ultimate cause of the apocalypse?
06-21-2010, 10:13 AM
Why is it important to have hope?
06-21-2010, 10:27 AM
Because Obama feeds off it.
What's so bad about prison?
06-21-2010, 10:31 AM
What's the best kind of prison cellmate?
06-21-2010, 10:35 AM
a gift that keeps on giving
How do they keep the prisoners from escaping?
06-21-2010, 10:37 AM
a lifetime's supply of bubblicious
What conditions the air?
06-21-2010, 10:38 AM
Why is some water hard and some soft?
06-21-2010, 10:53 AM
depends who's touching it
How can I make the water safe to drink?
06-21-2010, 10:56 AM
just add jell-o
Why is there always room for jell-o?
06-21-2010, 11:22 AM
Because no one can resist his charms
What is the point of art?
06-21-2010, 11:25 AM
commercial and governmental subliminal messaging, that whole "down with the man!" mentality is just a cover
How is paint made?
06-21-2010, 11:30 AM
They just dye the leftovers from the sperm bank.
How do you survive falling out of an airplane?
06-21-2010, 11:31 AM
prayer and pillows
What is the essence of humanity?
06-21-2010, 02:14 PM
Why do some think the way they do?
06-21-2010, 03:10 PM
They thought differently once upon a time, when the Nephilim walked the earth and there were two suns and a black moon. Then the Earth passed through a ring of comets and now they're simply extinct.
Why is it that some don't think at all?
06-21-2010, 03:13 PM
Because they gave too many pieces of their mind.
Why should I?
06-21-2010, 03:32 PM
Remember what happened the last time.
Who's pulling your chain?
06-21-2010, 04:48 PM
Why, you and the rest of my harem are.
Aren't dogs awesome?
06-21-2010, 05:37 PM
Nope, they are fantastic!
Does Bob really need a harem when he has me as his Empress?
06-21-2010, 05:49 PM
Of course; the more children, the better, right?
Does Minerva really need a harem when I leave her weak-kneed?
06-21-2010, 06:59 PM
dream a dream.
Where is everone?
06-21-2010, 07:46 PM
I'm nobody, who are you?
06-21-2010, 09:13 PM
I Am JonnyB.
Where did we all come from?
06-21-2010, 10:35 PM
Just left of Albuquerque.
Why do dogs bark?
06-22-2010, 03:48 AM
because if they don't, chickens can't lay eggs, you have to scare them into performing
What kinds of ships comprised the famed Spanish Armada?
06-22-2010, 10:02 AM
Where is the hole in the wall?
06-22-2010, 10:05 AM
Next to the one in the ceiling
Are you sitting or standing?
06-22-2010, 11:26 AM
why won't gravity let us go up instead of down?
06-22-2010, 11:32 AM
You have to be in Australia to do that
What time is it?
06-22-2010, 11:50 AM
12:44 am MTC (coordinated mars time)
if i have 10 hot dogs, 8 of which are topped with chili, and both Rex Ryan of the New York Jets and Eddy Curry of the New York Knicks catch the sight and smell of them, how many soon will i have left?
06-22-2010, 12:03 PM
Hot Dogs aren't real.
When did you plan to run this little experiment?
06-22-2010, 12:12 PM
i planned on taking over the world with the back pack, super-soaker water gun and a golden, toy trident that lights up and flashes red when i activate it.
how come pink floyd's music is often defined as "space-rock" when you can't hear any music in the vacuum of space?
06-22-2010, 12:40 PM
Easier to wash.
06-22-2010, 03:06 PM
it's better to burn out than it is to die.
what happens if i let my pet porcupine roam free in my apartment?
06-22-2010, 03:20 PM
You will have to repaint the bottom 4 inches of your walls every month.
What makes clouds form?
06-22-2010, 03:42 PM
well, see, that's an interesting story. too bad i don't have the time to tell you.
do you remember when?
06-22-2010, 08:40 PM
Oh, sure, but not where or what.
Why does the moon wax and wane?
06-22-2010, 10:48 PM
To attract moths.
Why do I always wind up here?
06-22-2010, 11:56 PM
Because there is nowhere else to be. Literally. So many INTJs in one place... the rest of the world must have shriveled up and died by now without us.
How long should you let sun tea brew?
06-23-2010, 12:03 AM
Until its coffee.
Why do I eat stuff I shouldn't?
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