I'm So Bored; Please Amuse Me - The Wrong Answer Game

[Synamon]

Ouch, those are sharp teeth you have there missy.

The day is not over because the sun hasn't come up yet.

Why does the sun rise in the east?

[anul]

Because it's afraid of west coast based gangs.

If a man made out of caramel attacked you with a knife. And you disarmed him, then ate him, because he was made out of caramel. Would that still be self defense?

[bladeserver]

Ouch, those are sharp teeth you have there missy.

The day is not over because the sun hasn't come up yet.

Why does the sun rise in the east?
It doesn't.

Why o why should i fish in the Wye?


Eating the evidence is only a misdemeanour so it is a smart move worthy of any INTJ.

Why o why should i fish in the Wye?

[Synamon]

Because they have the best tuna in the world there. Save me some.

Is it always darkest before the dawn?

[ChrisM]

No. Only 58.7% of the time.


Is it better to be happy, sad, or neither?

[rwyatt365]

All of the above, simultaneously.

Why do I feel full when I haven't eaten since yesterday?

[bladeserver]

All of the above, simultaneously.

Why do I feel full when I haven't eaten since yesterday?
Isn't in blindingly obvious.. Duhhh. You are pregnant.


Why wear a helmet indoors?

[rewhu]

You should always wear a helmet indoors. It announces to everyone that you are a rebel, a true bad a$$, a free thinker, an anarchist...you know, a spazz.

Hair pins are to electrical sockets as ________ is to cheese grater?

[curiousjane]

Fingertips. :-O

Why isn't it a = mc squared?

[Synamon]

It would have been, in his rough notes he had eh=mc^2 but Canadians found the formula offensive so he was forced to change it.

Why is airplane food so horrible?

[bladeserver]

It would have been, in his rough notes he had eh=mc^2 but Canadians found the formula offensive so he was forced to change it.

Why is airplane food so horrible?
To make you forget about the cramped seats.


Why bother?

[Lucid]

To make you forget about the cramped seats.


Why bother?

To get a rise out of those you bother.

Why ask why?

[Synamon]

Because no one will tell you the time if you don't ask why.

Does time stand still?

[rewhu]

No. Time is like your hyperactive little brother. Time can't sit still, wash behind it's ears or eat lima beans without pitching a fit.

I have a penny in my hand. What year was it minted?

[ChrisM]

2025, just before WWIII (To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 15 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.). I'd like to hear all about your time travels sometime.


What on earth am I here for (To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 15 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.)?

[rewhu]

You are here to supply me with ridiculously fantastic links like the one above. Oh, and I suppose you make a excellent organ storage unit. FYI the collection process will commence in 3, 2, 1...

*removes your liver, puts it in back pocket*





rewhu added to this post, 4 minutes and 59 seconds later...

Why did I forget to post a question?

[emanon]

Because your subconscious was trying to kill this thread.

Why would anyone want to kill this thread?

[Synamon]

Because they are jealous of this thread's popularity. Don't tell the "do you ever feel like you've killed a thread" thread how many posts this one has, it will be catastrophic.

Why do people keep forgetting to post questions?

[tp6626]

Because they've already answered the question they were going to think with a better answer, in their own head.

Why do we do this?

[anul]

Because if we stop, the terrorists win!

Who invented socks, and do their families still receive royalties for each pair sold?

[Synamon]

For the same reason we do everything, because we can.

Can I come up with a question that doesn't have a wrong answer?



edit: The Svock family (from Norway) get no royalties for socks, the family forgot to renew the patent. They all refuse to wear socks now, only slippers can be worn in their house.

Can I come up with a question that doesn't have a wrong answer?

[emanon]

Who invented socks, and do their families still receive royalties for each pair sold?

A Norwegian sheep farmer who sadly was so caught up with knitting newer and better socks that he didn't have any heirs.


Can I come up with a question that doesn't have a wrong answer?

Yes, but do so with caution. Such notions could cause heads to implode.

How do you pronounce rewhu?

[ElstonGunn]

"Rewhu" is pronounced exactly the way you think it would be pronounced: "snickerdoodle."

When in the course of human events, does it become necessary for one people to dissolve the political bands which have connected them with another, and to assume among the powers of the earth, the separate and equal station to which the Laws of Nature and of Nature's God entitle them?

[Synamon]

When Mother Goose croaks.

Why would anyone choose a name pronounced "snickerdoodle"?

[Beery Swine]

Because it tasted good.

Which letter is dominant in INTJ?

[Synamon]

The dominant is the one wearing leather and holding the whip. :whip:

Why do I know that?

[Elfrun]

Sorry, this INTJ doesn't do D/s only B&D and S&M, dominance is not tolerated.

Bah
The dominant is the one wearing leather and holding the whip. :whip:

Why do I know that?

First hand knowledge, I'm domineering you for getting in first.



Why do people keep calling me?

[Synamon]

Because your name is on the list.

Why do you keep answering?

[ssrprotege]

Because you keep asking the question, demanding spiritual answers from a quintessential Apollonian, ssrprotege.

Why do I find myself serving in Apollo's oracle?

[Beery Swine]

Because the Oracle from The Matrix died.

Why do southern states suck so bad?

[ssrprotege]

Straight answer: racism

Have you ever gotten thunder from Zeus?

[Elfrun]

Yup, regularly, he's a facebook friend, he gives me lots of pokes too.



Why does red go faster?

[bladeserver]

Straight answer: racism







Have you ever gotten thunder from Zeus?
Well I thought it was the chili but, now I come to think about it, I have always felt kinda different.

Why do Volcanoes heave?


Outoxed.

Why does red go faster?

Greater viscosity in that part of the color spectrum.


Why do volcanoes heave?

[rwyatt365]

Because they haven't learned how to keep down liquor when they drink too much.

Why am I?

[Elfrun]

Look within for the answer, you must meditate.



Why is my glass empty?

[Vivid]

Because you haven't filled it yet.


Why am I so uncreative?

[ChrisM]

You are, you must believe in yourself. Let your feelings be the guide.


Whom should I turn to in times of crisis?

[Synamon]

Father time. If he's not there just wait, he'll be back in 5 minutes.

Why is there air?

[bladeserver]

Father time. If he's not there just wait, he'll be back in 5 minutes.

Why is there air?
To cover your ead.

What price appiness?

[emanon]

It will cost you the return of the world's h's.

How happy are hippopotami?

[rewhu]

Incredibly, ridiculously happy, because they just finished reading The Secret, which they got from Oprah's book club list.

What do you get when you cross the honk of a platypus with a squawk of a hawk?

sincerely,

snickerdoodle

[emanon]

The hiccups.

How much cinnamon is too much for a snickerdoodle?

[rewhu]

Exactly 1/8th of a teaspoon is the absolute limit. Nutmeg, however, is a free for all.

If someone wrote "Look Who's Talking VII" who would be the main character and who would voice the internal dialogue?

[anul]

Jack Black would play the father, the child would be a very serious posthumously Charles Heston. Who absolutely hated his father. In the end the father would learn to be more serious, and the child would learn to loosen up. Then an asteroid would destroy them both.

Why does everyone love cake? Pie is far superior to cake. What's holding back pie from being the best?

[Synamon]

The main character would be in a nursing home and Jack Nicholson would do the voice.

edit:

Pie trails cake because of the crust, no one likes crust.

Why would anyone limit cinnamon?

[ssrprotege]

So that they don't get too addicted to the INTJ Forum.

Why do people carry their iPods every time they leave their houses?

[bladeserver]

So that they don't get too addicted to the INTJ Forum.

Why do people carry their iPods every time they leave their houses?
In case the mother ship calls.

Why do people talk so much and say so little?

[Elfrun]

Cause we think that you have so much to learn fella, so anyway, I was just out at a party and I met this guy who was from Canada, his name was Andy, do you know him, nah? Well I think he knows a couple of guys called Mick so maybe you do, he was a big fan of cocktails and looked good in a suit and tie. Um... what was the question?



Why does leather squeak?

[ChrisM]

It depends, usually it just wants some attention.


Should we change the world (To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 15 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.)?

[Synamon]

Yes, lets. Now where did I put my magic wand? Grrrrr I can never find it when I need it. You will have to change it yourself. Start with your socks.

Where is my magic wand?

[ChrisM]

Oh. Is that what this is? Dang. I was wondering why the weather patterns outside were going nuts.



Will the magic wand allow me to divide by 0?

[Synamon]

No, only a magic 8 ball will allow you to divide by 0.

If we are 80% water why can't we live on water alone?

[Elfrun]

It's a conspiracy, out internal water is drawing us to external water


Why do we need to sleep?

[Moriarty]

It's a conspiracy, out internal water is drawing us to external water


Why do we need to sleep?

We don't actually need to sleep, but cats need us to sleep so they can do that...you know...thing in our ears.

Why do cats like to do that...thing?

[bladeserver]

We don't actually need to sleep, but cats need us to sleep so they can do that...you know...thing in our ears.

Why do cats like to do that...thing?
Thats obvious my dear Moriarty. They like to imitate pigeons, always have and always will. Hence the well know propensity for there to be a cat amongst the pigeons.

Why do we have only two eyes?

[Synamon]

That question was fully answered in the "Do INTJ's have 2 eyes" thread. Because we are INTJ's seemed to be the consensus.

Why is there a margin of error on polls?

[bladeserver]

That question was fully answered in the "Do INTJ's have 2 eyes" thread. Because we are INTJ's seemed to be the consensus.

Why is there a margin of error on polls?
Because poll clippers are notoriously inexact but, as any farmer will tell you, its the polling thats important and not the size of the poll.

What is the downside of converting to a totally underwater existence?

[Synamon]

The downside of a totally underwater existence is overcrowding. Everyone is always saying there are more fish in the sea and it's true, all those fish take up space you know.

Why does size matter?

[bladeserver]

The downside of a totally underwater existence is overcrowding. Everyone is always saying there are more fish in the sea and it's true, all those fish take up space you know.

Why does size matter?
Size matters immensely if, like me, you are auditioning for those elusive midget roles in Hollywood.

Why are hen's teeth rare?

[Motor Jax]

they are usually buckteeth from Arkansas... actually, they're referred to as bucktooth since they usually only have one tooth...

why is it rainy looking weather today, yet has not rained yet?

[Synamon]

What you are seeing is the mirage of rain, like an oasis in the desert. Those clouds are all in your mind. Splat, plop, plop, or not and it's raining now.

To be or not to be, that is the question.

[curiousjane]

To be. (:)) For to not to be would be the best, but to be would be the worst, therefore it must indeed be the wrong answer.

Why are goldfish still goldfish, even when they're white fish or red fish?

[ChrisM]

In the 1600's, goldfish were very valued pets, and were commonly traded for goods in the place of gold. Hence..


Why do I strive?

[Synamon]

You strive because you are hungry. Simple as that. Go eat some cheese or something. Then your strife will be eliminated.

Why do clouds appear as soon as I go outside with my book to sit in the sun, every single damned time.

[ssrprotege]

The Sun rather prefers not to directly observe you, and clouds are an effective silhouette.

Why do I not want to leave my bed?

[Synamon]

Because it's my bed, now get out, and take my robe off too ;)

Why are you in my bed?

[ssrprotege]

I was never in your bed.

Why do you fabricate the truth?

[RWZero]

Because it probably isn't the truth, if I fabricated it. So I have to keep trying until I get it right.

Why did I just spend more than 5 minutes thinking about what to write here, when it's clearly inconsequential?

[Elfrun]

Because you have been sucked into the evil pull that is this thread. It's too late for you now but please warn others.

Why are weeds growing on my driveway? it's concrete for heavens sake!

[Synamon]

Concrete provides all the nutrients required to support plant life. We could feed the whole planet if more people knew this and planted their driveways in corn.

How early is too early to drink on a Monday?

[bladeserver]

Concretus flavoranus, native to Timor, does in fact thrive on concrete. Dig up your driveway and it will wither away.



Yes providing you drink from China or Crystal.



Why do Tuesdays ALWAYS follow Mondays?

[rewhu]

They don’t always. Upon reviewing the case of Wednesday vs Saturday, we can clearly see that Tuesday took it upon itself to jump the weekday order. A grievance was filed, which is still outstanding. The trial began two years ago and is still on going. FYI, you should expect to receive a jury duty notice any day now.

GOOOOOAAAAALLLLLLL!!! Si o No?

[bladeserver]

They don’t always. Upon reviewing the case of Wednesday vs Saturday, we can clearly see that Tuesday took it upon itself to jump the weekday order. A grievance was filed, which is still outstanding. The trial began two years ago and is still on going. FYI, you should expect to receive a jury duty notice any day now.

GOOOOOAAAAALLLLLLL!!! Si o No?
Si unless its England in any crucial game in which case it is disallowed (O.K. This isn't a wrong answer but bitterness seeping out).

Is concrete an effective fuel?

[emanon]

Not on its own, but concrete-grown corn-based ethanol would solve all of our problems.

Am I going to get any work done today?

[rewhu]

Am I going to get any work done today?

Ha!

Er, I mean, yes. You will get all your work done today. By the end of the day you will have completed every single task, ever. Your boss will praise your superior work skills and then immediately fire you, no longer having any need for you or any of your co workers.

Why can't I do that trick where you pretend to separate your thumb and then reattach it? And yes, I do have opposable thumbs (and a prehensile tail).

[bladeserver]

Ha!

Er, I mean, yes. You will get all your work done today. By the end of the day you will have completed every single task, ever. Your boss will praise your superior work skills and then immediately fire you, no longer having any need for you or any of your co workers.

Why can't I do that trick where you pretend to separate your thumb and then reattach it? And yes, I do have opposable thumbs (and a prehensile tail).
Well this isn't so much a wrong answer as a totally cruel answer. I know how and I'm doing it right now - just watch closely ;).

Cats have nine lives. I mean we all know that as a scientific fact. But why?

[curiousjane]

Because your thumb IS detached. You can't hide the bloody mess from the horrified audience.

What did the comma say to the semicolon?

[Moriarty]

Because your thumb IS detached. You can't hide the bloody mess from the horrified audience.

What did the comma say to the semicolon?

"You're so divisive, yet you fear commitment"

How many people can hang onto the moon at the same time?
(According to the local Imam, no more than 3 or 4. True story.)

[rewhu]

bladeserver - Damn you!!

Cats only appear to have nine lives. In fact they are using holographically projected doubles.

Because your thumb IS detached. You can't hide the bloody mess from the horrified audience.

What did the comma say to the semicolon?

"Nice hat."





rewhu added to this post, 0 minutes and 46 seconds later...

Damn, too slow.





rewhu added to this post, 4 minutes and 33 seconds later...

The exact number of people able to hang onto the moon is not known as we are still stacking turtles in an attempt to reach the surface.

Why are my detached thumbs causing me to type so slowly?

[emanon]

Well, it does tend to take a while to type when you have to pause after every word to pick up your thumb between your index and middle finger to press it against the space bar.

What kind of turtles are best used to measure the distance to the moon?

[ChrisM]

An evolved turtle race, the Rigellians (To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 15 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.).


Where do I go from here?

[Synamon]

Nowhere, you are stuck here for eternity.

Is white a colour?

[ChrisM]

Actually, white is color. That's pretty deep.


To care, or not to care... that is the question.

[Synamon]

No it's not, it is 'a' question not 'the' question. Glad I could clear that up for you.


Do I care?

[rewhu]

No, you don't care, which is a shame.

*waggles finger in a you-should-be-ashamed kind of way*

Does anyone remember the show The Letter People? Because I don't.

[emanon]

Was that the soap opera where Mr. Q was dating Ms. X behind the back of her mailman lover Mr. L. A. Minnow? Nope, don't remember it.

Who killed JFK?

[bladeserver]

Was that the soap opera where Mr. Q was dating Ms. X behind the back of her mailman lover Mr. L. A. Minnow? Nope, don't remember it.

Who killed JFK?
The grassy knoll.

How now brown cow?

[Synamon]

Moo. Moo.


Got Milk?

[bladeserver]

Moo. Moo.


Got Milk?
Damn no I'm lactose intolerant.

Why is it always the hedgehogs fault?

[athenian200]

Why is it always the hedgehogs fault?

Because "it" is automatically considered, by law and precedent, to be the fault of any living creature with an IQ of less than 100 that passes over a particular line going northwards. Hedgehogs that live near this line have a tendency to move over it going northward, ignorant of this law, and thus incurring blame. It is presumed that evolution will eventually cause this group of hedgehogs to evolve either a trait that gives them an instinctive aversion to going northwards, or greater intelligence.

Edit: Why are pointing devices used on computers commonly referred to as "mice"?

[ssrprotege]

Athenian200 forgot to post a question, so ssrprotege will kick in.

Why can't I stop yawning?

[bladeserver]

Athenian200 forgot to post a question, so ssrprotege will kick in.

Why can't I stop yawning?
Because , as we know yawning is contagious, and in the 34th minute of the Movie you were watching (Wrestling for the over 70's) there is a famous yawning scene.

Why are pointing devices used on computers commonly referred to as "mice"?

They tried charabanc as their first choice but it just didnt catch on. Mice was the OBVIOUS (Duh) second choice.

Why do we need our appendices?

[Synamon]

So we can make contractions. They modeled the apostrophe after the shape of an appendix you know.

If the plural of mouse is mice why is the plural of moose not also meece?

[bladeserver]

So we can make contractions. They modeled the apostrophe after the shape of an appendix you know.

If the plural of mouse is mice why is the plural of moose not also meece?
It is.

Why is the Dead sea alive?

[rewhu]

Because its relatives, The Caspian and The Adriatic, are fighting over The Dead Sea's will. They're keeping it on life support until the lawyers are done duking it out. The Dead Sea is alive only in the technical sense.

Why do sitcoms have such unrealistic laugh tracks?

[rwyatt365]

All sitcoms are taped in front of famed laugh-track vocalist Jimmy "Hee-Haw" Brudzinski. Jimmy, during a taping of the Dick Ban Dyke Show, unfortunately severely sprained his laugher and has never been the same since. The network studios are trapped in a 100-year contract to use Jimmy's services and can't get out, and so must continue to use his - now unrealistic - laughs for all sitcoms. The contract is up in December, 2162.

Why am I cold?

[bladeserver]

All sitcoms are taped in front of famed laugh-track vocalist Jimmy "Hee-Haw" Brudzinski. Jimmy, during a taping of the Dick Ban Dyke Show, unfortunately severely sprained his laugher and has never been the same since. The network studios are trapped in a 100-year contract to use Jimmy's services and can't get out, and so must continue to use his - now unrealistic - laughs for all sitcoms. The contract is up in December, 2162.

Why am I cold?
Finally an easy one. All INTJ's are cold , unfeeling beasts. Great isn't it :).


When do fish sleep?

[rwyatt365]

Fish sleep on alternate Tuesdays, except carp. Carp always sleep on Friday and Wednesday.

Why is Earl Grey?

[bladeserver]

Fish sleep on alternate Tuesdays, except carp. Carp always sleep on Friday and Wednesday.

Why is Earl Grey?
Actually its more of a yellowish colour. He had, against my best advice, some of Irma's chili.


What would Watt say?

[rewhu]

"Ach! Stop looking up my kilt, you wee buggars."

Why is it that people make wishes when their clocks read 11:11?

[ssrprotege]

Because 11:11 represents the Oneness during the time frame.

Why is there no alternative pronunciation to the word "relativity"?

[emanon]

That's all relative to who says there is no alternative pronunciation. The Obawambi tribe in the mountains of Chili pronounces it tie-die-doe.

Why is my Guide to Commonly Mispronounced Words never handy when I need it?

[bladeserver]

That's all relative to who says there is no alternative pronunciation. The Obawambi tribe in the mountains of Chili pronounces it tie-die-doe.

Why is my Guide to Commonly Mispronounced Words never handy when I need it?
If you remember you used it on that bitingly cold day last November when you ran out of fuel oil. Thats also where your chopsticks went and that little step stool.

Why do we only have one moon? Surely we deserve more?

[Synamon]

You can have as many moons as you like until you get arrested for indecent exposure. Good thing it's summer or you'd have frostbite too.

Why do I always type in thing when I mean think and vice versa?

[bladeserver]

You can have as many moons as you like until you get arrested for indecent exposure. Good thing it's summer or you'd have frostbite too.

Why do I always type in thing when I mean think and vice versa?
For the same reason you type facinating instead of fascinating ;).


Why am I so charming?

[Synamon]

Laughing way too hard to answer this question.





Synamon added to this post, 0 minutes and 51 seconds later...

Ok, I've recovered now, because you are funny.

Why do dogs chase cats?

[rwyatt365]

Dogs chase cats to return the $5 that they borrowed last week, but cats are trying to avoid dogs because they know they'll just want to borrow some more.

Why is it COLD? It's June fer cryin' out loud, and it's 60 freaking degrees outside!!

[rewhu]

Dogs chase cats to return the $5 that they borrowed last week...

Ha!

It's not cold out, it's just you. You are slowly becoming a cold-blooded gila monster.

*jumps over rwyatt's tail*

Watch it.

Why doesn't the Hulk ever rip his pants during transformation?

[rwyatt365]

Because that part shrinks (how else could the rest of him get so BIG?), you should see Bruce Banner in a speedo!

So, why does the Hulk turn green, but the Thing turns orange?

[curiousjane]

I don't know. But orange you glad I tried to answer anyway?

Will today be better than yesterday?

[rewhu]

*vigorously shakes Magic 8 Ball*

Out look not good...

*hurls Magic 8 Ball against the wall*

Why don't the little guys on fooze ball tables ever have facial expressions?

[rwyatt365]

No, but tomorrow (To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 15 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.)will!

Is a bird in the hand REALLY worth two in the bush?


Dammit Spock, late again!

[rewhu]

He's late Jim.





rewhu added to this post, 3 minutes and 11 seconds later...

A bird in the hand is never worth two in the bush. Birds are filthy little creatures. Why would you want one in your hand? Just leave them alone.

Why isn't my communicator wrist watch working?

[Synamon]

Because you forgot to wind it.

What time is it?

[bladeserver]

Because you forgot to wind it.

What time is it?
Time to make the donuts.

What would you say if i sang out of tune?

[Vivid]

Time to make the donuts.

What would you say if i sang out of tune?

I would walk out on you.

Why are bananas red?

[Synamon]

So they will be able to move fast, the consensus is that red is the fastest color, and we all know banana is the fastest fruit. (there is even a thread to back me up on this)

Why do we ask why?

[Wapiti]

We ask why to illustrate the fact that no one cares and that we must rely on the great Orca whale to satisfy the thirst for knowledge. If only we could communicate with them.

Why me?

[Cygnus]

Your magic wand was last seen with Elvis at the local Burger King.

Why is it always in the last place you look?

[Elfrun]

No, but tomorrow (To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 15 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.)will!

:scared:


Your magic wand was last seen with Elvis at the local Burger King.

Why is it always in the last place you look?

Policy was set in 850bc stating that once one findith it one must cease the pursuit, the reprisals for failing to adhere to this ruling were severe, hence tradition states that everything must always be in the last place that you look.



Why can’t hair stop growing when it gets to a suitable length?

[Synamon]

If hair stopped growing when it got to the length you wanted then hairdressers the world over would be thrown out of work, they would be forced to a life of crime and they know how to use scissors. No one wants that.

Why do words you know are spelled correctly look funny sometimes?

[ssrprotege]

Because English is too merciful to the cadavers.

What is so cool about being an android, like Data?

[Synamon]

Nothing, absolutely nothing.

If bacon is made from turkey is it still bacon?

[ChrisM]

Perhaps. The scientific community is actively seeking the answer to this question.

Can Chuck Norris really run fast enough around the earth to punch himself in the back of the head?

[rwyatt365]

Yea, and he's done it several times - enough so that his acting abilities have decreased proportionately.

Will the US follow Atlantis, and sink into the ocean?

[Synamon]

Yes indeed, better start preparing for the inevitable. First step learn to swim, next step grow gills. If you send $24.95 to my P.O. Box I will send you other tips on surviving in my pamphlet "Sinking into the Mire (Looming Crisis of the Next Century)".

Why is it easier to come up with a wrong answer than a new question?

[bladeserver]

Yea, and he's done it several times - enough so that his acting abilities have decreased proportionately.

Will the US follow Atlantis, and sink into the ocean?
Yes Do you know when as I have some choice beachfront property to unload just before we sink?

When we are in the ocean will we need beach clothes?





bladeserver added to this post, 2 minutes and 45 seconds later...

Thwarted by a bloody colonial.

Why is it easier to come up with a wrong answer than a new question?

It isn't. It must just be you ;).

When we are in the ocean will we need beach clothes?

[rwyatt365]

When we are in the ocean will we need beach clothes?
Nope, just ask; To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 15 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.

Where, oh where did my little lamb go?

[Synamon]

Everywhere that Mary went, the lamb was sure to go.

How much is that doggy in the window?

[emanon]

Six pence plus a pocketful of rye

How many blackbirds can you bake into a pie?

[rwyatt365]

While scientific evidence is somewhat conflicting, the best evidence is that 26 blackbirds can safely and reliably be baked into a pie (contrary to the popular notion that only 24 is the proper number). The main differential is the volumetric inefficiency of English pie-stuffers versus their American brethern. Of course, one also has to account for the increasing bird density that has occurred over the past 300 years (due, in part, to global warming) resulting in an increased blackbird flux per square centimeter.

Does anyone actually believe that?

[Synamon]

You had me at blackbird flux.

Why does nothing rhyme with orange?

[Cygnus]

You had me at blackbird flux.

Why does nothing rhyme with orange?
Because orange is not the fastest color.

How come beer is described as having a "golden" taste?

[Elfrun]

Depends on the beer, some wonderful ales have been touched by the Gods and infused with precious metals, others have been touched by unhygienic animals with overloaded bladders.


Why is it over when it's over?

[Synamon]

Because the fat lady has sung.

Why is it called french kissing?

[Cygnus]

It is called French kissing because it orginally included a creamy cheese sauce.

What exactly is "Cool Ranch"?

[bladeserver]

It is called French kissing because it orginally included a creamy cheese sauce.

What exactly is "Cool Ranch"?
Where cool hand luke used to live. Now it's a hotel.

What of it?

[curiousjane]

You talkin' to me? Huh? You talkin' to ME?

Shut up?

[Synamon]

Me? Bwahahahaha shut up? Never.

How are you?

[Cygnus]

How am I? I am here.

What does a Scooby Snack taste like?

[ChrisM]

Constipation.


Did Kobe really jump over an Aston Martin?

[rewhu]

No, but he did jump over the moon and the cow, after which he began a love triangle involving a bread plate and a decorative serving spoon...very torrid stuff.

Why is Minako's phrase in Alternate Word Games tripping me up?

[bladeserver]

No, but he did jump over the moon and the cow, after which he began a love triangle involving a bread plate and a decorative serving spoon...very torrid stuff.

Why is Minako's phrase in Alternate Word Games tripping me up?
The same reason it's tripping me up ;).

Who can help us?

[rewhu]

Dang! Well, I'm glad it's not just me. I have a pretty good response to post too...


Who can help us?


Alex Trebek. But wait, I bet he's not so smart without those damn cards of his. Smug bastard.


Why won't Alex add a jeopardy category called History Schmistory?

[athenian200]

Who can help us?
Fidel Castro.


Why won't Alex add a jeopardy category called History Schmistory?

Because he can't spell History or Schmistory.

What is a cube?

[rewhu]

*Alex Trebek picks up cube and pummels Fidel Castro*

Apparently a cube is a darn good weapon.

*Fidel Castro rolls on ground in obvious pain*


Why did Johnny Cash fall into a ring of fire? Why couldn't he be more careful?

[Cygnus]

You asked two questions and only get the first one answered!

Johnny Cash fell into the ring of fire, because he was being chased by ghost riders in the sky.

What does silence look like?

[rewhu]

You asked two questions and only get the first one answered!


Dang that's harsh!




What does silence look like?


It looks like this

* *

Neat, huh?

[rwyatt365]

It's really kinda messy. Looks like two spiders squashed on the windshield of a VW Beetle (original) going at 23 MPH through the Nevada desert.

Or, is it just me?

[rewhu]

Ha! Great answer even if it was terribly, terribly wrong.

And yes, it is just you. As always, trying to be show-offy.

*tsk*

Perhaps some cookies and milk?

[Elfrun]

Only if you can rub your belly and say ho ho ho without any sexual inuendio


Why is silence so loud?

[rewhu]

Only if you can rub your belly and say ho ho ho without any sexual inuendio

Um...nope. I do not have the skillz or technology to perform such a complex task.

Silence is so loud because Loneliness never lets it get a word in edgewise. If Loneliness would stop cutting Silence off Silence wouldn't need to SCREAM everything it says.

Can Trinity wait just a few more days to find out rewhu's answer to The Name Game?

[bladeserver]

No. Trinity is notoriously impatient and will hunt you down with dire consequences.


Why does my foot hurt?

[Cygnus]

Your foot hurts because the price of postage stamps keeps going up every year.

What does the word nice mean?

[Synamon]

It is the plural of nouse. Now if you are in the US the u is not pronounced and it is a rope you strangle yourself with. In Britian and Canada where the u is pronounced it means useless.


Why are there 100 kinds of faucets to choose from???

[Elfrun]

This dilemea originated with the faucet wars of 1954, competition was fierce and the only way to stay ahead of the game was to reveal a new design, this war has been going on ever since and I think you'll find there are closer to 3370 different designs, this figure is continually revised.



Was Blades last answer actually wrong?

[bladeserver]

Nope. Trinity WILL hunt you...Ummm I mean me...down and disembowel me (or worse).


Why do people like haggis?

[Synamon]

Yes, Blade's answer was wrong since you already know where rewhu lives, so you don't need to hunt him, just aim and pull the trigger.


What should I have for lunch?


grrrrr I'm not having haggis for lunch. People don't like haggis, they eat it to give them an excuse to drink scotch.

[Wapiti]

You should have haggis cause we all know that you are just looking for an excuse to drink your lunch......scotch.

"It" was fantastic, should I do it again?

[bladeserver]

Yes and syn will read while you do "it".


Should I EVER be nice to Synamon?

[Cygnus]

Should you ever be nice to Synamon? See her previously posted definition of nice and *consults the Magic 8 Ball*.."Better not tell you now"

If train A departs the stationing traveling at 100 kph and train B departs a different station traveling at 60 mph, then when would the clothes in the dryer actually become Snuggly soft?

[Pirate1650]

Snuggles the Bear was tried and convicted of being a communist in the mid '50s and since finishing re-education camp he has been against all kinds of public transportation including but not limited to the people's bus, the people's train, the people's subway and the people's hoovercraft ferry. Part of the re-education was attending a local community college science classes in which Snuggles the Bear realized a train could not leave the station at 100 KPH, it would have to accelerate to such a speed. Either way, Snuggles has only been making things snuggly soft in privately owned vehicles, accelerating, instantanius or otherwise.

What is the opposite of chemical inversion?

[Synamon]

That would be chemical subversion, which Snuggles the Bear could tell you all about. His roomie in re-education camp was in for that.

Why do we blink?

[Cygnus]

Why do we blink? The same reason Blink Dogs do.."The blink dog is an intelligent dog, a magical beast from Snuggleland that has a limited teleportation ability known as Blinking. So it has something to do with inverse relationship of static cling and fabric softener dryer sheets"

Is the rain gone?

[Snowdragon]

Yes, the rain is gone. If you want to bring the rain back you must stare into the sun for the entire day.


Dumb question: What happens when you stare into the sun all day long?

[Pirate1650]

The sun blinks very slowly once every day, thus you have won the staring contest!

Why is German potato salad the reward for staring contests?

[Cygnus]

What happens when you stare at the sun? Your wings burn (if feathered) or melt (if wax) it happened in near Crete once to a man named Icarus.

When was the book of love written?

[Synamon]

Hmmm a two-fer.

German potato salad is the reward because it has bacon in it, nothing says reward like bacon.

The kama sutra was written in approximately the 4th century, oh that's the book of lust, close enough.



Why do we have 5 toes on each foot?

[Lestaticon]

Because the other 40 were lost through evolution. I guess we didn't need that many.

Why do we care whether or not the groundhog sees his shadow?

[bladeserver]

Because the other 40 were lost through evolution. I guess we didn't need that many.

Why do we care whether or not the groundhog sees his shadow?
It indicates his girth and we can, by extrapolation, calculate the world food supply. It enables us to look to the future with some hope.

Why is wrestling necessarily fake?

[Elfrun]

Shame on you for being sucked into the Anti-Wrestling Federation's lies. They have been trying to discredit the brave men and women of the sport of wrestling by spreading this hurtful propaganda as it conflicts with their stringent religious beliefs. Wrestling is real.


Why does a fairy die every time someone says they don't believe in them?

[bladeserver]

Shame on you for being sucked into the Anti-Wrestling Federation's lies. They have been trying to discredit the brave men and women of the sport of wrestling by spreading this hurtful propaganda as it conflicts with their stringent religious beliefs. Wrestling is real.


Why does a fairy die every time someone says they don't believe in them?
Wow. That is pretty deep. The answer , however, is simple. All divine beings, without exception, just hate fairies and make up semmingly rational reasons for their elimination. I think Jesus said it best when he said "Look O.K. I'll accept the money changers but not those little purple, winged, pain in the a**es.".

Why am i legally representing a thread who does nothing but disrespect me?

[athenian200]

Why am i legally representing a thread who does nothing but disrespect me?

You're not. That was part of a nightmare that you were a weak-willed person who always did what others wanted you to, no matter how much you were hurt by it.

What is the capital of England?

[Elfrun]

Duh, the E.


Where did that bunny in my front yard come from?

[bladeserver]

The euro of course although nobody in England recognizes this fact.




Th bunny is lost and rabid. It is OK to pet rabid bunnies.


Why does a Thai tickel?

[Synamon]

Because you call your Tickle Me Elmo by the name Thai, after seeing the "Made in Thailand" label on his furry ass.


What is so appealing about stuffed animals?

[bladeserver]

Because you call your Tickle Me Elmo by the name Thai, after seeing the "Made in Thailand" label on his furry ass.


What is so appealing about stuffed animals?
They are the only company I have. Please don't take away mrs. Tibbs, Bluey and fuzzball. I loves em. They keep me sane.

What price happiness?

[Elfrun]

$5.50 by the pint except for 6pm happy hour, then happiness will only cost you $4.


What does a rainbow taste like?

[bladeserver]

Apples and spice and all things nice.

If a tree doesn't fall in a forest does anyone hear it?

[Beery Swine]

Only if it doesn't fall on a cat.

Which political party are you affiliated with?

[Synamon]

The lesser of two evils.

What is the difference between a politician and a prostitute?

[ChrisM]

I rarely go to or get involved in parties. A political one sounds atrocious.

Edit: One of them is good at satisfying demands. Wait..

What's something healthy I could eat for lunch?

[athenian200]

What's something healthy I could eat for lunch?

Cookie Dough Ice Cream.

Who is the president of the United States?

[Pirate1650]

A rock band that likes to sing about peaches, peaches for me!

Why can't things cooked in boiling water taste as good as thing cooked in boiling oil?

[Synamon]

They can if you pickle them first.

How many pickled peppers did Peter Piper pick?

[Wapiti]

2, 1 for me and 1 for you.

Are they sweet or dill?

[bladeserver]

2, 1 for me and 1 for you.

Are they sweet or dill?
They are sweet and i gave them to susie who sells sea shells by the sea shore.

If Rhode island was a country would it still be small?

[athenian200]

If Rhode island was a country would it still be small?

No, it would be bigger than China.

Why didn't the Dvorak layout catch on?

[rwyatt365]

Because people had so much difficulty spelling his name that they all gave up.

Why has it rained every day for the past week, but no more than 30 minutes on any given day?

[Synamon]

It has done this schedule on a trial basis, stay tuned for the next trial of raining 6 hours each on alternate Wednesdays. The final decision on which style of rain will be decided by Nielson ratings during the sweeps in September.

Why do mosquito bites itch?

[Wolfie]

Well, you have to kill the mosquito that's inside of course... After its dead, the body decays, letting off nitrogen which makes it swell and itch even more.
Why does my mom tell me to clean my room?

[rewhu]

Because she cannot stand your slovenly ways. Did you know that you have two ant colonies under your bed? Not ant farms, ant colonies. They've burrowed directly into a massive pile of socks and dustbunnies, and are living off all your discarded pizza crusts.

Why don't you like pizza crust?

[curiousjane]

Because I hate wheat.

How much does it cost to fill a cavity? I've never had one before.

[Wolfie]

It depends. If they drill to the root, then they'll charge you for the cubed root of the amount of decayed tooth they pulled out.
What is the fourth dimension?

[emanon]

Money

What was I thinking disappearing from here for 2 days?

[bladeserver]

Money

What was I thinking disappearing from here for 2 days?
You were abducted by aliens in search of human kidneys. Uhoh.


How many blockbuster movies are in the average Blockbuster store?

[Lupin]

Three, and their all Rocky films.....happy viewing.

What's the difference between a buffalo and a bison?





Lupin added to this post, 5 minutes and 23 seconds later...

Oh God, I can't even spell this morning......it's they're not their......doh

[bladeserver]

Easy. A buffalo has two humps.

What price happiness?

[Elfrun]

*glares at Blade* I'm not even gonna bother answering you cause I already have earlier! Teach you to cut me out!


What was I thinking disappearing from here for 2 days?

*slaps emanon* Don't leave us again kay!


Three, and their all Rocky films.....happy viewing.

What's the difference between a buffalo and a bison?

Technically there is no difference, buffalo just changed their name from bison in a effort to sound less appealing as a food source for humans. Worked for a bit too.


Why must they bother me?

[Lupin]

Easy. A buffalo has two humps.

What price happiness?

No Bladey blade and the lovely Trin, you can't wash your hands in a buffalo!

Ha ha ha, hee, hee......err sorry, I thought that was funny.

[bladeserver]

No Bladey blade and the lovely Trin, you can't wash your hands in a buffalo!

Ha ha ha, hee, hee......err sorry, I thought that was funny.
bloddy hilarious. Does your bison drain or do you have to empty it?

[Lupin]

*Back to plot*

What price happiness? Er well, how about two and six for three pounds of the happy stuff or 5 for two bob in old money. Bargain! Do you want a bag love?

Trinity, 'they' are not bothering you....... You are imagining them.

Why don't men get cellulite?





Lupin added to this post, 0 minutes and 58 seconds later...

Easy. A buffalo has two humps.

What price happiness?

bloddy hilarious. Does your bison drain or do you have to empty it?

Err, this latest model's self-draining. Chose the colour myself, d'you like it?

[Elfrun]

No Bladey blade and the lovely Trin, you can't wash your hands in a buffalo!

Ha ha ha, hee, hee......err sorry, I thought that was funny.

;D

That's terrible

:cry: <--- tears of laughter!

[bladeserver]

*Back to plot*

What price happiness? Er well, how about two and six for three pounds of the happy stuff or 5 for two bob in old money. Bargain! Do you want a bag love?

Trinity, 'they' are not bothering you....... You are imagining them.

Why don't men get cellulite?





Lupin added to this post, 0 minutes and 58 seconds later...





Err, this latest model's self-draining. Chose the colour myself, d'you like it?
*off plot* Naa I hate puce.

*on plot*
Men have rugged genes which prevent the development of cellulite. Sorry It's unfair I know :(.

why are countries pink?

[Lupin]

Because you desperately need to see an optometrist or you've just split your carotted artery while looking at Google Earth.....*nice*

What do you call a deer with no eyes?

[Elfrun]

Whatever you want, he ain't ever gonna find ya!


Why are moths attracted to lights?

[Lupin]

No idea.....

......dare I chuckle?

Moths have kamekazee tendencies.

What do you call a deer with no eyes and no legs?

[bladeserver]

No idea.....

......dare I chuckle?

Moths have kamekazee tendencies.

What do you call a deer with no eyes and no legs?
Still no idea.

Where would you find a duck with no legs?

[Cygnus]

You will find a duck with no legs next to the pink flamigo lawn orienments. There are misplaced and missing parts due the local children vandlizing them.

What is a "water landing"?

[Synamon]

A water landing is when raindrops fall on your head.

How many bison does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

[Elfrun]

None, they sweet talk the buffalo into doing all domestic chores.


Why must everything that goes up come down again?

[ssrprotege]

Because of Q's mischievousness and omnipotence.


Why is yawning contagious?

[ChrisM]

Synamon's A...

Yawns are contagious because of the release of narcissistic pheromones to the atmosphere. In the interests of public safety, please keep yawning from spreading by not opening your mouth, thank you.


What can be done to retrieve the tape recording?

[Malotis]

What can be done to retrieve the tape recording?

The retrieval of the tape recording is only possible after drinking an elixir with the primary ingredients of dragons blood, unicorn hair, the used toothpaste of a famous celebrity and the used toe nail clippings of a virgin.

What is the best way to entice an attractive female to sleep with you?

[Cygnus]

What is the best way to entice an attractive female to sleep with you?

To be myself.

Will the sun come up tomorrow?

[bladeserver]

The retrieval of the tape recording is only possible after drinking an elixir with the primary ingredients of dragons blood, unicorn hair, the used toothpaste of a famous celebrity and the used toe nail clippings of a virgin.

What is the best way to entice an attractive female to sleep with you?
I love the easy questions.

"hey you, over here, bed NOW". Always works for me (almost).


Sigh. Too slow.

Yes.

How low is low?

[Elfrun]

*falls at Blades feet* :stunned: sheesh, that's powerful stuff there boy!


How low is low

Imagine Barry White.... lower then that :thumbsup:


Why do I consistantly feel the urge to drink and post against my better judgement?

[Lupin]

What exactly are 'used' toe nail clippings....is there a burgeoning cottage industry I haven't heard about?

Yep, "the sun will come tomorrow, bet your bottom dollar that tomorrow there'll be sun".....cue for a cheesy song, sung by small curly Shirley Temple lookey-likey in a little red dress.

Will I get an answer from London, I'm running out of time?





Lupin added to this post, 3 minutes and 44 seconds later...

Trinity, drinking while posting can inspire great intellectual thought and text-based offerings. Drink and post....it's a must and thoroughly acceptable if prefaced with...."high, it's Trin here, a bit sloshed and looking for fun".....er then we'll know what to expect.

I'll do it if you'll do it....?

[bladeserver]

What exactly are 'used' toe nail clippings....is there a burgeoning cottage industry I haven't heard about?

Yep, "the sun will come tomorrow, bet your bottom dollar that tomorrow there'll be sun".....cue for a cheesy song, sung by small curly Shirley Temple lookey-likey in a little red dress.

Will I get an answer from London, I'm running out of time?





Lupin added to this post, 3 minutes and 44 seconds later...

Trinity, drinking while posting can inspire great intellectual thought and text-based offerings. Drink and post....it's a must and thoroughly acceptable if prefaced with...."high, it's Trin here, a bit sloshed and looking for fun".....er then we'll know what to expect.

I'll do it if you'll do it....?
You hear back from London. Unfortunately the speaking clock isn't that informative.

Is Colonel Saunders related to General Electric?

[Wapiti]

Is Colonel Saunders related to General Electric?

He was but then decided to drop the U and start frying chicken.

How do you kill a mockingbird?

[emanon]

*slaps emanon* Don't leave us again kay!

Ow!


How do you kill a mockingbird?

Train it to mock a dog whistle. The attempts to reach that pitch will kill it.

(I'd ask something about fried mockingbird, but I've probably been cruel enough for one post so...)


Hey! Where'd my kidney go?

[bladeserver]

Ow!




Train it to mock a dog whistle. The attempts to reach that pitch will kill it.

(I'd ask something about fried mockingbird, but I've probably been cruel enough for one post so...)


Hey! Where'd my kidney go?
I could say aliens took it but that would be so unbelievable.
The dingos got your kidney.

As we identify flying saucers does that make them F.O's?

[emanon]

No, they become IHPs. Identified Hovering Platters.

What does fried mockingbird taste like?

[Wapiti]

It's kinda like a cross between bald eagle and spotted owl. Surprisingly, it doesn't taste like chicken at all.

Why did the aliens abduct the mockingbird?

[emanon]

To use it to lure unsuspecting humans so they could get their kidneys.

Are dingos from another planet?

[rwyatt365]

Yes, and how did you find out? :suspicious:

Well...how DID you find out?

[rewhu]

We found out just like we find out everything else - vulcan mind meld.

Did anyone see and enjoy El Orfanato?

[ssrprotege]

Not really.

What will rwyatt do (or what will happen to him?) once he reaches 100%?

[bladeserver]

Not really.

What will rwyatt do (or what will happen to him?) once he reaches 100%?
I'm not sure but I think you become an enfp.

What about those dumpsters?

[Synamon]

Go Dumpsters Go!!! :shout: (that's one of those oddly named English football teams right? or was it Crumpets? I get them all confused)

Why did Miss Muffett sit on a crumpet?

[Cygnus]

Go Dumpsters Go!!! :shout: (that's one of those oddly named English football teams right? or was it Crumpets? I get them all confused)

Why did Miss Muffett sit on a crumpet?

She wanted to see how much she weighed.

Why isn't Minute Rice ready in a minute?

[emanon]

Because minute is being used as an adjective, so they're actually saying that rice is really, really small.

Have you ever been to Boston in the fall?

[curiousjane]

Yes. Boston-in-the-Fall is a terribly charming Irish town.

Did you ever fall in Boston?

[phantasma]

Yes, off the John Hancock Tower.

Are you experienced?

[Lupin]

That's for me to know and for you to find out ;).

Why don't men wear tights?

[bladeserver]

I do and they look GOOD.

Why elevate a lift?

[rwyatt365]

Because if you bury it, it will just rise again!

(...and in reference to my reaching 100%, I will offer a 2-1 split with the initial offering going to the administrators and moderators, with the remaining shares going to the open market on the opening of the next day's trading on the NYSE.)

So, who's gonna buy shares?

[bladeserver]

Me, me, me. I will soon control 51% of your shares and make you drive a 2CV.

Why purple?

[Lupin]

Me, me, me. I will soon control 51% of your shares and make you drive a 2CV.

Why purple?

Because you've already bought all the yellow ones and we've only got purple left!

Why do stars twinkle?

[bladeserver]

Fairy dust.

Why are all these questions so easy?

[Synamon]

Because you are so incredibly smart. :laugh:

What is cock soup made from?

[bladeserver]

Get your mind out of the gutter. It is made from schock (pronounced cock) which is a Belgian beetroot liquer. Very tasty.

Who said no?

[Lupin]

I did. But I may just succumb at the weekend......I can't resist 'it' much longer.

Why is water see-through?

[athenian200]

Why is water see-through?

Because it's transparent. (That's technically wrong because it's circular reasoning... it doesn't explain it, just restates it.)

Why do people who have IQ's lower than 100 have to be born?

[rewhu]

Because, as Douglas Adams pointed out, if they weren't around who'd sanitize our telephones? Those daft bastards are very necessary.

Why does my staple remover always look so hungry?

[athenian200]

Why does my staple remover always look so hungry?

Because it is. You're lucky it hasn't eaten you yet. If I were you, I'd get rid of it before it changed its mind.

What is gravity?

[rwyatt365]

Gravity exists because most things suck. For the most part, the bigger something is, the more it sucks. That is also the reason why some people stay in destructive relationships, because their partners suck - literally.

Why are tennis shoes, gym shoes and sneakers interchangeable?

[ssrprotege]

It has one common property: they are so light and has so much air in it that if you jump properly, you can fly towards the moon. Just imagine the Capital One advertisement.

Is rejecting ego and accepting pure id equivalent to death?

[Synamon]

Yes, pure id will kill you, it must be cut with some cornstarch like heroin. They you can inject it in your veins.

Why do we have 5 toes?

[emanon]

We would have had only 4 per foot, but while God was making Adam, Jesus was was playing with some spare clay and sneaked the extra toes on.

Why do platypi lay eggs?