View Full Version : I'm So Bored; Please Amuse Me - The Wrong Answer Game

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04-14-2009, 10:38 PM
because if you don't the dwarfs will come and give you a mind wipe. then they'll do things to you.. horrible things..

how strong are my powers over the elements?

04-14-2009, 10:40 PM
If this were capt planet, you'd be that kid stuck with "heart" :D

How can I become a teenage mutant ninja turtle?

04-14-2009, 10:41 PM
by drinking nuclear waste

When is the best time to go bird watching?

04-14-2009, 10:42 PM
Just before you take the shot.

What's for dinner?

04-14-2009, 10:43 PM
moose balls and regurgitated grass

What is the best excuse for being late to work?

04-14-2009, 10:45 PM
"I couldn't possibly be early to this shitty job of mine!"

What's the first thing you think when you see a pocket protector?

04-14-2009, 10:46 PM
hawt damn I gotta get me a pocket so I can wear one

why do pens leak?

04-14-2009, 10:49 PM
Idiots incorrectly indoctrinated.

Why did the beatles break up?

04-14-2009, 10:50 PM
because they were all jealous of yoko

Why did david bowie sleep with mick jagger?

04-14-2009, 10:52 PM
To get to the other side!

Why are you bored?

04-14-2009, 10:54 PM
Because if I weren't I'd be boneless and wouldn't be able to type.

why does it rain?

04-14-2009, 10:55 PM
Angels are crying.

Just how ridiculous does that last answer sound?

04-14-2009, 10:56 PM
it sounds terribly serious.

would I be a good nun?

04-14-2009, 10:58 PM
Yes, right up there with whoopee cushion!

Have you been considering the nunnery?

04-14-2009, 10:59 PM
I have been considering the funnery

what is the funnery?

04-14-2009, 11:00 PM
it's the nunnery for ...*ahem*...ladies of the evening.

So, how's the application goin?

04-14-2009, 11:04 PM
the application stalls on reboot. I think it's got a serial bus fault.

What does RAM stand for?

04-14-2009, 11:07 PM
Randomly abused memory.

What's a school bus fault?

04-14-2009, 11:10 PM
When the driver supplies the pot .

who called the kettle black?

04-14-2009, 11:13 PM
Mary J and Dan K called the kettle black!

Say, is Mary J around this weekend?

04-14-2009, 11:16 PM
Maryj is off to brazil for some skinny dipping

What is the best place to go snowshoeing?

04-14-2009, 11:16 PM
In the *grass* ;)

So, about that grass you promised me?

04-14-2009, 11:19 PM
sure it's outside (heh this is cheaper than buying a goat)

what kind is the tastiest grass?

04-14-2009, 11:21 PM
dew grass...do the dew!

Have you done the dew?

04-14-2009, 11:22 PM
no fairies aren't my thing. I prefer satyrs.

Why do my toes have 5 inch nails?

04-14-2009, 11:24 PM
you cut your fingers with your toes.

Have they started to curl yet?

04-14-2009, 11:27 PM
why yes they have.

Why do you sing yellow brick road songs repeatedly?

04-14-2009, 11:28 PM
"follow the yellow brick road! follow the yellow brick road!"....*trailing off*

What was it you asked again?

04-14-2009, 11:28 PM
for all your cash and valuables.

why is it that no matter how much gold I get there is none in my pockets?

04-14-2009, 11:32 PM
They're always stealin' your lucky charms!

Have you ever ordered your eggs "pittsburg"?

04-14-2009, 11:34 PM
I only get my eggs from welsh hens danke.

what came first chicken or monkey?

04-14-2009, 11:36 PM
you silly monkey, everyone knows chicken are for kids!

Who wins in a shootout: Bugs Bunny or Roger Rabbit?

04-14-2009, 11:40 PM
bugs bunny roger spends too much time going after jessica (bugs is more focused on roger)

from where does bugs get his wit?

04-14-2009, 11:41 PM
It's just something he heard and picked up...with his ear?

Do you do sudoku?

04-14-2009, 11:44 PM
suduko is my favorite kind of fish.

do you like fishsticks?

04-14-2009, 11:47 PM
I like to stick my fish to make sure they are dead before I eat them!

Would you ever wear a kilt?

04-14-2009, 11:48 PM
I own a couple and I make them wear them at gunpoint.

why is it that they don't seem to like me much?

04-14-2009, 11:49 PM
Hell no we won't go!

How often do you wear said kilts?

04-14-2009, 11:52 PM
I make others wear them or they are cursed with the nonkilterkurse.

why the fixation with kilts?

04-14-2009, 11:55 PM
Kilt envy!

Ever flown a kite while wearing a kilt?

04-15-2009, 02:24 AM
umm... *checks to make sure this is the wrong answer game*...no

Ever had the wind blow your kilt up while you flying a kite and then try to explain to local law enforcement that it is traditional not to wear underwear under there?

04-15-2009, 07:45 AM
Yes. And they told me it was traditional to arrest smartasses who talk too much. So much for my vacation in Kiel.

Why are diamonds so expensive?

04-15-2009, 07:57 AM
because of all the safety features in the diamond mines.

why do they say a stone is 'mounted'?

04-15-2009, 09:03 AM
Because silly, a stone is way to heavy to be on top. Injury free sex is safe sex

Why do birds fly south for the winter

04-15-2009, 08:44 PM
Because it's there.

Why do old people pay for groceries with checks?

04-15-2009, 08:59 PM
They get points for every check used. Whoever writes the most checks at the end of the week wins the local old people lottery, a bag of Rolaids, a couple hearing aides and diabetic socks.

Why do birds suddenly appear every time I'm near?

04-15-2009, 09:02 PM
Because you fill your pockets with birdfood.

What are deep thoughts?

04-15-2009, 09:05 PM
Deep thoughts, only shaft mine operators know.

Where's the beef?

04-15-2009, 09:06 PM
Last I saw, stampeding down hwy 10.

What's the very best flavor of icecream?

04-15-2009, 09:08 PM
Asphalt surprise. Gives new meaning to Rocky Road.

Rainbows, why are there rainbows?

04-15-2009, 09:41 PM
It's a government conspiracy; they put something in the water!

How many government conspiracies are there?

04-15-2009, 09:52 PM

How many governments are there?

04-15-2009, 10:19 PM
1. and I own it.

what do you think of the fact that I have monitors in every household?

04-15-2009, 10:21 PM
I'm homeless.

Why not have maids and/or butlers in every household?

04-15-2009, 10:26 PM
because they steal from you and implant their eggs of cockroach in your cabinets. it's quite insidious.

why would you prefer to be homeless to having a home?

04-15-2009, 10:51 PM
Homes are heavy, I prefer to travel light.

Why have a home anyways

04-16-2009, 08:46 AM
So I can pay the homeowner tax.

Why do so few people live in deserts?

04-16-2009, 09:48 AM
Because in 1928 a law was passed that people would not be allowed to live in areas which had a WCL (water content level) of 5.896 or less. Thus desert living in its entirety was outlawed.

Why is it that people picture aliens as little green men?

04-16-2009, 04:13 PM
They don't. They actually picture them as purple men, but everyone's confused because the switched all the colour names around a few years back.

How often do you drink eggnog?

04-16-2009, 04:29 PM
Eggnog is the act of penetrating an egg with the use of a small hammer the latter part of the word comes from the sound that results.

Where is the missing link?

04-16-2009, 04:42 PM
Two posts back and one post forward.


04-16-2009, 04:44 PM
Eaten alive and digested by Nessy.

Why do people like to pick on Pluto?

04-16-2009, 04:54 PM
Because they're not into all that furry suit business.

Has Walt Disney really sort of gone down the tubes?

04-16-2009, 04:59 PM
No, he died a long time ago.

What is the absence of absence?

04-16-2009, 05:19 PM
I don't fvckin' know! Ummm, angel hair pasta.

Is malolactic fermentation necessary?

04-16-2009, 05:58 PM
For whining.

What happens when you press your belly button?

04-16-2009, 06:00 PM
I explode.

What happens if you put your elbow in your ear?

04-16-2009, 06:09 PM
Ear piercing.

Unlike your knees, why don't your elbows don't have caps?

04-16-2009, 08:27 PM
Because your elbows don't type and only keyboards have caps.


Why is it that it's harder to see at dusk?

04-16-2009, 08:29 PM
Because of that darn Duskiphobiaeyedrosis gene in humans.

Why is it that reaction time decreases as you age?

04-16-2009, 08:41 PM
Because the worms that power you slowly die off. you die when all the worms in your body die.

Why is it that no one ever takes me seriously?

04-16-2009, 08:48 PM
Because your voice box has been corrupted and needs to be reinstalled.

What is that incessant flickering?

04-16-2009, 09:31 PM
it's aliens communicating to your subconscious. they want you to do some gnarly stuffz.....

why is it that I have OCD?

04-16-2009, 10:32 PM
Obviously corroded dentistry results from the consumption of too much soda pop!

why is the world flat?

04-17-2009, 12:42 AM
Because globes are to expensive.
Why is the answer 42?

04-17-2009, 02:50 AM
Because if the answer was anything else, the question wouldn't make any sense.

Why are milk and cookies such a perfect combination.

04-17-2009, 04:12 AM
Because the arsenic in cookies gets neutralized by the sulfuric acid in milk.

According to Frege, why is it that a=b is cognitively significant while a=a is not?

04-17-2009, 06:40 AM
Because currently only 4 out of 50 states recognize a=a, while a=b is binding in all states.

Why can't mathematician get along with physicists

04-17-2009, 07:24 AM
Because math is to physics what masturbation is to sex.

What was Socrates' problem?

04-17-2009, 08:00 AM
He was an E type.

Where do I go to get knackered?

04-17-2009, 08:05 AM
A little place in my town called the Knick Knackery.

What causes a sneeze?

04-17-2009, 08:07 AM
Kymmie dandruff.

Why are there sun spots?

04-17-2009, 08:09 AM
The sun has skin cancer. Oh, the irony!

Why is root beer called beer if it has no alcohol?

04-18-2009, 12:38 AM
It's actually digested beer.

Why do they call a beer after a night of drinking "hair of the dog"?

04-18-2009, 12:42 AM
It's actually digested beer.

Why do they call a beer after a night of drinking "hair of the dog"?

because beer is made from dog hair.

Why is the grass green?

04-18-2009, 12:45 AM
Because it's made of dead irish people

04-18-2009, 05:35 AM
Why are they still called hippies, when they were only relevant 40 years ago?

04-18-2009, 10:44 AM
Time is irrelevant.

Why can't I fly?

04-18-2009, 10:47 AM
You are not flapping your arms fast enough, hit the gym soldier.

Why does the pain stop ?

04-19-2009, 04:10 AM
Because it has the same level of will power as you.

Why are lemon's sour?

04-19-2009, 07:03 AM
Because southern tea is too sweet.

Why are most americans overweight?

04-19-2009, 10:06 AM
it's a genetic thing...we descend from a long line of giants.

why does classical music always have fiddles in it?

04-19-2009, 11:39 AM
because tubas are too big for broke musicians to carry on their back

Why are you not supposed to wear white before memorial day or after labor day?

04-19-2009, 01:10 PM
If you wear white, the communists win!

Why won't my book ship faster?

04-19-2009, 03:37 PM
It's already arrived. You have to look harder.

Why did Jack have to climb the beanstalk?

04-19-2009, 04:33 PM
Elevator was down for service

Why doesn't water mix well with oil

04-19-2009, 04:39 PM
You can't fit a square peg in a round hole. Unless the length of the square * sqrt(2) is less than the diameter of the round hole. Then, you can.

Why are the walls shaking?

04-19-2009, 04:42 PM
Because I asked for it shaken not stirred.

How many earthworms does it take to have an earthworm orgy

04-19-2009, 04:45 PM
One ... and a half. Three's a party.

Why is my stomach talking to me?

04-19-2009, 08:55 PM

Why do children play?

04-19-2009, 10:00 PM
To teach grownups how to work.

What's a knuption?

04-19-2009, 10:03 PM
Knuption is corruption gone bad to the point knuckles are required.

Just how exactly does frost bite?

04-19-2009, 10:09 PM
With a blast of wintermint breath.

Why would the Feds raid INTJf?

04-19-2009, 11:50 PM
The site is overrun with mastermind terrorists.

Why does pi taste so good?

04-20-2009, 10:25 AM
Because you never run out of it.

What's the current value on the market for the golden ratio?

04-20-2009, 10:43 AM

Where do I get that contraption aok has in his avatar?

04-20-2009, 02:59 PM
Cereal, you have send in 666 UPC's from grape nuts cereal boxes.

How do you teach old dog new tricks ?

04-20-2009, 06:06 PM
Slap their muzzle with licorice strips.

What is Grape Nuts made of?

04-20-2009, 06:20 PM
Grape testicles, what did you think ?

Do you enjoy grape nuts ?

04-20-2009, 07:00 PM
Not anymore.

How long is a bowling alley?

04-20-2009, 07:10 PM
54.2141379 meters.

What is tea made of?

04-20-2009, 07:12 PM
worm castings.

What makes crop circles?

04-20-2009, 07:13 PM
Very confused sheep.

What confused them?

04-20-2009, 07:34 PM
The cows played a trick on them.

What causes the wind?

04-20-2009, 07:38 PM
God's divine flatulence.

Why do Scottish people wear kilts?

04-20-2009, 07:52 PM
Easy access. Who could kick Brian Boru's ass in a fight (with swords)?

04-20-2009, 08:03 PM
Just. About. Anyone.

Why do we crave sweets?

04-20-2009, 08:07 PM
Age-old plotting by the Cadbury company to enslave humanity and return it to the hunter-gatherer lifestyle. What else can you make with sawdust?

04-21-2009, 08:32 AM
Valentine's Day heart candies.

Why do people still watch American Idol?

04-21-2009, 12:26 PM
So they can enjoy laughing condescendingly at lesser talents than themselves and feel snug as a bug.
When is hell gonna freeze over?

04-21-2009, 01:17 PM
Once everyone owns a Snuggie.

Why is the grass always greener on the other side of the fence?

04-21-2009, 04:38 PM
They add chemicals to their lawn.

Why do people go to bars?

04-21-2009, 05:20 PM
Because they always want to get out of jail.
Why are teens violent?

04-21-2009, 05:20 PM
It's all the fluffy pet bunnies that are so popular right now. They keep eating each other and driving the teenage owners into depression-driven rages.

Why is cheesecake so tasty?

04-21-2009, 06:28 PM
It's spiked with heroin.

How many decibles was the loudest snore ever recorded?

04-21-2009, 08:10 PM
222ZZZ222 decibles!

Why is it so hot?

04-21-2009, 08:14 PM
Cause she's baaaaack. How come we don't use gold coins?

04-21-2009, 08:56 PM
Because according to the Federal Government they are actually mini transmitters for an alien race.

What makes my car run?

04-22-2009, 05:10 AM
Kitten guts.

How does one go about having this "sex" thing?

04-22-2009, 11:55 AM
First, you take a $100 bill and walk to the corner of...

What will come after e-mail?

04-22-2009, 01:45 PM

How did WW2 end?

04-22-2009, 02:09 PM
Chuck Norris sneezed.

What is the origin of "it ain't over 'til the fat lady sings?'

04-22-2009, 02:29 PM
Jenny Craig program completion motto.

What is in McDonalds beef patties?

04-22-2009, 02:35 PM
Kitten guts left over from auto fuel.

What is the best way to answer a phone?

04-22-2009, 02:38 PM
"I can't talk right now, I'm on the phone."

What's the best way to ask someone out on a date?

04-22-2009, 02:39 PM
Knock them over the head and drag them on the date by their hair.

Why do some things taste sour?

04-22-2009, 02:42 PM
Because certain taste buds haven't blossomed properly for those foods yet.

Why is preschool considered school?

04-22-2009, 02:51 PM
Because children are stupid

Why is the sky blue?

04-22-2009, 03:01 PM
The moon is made of blue cheese and it leaked.

Why do women wear make-up?

04-22-2009, 03:03 PM
To unnerve the males by reminding them creepily of clowns.

Why do men have nipples?

04-22-2009, 03:08 PM
To allow for failover breast-feeding with extremely low latency.

Why are the words 'prostate' and 'prostrate' so similar?

04-22-2009, 03:45 PM
Both words come from the same Latin root prostratus which means "to violate from behind", hearkening back to the days of ancient Rome when the Roman Legions would totally rape the Carthaginians every couple of centuries.

What is the most efficient way to end an unpleasant conversation?

04-22-2009, 04:18 PM
Slip in your plan to start incorporating babies into your diet.

Why does grass grow so fast?

04-22-2009, 05:17 PM
They thrive on steroids.

What's with all the springs?

04-22-2009, 06:14 PM
Well, since the earth's been orbiting the sun, we have these things called seasons. These seasons, it appears, have mated with the earth. And the earth gave birth to millions of tiny little springs of all shapes and sizes.

Why do people have lawns?

04-22-2009, 06:38 PM
That seems to be one of the universe's great mysteries, never to be solved.

Why do cats like paper bags so much?

04-22-2009, 06:57 PM
Paper bags represent an ancient cat god that they whack across the floor in a ritualistic scourging to relieve them of their sins.

Where does air come from?

04-22-2009, 08:49 PM
Well, I know that hot air comes from ES adolescents.

But where does the cold air come from?

04-22-2009, 08:55 PM
Eskimo farts.

Why did ET want to phone home?

04-22-2009, 08:59 PM
Because he thought he left the stove on.

What are the wildest swings?

04-22-2009, 09:07 PM
In a galaxy far far away on a cold and barren planet live the ghosts of menopausal women's mood swings. Crazy wild they are!

How do you make a dirty martini?

04-22-2009, 09:11 PM
You force it to watch porn movies for 24 hours.

What's an appletini?

04-22-2009, 09:40 PM
A politically correct term for vertically challanged apples.

Why does the time change?

04-22-2009, 09:40 PM
Tiny fermented crab apples soused with brine control the time-space continuum.

Why are red herrings so effective?

04-22-2009, 09:43 PM
They aren't. They only appear that way when compared to the ordinary blue ones.

What is the major benefit of always being positive?

04-22-2009, 09:51 PM
Attracting "lovebugs" like lightning licking the earth.

What are thunder stones?

04-22-2009, 09:58 PM
Painful stones that lightening must pass.

What's a benefit of being near a lightening strike?

04-22-2009, 10:01 PM
Mystical warlock powers are absorbed through your bellybutton.

How much would it suck to have to give yourself regular painkiller shots in the stomach?

04-22-2009, 10:54 PM
Not as much as the regular pain-inducing shots in the eye.

Why do genies travel via magic carpet?

04-23-2009, 06:41 AM
Because the witches took all the brooms.

Why do feet smell like fritos?

04-23-2009, 02:13 PM
Because they never Lay.

Why are most CEOs bald?

04-23-2009, 02:18 PM
They have all been abducted by aliens and lobotomized, so that they ease the Alien infiltration down here. As a consequence, they have had their hair taken off.

Q: Where does the light of a neon tube come from?

04-23-2009, 02:30 PM
The light comes from the energized sweat of Chuck Norris.

Q: Where kind of plant do coconut shrimp grow on?

04-23-2009, 07:10 PM
Nuclear power plant.

Why do people have to eat?

04-23-2009, 07:26 PM
To ensure they're able to end sleep.

How long does it take for those on this board to figure out a secret romance going on on this board and who the players are?

04-23-2009, 07:35 PM
Who cares. I don't have a "wrong answer" for this one.

Why do birds suddenly appear every time you're near?

04-23-2009, 07:39 PM
They know you bring bags of birdseed for them.

Why is a bird in the hand worth two in the bush?

04-23-2009, 09:13 PM
Because the two in the bush are potentially blocked from flying.

Why did the trend of Hypercolor shirts die off?

04-23-2009, 09:21 PM
Jerry Garcia croaked. The champion of Hyper colour was lost.

Who killed JFK?

04-23-2009, 10:16 PM
Mr. Green, in the ballroom, with the revolver.

What is Victoria's Secret?

04-24-2009, 06:38 AM
She shot JFK

Why do we have middle names?

04-24-2009, 08:53 AM
To mediate fights between our first and last names.

Why do birds have feathers?

04-24-2009, 09:48 AM
So they catch on fire easily.

Why do turtles and tacos both have shells?

04-24-2009, 11:35 AM
So that they make a satisfying sound when they hit the ground after sliding off of your plate.

If a stapler staples, what does a crapper do?

04-24-2009, 02:10 PM
A crapper is one of those things that turns the lights on and off. You know the old commercial: crap on, crap off, the crapper.

Why do pickles have warts?

04-24-2009, 02:15 PM
Because they are the twisted offspring of toads and cucumbers.

Why is pi such a weird number?

04-24-2009, 07:01 PM
Because you can't have your pi and eat it too.

Why is the mainstream considered normal?

04-24-2009, 07:14 PM
Because it drives everyone crazy to think of mainstream as abnormal.

How fast are we evolving and in which direction?

04-25-2009, 10:28 PM
We are evolving very quickly in a diagonal direction. You'd better break out your seat belt.

When will the journey be over?

Jonathan Brewer
04-25-2009, 10:33 PM
Tomorrow at 3:15 pm.

Why do they call the expulsion of gas from the anus a "fart"? :huh:

04-26-2009, 06:49 PM
It's based on the German word for an exit ramp.

How do I know if my goose is cooked?

04-26-2009, 07:19 PM
All honking has ceased.

How much pollen is mascarading as dust in your home right now?

04-26-2009, 08:34 PM
Absolutely none. It's more the mold masquerading as food in my fridge that concerns me.

How much longer is my mail order bride going to take to get here?

04-26-2009, 08:37 PM
She got sent back for not having enough postage. Might be awhile.

Why do blondes have more fun?

04-26-2009, 08:41 PM
Because they never get lost in the post.

Why is it called the change jar if it always stays the same?

04-26-2009, 08:43 PM
The change eats it's young. It's disturbing. No one wants to talk about it.

Why don't animals talk?

04-26-2009, 08:47 PM
Because if they did I would feel bad about eating them and end up with an iron deficiency. Plus no-one cares what the panda thinks anyway.

Why do people give human names to non human things?

04-26-2009, 09:20 PM
So they can converse with them. It helps to know their name.

How do trampolines work?

04-26-2009, 09:39 PM
first, they lure you in with their seductive smile and whispered promises of the perfectly cooked steak. Then they break your arm, steal your wallet and call the cops on you because of meth lab in your basement.

Why does cocaine have such a bad reputation?

04-26-2009, 09:41 PM
Because it sleeps around on Mary Jane.

Who invented the telephone?

04-27-2009, 04:39 AM
The nice people at Dixie paper products.

Why do I see sparkles when I sneeze hard, and what are they

04-27-2009, 07:07 AM
Every time you sneeze hard a fairy dies. The sparkles are their ghosts ascending to heaven.

Why do we drink bottled water?

04-27-2009, 07:51 AM
Because when we turn on the tap spiders pour out. Duh, nobody wants to drink spiders.

Why do we drink coffee?

04-27-2009, 03:01 PM
It allows for the great sleep of the exhausted eventually.

How can time pass so fast yet seem so slow?

04-27-2009, 04:35 PM
It's called the Christmas paradox. No one completely understands it we just know it exists.

Why do we grow old?

04-27-2009, 05:13 PM
Because of static cling. Yeah, that's it.

What's the best way to create an alternate universe?

04-27-2009, 05:20 PM
You buy a "Grow your own Universe" kit.

Why do cats purr?

04-27-2009, 05:33 PM
To wake up their sleepy people.

How do cats purr?

04-27-2009, 05:41 PM
A tiny person lives in their throat and when the brain triggers a green light they start up the generator that causes purring.

Why do camels spit?

04-27-2009, 06:11 PM
They thrive on gooey slime.

What's the difference between a manta rey and a sting rey?

04-27-2009, 07:43 PM
Manta rays are rainbow coloured.

Why did the cow jump over the moon?

04-27-2009, 08:13 PM
A mouse squeaked behind her.

What is the startle reflex?

04-27-2009, 09:49 PM
The compulsion of small children to lunge at birds and other wild animals while shouting "boo!"

Who is the real Slim Shady?

04-28-2009, 10:10 AM
Rosie Odonnell

Where do butterflies sleep at night?

04-28-2009, 11:28 AM
In the butter dish in your fridge.

What is in the top drawer of my desk?

04-28-2009, 11:31 AM
A black leather whip and three jars of mayonnaise, two of which are expired.

Why is the sky blue?

04-28-2009, 11:36 AM
It isn't blue that is an optical illusion generated by the aliens who live inside your brain.

Why does Tigger bounce?

04-28-2009, 11:38 AM
The hydraulic piston inside his tail.

Where do socks lost in the laundry end up?

04-28-2009, 11:51 AM
In the alternate universe. The spinning causes a black hole and you know the rest.

How/why did the notion of a beverage from a coffee bean come into existence?

04-28-2009, 12:00 PM
When you consider that the American colonists, after discovering tobacco, managed to sell people on sticking burning leaves in their mouths, coffee really isn't all that surprising.

Where do babies come from?

04-28-2009, 12:27 PM
There are several schools of thought on this: You have the fundamental storkists, the flowerationists but I myself lean toward the thoughtoligists who believe that we think babies into existence. I think therefore you are.

Why is coke better than pepsi?

04-28-2009, 12:40 PM
It comes before it in the alphabet.

Why do cats appear less needy than dogs?

04-28-2009, 02:32 PM
Because there is less of them to cover with BBQ sauce.

Why does the squeaky wheel get the grease?

04-28-2009, 02:37 PM
Whiners usually get more attention, initially.

What is the sun bright?

04-28-2009, 02:41 PM
It spends all day studying.

Why do paper cuts hurt so much?

04-28-2009, 02:45 PM
Words cut deeper than physical wounds.

What is fire?

04-28-2009, 02:48 PM
The absence of Earth, Air, and Water.

What is "speaking in tongues?"

04-28-2009, 02:51 PM
Very little people, they'd have to be to fit in your tongue.

Why is grass green?

04-28-2009, 02:54 PM
Green was the only color left when the gods were assigning hue.

Why is water wet?

04-28-2009, 02:55 PM
Because if it were dry it would hurt to swallow.

Why are toilets white?

04-28-2009, 03:01 PM
Because white is symbol for purity and the when the anus recognizes the shade, it submits and purges itself. Toilet bowls are of a divine nature.

What is the connection between religion and atheism?

04-28-2009, 03:12 PM
Their adherents' mutual affinity for ice cream.

Why do people mow their lawns?

04-28-2009, 03:17 PM
People who do that are hairdressers with ADHD.

Why not let the weeds grow and see how big they can get?

04-28-2009, 03:36 PM
Because they will strangle you the moment you turn your back.

What is the largest prime number?

04-28-2009, 03:39 PM
The most important number is zero, of course.

What makes small talk so important?

04-28-2009, 03:41 PM
Its capacity to annoy INTJs when nothing else will.

What is the most dangerous animal on Earth?

04-28-2009, 03:45 PM
A human... Depending on them to make sense will cause suicide.

What is the least dangerous animal on earth?

04-28-2009, 04:32 PM
A tasmanian devil. You should definitely keep one as a pet.

Why did the chicken want to get to the other side anyways?

04-28-2009, 04:34 PM
She didn't, but so many people said she did that she started to believe it herself.

Where does baby oil come from?

04-28-2009, 04:38 PM
Rendered babies.

Why do people say wine is good for you?

04-28-2009, 04:46 PM
Because they're trying to take advantage of you.

What causes shadows?

04-28-2009, 05:45 PM
Evil spirits stalking you. Be afraid, be very afraid!

Why do they call it a grass stalk?

04-28-2009, 05:52 PM

Why are ants important?

04-28-2009, 09:35 PM
Because of the formic acid when they bite you. It's an antacid.

Why does Samuel Jackson seem so cool when he swears?

04-29-2009, 03:16 AM
Because he's black.

Why does Heidegger insist on using such obscure words?

04-29-2009, 08:44 AM
Because of the verbally pronounced implication of last 2/3rds of his last name. He's not content with words found on the surface.

Why does Budweiser not want you to ask why?

04-29-2009, 08:48 AM
Because if you did you might discover that Bud isn't really a Weiser and it's all a sham conceived by Coors.

How come coffee makes me less cranky?

04-29-2009, 02:58 PM
It removes crank from your system.

Why is tea healthier than coffee?

04-29-2009, 03:31 PM
It's got electrolytes. It's what plants crave.

Why is air travel safer than driving?

04-29-2009, 04:37 PM
Because clouds are fluffy balls of cotton, and will cushion the impact in the event of an accident.

Why do good things happen to bad people ?

04-29-2009, 04:51 PM
because the devil switched sould with god and is using the opportunity to further his evil plot to make a world full of INTJs.(Well, I'll be happy at least.)

Yes or no?

04-29-2009, 05:06 PM
According to Einstein yes plus no equals maybe therefore if you divide maybe into the square root of perhaps you come to the sum total of therefore so I would have to say the answer is...yes, unless therefore is prefaced by and, then no.

Why are there innie and outtie bellybuttons?

04-29-2009, 05:18 PM
quantum bellybuttonomics; when bellies collide, they break off into innie and outti bellybuttons.

Why do humans have 2 eyes, 2 ears, 2 nostrils, but only 1 mouth ?

04-29-2009, 07:01 PM
Because if they had two mouths, they would always be arguing with themselves and never get a moment's rest!

Why do cats love paper?

04-29-2009, 08:46 PM
Because it helps them to imagine what it would be like to have opposable thumbs.

Can someone please give me an example of a single entendre?

04-29-2009, 08:49 PM
It just isn't possible. Quadruple entendres however....

What is the world's strongest adhesive made of?

04-29-2009, 08:55 PM
It's made of love. Which I think is retarded.

What is the world weakest beverage made of?

04-29-2009, 08:59 PM
Piss and vinigar.

How can an adhesive be retarded?

04-29-2009, 09:01 PM
Special Olympics.

Why do athletes compete?

04-29-2009, 09:03 PM
Compulsion. (oh wait it's supposed to be a wrong answer) Ummm....jealousy, no....wait....I got it; for noteriety! Yeah, that's it.....

Is intelligent original tv becoming a myth?