View Full Version : I'm So Bored; Please Amuse Me - The Wrong Answer Game
01-02-2010, 10:29 AM
From the aliens who cried us a river as they left, shaking their heads and throwing up their appendages in hopeless frustration and defeat.
Why do we have to work?
01-02-2010, 12:44 PM
because hunting and fishing and camping and football and star gazing and family dinners and hammock naps are so passe
why are strawberries red?
01-02-2010, 08:43 PM
Because they pick themselves and they use strawberry tanning lotion.
How do we grate cheese?
01-02-2010, 08:54 PM
you talk to it endlessly about mundane matters using poor grammar while chewing with your mouth open and ignoring it's plea for you to leave. easily done in a chafing dish.
why do eyes go bloodshot?
01-03-2010, 07:40 PM
Because going crazyshot gets them arrested.
Why does the earth have so much more water on it that the other planets in the solar system?
01-03-2010, 08:01 PM
local tax incentives
how is iron extracted from rock?
01-05-2010, 11:44 PM
The paper covers the rock and the iron sneaks out.
What was the last thing John Lennon said before he died?
01-06-2010, 05:50 AM
"all we are saying, is give peace a cha.... ow-wee ow-wee!"
who discovered the netherlands?
01-06-2010, 06:15 PM
Mother Earth had jock itch.
What's the best way to stop global warming?
01-06-2010, 08:26 PM
we absolutely must go to 3 senators per state.
what type of paper is money printed on?
01-06-2010, 10:52 PM
recycled toilet paper. That's why you shouldn't put your hands in your mouth after handling money.
Where is the best place to hide during an earthquake?
01-06-2010, 10:55 PM
Glass factory, of course! Earthquakes made an agreement with Planet Earth to not break any glass at all ever again, and they always keep their word.
What would we do without the internet?
01-06-2010, 11:03 PM
Spend our time knawing on our own toes.
What did people do before there was fire?
01-06-2010, 11:14 PM
Gnawed their toes off and went into adhesive research.
How was fire discovered?
01-07-2010, 05:32 AM
Earth and Wind had been jamming together since a high school talent show. they discovered Fire playing blues guitar in a club called Sandy Pete's in Gadsden Alabama. little know fact: fire co-produced whitney houston's second album "what's in the pipe?"
why are hockey players often missing several teeth?
01-07-2010, 02:58 PM
Hockey players tape their teeth to their hockey sticks, a good luck tradition going back to the origin of hockey.
Why is it that light cannot escape a black hole?
01-07-2010, 03:59 PM
Because light never enters it to begin with, that's why it's black.
Why do I have strange dreams when I don't feel well?
01-07-2010, 05:08 PM
because i replaced your advil with zanax
what is a tin horn dictator?
01-08-2010, 09:39 AM
It's a nickname for the leader of a marching band.
Who originally came up with the concept of pizza?
01-08-2010, 10:40 AM
The old school roman soldiers. They had the big shields and also used them to carry the bludgeoned remains of its owner back hame after the fights. Hence the red sauce, meat chunks, thin crust and scattered mushrooms.
Why do I only remember things when I don't need to?
01-09-2010, 08:27 PM
RMS: repressed mammary syndrome. you spend so much time thinking about breasts, it impedes normal function. it is only when you are distracted that normal mental function is restored.
what does displacement mean?
01-09-2010, 09:44 PM
The application of a large amount of a rare lotion, brewed by elves that live in the sock drawer
What are the three primary colors?
01-10-2010, 07:28 AM
meat, pasta and cheese. that's why spaghetti is a balanced meal.
how does your light shine in the halls of shambala?
01-11-2010, 11:35 AM
In halls of Shambala, light shines on YOU!
What was Hitler's greatest tactical blunder in World War 2?
01-11-2010, 11:53 AM
He dissed the Viet-Kong.
Why can't we have dark lights, you know, emits darkness rather than light?
01-11-2010, 07:00 PM
because that would put power back into the power gird, reduce electric rates, and by removing the issue, deny a politician a tactical advantage in the next election cycle.
what was happening in the lounge of the Hindenburg befor she went down?
01-11-2010, 07:36 PM
Everyone was smoking mushrooms....
What is a turphucken?
01-11-2010, 07:42 PM
what comes out of john madden after thanksgiving
what america's favorite sport?
01-11-2010, 07:50 PM
What's in your wallet?
01-11-2010, 07:53 PM
Another wallet and inside of that one another wallet.
Why do people kill others over a shiny rock (gold)?
01-11-2010, 08:04 PM
the gravitational density of gold (au) is such that when ever someone is standing directly over it, their brains are sucked out causing instant death and that involuntary eye-twitching thing.
what is pico de gayo?
01-11-2010, 08:05 PM
Peeking in on guys. Why do you want to know Reiven?
Where can I find more shiney rocks?
01-11-2010, 08:12 PM
in your pancreas. they are so valuable, you should go get some of them.
why did the chinese work on the railroad?
01-11-2010, 09:43 PM
cuz someone else was working on the wall.
why is the sun so bright?
01-12-2010, 02:21 AM
The sun has a very bright surface albedo that reflects the light of the surrounding stars.
Why did George W. Bush win a second term in office?
01-12-2010, 07:00 AM
cuz of the skull and crossbones affiliation with ted kennedy and dan rather.
why do girls tend to love their daddies; whilst sons despise ol' dad?
01-12-2010, 09:57 AM
For what reason do we need other people?
01-12-2010, 06:02 PM
Two words: replacement organs.
Why do doctor's get paid so much?
where was the last earthquake?
01-12-2010, 06:29 PM
Haiti say so, but I can't recall... ;)
Why did Bugs Bunny wear drag?
01-12-2010, 06:39 PM
Because he didn't want to strip.
Why is breakfast food good to have for dinner?
01-12-2010, 07:13 PM
saves effort the next morning, you can just re-lick your own face.
where does wintergreen come from?
01-12-2010, 07:16 PM
from rearranging the letters in the german word grewtierin.
Why is German beer so good?
01-12-2010, 07:19 PM
it's strained through teen-aged fraulein lederhosen
how do you cross the alps?
01-12-2010, 07:24 PM
Wearing beer soaked teen-aged fraulein lederhosen while doing the irish jig.
How do they put the tootsie roll center into the middle of a tootsie pop?
01-12-2010, 07:43 PM
they heat the tootsie pop to 682 degrees F, which makes it malleable. then the candy technician wearing candy resistant glovery folds the candy sphere into two equal lobes. then he/she inserts the tootsie roll center (which has been frozen so it doesn't melt when it touches the 682 degree candy lobes). the lobes are then folded around the frozen center, and turned in much the same way a glass blower turns his ware.
press F5 now for directions on wrapping
which way is up?
01-12-2010, 09:14 PM
Follow the water and it shall always lead you up.
Why can't a leopard change her spots?
01-12-2010, 09:16 PM
local ordinance G439-7d
what is Jihad?
01-13-2010, 07:59 AM
A non released Volvo model that didn't perform well in cold climates. Interesting accessory included is the box cutter and flight manuals in the glove box.
What is the numeric signficance of the number 9?
01-13-2010, 09:09 AM
only john and yoko fully understood this answer (To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 15 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.), and since john is gone, i ain't talkin to yoko if i don't have to.
who was pete best?
01-16-2010, 10:40 PM
Some dude who worked at Bob Baker Ford in the used car dept. and ripped me off by conning me into thinking I HAD to trade in my 1970 mustang fastback - I'm still pissed about it!!!!!!!!
Why do some birds migrate and others don't?
01-16-2010, 10:46 PM
Depends on their jobs.
Why do I have to scan all the weirdos?
01-16-2010, 10:47 PM
Because of your avatars.
Why do some people snore?
01-16-2010, 10:49 PM
Why do some people snore?
Because of your avatars.
What is the square root of my boot in my manager's ass?
01-16-2010, 10:53 PM
N/A cuz you got fired. You're supposed to kiss it, stupid! Also could be because of your avatars.
Why does power corrupt?
01-16-2010, 10:58 PM
Because people with power don't get as many boots up their asses as they ought!
Why is it such a long drive home?
01-16-2010, 11:00 PM
Because when you're jobless time moves more slowly. A lot more slowly.
Why does absolute power corrupt absolutely?
01-17-2010, 12:06 AM
Because it is so frilly
What is the chemical content of the average portion of orange juice for an adult male?
01-17-2010, 05:15 AM
1 part high fructose corn syrup, one part fruit pulp, 98 parts vodka.
why is jonny so angry with the higher-ups?
01-17-2010, 08:08 AM
Because of the lack of extracuricular salacious workplace affairs. Why do you think?!
Why are most doctors seemingly incompetent?
01-17-2010, 04:32 PM
university of Bangalore medical degrees
who wrote the book of love?
01-17-2010, 04:49 PM
An imbittered INTJ
Who wrote the Book of Death
A group of angels with nothing better to do.
Why did people invent books?
01-17-2010, 06:23 PM
Well, you see, that's a common misconception, that people invented them. It started a few dozen millennia ago, when an amoeba decided to record the storied and complex mating dance patterns on a piece of xerox paper--for posterity, you see. When we discovered these markings, or writings, if you will, we at first used them for kindling, but later adopted the patterns of the ancient rituals for our own use in communication.
Why can't cats walk on the ceiling?
01-17-2010, 06:35 PM
cats can no longer walk on ceilings due to the evolutionary loss of their air-bladder.
up through about 3700BC, Felecious Sucasa (scientific name for house cat) had an elasticated appendage attached to the lungs that could swell up to 4.5 times the size of the original cat (think blow-fish) and was heated by the increased temp of the upper area of most thatched dwellings, increasing the felecious sucasa's relative atmospheric buoyancy. this buoyancy aided the gripping power of the cats claws allowing for wall climbing and ceiling retention.
where does gravel come from?
I was gonna say
They can. You know how sometimes the cat is missing and you think he/she is hiding under a couch but you still can't find it? Trying looking up next time.
but reiven's is better lol
Gravel comes from graves, hence the root word. When people die, you put gravestones over the buried bodies so that once the body decomposes, the subatomic particles know which elements to mimic and formulate into.
What would happen if plants are mobile and need to have sex (similar to animal sex) in order to reproduce?
01-17-2010, 06:48 PM
there would be a rash of new internet porn fetish sites.
what makes dry erase markers erasable?
01-17-2010, 08:51 PM
Technically, they aren't. It's a clever trick, but when you run the so-called 'eraser' over the board, what's actually happening is that the molecular structure of the white board surface is rearranging itself to bury the infinitesimally-thin layer of marker deep within the board. They say if you stand before a whiteboard at night, hold up a hand mirror to the board and say a certain phrase three times, the secrets of eons past will rise to the surface and be revealed. I've never tried it, but I know someone who did. The knowledge drove him mad, poor sod.
If a wood chuck could chuck wood, would he get splinters in his gums?
01-17-2010, 09:58 PM
the ingestion process is harmless enough because of the orientation of the fibers as they go down the woolly creatures esophagus. the problem is the chemical interaction between the cellulose and the hydrochloric acid in thumper's stomach. under intestinal pressure, the wood splinters calcify and become unsettled, causing the little feller to upchuck. as the calcified splinters are being ejected, the orientation now aligns the splinters with the saliva ducts in his lil gums, causing splinterification.
what happens to unsold buttermilk?
01-17-2010, 10:16 PM
It gets stuck back in the cow to freshen it up a little before the store tries to sell it again.
Why isn't it as fun to roast a marsmallow over the oven heat element as it is a campfire?
01-18-2010, 08:37 PM
Because when you roast marshmallows over the oven heat element rather than a campfire, they explode. Duh. Only the fresh air of the great outdoors has the proper environment for properly-roasted marshmallows. And as to why it's not as fun? No one likes molten marshmallows frying their corneas.
...Well, almost no one.
What happens if you stick two Volkswagen Rabbits in a room together?
01-19-2010, 09:59 AM
VW + VW = WWW So it looks like they start playing on the internet, possibly making their own VW Love porn sites showing how to get the most out of one's Fahrvergnügen.
Why does it suck worse to shovel wet snow than dry powder snow?
01-19-2010, 04:34 PM
depends; is the wet snow a sort-of-off-white, yellowish color?
why did early hominids migrate into frozen places?
01-19-2010, 08:10 PM
For the constant search of year 'round snowcones.
Why is it such a pain to change bank accounts?
01-19-2010, 08:14 PM
because money is printed on special paper derived from elephant hooves, and they remember...oh they remember.
why do other people's dogs bark constantly?
01-19-2010, 08:18 PM
They are trying to tell you how stupid their owner is and asking you, in doggie language, to rescue them.
Why can't bank account numbers be like cell numbers...just take them with you when you go?
01-19-2010, 08:22 PM
because you'd have those overdraft notices texted to you constantly
why didn't jefferson want a central bank?
01-19-2010, 08:36 PM
Cause it would be too much competition for the intelligence agency to get their spot.
How do welders weld under water?
01-19-2010, 08:38 PM
with electric eels
what is at the center of the earth?
01-20-2010, 11:59 AM
how do you blow your bubbles?
01-20-2010, 02:01 PM
Well, you swallow a half-pound of bubble gum, then eat a whole can of beans and wait...
How do you take your coffee?
01-20-2010, 02:12 PM
orally, unlike janet jackson (To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 15 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.)
where is juan valdez now?
01-20-2010, 04:28 PM
Working for your caontractor.
What color was a green card before it was a green card?
01-21-2010, 07:14 AM
it was originally called an invisible card, because there was a time when 'illegal alien' meant a law was being broken and they had to hide; now green card means 'go' for it, benefits included.
why do people ask the government to make their decisions for them?
01-21-2010, 11:06 AM
Because some people are at least smart enough to know that they are stupid and should have their decisions made by someone else. Unfortunately, they aren't smart enough to know that government contains the collective stupidity of the whole nation housed under one big dome.
why do the wealthy get all the perks and free swag?
01-21-2010, 11:14 PM
Because they trade their kids, spouses and lives to get it. Duh!!
Why do pigs fly?
01-22-2010, 01:12 PM
Because they have healthy, irony-based senses of humor.
Why are puddles so wet?
01-22-2010, 01:23 PM
Puddles are made from poddles, squished poddles. Since poddles are kind of wet inside, it only makes sense that their juice would be wet as well. Just don't ask why the puddles are not red.
Why do managers think they know all the answers?
01-22-2010, 06:05 PM
They lied to their-selves so hard that it became reality. But it only works on them :D
Why am I so annoyed with everyone?
01-22-2010, 07:06 PM
you see the rampant misanthropy; mans inhumanity to man, flaws inherent in the system
or someone got your close to the door spot at chilies
why do therapists charge by the hour?
01-22-2010, 08:36 PM
They really don't want to spend the whole day with you.
What would one call a testicular bra?
01-22-2010, 10:09 PM
What is a pitman arm?
01-23-2010, 12:11 AM
The arm that 'old man Pitman' lost in the Revolutionary War. Rumor has that someone found it and had it bronzed. It hangs over the mantle of one of George Washington's decendants.
Why do circle cutting jigs never work?
01-23-2010, 12:16 AM
Because the Illuminati are secretly jamming them up with their HAARP ion laser rays so that we won't have the proper tools to fight off the Nephilim aliens when they arrive from the planet Nibiru.
If the #2 Pencil is so popular, why is it still #2?
01-23-2010, 06:58 AM
it is due to the archival ranking for the #1.
the prototype for the #1 pencil was a sliver of charcoal wrapped in masking tape.
the arrival of a wood-clad vein of graphite (good ol' #1) was one of the most amazing invention ever, and is recognized by the ceremonial 'retiring of the jersey' for #1 status.
what is the most uniquely original contribution of mankind?
01-23-2010, 07:49 AM
White trash and gangsta.
Where's the best place to keep a sawed of shotgun?
01-23-2010, 07:51 AM
surgically implanted from the right forearm to the wrist
where do dogs go when they die?
01-23-2010, 07:55 AM
In the sausage grinders at Hormel Co.
What breed of dog would be the best to snif out beer?
01-23-2010, 03:10 PM
the bloodweiser hound (german extraction)
why do we feel like crap after an evening of over drinking?
01-23-2010, 06:06 PM
Everyone's life has a set amount of pain they must endure. That said, the fun times you had drinking off set the amount of pain momentarily and the crap the next day is to make up for it (the fun).
I wish I could have the wasted 3 hours of my life this morning back!
01-23-2010, 06:38 PM
I wish I could have the wasted 3 hours of my life this morning back!
this is because there is an S&H greenstamp value for each minute of the day. if three hours could be re-couped, the net value would approximately equal a hamilton beach scovill upright blender.
why do people collect antiques?
01-23-2010, 11:06 PM
Because it's cute to watch ants pretend they have iques.
Why do hard drives crash?
01-23-2010, 11:15 PM
They're too heavy to float
Whay is a compressor ram?
01-23-2010, 11:43 PM
The compressor ram is a rare animal related to both the mountain goat and the operating system Windows XP. Its super-strong horns have the power to compress anything they touch into a 1-inch by 1-inch by 1-inch cube.
Who would win in a fight, pirates or ninjas?
01-23-2010, 11:46 PM
The dog catcher because he has the big net thingy
What is a throttle body?
01-23-2010, 11:50 PM
The throttle body was invented by the inventor Butt Buttlington by accident. It is a metal suit that gives you super-powers, but as a result the only way for its wearer to move around is to crash through random objects.
If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?
01-24-2010, 12:37 AM
Barbie specifically asked that we buy her friends so that she wouldn't feel guilty about treating them like plastic shit.
Why is a sleep schedule important?
01-24-2010, 02:20 AM
It really isn't. It is only imortant to sleep when you get tired.
Why is doing the dishes so boring?
01-24-2010, 09:45 AM
because they're so predictable, and they just lay there.
what is qwerty?
01-24-2010, 10:22 AM
Qwerty is a keyboard layout named for the first six letters in the upper-left corner, which spell out "QWERTY." It was different from other keyboard patters because it didn't put the letters in alphabetical order.
Why did I pick such a stupid username?
01-24-2010, 11:09 AM
Because you were probably thinking you were so clever ehile being drunk off your ass.
Buyers remorse! Why do the stupid power tool assesories never work and why do I forget that fact, buy one and have it not do what I envisioned it to do?
01-24-2010, 12:25 PM
because you're a slow learner.
what is the relevance of 32' per second per second?
01-24-2010, 01:12 PM
No matter what you call it, 3 1/2 inches is still 3 1/2 inches.
What is the best girlscout cookie?
01-24-2010, 01:19 PM
No matter what you call it, 3 1/2 inches is still 3 1/2 inches.
this is why women have such a hard time with tape measures.
the men in their lives have so totally lied about what 8" looks like
What is the best girlscout cookie?
what is the primary ingredient in fish food?
01-24-2010, 01:54 PM
People with concrete shoes.
How many times has the same question been asked in this thread?
01-24-2010, 03:25 PM
The same amount of time you look down expecting to see breasts every day :]
Why are people so annoying complex and simple synchronously?
01-24-2010, 09:26 PM
Hidden agendas! Both the reason people are so complex and simple at the same time. Simple to understand that everyone has one, complex to know what it is.
Why is the Baccardi Red Dragon liquor so good?
01-24-2010, 10:31 PM
Because it is distilled from the essence of the now-extinct animal, crimsonous draconous, which was an animal so delicious it was hunted to extinction by the beginning of the eighteenth century. Rumor has it that a miniature ice age in the medieval ages cryogenically froze and preserved a few of the tasty critters, and the Bacardi company was fortunate enough to win them in an auction, thus their existence is delicious liquor today.
Could I add flavored syrup to Mount Everest to make the biggest snowcone ever?
01-26-2010, 06:18 PM
No. It is too lumpy to be a snowcone, but you could top it with a cherry and have a sunday.
Where is the party on 22 Dec 2012?
01-26-2010, 06:43 PM
You daft man, Party on Dec 21 2012.....My Place. I assign you to bring the booze and I will bring the life preserving devices.
How many people should we plan to save?
01-26-2010, 06:48 PM
Don't you think it should be on the 22nd? Less people to drink the spiced rum..
Do we want it pot luck or catered?
01-26-2010, 06:53 PM
Good point. We could get all the good seats to watch all the chaos and destruction without having to wade through it to get to my place though. Catered if on the 21st. I thonk the places of buisness will be over charging on the 22nd. Supply and demand thing you know.
How clean would the Earth be when it gets cleansed?
01-26-2010, 06:56 PM
Depends on who cleans it and what they use. An enima would be rather effective, but a bit messy.
Who will win the Super Bowl?
01-26-2010, 07:05 PM
The budweiser commercials.
Why is coffee so good.
01-26-2010, 07:08 PM
Its the water.
Do groundhogs celebrate ground hog day?
01-26-2010, 07:12 PM
Only on the actual day, Feb 30th. The 2nd is just the observance. The groundhogs are quite orthodox.
Do angles really get wings when a bell rings?
01-26-2010, 07:22 PM
In the past they did, but there are to many bells going off all over the place, so they get their wings now when a hamster falls off his exercise wheel...
Is there really a Blue Bird of Paradise?
01-26-2010, 07:27 PM
No, it was all a myth made up by the young Catholic church to give people false hope to place their faith. It is really called the black bird of purgatory.
Where did the saying Ts and Bs come from to refer to a person's happiness?
01-26-2010, 07:30 PM
T is for tits...what you see as the happy person runs TOWARD you
B is for butt....what you see as the unhappy person runs AWAY from you
What does "Not on my watch" mean?
01-26-2010, 07:39 PM
Refers to shit. No one wants it on their watch. Hard to tell time through the smears. Always better on someone else's watch. Also sheds light on the phrase 'half past your ass' when you ask someone for the time. Their watch has alredy been smeared.
If coffee was green, would people still want it black?
01-26-2010, 08:47 PM
No, they would want it with dark glasses.
Why do dogs case their tail?
01-27-2010, 05:17 AM
they're lazier than men who chase other's tails
why does the sky show colors at sunrise?
To suprise the eyes from the slumber of sleep's demise.
What is your favorite itch to scratch?
01-27-2010, 01:15 PM
the dorsal lobes of my liver.
what is quantum mechanics?
01-27-2010, 03:09 PM
Everything you'll never know.
Who would win in a fight, Reiven oder aok?
01-27-2010, 03:11 PM
Everything you'll never know.
Who would win in a fight, Reiven oder aok?
Whomever watched the Fruity Oaty Bar commercial (To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 15 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.) first.
How do I end this thread?
01-27-2010, 03:25 PM
You don't, you aren't even real you figment of my imagination.
What was the most notable proclamation of 1999 from you?
01-27-2010, 03:27 PM
Run away real fast like....
What is TIG welding?
01-27-2010, 03:32 PM
[QUOTE=ErikNikolai;902147]Whomever watched the Fruity Oaty Bar commercial (To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 15 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.) first.
tig welding fuses new animals together on the island of Dr Moreau using big catgut spun from a spool
what is a barnacle?
01-27-2010, 03:34 PM
An aphid that lives in your brain.
How many search results are there on google for your username?
01-27-2010, 03:37 PM
where does the mass from a rotten banana end up?
01-27-2010, 03:38 PM
In your mouth; stop eating those!
What is the best answer to the worst question?
01-27-2010, 03:46 PM
i did not have sex with that woman.
what is the best vacation idea ever?
01-27-2010, 04:01 PM
i did not have sex with that woman.
01-27-2010, 04:02 PM
The vacation into your mind. Just bring all of your political enemies and invite them in. They wouldn't last a minute. Fun to watch ;]
What was absolute zero not developed by the greeks?
01-27-2010, 04:18 PM
it was. they left it lying around the forum when the saracens visited...
what is the biggest tourist attraction in the world?
01-27-2010, 05:13 PM
The hair ball museum in Crawford, Texas
What does SUV stand for?
01-27-2010, 09:26 PM
Snooty Upitty Vixen.....They all drive one too.
Why does it take a H2 to give the kids a ride to school from a block away?
01-27-2010, 10:44 PM
Because the kids aren't tall enough to get into the F-16
What is a TPS?
01-27-2010, 10:55 PM
Triphospholene sythenate. Used to energize and, in some cases, electrify testicles. Just rub it on and away it goes. Oh, what's this on the warning......Only use class 4 extinguisher if product ignites. Cool!
Where can I get a bunk of mesquite?
01-27-2010, 11:03 PM
Top shelf, next to the tumble bees.
What is the secret ingrediant in fry sause?
(spelling is off due to ingestion of narcotics)
01-28-2010, 06:00 AM
*loves the freebase spelling*
captain charles fry's artillery company was not so well know for their ordnance accuracy, more so for their fine virginia messes. both days of the battle of gettysburg at/around noon, reb and yank stopped shooting long enough to form ranks once they smelled the food cooking. there was much fraternization as the men waited in line for their food. Once all had eaten and the dishes were cleaned and stowed, the battle recommenced.
what was the secret of fry's saucy food? those who survived the battle never told.
from where do we get plastic?
01-28-2010, 06:12 AM
How does a telephone work?
01-28-2010, 06:19 AM
due to Right To Work laws, it is against federal guidelines to discuss the aptitude of anything regulated by the federal government. (i can tell you it is rumored that telephones have the same work ethic as pre-gorbachev russia; 'we pretend to work and they pretend to pay us')
where is uranus?
01-28-2010, 06:23 AM
Are you lost or is it? Consult your palm... the lifeline knows all.
Where does glass come from?
01-28-2010, 08:06 AM
It is the sparkling crystalized poop of the gods. Just don't ask where rain comes from.
Where do pussy willows come from?
01-28-2010, 09:38 AM
Your mother's garden ;]
What is the key to success?
01-28-2010, 04:40 PM
how did dinosaurs become ostriches?
01-28-2010, 04:46 PM
The Royal Birdification Decree of Way Way Back.
What's nail polish made from?
01-28-2010, 06:28 PM
The snot of a rare South American slug.
What time is it on Mars?
01-28-2010, 08:42 PM
it's party time
To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 15 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
what is naugahyde?
01-28-2010, 09:55 PM
Preserved nouget in candy bars.
Why do spiders have 8 legs?
01-28-2010, 11:12 PM
Same reason V8 have 8 cylinders....more stroking
Why do people watch 'reality' shows?
01-29-2010, 12:14 AM
Because real estate is a hot topic right now.
Why don't people grow their own food?
01-29-2010, 12:17 AM
Because its hard to find McSeeds....
Who is buried in Grants Tomb?
01-29-2010, 06:53 AM
William Tecumseh Sherman died six years after Grant. Two years after that, on june 7, 1893, both bodies were exhumed, Sherman was dressed as a harlot and 'positioned' on top of the good general before resuming both bodies to grant's tomb.
june 7 is now a celebrated holiday in atlanta.
what is a blunderbuss?
01-29-2010, 07:32 AM
A bus that turns the wrong way...
What is Flak?
01-29-2010, 07:54 AM
To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 15 or greater. You currently have 0 posts. (To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 15 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.)That is flak ;]
What is the purpose of posting a post it?
01-29-2010, 08:02 AM
To make a left turn.
What are computers used for?
01-29-2010, 08:51 AM
Computers suck the mind and soul from a person. Just look at your own glazed over eyes next time you are using one.
How are dingleberries made?
01-29-2010, 08:57 AM
ancient chinese secret.
what is the shortest distance between two points?
01-29-2010, 09:01 AM
What do chickens think chicken tastes like?
01-29-2010, 09:03 AM
Well it's obvious they think its a Duck or a Pig or A turkey. :)
Question why all intj act like Malkavians ???
01-29-2010, 09:08 AM
who would win in gorilla / bear death match?
01-29-2010, 10:49 AM
Frog....they don't monkey around.
What's better.....Capt. Morgan or Jack Daniels?
01-29-2010, 11:03 AM
why do sharks have so many teeth?
01-29-2010, 02:12 PM
To blow bubbles with.
Who first said, "Fuck a duck"?
01-29-2010, 02:20 PM
The best friend of the first guy who complained (to his buddy) that sheep were too "willful."
Who invented the first condom?
01-29-2010, 03:52 PM
the first condom was a piece of pork intestine tied on one end, and used by Jaques PlusEnfant, father of 12. originally called a 'french letter', it is a disgusting coincidence that PlusEnfant was a mail carrier.
what is in an asthma inhaler?
01-29-2010, 09:10 PM
The symbol of an elite group of people who control the world economic market.
Where is Carmen Sandiego?
01-29-2010, 10:51 PM
Oakland, or maybe Oxnard
What does LCD HD stand for?
01-30-2010, 07:06 AM
Lysergic Cannabis Diethylamide/ Horticulturally Domesticated.
Bathtub hydroponic Psychopharmaeology at it's finest
why do people get high?
01-30-2010, 08:59 AM
To fly like butterflies in the sky! ~Reading Rainbow
What is the best colour?
01-30-2010, 08:59 AM
Fast little shit Liason.... The best colour is Red because it is the same color that people bleed and of sunsets.
Why do some women think having plumber's crack is attractive?
01-30-2010, 09:11 AM
*winks* quicker than a cheetah on hayrise.
Some women are really men ;D
What is the most disturbing fact?
01-30-2010, 09:56 AM
That men pretending to be women still show plumber crack.
Why do people ask what I am doing when it is blatantly obvious?
01-30-2010, 10:24 AM
Because they are flirting badly.
What is the worst answer?
01-30-2010, 10:26 AM
Let me see.
How do they get caffiene out of the coffee bean?
01-30-2010, 10:36 AM
cut off one end and shake vigorously.
what is snow?
crystallized frosted flakes of methamphetamine
what is money?
01-30-2010, 10:55 AM
the precursor to crystallized frosted flakes of methamphetamine
where are the authorities when you need them?
01-30-2010, 11:16 AM
Nowhere to be found until you don't want them around then they are crawling up your ass.
How many athorities can fit in a rectum?
01-30-2010, 11:20 AM
can the 'umbrella parachute' work from a 2nd story home?
01-30-2010, 10:27 PM
Only if you count to three before opening it after you jump. *grumbles* restoration-hypnotherapy huh
How many hypno therapists can convince Reiven to put some clothes on?
01-31-2010, 01:09 AM
Let me see.
Is jonnyB lounging around at a mall in Santa Barbara?
01-31-2010, 05:24 AM
no. he is waiting for the fry cook to bring his salt-free french fries out from a white castle.
how does heat change compounds?
01-31-2010, 07:10 AM
By turning the channel
What is B40?
01-31-2010, 08:48 AM
What the B52s called themselves before they were the B52s.
How's the best way to cut aluminum siding?
01-31-2010, 10:57 AM
With your face : ]
What is the worst way to cut aluminum siding?
01-31-2010, 02:46 PM
Boston, Mass at 4:24 pm
why do you play?
01-31-2010, 03:01 PM
How's the best way to find spare change?
01-31-2010, 03:08 PM
what is the best sled made from?
01-31-2010, 03:19 PM
Using Reiven as a skelton is the best idea I can come up with.
What's the best poker hand?
01-31-2010, 03:23 PM
two oranges, two cigarette lighters and a piece of belly button lint.
what is the core ingredient on Noxzema
01-31-2010, 03:52 PM
Strychnine, rub it on your skin or you'll get the hose again.
Where is the best place to get a thread gauge?
01-31-2010, 03:57 PM
8996 kennedy drive
Des Plaines IL
why did meriwether lewis cross the continent?
01-31-2010, 03:59 PM
Not smart enough to take a boat to go around.
What color of light does that apartment have on its front poarch?
01-31-2010, 04:04 PM
those idiotic curly compact florescent eco bulbs
with a red tint
what is the density of tapioca?
01-31-2010, 04:09 PM
It is unmeasurable as Tapioca is not originally from our dimension. Through some freak experiment gone wrong, we accessed tapioca from its native alternate universe and brought it into ours. Now we can't get rid of it.
Why does everyone seem to get sick and hurt at the same time?
01-31-2010, 04:19 PM
think global coinciding menstruation
where do marshmallows come from?
01-31-2010, 04:20 PM
the easter bunny
Who came up with the color blue?
02-01-2010, 06:47 AM
Where did birds originate?
02-01-2010, 06:53 AM
Why is there pink?
02-01-2010, 07:20 AM
The First Council of Nicaea in the fourth century met to clarify several things; chiefly geometric definitions and color variants. the resulting creed dictates the distinctions of polygonmy, and appropriate feasts in honor of the primary colors.
it was Eusebius of Caesarea who declared RED to be a harsh and provocative hue, and suggest a variant be derived for domestic use and as a potential export; thus was PINK introduced. it was an immediate hit with the vulgar'd commoners, but the expected export revenues never materialised.
why were scrolls rolled?
02-01-2010, 10:58 AM
People hadn't invented folding.
Why is it so time consuming to go to school?
02-01-2010, 05:03 PM
Because its less filling
Do you line dance?
02-01-2010, 07:17 PM
Only if it's over the lines I'm not supposed to cross.
Why are water slides so slick?
02-01-2010, 07:21 PM
oil based lubricants
what is a geisha?
02-01-2010, 07:25 PM
A sushi roll
What is eel sauce made of?
02-01-2010, 07:27 PM
garlic, onions, tomato paste and finely powdered limestone.
what made disco sooo good?
02-01-2010, 07:47 PM
Why is pizza so good?
02-01-2010, 07:53 PM
why does everyone want my money?
02-01-2010, 09:33 PM
Because it has your scent. *holds out hand* How's 'bout a sweet smelling twenty there Reiv.
Why do people obviously screw up and then try to shift the blame to me?
02-02-2010, 05:49 AM
what does belly button lint taste like?
02-02-2010, 07:42 AM
Probably ass crack lint with a little bit of sweetener.
Why do people want the truth to begin with but don't accept it after they hear it?
02-02-2010, 11:09 PM
Because that's what the priest told the rabbi.
What is the difference between cats and dogs?
02-03-2010, 06:37 AM
Drosophila melanogaster is the differentiating genome discovered by Michael R Seringhaus, Department of Molecular Biophysics and Biochemistry @ Yale University. He found the 'trigger' on the lower left side of the genome that allows him to 'switch' an animal from dog to cat and back again.
not much medical benefit- but this discovery is great fun at parties.
what is a manila envelope?
02-03-2010, 10:17 AM
The blanket of fog the covers the Phillippines
What is a Pacific Low?
02-03-2010, 11:25 AM
Hick way of saying 'specific low'. Kinda like how kids say hanguber instead of hamburger.... they just never grow out of it.
Why does almost every upper level degree option not appeal to me?
02-03-2010, 07:59 PM
Because you're not there yet.
What turns rain periodically yellow?
02-03-2010, 11:35 PM
Question should be what turns rain clear periodically.
How come the one armed man get the blame for everything?
02-03-2010, 11:40 PM
He accused himself for nothing.
What's the difference between wall and bridge?
02-03-2010, 11:42 PM
Nothing really, I've driven through both.
Where do managers go to die?
02-03-2010, 11:51 PM
They need not because they manage their own death.
What causes dandruff?
02-03-2010, 11:55 PM
brain cells oozing through the scalp.
When the best time to eat at night?
02-04-2010, 12:01 AM
After 3 TV shows, 16 commercials and 88 eye blinks.
How come the sun and moon don't meet each other?
02-04-2010, 12:06 AM
Because they drink at different bars.
Why don't cats bark?
02-04-2010, 12:09 AM
Because if they do, it would ruin their reputation.
What is the noisiest animal?
02-04-2010, 05:17 AM
3 toed sloth.
what caused the labrea tar pits?
02-04-2010, 06:29 AM
The killing of the dodo bird, their feathers coagulated over many years to form tar in that one centralized location as the winds pushed them in that direction (converging in that one spot).
Why did we domesticate cats?
02-04-2010, 06:48 AM
Because if we didn't, cats would have destroyed humankind 2010 years ago.
How is the universe shaped?
02-04-2010, 03:55 PM
feel free to believe any of the following:
A) with tender loving kindness
B) like a conch shell
C) With a melon ball scoop
do ants have personalities?
02-04-2010, 04:56 PM
Yes and no. All ants are robots created by their queen, and they will mass-produce themselves and eventually take over the world with their superior numbers and impose their communistic regime on us. Not even the fish will be safe.
What's the most dangerous animal in the world?
02-04-2010, 06:28 PM
it's the ant :p
where do elephants go to die?
02-04-2010, 10:04 PM
wild animal park, cuz they attack the trainers and..well...the end.
what's the best way to spend Saturday?
02-05-2010, 12:36 AM
The best way to spend Saturday is to trade in that worthless old piece of junk and grab a shiny new Sunday. Besides, the Sunday has light-up cup holders.
If we weren't supposed to eat animals, then why were they made out of meat? And why do they taste so damn good?
02-05-2010, 10:20 PM
Because if they are not meat, you probably eaten your fingers right now.
Why does the structure of human body is so complex?
02-06-2010, 06:55 AM
so the dolphins don't try to make a knock-off human model of their own
what is the concept behind algebra?
02-07-2010, 09:10 AM
To keep teenagers occupied.
How far is a long mile?
02-07-2010, 10:34 AM
Longer than 5 minutes
What's the meaning with life?
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