I'm So Bored; Please Amuse Me - The Wrong Answer Game

[themuzicman]

It's expensive to fix a car...

What's the difference between cable and satellite?

[Seriously]

Because there are subliminal messages embedded in certain movies. ie cable is better than satellite. They want to reach as many people as possible so they re-play them.


Where do fruit flies come from?

[themuzicman]

Fruit fly sex

What's the worst insect?

[Stratego]

Yo Mama!

(oh wait...insect and not insult...)

;)

Why do Bees make honey?

[themuzicman]

Every species that reproduces makes honey, honey... ;)

Why do crickets chirp?

[Stratego]

It's not actually "chirping" but farting--it's a throwback to Victorian times when bodily functions, even amongst the insect life, were an embarassment to the sensibilities.

Why do men grow beards?

[themuzicman]

Because we CAN :)

Why don't women grow mustaches?

[Stratego]

Because we CAN'T

*shudder*

Why does stubble tickle?

[themuzicman]

So men can disconcert women while kissing them.

Why do we have 1 big toe per foot?

[Stratego]

'Cause it only takes one toe to test if the water is cold.

What causes hypothermia?

[themuzicman]

When you get too excited about what you brought to drink for lunch.

What is a great lake?

[Stratego]

A lake that could have been fantabulicious, but missed the question on why school children cannot find many countries on a map.

If a tree falls in a forest, and there's no one around to hear it fall, does it make a sound?

[themuzicman]

How do you know it fell?

What's the biggest land mammal?

[Stratego]

The Snuffaluffagusi...

What's the world's largest country?

[themuzicman]

The USA, of course.

Where can I find good advice on dating?

[Stratego]

From the seminal (heh) masterpiece, Act like Fabio, Think like Hannibal Lector.

What is semen made of?

[themuzicman]

People who make big ships go.

Where is the best romantic setting?

[Stratego]

In the frozen food section, right in front of the Hagen Daz...RrrTo view links or images in this forum your post count must be 15 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
What makes ice cream so yummy?

[themuzicman]

Artificial flavoring....

What is yellow #5?

[Boyd]

Channel #5 for people with synaesthesia.

When can I go home?

[themuzicman]

You can never go home.

What is home?

[Boyd]

The base after third.

What happens if you microwave neon?

[themuzicman]

you go plaid...

Who is the best comedian in the world?

[MikeAZ]

when cats get catnip

What is the easiest way to make your boss laugh?

[Stratego]

Ask for a raise!

What's a belly laugh?

[MikeAZ]

When you land flat on your front in the water.

Whats the best part of Mariokart?

[themuzicman]

Turning it off.

What is the best color to paint a bedroom

[aok]

Paisley.


What is the difference between fat and phat?

[themuzicman]

One can rap.

How do you find a good spouse?

[Stratego]

Paw through all of the on them rack, do the squeeze and sniff test for freshness and ripeness, avoid any with questionable spots.

What causes warts?

[Seriously]

Toads. Ask any princess.


How do seedless watermelons reproduce?

[Stratego]

They can't, but they sure have fun tryin' ;)

Why are tomatoes fruits?

[themuzicman]

Because they're not all there.

Are dates fruits or nuts?

[Seriously]

They prefer to be called bi-vegi. And it's genetic.

TMM beat me again. :p

Are dates fruits or nuts?

It depends on if they are male or female dates though this isn't conclusive. Most of the males are nuts and female are fruits...but there have been a few male fruits and females that are totally nuts. You just have to ask really.



There is no straw in strawberries so why do we call them that?

[themuzicman]

There used to be, but they were genetically enginieered to not have them anymore

Why do we drive on parkways and park on driveways?

[nowt]

Elision. You drive away from the drive-away; park away from the park-away.

o~/M\~o ?

[MikeAZ]

600 VAC circuit breaker.

If a man could be two places at one time why would I be with you?

[nowt]

Guilt.

What don't you think?

[delilah]

About you.

What happens after we die?

[nowt]

We laugh and laugh, with Death itself.

Would your ventriloquist dummy look like you?

[MrWho100]

No, anything that looks like me immediately gets stabbed, so it would soon be unrecognizable.

Why isn't there more micro-tonal music in the world?

[MikeAZ]

Short people are not good at music.


Why do people give money to vending machines?

[delilah]

For the kittens.

Why?

[nowt]

Wrong.

?

[delilah]

0 1 1 1 1 0 1 0 1 0

Hexidecimal or Octal?

[MikeAZ]

Calamari!

Frozen or on the rocks?

[themuzicman]

On the rocks.

What do you tip the pizza guy?

[Seriously]

Depends on what the stock market is doing. Sometimes I also give relationship tips.



What does it mean if a man has big feet?

[themuzicman]

It means he's a real sweet guy. (size 13, thanks)

Does hair color affect personality?

[Seriously]

Yes. Blondes are smart. Redheads are good tempered. Brunettes are silly.


What do you get when you cross a cat and dog?

[themuzicman]

A wedding.

What does a 400lb gorilla eat for lunch?

[Kiwi]

A 300lb gorilla.

Why is red paint more expensive than the other colors?

[Synapse]

Because red is more valuable, duh!

Why is gold lustrous?

[nowt]

Factory coating of the greed squeezed from rat eyes.

What's the ugliest prettiest sound?

[TravelnTrain]

"You've got mail."

Why do people use Twitter?

[delilah]

because they don't need constant gratification from others, even on a small easily manipulated scale.

Who are you?

[nowt]

A devolved ESFP.

How many angels, on the head of a pin?

[delilah]

How many pins, on the head of an angel.

What good is the truth?

[nowt]

As if.

What makes you gag, to think of it?

[delilah]

Nothing. Everything I think of sits well with me.

How long, before you can't anymore?

[nowt]

Whenever I meet the right kind of shouldn't.

You have two internet memes: What are they?

[Nikita]

Tom and Jerry


Why are cats' tongues scratchy?

[nowt]

That's how the uncool shows itself: by being not-smooth.

What book is the Bible missing?

[delilah]

Which bible. They're all missing each other.

How long is too long?

[The Fury]

Too long is when you're in the presence of (please insert name of person you find annoying) for more than a minute.

[nowt]

Now.

What is undeniable?

[themuzicman]

36.

Where are your underwear?

[nowt]

MOMA.

Best place to apply a taser?

[themuzicman]

Men: crotch, women: breast

How much salt is too much?

[nowt]

When you shit white.

Word you wish existed?

[MrWho100]

Rigajamjam

Where did the internet come from?

[nowt]

LSD experiment gone awry.

Who stole the cookie from the cookie jar?

[themuzicman]

It was Mrs. white with the wrench in the kitchen

Who let the dogs out?

[nowt]

The catcher in the rye.

What is in that milkshake, that brings all the boys to the yard?

[themuzicman]

Mohito

How do I get you alone?

[nowt]

Cover me with nubile ESFPs.

If your epitaph were misspelled, what would it read?

[themuzicman]

epitaph

What do you think of paisleys?

[nowt]

Ah, the moire-mories.

Who should we contact, if you're hospitalised?

[themuzicman]

Stratego and Seriously

What do you think of my avatar?

[nowt]

Avatarded.

o.o?

[themuzicman]

You need a new prescription O.O

is there life after love?

[nowt]

Love -is- life! HAHA, eh.

May I sleep, now?

[themuzicman]

No.

Why do you wish to sleep?

[MikeAZ]

Because I was so tired

What doess typing look like?

[nowt]

ASL.

Wet or sideways?

[themuzicman]

Both.

Strong jaw or soft features?

[nowt]

Soft lips and strong pubococcygeus muscle.

Through or thru?

[themuzicman]

T4r0u64

Which online email is best?

[nowt]

Nigeria.

Ever see an accordion made from an armadillo?

[delilah]

Yes, and I play it. It's called the Accormadillion.

Who put the ram, in the llama ding dong?

[nowt]

Ramses.

Why should van Gogh be cloned?

[delilah]

To become a motivational speaker.

complete this:

I will let my hair grow long for your sake, I will wander through the wilderness in the skin of a _________.

[nowt]

Sun.

What would you think of, without imagination?

[athenian200]

What would you think of, without imagination?

Barney the Dinosaur.

What do you call a cat that's been used as a comb?

[nowt]

Useful.

The simplest way to enlightenment?

[aok]

darkness

What's your opinion on sarcasm?

[nowt]

Don't fall in.

How many times round the prickly pear, at five o'clock in the morning?

[gestalt]

Until it pricks you.

How many prickly peasants pontificate possums with aplomb at five in the P.M.?

[nowt]

Impartiially, probably one.

Truth or honesty?

[gestalt]

Ore.

Cloak and dagger?

[nowt]

Misdirection and a necktwist.

Favorite lottery numbers?

[gestalt]

♠♣♥♦

You?

[nowt]

1 2 4 10 20 30
or
3 1 41 59 26 53

How often do you piss outside?

[gestalt]

Never.

Is it true that you can use a pringles can for a directional antenna wireless booster?

[nowt]

I'm Jewish and it's not kosher.

Which forumite would you stalk, and why?

[gestalt]

Rudy b/c he has a kind face! (and noble brow)

You?

[nowt]

Yeah, I was afraid you'd play reverse. Hm.

Any supposed INTJ, if only to say I've seen another.

Or Rudy. For no good reason.

Longest winning streak, and at what game?

[TravelnTrain]

53. Life.

Why do people believe psychics?

[phej]

Because ESP is true.

Why is the night time sky dark?

[delilah]

God puts a big cloth over the sky.

How many fingers do you have?

[Seriously]

5 on each of my 3 hands.



How do you get blood stains out of carpet?

[phej]

I followed these instructions (To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 15 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.)

Why would you think that there are blood stains in my carpet?

[Seriously]

Because you obviously killed a man, just to see him die.





What color is air?

[phej]

Purple.

What time is it?

[Seriously]

I'm not sure what time it is, but I do know what time it isn't.




Why does a giraffe have such a long neck?

[The Fury]

Well few know this but it's because God got drunk one night, decided that zebras were kind of boring and so recreated a few of them into what are now called giraffes.

Why do you get wet when it rains?

[Kiwi]

If you didn't, the excess humidity caused by the clouds would cause your body temperature to rise uncontrollably until you melted.

Why do dogs bark?

[The Fury]

They don't, what you perceive as barking is actually an incredibly advanced alien language which is so sophisticated that our tiny brains can only understand it as a guttural noise.

Where have all the flowers gone?

[Nikita]

Check your pocket, the rings around the rosies are striking again!


What does it take to master the whole mind over matter myth?

[themuzicman]

The spoon doesn't exist.

What is ESPN?

[Seriously]

A hybrid Briggs Meyer type. Extrovert, Sensing, Planning, Nerd



Why doesn't tomorrow ever get here today?

[MrWho100]

You put it under too much pressure.

Why is the Internet so addictive?

[themuzicman]

The ISPs put heroine in the wires.

What's the biggest land mammal?

[MikeAZ]

Me before Jenny Craig.

What would cause more problems than racism?

[Charly]

David bowie from the 1986 movie labrynth with permed hair in my living room in front of the plasma refusing to move when I'm trying to watch the soft core pronography that is Saturday morning music videos eating dry cereal out of the box.

What is the ideal scent to dry the dishes to?

[themuzicman]

Landfill.

What brand of beer do you drink?

[MikeAZ]

Cheerio’s

What would you do if you got a raise at work?

[Nikita]

Quit and throw the money in their faces.


Is it just you or is that ice galloping?

[themuzicman]

It's me.

How far can you throw a potato?

[nowt]

Potato throws me.

What's the important thing, that is the obvious thing, that no one's talking about?

[Stratego]

Potato question:
A potato isn't "thrown" so much as the air pushes back against it. Fundamental law of gravity, you know. *taps forehead knowingly*

What's the important thing, that is the obvious thing, that no one's talking about?

Why, I can't believe you're even asking me about it. It's not like you don't know that I know that you know exactly what I'm talking about. IT. Duh.

What do they mean, what goes up must come down?

[themuzicman]

They're talking about the female relationship to the male penis

How hard can it be to change a tire?

[Stratego]

The first step is admitting that it wants to change.

Why are automechanics so greasy?

[nowt]

That's not so much grease, as it is a suit specifically made for deep engine exploration.

How about a nice game of chess?

[themuzicman]

You lose.

Where did you put your teeth?

[Stratego]

Under the welcome mat, but don't tell everybody.

Why do we knock on doors?

[nowt]

We like jokes.

Centipede who?

[themuzicman]

Jones.

Who's there?

[nowt]

Knock knock.

Where did I leave my lighter?

[themuzicman]

In the trash that the garbage man just picked up.

What's the story?

[nowt]

Cognizance perpetually creates false dichotomy. Thend.

Why is the cat so full of purrs?

[themuzicman]

That's how cats deal with gas.

Why is the lion king of the beasts?

[nowt]

They subscribe/d to Machiavelli's 'The Cat Prince'.

What music should you not suggest to me?

[themuzicman]

Industrial punk.

What do you see in my avatar?

[TravelnTrain]

Three separate savings accounts that really should be combined into one.

Has the US housing market final reached bottom?

[Seriously]

No. It is still holding it's breath and continuing to dive.


What makes my Greek yogurt Greek?

[TravelnTrain]

The label.

What is the secret ingredient that makes Activa help digestion?

[Seriously]

unicorn milk. Now you know why they keep it a secret. PETA would have a fit if they knew unicorns were being held captive and milked.


Why does asparagus make your pee smell funny?

[TravelnTrain]

Green Stalk Syndrome, or GSS.

How can one remove the smell of cat urine from carpet?

[Seriously]

Seriously? Get new carpet.


Why are toenails harder than fingernails?

[TravelnTrain]

Because all the protein settles in your feet.

Why doesn't arm hair on men continue to grow longer?

[Kiwi]

In order to save enough hair for it to grow out of their ears and noses.

Why do we play this game?

[Seriously]

Because they pay you a dollar for every wrong answer you give.



What happens when the light goes out in the fridge?

[TravelnTrain]

The science experiment gremlins conduct the unthinkable on unsuspecting food.

Whats really in Jello?

[Seriously]

Whatever they don't use in McDonalds nuggets. Pureed and colored.



Why are their innie and outie bellybuttons?

[TravelnTrain]

Introverts and Extroverts, duh.

Why do men have nipples?

[Seriously]

You mean nubbins? Chew toys for their partner.



Is more than a mouthful wasteful??

[TravelnTrain]

Only if you don't swallow.

Why do so many whore around this forum so often?

[Seriously]

See above where we get paid a $1 a post...it's a living.




Why is sweat salty?

[themuzicman]

So women will lick it. (Like a salt lick...)

Why do restaurants never have clocks?

[Stratego]

So you can't tell how much time your waitress is wasting flirting with the line cook.

What do they mean, fast food?

[themuzicman]

That's how long the food actually satisfies your appetite.

What's in the big mac special sauce.

[Nikita]

toe jam and sweat squeezed from refrigerator perry's jock strap


What's in a big mac?

[The Fury]

Because of McDonald's new environmental policy, the big mac is now 100% artificial. That means no dead animals and no precious plant life viciously uprooted.

What is the meaning of life. (42 is obviously the right answer)

[phej]

To live forever.

Why?

[Nikita]

because you're an existentialist experimenting with Jews for Jesus


What will they do when they find out?

[themuzicman]

Shrug their shoulders and walk away.

What's the point?

[Seriously]

It's a place at the end of the world where socks fall off into space. You get there through a vent in your dryer.


Why does the word llama feel good rolling off your tongue?

[themuzicman]

Because that's how it's fur would feel on your tongue (Try it!)

Why is blue the favorite favorite color?

[Seriously]

Because it is the pretty one.



Why do crazy people come out when the moon is full?

[themuzicman]

They're scared of the dark.

Do you eat more chikn?

[Seriously]

No I eat less beef.



Why do we eat cows, pigs and chickens but not raccoons, chipmunks and crows?

[themuzicman]

Too hard to catch, and raccoons are cute.

What are chitlins?

[TravelnTrain]

Southern Pasta.

Why can't we just use the term "spaghetti" instead of pasta?

[phej]

Because pasta is usually made of worms.

Why do people trust something that bleeds for three days and doesn't die?

[TravelnTrain]

Because they took a vow of "for better or for worse."

Does it really make a difference to be married rather than committed and living together?

[phej]

Apparently so. (Go look at the prop 8 thread...)

Is there really a turtle holding up the earth?

[TravelnTrain]

No, gays keep the world in place. Try flying somewhere, buying something, or getting your hair styled without us...

How are INTJ's like turtles?

[Nikita]

When an INTJ crosses the street, people swerve and hit the brakes to avoid running them over.


How are frogs like lampoons?

[nettneu]

How are frogs like lampoons?

They are both French.

I apologise if the following question has already been asked, but I'm not going to read over 8000 messages to check, so:

What is an incorrect answer to this question?

[Nikita]

Why ask why, try bud dry.


Why did the hooker break out in hives?

[phej]

She's allergic to semen.

Why does plainchant sound so strange?

[Seriously]

It doesn't sound strange. Who thinks it sounds strange?




Why is the eagle bald?

[phej]

Because being bird of the U.S. is a stressful thing to be.

What is wrong with everything?

[Seriously]

It's tired of people expecting so much from it. You try being everything and see how you feel.


Why is Satan always made out to be the bad guy?

[phej]

Because it's bad to bring light into the world.

Why do we have to work?

[Seriously]

Because all play and no work makes phej a very poor boy.



Why ask why?

[themuzicman]

Less filling!

What's the point of everclear?

[Nikita]

self-gratification


How high does the moon rise?

[nowt]

The sky, is its limit.

Why does the pornucopiano not exist?

[jonnyb]

It's evolutionary cousin, the porcupine, killed it before it could evolve to our modern age.

Why did the doctor turn his head and cough?

[Seriously]

It's his subtle way of signaling the nurse to "Come in here and get a look at this thing!" and coughing in your face would be rude.



Why do we put people in coffins?

[jonnyb]

Coffins are a good place for people (live or dead) you don't want to see again. Once you lock down the lid, the chances of them getting out are slim. Not 100% though as the Black Momba proved to us in Kill Bill Vol 2.

Why does Huckleberry icecream taste so good?

[themuzicman]

Good literature makes things named after it remind us of the pleasure of the literature, regardless of the taste.

Does it taste great?

[jonnyb]

It tastes like it. It's an authentic flavor duplicated nowhere else, not even by chicken.

Where did the idea that we need managers at work come from?

[themuzicman]

Incompetent people need income, too.. (Oh, wrong answers... uh...)

Can I get 64 calories of kool aid?

[jonnyb]

Only if you buy the 64 bit variety. It's twice as good as the 32 bit predecessor.

Why can't we dispose fluorescent light bulbs in the regular trash?

[nowt]

Cuz sometimes we separate by smell.

What's the plot summary to Slumdog Millionaire?

[themuzicman]

A man and two women live in an apartment together, and have some wonderful feel good adventures together, but never wind up having any sex.

How many trains go by every day?

[nowt]

The real question is, how many trainsvestites go bi every day.

About half.

Who was the greatest author of the twentieth century and, of course, why?

[jonnyb]

Jim Davis.....He provided such a pivital role in litriture.

Why is there so many dumb doctors....didn't they go to school?

[nowt]

Grad school is just grade school misspelled.

How many rods in a furlong?

[jonnyb]

It's not how many rods in a furlong. A lot of people get confused as there is only one rod to bludgeon enough of the animals with fur to stretch a long way....'furlong'?

Which is heavier, a ton of bricks or a ton of feathers?

[Nikita]

An INTJ's brain on love.


Do gigabytes giggle louder than kilobytes after murder?

[phej]

Of course not! Instead, the gigabytes click on and off afterwards.

Have you stopped beating your SO yet?

[themuzicman]

I've actually started beating the mods and owners, here, instead.

What would happen if Descartes stopped thinking for a moment?

[phej]

Descartes was wrong---Cogito ergo sum is a lie---he never existed but in the paper of his cult followers.

When will it end?

[Nikita]

When you begin.


How will it begin?

[phej]

It started?

[themuzicman]

No, it didn't.

When will it start?

[Seriously]

It starts when it puts the lotion on.



Why does muscle weigh more than fat?

[themuzicman]

It works out.

Why do women have breasts?

[Seriously]

Because men have penises




Why do men have penises?

[themuzicman]

So women have one more thing to marvel at.

When will science be complete?

[jonnyb]

When people can grow hot dogs for fingers.

What is in hot dogs anyway?

[themuzicman]

I could tell you, but it would kill you.

Where's waldo?

[Wapiti]

Waldo has a bad comb over.


How do you peel a banana?

[TravelnTrain]

With a surgical knife, mask and gloves.

What does eating oranges improve the taste of one's semen?

[jonnyb]

Asparagus works better.

How do 400+lb women get pregnant......I mean the shear facts of physics????

[CatalystAK]

Do you really want to know;)? It all has to do with type of movie aired 3 days before hand.

When does the fire burn hottest?

[Nikita]

When Mercury collides with Pluto and forms ice babies.


How humane is humanity?

[jonnyb]

It was a good Rob Zombie song.

How many vowels are there in the jovitos language?

[themuzicman]

None. They're implied

What happened to Esperanto?

[jonnyb]

He fell victim of his cousin Esspresso's infatuations who flew to close to the sun and got caught in its gravitational pull taking Esperanto with him into firey oblivion.

Who was the real Wyatt Earp?

[themuzicman]

James Polk.

Why was the west wild?

[topher]

Dinosaurs.

What's "up" in no-gravity land?

[themuzicman]

Well, Barney the purple dinosaur is the most popular kids show. "House" is keeping the adult's attention, and the teenagers all want to hang out at the mall..

What happens when you try bud dry?

[jonnyb]

It makes your hands shake uncontrollably and causes irreversible impotance.

Why is Barney so fun to watch while drunk?

[larkin]

Because you have better chances of hooking up with him.

What's causing global warming?

[jonnyb]

Barney's talking.

Why do I have to insure my home for more than what I can sell it for?

[phej]

Because you have to insure it for the amount owed on the loan.

Was that the truth?

[larkin]

I totally know the answer to that question, because I'm a mature adult capable of making a commitment, even to relatively non-threatening inanimate objects such as houses, and not at all a lifelong renter.

why did that poor platypus pictured above have to die?

[jonnyb]

It's still alive, in an inanimate kind of way.

Why were some of the posts lost here??? I remember another answer to Larkin's question earlier.

[larkin]

the moderators sent the posts to a farm where they would have lots of space to run and be much happier.

is there intelligent life in the universe?

[The Fury]

Of course there is, we have intelligent life right here on earth.

Should I buy a new pair of shoes?

[larkin]

nah, just make a pair out of flubber.

what will happen in the upcoming elections in Afghanistan?

[nowt]

The guy with the most rugs will win more rugs, because every rug is a vote.

What's the saddest thing you ever saw?

[jonnyb]

Other peoples' attempts to chide me about my pants.

How long did siiy sally pick up seashells by the seashore?

[dragonsscout]

Until that criminal Carl carried of her crustacean carapace.


What light through yonder window breaks?

[TravelnTrain]

Immigration authorities.

What should we do about illegal immigration?

[nowt]

Clockwork orange them all.

What should one do for a migraine?

[larkin]

remove the top of your skull - looks like your question comes from experience.

what's the best way to break up with someone?

[dragonsscout]

By stuffing them into a wood chipper.

What's the best way to propose to someone?

[nowt]

Telepathy.

How do you square a circle?

[phej]

You take a hammer and you just jam the damned square peg into the circle.

Is there ever too much?

[larkin]

No, because to quote Montgomery Burns, I'd trade it all for a little bit more.

Are we still evolving as a species?

[jonnyb]

Yes, blue M&Ms are the evolution catalyst causing some humans to have blue hair......


Will there ever be human colonies on other planets or moons?

[phej]

Probably: sending a mankind to another planet is dirt cheap.

Why are you here?

[Nikita]

to paint the world in pretty colors, no stone shall be left deflowered, neither the virgins


Who will effect my ends?

[nowt]

A man of many middles.

What is the greatest failing of early 21st art?