I'm So Bored; Please Amuse Me - The Wrong Answer Game

[reiven]

Daily Double winner! answer the following question for 1000

what is Robespierre's brothers name?

[GenessorDios]

Trick question, Robespierre had 4 sisters, 3 cousins, 7 cats & 5 dads but no brothers.

Why do people not work only 4 days a week?

[reiven]

because OSHA employees have a great union, and require the hours for themselves, ergo we have to show up, too.

how come we can't see the lessons in the french revolution?

[GenessorDios]

It's not complete yet, they're barely 3/4 of the way, 90 more degrees to go France!

When will it be time for me to get a new speaker?

[WoodsWoman]

When you can't hear yourself think.

Just how many books do I own?

[GenessorDios]

27 books own you, commie.

Who is in charge of ensuring all chocolate chip cookies have the regulated minimum number of chocolate chips?

[reiven]

@ GD Keebler Trolls

@WW one....two....four!

why is everything a monty python reference for me?

[GenessorDios]

Because you walk funny.

How many steps does an Acronymoholics Anonymous program consist of?

[Liason]

many, but you gave up after you found out it was more than one.

Why did Bears have to win over wolves?

[reiven]

it was in the original contract

why do sharks mess with people?

[Cooper]

Easier then messing with cruise ships

Why is there only 28 days in Feb.?

[Liason]

Because you killed the other 4. Stop hating on love.

Why did reiven cough up hairballs on my lap when he met me?

[WoodsWoman]

Because you weren't furry enough.

Why is home so comfortable even though lonely?

[Liason]

Because home is where your heart is.

Why do I have such disturbing dreams?

[True Rune]

It was the aliens, from 7 year ago.


Why have I arrived here?

[Liason]

It was the aliens as well.

What exactly happened?

[Calica]

I know, but they instructed me not to tell.

Why are two walls in my room painted red?

[Cooper]

Headbangers.

Why is my hair gray?

[WoodsWoman]

Fyrn hand painted each one for you.

What should I do with my life?

[AnnoyingPony]

You should take your life skydiving. They like that, from what I've heard.

Why do Neo-Nazis exist?

[Cooper]

Someone has to be the low life

Why is there STILL raceism?

[WoodsWoman]

Because most people think it's about NASCAR.

Who designed the calendar as we know it?

[Cooper]

Fred Flintstone

Why is the US government filled with idiots?

[WoodsWoman]

Because there are no other jobs requiring their qualifications.

Why haven't they designed a truck that's front wheel drive?

[Cooper]

Not enough tow truck to respond to the wrecks

Why would you want a front wheel drive truck?

[WoodsWoman]

(Isn't all the weight over the front wheels?)

Because my mom dropped me on my head when I was two.

Why do cars have to have computers now when they didn't used to?

[Cooper]

Better performance
trucks need torque to do what they do, front wheel drive wouldn't be enough

What is the meaning of red?

[hutbug]

He was trying to tell you he belongs in your background instead of Blue.

Why do women like gothic romance novels so much?

[Cooper]

They like them for the castles

Why am I wide awake?

[hutbug]

Because the night is too young!

Why does my neck hurt?

[Cooper]

Fish balancing

Why did it suddenly get colder?

[hutbug]

Because you just finishing pigging out on some Ben 'n Jerry.

Why do I have to go to the bathroom so much?

[Cooper]

Because you have an IV of your favorite drink

Why do I suddenly have to go to the bathroom?

[hutbug]

You don't; just ignore the feeling, it will 'pass'.

Why do I crave frozen yogurt?

[reiven]

because you have a culture deficiency; it's analogous to eating dirt when your iron is low.

why is it so easy to extrovert here?

[GenessorDios]

Your 2nd personality is more computer savvy than your INTP one.

When will Burger King make a Quadruple Whopper?

[WoodsWoman]

When they stop telling whoppers with each sale.

Why do yellow and blue make green?

[GenessorDios]

They tried making orange but they just weren't very good at it.

How much would it cost to surgically alter my MBTI type?

[Cooper]

2 cents. That what the opinion is worth.

Why am I always hungery?

[jonnyb]

You forgot to take the tapeworm kilz pill with that South American diet to loose weight.

---------- Post added 03-07-2010 at 08:49 AM ----------

Why do so many cops show up for one traffic stop?

[Cooper]

And you left your brain at the bar...no question there saucemaster....

[jonnyb]

No questions deserve no answers.

Why am I known as saucemaster?

[GenessorDios]

Many a person has enjoyed your special sauce.

Why am I not a millionaire yet?

[jonnyb]

You haven't figured out how to market my special sauce. 70-30 cut man, in your favor. Rich in no time.

Where can I get all the bodies to make my special sauce when it goes big?

[Cooper]

Try Mickey D's.

Whats in this sauce of yours, Saucemaster?

[GenessorDios]

No! I have a patent out on it! Use it and pay me royalties Cooper!

To everyone except Cooper: Where might one hire a patent lawyer for really quick patent applications?

[JTG]

At wal-mart. You know... you can buy anything (including but not limited to human souls) there.

Where are the Snowdens of yesteryear?

[GenessorDios]

Duh, at WalMart too, right next to the Raindens of this year.

How can one become a president?

[vern]

Snowdens are found in the mountains silly...

Would you like fries with that?

[Liason]

Never! they will get you like they got me one day and your answer will be the same! O.O

What is pi in reverse from the 10th digit?

[Cooper]

Because the cake didn't fit.

Why are dogs covered in fur?

[vern]

To keep the condiments cold of course?

Where is Aruba?

[Cooper]

Just south of Anewba.

Where are the subtropics?

[WoodsWoman]

Below the cake.

Why is it so hard to rub your own back?

[Liason]

It isn't, you just need arms that are backwards.

Why are birth defects seen as defects and not unique qualities?

[ssrprotege]

Thanks to prevalent Nazism. Hitler, who is in fact alive and running underground operations to resurrect the NSDAP, considered them as defects, so it must be so. You are not to question the Führer.

Why is Hamlet's soliloquy, "To be or not to be, that is the question," so famous?

[reiven]

it fell out of favor for many years until the rebirth of country music in the 90's. barbra mandrell was looking for a sex partner and someone suggested she try toby keith. she pondered...toby or not toby...that was her question.

why does country music suck so horribly?

[AnnoyingPony]

Because it was invented by the mad redneck scientist Butt Buttlington, who was notorious for making things that sucked hard (i.e., George W. Bush is actually his monstrous creation). He was also notorious for eating roadkill from the highway and varmits he shot with his shotgun.

Why does GEERUP think that atheists act like this? To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 15 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.

[reiven]

because he has a youtube account

why do things that smell bad get the "wet dog" reference?

[AnnoyingPony]

Because the "wet dog" expression is actually a racial slur dating back to the Human-Canine War of 1440, where the Humans and Rats fought against the Dogs and Cats looking to expand their kingdoms. Humans used water-balloons filled with putrid pus against the Dogs, and they smelled very bad as a result.

Why is Alaska a state?

[Reganon]

Because America needs some place to dump its expired cultural icons.

What does batman do in his spare time?

[reiven]

so texas would shut up about how big it is. if alaska were cut in two, texas would be smaller than each half.

why do texans think texas is a nation?

[GenessorDios]

It's easier than picking up an book.

How many people could be given heart attacks by all the salt in the Pacific Ocean?

[reiven]

Sea water in the pacific is about a 3.49% salt solution, with the total number of drops being appx 12,800,000,000,000,000,000,000,000. this means the salt-kill potential could eliminate all females in Hoboken NJ + everyone with one blue eye and one green eye in the combined Dakota's + everyone named Sven in Cordele Ga, (minus trait applicable transients in any of those localities).
great question.

what is mud used for?

[GenessorDios]

In my house? Why as broth of course. If you're asking about the rest of the world, they're just wasting it all by throwing it away, the fools. Mark my words, the day will come when chickens stop giving birth to chicken broth cubes. Who'll be laughing then, eh, world?

How do I stop stray cats from howling at night?

[reiven]

Pfizer has a new kitty sleeping pill called Howldol. works like a charm.

why do i hate cats?

[GenessorDios]

They can still see you when you wear your bling. Also they like to piss on your blankets to piss you off.

How is it you do not know such a simple fact about yourself and have to ask a stranger for answers?

[reiven]

head trauma with a side of selective amnesia

shouldn't i be at work by now?

[GenessorDios]

No, you took the morning off so you should be having a coffee and bagel at this time. Then you're to take a walk through the park and feed pigeons. You sometimes forget to take your Monday medicine but will be reminded by an alarm set in your phone....I mean, so Fyrnae tells me....

Why is it so difficult to find good new music?

[reiven]

because there is no such thing.

why do red wasps hate me?

[Cooper]

Because you just accused them of being communists.

Will I ever learn to spell?

[hutbug]

No, but don't worry, it's highly overrated...unless you're trying to compose your last will and testament.

Why is it so hard to get off this forum and go back to work?!?

[Cooper]

Because we are sick bastards and you love us.

Why do I eat dinner rolls?

[reiven]

because stop/drop/and/rolls give you heartburn

why oh why did i swallow the fly; do you think i'll die?

[Cooper]

Hell no! That fly knows better and is looking for an escape route as we speak!

Why are the dogs so restless?

[reiven]

the high-carb cane-sugar diet might be part of the problem.

why can't people be more loyal...like dogs?

[hutbug]

They could be...what food are you offering?

Why are lava lamps so cool?

[jonnyb]

The brain works the sane way in the head as the lamp goo that floats up and sinks down. Since human experimentation with a live brain is essentially illegal, the lamp is the next best entertainment.

Why can't we perform ameture thunderscopic brain surgeries more often?

[hutbug]

Because it requires you to be standing and have your hands free. Also, since there's no such thing as ameture thunderscopic brain surgeries, they are rare.

why am I sitting here in smelly workout clothes when I should be showering?

[GenessorDios]

You forgot whose gym bag you took the used workout clothes clothes from, now you're waiting for said person so you can return them.

How is it an ant can lift 50 times its own weight and I can only lift a third of mine?

[hutbug]

The ant has a lifetime membership to the gym. What's your excuse?

What's the best exercise?

[IrishGuy]

Wii Couch Potato.

Why do I insist on posting on a forum when I should be writing lab reports?

[jonnyb]

Because we are probably all part of your science experiment.

I wish I can remember to get up early in the morning.

[GenessorDios]

I wish you could remember which thread you're posting in.

Why do I never realize I'm saying something stupid til the second it leaves my face?

[reiven]

because you for get to adjust for atmospheric conditions.

why do they say 'all politics is local'?

[GenessorDios]

It's to distract you while they tar and feather your chickens.

Why does cowflesh taste so damn good?

[Cooper]

'Cuz its not dog.

Why am I so tired?

[WoodsWoman]

Because you ate cockroaches for supper.

Why did I take this class?

[hutbug]

cuz you needed something to post about in the Pass this by thread.

how long will it be before I get fired for goofing off at work?

[Cooper]

I already fired my work.

Why can't I stop laughing when I look at hutbugs new av?

[IrishGuy]

You inhaled nitrous oxide.

Why do I have the one Toyota that refuses to accelerate?

[Cooper]

You don't, mine is fine, too.

Will I ever run out of dinner rolls?

[IrishGuy]

Only if you apply the brakes.

Why is pork the "other white meat" instead of chicken?

[Cooper]

Bigger parts.

Why does Wyatt's butt stink?
(go fart somewhere else dog)

[reiven]

because the dog-asswash-crew is holding out for better benefits and a European 4 day work week with nine weeks of paid leave per year.

should i start a hostile takeover at my new job?

[Cooper]

Do you work at a nuclear plant?

Why is Wyatt staring at me?

[jonnyb]

Wyatt can't decide to laugh or be scared.

Why do I get stopped by people who want to chit chat at the most inconvienient times?

[Cooper]

Because someone put a sign over your head that says "ask me stupid questions"

What time is it?

[reiven]

i didn't get to your question fast enough to help you. oh well

do little things really mean a lot?

[jonnyb]

Only if they're big little things.

Why is there so much bitterness in life if we have record consumptions of sugar?

[Gotta Wait]

Acid rain.

Should I buy a house with a pool?

[jonnyb]

No, just buy the pool and live in your van. You will always be able to have a bath.

Will a haircut really make me feel better?

[reiven]

Why is there so much bitterness in life if we have record consumptions of sugar?

because there is only so much sugar, and we live in a supply and demand economy. those who have eat the best sugar, but some have to eat imitation sugar, or used sugar, or in some cases cayenne pepper; they feel the strain of an inequitable economic structure. Government Sugar Allowances and confiscatory taxes on Big Sugar are the only way people will ever have justice.

why am i so hating on politics tonight?

[GenessorDios]

Ronald Reagan used to steal your lunch money.

When will Earth finally die and collapse in on itself?

[reiven]

when woodrow wilson returns as the antichrist

how soon will i have to start cutting my grass?

[GenessorDios]

Once the hired vegetarians get full.

How should one cook vegetarians?

[jonnyb]

In corn oil.

If I am what I eat and eat a vegetarian, does that make me a vegetarian because the vegetarien would then be a plant?

[AnnoyingPony]

No, if you are what you eat then that makes us all cannibals. I guess that means I'm a human...

Why do all my books end up sloppily piled up by the side of my bed instead of in the bookcase where they're supposed to be?

[GenessorDios]

The ghost of your great granduncle is trying to get your attention.

Why does time pass so quickly?

[Synchronicity]

It's doesn't. You're just not paying attention.

Why did the chicken cross the road?

[hutbug]

Because his pizza was ready to go.

What does it take to achieve financial independence?

[jonnyb]

Grit teeth, caustic spit and a good hard slap on the backside.

Why does the water cooler water taste like swamp klew?

[Cooper]

'cuz thats what it is,

Why do birds fly south?

[jonnyb]

For the same reason they later fly North.

How can I improve my reading speeds and retention?

[GenessorDios]

I already taught you this, don't you remember?

When is it a good time to tell someone you like them?

[reiven]

while their mate is reciprocating marriage vows. be sure to use your outdoor voice.

why don't i feel things?

[GenessorDios]

Things filed a restraining order against you. You really want to go back to jail?

Where can I get a stylish pair of shoes?

[reiven]

to fit those feet?

does my escapee pet snake yet live?

[GenessorDios]

Technically he's still alive, since I swallowed him whole.

How do I know if my spaghetti's done?

[ssrprotege]

You think you waited for <insert how many hours per day you spend at INTJf>? Then it's done for sure!

Why do people have confirmation bias?

[Cooper]

Feels good to the gray matter.

I'm I missing something, here?

[GenessorDios]

Here you go, some coffee.

How much shit do baristas have to take daily?

[reiven]

yes. every time you're not looking, one of the furry bastards points at you and laughs.

what should i do today?

[GenessorDios]

The same thing you try to do everyday reivy. Try to take over the world. It's reivy, it's reivy and the ring, ring, ring, ring, ring.

How can I make myself smarter?

[reiven]

yes! follow these simple steps:
1. place a salad bowl on your head and trace the outline with a sharpie
2. cut along the line
3. remove and discard skull top
4. remove brain and bathe it in a mixture of bleach(1 part) and sorghum molasses(3 parts)
5. return brain to brain cavity
6. super glue salad bowl over exposed brain.*

* be sure to get a hermetic seal to avoid infection.

i wish i still had my medical license

[Cooper]

What? ASE certified to work on robots and saled bowls isn't enough?

Should I shave?

[reiven]

depends on your deductible.

what is licorice made from?

[Cooper]

Black and red stuff.

Why do I want yet another coffee?

[reiven]

to bring home a playmate for your nightstand.

what is the difference between grapes and a bar stool?

[IrishGuy]

Grapes have a foot fetish and stools like the back entrance.

What's the similarity between Jack in the Box and a Doc. in the box?

[GenessorDios]

They were both heavy cocaine users at the peak of their success.

How did anyone ever live without cars?

[AnnoyingPony]

They didn't. The assertion that people lived before the invention of cars is a lie perpetrated by the Amish, who are the eternal enemies of the Cars. Cars are responsible for all human existence.

Who are the Quakers (I'm talking about the religion)?

[Synchronicity]

Stolid sonsofbitches who aren't nearly as good at making oatmeal as you'd think.

What is the most livable place in the world?

[GenessorDios]

Trick question. Anywhere is livable as long as you don't require water or food.

How does one go about applying for a house loan?

[AnnoyingPony]

The most livable place in the world is Antarctica, because the penguins have better healthcare and retirement benefits that we do.

And for my question, why does New Age music exist? It really sucks!

[GenessorDios]

How else can one act like an elitist if there's only good music around?

Might I get a glass of water?

[AnnoyingPony]

Yes. But first you must retrieve it from the mystical muds of the Styx River, which must then be boiled in a fire made from frankincense and myrrh, and poured into a goblet made of unicorn horn blessed by the Priestesses of Hera. Then you may have your glass of water.

I wish I didn't have to breathe so that I could go underwater and in space and stuff. :D

[Synchronicity]

Not granted! You suffocate and die horribly.

Why do people always get the game threads mixed up?

[AnnoyingPony]

Synchronicity is banned for asking questions.

Why does America have the largest proportion of jailed people per 100,000 in the world?

[Cooper]

'cuz there is room to do that.

Why do people stampede when the ground moves?

[GenessorDios]

Everyone thinks there's a Walmart sale on and don't want to miss out.

What do I do if my boss catches me sleeping at work?

[jonnyb]

Learn to sleep with your eyes open so your boss will think you are paying close attention.

Should I try to get coverage for a shift I want off or just call in sick?

[GenessorDios]

Get someone to cover for you, then call that person in sick. Spread rumors about how he is mentally ill and when he comes to work, tell everyone he proved your point. Demand a raise from your boss for having to cover for your intellectually deficient coworker, then use your extra days of leave to rest.

Would it be good or bad to be the best worker in the office?

[jonnyb]

Both. Good for you as you consistently get all the work and keep your day filled with productivity for someone else's benefit and bad for your boss as now he gets promoted out of your presence with the output of your efforts.

Why is a Libra dangerous to a Taurus?

[GenessorDios]

Bulls are too heavy, they're liable to break the scale and fall off into the pit of lava below.

How did the phrase 'welcome wagon' come about?

[tooboku]

They needed a politically correct sounding term to refer to in place of 'clown car (To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 15 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.)'.

Why can't teddybears have babies?

[Cooper]

They do, they look just like what the cat hacks up.

Why am I addicted to coffee?

[tooboku]

Because it gives you an excuse to say "nigger juice".

What is the difference between toilet paper and towels?

[jonnyb]

Nothing, you can still blow your nose with both after using them.

How could one see in real time the performance of their car's ignition system?

[IrishGuy]

Buy a Toyota and hit the gas.

Why is my fish staring at me?

[jonnyb]

It looks at you in your little room, wandering around in it just like you look at it swiming in its little glass jar, trapped in a never changing environment.

Why do people get pissed when I don't do things that can seriously harm them?

[reiven]

Some people just need the rush having serious harm done to themselves, which is why they get pissed when you don't make the effort to cause them injury.

what were those black flecks in the bottom of my h2o2?

[jonnyb]

Not sure, but I bet if you stop bloodletting yourself in that container of h202, you won't have to worry about the fiz anymore.

Why is my computer constantly timing out?

[reiven]

making your computer do push ups didn't change the attitude, spanking didn't work; what more could you do besides time out?

how does salt get onto the roasted peanut inside the shell?

[jonnyb]

Discarded hyperdermic needles in the peanut fields.

What are some other good uses for a pex pipe ring crimper?

[reiven]

it is perfectly safe to use a pex pipe ring crimper as a zipline glide hook.

why would anyone buy a second bag of roasted soynuts?

[Cooper]

Why buy the first?

What is going on around here?

[jonnyb]

This is where to inner workings of the collective conscious go for enlightenment.

Why are the shells on macadamia nuts so hard to get into?

[Cooper]

Because they aren't raisins.

What time is daylight saving time?

[IrishGuy]

Yesterday. Time to spend, spend, spend.

Why is Lebron James called "King."

[reiven]

because when he was in grade school someone told him the king was the high card. basketball allowed him to flit through school without learning to read, even a deck of cards. now, whenever he plays any card game, his friends let him think that whichever card he throws is a king. the name stuck.

why do i find some way to use the word 'flit' at least once a week?

[GenessorDios]

Your godmother was a hummingbird who had a very profound influence on you during your infanthood 450 years ago.

Why has FTL travel still not been proven possible?

[jonnyb]

Because we still have the FTD flower delivery service that is efficient enough.

How does one get to be over 525 pounds?

[GenessorDios]

It's not easy, you start with a couple of quid but if you work hard enough, you get a few hundred soon enough.

What's up with people who don't signal before changing lanes?

[jonnyb]

Unfortunately it is what is up with the rest of us. The people who don't signal live in a higher plane of life than the rest of us signalers. They are able to communicate through thoughts and did intently alert you of their intention to change lanes and/or cut you off. If it makes you feel any better, they were able to hear your thoughts at the time you got pissed at them, unless if you gestured or vocalized any communication, they did not recieve it as they work by though alone.

I wish I remembered my coffee in the cafeteria when I was down there already. Oh, I also wish for a slice of chocolate mousse pie that I saw down there to go along with my coffee wish.

[AnnoyingPony]

Not granted! You're in the wrong thread!

Why do I have a severe allergic reaction to my neighbor's trees?

[jonnyb]

Oh,....OK. I guess it's all fun and games untill someone misposts an eye out.

^Your neighbor has access to all your medical records and genetically manipulated the trees to emit the substances that you are allergic to so that you will eventually move away.

What is the best daylight savings time present to get someone?

[Synchronicity]

Their lost hour, of course :rolleyes:

Why did humans invent guns?

[jonnyb]

Humans know what they like.

When was the last time you smoked anything?

[Synchronicity]

Yesterday, when I rolled up my latest issue of Sports Illustrated and set fire to it.

How do you find you way out of a forest?

[WoodsWoman]

Smoked my tires on the way into town this morning - follow the smell of the smoke to get out of the forest.

Why are baby critters so dang cute?

[jonnyb]

They are so cute to help prevent us all from eating them before they can mature and repopulate their species.

When did people first eat veal?

[WoodsWoman]

Last evening.

Why are rainy days so melancholy?

[jonnyb]

Something is happening outside but you don't want to be there cause you'll get wet. Go splash in a few puddles.

Why is it I catch on after something is already finished?

[Cooper]

thats when your.....brain.....finally shows up.

how much does a pink flamingo cost?

[WoodsWoman]

The same as a white elephant.

How do bumblebees fly?

[Cooper]

That is still a mystery.

Where can I get a plastic pink flamingo?

[jonnyb]

Vegas, the pink flamingo hotel. You will have a cool story to tell how you evaded security and got shot at as you procured it.

How much lettuce do I have to eat to offset the grease on my hamburger?

[WoodsWoman]

Six and a half heads - or about 5 ounces.

Why is the temperature still climbing?

[jonnyb]

Its basement is flooding.

How can I con someone into buying rights to newly discovered planetoids?

[Cooper]

tell them there is preperation H under the surface....

Anyone have a plastic pink flamingo link?

[reiven]

yes, liason has one under a cheesecake somewhere.

why can't i breather through my nose today?

[Cooper]

You forgot to empty the cat box.

Where the hell is that info on plastic pink flamingos?

[WoodsWoman]

Under your truck seat.

Is it going to stay warm enough so this rain doesn't freeze?

[Cooper]

Only if the plastic pink flamingos show up.

Where are those cheesy plastic pink flamingos again?

[jonnyb]

To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 15 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.

What sounds good for a latter end of shift snack?

[Cooper]

that link you just showed.....

Where are the real plastic pink flamingos?

[WoodsWoman]

In the trunk in the back room in the attic - look out for spiders.

Why do you want plastic pink flamingos?

[jonnyb]

How did I know you were going to curse my snack with that...... serves me right

To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 15 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.

What would a person do with pink flamingos?

[Cooper]

Doesn't everyone want real plastic pink flamingos"

Oh, by the way, has anyone seen the real plastic.......

[GenessorDios]

I have. There are plastic dots littered all around my room.

Is it possible to sneeze with your eyes open?

[jonnyb]

It is possible, but it is generally the last thing those who wished to prove it ever did.

How would it be to have an extra useable hand?

[GenessorDios]

Not that great, you can scratch your ass more easily but that's pretty much it.

Why is Dick short for Richard?

[jonnyb]

Because Richard didn't do his keigles.

Why do people consistently bitch about the weather?

[GenessorDios]

Stupid climate keeps changing her stupid mind, hot and cold, global warming, *grumble grumble*

How can I become a millionaire in a year?

[Synchronicity]

Work 3 jobs and stop eating.

What is the greatest movie ever made?

[hutbug]

*sneaky question!* Easily, Bolero with Bo Derek. Rent it today! Or you might find someone who would pay you to take it off their hands...


Same ?

[curiousjane]

Attack of the Killer Tomatoes

Mother may I?




**Just got to say, after a several month sabbatical from the forum, I am thrilled to pieces to see this game is still going strong, two years or so since I started it!**

[GenessorDios]

Yes you may mother, but have you decided who you are going to mother?

Why doesn't someone invent unstainable pants?

[Cooper]

Ever hear of Seran Wrap?

Why would anyone buy second hand underwear?

[GenessorDios]

Companies stopped production of second hand underwear years ago when they found out that minute hand underwear was much cheaper to produce. Now the only way to obtain it is by inheriting/buying it from someone else.

Is it a sin to laugh at someone so hard when they fall down that you squirt milk out your nose and onto their face?

[Cooper]

Only if is the pope and you are a dope with soap on a rope.

Why does it feel like I am now completely around the bend?

[jonnyb]

Because you finally got your back, crack and sack wax.

Who was the first person to get the idea to drill into other people's teeth?

[WoodsWoman]

Donald Duck - ever wonder why he didn't have any?

What's the best way to deter ants?

[Cooper]

Flamethrower.

Why do I want a pizza right now? Wonder if they deliver this time of day?

[IrishGuy]

Because you're really a teenage mutant ninja turtle. Sure they'll deliver, but it will take them an hour to find the manhole.

How do I get that person yacking on their cell phone in the library to be quiet?

[EmmaKynikos]

Bring them a pint o' Guinness.

How did the pope's dope rope end up here?

[Cooper]

An alter boy brought in over.

Why was there flying monkeys in the "Wizard of Oz"?

[hutbug]

They had to fly to Italy to deliver the poppy dope to the pope.

Why do most commercials suck so badly?

[Cooper]

Less messy then blowing.

Why do I have 500 channels to watch, but there is still nothing on?

[GenessorDios]

You didn't subscribe to 500 channels of static, you just haven't connected your cables yet.

Why have we not yet had any contact from extraterrestrials?

[Cooper]

We have. Ever seen a monkey up close?

Why do I do the things I do and say the things I say?

[GenessorDios]

It is impossible for an installed program to be disobeyed or circumvented. Come on, you should know this, we were built together!

How many miles must a car travel to be considered broken in?

[Cooper]

Ford: 1
Chevy: 2

Where do all the birds go at night?

[GenessorDios]

The White House needs to be touched up some time.

Why is tree sap undrinkable?

[Charly]

Maple syrup. You can drink it.

Why do the terms feeling up and feeling down have such different meanings?

[EmmaKynikos]

One is clockwise, the other counter.

Why do I collect cow figurines?

[reiven]

you intend to propagate a new religion to which you are the titular deity. the whole scam is just to re-sell the figurines to your worshippers at an obscene proffit.

why must i leave this warm, comfortable forum and go to work where i have to navigate real people?

[GenessorDios]

Lazy Karl is procrastinating on those detonator shipments (he must be an INTP I guess) so the C4 is still lying uselessly in your garage.

When will killer bees be harnessed as a superweapon?

[Cooper]

As soon as Ford makes another Pinto.

What is the meaning of pizza?

[EmmaKynikos]

It means to fly the red-eye.

What is the purpose of daylight savings time?

[GenessorDios]

People are saving up an hour each year until 2063, when they have accumulated a total time of 1 week, then they will spend it all to get an extra holiday.

Should I argue with my boss's orders and lose or obey silently and feel like a wuss?

[EmmaKynikos]

You should order your boss to feel like a wuss.

What's it like to play tiddledeewinks?

[GenessorDios]

It's pretty fun until someone inevitably loses an eye. Don't know why that game's not outlawed yet.

Should I summon rain or hail today?

[EmmaKynikos]

Now, I'm not the one to tell anyone what to do, but if I had a choice, I would elect to sit in a pub drinking guinness.

Should I take my leprechan for a walk?

[reiven]

Nebraska State University released findings in June showing the increased aggressiveness associated with limited physical activity in leprechauns.

• Nebraska State University study on dissociative behaviour in the magically irish, 2009

what is the magical power of garlic?

[Factoid]

The age of Aquarius.

Does anyone know if the is a shop around here where I can buy some cigarettes?

[EmmaKynikos]

cigarettes have been linked to improved health, though only in leprechans.

why do i have insomnia?

[Factoid]

You need to eat more garlic. You'll probably sleep better when you don't have to worry about the vampires.
Anyone have a light?

[GenessorDios]

*flicks the sun switch on*
There, now, is that better?

When will humans gain the technology to terraform?

[Cooper]

Soon as the Marsmen do.

What sould I have for dinner tonight?

[EmmaKynikos]

wait until the next full moon. then you will see the sun.

is it time to log off?

[reiven]

no. the mods have requested you remain posting until reiven logs off.

when did Springsteen stop being cool?

[EmmaKynikos]

springsteen was never cool.

should i walk to work tomorrow?

[Cooper]

How do your hands feel?

Should I go to bed early?

[EmmaKynikos]

the red badge of courage.

why does my wifi keep crashing?

[Cooper]

It didn't take Driver's Ed

Why do dogs run in their dreams?

[EmmaKynikos]

to make room for the cows.

how many southerners does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

[GenessorDios]

Two, but it takes three screws to light a southern bulb.

What is the difference between an alligator and a crocodile?

[EmmaKynikos]

one is sarcastic, the other sardonic.

is there light at the end of the tunnel?

[GenessorDios]

Yes, but it comes to be that the soothing light at the end of your tunnel is just a freight train coming your way.

Did the CIA really conduct LSD experiments on people?

[EmmaKynikos]

no.

when did the berlin wall fall?

[reiven]

termites

who uses sparkely ink?

[Liason]

you, on tuesdays.

Why does bears vs. vampires seem to come up so often for debate?

[reiven]

Since Ditka left, all money's on the vampires.

how long till football preseason?

[Synchronicity]

Not until the organizers figure out whether they're doing the American or the European kind.

Where do diamonds come from?

[newday]

From diabetic causing almonds, they did not figure until they saw one popped inside it.

What causes headbanging?

[Cooper]

Soft Jazz

Where is Timbucktoo?

[newday]

In a continent where many books are written.. in palms of man, in a country where people enjoys.. sniffing each other, in the city where you can see two men headbanging with each other.

How long does it take to make a fruit salad?

[Cooper]

How ever long it takes to crack a coconut.

What is utpoia?