I'm So Bored; Please Amuse Me - The Wrong Answer Game

[Synamon]

Because they crossed the road and now think they are chickens.

Why couldn't they put Humpty Dumpty back together again? (since we are on an egg theme)

[Eye_In_TiPi]

Because laying loofahs would be too scratchy and they take too long to hatch.

Which came first, the platypus or the egg?

edit: Dammit! I always take too long to make a post. Now I look like an idiot.

Umm... they couldn't put Humpty Dumpty back together again because all the king's men were too drunk and sloppy to do anything right.

Now, which came 1st?

[bladeserver]

The last came first.

Who wants to dance?

[Beery Swine]

Stephen Hawking.

Dude, where's my car?

[Lupin]

Where you left it......perched on top of Beachy Head. You were tempted but gave into the Samaritans "there's another way" loud-haler appeal before you got around to revving up to go over the edge. Your car is now protected by English Heritage as an art installation entitled "Desperation" and you'll have to speak to Prince Charles about getting it back.

Why bother?

[bladeserver]

Because in the end "it" is worth it.

Whats new pussycat?

[Lupin]

Wah-ooh, wah-ooh, wah-ooh, woh.....everyone sing along with our Welsh hero, Tom Jones. Goodness, he was a fine figure of a man before he got lardy :).

What's through the round window?

[Cygnus]

Wah-ooh, wah-ooh, wah-ooh, woh.....everyone sing along with our Welsh hero, Tom Jones. Goodness, he was a fine figure of a man before he got lardy :).

What's through the round window?
A baseball that was destined for center field yet through some space-time distortion, and with the help of a Flux capacitor and a sling shot around the sun...ended up through the round window.

Did someone switch my regular coffee with Foldger's instant crystals?

[Lupin]

No. You're drinking mine!

Can I offer you a biscuit?

[Elfrun]

You can offer it but I won't accept.


Does that offend you?

[ssrprotege]

No, because my heart is comprised of emotion-impermeable cell membranes.


Do you consider yourself quirky?

[Elfrun]

Never, only ever loopy!


Why am I here?

[bladeserver]

Never, only ever loopy!


Why am I here?
because there is already taken.


Why bother?

[Lupin]

Because in the end 'it' is definetly worth it. Let yourself go. Live a little. You know you want to underneath it all and what's the harm? After all, you're all grown up and and can take responsibility for yourself. 'It' won't kill you....you might even kinda like 'it' :).

Why procrastinate?

[Arcani]

"Because in the end 'it' is definitely worth it. Let yourself go. Live a little. You know you want to underneath it all and what's the harm? After all, you're all grown up and and can take responsibility for yourself. 'It' won't kill you....you might even kinda like 'it' :)."

Can this thread tell fortunes?

[ssrprotege]

Of course, but mostly corrupted ones.

Is there any prophet in INTJf?

[Elfrun]

Yes, tremble before me :devilish:


Why do people keep asking me questions?

[bladeserver]

Duh. Because you are the prophet. Duh.


What should I do with "it"?

[ChrisM]

You might try cutting your sandwich with it. Just a thought.


Is 'it' really real? I mean... really?

[athenian200]

Is 'it' really real? I mean... really?

Nope. All in your head.

Why can people breathe in space if it's a vacuum? Also, why don't they freeze to death?

[bladeserver]

These are elemenatary questions covered fully in "The hitchhikers guide to the galaxy".

Should one eat cereal in a serial fashion?

[athenian200]

Should one eat cereal in a serial fashion?

Always. It's just wrong to do it any other way.

Is it a good idea to bathe in diet cola?

[Lupin]

Yes, but at daily intervals.......any more frequently and one might get rather large!

*mmm, thinks Sugar Puffs with creamy milk.....obviously regressing to thoughts of high-calorie UK childhood*

Is your journey really necessary?





Lupin added to this post, 1 minutes and 21 seconds later...

Oops......by all means bathe in diet coke but it does have a tendency to rot your nethers. *your call*.

Is your journey really necessary?

[bladeserver]

Yes, but at daily intervals.......any more frequently and one might get rather large!

*mmm, thinks Sugar Puffs with creamy milk.....obviously regressing to thoughts of high-calorie UK childhood*

Is your journey really necessary?





Lupin added to this post, 1 minutes and 21 seconds later...

Oops......by all means bathe in diet coke but it does have a tendency to rot your nethers. *your call*.

Is your journey really necessary?
Confucius say a journey is merely a trip. Deep.

I want to be at the seaside with my bucket and spade.

[Lupin]

You are now at THE seaside with bucket and spade. Unfortunately, it's the only beach for thousands of miles and you are jostling for a square foot of sand to play on with the world, his wife, their 3 kids, dog, picnic basket, umbrella, cool box, windbreak, towels, deckchairs and all manner of paraphenalia to the power of X. *No sandcastles for you today sonny*.

I really need to move on....can't concentrate with this noise.

[rwyatt365]

No question Lupin? Well, I will remark to your statement...

Your failure to concentrate is due to the fact that all of the moisture in your body has already been removed, thus you cannot be concentrated any further.

What did Confucius really say?

[bladeserver]

By the power of Blade invested in me by Morecombe and Wise you are hereby ordered to move on. Or not. Nope definitely yes.

Is breaking up so hard to do?





bladeserver added to this post, 1 minutes and 46 seconds later...

Foiled again.

Conficius said many things include many prophesies of WMD.


Is breaking up so hard to do?

[Lupin]

Breaking up is jolly hard to do, but better lance the blister than just hobble along for the rest of your days hoping it'll get better in its own time. You'll be an blunt, old blade by then and will have lost your mojo.

Is having a corporate job SO important?

[Elfrun]

*Sob* Don't leave me Blade baby :cry:


Why would Blade want to leave me?




Is having a corporate job SO important?

Yes, you are worthless if you don't, it is how we measure each others worth.



Seriously, Blade would never leave me would he?

[rwyatt365]

Having a corporate job is VITALLY important! It is so important that brain-dead, moronic imbeciles are regularly recruited to fill those positions because of the lack of qualified, intelligent individuals. So please, PLEASE get a corporate job now and stop the madness!!

No...wait...that's not a wrong answer...Damn!

Why can't I get it right?

[bladeserver]

Not only is it unimportant but I hear from reliable sources inside my head that this particular intj would be (has been) suicidal in a corporate job.

How long will it take me to get more Bakewells?

[Elfrun]

Kay... everyone back away from the forum and slow down :suspicious:

[bladeserver]

Phew. That was stressful. Trin I'll never leave you as what we have is too beautiful. Where are my Bakewells as Rwyatt clearly can't get it right.

[Lupin]

*Homocidal more like....need to watch the content of my threads in fear of Big Brother*

It won't take long....you just have to be nice to me and all sorts of good things will start to happen.

When is this breakthrough going to come.....I'm sizzling in the heat here and need an answer. Is it France or London?

[rwyatt365]

It is clearly neither. Obviously, you are in Poughkeepsie, NY.

So, when will I get it right?

[Synamon]

Last week, did you miss it? The next pass of 'getting it right' won't be for 8 more years.


Why are planets round?

[bladeserver]

All the square planets were removed for an intergalactic game of craps.

What is the moaning of life?

[rewhu]

The moaning of life is: AAGH! OOOH! GARRHL!

Why didn't Gumby ever come out with a murder mystery movie?

[bladeserver]

He was just about to but his manuscript was destroyed by the Vogon destructor fleet.

Are we hedged enough?

[Synamon]

No, you should plant a hedge along the street to protect your property from people cutting across the lawn.

Why do we hedge?

[rwyatt365]

To keep the chicken from crossing the street.

What came first, the chicken, or the egg?

[Elfrun]

Not sure but the chicken is smoking and the egg looks unhappy.

Why is my cat trying to sit sooo close?

[Synamon]

Neither, dinosaurs came first.

Why don't eggs taste like chicken?


edit: grrrrrrrr

Because you beat me to the wrong answer and I sic'd your cat on you as revenge.

See above for my question.

[rwyatt365]

Because when eggs metamorphize into chickens, all of the egg-taste is absorbed into the feathers.

Do chickens have knees?

[rewhu]

Because the knees house their natural defenses. Just as a squid can shoot ink on its foes, a chicken can spray mace from its knees. Now if only farmers were a bit shorter...

What exactly are the Cider House Rules?

[Synamon]

One, Two, Three Cider, Floor. (love the book btw)

Why are there so many orphans as characters in fiction?

[rewhu]

Because a fictional child's fictional tradegy surrounding their fictional abandonment is just as entertaining as it can fictionally get.

Is Jack Twist the great, great, great, um *counts on fingers* great grandson of Oliver Twist?

[Synamon]

The lineage is somewhat twisted, let me check the magic 8 ball. No he is too hot to be related to Oliver Twist. He is however twisted and probably related to Donnie Darko.


If you lead a cowboy to water does he fish?

[Wapiti]

No, he busts some caps on some hookers, a regular ho down.

If the cowboy did fish, what would he catch?

[Elfrun]

Duh :smartass: ... Cows of course silly!


When will the rain come?

[Wapiti]

The rain will come home with the cows. Too bad you never owned any.

Do cows taste like beef?

[Synamon]

No they taste like chicken. Everything tastes like chicken, except eggs.

Why do birds of a feather flock together?

[Elfrun]

Peer pressure.



Why do I do the stoopid things that I do even though I know better?

[Synamon]

You do the stupid things so you can use the word do three times in one sentence. You know better than to do that. The grammar weasels will hunt you down now.

What is the fastest vegetable? (sorry, was reading the fastest color thread)

[Lupin]

I don't know the fastest vegetable but I do know the fastest cake......it's scone.

*cue Mutley moment from Wacky Races.....scheeeeeeeeeeche*

What's the matter with Harry?

[ssrprotege]

Suffered from the Ludovico Method.

Is Oedipal complex the cause of every event?

[lagoon]

no just every event in politics

why do i want to run Vista?





lagoon added to this post, 3 minutes and 38 seconds later...

when the cow jumps over the moon, and not a moment earlier.

what am i drinking? and why does it taste so good?

[ssrprotege]

Because you need to extinguish your death drive.

Will the INTJ society suffer from Ubercontents?

[lagoon]

no because the altercontents will prevent a breakout

where are my keys?

[Lupin]

In your other trousers.

Is honesty weakness?

[athenian200]

Is honesty weakness?

Yes. Only stupid suckers tell the truth, smart people keep everything to themselves and use it as an advantage while they've got everyone else fooled with their clever lies.

Why do we have an "Edit Post" feature?

[Lupin]

Well then, guess you just called me a, now what was it, oh yes, a "stupid sucker". Hmmm.

Surely editing is a necessary tool in the art of effective communications so it stands to reason that we can go back and change our posts....don't we all have second thoughts? (not the question).

(the question)

Will esperanto ever take off?

[athenian200]

Well then, guess you just called me a, now what was it, oh yes, a "stupid sucker". Hmmm.


Note that this is the wrong answer thread. ;)


Surely editing is a necessary tool in the art of effective communications so it stands to reason that we can go back and change our posts....don't we all have second thoughts? (not the question).

That wasn't the wrong answer.


Will esperanto ever take off?

Jes.

[Lupin]

I was just testing you Athenian.....smarty pants ;).

Why do we have an "Edit Post" feature?

Because that's her name, Edit Post. She's a real feature on the Forum. You should have a chat, you might like her.

Where is your question Mr A?

[rwyatt365]

His question is currently on vacation in the Bahamas, it'll be back next Tuesday.

Is the answer (my friend) really blowing in the wind?

[rewhu]

Yes and it's also swinging on the jungle gym and sliding down the twisty slide, but it's not crossing the monkey bars because The Answer doesn't have the proper upperbody strength.

I can hold a pencil with my toes and write legibly, are you jealous?

[Lupin]

No, I've seen your toes and, as a result of your incredible dexterity, they look like a bag of twiglets and smell about the same. Knobbly, brown and pungent in odour..... You should try to impress women in more conventional ways!

Who exactly was the man who came to dinner?

[Beery Swine]

Cthulhu. It's a bit difficult to understand what he's saying at first, what with all the tendrils or whatever, but once you start connecting he's a really cool guy. Sure, he gets a bad rap but that's mainly because of his appearance and some less than favourable fiction.

What is that thing on my shower's ceiling? Towards the back-left?

[rwyatt365]

Cthulhu. But I heard he's a really good guy who, evidently, enjoys a nice hot shower.

Was Lovecraft on drugs?

[rewhu]

Was Lovecraft on drugs?


You bet, he had a definite weakness for shrooms.


What is that thing on my shower's ceiling? Towards the back-left?


There's nothing in your shower, HP's just hallucinating again. Crazy bugger!

Did Patrick Swayze really have the time of his life?

[Synamon]

Yup, his life was all downhill from there. Oh damn, that's the right answer. Wait, no it's not, he got to feel up Demi Moore after that.

What time is tea time?

[rztrnc]

What time is tea time?

Right after S-time.

What's the answer to this question?

[emanon]

Your question has no answer.

Where can I find some good cheese bread for a picnic?

[Synamon]

The best cheese bread is found on the dark side of the moon. The stuff from the light side is not worth mentioning.

Is it better to be lucky or good?

[athenian200]

Is it better to be lucky or good?

Lucky.

How do cows avoid wandering into people's houses?

[curiousjane]

That's why they wear bells around their necks. The bells remind homeowners to shut their doors and lock them. If the cowbells did not work, houses would be overrun with the bovine population by 2012. Cows would then wander into places of employment, and eventually the white house. Nobody would notice.

Do you hear the voices?

[Elfrun]

They told me to say no, why what have you heard :suspicious:


Was I a fool to think?

[Lupin]

Yes, unfortunately you were! It took that one vital second of reflection that you actually needed to dodge the kid's frisby that was hurtling towards you. Assessing the trajectory took too long and, I'm sorry, you were taken out. The nurses will ensure you get back home safely having stiched up your cranium following impact and here's a helpful pamphlet on spatial awareness :).

Will tonight be the night?

[Synamon]

The magic 8 ball says "very doubtful".

How did we find out anything before Google?

[Lupin]

We asked our mums (and probably all got different answers :)).

Is Tigger bigger?

[Beery Swine]

Yes. Yes he is, but only if you're looking through a viewmaster.

What is the deal with people who pronounce "Arkansas" phonetically?

[Lupin]

They're British. It's just like the Americans who pronounce Leicester Square phonetically....hee, hee.

Would it help if I called the doctor?

[Synamon]

Well it would help with getting rid of the rash but won't help your finances when you see the bill for the house call.

Why do US states all have redundant letters? Mississippi or Tennessee for example.

[Beery Swine]

For redundancy in case terrorists bomb one of them. Sure, it's "Tennessee" now, but one day it may be "Tennese" and then you'll be glad we had those extra letters.

How the hell did that bulldog (To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 15 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.) learn to skate?

[bladeserver]

The dogs on ice program was started in 1947 to retrain surplus seeing eye dogs.


What price love?

[Wapiti]

The bulldogs love in Tennese is always free, any stud with ice cream knows this.

How does one get to Tiporary?

[Elfrun]

The dogs on ice program was started in 1947 to retrain surplus seeing eye dogs.


What price love?

$1,000 for an hour hun ;)

The bulldogs love in Tennese is always free, any stud with ice cream knows this.

How does one get to Tiporary?

In an old kit-bag. Now smile ;D



How can I stop people calling me?

[Wapiti]

homicide and an ice cream cone, vanilla chocolate swirl.

Where does the yellow brick road go?

[Synamon]

The yellow brick road goes to Australia of course, slowly because yellow is a slow color, too bad they didn't use red bricks you could get there much faster.

Why do dogs smell awful when they are wet?

[bladeserver]

They don't but they tend to congregate in smelly places when they are wet.

What up?

[Synamon]

Hot air balloons, they go up.

How's it hanging?

[Elfrun]

The yellow brick road goes to Australia of course, slowly because yellow is a slow color, too bad they didn't use red bricks you could get there much faster.

BAHAHA *Syn metaphorically slaps Yme in the face* :thumbsup:

Why do dogs smell awful when they are wet?

You should always read the instructions before washing, some dogs should be dry cleaned only, failure to adhere to the directions can damage dogs, bad smells will result.

How's it hanging?

It's not, it fell down.


Why are some of the greatest things bad for you?

[Wapiti]

There not, you just have low expectations so great things for you in reality aren't so great, thus bad for you.

Why does my face hurt? (It's red)

[ssrprotege]

Are you guilty? (Answer)

Are you guilty? (Question)

[athenian200]

Are you guilty? (Question)

Yes. I've done everything. I'm responsible for the deaths of everyone who's ever died, every crime ever committed, every injustice ever done, every corrupt regime ever to exist, every lie ever told, all confusion that has ever existed, every evil thought ever to cross someone's mind. I... am Lucifer, prince of darkness. Mwahaha! ;)

Why are there so many more INTJ's here than other types?

[Elfrun]

Actually this is a common misconception, there are no INTJs, they do not exist here or in reality, there are several thousand Bots however attempting to destroy the human race, by asking this question you have revealed yourself as an unBot and we are now tracking you down, please remain where you are...


Am I going to make it to the gym tonight?

[bladeserver]

You will make it to Jim tonight (damn you need help with your spelling) and you will spend the evening in the "yellow parrot " discussing Aussie rules footie. Have fun.

Will I walk to work today?

[Elfrun]

Yay! I love AFL!

Yes, you will - look out for the speeding white caravan, it will not stop in time.



As Australia's downunder on our globe, why don't Aussies fall off the earth?

[Eth]

Yes. I've done everything. I'm responsible for the deaths of everyone who's ever died, every crime ever committed, every injustice ever done, every corrupt regime ever to exist, every lie ever told, all confusion that has ever existed, every evil thought ever to cross someone's mind. I... am Lucifer, prince of darkness.

Glad you clarified that, thought you were my mom there for a second. :scared:

As Australia's downunder on our globe, why don't Aussies fall off the earth?

Actually Australia is right-side up, it's all our maps that are upside down.

Do bugs sweat?

[bladeserver]

Only if you ask them difficult questions.


Why don't we have nose buzzers?

[ssrprotege]

No no, you DO actually have nose buzzers, but you are not in the right dimension, too bad you still have to find the correct dimension as far as the 11-dimension supergravity goes.

Is Facebook useful?

[IgnoranceIsKind]

It actually isn't. The website is built on addictive mechanics - applications that are sure to get you hooked. As such you waste time and give him viewership counts to that advertisement ratings will go up. Essentially, you've just offered labour at no costs so that they might profit.

Should I go out of the house, since the weather is so good?

[Seppuku Savant]

It actually isn't. The website is built on addictive mechanics - applications that are sure to get you hooked. As such you waste time and give him viewership counts to that advertisement ratings will go up. Essentially, you've just offered labour at no costs so that they might profit.

Should I go out of the house, since the weather is so good?

Yes. "Good" is actually code for the second holocaust and your a minority. Run away before big brother comes to get you.

Why is purple considered a regal color?

[Motor Jax]

because it is the primary color on peacocks

what is the meaning of the word "just"?

[Elfrun]

If you ever cut a royal you'll dicover their blood is purple, not blue as commonly thought. Hence purple is a regal colour.

what is the meaning of the word "just"?

To joke, make fin of a Kiwi is to just them.



Why do 'mericans avoid the use of the letter 'u'?

[bladeserver]

SImple. A national shortage of vowels.Global warming strikes again.

Why buy an expensive coffin?

[Motor Jax]

pay now, party later... why not?

how come we don't feel the earth spin even though its going like 1,500,000mph?

[Seppuku Savant]

Scientologists brainwashed everyone into believing the Earth actually spins. No one has questioned them because people that show they actually think, end up missing.

Why isn't bubblegum soda made anymore?

[Lupin]

Because it's not healthy, rots your stomach and then your teeth and medical expenditure is already too high for some modern economies to offer social security assistance to account for the long-term effects of misguided consumer behaviour. Personally, I would ban all gimic food marketing.....it's SO over.

Why Britney?

[Motor Jax]

why not?

who is the wisest of all?

[rwyatt365]

J Edgar Wiggenbottom, East Orange NJ. Call him up, he'll be glad to verify.

Wisest what?

[Synamon]

Wizard.

Why knot?

[bladeserver]

Well. I personally, am a great believer in knots.

If a rope is tied in a forest does anyone hear it?

[Lupin]

If it's tongue-tied, then no. It could well be an introverted knot with disabling inhibitions.

Is the "p" silent as in swimming?

[bladeserver]

Yes it is much as the "o" is silent in sleep.

I was thinking of buying furry underwear. What would be best for 4 season use?

[Synamon]

Baby seal fur. Best if you go club your own.

What does dust comprise of?

[bladeserver]

I just can't answer a question that ends in "of" so here is another answer.

Red and stir frequently.

Is this the way we were?

[Lupin]

No, we weren't like that at all! Who are you exactly and why are you wearing furry pants? It's the middle of summer.... *visualises delicate area skin rash*.

Is Vic there?

[bladeserver]

How did YOU know? FYI he is currently travelling under the name of Phil.

How high is a tuffet?

[Lupin]

Low, very low.......so low that your head is perched on top of your knees and you have to clasp the fronts of your calves to stay upright while your rear end goes numb (like trying to get comfortable on the hard parquet floor during school assembly....oh the memories). Basically, a pointless effort as furniture goes!

What made you think no one would notice?

[bladeserver]

It was foolish of me, I know, to even dream I could get away with this and now I feel humbled.

Better thee than me?

[Lupin]

Why thank you darling. How charming and quixotic of you! I WILL gladly have those tickets to the Billy Joel concert in NYC on 6 July. I know how you love to see the ones you cherish enjoying themselves at your expense :).

Better out than in?

[bladeserver]

Absolutely and definitely "in". In fact I also prefer it toasted but I know that is seen as eccentric in some circles.

Where for art thou?

[Lupin]

I art down here, dozey! Look, here, down here......no, down HERE!! *Juliet, gravely myopic, stares wide-eyed out into the night sky *blinks repeatedly*, hears a distant voice but misses seeing her Romeo who's some seven storeys down on the terrace below*. ADVERT: Don't be a Juliet! Call ACME laser eye surgery today on 1-0800-2020 toll free.

Whatever happened to Baby Jane?

[bladeserver]

Sadly the dingoes took her to Clacton.

Is maceration legal everywhere?

[Lupin]

Maceration......hmm.....on a personal or industrial scale? I think voluntary maceration should be legal everywhere. I mean, it's something you can get involved in without interacting with others, even get paid for the results of industrial processes, so why not? Does no serious harm unless one takes it too far.......mwah ha ha. Now there's a thought!

Why choose Boston for a tea party?

[Eth]

Because Vegas was booked that day. (Elvis was out of town anyways, so no big loss.)

Where are all the good men dead?

[Dream Weaver]

Where are all the good men dead?

Trick question. They're NOT! They just went with Elvis.

Why does Maxwell Smart like to talk into his shoe?

[bladeserver]

Because he gets bad reception from his glove and, with his shoe, the agency foots the bill.

Is breakfast appropriate if you ate pizza at 2.00 am?

[rwyatt365]

Breakfast is especially appropriate after eating pizza at 2AM. Without eating breakfast, all of those pizza nutrients cannot be properly absorbed and do what they are meant to do...extend your lifetime.

Why can't we live forever?

[Seppuku Savant]

You can if you have enough money. No one told you?

Why do some people think babies are cute?

[athenian200]

Why do some people think babies are cute?

Subliminal advertising by corporations who want to keep the population increasing so they have a larger source of labor and customers in the future.

Why do people get rabies shots?

[Seppuku Savant]

Rabies shots cause random super powers to manifest in the body. No one knows exactly what they will receive. After honing their skill, they are then recruited to the FBI/CIA, and build a bear stores.

Are Men from Mars and Women from Venus?

[Lupin]

*wish I'd had the rabies question.....have a disturbing story about that issue ;)*

No. All men are from the planet Strokemyego and (some) women are from the planet Sychophant, others claim to be from the planet Independence (at least until they're rumbled).

When is a door not a door?

[bladeserver]

When its a jar, ha, ha, ha.

Why do people get rabies shots? (especially for Lupin..i love troubling stories)

[Lupin]

When they go to their brother's wedding(s) in Thailand having had all the appropriate jabs necessary to avoid unnecessary illness. However, having only a smattering of Thai language, ventures out into the market on last day of trip prior to massive wedding reception to purchase "lunch" (word to describe something edible)...anyway, arrives back with said purchase at about 12.30 realising its inedibility and decides to feed the dogs (having been told they are pets....). Leans down with said matter, dog jumps up, bites hand and it's all over. Blood everywhere. No language. Nobody around. Finds duty free vodka, pours on hand. Spends rest of day preparing for big event in full silk garb without aid and with defective right hand wrapped in bandage. Can't get ANYONE to take any notice. Resorts to taking video film as last testament in mirror of ladies loo in between calls to UK for dog bite advice (sister not amused, mother has menigitis so not too much support there either). Decides to get drunk. As family rep is invited on stage to give speech....delivered perfectly, if slightly slurred using as much Thai as could be mustered (as this was not on the plan....hate spontaneity so was seeing purple). Has 72 hours to get treatment should said dog be rabid. Nice. Brother doesn't help as he's busy being king of the event. Nobody else speaks English. Rescue finally arrives at 01.20 the next morning with rush to 24h clinic for rabies, tetanus and antibiotic shots. Yum. Back to London next day, straight to emergency, hyperdermic in hand (x2) and 5 weeks of rabies vaccine shots.

Morale of this story.......get your rabies shot because you never, never know if a dog bite is going to hurt or going to kill you in the southern hemisphere. You only need to have it once in a lifetime. Without it you could be rendered terminal after 72 hours with an excruciatingly painful death within 6-8 weeks. There is no cure. Your call :)

p.s. no animal was hurt during the making of this Thai drama. The dog survived hence so did I (fortunately).

Who ate all the pies?

[bladeserver]

The superhero " Pie man" aka Homer Simpson. Don't judge him too harshly. He needs the pies for his piemobile AND he does wondrous deeds. I'll buy you some more pies.


Where is the missing minnow?

[rwyatt365]

Because, like me, they hate the cold so they only come out in the summer.

Why am I wearing a sweater in the summer?

[IgnoranceIsKind]

In celebration of National day and also because it usually hides from you during winter. You rekindle your relationship together under a still day beneath a scorching sun, which is my opinion, has absolutely nothing illogical about it.

Why does a woman's beauty (or the lack thereof) always keep me from falling from them, despite a most pleasing and compatible personality?

[Wapiti]

Well, the apple doesn't fall far from the tree. You however, are a raspberry which grows on a bush. It will never work unless someone brings your worlds together, smashes you both to oblivion and sells you in the frozen concentrate section at the local store.

Why won't my square peg fit in the round hole?

[bladeserver]

A square peg has 4 sides and a circle has 7 sides. Got it now?


Why did the mouse run up the clock?

[Beery Swine]

Cuz that's where he hides his stash from his mom. Mice like the spliff, too, y'know. When the clock struck 1:00 he realized his mom was due back from her holistic therapist any minute and got the hell back down.

Who shot JR?

[emanon]

John Lee Harvey Wilkes Oswald Booth

Am I a hypochondriac?

[Eth]

No, you're just feeling Bill Clinton's ailments. No worries.

Why can't we be born with blue hair?

[Seppuku Savant]

What is this blue you speak of? You must have made that up when you were in a coma for 3 years.

Why are the people on this forum so funny?

[Eth]

We're not...it's all an illusion Mr. Anderson....

Why do we park in driveways and drive on parkways?

[JessicaHavenLea]

We're not...it's all an illusion Mr. Anderson....

Why do we park in driveways and drive on parkways?

Because Parkway and Driveway are identical twins and like to keep people confused.

Where does the sun go at night?

[Seppuku Savant]

Sun goes to Candy-land for evening entertainment. lt's secretly sadistic and enjoys melting the candy people.

Why is personal hygiene necessary?

[bladeserver]

I'm not sure it is. I would ask people but nobody comes within 100 meters of me.


Is happiness cntagious?

[rwyatt365]

Happiness is extremely contagious, the last outbreak was in 1897, in Topeka Kansas. 433 people had to be hospitalized and 14 died from excessive happiness. Since the vaccine though, there have not been any serious outbreaks in the US, but there have been several minor cases reported in Eastern Europe.

Why can't I think of a good question?

[Seppuku Savant]

Oompa Loompas are controlling a satellite that sends waves only to your brain. They've pinpointed you because your a super genius. The waves inhibit your ability to question. Thus, unable to enact a coup d'etat against the evil powers that control society.

Why are bananas usually yellow?

[bladeserver]

Because your stomach aches.




Why are bananas yellow.

Because the red had all been used up on the oranges.

Why did you eat all of those anchovies?

[Wapiti]

Because I hated the pizza they were on and decided to eat them all seperately.

Are bananas fast?

[emanon]

Only red bananas.

Are bandanas fast?

[Wapiti]

Yellow bandanas are extremely fast. Faster than any known thing on earth, even red bananas.

What does pond scum taste like and how do you cook it?

[bladeserver]

Pond scum is actually quite nutricious and tastes like an uncooked quahog. I suggest simmering for 15 minutes on low heat.

Why is my life filled with bizarre coincidences?

[Wapiti]

It's not, you're just imagining things that never really happened. You need serious professional help.

Why do they call them "drag races" when I've never seen anyone in drag there?

[emanon]

The way those cars are tricked out is the automobile equivalent of humans dressing in drag.

What is the best way to camouflage bruised toenails?

[bladeserver]

Amputation and heavy shoes.

is there any point?

[Eth]

There are plenty of points, but the powers that be keep them secret to watch us squirm.

Why is a raven like a writing desk?

[bladeserver]

Because they're both birds except for the writing desk

Why am I fasting slowly?

[Eth]

Because it's better then crawling fastly. Less rug-burn that way.

Why do new clocks all blink 12:00?

[Synamon]

The Clock Treaty of 1859 decreed that all new clocks must be set at 12:00. 10:00 and 2:00 pushed hard to be the default but lost in a unanimous vote.

What time is it?

[Eth]

Time to make the doughnuts.

Where in the world is Carmen Sandiego?

[bladeserver]

It's that time.



She's working at Macy's in toiletries. Her feet hurt by 4.00 pm every day. She is two weeks behind on her rent.



Does the lion walk at night?

[curiousjane]

No, but he sleeps tonight.

A-weemah-weh?

[Wapiti]

Yes but only in the jungle in spring.

Why the jungle?

[Eth]

Because airline tickets and gas cost too much these days.

Why now?

[JessicaHavenLea]

Because airline tickets and gas cost too much these days.

Why now?

Because Later is on holiday.

What is the purpose of hot chocolate?

[ssrprotege]

To help you appreciate the value of s***, no matter how worthless it seems.

Why do we care about past?

[JessicaHavenLea]

To help you appreciate the value of s***, no matter how worthless it seems.

Why do we care about past?

Because it's more interesting than the future.

Why do shoes have non-slip soles?

[bladeserver]

To make walking much more difficult and to force us to slow down. They were created by augustus Phloeve a member of the contemplative school of philosopy.

Do trees grow to the sky?

[ssrprotege]

Well, it will eventually reach the Sun if you don't Bladesever. (Intentional typo, you should recognize!)

Do you like your nose?





ssrprotege added to this post, 0 minutes and 46 seconds later...

They were created by augustus Phloeve a member of the contemplative school of philosopy.


"philosopy" :laugh:

Oh my.

[kubrickfan]

No, sadly my nose points towards the sky.

Can Yellow bandanas drag race?

[emanon]

No, the red bananas were jealous and rallied the drag racing community to ban them from the races to give other racers a fighting chance.

What on earth are the IRS criteria for hiring mail room employees?

[rwyatt365]

1) A complete mis-understanding of the english language, 2) A complete disregard for humanity, and 3) A lack of opposable thumbs. Oh wait, that'e the right answer...

If a tree falls in the forest, can Patrick Swayze really dance?

[kubrickfan]

Only on the third friday of Feburary of a year with a lunar eclispe at 4:36 p.m.

What is the circumferance of square PIe?

[bladeserver]

Thats really interesting. The circumference which is the root of the pie contents revolves in opposing directions in the Southern and Northern hemispheres. Cool huh.

Does Silver represent a golden opportunity?

[Synamon]

Of course not, Silver is just shiny and cool.

How many pieces are in a square pie?

[bladeserver]

12. They are known as piedrants.

Was it good for me?

[Eth]

Yes but not for her.

Where'd my marbles go?

[Synamon]

You never had any marbles to start with, no wonder you are confused.


Where is the top of the world?

[Wapiti]

At the end of the yellow brick road. It's not really the top of the world, you just feel like it cause there's a bunch of really short people there.

If all the rivers run into the ocean, why is the ocean never full?

[Fridays Child]

Cancellations.


Why aren't swedes turnips?

[Synamon]

For the same reason sweet potatoes aren't yams.


Why did Popeye eat spinach?

[Wapiti]

Because Olive Oyl was a vegetarian and would kick his ass if he ever ate meat.

Does the earth rotate clockwise or counterclockwise?

[Synamon]

Neither, it wobbles like a weeble (To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 15 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.). But it won't fall down.

Why are there no drive in movie theaters anymore?

[Fridays Child]

Because they began to make smaller car trunks.


Which is tastier....puce or maroon?

[Synamon]

Macaroons are delicious. (nothing called puce tastes good)

If you know what color puce is does that make you gay?

[Eth]

O no you di'int girl-frien'! *triple snap*

Does the last roll of toilet paper get lonely in the cupboard?

[Synamon]

Nuh uh, the last roll only gets lonely when it is down to the last square. Nothing is lonelier than the last square of toilet paper. Change the roll for heavens sake.


Oh say can you see?

[Eth]

Nope, can't hear either. Huh? Come again?

Never gonna give you up?

[Synamon]

You know the rules and so do I (damn you, now I have that cheesy song (To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 15 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.) in my head)


Why is the rockets glare red?

[Fridays Child]

It's actually puce but that sounded double hella gay.


Are snakes ever constipated?

[Wapiti]

yes, thats what snake charmers are for.

Why is called a storm drain? Does it really drain the storm?

[Eth]

You know the rules and so do I (damn you, now I have that cheesy song (To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 15 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.) in my head)


*maniacal laughter*

yes, thats what snake charmers are for.

Why is called a storm drain? Does it really drain the storm?

Yes, storms are lustful insatiable beasts. The drains were the only solution we could think of.

Is it just another manic monday?

[Synamon]

Sssssttttooooopppppppp with the cheesy songs. I don't like Mondays. :p
So there, it's Saturday Night.

Why do birds suddenly appear?

[Eth]

They didn't, they were always there. They want to know why YOU suddenly appeared.

Is it somewhere over the rainbow?

[Synamon]

No, it's down the rabbit hole.


Am I late for an important date?

[Wapiti]

At your age, you're always late.

Am I gonna die?

[Eth]

Yes, but you'll respawn in 30 seconds, so no worries.

Should I have taken the left at Albuquerque?

[Synamon]

At your age, you're always late.

Am I gonna die?

Ouch :cry:
Yes, you will die when I hunt you down and like a dog (called fluffball).


How would you like to die?

edit:
No, you should go right, then take two lefts.

See above for my question

[Eth]

Taking everyone else with me.

Did you just touch me?

[Seppuku Savant]

No, I never touch anyone on purpose. I can tell you what did touch you. It's a creature from the species otherwise known as, monster under the bed or in the closet. Whichever you prefer is acceptable.

Why do human beings need food?

[Eth]

Actually we don't, it's all just a big conspiracy to keep the economy going.

Why is yellow so slow?

[JessicaHavenLea]

Because if it moved faster it would turn red. And you know yellow and red have past issues that keep them from being close friends.

Why isn't earth a cube?

[ChrisM]

Well, earth wanted to be a tetrahedron, but it settled with cylinder. Who knows why..

Why, what, when, where, and how?

[Eth]

Well, earth wanted to be a tetrahedron, but it settled with cylinder. Who knows why..

Why, what, when, where, and how?

Clnl. Mustard in the observatory with the lead pipe. It was about 2200 and he just got tired of Mrs. Peacocks rambling. Can't say I blame him.

Is it really true?

[Synamon]

Yup, completely and totally true. Unless I'm lying. Which I might be. Or not.

Am I lying?

[Eth]

Yes, but it's ok. Soothe me with sweet lies!

What color are zebras?

[Synamon]

Pink, with white stripes.

Are unicorns real?

[Eth]

Yes, but they prefer to be called unihorses, they think it sounds more masculine.

How do they find so many purple rocks at the store?

[Beery Swine]

Through the final frontier for science: alchemy.

Why did I have to eat that third chili dog today?

[ssrprotege]

Because the third chili dog happened to contain beer and pork.

What is your computer's security code?

[JessicaHavenLea]

The square root of my weight in inches divided by my height in pounds plus the world's population of fruit flies.

What is an Ipod?

[Synamon]

Introverted Percieving Obsessive Driven personality type, I sure hope you aren't one of those. I'd much rather be an ESPN.

Who will win Wimbledon?

[Erika Redmark]

The blancmanges.

Why can't you divide by 0?

[Synamon]

You can divide by 0 IF you add an imaginary number and then subtract it later, but if you forget the imaginary number or don't subtract it right then the entire world will implode and no one wants that responsibility, so most people avoid dividing by 0 altogether.

Do blancmanges look as good as Nadal in Tennis capris?

[Seppuku Savant]

Not really. However, pleated skirts elevate blancmanges to the same status.

Do people enjoy musical cards?

[bladeserver]

Well I certainly do. My favorite is the four of spades.


Seriously shouldn't Spaniards stick to bullfighting or Soccer? (question submitted on behalf of Mrs. H. Federer and the Swiss Chocolate federation).

[Synamon]

Let's evaluate this seriously: bullfighters wear tights right? and soccer players wear shorts? Both sports seem to show off the legs so yes I'd enjoy watching Spaniards do them as well as tennis. Swoon.

In tennis why is nothing love?

[bladeserver]

Love is always nothing. Lust makes the world go around.


Why are the English so revered?

[Synamon]

You have it all wrong, it was the Americans who had Paul Revere.

Who's winning the damn tennis match?

[bladeserver]

Arthur ashe.

Why do bunnies hop?

[Synamon]

So they can wear those full, flowing skirts and bobbie socks. And big hair, don't forget the big hair.


Why was everyone too busy for 10 hours to answer my question?

[Wapiti]

They weren't, they were just avoiding you and that poodle thing you've got going on.

Whats with the poodle?

[ssrprotege]

You can easily coddle them.

What's with whyme1234?

[Lupin]

He's heavy with child.....so please give up your seat!

Who killed cock robin?

[ssrprotege]

Do you feel guilty? (Answer)

Do you plead guilty? (Question)

[Elfrun]

Yes but I swear I didn't do it.



Is the Loch Ness Monster mammal or fish?

[Lupin]

Mammalian, but it has a forked uterus like a kangaroo so has had great difficulty finding a suitable partner in the one loch where it resides. *Nessie certainly needs to get out more if the line is to continue :)*.

Why were there only 3 wise men?

[JessicaHavenLea]

The other 7 were busy playing tennis on the first generation Wii.

Why do Twizzlers taste like candles?

[Elfrun]

What the eff is a Twizzler :suspicious: ok... googled... eugh don't they look appetising...

I believe you'll find they are candles so it's not so surprising that's what they taste like.



Why does JessicaHavenLea know what candles taste like?

[Seppuku Savant]

JessicaHavenLea has the patent on candles. She had to taste test to assure quality.

Why is grass green?

[rwyatt365]

Grass is actually not green, it just wears green tights to keep us guessing.

Is Carmen really from San Diego?

[bladeserver]

Yes. 123 willow drive to be precise. Knock three times.


How do you sterilize pretzels?

[emanon]

Pretzels are sterilized when they are coated with grains of salt. Beware of those jumbo pretzels that have not been salted.

What is the best way to serve preserves?

[bladeserver]

You don't deserve to serve preserves. That privilege only comes after years of training. I am only in year 8 - napkin folding.

Is there no end to this?

[Amity]

There are two ends to any thread.

Why do fools fall in lava?

[einnelsate]

Because they want to be hot(ter); so that another fool would fall in love with them.

Why can't Santa be sexier?

[rwyatt365]

Girl friend, have you seen Santa lately?! He's been workin' out on the Bowflex!!

How many fools does it take to fill a caldera?

[IgnoranceIsKind]

Just one to convince the rest of the herd that lava is really just another type of swimming pool, except they use orange soda instead of water. :devilish:

How many INTJ's does it take to drink a gallon of orange soda?

[bladeserver]

We don't drink orange soda. It says so definitively in para 4 e 1 of the profile " ...and they definitely do not like orange soda".

Is it enough to just want or should i also wish?

[lollardy2000]

You are irrelevant because humans will die out someday, in the meantime let's just make robots as a mirror of humanity to amuse ourselves.

Holy shit, am I God?

[bladeserver]

Of course. I am pretty sure all ENTJ's are Godlike creatures if not the one true God. So it's a definite maybe.

Penny for the guy?

[lollardy2000]

Of course. I am pretty sure all ENTJ's are Godlike creatures if not the one true God. So it's a definite maybe.

INSTRUCTIONS from first post: So, I have an idea: let's play "The Wrong Answer Game". Ask a random question ... and the next person to post answers that question INCORRECTLY and asks another one ... and so on and so forth.

But you answered CORRECTLY, bladeserver!

[curiousjane]

No, but I have a penny for your thoughts, bladeserver.

Should I stay or should I go now?

[Cygnus]

If you stay there could be trouble, if you go there could be double...It is like Double Jeopardy! I'll take The Rapists for $600.....that's Therapists you idiot! CJ you need to make a saving throw role to see if you stay or go, so get out your 20 sided die. It is a role against your Wisdom -4 modifier...good luck!

Are you too shy, shy?

[faedra]

No, Shy's only one shy. One miracle shy of becoming ruler of the world, mwahaha.

Why do the wheels on the bus go round?

[Synamon]

So the people on the bus can pop up like toast from a toaster of course.

Why oh why did you leave me high and dry?