I'm So Bored; Please Amuse Me - The Wrong Answer Game

[escapist11]

Actually, they don't. They just go for the hot nuts and hot dogs.

Do you like grilled cheese sandwiches?

[nowt]

I love putting cheese between two other slices of cheese, and then grilling it.

The Flying Spaghetti Monster: What does it poop?

[jonnyb]

hameesewichs

Where's a good place to dry my boots?

[escapist11]

Down the street 3 blocks and to the left. There's a little bucket that says 'OH NOEZ'. Put them next to that.

This is page 438, correct?!

[jonnyb]

Damn dyslexic, that's todays date.

Do you have a good enough imagination to spell one word different ways?

[escapist11]

No, but people who talk/type in 'text speak' can.

Do you like Post-Its?

[jonnyb]

Yes! Pos-tits are great. I can go for a pair every day.

Do your eyes change color?

[CatalystAK]

No, because I don't have eyes.

Why are couches soft and cushy?

[nowt]

Couches are but the vaginas of whales turned inside-out.

Why does E=mc^2?

[simoncpu]

The Q Continuum has the power to affect universal constants, including the value of E.

Why am I so hot?

[nowt]

Your CPU has but the one fan.

What is the most virtuous vice?

[jonnyb]

The C-clamp.

Why do I get slivers?

[Necrosis]

Because you enjoy playing with broken things.

Why is it warm at the equator?

[jonnyb]

because that is where all the palm trees are at.

How much poop can a person poop in a lifetime?

[aok]

It gives them an excuse to chew tobacco.


Why do people who don't like reality shows always defend their answer by claiming they aren't real, then go watch fantasy shows?

[escapist11]

They just want an excuse to eat some fried chicken is all.

Why do they say that 'lights will guide you home'?

[CatalystAK]

Because lights is a euphemism for sex.

Why do camera's take pictures?

[thatfox]

Because picture waves are polarized in just the right way to be attracted to cameras. When they mate the picture is the result.

Why do some people have talents that others do not?

[CatalystAK]

That's malarkey, nobody has talents.

Does everyone have a facebook page?

[themuzicman]

Yes, but most just don't know it yet.

Why is there myspace AND facebook?

[CatalystAK]

So that you can combine them and make "facemybookspace", the newest social networking site!

Are you feeling lucky punk?

[themuzicman]

Not particularly, but I do ahve a lottery ticket.

Why do women tend to be more 'F' then 'T'?

[Necrosis]

Because women like to be "felt" on not "touched"... duh

Why can't pigs fly?

[escapist11]

Because penguins can't either.
:(

Why is a calculator a calculator?

[Necrosis]

Because it's not a pencil.

Why do people work?

[themuzicman]

Keeps them from being bored and having sex all the time.

Why is INTJf blue?

[jonnyb]

Cause it's cool man! Just like labrador dude.

Where do all the landfills go?

[CatalystAK]

Why, they go to the moon, duh!

Why do you put a jacket on when its cold out?

[TravelnTrain]

To keep the jacket from getting sick.

How can someone so wrong feel so right???

[jonnyb]

Exlax.

Whats so auto-erotic about asphyxiation?

[nowt]

The kinkiness which occurs when the fuel flow is low.

How high shall the roofbeams be raised?

[escapist11]

It all depends on how low you can go.


Polly want a cracker?

[nowt]

Polly wants a crackwhore.

Baby got back?

[escapist11]

I want my baby back, baby back, baby back, baby back, baby back, baby back ribs.



dont u h8 txt spk?

[jonnyb]

Jst anthr wy 2 xpres urslf.

How is the best way to weld stainless steel?

[escapist11]

Obviously NOT the way the twin towers were...look at what happened 8 years ago to the day.



What's up, Chuck?

[jonnyb]

Spent beer, pizza chunks, oh oh , I think I spy some regergitated ramen noodles.

What's so special about wisdom teeth anyways!?

[Nikita]

they store cyanide


Who's the Queen of Hearts?

[jonnyb]

She's both Cinderella's Mother and Cousin. It's kind of a Wesr Virginia thing.

Beer on cereal...ever thought of it?

[nowt]

Beerios? ...and having confessed to that sin, I've said my Hail Mary's and have had my shock treatments.

How long do you want to live?

[Necrosis]

Until zebras dont have stripes.

If you could fly where would you fly too?

[jonnyb]

Into the sky, so very high!

Can anyone take a decent skull x-ray that isn't clipped, isn't rotated and then cone it down a little?

[themuzicman]

I do know a guy... but you'll have to pay in cash...

Where should I go for relationship advice?

[Necrosis]

hmm... I would call Jerry Springer. I got his cell # if u want it.

When should I take my lunch break?

[themuzicman]

After work.

When is lunch?

[nowt]

Any Central American truckstop.

Where should I go for relationship advice?





nowt added to this post, 0 minutes and 46 seconds later...

Fuck you fucks are fast.

[jonnyb]

Religious leaders are best! They are sooo open minded.

How can I chemically combine lead and water to make heavy water?

[paleoeco]

How can I chemically combine lead and water to make heavy water?

Use a Cuisinart food processor. Cuisinart has a special attachment which will pull grind up the lead and steal neutrons from it to add to the water.


Why does it burn when I PvP?

[jonnyb]

Too much taco sauce.

What is the shortest points between 2 lines?

[themuzicman]

The genitalia of Michael Vick and Tony Romo.

Should I drink Soda or water, and why?

[jonnyb]

Neither! Always go for milk and support your local dairy farmer!

What would happen if Batman and Wonder Woman had a child?

[themuzicman]

IT would be a wonder bat.

What if aquaman and storm had a child?

[jonnyb]

It would be a Transgendered Typhoon.

What happens to the poor castratos in the next life?

[themuzicman]

They become fashion designers.

What happens to mafia dons in the next life?

[CatalystAK]

They join this forum! You've just got to make them an offer they can't refuse;)

Why do the leaves turn yellow in the fall?

[themuzicman]

They lose their courage in the cold weather.

Why does snow fall when it's cold?

[escapist11]

They had ramen noodles before this event.

Why is it likely that there's going to be an addition request?

[CatalystAK]

Because additions enjoy ramen noodles just like snow.

Why do we use pillows?

[themuzicman]

Because we like to slaughter water foul.

Why was haiku created?

[escapist11]

Because byeku was already taken.

Why does your milkshake bring all the boys to the yard?

[themuzicman]

Because I make mind with Puerto Rican rum, and they're all underaged.

What is the point of a game room on an internet forum anyway?

[hubcap]

Einsteins Theory of Relativity was developed in a game room on an internet forum.

Whats another name for Ramen Noodles?

[themuzicman]

Usoaka Een MSG

Why are there many languages?

[escapist11]

To piss off the white man.

What kind of sandwich is it?

[hubcap]

Pizza and iced tea.

Why do stars twinkle?

[themuzicman]

To show off.

Why is England different than the UK?

[hubcap]

Because it's near France.

Who said Give me Liberace or give me death?

[TravelnTrain]

Ryan Seacrest

Why was Ellen chosen to be the new Idol judge?

[Squirelznflight]

Because clearly she has mad dancing skills and can therefore judge a singing competition.

What is the best chemical element?

[hubcap]

E=MC^2

Where IS Waldo?

[escapist11]

In the hotbox.

Dude, where's my car?

[hubcap]

You don't have a car.

What's a dollar worth?

[CatalystAK]

Well I know a guy who knows a guy who could get you a lot for a dollar.

What should I do with a shovel?

[escapist11]

Use it to bury itself.

Can I please have a sugar cookie?

[hubcap]

Don't feed the penguins.

How tall are you?

[escapist11]

Not tall enough.

How short are you?

[hubcap]

Too much.

How far is it over there?

[Necrosis]

too close....

How hot is it over there?

[hubcap]

Black and white and red all over.

How much wood would a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood?

[jonnyb]

Woodchucks just chug beer anymore.

How bad is it to get medieval?

[TravelnTrain]

About as bad as losing your head.

Why did some of the Founding Fathers wear wigs?

[themuzicman]

They were members of the whig party, of course!

Why is TiT's picture smiling?

[TravelnTrain]

It's TnT and I just got back from a sex club.

Why are most men pigs?

[themuzicman]

Because most women are cows.

If it's TnT, then why is the 'I' capitalized?

[TravelnTrain]

*hands TMZ reading glasses* It's an "O," silly.

Why are so many high school graduates unable to read well?

[themuzicman]

Reading isn't one of the three 'R's... (ever wonder about that?)

How many people should wear glasses that don't?

[TravelnTrain]

Having trouble reading the questions...errr...Lots!

Why do people procrastinate?

[themuzicman]

Dunno.. I'll think about that later.

Where is Waldo's mother?

[TravelnTrain]

Warehouse 13

Why is it now fashionable for guys to be slightly overweight?

[themuzicman]

So women don't feel self-conscious about only being 10 pounds underweight. (Or the extra weight gives a little extra punch during sex...)

So, do you think I'm fashionable, now?

[jonnyb]

Not yet. You still have to light yourself on fire!

What is copremesis? Have you ever had it?

[escapist11]

It's laziness to look up words I've never heard of, is what that words means to me.

Where does the rain come from?


EDIT:
Ok so I actually looked it up. That's pretty gross. I hope that never happens to me.

[jonnyb]

Condensed urine.

where do children come from?

[Necrosis]

They come from outerspace.

Where do aliens come from?

[escapist11]

Spaghetti pots.

What's the maximum number of minutes you can burn onto a CD-R?

[Necrosis]

1 - Anti piracy laws sry

How far away is the moon?

[CatalystAK]

It's roughly 3 cheeseburgers and an order of fries laid end to end away. Or, to put it into an equation (3xB-C)-(1F+E-E)=M-S

What is the purpose of "thread counts" in sheets?

[escapist11]

The sheets have their own forums too.


Who thought of wearing pants?

[limbo]

Pants makers.

How do you get a square peg in a round hole?

[Necrosis]

Get a really big round hole.

How do you learn to ride a bike?

[CatalystAK]

Simple, first you master flying a 747 and then you work up to a bike, the instruction manuals are basically the same.

Why do you ride a bike?

[jonnyb]

Cause It is the only thing I can affix my flux capacitor too.

Why do noses run when feet stink?

[escapist11]

They both eat garlic.


Why are index cards so retarded?

[CatalystAK]

Because Sticky-notes always pick on them.

Why can't we see gamma rays?

[jonnyb]

Because they can see you.

Why do people uphold the unhealthy?

[WoodElf4U]

Because sickly people are lighter.

Why do you sometimes feel like a nut, and sometimes you don't?

[escapist11]

Some people can't be nuts. They'd be allergic to themselves...and it's sad.
:(


Why are we allergic to everything?

[CatalystAK]

Because we all want to be in giant plastic bubbles.

Why do we have accents?

[escapist11]

To piss each other off when we don't understand each other.


Why can't we all just get along?

[WoodElf4U]

Because, he started it.

Do these jeans make me look fat?

[escapist11]

Llamas probably don't eat kosher pickles that often.


taa marbuuTa?

[CatalystAK]

Wabba Wabba Wabba...

Why do we play video games?

[jonnyb]

Friends don't let friends not play video games.

Why do I have to resort to siphoning gas out of others gas tanks?

[CatalystAK]

Because siphoning out of your own tank just doesn't work well.

Why is Amazon.com so awesome?

[jonnyb]

The Hovitos hang there with their poison dart blow gun things.

Why does there have to be a speed limit?

[Necrosis]

Because people need a baseline of what to go 50mph over.

Why can women carry babies but men can't?

[Nikita]

because men have fleas and the poison from flea bites at birth melts their uteruses


Why does it take 5 INTJs to screw in a light bulb?

[Necrosis]

Because we aren't screwing in any ordinary light bulb but screwing in the one we created that lights up the entire world but secretly makes everyone not an INTJ our slaves.

Why do cops carry guns?

[escapist11]

Because they don't carry funs.


Why is a heater actually called a heater?

[jonnyb]

Cause it gets you hotter.

Where can I get a silencer for my knife?

[Necrosis]

At the same place you get one for your gun.

Why do we have two hands and two feet but only one head?

[jonnyb]

Maybe you only have one head.........

Why would the lady I scanned last night break off the heads of barbie dolls and eat them?

[escapist11]

She's actually a prehistoric dinosaur. Rawr.


Short skirt, long jacket?

[themuzicman]

All I care about is how they look on the floor.

Why ask why?

[Necrosis]

Because it comes before Z and after X.

Who invented the alphabet?

[themuzicman]

The Grammar Nazi

Why do I get meaningless emails at work?

[hubcap]

It's a conspiracy perpertrated by the Illuminati to flood your email inbox with an infinite number of emails.

Who invented the concept of zero?

[Necrosis]

grr u guys are fast...

A group of people called the Nothings did.

Why do I never get enough sleep at night?

[hubcap]

Because you are a hootowl.

Who is going to win the World Series?

[themuzicman]

the Lions.

What is in store for page 357?

[jonnyb]

A 44 mag between the icons.

When will we be able to legally smoke cubar cigars?

[themuzicman]

When you go to Cuba.

Why is the color blue popular?

[Necrosis]

Because it's not red.

Who invented televisions?

[themuzicman]

Al Gore Sr.

Why is the internet taking over?

[hubcap]

Fewer commercials.

Who is Al Gore Sr.?

[Necrosis]

Al Gore Jr's daughter.

Who is the president of the US?

[jonnyb]

There aren't presidents any more, only Emporers.

why couldn't the ten key and the telephone keys be set up in the same format?

[hubcap]

They are if you're dyslexic.

Why do dogs chase cars?

[jonnyb]

because they can

Why can't there be a 'kill a person without any consequnce card' in life....

[escapist11]

We don't live in Monopoly world...and if we do, I want to be the 'dog' token.


Cucumber or pickle?

[hubcap]

Popsicle

Who is taller, Bert or Ernie?

[escapist11]

Big bird.


Dancing is like prancing but not like pants-ing, right?

[jonnyb]

Only in your dreams.

Why does everything taste like chicken?

[hubcap]

Because chickens don't have lips.

Why don't chickens have lips?

[jonnyb]

They didn't listen to their mothers and kept biting their lips until they were gone.

Why can't carpets really fly?

[Necrosis]

Because Aladdin isn't real.

Why can't I find a real genie?

[limbo]

Because it takes one to know one.

Why is sea water cold?

[escapist11]

It's all because of love. It's out of love.



Can I stop calling trash bags 'trash bags' and start calling them 'bash trags'?

[Necrosis]

Only if you can call bags of trash trags of bash.

What's the opposite of down?

[themuzicman]

Sheet.

Why do you do that in that way?

[limbo]

To annoy you.

How do you make a table?

[themuzicman]

You talk to the chairs and tablecloth and force them to tell you who the table is.

Why is firefox better than IE?

[escapist11]

The logo is cooler.


Is Ohio REALLY for lovers?

[themuzicman]

Lovers of bad football, I guess.

Why do people live in WashingtoN DC?

[escapist11]

They don't want to belong to one of the 50 states.


Why would you fail a polygraph test?

[hubcap]

You forgot to study.

How can I divide by zero?

[Necrosis]

You multiply.

Why is alaska so far?

[hubcap]

It's not if you're in Canada.

Can you swim to Hawaii?

[themuzicman]

Sure. It's just water.

Why do they ahve 1.6 gallon toilets in Michigan?

[hubcap]

Because they only need 2 gallons to flush.

Why don't they have 1.6 gallon toilets in New Mexico?

[Stratego]

You don't need a lot of water to flush away the "afters" of Mexican food. It sort of flushes itself, if you know what I mean.

Why is Mexican food so spicy?

[escapist11]

It's the bacteria.


Why do most flowers smell good?

[jonnyb]

Cause most plants takes care to keep their reproductive organs clean and fresh.


Is it possible to breed a type of cow that gives beer instead of milk?

[escapist11]

Yea. Cross him with a hop-ping rabbit.

Do you really love cheese?

[nowt]

I love cheese like it's an episode of Three's Company, and I'm the theme song.

Isn't that convenient?

[hubcap]

Actually no, it presents all manner of problems.

Who is going to be the next American Idol?

[SelfMadeBum]

Whoever dies next.

Why are squares so pointy?

[hubcap]

Because they want to be triangles.

Why aren't squares round?

[SelfMadeBum]

Cuz they don't want to be tables when they grow up and they don't like Knights.

Why is it so hot in summer?

[hubcap]

Because the days are longer.

Why is it cold in the winter?

[SelfMadeBum]

Cuz I hoard all the heat.

Why are chipmunks' cheeks so big?

[Stratego]

That's not cheek, that's chew. Chipmunks love 'em some tabacky.

Why do Squirrels have a bushy tail?

[themuzicman]

They're blue blood republicans.

What color will the next president be?

[hubcap]

Black and white and red all over.

What's a democrat?

[themuzicman]

Someone who thinks your wallet is a playground (Oh, is this the wrong answers thread?)

Why doesn't anyone use the reply button anymroe?

[hubcap]

It's easier to do it this way.

What are your plans for the weekend?

[Necrosis]

I'm going to fly to the moon tonight and hopfully arrive back home sunday evening.

Who's your favorite model?

[themuzicman]

Ken.

What's the magic word?

[Necrosis]

Love.

What prize did I win?

[themuzicman]

You get a country song played backwards.

What did you get?

[hubcap]

Poison Ivy.

What day of the month is it?

[themuzicman]

Pump day.

Which soda is best?

[hubcap]

Baking soda.

Which is better baseball or soccer?

[music221]

Rugby.

What alcohol is made from sugarcane?

[themuzicman]

Oh, I much prefer to watch 9 minutes of action in a 3 1/2 hour game.

(doh) Both give you a buzz

Why is a larger computer screen better?

[hubcap]

Its more user friendly for blind people.

Why is Windows better than Mac?

[themuzicman]

Because getting a virus is the spice of life.

What website will you visit when you are done posting here for the day?

[hubcap]

easytogetlaid.com

Same question.

[themuzicman]

To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 15 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.

Which email provider is most reliable and why?

[hubcap]

USPS

Why do you care?

[themuzicman]

I need to send an email to my dead grandmother.

Which water tastes best?

[hubcap]

Sewer water.

Why do you want to drink sewer water?

[jonnyb]

It has vitamins and minerals you can't find anywhere else!

Did she really say that?

[themuzicman]

If it makes her look good, then yes.. if not, then no... (if a man is alone in the woods and speaks....)

How do women know when you're lying?

[hubcap]

They assume you're lying about everything.

Who is the greatest?

[jonnyb]

Boy George

Why is Ramen so addicting?

[hubcap]

Because the Ramen family who makes Ramen puts special ingredients in it.

Who is the leastest?

[jonnyb]

George Bush

Why is alcohol so fun to drink?

[hubcap]

Cause if you drink enough of it you think all the ugly girls are pretty and you think they all want you.

Which is better Texas or New York?

[TravelnTrain]

Canada

Best Canadian city?

[jonnyb]

Are you kidding....Alaska.

how come dumb people continue to populate the Earth?

[hubcap]

Because Darwin was wrong.

How many dumb people are on the Earth?

[themuzicman]

Let's see 6.5B people... 1% INTJ...

Why is there a multi-quote feature?

[hubcap]

It's for people who stutter.

Who's going to win the big game this weekend?

[music221]

The Penguins.

What's wrong with today's society in the U.S.?

[hubcap]

Too social.

How much is too much?

[Stratego]

A pinch more than a tad but lot less than a smidge.

Why do we have so many adjectives for the same thing?

[hubcap]

Because some people are dyslexic.

Why do we have many nouns for the same thing?

[themuzicman]

So we can all be renowned

Is this thread more fun than the corrupted wish thread?

[hubcap]

This thread is more corrupted than the corrupted wish thread.

Is this going to be the best thread ever?

[themuzicman]

Absolutely.

What thread could be better?

[hubcap]

The Mostest Amazingest Thread of All Time could be better.

Does that thread exist in this dimension?

[themuzicman]

I forget which dimension I'm in right now...

What dimension am I in?

[hubcap]

You are in the Twilight Zone

How do you like it there?

[themuzicman]

The stars are pretty.

How did I get here?

[hubcap]

Scotty beamed you up?

What's Scotty doing now?

[themuzicman]

Tddryin to mik des dihithium cccrysles wirk in the chamba, captin.

Why did we like that show?

[hubcap]

What were the alternatives back then?

What's your favorite show now?

[themuzicman]

Ever since the HD switch and we moved, I don't have access to TV. Mostly I watched sports when we had DirecTV

Same Q

[hubcap]

House.

Favorite professional sport?

[themuzicman]

Lawn bowling

Same Q

[hubcap]

Presently - NHRA drag racing

WAIT - This is the WRONG ANSWER thread..........

Am I in the twilight zone also?

[themuzicman]

No, you're in the 5th dimension, as evidence by your see through clothing.

Do you like it there?

[hubcap]

Not as well as the 6th Dimension.

Where is the 7th Dimension?

[themuzicman]

Hollywood.

What dimension is timet ravel?

[hubcap]

Its about 4:45

What time is supper?

[themuzicman]

When the smoke alarm goes off.

Same Q

[hubcap]

Its about 10 hours before breakfast.

What's for supper?

[jonnyb]

Your wife really got into the Martha stewart cannibalism special today. I mean, really got some new ideas and even the motivation to cook. You just might want to make sure all your kids are accounted for before dinner.

What would happen if we all had a party and Martha Stewart was the main course....I mean, guest of honor?

[Stratego]

That's easy: indigestion. :laugh:

What's the best cure for a rumbly tummy?

[Necrosis]

Eat a porcupine.

What kind of bagel should I eat for breakfast?

[themuzicman]

The one in the Yankee's final score box.

Why do sodas come in 20oz?

[jonnyb]

Cause 20 divides into 10. It's all part of the communist's subtle push to get us all on the metric system.

Why isn't it possible to grow a true black rose?

[hubcap]

That post smacks of racism.

Why isn't Bill Clinton's face on Mt Rushmore?

[jonnyb]

Cause there's not enough rock for his accompanying....um....cigar.

How can the eyeball in the triangle on back of the dollar really see me?

[hubcap]

It's Big Brother's way of keeping an eye on you.

Why is Benjamin Franklins' picture on the $100 bill?

[jonnyb]

The government has Franklin there with his lucky key to ground out the lightning bolts that fly out of peoples' asses.

Why is all the music on the radio so generic?

[escapist11]

Because 'the man' transformed into a computery digital robot who can't think for itself but likes to suck the money out of everyone instead.
:(

Why are puppies not called kitties?

[jonnyb]

For the same reason cat food is called meow mix and there is no such thing as woof mix.

What would happen if everyone in the world flushed their toilets at the same time?

[Charly]

You break the internet, and all the planes fall out of the sky like stones. Pretty much the same as what happened on Y2k.

if Kanye West was at your house right now, what sort of beverage would he be drinking?

[jonnyb]

He'd be drinking one of my special mixed everclear special cause that's all he'd get.

Haave you ever eaten dog/cat food?

[Charly]

I really enjoyed District 9 too. and hell yes. It's great.

Where do you find the inspiration for your questions in this thread?

[jonnyb]

I pull them from random crevasses.

So, how long would someone fall in a bottomless pit?

[Charly]

You can't measure it in terms of time. It must be measured in Fathoms. It is the same number of Fathoms as a piece of string.

If a chicken sandwich has no bread how is that possible?

[jonnyb]

Ahhhh, the magic and mystique behind modern convieniences.

Where can I get a new set of piston return springs for my car?

[Nikita]

Hooters, just ask for Bambie


Why does a vertical traffic light progress from green to yellow to red from the bottom up?

[MrWho100]

God said so.

Why are pencils yellow?

[jonnyb]

They are all scared and seem to drop their lead at the slightest rub.

What did Sally do whith all the seashells she collected by the seashore?

[themuzicman]

Ground them up and sold them as a "natural solution to male enhancement"

What would a wood chuck do with chucked wood?

[Necrosis]

It would chuck the wood to the side.

Why don't people have tails?