View Full Version : I'm So Bored; Please Amuse Me - The Wrong Answer Game
jonnyb
09-24-2009, 08:57 PM
They really do. The delivering Dr suts them off at birth and hangs them on his trophy wall at home.
What's so cool about having a car that rides 1/2 inch off the ground?
escapist11
09-24-2009, 10:09 PM
Nothing.
Why are we made of water?
jonnyb
09-24-2009, 11:51 PM
Better than lead.
Why should I have to work?
To get laid.
Why should you have to prey?
jonnyb
09-25-2009, 08:44 PM
Also, to get laid.
Why do people who make the rules find it so difficult to follow thier rules?
Rules change to accommodate ruler unless overruled.
Does a king determine measurement?
mrStevens
09-25-2009, 09:05 PM
Yes. All measurements are determined by the current King's dimensions (size of feet, size of weiner, circumference of head, etc.)
Why does Football mean something different in the US than it does in the rest of the known world?
jonnyb
09-25-2009, 09:07 PM
Doesn't mean much at all to the people on Mars.
Where does the moon go on the new moon phase?
Nikita
09-25-2009, 10:56 PM
to Santa's repair shop...hey, he's gotta do something to keep those elves busy during the rest of the year, union rules
How do you know when you've gone too far?
When you haven't moved.
How do you know what you know isn't false?
jonnyb
09-26-2009, 03:32 PM
At the same time you know you just don't want to think about it anymore.
Why do people want constant changes in scenery?
escapist11
09-26-2009, 04:36 PM
They're just wannabe professional photographers.
Why do new towels SUCK at drying?
jonnyb
09-26-2009, 05:43 PM
They got to get broke in ya know. Just like a matress.
How come airplanes can fly upside-down?
Nikita
09-26-2009, 10:56 PM
because reality is a tool to be shaped by the gremlins who dance in the clouds
What is the definition of gargantuan?
jonnyb
09-27-2009, 12:00 AM
An interbreeding between Geroge, Antonio and Juan....Very bad condition.
Why is the 'p' silent in swimming pool?
newday
09-27-2009, 12:45 AM
because it was "pulled" in the water and drowned
although its spirit lives within its spelling
why is water tastes like water?
jonnyb
09-27-2009, 12:50 AM
Kind the same reason chicken tastes like everything else.
Why can I order a dollar hamburger but not dollar french fries?
newday
09-27-2009, 12:58 AM
it is not listed on the menu.
How can we hear silence?
jonnyb
09-27-2009, 01:01 AM
The same way we can hear mothers calling us when we don't want to do something.
Why do ugly guys get all the hot girls?
newday
09-27-2009, 01:09 AM
the same as when the ugly girls get the hot guys
Why can't I see my eyes?
jonnyb
09-27-2009, 01:13 AM
You're invisible from the other thread still.......
Which chainsaw would be better to use for Halloween?
newday
09-27-2009, 03:26 AM
the one which has printed "dangerous" and "fatal"
Where can I find a smokeless lighted cigar?
In a puddle of water.
Where can you find Bob Seger?
jonnyb
09-27-2009, 09:19 PM
Locked up on the 5th level of security isolation at the central CDC office.
How do they make these cool cookies into the shape of a ghost?
By eating cookies and breathing their vapor out in freezing weather.
How do you differentiate between a sausage and a hot dog?
jonnyb
09-28-2009, 09:32 AM
One squirts, the other doesn't.
How can I illicit a control condition in a micro bound cold fusion environment?
Catch a boson and give it Higgups.
What's your preferred method for skinning cats?
jonnyb
09-28-2009, 11:07 AM
Scare the cat out of skin meathod. It also renders the fur pure white and allows the cat 8 more lives....It is also an endorsed method by the People for Cats foundation too.
Where would you be if you were already there?
Taking tesseracting classes.
The bull tills for [blank]
themuzicman
09-28-2009, 11:43 AM
Rosie O'Donnell.
What's on fire?
The second baseman.
14 trillion trillion trillion stars; what will be the first message we receive?
jonnyb
09-28-2009, 12:13 PM
Certainly not my motivation.
If everything you needed to do were done, what would there be left for you to do?
Everything everyone else fucked up, including [wracking cough~] God.
What body part would you -not- allow to become machine?
jonnyb
09-28-2009, 08:24 PM
The assimilation of rust doth corrupt the mechanical anatomy.
Where can I find the original Necronomicom?
newday
09-28-2009, 08:28 PM
In the bottle of wine.
How can you tell if your pet wants to eat?
jonnyb
09-28-2009, 08:42 PM
You start missing a few dangling appendages.
What did you want with that anyways?
Nikita
09-29-2009, 05:42 AM
my money for nothin' and my chicks for free
Who's BoJangles?
jonnyb
09-29-2009, 12:50 PM
The guy who 'rings' Santa's sleigh 'bell'.
what's the difference between isotonic and isometric?
Stratego
09-29-2009, 01:39 PM
Isometric's the evil twin, of course.
What's so great about the metric system, anyway?
jonnyb
09-29-2009, 03:25 PM
It is one step closer to everyone being physically assimilated into one great concept.
How many inches of snow equal 1 inch of rain?
Nikita
09-30-2009, 06:41 AM
20,000 leagues
What is the current temperature in the leg of Atom Ant?
jonnyb
09-30-2009, 07:28 AM
A lot warmer than a witch's teat.
What is there in life worth more than Gary Coleman?
Charlie Brown
Who's Charles in charge of?
jonnyb
09-30-2009, 09:06 PM
The chews
Who thunk up the whole ball of wax anyhows?
Charly
09-30-2009, 09:21 PM
the dung beetles that roll the balls of dung around. The scarabs.
what purpose does dancing on someone's grave serve?
jonnyb
09-30-2009, 09:24 PM
It packs the dirt tighter so they can't get out.
How do the Elders in the voodoo belief system exchange their soul with someone younger?
Charly
09-30-2009, 09:35 PM
that's a redundant question because once they swapped they would no longer be the elder and they'd have to do it again. but the way they do it is by both drinking a can of pepsi max whilst chained to the bike rack out the front of the local Icecream shop.
Why do people need to micromanage everything?
jonnyb
09-30-2009, 10:19 PM
To make sure no germs get to places they ought not be.
Where is lady luck sleeping tonight?
escapist11
09-30-2009, 10:40 PM
On your weenis.
Do you "got" the feeling that tonight's really gonna to be a good night? or is that terrible song just full of shit?
jonnyb
10-01-2009, 08:05 AM
Tomorrow day is gonna be a mediocre one.
Why don't you create a mood forecast apparatus that can semi-accurately predict peoples moods like a 5 or 7 day forecast?
Charly
10-01-2009, 08:09 AM
because of the observer effect. If we could accurately predict the future the future would change. Plus I don't own an arc welder.
why don't you own an arc welder?
Seriously
10-01-2009, 08:11 AM
it's illegal to in my state
What are teddy bears stuffed with?
jonnyb
10-01-2009, 08:55 AM
Worms, snails, and puppy dog tails
What would the forementioned ratio be?
Seriously
10-01-2009, 09:00 AM
Depends on several factors. Is it a girl or boy bear? What color is it? Has it accepted Jesus in it's heart?
Why is Bumblebee a Camaro and not a Mustang?
Stratego
10-01-2009, 09:13 AM
It's all based on a slight difference in interpretation of the bible, and a very radical difference in the doctrine. Camaro's believe in style before speed whereas Mustangs believe in speed and style simultaneously.
(Proud Pomy Mama. Have to post pics of my Pony sometime...)
Why are they called "muscle" cars?
jonnyb
10-01-2009, 04:52 PM
Cause they make up for a specific muscle that's lacking.
Does it get cold when it snows or gets cold then snows?
The nose gets cold then blows.
Does the nose know more than the mouth?
jonnyb
10-01-2009, 05:55 PM
The nose is the entry point for the brain eating amoeba.
Where is a good place to go swimming?
newday
10-01-2009, 09:18 PM
In the kitchen sink.
Where can I find an old penny?
jonnyb
10-01-2009, 10:05 PM
In an old penny loaffer.
What shall we toast to?
Nikita
10-01-2009, 10:44 PM
The Jolly Green Giant's sex change
For whom did he do it?
jonnyb
10-02-2009, 09:31 AM
He did it for the Grouchy Purple Eggplant.
The flavor of coffee for the day is 'cowboy'. How did they come up with 'that' flavor?
Mixing dirt, piss, and vomit because cowboys sustain themselves.
What are the benefits of poverty?
jonnyb
10-02-2009, 10:38 PM
You can grow plants in them.
What is the best cut of hot dog?
Charly
10-02-2009, 11:20 PM
It's hard to decide between the boiled water sauce and the lips component of the meat. The lips component of the meat.
how can I "burn" a cup of instant coffee? Is it even possible?
Nikita
10-02-2009, 11:34 PM
Nothing's possible, instant coffee can only attain the state of freezer burn.
Why did the hooligan cross the roadie?
Charly
10-02-2009, 11:36 PM
To get the minger with the gold hoop earrings.
Which came first the chicken or the egg?
jonnyb
10-03-2009, 06:22 PM
Niether. The road to cross came first.
Why are there 5 miles of orange barrels and only 3 road construction workers?
Seriously
10-03-2009, 09:51 PM
It's a very complex mathematical equation. You wouldn't understand.
Why ask why?
jonnyb
10-03-2009, 09:53 PM
That way you don't have to tell tale.
Where's my mind?
newday
10-03-2009, 09:55 PM
A very far place in the Milky Way Galaxy, there lives a thinking finger.
Which is good? Bad?
jonnyb
10-03-2009, 10:00 PM
All is Zen?
Where did who go?
Nikita
10-03-2009, 10:00 PM
the lobotomy table
Why does it matter that matter matters to the proponents of anti-matter?
jonnyb
10-03-2009, 10:03 PM
It's their density.
How do you milk a three teated bull?
newday
10-03-2009, 10:03 PM
It doesn't matter really.
Why somebody wants to shoplift?
jonnyb
10-03-2009, 10:05 PM
To see how strong they are.
What is the most impotant non-muscle?
Nikita
10-03-2009, 10:44 PM
the tongue
What does QWERTY mean?
jonnyb
10-03-2009, 11:01 PM
The step above asdfgh.
Will the handicap people really come after me with pitchforks and axes if I park in their stalls like my mother told me when I was young?
Nikita
10-03-2009, 11:08 PM
That depends on what you mean by "park in their stalls"....
Why did man create law?
jonnyb
10-04-2009, 07:27 AM
To appease the womenfolk.
What are the rules to pocket pool?
Kisai
10-04-2009, 09:06 PM
You go to your local swimming pool and empty out your pockets and the same time. Whoever's junk hits the bottom first wins.
How do you post an average of 100 posts a day?
jonnyb
10-04-2009, 09:27 PM
Cut out any girlfriends.
Can I really go fly a kite?
Stratego
10-06-2009, 08:04 AM
Sure. If you can launch it first. To do that you lay down on the grass, put the kite over your head, and then blow out really hard.
What happens when you blow on a kite?
jonnyb
10-06-2009, 12:02 PM
It gets hard.
Why would you want to blow on a kite?
Nikita
10-10-2009, 04:36 AM
to get the pretty pearl necklace
Why is it called "electricity"?
Erotically Lithe, Entropically Chaste, Theoretically Reverberant, Inevitably Couth, Indecently Terminal Yikery.
What image do you most often see, when you allow your eyes to view masses of letters apophenically?
jonnyb
10-10-2009, 05:01 PM
I see my worse nightmares from Nam.
Why did Hitler have hollow glass rods inserted into mens' urethreas?
Hjordis
10-10-2009, 07:18 PM
He believed it would help them play the tuba better.
Why does my French ketchup packet have a cartoon character on it?
Seriously
10-10-2009, 09:00 PM
Because the French are a strange and kooky people.
Why don't we all live in tents?
Hjordis
10-10-2009, 09:02 PM
Because if we lived in tents instead of hamster balls people wouldn't feel claustrophobic enough.
Why do I feel the need to keep useless trash, yet throw out useful things?
Seriously
10-10-2009, 09:38 PM
You have obviously stumbled into a "reverse day" dimension.
What makes the chicken the number one bird to eat? I mean why not duck or pigeon?
Hjordis
10-10-2009, 10:19 PM
You are mistaken. The rabbit is actually the number one bird to eat.
What is pi?
Seriously
10-10-2009, 10:21 PM
The abbreviation for piņata.
How do you know you are real?
Hjordis
10-10-2009, 10:27 PM
I know I am real because 2+2 is fish.
but what is 3+3?
Seriously
10-10-2009, 10:29 PM
a blonde blow up doll
Is a tomato a fruit or vegetable?
Hjordis
10-10-2009, 10:34 PM
It is actually a rare type of snake.
What color are my pants?
Seriously
10-10-2009, 10:41 PM
Right like you have pants on.
Is there a pot of gold at the end of the rainbow? And how to you kill a leprechaun?
Hjordis
10-10-2009, 10:43 PM
there's actually a box of soda at the end of the rainbow. and you kill a leprechaun by stealing his lucky charms.
How do you make a werewolf agree to be your pet?
Seriously
10-10-2009, 10:46 PM
Ask him nicely during a waning moon.
Do vampires prefer a certain type of blood?
Hjordis
10-10-2009, 10:51 PM
Indeed they do. They prefer the rare, yet delectable wooga wooga blood.
Is count chocula a real vampire, and if so do most vampires enjoy chocolate?
Seriously
10-10-2009, 10:54 PM
He is a choclatarian vampire. He only eats chocolate to protest the inhuman treatment of humans. It's a personal decision for each vampire to make.
Did the Bride of Frankenstein wear white?
Hjordis
10-10-2009, 10:59 PM
The bride of Frankenstein's usual clothing was a dress made of clouds. They were storm clouds, however, so no, she did not wear white.
What makes demons attack humans, even though they usually coexist peacefully?
Seriously
10-10-2009, 11:03 PM
Sex. And the Teletubbies.
Why did they change Steve on Blues Clues?
Hjordis
10-10-2009, 11:05 PM
They found out he was a cannibal.
What is your favourite instrument?
jonnyb
10-10-2009, 11:34 PM
The Snarflat.
What's in your wallet?
Nameless
10-11-2009, 05:46 AM
The Snarflat.
What's in your wallet?
Your wallet.
What is your favorite flavor of ice cream?
Hjordis
10-11-2009, 10:07 AM
Booger and cloud swirl.
What kind of hat are you wearing right now?
jonnyb
10-11-2009, 10:34 AM
The thinking cap.
Why do socks get holes ?
Nikita
10-12-2009, 07:13 PM
because toes have teeth
Why is Santa considered "jolly"?
jonnyb
10-12-2009, 08:14 PM
It's suppose to be Jelly......his blubber wiggles.....he only laughs a lot cause it tickles.
Where is the best place to meet the great pumpkin this Halloween?
At the best little gourdhouse in Texas.
What's the perfect candy to poison, and how?
jonnyb
10-13-2009, 09:34 AM
Liquid centered candies. Inject them with Antifreeze. The atifreeze is sweet and will not cause alarm when eating. Only leathal in consecutive consumption. Can easily cause blindness.
Why would someone want to poison candy?
Consider it an evolutionary inoculation, of sorts. Don't teach the person; teach the genes.
Would you like some candy?
Hjordis
10-13-2009, 04:58 PM
Yes I would, especially poisoned candy.
Would YOU like some POPCORN?
jonnyb
10-13-2009, 06:04 PM
No, I don't like poopcorn. It gets caught in my colon.
When is it OK to summon Crom?
Nikita
10-13-2009, 11:46 PM
when you see a hot pink hair growing out of your urethra
Why does grass have a stench after it rains?
jonnyb
10-13-2009, 11:56 PM
Same reason dogs' do as well.
Why can a little car part hold me hostage for a week and a half?
Nikita
10-14-2009, 12:06 AM
Because you didn't use the astro glide before you had a go at it
What is the Sandman?
jonnyb
10-14-2009, 01:30 AM
It's not really a question of what as it is a question of why. Why is there sand, man?
Why is it so hard to get a wrench onto the car's nuts?
Nikita
10-14-2009, 07:57 AM
because you didn't use enough salt
Who stole the cookie from the cookie jar?
Cookie Jar-jar Binks?
Who put the cookie in the jar to begin with?
Nikita
10-16-2009, 08:30 AM
Hitler's mom, she was worried about his figure and put them in there and then up out of his reach
How did he get them down?
jonnyb
10-16-2009, 08:37 AM
With a rocket he had constructed by his henchmen specifically for the task. The lack of cookies was also Hitler's subconscious driving force for his conquests.
What was Hitler's mother's cookie recipe?
Nikita
10-16-2009, 08:41 AM
2 C fennel
1 C guano
1/4 C fresh Rooster semen
2 tsp rat poison
1 pinch ground turtle shell
How would you eat that cookie?
jonnyb
10-16-2009, 08:47 AM
I would eat that cookie vicariously through Nikita.
How can I extract the rooster semen to make a batch?
Nikita
10-16-2009, 08:48 AM
give Wapiti a 10 spot and bend over
What have you forgotten?
jonnyb
10-16-2009, 08:53 AM
I forgotten to forget and in around about way have too many things to remember that I just can't recall.
What would you like to forget.
Nikita
10-16-2009, 08:54 AM
my principles
How do you define "trial and error"?
Try all and err, or...
Try not so much, and conclude with extreme prejudice.
What would be your test for worth, if lacking worth meant death?
Nikita
10-16-2009, 09:12 AM
shits and giggles
Will you pass?
My stunt double will slide out the backdoor on my behalf.
One book library: What is the book?
jonnyb
10-16-2009, 09:20 AM
Only by the hair of your chiny chin chin.
Why do I associate an unfair conotation with the three little pigs?
You're a swine chauvinist... pig.
Could this game be any easier?
Nikita
10-16-2009, 10:43 PM
If you hadn't had the lobotomy it would certainly be a lot easier.
Who performed the operation?
jonnyb
10-16-2009, 11:16 PM
I think it was hubcap with his ice pick. He told me that he read a book first.
How would a cephelectomy work instead of the lobotomy?
Nikita
10-16-2009, 11:17 PM
one makes you poop butterflies, the other makes you piss shrapnel
Why has golf become such a popular way to kill time?
jonnyb
10-16-2009, 11:32 PM
It's like the lesser sentence for vehicular homicide rather than 1st degree murder. Always go for run-m-over approach.
Why should I wear my sunglasses at night?
Nikita
10-16-2009, 11:34 PM
because if you don't, the moon will turn you into an albino
What are stars made of?
jonnyb
10-16-2009, 11:42 PM
Nothing. they are only holes in the fabric that covers the Earth.
What is the faberic that covers the Earth made of? How does it get there?
Nikita
10-16-2009, 11:44 PM
it is a blanket of sin - it gets there with each vile act performed by men and only men
Who is the bringer of daylight?
jonnyb
10-16-2009, 11:55 PM
The energizer bunny.
Where did you put your pink bunny costume?
Nikita
10-17-2009, 12:02 AM
I gave it to Storm as a surprise for Rudy. He's really into Furries.
Which animal could best be described as undulating?
jonnyb
10-17-2009, 12:09 AM
Any hooved animal that can fly. See the muzicman....awesome specimen.
where can I find blinker fluid for my car?
Nikita
10-17-2009, 12:10 AM
rara's bile ducts
How will you collect it?
jonnyb
10-17-2009, 12:14 AM
Catheters will do well.
how can I find the needle in the haystack?
Burn the haystack.
Why doesn't crime pay?
Nikita
10-17-2009, 07:00 AM
because the victims are really diabolical warlord puppetmasters
Why should blessings run around naked?
Because naked is the best disguise.
blink, blinkblink~
What animal's heart would best replace your own?
Nikita
10-17-2009, 07:17 AM
hummingbird
What should be the mascot of China?
The walking[chop]stick.
Sweet, sour, bitter, salty and you get to choose another taste, just for yourself.
jonnyb
10-17-2009, 08:11 AM
Anthropic. It kind of is a mix of all the above with a dash of heathanism thrown in.
the king crab...crustacean or arachnid?
Uh.
Depends upon whose pubis they feast upon?
What three things should one never be without?
Stratego
10-17-2009, 12:46 PM
thumb tacks
mentos
tungsten wire
Who's making a list and checking it twice?
IRS hitmen.
Why is popular music so... popular?
dnyitray
10-17-2009, 01:37 PM
It is a conspiracy created by the soda pop establishment. Everytime you hear pop music, you think of soda and you get a drink... you get the caffeine high and your hooked to the soda and the "pop" music.
What was Elvis's first job?
Stratego
10-17-2009, 01:46 PM
Hula hoop instructor.
What does TCB mean, anyway?
dnyitray
10-17-2009, 07:39 PM
Toronto College of Business
What kind of car did/does he drive?
jonnyb
10-17-2009, 09:20 PM
An old Studebaker with bullet holes in it.
How many oxygen atoms are required to completly combust the acetylene in my torch?
Nikita
10-17-2009, 09:29 PM
oxygen?! you need a Xenon-Helium cocktail!
What is the function of language?
jonnyb
10-17-2009, 09:33 PM
why, the function is to use as many dirty words as posible.
will toothpicks really help me keep my eyes open?
Nikita
10-17-2009, 09:37 PM
only if you apply them with superglue as a bridge between your eyelids and cheeks
Who was Halley?
jonnyb
10-17-2009, 09:51 PM
The gal who rode in on a comet.
If I-tunes were your-tunes and your-tunes are my-tunes, Whos tunes are my-tunes?
Nikita
10-17-2009, 09:54 PM
Ask Big Bird
Why are you supposed to cry "Uncle!" when you surrender?
Un-kill.
What by any other name, would -not- smell as sweet?
MakingIn
10-18-2009, 09:14 AM
Judaism. Obviously.
If a train leaves Boston traveling west at 27mph and another train heads east from Cleveland traveling at 84mph, then how long will it take everyone in Cleveland to realize they live in Cleveland and move?
windwalking
10-18-2009, 11:53 AM
Judaism. Obviously.
If a train leaves Boston traveling west at 27mph and another train heads east from Cleveland traveling at 84mph, then how long will it take everyone in Cleveland to realize they live in Cleveland and move?
As long as it will take u to take a train there and convince them urself...People need that...
Why people out of no where start talking about the weather?!!
MakingIn
10-18-2009, 02:37 PM
Judaism. Obviously.
How does one achieve enlightenment?
dnyitray
10-18-2009, 02:44 PM
by watching every episode of stargate.
How was cheese invented?
Judaism, counter-intuitively.
How many wrongs, make a rite?
dnyitray
10-18-2009, 03:30 PM
two - simple math (a negative times or divided by another negative = positive), so a third wrong would make it wrong again, and then a forth would make it right and so forth. This also applies to squaring and cubing...
how much wood would a wood chuck chuck if a wood chuck had an eating disorder?
jonnyb
10-18-2009, 05:59 PM
About as much as the beer I can ingest on a Sunday afternoon.
Mind over what mater?
dnyitray
10-18-2009, 10:18 PM
only with a side of bacon.
what cellphone company has the best coverage?
Nikita
10-18-2009, 11:47 PM
SigNot
What is Spock's psychology?
To use his inner Nimoy to its full potential.
What is your favorite tattoo of?
dnyitray
10-19-2009, 09:58 AM
He is of the land called Fantasy Island.
Why do buses come in three's?
MakingIn
10-19-2009, 03:35 PM
Because the thetan levels are too high.
What does the milky way taste like?
dnyitray
10-19-2009, 04:25 PM
Anything but Rasberries, probably snozzberies.
How many potato chips can the average person eat in one sitting.
Hjordis
10-19-2009, 08:51 PM
62 million.
How long does the average man live?
jonnyb
10-19-2009, 10:13 PM
Only until marriage, then it becomes survival.
What happenened to vitamins F and G
Nikita
10-19-2009, 11:12 PM
They are on strike until the legalization of gay marriage.
What is the function of an isotope?
Not to speak until spoken to, like a good communist state.
Why'd the turtle cross the road?
Nikita
10-20-2009, 06:25 AM
to go to the all-night nudie bazaar
Why did the hare race the tortoise?
dnyitray
10-20-2009, 06:35 PM
To bet on him/herself heavily and lose the race to win big $$$'s!
If you remember Newton was under an apple tree and discovered gravity. Why was he there?
Nikita
10-20-2009, 10:29 PM
To try to beat Newton to the punch and steal the glory.
Why do some bras contain underwire and some do not?
dnyitray
10-21-2009, 06:30 AM
Some have batteries and wireless connections and some do not.
Why do we have zipcodes?
jonnyb
10-21-2009, 07:36 PM
So you can secretly do up your zipper in public....
When will it end?
Nikita
10-21-2009, 09:35 PM
As soon as you begin to care.
What comes after go-go gadget?
jonnyb
10-21-2009, 10:17 PM
...face grinder.
What would happen if brain ever went on strike?
Nikita
10-21-2009, 10:24 PM
little brainless dude would get herpes
How do you know if the schwartz is with you?
jonnyb
10-21-2009, 10:45 PM
A cold chill down your spine would be highly indicative.
Why would I want to scan someone's neck for Dr Parsons if the person has no neck pain?
Nikita
10-21-2009, 10:47 PM
because that person may not be a person at all, but an evil alien sent to inhabit dr. parsons' body...this way he puts you in the line of fire, instead
What oath do doctors take upon licensure?
jonnyb
10-22-2009, 08:41 AM
The cover your ass flowchart principles oath.
When was the last time a doctor practiced real medicine?
dnyitray
10-22-2009, 05:43 PM
When he/she drilled holes in his/her patients head using primitive tools.
Who built the pyramids?
jonnyb
10-22-2009, 06:46 PM
The reptile people built them 1000 years into the future from now in a time warp manner that we will think they are getting older instead of getting newer.
What if the Earth all of a sudden stopped turning?
Seriously
10-22-2009, 07:56 PM
It already did several years ago. No one noticed because they were to busy worrying about global warming.
What do you get when you cross a polar bear with an elephant?
jonnyb
10-22-2009, 09:23 PM
An incompatable anomaly that the rt wing republicans decree as the whore of the Earth and take expedient measures to further sink the US in deficit spending to rid the planet of such a creature.
What if the moon began a collision course with the Earth?
Cats and dogs would live together.
What is the best wood to burn?
dnyitray
10-24-2009, 07:52 AM
wood y allen.
Why does grandma have to live over the river and through the woods?
jonnyb
10-24-2009, 08:59 AM
That's where it's easier for the big bad wolf to visit her.
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what lives over the rainbow?
A green leprechaun, a pink unichaun and a flowerpot of ch(r)aunic worth twenty times its weight in gold depending upon how the market flucts you over-- any of which will give you chauncer.
What exactly do whales sing of?
Nikita
10-26-2009, 10:41 PM
The End of Days
Why do penguins waddle?
jonnyb
10-27-2009, 07:19 AM
You would too it you wet your pants.
If a person had 2 bladders, could they hold twice as much pee?
If someone changes their switch from being pissed off to pissed on.
Is it incestuous for hermaphrodites to have sexual intercourse w/ themselves?
jonnyb
10-28-2009, 09:24 PM
Only if they don't pretend they are someone else.
Is it always a bad thing for an uncle to have baths with his nieces?
Nikita
10-29-2009, 05:58 AM
Only if he isn't the President.
What's a kiester?
jonnyb
10-30-2009, 12:53 AM
The main dish a can of whoop ass is added to for best results.
Why must I have flanel sheets?
Nikita
10-31-2009, 04:23 AM
because they help to regulate the flow of iron in your blood
How is pricing of cars determined?
jonnyb
10-31-2009, 08:27 AM
The sqaure of the weight to power ratio.
How much candy will I get tonight?
dnyitray
10-31-2009, 07:57 PM
Depends on how much you pay her.
When does it end?
jonnyb
10-31-2009, 11:36 PM
It never ends. It keeps going on forever just how the song goes.
If I stare at a black, will it hurt my eye?
Nikita
11-01-2009, 01:53 AM
only if the roulette wheel stops spinning
What is the most ghoulish scene possible?
jonnyb
11-02-2009, 08:58 PM
A real chainsaw guy with unbeknownst patrons at the end of a haunted house.
Hows the best way to sharpen a chainsaw?
Nikita
11-02-2009, 11:42 PM
with your teeth, but make sure it's turned on full blast, first
What does blood smell like?
jonnyb
11-02-2009, 11:52 PM
You'll soon find out when I get that shainsaw started.
Which atery is the worse one to cut?
Nikita
11-03-2009, 12:26 AM
the one connected to the clitoris
How do vampires mate?
jonnyb
11-03-2009, 06:17 AM
With crucifix shaped strap ons.
What's the difference between harlots and harems?
Nikita
11-05-2009, 12:16 AM
where you put the cinnamon sticks
What do you get when you pass GO?
themuzicman
11-05-2009, 06:56 AM
A doctor's note excusing you from work for a week.
Where is your pancreas?
Aristarce
11-05-2009, 03:48 PM
On the Edgware road.
Why do birds fly?
Synchronicity
11-05-2009, 03:50 PM
Because they signed a non-compete clause with fish.
Why do people drop coins into wells, fountains, etc?
dnyitray
11-05-2009, 04:44 PM
Money laundering.
How does one quit smoking?
Aristarce
11-05-2009, 05:29 PM
A good fire extinguisher usually does the trick.
How do you splice a mainbrace?
Cooper
11-05-2009, 05:36 PM
With a double shot of scotch...
How do you find TDC on a 1965 FJ 40?
jonnyb
11-05-2009, 07:23 PM
Look it up in the 2009 STD identification handbook.
Are you trying to tell us something?
Aristarce
11-05-2009, 07:41 PM
Yes we are and the good news is it can ,mostly, be cured.
why are so many lighthouses heavy?
Nikita
11-05-2009, 10:11 PM
because the headlight is on top and the neck isn't made to support it, after all, the spine provides reinforcement when the headlights are put on the front
What is Kismet?
Aristarce
11-06-2009, 09:59 AM
A crunchy candy first popularized in South Carolina. Now associated with rapid tooth decay.
Is a road also a street?
Hjordis
11-06-2009, 03:52 PM
Only when a hippo is crossing it.
What is the square root of 144?
Synchronicity
11-06-2009, 04:19 PM
11 squared is 144, but only for very large values of 11.
What's the difference between a dictionary and an encyclopedia?
Aristarce
11-06-2009, 06:34 PM
About 63 inches.
Should we paint Stonehenge and why?
Nikita
11-06-2009, 08:41 PM
You should paint the columns with alternating zebra stripes and tiger stripes so they will better blend in with their surroundings.
Why was the Great Pyramid built?
jonnyb
11-06-2009, 08:54 PM
For the sole purpose to illicit your question.
How do I get rid of my headache?
Nikita
11-06-2009, 09:04 PM
listen to Screamo as you guzzle Absynthe-Everclear cocktails
How are Supreme Court Justices chosen?
jonnyb
11-06-2009, 10:13 PM
^Hmmmmm, Those cocktails sound good. Just as long as the Absinthe is authentic wormwood......
Supreme court justices get chosen by the presidents special withch doctor who seemingly raises the justice from political death.......kind of like zombification.
Who would really ever care?
Aristarce
11-07-2009, 04:59 AM
Roger Daltrey.
Why do they NEVER supersize soap?
MrWho100
11-07-2009, 09:00 AM
You can't HANDLE the soap!
Why do mechanical pencils suck to chew on?
ReasoningMind
11-08-2009, 01:06 PM
Because they are supposed to be swallowed without chewing, like a pill.
Why do we have fingernails?
Aristarce
11-08-2009, 01:31 PM
So that our toenails don't feel lonely.
Why worry about the future?
To forget the past.
How do you go back to the future?
jonnyb
11-10-2009, 09:59 AM
You must watch the documentary from the 1980's with Michael Fox. It will give ou all you need to know.
What is the difference between high fructose corn syrup and corn syrup?
dnyitray
11-10-2009, 05:20 PM
octane content and price.
Why do cars have 4 wheels (mostly).
Stratego
11-10-2009, 05:23 PM
Natural Selection...
What's an opposable thumb good for, anyway?
jonnyb
11-10-2009, 06:28 PM
Only animals with opposable thumbs have the ability to strangle another with bare hands.
Is it all worth it? How?
Aristarce
11-10-2009, 06:31 PM
Information technology is always worthwhile. Usually with cheese.
Is Belgium real or a mirage?
Anreader
11-10-2009, 09:08 PM
Belgium is a mirage caused by inadequate supplies of french fries.
What is an imagination?
jonnyb
11-10-2009, 09:30 PM
Something the people whom I work with have none of.
What would the result be if hornets mated with hummingbirds?
Anreader
11-12-2009, 03:44 PM
A really bad sports team?
Where are all the good men?
jonnyb
11-12-2009, 08:46 PM
Hiding under all the big rocks. Just go roll one over.
Why can't I walk down the city street while drinking a beer without getting harrased by the pigs?
Jonathan Brewer
11-13-2009, 06:15 PM
Because sheep tend to stay in the pasture.
Why is a sinus/respiratory infection that causes fever referred to as "a cold"? :huh:
Nikita
11-16-2009, 12:42 AM
Because the cure is a fire bath which makes the previous state of being seem "cold" by comparison.
How do you gauge interest?
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