View Full Version : I'm So Bored; Please Amuse Me - The Wrong Answer Game
09-24-2009, 09:57 PM
They really do. The delivering Dr suts them off at birth and hangs them on his trophy wall at home.
What's so cool about having a car that rides 1/2 inch off the ground?
09-24-2009, 11:09 PM
Why are we made of water?
09-25-2009, 12:51 AM
Better than lead.
Why should I have to work?
To get laid.
Why should you have to prey?
09-25-2009, 09:44 PM
Also, to get laid.
Why do people who make the rules find it so difficult to follow thier rules?
Rules change to accommodate ruler unless overruled.
Does a king determine measurement?
09-25-2009, 10:05 PM
Yes. All measurements are determined by the current King's dimensions (size of feet, size of weiner, circumference of head, etc.)
Why does Football mean something different in the US than it does in the rest of the known world?
09-25-2009, 10:07 PM
Doesn't mean much at all to the people on Mars.
Where does the moon go on the new moon phase?
09-25-2009, 11:56 PM
to Santa's repair shop...hey, he's gotta do something to keep those elves busy during the rest of the year, union rules
How do you know when you've gone too far?
When you haven't moved.
How do you know what you know isn't false?
09-26-2009, 04:32 PM
At the same time you know you just don't want to think about it anymore.
Why do people want constant changes in scenery?
09-26-2009, 05:36 PM
They're just wannabe professional photographers.
Why do new towels SUCK at drying?
09-26-2009, 06:43 PM
They got to get broke in ya know. Just like a matress.
How come airplanes can fly upside-down?
09-26-2009, 11:56 PM
because reality is a tool to be shaped by the gremlins who dance in the clouds
What is the definition of gargantuan?
09-27-2009, 01:00 AM
An interbreeding between Geroge, Antonio and Juan....Very bad condition.
Why is the 'p' silent in swimming pool?
09-27-2009, 01:45 AM
because it was "pulled" in the water and drowned
although its spirit lives within its spelling
why is water tastes like water?
09-27-2009, 01:50 AM
Kind the same reason chicken tastes like everything else.
Why can I order a dollar hamburger but not dollar french fries?
09-27-2009, 01:58 AM
it is not listed on the menu.
How can we hear silence?
09-27-2009, 02:01 AM
The same way we can hear mothers calling us when we don't want to do something.
Why do ugly guys get all the hot girls?
09-27-2009, 02:09 AM
the same as when the ugly girls get the hot guys
Why can't I see my eyes?
09-27-2009, 02:13 AM
You're invisible from the other thread still.......
Which chainsaw would be better to use for Halloween?
09-27-2009, 04:26 AM
the one which has printed "dangerous" and "fatal"
Where can I find a smokeless lighted cigar?
In a puddle of water.
Where can you find Bob Seger?
09-27-2009, 10:19 PM
Locked up on the 5th level of security isolation at the central CDC office.
How do they make these cool cookies into the shape of a ghost?
By eating cookies and breathing their vapor out in freezing weather.
How do you differentiate between a sausage and a hot dog?
09-28-2009, 10:32 AM
One squirts, the other doesn't.
How can I illicit a control condition in a micro bound cold fusion environment?
Catch a boson and give it Higgups.
What's your preferred method for skinning cats?
09-28-2009, 12:07 PM
Scare the cat out of skin meathod. It also renders the fur pure white and allows the cat 8 more lives....It is also an endorsed method by the People for Cats foundation too.
Where would you be if you were already there?
Taking tesseracting classes.
The bull tills for [blank]
09-28-2009, 12:43 PM
What's on fire?
The second baseman.
14 trillion trillion trillion stars; what will be the first message we receive?
09-28-2009, 01:13 PM
Certainly not my motivation.
If everything you needed to do were done, what would there be left for you to do?
Everything everyone else fucked up, including [wracking cough~] God.
What body part would you -not- allow to become machine?
09-28-2009, 09:24 PM
The assimilation of rust doth corrupt the mechanical anatomy.
Where can I find the original Necronomicom?
09-28-2009, 09:28 PM
In the bottle of wine.
How can you tell if your pet wants to eat?
09-28-2009, 09:42 PM
You start missing a few dangling appendages.
What did you want with that anyways?
09-29-2009, 06:42 AM
my money for nothin' and my chicks for free
09-29-2009, 01:50 PM
The guy who 'rings' Santa's sleigh 'bell'.
what's the difference between isotonic and isometric?
09-29-2009, 02:39 PM
Isometric's the evil twin, of course.
What's so great about the metric system, anyway?
09-29-2009, 04:25 PM
It is one step closer to everyone being physically assimilated into one great concept.
How many inches of snow equal 1 inch of rain?
09-30-2009, 07:41 AM
What is the current temperature in the leg of Atom Ant?
09-30-2009, 08:28 AM
A lot warmer than a witch's teat.
What is there in life worth more than Gary Coleman?
Who's Charles in charge of?
09-30-2009, 10:06 PM
Who thunk up the whole ball of wax anyhows?
09-30-2009, 10:21 PM
the dung beetles that roll the balls of dung around. The scarabs.
what purpose does dancing on someone's grave serve?
09-30-2009, 10:24 PM
It packs the dirt tighter so they can't get out.
How do the Elders in the voodoo belief system exchange their soul with someone younger?
09-30-2009, 10:35 PM
that's a redundant question because once they swapped they would no longer be the elder and they'd have to do it again. but the way they do it is by both drinking a can of pepsi max whilst chained to the bike rack out the front of the local Icecream shop.
Why do people need to micromanage everything?
09-30-2009, 11:19 PM
To make sure no germs get to places they ought not be.
Where is lady luck sleeping tonight?
09-30-2009, 11:40 PM
On your weenis.
Do you "got" the feeling that tonight's really gonna to be a good night? or is that terrible song just full of shit?
10-01-2009, 09:05 AM
Tomorrow day is gonna be a mediocre one.
Why don't you create a mood forecast apparatus that can semi-accurately predict peoples moods like a 5 or 7 day forecast?
10-01-2009, 09:09 AM
because of the observer effect. If we could accurately predict the future the future would change. Plus I don't own an arc welder.
why don't you own an arc welder?
10-01-2009, 09:11 AM
it's illegal to in my state
What are teddy bears stuffed with?
10-01-2009, 09:55 AM
Worms, snails, and puppy dog tails
What would the forementioned ratio be?
10-01-2009, 10:00 AM
Depends on several factors. Is it a girl or boy bear? What color is it? Has it accepted Jesus in it's heart?
Why is Bumblebee a Camaro and not a Mustang?
10-01-2009, 10:13 AM
It's all based on a slight difference in interpretation of the bible, and a very radical difference in the doctrine. Camaro's believe in style before speed whereas Mustangs believe in speed and style simultaneously.
(Proud Pomy Mama. Have to post pics of my Pony sometime...)
Why are they called "muscle" cars?
10-01-2009, 05:52 PM
Cause they make up for a specific muscle that's lacking.
Does it get cold when it snows or gets cold then snows?
The nose gets cold then blows.
Does the nose know more than the mouth?
10-01-2009, 06:55 PM
The nose is the entry point for the brain eating amoeba.
Where is a good place to go swimming?
10-01-2009, 10:18 PM
In the kitchen sink.
Where can I find an old penny?
10-01-2009, 11:05 PM
In an old penny loaffer.
What shall we toast to?
10-01-2009, 11:44 PM
The Jolly Green Giant's sex change
For whom did he do it?
10-02-2009, 10:31 AM
He did it for the Grouchy Purple Eggplant.
The flavor of coffee for the day is 'cowboy'. How did they come up with 'that' flavor?
Mixing dirt, piss, and vomit because cowboys sustain themselves.
What are the benefits of poverty?
10-02-2009, 11:38 PM
You can grow plants in them.
What is the best cut of hot dog?
10-03-2009, 12:20 AM
It's hard to decide between the boiled water sauce and the lips component of the meat. The lips component of the meat.
how can I "burn" a cup of instant coffee? Is it even possible?
10-03-2009, 12:34 AM
Nothing's possible, instant coffee can only attain the state of freezer burn.
Why did the hooligan cross the roadie?
10-03-2009, 12:36 AM
To get the minger with the gold hoop earrings.
Which came first the chicken or the egg?
10-03-2009, 07:22 PM
Niether. The road to cross came first.
Why are there 5 miles of orange barrels and only 3 road construction workers?
10-03-2009, 10:51 PM
It's a very complex mathematical equation. You wouldn't understand.
Why ask why?
10-03-2009, 10:53 PM
That way you don't have to tell tale.
Where's my mind?
10-03-2009, 10:55 PM
A very far place in the Milky Way Galaxy, there lives a thinking finger.
Which is good? Bad?
10-03-2009, 11:00 PM
All is Zen?
Where did who go?
10-03-2009, 11:00 PM
the lobotomy table
Why does it matter that matter matters to the proponents of anti-matter?
10-03-2009, 11:03 PM
It's their density.
How do you milk a three teated bull?
10-03-2009, 11:03 PM
It doesn't matter really.
Why somebody wants to shoplift?
10-03-2009, 11:05 PM
To see how strong they are.
What is the most impotant non-muscle?
10-03-2009, 11:44 PM
What does QWERTY mean?
10-04-2009, 12:01 AM
The step above asdfgh.
Will the handicap people really come after me with pitchforks and axes if I park in their stalls like my mother told me when I was young?
10-04-2009, 12:08 AM
That depends on what you mean by "park in their stalls"....
Why did man create law?
10-04-2009, 08:27 AM
To appease the womenfolk.
What are the rules to pocket pool?
10-04-2009, 10:06 PM
You go to your local swimming pool and empty out your pockets and the same time. Whoever's junk hits the bottom first wins.
How do you post an average of 100 posts a day?
10-04-2009, 10:27 PM
Cut out any girlfriends.
Can I really go fly a kite?
10-06-2009, 09:04 AM
Sure. If you can launch it first. To do that you lay down on the grass, put the kite over your head, and then blow out really hard.
What happens when you blow on a kite?
10-06-2009, 01:02 PM
It gets hard.
Why would you want to blow on a kite?
10-10-2009, 05:36 AM
to get the pretty pearl necklace
Why is it called "electricity"?
Erotically Lithe, Entropically Chaste, Theoretically Reverberant, Inevitably Couth, Indecently Terminal Yikery.
What image do you most often see, when you allow your eyes to view masses of letters apophenically?
10-10-2009, 06:01 PM
I see my worse nightmares from Nam.
Why did Hitler have hollow glass rods inserted into mens' urethreas?
10-10-2009, 08:18 PM
He believed it would help them play the tuba better.
Why does my French ketchup packet have a cartoon character on it?
10-10-2009, 10:00 PM
Because the French are a strange and kooky people.
Why don't we all live in tents?
10-10-2009, 10:02 PM
Because if we lived in tents instead of hamster balls people wouldn't feel claustrophobic enough.
Why do I feel the need to keep useless trash, yet throw out useful things?
10-10-2009, 10:38 PM
You have obviously stumbled into a "reverse day" dimension.
What makes the chicken the number one bird to eat? I mean why not duck or pigeon?
10-10-2009, 11:19 PM
You are mistaken. The rabbit is actually the number one bird to eat.
What is pi?
10-10-2009, 11:21 PM
The abbreviation for piņata.
How do you know you are real?
10-10-2009, 11:27 PM
I know I am real because 2+2 is fish.
but what is 3+3?
10-10-2009, 11:29 PM
a blonde blow up doll
Is a tomato a fruit or vegetable?
10-10-2009, 11:34 PM
It is actually a rare type of snake.
What color are my pants?
10-10-2009, 11:41 PM
Right like you have pants on.
Is there a pot of gold at the end of the rainbow? And how to you kill a leprechaun?
10-10-2009, 11:43 PM
there's actually a box of soda at the end of the rainbow. and you kill a leprechaun by stealing his lucky charms.
How do you make a werewolf agree to be your pet?
10-10-2009, 11:46 PM
Ask him nicely during a waning moon.
Do vampires prefer a certain type of blood?
10-10-2009, 11:51 PM
Indeed they do. They prefer the rare, yet delectable wooga wooga blood.
Is count chocula a real vampire, and if so do most vampires enjoy chocolate?
10-10-2009, 11:54 PM
He is a choclatarian vampire. He only eats chocolate to protest the inhuman treatment of humans. It's a personal decision for each vampire to make.
Did the Bride of Frankenstein wear white?
10-10-2009, 11:59 PM
The bride of Frankenstein's usual clothing was a dress made of clouds. They were storm clouds, however, so no, she did not wear white.
What makes demons attack humans, even though they usually coexist peacefully?
10-11-2009, 12:03 AM
Sex. And the Teletubbies.
Why did they change Steve on Blues Clues?
10-11-2009, 12:05 AM
They found out he was a cannibal.
What is your favourite instrument?
10-11-2009, 12:34 AM
What's in your wallet?
10-11-2009, 06:46 AM
What's in your wallet?
What is your favorite flavor of ice cream?
10-11-2009, 11:07 AM
Booger and cloud swirl.
What kind of hat are you wearing right now?
10-11-2009, 11:34 AM
The thinking cap.
Why do socks get holes ?
10-12-2009, 08:13 PM
because toes have teeth
Why is Santa considered "jolly"?
10-12-2009, 09:14 PM
It's suppose to be Jelly......his blubber wiggles.....he only laughs a lot cause it tickles.
Where is the best place to meet the great pumpkin this Halloween?
At the best little gourdhouse in Texas.
What's the perfect candy to poison, and how?
10-13-2009, 10:34 AM
Liquid centered candies. Inject them with Antifreeze. The atifreeze is sweet and will not cause alarm when eating. Only leathal in consecutive consumption. Can easily cause blindness.
Why would someone want to poison candy?
Consider it an evolutionary inoculation, of sorts. Don't teach the person; teach the genes.
Would you like some candy?
10-13-2009, 05:58 PM
Yes I would, especially poisoned candy.
Would YOU like some POPCORN?
10-13-2009, 07:04 PM
No, I don't like poopcorn. It gets caught in my colon.
When is it OK to summon Crom?
10-14-2009, 12:46 AM
when you see a hot pink hair growing out of your urethra
Why does grass have a stench after it rains?
10-14-2009, 12:56 AM
Same reason dogs' do as well.
Why can a little car part hold me hostage for a week and a half?
10-14-2009, 01:06 AM
Because you didn't use the astro glide before you had a go at it
What is the Sandman?
10-14-2009, 02:30 AM
It's not really a question of what as it is a question of why. Why is there sand, man?
Why is it so hard to get a wrench onto the car's nuts?
10-14-2009, 08:57 AM
because you didn't use enough salt
Who stole the cookie from the cookie jar?
Cookie Jar-jar Binks?
Who put the cookie in the jar to begin with?
10-16-2009, 09:30 AM
Hitler's mom, she was worried about his figure and put them in there and then up out of his reach
How did he get them down?
10-16-2009, 09:37 AM
With a rocket he had constructed by his henchmen specifically for the task. The lack of cookies was also Hitler's subconscious driving force for his conquests.
What was Hitler's mother's cookie recipe?
10-16-2009, 09:41 AM
2 C fennel
1 C guano
1/4 C fresh Rooster semen
2 tsp rat poison
1 pinch ground turtle shell
How would you eat that cookie?
10-16-2009, 09:47 AM
I would eat that cookie vicariously through Nikita.
How can I extract the rooster semen to make a batch?
10-16-2009, 09:48 AM
give Wapiti a 10 spot and bend over
What have you forgotten?
10-16-2009, 09:53 AM
I forgotten to forget and in around about way have too many things to remember that I just can't recall.
What would you like to forget.
10-16-2009, 09:54 AM
How do you define "trial and error"?
Try all and err, or...
Try not so much, and conclude with extreme prejudice.
What would be your test for worth, if lacking worth meant death?
10-16-2009, 10:12 AM
shits and giggles
Will you pass?
My stunt double will slide out the backdoor on my behalf.
One book library: What is the book?
10-16-2009, 10:20 AM
Only by the hair of your chiny chin chin.
Why do I associate an unfair conotation with the three little pigs?
You're a swine chauvinist... pig.
Could this game be any easier?
10-16-2009, 11:43 PM
If you hadn't had the lobotomy it would certainly be a lot easier.
Who performed the operation?
10-17-2009, 12:16 AM
I think it was hubcap with his ice pick. He told me that he read a book first.
How would a cephelectomy work instead of the lobotomy?
10-17-2009, 12:17 AM
one makes you poop butterflies, the other makes you piss shrapnel
Why has golf become such a popular way to kill time?
10-17-2009, 12:32 AM
It's like the lesser sentence for vehicular homicide rather than 1st degree murder. Always go for run-m-over approach.
Why should I wear my sunglasses at night?
10-17-2009, 12:34 AM
because if you don't, the moon will turn you into an albino
What are stars made of?
10-17-2009, 12:42 AM
Nothing. they are only holes in the fabric that covers the Earth.
What is the faberic that covers the Earth made of? How does it get there?
10-17-2009, 12:44 AM
it is a blanket of sin - it gets there with each vile act performed by men and only men
Who is the bringer of daylight?
10-17-2009, 12:55 AM
The energizer bunny.
Where did you put your pink bunny costume?
10-17-2009, 01:02 AM
I gave it to Storm as a surprise for Rudy. He's really into Furries.
Which animal could best be described as undulating?
10-17-2009, 01:09 AM
Any hooved animal that can fly. See the muzicman....awesome specimen.
where can I find blinker fluid for my car?
10-17-2009, 01:10 AM
rara's bile ducts
How will you collect it?
10-17-2009, 01:14 AM
Catheters will do well.
how can I find the needle in the haystack?
Burn the haystack.
Why doesn't crime pay?
10-17-2009, 08:00 AM
because the victims are really diabolical warlord puppetmasters
Why should blessings run around naked?
Because naked is the best disguise.
What animal's heart would best replace your own?
10-17-2009, 08:17 AM
What should be the mascot of China?
Sweet, sour, bitter, salty and you get to choose another taste, just for yourself.
10-17-2009, 09:11 AM
Anthropic. It kind of is a mix of all the above with a dash of heathanism thrown in.
the king crab...crustacean or arachnid?
Depends upon whose pubis they feast upon?
What three things should one never be without?
10-17-2009, 01:46 PM
Who's making a list and checking it twice?
Why is popular music so... popular?
10-17-2009, 02:37 PM
It is a conspiracy created by the soda pop establishment. Everytime you hear pop music, you think of soda and you get a drink... you get the caffeine high and your hooked to the soda and the "pop" music.
What was Elvis's first job?
10-17-2009, 02:46 PM
Hula hoop instructor.
What does TCB mean, anyway?
10-17-2009, 08:39 PM
Toronto College of Business
What kind of car did/does he drive?
10-17-2009, 10:20 PM
An old Studebaker with bullet holes in it.
How many oxygen atoms are required to completly combust the acetylene in my torch?
10-17-2009, 10:29 PM
oxygen?! you need a Xenon-Helium cocktail!
What is the function of language?
10-17-2009, 10:33 PM
why, the function is to use as many dirty words as posible.
will toothpicks really help me keep my eyes open?
10-17-2009, 10:37 PM
only if you apply them with superglue as a bridge between your eyelids and cheeks
Who was Halley?
10-17-2009, 10:51 PM
The gal who rode in on a comet.
If I-tunes were your-tunes and your-tunes are my-tunes, Whos tunes are my-tunes?
10-17-2009, 10:54 PM
Ask Big Bird
Why are you supposed to cry "Uncle!" when you surrender?
What by any other name, would -not- smell as sweet?
10-18-2009, 10:14 AM
If a train leaves Boston traveling west at 27mph and another train heads east from Cleveland traveling at 84mph, then how long will it take everyone in Cleveland to realize they live in Cleveland and move?
10-18-2009, 12:53 PM
If a train leaves Boston traveling west at 27mph and another train heads east from Cleveland traveling at 84mph, then how long will it take everyone in Cleveland to realize they live in Cleveland and move?
As long as it will take u to take a train there and convince them urself...People need that...
Why people out of no where start talking about the weather?!!
10-18-2009, 03:37 PM
How does one achieve enlightenment?
10-18-2009, 03:44 PM
by watching every episode of stargate.
How was cheese invented?
How many wrongs, make a rite?
10-18-2009, 04:30 PM
two - simple math (a negative times or divided by another negative = positive), so a third wrong would make it wrong again, and then a forth would make it right and so forth. This also applies to squaring and cubing...
how much wood would a wood chuck chuck if a wood chuck had an eating disorder?
10-18-2009, 06:59 PM
About as much as the beer I can ingest on a Sunday afternoon.
Mind over what mater?
10-18-2009, 11:18 PM
only with a side of bacon.
what cellphone company has the best coverage?
10-19-2009, 12:47 AM
What is Spock's psychology?
To use his inner Nimoy to its full potential.
What is your favorite tattoo of?
10-19-2009, 10:58 AM
He is of the land called Fantasy Island.
Why do buses come in three's?
10-19-2009, 04:35 PM
Because the thetan levels are too high.
What does the milky way taste like?
10-19-2009, 05:25 PM
Anything but Rasberries, probably snozzberies.
How many potato chips can the average person eat in one sitting.
10-19-2009, 09:51 PM
How long does the average man live?
10-19-2009, 11:13 PM
Only until marriage, then it becomes survival.
What happenened to vitamins F and G
10-20-2009, 12:12 AM
They are on strike until the legalization of gay marriage.
What is the function of an isotope?
Not to speak until spoken to, like a good communist state.
Why'd the turtle cross the road?
10-20-2009, 07:25 AM
to go to the all-night nudie bazaar
Why did the hare race the tortoise?
10-20-2009, 07:35 PM
To bet on him/herself heavily and lose the race to win big $$$'s!
If you remember Newton was under an apple tree and discovered gravity. Why was he there?
10-20-2009, 11:29 PM
To try to beat Newton to the punch and steal the glory.
Why do some bras contain underwire and some do not?
10-21-2009, 07:30 AM
Some have batteries and wireless connections and some do not.
Why do we have zipcodes?
10-21-2009, 08:36 PM
So you can secretly do up your zipper in public....
When will it end?
10-21-2009, 10:35 PM
As soon as you begin to care.
What comes after go-go gadget?
10-21-2009, 11:17 PM
What would happen if brain ever went on strike?
10-21-2009, 11:24 PM
little brainless dude would get herpes
How do you know if the schwartz is with you?
10-21-2009, 11:45 PM
A cold chill down your spine would be highly indicative.
Why would I want to scan someone's neck for Dr Parsons if the person has no neck pain?
10-21-2009, 11:47 PM
because that person may not be a person at all, but an evil alien sent to inhabit dr. parsons' body...this way he puts you in the line of fire, instead
What oath do doctors take upon licensure?
10-22-2009, 09:41 AM
The cover your ass flowchart principles oath.
When was the last time a doctor practiced real medicine?
10-22-2009, 06:43 PM
When he/she drilled holes in his/her patients head using primitive tools.
Who built the pyramids?
10-22-2009, 07:46 PM
The reptile people built them 1000 years into the future from now in a time warp manner that we will think they are getting older instead of getting newer.
What if the Earth all of a sudden stopped turning?
10-22-2009, 08:56 PM
It already did several years ago. No one noticed because they were to busy worrying about global warming.
What do you get when you cross a polar bear with an elephant?
10-22-2009, 10:23 PM
An incompatable anomaly that the rt wing republicans decree as the whore of the Earth and take expedient measures to further sink the US in deficit spending to rid the planet of such a creature.
What if the moon began a collision course with the Earth?
Cats and dogs would live together.
What is the best wood to burn?
10-24-2009, 08:52 AM
wood y allen.
Why does grandma have to live over the river and through the woods?
10-24-2009, 09:59 AM
That's where it's easier for the big bad wolf to visit her.
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what lives over the rainbow?
A green leprechaun, a pink unichaun and a flowerpot of ch(r)aunic worth twenty times its weight in gold depending upon how the market flucts you over-- any of which will give you chauncer.
What exactly do whales sing of?
10-26-2009, 11:41 PM
The End of Days
Why do penguins waddle?
10-27-2009, 08:19 AM
You would too it you wet your pants.
If a person had 2 bladders, could they hold twice as much pee?
If someone changes their switch from being pissed off to pissed on.
Is it incestuous for hermaphrodites to have sexual intercourse w/ themselves?
10-28-2009, 10:24 PM
Only if they don't pretend they are someone else.
Is it always a bad thing for an uncle to have baths with his nieces?
10-29-2009, 06:58 AM
Only if he isn't the President.
What's a kiester?
10-30-2009, 01:53 AM
The main dish a can of whoop ass is added to for best results.
Why must I have flanel sheets?
10-31-2009, 05:23 AM
because they help to regulate the flow of iron in your blood
How is pricing of cars determined?
10-31-2009, 09:27 AM
The sqaure of the weight to power ratio.
How much candy will I get tonight?
10-31-2009, 08:57 PM
Depends on how much you pay her.
When does it end?
11-01-2009, 12:36 AM
It never ends. It keeps going on forever just how the song goes.
If I stare at a black, will it hurt my eye?
11-01-2009, 02:53 AM
only if the roulette wheel stops spinning
What is the most ghoulish scene possible?
11-02-2009, 09:58 PM
A real chainsaw guy with unbeknownst patrons at the end of a haunted house.
Hows the best way to sharpen a chainsaw?
11-03-2009, 12:42 AM
with your teeth, but make sure it's turned on full blast, first
What does blood smell like?
11-03-2009, 12:52 AM
You'll soon find out when I get that shainsaw started.
Which atery is the worse one to cut?
11-03-2009, 01:26 AM
the one connected to the clitoris
How do vampires mate?
11-03-2009, 07:17 AM
With crucifix shaped strap ons.
What's the difference between harlots and harems?
11-05-2009, 01:16 AM
where you put the cinnamon sticks
What do you get when you pass GO?
11-05-2009, 07:56 AM
A doctor's note excusing you from work for a week.
Where is your pancreas?
11-05-2009, 04:48 PM
On the Edgware road.
Why do birds fly?
11-05-2009, 04:50 PM
Because they signed a non-compete clause with fish.
Why do people drop coins into wells, fountains, etc?
11-05-2009, 05:44 PM
How does one quit smoking?
11-05-2009, 06:29 PM
A good fire extinguisher usually does the trick.
How do you splice a mainbrace?
11-05-2009, 06:36 PM
With a double shot of scotch...
How do you find TDC on a 1965 FJ 40?
11-05-2009, 08:23 PM
Look it up in the 2009 STD identification handbook.
Are you trying to tell us something?
11-05-2009, 08:41 PM
Yes we are and the good news is it can ,mostly, be cured.
why are so many lighthouses heavy?
11-05-2009, 11:11 PM
because the headlight is on top and the neck isn't made to support it, after all, the spine provides reinforcement when the headlights are put on the front
What is Kismet?
11-06-2009, 10:59 AM
A crunchy candy first popularized in South Carolina. Now associated with rapid tooth decay.
Is a road also a street?
11-06-2009, 04:52 PM
Only when a hippo is crossing it.
What is the square root of 144?
11-06-2009, 05:19 PM
11 squared is 144, but only for very large values of 11.
What's the difference between a dictionary and an encyclopedia?
11-06-2009, 07:34 PM
About 63 inches.
Should we paint Stonehenge and why?
11-06-2009, 09:41 PM
You should paint the columns with alternating zebra stripes and tiger stripes so they will better blend in with their surroundings.
Why was the Great Pyramid built?
11-06-2009, 09:54 PM
For the sole purpose to illicit your question.
How do I get rid of my headache?
11-06-2009, 10:04 PM
listen to Screamo as you guzzle Absynthe-Everclear cocktails
How are Supreme Court Justices chosen?
11-06-2009, 11:13 PM
^Hmmmmm, Those cocktails sound good. Just as long as the Absinthe is authentic wormwood......
Supreme court justices get chosen by the presidents special withch doctor who seemingly raises the justice from political death.......kind of like zombification.
Who would really ever care?
11-07-2009, 05:59 AM
Why do they NEVER supersize soap?
11-07-2009, 10:00 AM
You can't HANDLE the soap!
Why do mechanical pencils suck to chew on?
11-08-2009, 02:06 PM
Because they are supposed to be swallowed without chewing, like a pill.
Why do we have fingernails?
11-08-2009, 02:31 PM
So that our toenails don't feel lonely.
Why worry about the future?
To forget the past.
How do you go back to the future?
11-10-2009, 10:59 AM
You must watch the documentary from the 1980's with Michael Fox. It will give ou all you need to know.
What is the difference between high fructose corn syrup and corn syrup?
11-10-2009, 06:20 PM
octane content and price.
Why do cars have 4 wheels (mostly).
11-10-2009, 06:23 PM
What's an opposable thumb good for, anyway?
11-10-2009, 07:28 PM
Only animals with opposable thumbs have the ability to strangle another with bare hands.
Is it all worth it? How?
11-10-2009, 07:31 PM
Information technology is always worthwhile. Usually with cheese.
Is Belgium real or a mirage?
11-10-2009, 10:08 PM
Belgium is a mirage caused by inadequate supplies of french fries.
What is an imagination?
11-10-2009, 10:30 PM
Something the people whom I work with have none of.
What would the result be if hornets mated with hummingbirds?
11-12-2009, 04:44 PM
A really bad sports team?
Where are all the good men?
11-12-2009, 09:46 PM
Hiding under all the big rocks. Just go roll one over.
Why can't I walk down the city street while drinking a beer without getting harrased by the pigs?
11-13-2009, 07:15 PM
Because sheep tend to stay in the pasture.
Why is a sinus/respiratory infection that causes fever referred to as "a cold"? :huh:
11-16-2009, 01:42 AM
Because the cure is a fire bath which makes the previous state of being seem "cold" by comparison.
How do you gauge interest?
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