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View Full Version : I'm So Bored; Please Amuse Me - The Wrong Answer Game


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azelismia
04-15-2009, 01:38 AM
because if you don't the dwarfs will come and give you a mind wipe. then they'll do things to you.. horrible things..


how strong are my powers over the elements?

rahdam
04-15-2009, 01:40 AM
If this were capt planet, you'd be that kid stuck with "heart" :D

How can I become a teenage mutant ninja turtle?

azelismia
04-15-2009, 01:41 AM
by drinking nuclear waste

When is the best time to go bird watching?

rahdam
04-15-2009, 01:42 AM
Just before you take the shot.

What's for dinner?

azelismia
04-15-2009, 01:43 AM
moose balls and regurgitated grass

What is the best excuse for being late to work?

rahdam
04-15-2009, 01:45 AM
"I couldn't possibly be early to this shitty job of mine!"

What's the first thing you think when you see a pocket protector?

azelismia
04-15-2009, 01:46 AM
hawt damn I gotta get me a pocket so I can wear one

why do pens leak?

rahdam
04-15-2009, 01:49 AM
Idiots incorrectly indoctrinated.

Why did the beatles break up?

azelismia
04-15-2009, 01:50 AM
because they were all jealous of yoko

Why did david bowie sleep with mick jagger?

rahdam
04-15-2009, 01:52 AM
To get to the other side!

Why are you bored?

azelismia
04-15-2009, 01:54 AM
Because if I weren't I'd be boneless and wouldn't be able to type.

why does it rain?

rahdam
04-15-2009, 01:55 AM
Angels are crying.

Just how ridiculous does that last answer sound?

azelismia
04-15-2009, 01:56 AM
it sounds terribly serious.

would I be a good nun?

rahdam
04-15-2009, 01:58 AM
Yes, right up there with whoopee cushion!

Have you been considering the nunnery?

azelismia
04-15-2009, 01:59 AM
I have been considering the funnery

what is the funnery?

rahdam
04-15-2009, 02:00 AM
it's the nunnery for ...*ahem*...ladies of the evening.

So, how's the application goin?

azelismia
04-15-2009, 02:04 AM
the application stalls on reboot. I think it's got a serial bus fault.

What does RAM stand for?

rahdam
04-15-2009, 02:07 AM
Randomly abused memory.

What's a school bus fault?

azelismia
04-15-2009, 02:10 AM
When the driver supplies the pot .

who called the kettle black?

rahdam
04-15-2009, 02:13 AM
Mary J and Dan K called the kettle black!

Say, is Mary J around this weekend?

azelismia
04-15-2009, 02:16 AM
Maryj is off to brazil for some skinny dipping

What is the best place to go snowshoeing?

rahdam
04-15-2009, 02:16 AM
In the *grass* ;)

So, about that grass you promised me?

azelismia
04-15-2009, 02:19 AM
sure it's outside (heh this is cheaper than buying a goat)

what kind is the tastiest grass?

rahdam
04-15-2009, 02:21 AM
dew grass...do the dew!

Have you done the dew?

azelismia
04-15-2009, 02:22 AM
no fairies aren't my thing. I prefer satyrs.

Why do my toes have 5 inch nails?

rahdam
04-15-2009, 02:24 AM
you cut your fingers with your toes.

Have they started to curl yet?

azelismia
04-15-2009, 02:27 AM
why yes they have.

Why do you sing yellow brick road songs repeatedly?

rahdam
04-15-2009, 02:28 AM
"follow the yellow brick road! follow the yellow brick road!"....*trailing off*

What was it you asked again?

azelismia
04-15-2009, 02:28 AM
for all your cash and valuables.

why is it that no matter how much gold I get there is none in my pockets?

rahdam
04-15-2009, 02:32 AM
They're always stealin' your lucky charms!

Have you ever ordered your eggs "pittsburg"?

azelismia
04-15-2009, 02:34 AM
I only get my eggs from welsh hens danke.

what came first chicken or monkey?

rahdam
04-15-2009, 02:36 AM
you silly monkey, everyone knows chicken are for kids!

Who wins in a shootout: Bugs Bunny or Roger Rabbit?

azelismia
04-15-2009, 02:40 AM
bugs bunny roger spends too much time going after jessica (bugs is more focused on roger)

from where does bugs get his wit?

rahdam
04-15-2009, 02:41 AM
It's just something he heard and picked up...with his ear?

Do you do sudoku?

azelismia
04-15-2009, 02:44 AM
suduko is my favorite kind of fish.

do you like fishsticks?

rahdam
04-15-2009, 02:47 AM
I like to stick my fish to make sure they are dead before I eat them!

Would you ever wear a kilt?

azelismia
04-15-2009, 02:48 AM
I own a couple and I make them wear them at gunpoint.

why is it that they don't seem to like me much?

rahdam
04-15-2009, 02:49 AM
Hell no we won't go!

How often do you wear said kilts?

azelismia
04-15-2009, 02:52 AM
I make others wear them or they are cursed with the nonkilterkurse.

why the fixation with kilts?

rahdam
04-15-2009, 02:55 AM
Kilt envy!

Ever flown a kite while wearing a kilt?

ranwayslo
04-15-2009, 05:24 AM
umm... *checks to make sure this is the wrong answer game*...no

Ever had the wind blow your kilt up while you flying a kite and then try to explain to local law enforcement that it is traditional not to wear underwear under there?

Synchronicity
04-15-2009, 10:45 AM
Yes. And they told me it was traditional to arrest smartasses who talk too much. So much for my vacation in Kiel.

Why are diamonds so expensive?

reb
04-15-2009, 10:57 AM
because of all the safety features in the diamond mines.

why do they say a stone is 'mounted'?

ptrout
04-15-2009, 12:03 PM
Because silly, a stone is way to heavy to be on top. Injury free sex is safe sex

Why do birds fly south for the winter

Bobert
04-15-2009, 11:44 PM
Because it's there.

Why do old people pay for groceries with checks?

Wapiti
04-15-2009, 11:59 PM
They get points for every check used. Whoever writes the most checks at the end of the week wins the local old people lottery, a bag of Rolaids, a couple hearing aides and diabetic socks.

Why do birds suddenly appear every time I'm near?

Sequoia
04-16-2009, 12:02 AM
Because you fill your pockets with birdfood.

What are deep thoughts?

Wapiti
04-16-2009, 12:05 AM
Deep thoughts, only shaft mine operators know.


Where's the beef?

Sequoia
04-16-2009, 12:06 AM
Last I saw, stampeding down hwy 10.

What's the very best flavor of icecream?

Wapiti
04-16-2009, 12:08 AM
Asphalt surprise. Gives new meaning to Rocky Road.

Rainbows, why are there rainbows?

Sequoia
04-16-2009, 12:41 AM
It's a government conspiracy; they put something in the water!

How many government conspiracies are there?

aok
04-16-2009, 12:52 AM
665

How many governments are there?

azelismia
04-16-2009, 01:19 AM
1. and I own it.

what do you think of the fact that I have monitors in every household?

aok
04-16-2009, 01:21 AM
I'm homeless.


Why not have maids and/or butlers in every household?

azelismia
04-16-2009, 01:26 AM
because they steal from you and implant their eggs of cockroach in your cabinets. it's quite insidious.

why would you prefer to be homeless to having a home?

ptrout
04-16-2009, 01:51 AM
Homes are heavy, I prefer to travel light.

Why have a home anyways

Synchronicity
04-16-2009, 11:46 AM
So I can pay the homeowner tax.

Why do so few people live in deserts?

thatfox
04-16-2009, 12:48 PM
Because in 1928 a law was passed that people would not be allowed to live in areas which had a WCL (water content level) of 5.896 or less. Thus desert living in its entirety was outlawed.

Why is it that people picture aliens as little green men?

Hjordis
04-16-2009, 07:13 PM
They don't. They actually picture them as purple men, but everyone's confused because the switched all the colour names around a few years back.

How often do you drink eggnog?

thatfox
04-16-2009, 07:29 PM
Eggnog is the act of penetrating an egg with the use of a small hammer the latter part of the word comes from the sound that results.

Where is the missing link?

gestalt
04-16-2009, 07:42 PM
Two posts back and one post forward.

HOW AM I GONNA DIE???

thatfox
04-16-2009, 07:44 PM
Eaten alive and digested by Nessy.

Why do people like to pick on Pluto?

gestalt
04-16-2009, 07:54 PM
Because they're not into all that furry suit business.

Has Walt Disney really sort of gone down the tubes?

thatfox
04-16-2009, 07:59 PM
No, he died a long time ago.

What is the absence of absence?

Bobert
04-16-2009, 08:19 PM
I don't fvckin' know! Ummm, angel hair pasta.

Is malolactic fermentation necessary?

aok
04-16-2009, 08:58 PM
For whining.

What happens when you press your belly button?

Bobert
04-16-2009, 09:00 PM
I explode.

What happens if you put your elbow in your ear?

aok
04-16-2009, 09:09 PM
Ear piercing.

Unlike your knees, why don't your elbows don't have caps?

azelismia
04-16-2009, 11:27 PM
Because your elbows don't type and only keyboards have caps.

duh

Why is it that it's harder to see at dusk?

thatfox
04-16-2009, 11:29 PM
Because of that darn Duskiphobiaeyedrosis gene in humans.

Why is it that reaction time decreases as you age?

azelismia
04-16-2009, 11:41 PM
Because the worms that power you slowly die off. you die when all the worms in your body die.

Why is it that no one ever takes me seriously?

thatfox
04-16-2009, 11:48 PM
Because your voice box has been corrupted and needs to be reinstalled.

What is that incessant flickering?

azelismia
04-17-2009, 12:31 AM
it's aliens communicating to your subconscious. they want you to do some gnarly stuffz.....

why is it that I have OCD?

rahdam
04-17-2009, 01:32 AM
Obviously corroded dentistry results from the consumption of too much soda pop!

why is the world flat?

jm123
04-17-2009, 03:42 AM
Because globes are to expensive.
Why is the answer 42?

ptrout
04-17-2009, 05:50 AM
Because if the answer was anything else, the question wouldn't make any sense.


Why are milk and cookies such a perfect combination.

dogwoodlover
04-17-2009, 07:12 AM
Because the arsenic in cookies gets neutralized by the sulfuric acid in milk.


According to Frege, why is it that a=b is cognitively significant while a=a is not?

ptrout
04-17-2009, 09:40 AM
Because currently only 4 out of 50 states recognize a=a, while a=b is binding in all states.

Why can't mathematician get along with physicists

Synchronicity
04-17-2009, 10:24 AM
Because math is to physics what masturbation is to sex.

What was Socrates' problem?

Bobert
04-17-2009, 11:00 AM
He was an E type.

Where do I go to get knackered?

Harmony
04-17-2009, 11:05 AM
A little place in my town called the Knick Knackery.

What causes a sneeze?

Bobert
04-17-2009, 11:07 AM
Kymmie dandruff.

Why are there sun spots?

Synchronicity
04-17-2009, 11:09 AM
The sun has skin cancer. Oh, the irony!

Why is root beer called beer if it has no alcohol?

Nemesis
04-18-2009, 03:38 AM
It's actually digested beer.

Why do they call a beer after a night of drinking "hair of the dog"?

azelismia
04-18-2009, 03:42 AM
It's actually digested beer.

Why do they call a beer after a night of drinking "hair of the dog"?
'


because beer is made from dog hair.


Why is the grass green?

Nemesis
04-18-2009, 03:45 AM
Because it's made of dead irish people

aok
04-18-2009, 08:35 AM
Why are they still called hippies, when they were only relevant 40 years ago?

rahdam
04-18-2009, 01:44 PM
Time is irrelevant.

Why can't I fly?

ptrout
04-18-2009, 01:47 PM
You are not flapping your arms fast enough, hit the gym soldier.

Why does the pain stop ?

Nemesis
04-19-2009, 07:10 AM
Because it has the same level of will power as you.

Why are lemon's sour?

aok
04-19-2009, 10:03 AM
Because southern tea is too sweet.


Why are most americans overweight?

reb
04-19-2009, 01:06 PM
it's a genetic thing...we descend from a long line of giants.

why does classical music always have fiddles in it?

integratedvelocity
04-19-2009, 02:39 PM
because tubas are too big for broke musicians to carry on their back

Why are you not supposed to wear white before memorial day or after labor day?

rahdam
04-19-2009, 04:10 PM
If you wear white, the communists win!

Why won't my book ship faster?

Hjordis
04-19-2009, 06:37 PM
It's already arrived. You have to look harder.

Why did Jack have to climb the beanstalk?

ptrout
04-19-2009, 07:33 PM
Elevator was down for service

Why doesn't water mix well with oil

rahdam
04-19-2009, 07:39 PM
You can't fit a square peg in a round hole. Unless the length of the square * sqrt(2) is less than the diameter of the round hole. Then, you can.

Why are the walls shaking?

ptrout
04-19-2009, 07:42 PM
Because I asked for it shaken not stirred.

How many earthworms does it take to have an earthworm orgy

rahdam
04-19-2009, 07:45 PM
One ... and a half. Three's a party.

Why is my stomach talking to me?

Nemesis
04-19-2009, 11:55 PM
Schizophrenia

Why do children play?

Sequoia
04-20-2009, 01:00 AM
To teach grownups how to work.

What's a knuption?

Wapiti
04-20-2009, 01:03 AM
Knuption is corruption gone bad to the point knuckles are required.

Just how exactly does frost bite?

rahdam
04-20-2009, 01:09 AM
With a blast of wintermint breath.

Why would the Feds raid INTJf?

Nikita
04-20-2009, 02:50 AM
The site is overrun with mastermind terrorists.

Why does pi taste so good?

aok
04-20-2009, 01:25 PM
Because you never run out of it.


What's the current value on the market for the golden ratio?

Bobert
04-20-2009, 01:43 PM
$1.162

Where do I get that contraption aok has in his avatar?

ptrout
04-20-2009, 05:59 PM
Cereal, you have send in 666 UPC's from grape nuts cereal boxes.

How do you teach old dog new tricks ?

Bobert
04-20-2009, 09:06 PM
Slap their muzzle with licorice strips.

What is Grape Nuts made of?

ptrout
04-20-2009, 09:20 PM
Grape testicles, what did you think ?

Do you enjoy grape nuts ?

Bobert
04-20-2009, 10:00 PM
Not anymore.

How long is a bowling alley?

Sequoia
04-20-2009, 10:10 PM
54.2141379 meters.

What is tea made of?

Bobert
04-20-2009, 10:12 PM
worm castings.

What makes crop circles?

Sequoia
04-20-2009, 10:13 PM
Very confused sheep.

What confused them?

Bobert
04-20-2009, 10:34 PM
The cows played a trick on them.

What causes the wind?

Synchronicity
04-20-2009, 10:38 PM
God's divine flatulence.

Why do Scottish people wear kilts?

gestalt
04-20-2009, 10:52 PM
Easy access. Who could kick Brian Boru's ass in a fight (with swords)?

Sequoia
04-20-2009, 11:03 PM
Just. About. Anyone.

Why do we crave sweets?

gestalt
04-20-2009, 11:07 PM
Age-old plotting by the Cadbury company to enslave humanity and return it to the hunter-gatherer lifestyle. What else can you make with sawdust?

Synchronicity
04-21-2009, 11:32 AM
Valentine's Day heart candies.

Why do people still watch American Idol?

Indy
04-21-2009, 03:26 PM
So they can enjoy laughing condescendingly at lesser talents than themselves and feel snug as a bug.
When is hell gonna freeze over?

Bobert
04-21-2009, 04:17 PM
Once everyone owns a Snuggie.

Why is the grass always greener on the other side of the fence?

aok
04-21-2009, 07:38 PM
They add chemicals to their lawn.


Why do people go to bars?

Hasway
04-21-2009, 08:20 PM
Because they always want to get out of jail.
Why are teens violent?

Hjordis
04-21-2009, 08:20 PM
It's all the fluffy pet bunnies that are so popular right now. They keep eating each other and driving the teenage owners into depression-driven rages.

Why is cheesecake so tasty?

Sequoia
04-21-2009, 09:28 PM
It's spiked with heroin.

How many decibles was the loudest snore ever recorded?

Nikita
04-21-2009, 11:10 PM
222ZZZ222 decibles!

Why is it so hot?

gestalt
04-21-2009, 11:14 PM
Cause she's baaaaack. How come we don't use gold coins?

Seriously
04-21-2009, 11:56 PM
Because according to the Federal Government they are actually mini transmitters for an alien race.




What makes my car run?

Nemesis
04-22-2009, 08:10 AM
Kitten guts.

How does one go about having this "sex" thing?

rwyatt365
04-22-2009, 02:55 PM
First, you take a $100 bill and walk to the corner of...

What will come after e-mail?

Nemesis
04-22-2009, 04:45 PM
F-mail

How did WW2 end?

Wapiti
04-22-2009, 05:09 PM
Chuck Norris sneezed.


What is the origin of "it ain't over 'til the fat lady sings?'

Nemesis
04-22-2009, 05:29 PM
Jenny Craig program completion motto.

What is in McDonalds beef patties?

Seriously
04-22-2009, 05:35 PM
Kitten guts left over from auto fuel.




What is the best way to answer a phone?

aok
04-22-2009, 05:38 PM
"I can't talk right now, I'm on the phone."


What's the best way to ask someone out on a date?

Seriously
04-22-2009, 05:39 PM
Knock them over the head and drag them on the date by their hair.





Why do some things taste sour?

aok
04-22-2009, 05:42 PM
Because certain taste buds haven't blossomed properly for those foods yet.


Why is preschool considered school?

Nemesis
04-22-2009, 05:51 PM
Because children are stupid

Why is the sky blue?

Seriously
04-22-2009, 06:01 PM
The moon is made of blue cheese and it leaked.



Why do women wear make-up?

Synchronicity
04-22-2009, 06:03 PM
To unnerve the males by reminding them creepily of clowns.

Why do men have nipples?

gestalt
04-22-2009, 06:08 PM
To allow for failover breast-feeding with extremely low latency.

Why are the words 'prostate' and 'prostrate' so similar?

Synchronicity
04-22-2009, 06:45 PM
Both words come from the same Latin root prostratus which means "to violate from behind", hearkening back to the days of ancient Rome when the Roman Legions would totally rape the Carthaginians every couple of centuries.

What is the most efficient way to end an unpleasant conversation?

altoid
04-22-2009, 07:18 PM
Slip in your plan to start incorporating babies into your diet.

Why does grass grow so fast?

Sequoia
04-22-2009, 08:17 PM
They thrive on steroids.

What's with all the springs?

Bobert
04-22-2009, 09:14 PM
Well, since the earth's been orbiting the sun, we have these things called seasons. These seasons, it appears, have mated with the earth. And the earth gave birth to millions of tiny little springs of all shapes and sizes.

Why do people have lawns?

Sequoia
04-22-2009, 09:38 PM
That seems to be one of the universe's great mysteries, never to be solved.

Why do cats like paper bags so much?

Seriously
04-22-2009, 09:57 PM
Paper bags represent an ancient cat god that they whack across the floor in a ritualistic scourging to relieve them of their sins.





Where does air come from?

Sequoia
04-22-2009, 11:49 PM
Well, I know that hot air comes from ES adolescents.

But where does the cold air come from?

Seriously
04-22-2009, 11:55 PM
Eskimo farts.





Why did ET want to phone home?

Sequoia
04-22-2009, 11:59 PM
Because he thought he left the stove on.

What are the wildest swings?

Seriously
04-23-2009, 12:07 AM
In a galaxy far far away on a cold and barren planet live the ghosts of menopausal women's mood swings. Crazy wild they are!




How do you make a dirty martini?

Sequoia
04-23-2009, 12:11 AM
You force it to watch porn movies for 24 hours.

What's an appletini?

Seriously
04-23-2009, 12:40 AM
A politically correct term for vertically challanged apples.




Why does the time change?

gestalt
04-23-2009, 12:40 AM
Tiny fermented crab apples soused with brine control the time-space continuum.

Why are red herrings so effective?

Sequoia
04-23-2009, 12:43 AM
They aren't. They only appear that way when compared to the ordinary blue ones.

What is the major benefit of always being positive?

gestalt
04-23-2009, 12:51 AM
Attracting "lovebugs" like lightning licking the earth.

What are thunder stones?

Sequoia
04-23-2009, 12:58 AM
Painful stones that lightening must pass.

What's a benefit of being near a lightening strike?

gestalt
04-23-2009, 01:01 AM
Mystical warlock powers are absorbed through your bellybutton.

How much would it suck to have to give yourself regular painkiller shots in the stomach?

altoid
04-23-2009, 01:54 AM
Not as much as the regular pain-inducing shots in the eye.

Why do genies travel via magic carpet?

Seriously
04-23-2009, 09:41 AM
Because the witches took all the brooms.




Why do feet smell like fritos?

aok
04-23-2009, 05:13 PM
Because they never Lay.


Why are most CEOs bald?

Thirdie
04-23-2009, 05:18 PM
They have all been abducted by aliens and lobotomized, so that they ease the Alien infiltration down here. As a consequence, they have had their hair taken off.

Q: Where does the light of a neon tube come from?

Wapiti
04-23-2009, 05:30 PM
The light comes from the energized sweat of Chuck Norris.

Q: Where kind of plant do coconut shrimp grow on?

Nemesis
04-23-2009, 10:10 PM
Nuclear power plant.


Why do people have to eat?

Sequoia
04-23-2009, 10:26 PM
To ensure they're able to end sleep.

How long does it take for those on this board to figure out a secret romance going on on this board and who the players are?

Nemesis
04-23-2009, 10:35 PM
Who cares. I don't have a "wrong answer" for this one.


Why do birds suddenly appear every time you're near?

Sequoia
04-23-2009, 10:39 PM
They know you bring bags of birdseed for them.

Why is a bird in the hand worth two in the bush?

aok
04-24-2009, 12:13 AM
Because the two in the bush are potentially blocked from flying.


Why did the trend of Hypercolor shirts die off?

Nemesis
04-24-2009, 12:21 AM
Jerry Garcia croaked. The champion of Hyper colour was lost.

Who killed JFK?

Synchronicity
04-24-2009, 01:16 AM
Mr. Green, in the ballroom, with the revolver.

What is Victoria's Secret?

Seriously
04-24-2009, 09:38 AM
She shot JFK






Why do we have middle names?

altoid
04-24-2009, 11:53 AM
To mediate fights between our first and last names.

Why do birds have feathers?

Wapiti
04-24-2009, 12:48 PM
So they catch on fire easily.


Why do turtles and tacos both have shells?

rwyatt365
04-24-2009, 02:35 PM
So that they make a satisfying sound when they hit the ground after sliding off of your plate.

If a stapler staples, what does a crapper do?

Wapiti
04-24-2009, 05:10 PM
A crapper is one of those things that turns the lights on and off. You know the old commercial: crap on, crap off, the crapper.


Why do pickles have warts?

Rudy
04-24-2009, 05:15 PM
Because they are the twisted offspring of toads and cucumbers.

Why is pi such a weird number?

aok
04-24-2009, 10:01 PM
Because you can't have your pi and eat it too.


Why is the mainstream considered normal?

Sequoia
04-24-2009, 10:14 PM
Because it drives everyone crazy to think of mainstream as abnormal.

How fast are we evolving and in which direction?

Hjordis
04-26-2009, 01:28 AM
We are evolving very quickly in a diagonal direction. You'd better break out your seat belt.

When will the journey be over?

Jonathan Brewer
04-26-2009, 01:33 AM
Tomorrow at 3:15 pm.


Why do they call the expulsion of gas from the anus a "fart"? :huh:

Charly
04-26-2009, 09:49 PM
It's based on the German word for an exit ramp.

How do I know if my goose is cooked?

Sequoia
04-26-2009, 10:19 PM
All honking has ceased.

How much pollen is mascarading as dust in your home right now?

Charly
04-26-2009, 11:34 PM
Absolutely none. It's more the mold masquerading as food in my fridge that concerns me.

How much longer is my mail order bride going to take to get here?

Seriously
04-26-2009, 11:37 PM
She got sent back for not having enough postage. Might be awhile.





Why do blondes have more fun?

Charly
04-26-2009, 11:41 PM
Because they never get lost in the post.

Why is it called the change jar if it always stays the same?

Seriously
04-26-2009, 11:43 PM
The change eats it's young. It's disturbing. No one wants to talk about it.




Why don't animals talk?

Charly
04-26-2009, 11:47 PM
Because if they did I would feel bad about eating them and end up with an iron deficiency. Plus no-one cares what the panda thinks anyway.

Why do people give human names to non human things?

Sequoia
04-27-2009, 12:20 AM
So they can converse with them. It helps to know their name.

How do trampolines work?

Charly
04-27-2009, 12:39 AM
first, they lure you in with their seductive smile and whispered promises of the perfectly cooked steak. Then they break your arm, steal your wallet and call the cops on you because of meth lab in your basement.

Why does cocaine have such a bad reputation?

Seriously
04-27-2009, 12:41 AM
Because it sleeps around on Mary Jane.



Who invented the telephone?

ptrout
04-27-2009, 07:39 AM
The nice people at Dixie paper products.

Why do I see sparkles when I sneeze hard, and what are they

Seriously
04-27-2009, 10:07 AM
Every time you sneeze hard a fairy dies. The sparkles are their ghosts ascending to heaven.




Why do we drink bottled water?

Synchronicity
04-27-2009, 10:51 AM
Because when we turn on the tap spiders pour out. Duh, nobody wants to drink spiders.

Why do we drink coffee?

Sequoia
04-27-2009, 06:01 PM
It allows for the great sleep of the exhausted eventually.

How can time pass so fast yet seem so slow?

Seriously
04-27-2009, 07:35 PM
It's called the Christmas paradox. No one completely understands it we just know it exists.





Why do we grow old?

Sequoia
04-27-2009, 08:13 PM
Because of static cling. Yeah, that's it.

What's the best way to create an alternate universe?

Seriously
04-27-2009, 08:20 PM
You buy a "Grow your own Universe" kit.






Why do cats purr?

Sequoia
04-27-2009, 08:33 PM
To wake up their sleepy people.

How do cats purr?

Seriously
04-27-2009, 08:41 PM
A tiny person lives in their throat and when the brain triggers a green light they start up the generator that causes purring.




Why do camels spit?

Sequoia
04-27-2009, 09:11 PM
They thrive on gooey slime.

What's the difference between a manta rey and a sting rey?

Hjordis
04-27-2009, 10:43 PM
Manta rays are rainbow coloured.

Why did the cow jump over the moon?

Sequoia
04-27-2009, 11:13 PM
A mouse squeaked behind her.

What is the startle reflex?

Synchronicity
04-28-2009, 12:49 AM
The compulsion of small children to lunge at birds and other wild animals while shouting "boo!"

Who is the real Slim Shady?

Wapiti
04-28-2009, 01:10 PM
Rosie Odonnell


Where do butterflies sleep at night?

Seriously
04-28-2009, 02:28 PM
In the butter dish in your fridge.




What is in the top drawer of my desk?

Synchronicity
04-28-2009, 02:31 PM
A black leather whip and three jars of mayonnaise, two of which are expired.

Why is the sky blue?

Seriously
04-28-2009, 02:36 PM
It isn't blue that is an optical illusion generated by the aliens who live inside your brain.




Why does Tigger bounce?

Synchronicity
04-28-2009, 02:38 PM
The hydraulic piston inside his tail.

Where do socks lost in the laundry end up?

intellael
04-28-2009, 02:51 PM
In the alternate universe. The spinning causes a black hole and you know the rest.

How/why did the notion of a beverage from a coffee bean come into existence?

Synchronicity
04-28-2009, 03:00 PM
When you consider that the American colonists, after discovering tobacco, managed to sell people on sticking burning leaves in their mouths, coffee really isn't all that surprising.

Where do babies come from?

Seriously
04-28-2009, 03:27 PM
There are several schools of thought on this: You have the fundamental storkists, the flowerationists but I myself lean toward the thoughtoligists who believe that we think babies into existence. I think therefore you are.



Why is coke better than pepsi?

intellael
04-28-2009, 03:40 PM
It comes before it in the alphabet.

Why do cats appear less needy than dogs?

Wapiti
04-28-2009, 05:32 PM
Because there is less of them to cover with BBQ sauce.


Why does the squeaky wheel get the grease?

intellael
04-28-2009, 05:37 PM
Whiners usually get more attention, initially.

What is the sun bright?

Seriously
04-28-2009, 05:41 PM
It spends all day studying.




Why do paper cuts hurt so much?

intellael
04-28-2009, 05:45 PM
Words cut deeper than physical wounds.

What is fire?

altoid
04-28-2009, 05:48 PM
The absence of Earth, Air, and Water.

What is "speaking in tongues?"

Wapiti
04-28-2009, 05:51 PM
Very little people, they'd have to be to fit in your tongue.


Why is grass green?

intellael
04-28-2009, 05:54 PM
Green was the only color left when the gods were assigning hue.

Why is water wet?

Wapiti
04-28-2009, 05:55 PM
Because if it were dry it would hurt to swallow.


Why are toilets white?

intellael
04-28-2009, 06:01 PM
Because white is symbol for purity and the when the anus recognizes the shade, it submits and purges itself. Toilet bowls are of a divine nature.

What is the connection between religion and atheism?

altoid
04-28-2009, 06:12 PM
Their adherents' mutual affinity for ice cream.

Why do people mow their lawns?

intellael
04-28-2009, 06:17 PM
People who do that are hairdressers with ADHD.

Why not let the weeds grow and see how big they can get?

Synchronicity
04-28-2009, 06:36 PM
Because they will strangle you the moment you turn your back.

What is the largest prime number?

intellael
04-28-2009, 06:39 PM
The most important number is zero, of course.

What makes small talk so important?

Synchronicity
04-28-2009, 06:41 PM
Its capacity to annoy INTJs when nothing else will.

What is the most dangerous animal on Earth?

intellael
04-28-2009, 06:45 PM
A human... Depending on them to make sense will cause suicide.

What is the least dangerous animal on earth?

Hjordis
04-28-2009, 07:32 PM
A tasmanian devil. You should definitely keep one as a pet.

Why did the chicken want to get to the other side anyways?

Synchronicity
04-28-2009, 07:34 PM
She didn't, but so many people said she did that she started to believe it herself.

Where does baby oil come from?

altoid
04-28-2009, 07:38 PM
Rendered babies.

Why do people say wine is good for you?

Synchronicity
04-28-2009, 07:46 PM
Because they're trying to take advantage of you.

What causes shadows?

Sequoia
04-28-2009, 08:45 PM
Evil spirits stalking you. Be afraid, be very afraid!

Why do they call it a grass stalk?

intellael
04-28-2009, 08:52 PM
Question...

Why are ants important?

Charly
04-29-2009, 12:35 AM
Because of the formic acid when they bite you. It's an antacid.

Why does Samuel Jackson seem so cool when he swears?

dogwoodlover
04-29-2009, 06:16 AM
Because he's black.


Why does Heidegger insist on using such obscure words?

aok
04-29-2009, 11:44 AM
Because of the verbally pronounced implication of last 2/3rds of his last name. He's not content with words found on the surface.


Why does Budweiser not want you to ask why?

Seriously
04-29-2009, 11:48 AM
Because if you did you might discover that Bud isn't really a Weiser and it's all a sham conceived by Coors.



How come coffee makes me less cranky?

Sequoia
04-29-2009, 05:58 PM
It removes crank from your system.

Why is tea healthier than coffee?

altoid
04-29-2009, 06:31 PM
It's got electrolytes. It's what plants crave.

Why is air travel safer than driving?

ptrout
04-29-2009, 07:37 PM
Because clouds are fluffy balls of cotton, and will cushion the impact in the event of an accident.

Why do good things happen to bad people ?

Hjordis
04-29-2009, 07:51 PM
because the devil switched sould with god and is using the opportunity to further his evil plot to make a world full of INTJs.(Well, I'll be happy at least.)

Yes or no?

Seriously
04-29-2009, 08:06 PM
According to Einstein yes plus no equals maybe therefore if you divide maybe into the square root of perhaps you come to the sum total of therefore so I would have to say the answer is...yes, unless therefore is prefaced by and, then no.



Why are there innie and outtie bellybuttons?

ptrout
04-29-2009, 08:18 PM
quantum bellybuttonomics; when bellies collide, they break off into innie and outti bellybuttons.

Why do humans have 2 eyes, 2 ears, 2 nostrils, but only 1 mouth ?

Sequoia
04-29-2009, 10:01 PM
Because if they had two mouths, they would always be arguing with themselves and never get a moment's rest!

Why do cats love paper?

Charly
04-29-2009, 11:46 PM
Because it helps them to imagine what it would be like to have opposable thumbs.

Can someone please give me an example of a single entendre?

Sequoia
04-29-2009, 11:49 PM
It just isn't possible. Quadruple entendres however....

What is the world's strongest adhesive made of?

Charly
04-29-2009, 11:55 PM
It's made of love. Which I think is retarded.

What is the world weakest beverage made of?

Sequoia
04-29-2009, 11:59 PM
Piss and vinigar.

How can an adhesive be retarded?

TravelnTrain
04-30-2009, 12:01 AM
Special Olympics.

Why do athletes compete?

Sequoia
04-30-2009, 12:03 AM
Compulsion. (oh wait it's supposed to be a wrong answer) Ummm....jealousy, no....wait....I got it; for noteriety! Yeah, that's it.....

Is intelligent original tv becoming a myth?