View Full Version : I'm So Bored; Please Amuse Me - The Wrong Answer Game
What's it like riding the inside of a tornado?
01-01-2009, 03:54 PM
You feel like you live for the first time in your life.
Will the world end on 2012?
01-01-2009, 04:41 PM
You will have to ask the Mayans.
If it does how will it end?
01-01-2009, 07:32 PM
You already know.
What's inside the magic box?
01-01-2009, 07:39 PM
Where is the magician's assistant?
01-01-2009, 07:42 PM
Flipping burgers at BK- they pay him more
Who is the most interesting speaker in the world?
01-01-2009, 07:48 PM
The King of the Mimes. He has quite a lot to say.
Why would anybody become a mime?
01-01-2009, 07:51 PM
It has great job security.
Do loan sharks bite?
01-01-2009, 07:52 PM
Yes, and their fangs contain a deadly venom.
How will the stock market be stabilized?
01-01-2009, 07:52 PM
lots and lots of sand bags
do bears shit in the woods?
01-01-2009, 07:56 PM
No, they only shit in streams from which spring water is harvested, bottled, and marketed to the masses.
Why did the children follow the pied piper?
01-01-2009, 07:57 PM
For the candy
How do microwaves work?
01-01-2009, 07:59 PM
You just hook up a potato to some fishing line and spin around at a speed of 34.9 rpms.
How are shoes made?
01-01-2009, 08:02 PM
You nail a dead fish to your foot.
Why is fire so hot?
01-01-2009, 09:19 PM
Yellowstone park is experiencing lots of earthquakes because of it.
What are those pesky kids up to now?
01-01-2009, 09:45 PM
7 stories high, they really ought to test growth hormones before using them.
Why are slugs icky
01-01-2009, 09:48 PM
Its the way they tickle your uvula.
Why would someone think my last name is Barrow?
01-01-2009, 10:01 PM
because they saw you reenacting scenes from Bonnie and Clyde with a big gun.
Why won't the voices in my head stop talking?
01-01-2009, 10:02 PM
Because you won't stop answering them.
Who is the king of the remote control?
01-01-2009, 10:05 PM
The man of course. If it was a woman, would it not be the Queen of the remote control?
Why have half the light bulbs in my house died in the past week? 8 and counting.
01-01-2009, 10:08 PM
Because he doesn't like the light. They are forcing you into the shadows. One, two, Freddie's coming for you...Three, Four, better lock your door...
Why is whiplash called whiplash?
01-01-2009, 10:10 PM
It was originally caused by whips.
How did we come up with a system of time?
01-01-2009, 10:12 PM
It began with the rhythm of slaves' feet in ancient Egypt.
Who invented the first sundial?
01-01-2009, 10:14 PM
Because "Hootie and the blowfish" was already taken.
Was there more to Ellie May and Jethro than met the eye?
01-01-2009, 10:17 PM
Didn't you hear? The show was cancelled because Ellie Mae was set to give birth to Jeffro and Nellie - twins!
Why does everyone love Lucy?
01-01-2009, 10:22 PM
They don't, she was being egotistical.
Do they call the OS "Windows" because it breaks so easily?
01-01-2009, 10:24 PM
Nope, it's strictly for the ease of hacking.
Why is Linux superior?
01-01-2009, 10:26 PM
It allows people to show their "superiority" cough cough off.
What is it about chicken noodle soup and colds?
01-01-2009, 10:27 PM
Because chickens are immune to sickness.
Why are gas prices lower now?
01-01-2009, 10:28 PM
Because chicken noodle soup is poised to replace it as the super fuel as Scientology has issues with it being used medicinally. It's like the super drug, which is why Scientologists have vowed to eliminate it from human consumption by the year 2011. Your body thetans, get rid of your body thetans! Chicken noodle soup feeds them!
Is chicken noodle soup good for the soul?
01-01-2009, 10:32 PM
No, but it is good for the sole.
Is the grass always greener on the other side?
01-01-2009, 10:38 PM
Only with photoshop on the other side.
Where is polar north?
01-01-2009, 10:40 PM
Aisle 25 at Wal-mart.
When will the snow melt?
01-01-2009, 10:41 PM
Do you like the cold?
01-01-2009, 10:55 PM
Do not like the person who gave it to me.
Why is chili and a grilled cheese sandwich on rye so satisfying?
01-01-2009, 11:02 PM
Because your tastebuds are malfunctioning.
Why is it so freaking cold in here?
01-01-2009, 11:40 PM
because you have angered the gods of warmth with your incessant violent streak,
Why do I have a hard time falling asleep at night?
01-01-2009, 11:57 PM
Because we're just too darned interesting here at INTJf.
Why did it feel so good to walk into the wall of warmth that is my bedroom?
01-02-2009, 01:33 AM
Because they keep the Sun on low everywhere else.
Whats the point of punctuation?
01-02-2009, 09:22 AM
To pay homage to the Elbownian god Punc…… All hail Punc……
Why do things that are bad for you taste so good?
01-02-2009, 11:21 AM
because teh evil god has set off the self destruct switch in your brain
Why is it so hard to convince myself to get ready for work?
01-02-2009, 11:29 AM
Because you don't work today.
Will I win the lottery?
01-02-2009, 01:07 PM
no you won't win the lottery, but you keep spending all your money there. you end up starving to death because you spend your last dollar on a lottery ticket, convinced it will "be the one"
Why do people have such mental blocks over math and Statistics?
01-02-2009, 01:16 PM
Because the math and statistics mental blocks were on sale.
Why are there so many breeds of dogs?
They keep barking up the wrong mutt.
Why give a dog a treat for barking?
01-02-2009, 05:41 PM
If he tries to bark while eating it, he'll choke.
How do you do CPR?
01-02-2009, 07:55 PM
Apply directly to the forehead.
Why are Krispy Kremes neither krispy nor kremey?
01-02-2009, 09:47 PM
Because they're krunchy
How many clowns can fit inside a car with a volume of 1 m cubed?
01-02-2009, 10:04 PM
Well...M is a 2-dimensional letter, which produces a 6-dimensional volume when cubed...So I predict 6. :evil:
Are you ready to rumble?
In the Bronx.
Do you like to bumble?
01-03-2009, 01:08 AM
I won a spelling bee once.
Who are the beegees?
Disco's version of The Grateful Dead.
Who is Ringo the Starr of?
01-03-2009, 01:11 AM
Of Barnum & Bailey's Circus, of course!
What is a date?
01-03-2009, 01:13 AM
A unit of time in a vacuum.
Who invented youtube?
01-03-2009, 01:20 AM
The you beyond existence.
How high do you have to fly to be like a kite?
01-03-2009, 01:22 AM
Just jump and flap your wings
Whats really inside a Hershey's kiss?
What's type of ham is used in hamburgers?
01-03-2009, 01:26 AM
The radioactive kind
How can I give myself super powers?
Wish upon a Ringo Starr.
Are things different through the looking glass?
01-03-2009, 08:12 PM
All forms of reality based television.
How many times must you work a double before you get to use your phone?
01-03-2009, 08:28 PM
Once. What, you haven't done it yet? You must be next on the chopping block...
Who threw it?
01-03-2009, 08:30 PM
The same person who sharpened it.
Why do people expect you to applaud every time they pause in a speech or song?
01-03-2009, 08:57 PM
They expect me to boo because they know they're competent.
Why is cotton picked?
01-03-2009, 09:11 PM
Because it tastes better that way.
How do you solve a problem like Maria?
01-03-2009, 09:13 PM
Pin it down to the bed with ice picks.
How do you catch a cloud?
01-03-2009, 09:27 PM
grab it by the tail
What killed the dinosaurs?
01-03-2009, 09:35 PM
What is the most effective pesticide?
01-03-2009, 09:37 PM
What's the harm in a little fun?
01-03-2009, 09:38 PM
20-30 in the big house
What smells result from use of an electric chair?
01-03-2009, 09:56 PM
Always smells like chicken
Why can't people fly?
01-03-2009, 10:49 PM
Because Santa filled their bones with lead.
Why don't INTJs scream and jump when they see their friends?
01-03-2009, 11:20 PM
Because our ENTP friends beat us to the punch.
Why are feelings so hard to understand?
01-03-2009, 11:21 PM
(LOL you bet your ass that's a wrong answer!)
Because they emerge from the microcosm and evaporate.
What type of tree does rubber come from?
01-03-2009, 11:23 PM
The ever elusive fountain of youth.
When will the bull actually turn red?
01-03-2009, 11:51 PM
When you drop it into a glass of beer.
Will the swallows fly west this year?
01-03-2009, 11:55 PM
No. There has been a drastic temperature change that will force them to dig a hole in the ground and hibernate.
Would you ever burn your own countries flag?
I'd bow before it.
Who's your favorite king?
01-04-2009, 01:45 AM
How come people can see you but they cannot see me?
Eye before sea except after see.
If 7 ate 9, what about 10?
01-04-2009, 01:50 AM
Ten never understood the single digits.
Can you ever pass up an IHOP over a Waffle House?
I hop away to avoid waffling.
Do you pan your cakes?
01-04-2009, 01:55 AM
To also avoid asking a question.
Is 2:30 ever a bad time of day?
01-04-2009, 02:15 AM
01-04-2009, 02:16 AM
I will go ahead and ask the next question.
Is Zzyber the coolest person you have ever known?
Why yes, yes he is. I could go on and on about how really neato he is!
(And I momentarily negate the wrong answer portion of the title of this thread)
Can you put a price on childhood memories.
Yes - 50 cent.
Do you have your childhood memorized?
01-04-2009, 01:02 PM
It was recently uploaded in its entirety to YouTube for archival purposes.
What is the current exchange rate for birds-in-hand to birds-in-bushes?
01-04-2009, 01:04 PM
Due to the recent economic downturn a bird in the hand is worth 1.23 birds in the bush. The government is contemplating a bailout.
How many angels can dance on a nanotube?
01-04-2009, 09:54 PM
The recent study by the religion department at Stanford has concluded that a total of 567.2 Billion angels could never dance on a nanotube.
Will Regan's Star Wars initiative ever prove to have been an intelligent idea?
According to George Lucas it would.
What do Spock and R2D2 have in common?
01-05-2009, 02:30 AM
One liners. ;)
Is being shocked really bad?
01-06-2009, 12:04 AM
Perhaps... I should test this through first hand observations...
Why is space black?
01-06-2009, 12:07 AM
Because it's filled with all of the ink just waiting to be put into pens.
Why isn't freon free?
01-06-2009, 12:40 AM
Because then we would have to give everyone a pet tiger.
Why is an antelope?
01-06-2009, 01:21 AM
Because then we would have to give everyone a pet tiger.
Why is an antelope?
Because there are many an ante, without a canter.
What good is a crackpot?
Almost as good as hitting the jackpot.
What are nerds deficient in?
01-06-2009, 10:29 AM
The ability to act like morons.
Why are you so convinced you know me?
01-06-2009, 10:30 AM
Because I'm conceited like that.
When will pigs fly?
01-06-2009, 10:33 AM
Right around the same time that people start choking on bacon more.
What does living in every day combat mean in a peaceful society?
Blowing each other up for kicks.
What does combat mean for hippies?
01-06-2009, 02:17 PM
Fighting for the last hit off the bong...
What do you get when you cross a chicken and a turkey?
01-06-2009, 02:46 PM
A horribly mutated elephant who clucks when you eat him.
What is the appeal of folding tables?
01-06-2009, 02:54 PM
It's the chance that it could spontaneously collapse in the middle of dinner, or while working on a project... It's one of those risky thrills...for the most boring of people!
What is it that the government doesn't want us to know?
01-06-2009, 03:04 PM
That every time the opportunity for nuclear war occurs they flip a coin over starting one.
Why isn't tea made from tea trees?
01-06-2009, 03:41 PM
Because there was such a shortage that they started using rubber trees instead and have never switched back.
If you had the choice between a Big Mack and a Whopper which would you choose? (I hate commercials for this very reason)
01-06-2009, 03:55 PM
(thanks now I'm hungry for a big fat burger)
Why can't penguins fly?
01-06-2009, 04:02 PM
Their flippers aren't long enough to reach the throttle.
Where do pearls come from?
01-06-2009, 04:08 PM
They are the tears expelled from hippopotamuses.
When in doubt do you guess or rationalize your way out of the situation?
01-06-2009, 05:29 PM
I fake a seizure and let the ambulance get me out of there.
Is there any food products that you love the smell of but hate the taste?
01-06-2009, 08:10 PM
Is it possible to be in love but not have the benefits?
01-06-2009, 08:51 PM
Of course, being in love has absolutely no benefits whatsoever. Love is a master at the jade's trick.
Is Signor Mountanto returned from the wars, or no?
01-06-2009, 09:44 PM
O, he's not returned, and isn't as unpleasant as never he wasn't.
How many roads must a man walk down before you call him a man?
01-06-2009, 09:47 PM
Simply the road to hell, but he is not to come back.
Where have all the cowboys gone to?
(Resisting the impulse to change that to, "To where have all of the cowboys gone?")
01-06-2009, 10:32 PM
What does a marine biologist do?
01-06-2009, 10:33 PM
The one I know runs a coffee shop
How much space is too much space?
01-06-2009, 10:36 PM
That existing between your ears.
How fast does light travel through dark matter, and where does it come out?
01-06-2009, 10:38 PM
It travels about the speed of an antelope. It comes out the President's mouth.
What's a byte?
01-06-2009, 10:50 PM
Why do you snipe?
I do it out of spite.
Do fairies sprite?
01-07-2009, 12:27 AM
Only if they like the fizz.
Is fairy dust really ground up fairies?
01-07-2009, 12:57 AM
No, It's actually what they crap out.
Is there really a super-massive black hole in the center of the Milky Way
01-07-2009, 06:40 AM
No, actually there's a super-massive black cat at the center of the Milky Way (too much Meow Mix). No one can find a way to coax it out of there.
What is snow made of?
01-07-2009, 07:13 AM
Three parts hydrogen and six parts caffeine. That's why people are always trying to catch them on their tongues; so addictive.
Which former President would you assassinate if you had the chance?
01-07-2009, 07:21 AM
Can I have my stapler?
01-07-2009, 07:40 AM
Unfortunately not as it is tagged and bagged with the evidence of the Kennedy fiasco.
Which bottled water scares you the most?
01-07-2009, 07:40 AM
The ones with mud in the bottom.
Do all Harley riders have to wear leather chaps?
01-07-2009, 07:41 AM
Due to regulations put down by the steel workers of America, Yes.
If the speakers are too loud do you turn them down or up?
01-07-2009, 07:46 AM
Up of course
Why is it called duct tape?
01-07-2009, 07:54 AM
Because the initial use of the tape was to close up the tear ducts of overly emotional your girls. However, it was so adhesive that it's use was banned after several unfortunate incidents - but the name stuck (get it..."stuck"...I'm so funny...).
I a bowling ball falls in Fargo, does anyone care?
01-07-2009, 08:50 AM
Only if it was a potential murder weapon... Death by bowling ball.. Ow.
What's the life of an aardvark like?
01-07-2009, 09:31 AM
Extremely anticipating type of lifestyle.
What do you do to get over a cold?
01-07-2009, 09:38 AM
Usually, sitting by a warm fire works. Drinking a hot chocolate is nice too. But moving to a warmer climate is best, if you can afford it.
What causes sunburns?
01-07-2009, 09:53 AM
The suns absolute jealousy of all fair skinned people.
Why is snow white?
01-07-2009, 10:00 AM
Because Disney is racist.
If I have two coins in my hand that equal to 30 cents and one of them is not a nickle; what do I have in my hand?
01-07-2009, 11:59 AM
More money than I currently have in my hand.
Why do salmon swim upstream?
01-07-2009, 01:55 PM
Because the ocean stinks (have you smelled it lately). Honestly, I don't know how anyone could LIVE in there!
Was that gay?
01-07-2009, 02:40 PM
Not that there's anything wrong with that.
Why are carnitas at Chipotle so tasty?
01-07-2009, 02:54 PM
Because I've never been there to try them.
If you shoot green tea out of your nose will it dye your nose hair green?
01-07-2009, 05:38 PM
No, interestingly, purple.
What causes jealousy?
01-07-2009, 08:42 PM
Where can I buy a teleporter?
01-07-2009, 08:43 PM
Toys 'R' Us. They're all the rage in Atlantis.
Want to dance the funky chicken?
01-07-2009, 08:52 PM
No, I wouldn't want to insult the Mega-Ultra-Chicken.
What is the best type of hat to wear on a Sunday morning?
01-07-2009, 08:54 PM
The thinking cap, only then will you realize the waste of your Sunday morning. Oh wait, this is the wrong answer thread.... :p
How does ink come out of pens?
01-07-2009, 10:17 PM
Through a Rube Goldberg Device
What is inside of a mouse?
01-07-2009, 10:22 PM
Tragic amounts of red LED lights filled with blood.
What do Komodo dragons bring to their societies?
01-07-2009, 10:29 PM
Comodore 64s... Originally was supposed to be spelled with a K.... But someone thought it looked stupid and decided the C was more sophisticated.
Where is the love?
01-07-2009, 10:30 PM
At the bottom of a rufee bottle.
Why are you lying to me?
01-07-2009, 10:32 PM
Why is the world flat?
Who invented inventors?
01-07-2009, 10:33 PM
Satan, one last attack to prove that God didn't create everything
What makes baby animals so damn cute?
01-07-2009, 10:42 PM
the ability to turn them inside out and set them on fire...it's adorable!
Where is the nearest spoon?
01-07-2009, 10:44 PM
There is no spoon.
Do you worry that the light bulb will burn out and you wont have a replacement?
01-07-2009, 10:59 PM
No, I'm worried the light bulb will go out and I won't have enough "How many _ does it take to screw in a light bulb" jokes to keep my spirits up while I sit in the dark.
How should you extinguish an electrical fire?
01-07-2009, 10:59 PM
You must throw Everclear on it.
Why do people like donuts?
01-07-2009, 11:01 PM
Because donuts are empty at the core, just like they are.
Who's your daddy?
01-07-2009, 11:02 PM
The question is up for debate as Maury hasn't found him yet.
Can you buy a heart in a jar over the internet?
01-07-2009, 11:06 PM
If you shop at my store.
How many bleeding hearts fit into a three gallon bucket?
01-07-2009, 11:07 PM
Approximately 47.5 if you add the blood as well.
Do you wish you worked at a newspaper?
01-08-2009, 12:03 AM
Yes, currently I work at the oldpaper and frankly it's not as fresh as it used to be.
What does single malt mean?
01-08-2009, 12:13 AM
Its for creatures that undergo one metamorphosis, or malting, in their life. Like butterflies and butter scotchs.
What do you think would happen if were to press that button?
01-08-2009, 12:14 AM
you'd get chicken noodle soup
Why can't I control the weather?
01-08-2009, 12:17 AM
Because you haven't answered your genius questions yet.
What is the maximum amount of dihydrogen monoxide can one human ingest in a day?
01-08-2009, 01:05 AM
It depends on the titer of lemon wedges.
Why are dogs' noses wet?
Why do unicorns have only one horn?
01-08-2009, 07:31 AM
Because the reindeers would get too pissed off if they had two.
What's really at the North Pole?
01-08-2009, 07:32 AM
They origionally had two but the elders of the tribe decided that that made them look too scary so they started cutting the other off at birth. Unfortunatley this lead to their ultimate demise as the three horned spike tail eradicated the species due to their now inability to properly protect themselves.
Snow globes and missle silos.
Why do we not have hover shoes by now?
01-08-2009, 07:44 AM
Actually there are hover shoes, but the Society Against Flying People had them all removed from the market. They are currently stored in a government warehouse next to the Holy Grail.
Is sweet tea wrong?
01-08-2009, 07:49 AM
If it is then I ain't right.
What is tofu really?
Is a southern accent hospitable to communication?
01-08-2009, 08:00 AM
No as it is completely indecipherable when used out of context.
Why do snow globes fascinate people?
01-08-2009, 08:03 AM
The "snow" in a snow globe is actually a brain washing agent and people can't help but be fascinated by them.
What random holiday should be an official holiday that grants everyone the day off?
01-08-2009, 08:08 AM
Zzyber's birthday duh!
What is your favorite holiday?
01-08-2009, 08:12 AM
Thanksgiving - Love a day that gives me the ability to eat like a horse and it's okay!
Heh, why are cops so mean?
01-08-2009, 08:14 AM
We aren't in the truth thread!
(You stinkin' question changer!)
Yes. I now have a lovely collection that I post on my walls to remind me why one day they will find me and throw my ass in jail.
How often do you evade the police with your car?
01-08-2009, 08:16 AM
Hehe, I confused myself. =P
All the time... it never goes so well since my car is BRIGHT ORANGE!?
Do colors have feelings?
01-08-2009, 08:18 AM
Only when you kick them.
Have you even taken a snowball to the face?
01-08-2009, 08:31 AM
Only once, and it was bizarre because it was 90 degrees outside.
Why are Iced Coffees so darn good!?
01-08-2009, 08:32 AM
Because they don't burn your tounge like hot ones do.
Have you ever wished you were either Calvin or Hobbes?
01-08-2009, 08:35 AM
No, I wanted to be Gadget from the Rescue Rangers.
Where can I get an assistant?
01-08-2009, 08:37 AM
The same place I can get one. Hades.
Would you really use it if you got one though? With the amount of playing you do here there must not be a lot of work coming your way. =p
01-08-2009, 08:46 AM
Well yeah, someone has to go get me my iced coffees! I shouldn't have to go get them myself!
Where did Smurfs come from?
01-08-2009, 08:48 AM
The stork. Wrong answer game.
Smurfet was a whore!
When you watch the Transformers do you ever wish the people would get crushed when they stay inside during the transformation?
01-08-2009, 11:59 PM
Well, there was that one time bumblebee got really intoxicated on diesel and that's why the autobots have a strict no pets policy.
Do counting sheep have a union?
01-09-2009, 12:03 AM
They are the union of all integers and infinite spaces between the conscious and the subconscious.
Why do you fly so high in the sky?
01-09-2009, 12:05 AM
I do not recognize the law of gravity as having jurisdiction over me.
Why do I stay up so late when I know I have to work in the morning!
01-09-2009, 12:07 AM
Because you WANT to work ;)
Why do some people have a limp handshake?
01-09-2009, 12:11 AM
because they're made of marshmallow fluff and jellied toes
Where is the taxi driver going?
01-09-2009, 12:13 AM
Into the hood...of your mind.
Why do bad things happen to good people?
01-09-2009, 12:14 AM
Because good is the root of all evil.
How did evil come to be?
01-09-2009, 12:15 AM
He was transformed into the Tekkaman Evil when the Conrads were abducted by aliens (True story).
Why do others last out irrationally?
01-09-2009, 12:24 AM
because no one wants to be first
Where did the big cheese come from?
01-09-2009, 12:25 AM
The mammary galaxy.
Have you constructed a new lightsaber?
01-09-2009, 12:36 AM
out of sparkling eyes, yes
Want to fight me?
01-09-2009, 12:38 AM
I'll throw down anywhere, anytime. (or alternatively, "Not at all" given the nature of this thread)
Do you look forward to your defeat?
01-09-2009, 12:44 AM
My defeat is imminent. (note the thread title)
Where should I bury your body?
01-09-2009, 12:45 AM
I will be beaten so badly I will have no physical body left (Note the thread title).
What do you want me to say to your family after I force you to make an early exit from this world?
01-09-2009, 12:47 AM
"I love you" (repressing the urge to paste the thread title...)
Who will you say goodbye to?
01-09-2009, 12:49 AM
What will be your last thought?
01-09-2009, 12:54 AM
Your last words?
01-09-2009, 12:55 AM
How did you beat me so badly?
What would you say to a full funeral and burial after your violent defeat? Open casket, or course.
01-09-2009, 12:59 AM
How would you feel about being stuffed and mounted over my fireplace?
01-09-2009, 01:01 AM
Your imagination is horrible.
Would you prefer I kill you by sword or with my bare hands?
01-09-2009, 01:03 AM
Where did the sun come from?
01-09-2009, 01:04 AM
It popped out of Uranus.
Why is Uranus blue?
01-09-2009, 01:11 AM
because it can't get a piece of the milky way
What shape is the galaxy?
01-09-2009, 01:14 AM
THe shape of the galaxy is round. Haven't you seen men in black?
Why on earth did they make men in black 2?
01-09-2009, 01:16 AM
because greenpeace lobbied for it
How do you tune a guitar?
01-09-2009, 01:17 AM
Battery powered autotuner. By ear for custom tunings.
EADGBE OR DADGBE?
01-09-2009, 01:24 AM
Where do you keep your diapers?
01-09-2009, 01:25 AM
In a box marked Rahdam.
What do you put in your diapers?
01-09-2009, 01:29 AM
eau de rahdam
Where do you dispose of them?
01-09-2009, 01:31 AM
In my mouth.
What are the 12 steps of the 12 step program?
01-09-2009, 01:36 AM
1. Do not talk about the program.
2. Do NOT talk about the program.
3. Remove your shirt before apologizing to guys.
4. Remove your pants before apologizing to girls.
5. If you go limp, chop it off.
6. If you can't tap that, slap this.
7. One smite at a time.
8. Fingernails must grow as long as they need to.
9. If she yells "stop," you must sew her panties and clothing into a flag and fly it from your chimney.
10. You must stop what you're doing every 6 minutes and sing, "I am a little teapot."
11. You must alternate every 12th word you say with the word, "Balzac".
12. If this is your first night on the program, you have to weep.
How many steps have you completed?
01-09-2009, 01:40 AM
I'm on the Thirteenth Step.
What is the Thirteenth Step?
01-09-2009, 01:42 AM
13. Dig your own grave, fall headlong into it, and accept death.
How are you enjoying it?
01-09-2009, 01:43 AM
Your attempt to provide the Thirteenth step was correct.
What comes after gravity?
01-09-2009, 01:45 AM
How far have you fallen?
01-09-2009, 01:46 AM
I've fallen so far that I came out on top.
Why lift yourself back up to the sun when you can lift the sun to you?
01-09-2009, 01:48 AM
to ascend from the ether
How far can spit travel?
01-09-2009, 01:49 AM
No one can hear you anyway, you may as well try to get their attention more directly.
BRING IT or LEAVE IT ALL OUT THERE?
01-09-2009, 01:52 AM
stop! in the name of gloves
Who composed the national anthem of Zimbabwe?
01-09-2009, 01:55 AM
Aren't you Hanson? Oh, I thought so!
Why are galactic empires always evil?
01-09-2009, 02:14 AM
because the men went from blue to green following a viral outbreak that eliminated alien women from their society
Why aren't balloons sucked to the center of the earth?
01-09-2009, 02:16 AM
That's an awfully light-headed thing to say.
What's the first thing you think when you get a hand addressed envelope with no return address?
01-09-2009, 07:49 AM
What is your first thought upon hearing a new song?
01-09-2009, 07:55 AM
Wonder how bad I can butcher these lyrics...
Why is the sex talk referred to as "the birds and the bees"?
01-09-2009, 08:01 AM
During the early 50's there was an over abundance of said birds and bees and you couldn't walk out of your front door without walking face first into an orgy. Therefore the term the birds and the bees was coined to explain what was going on. Before that it was referred to as the cowboys and indians.
Have you ever blown up on someone and felt remorseful about it?
01-09-2009, 08:12 AM
What's this remorseful you speak of?
What do aliens really look like?
01-09-2009, 08:14 AM
Michael Jackson. (That was far too easy and a bit mean)
When did you stop believing in Santa Claus and the Easter Bunny?
01-09-2009, 08:22 AM
When I saw Mrs. Claus murder the two after she caught them in bed together. (man I'm a sick puppy) After that I knew there couldn't possibly be a Santa or Easter bunny because I watched them get killed....
What's the purpose of head banging?
01-09-2009, 10:01 AM
To cause as much damage to the cerebral cortex as possible to make the music sound better.
Why does your stomach grumble when you are hungry?
01-09-2009, 12:00 PM
Yours grumbles? Mine starts singing show tunes.
What's the capital of Mars?
01-09-2009, 12:10 PM
How many clowns can fit into a VW Beetle?
01-09-2009, 01:19 PM
It's still uncertain... After the last attempt to count where no one ever saw Smiley again... They decided they needed to upgrade to a larger vehicle... They now use PT Cruisers.
Why aren't our eyes like cat's?
01-09-2009, 01:49 PM
Speak for yourself!
Who wants to see the Wizard?
01-09-2009, 01:50 PM
Because Japan has flowers.
Why do peas come in a pod?
01-09-2009, 01:50 PM
Everyone in the clown car. Ever since Smiley went missing they all feel horribly about it and have been searching ever since.
Because if they came in a wrapper then they would just be unhealthy.
Why was the road made of yellow brick?
01-09-2009, 07:35 PM
Because the yellow dog finally relieved his constipation.
Why does the wizard hide behind the curtain?
01-09-2009, 07:53 PM
Public urination is against the law.
Where can I find a decent deal on tires?
At the retirement home.
When does old age start?
01-09-2009, 08:47 PM
After the News at 9.
What channel is price is right on?
01-09-2009, 09:17 PM
All the channels are free if you have the right connections.
Why is it called Taco Bell if I never hear any bells there?
01-09-2009, 09:23 PM
Ding! Fries are done.
How can I fit six gallons of water into a 5 gallon container?
01-09-2009, 09:36 PM
What is the best remedy for leprosy?
01-09-2009, 09:40 PM
Is it really possible to grow old?
01-09-2009, 09:44 PM
No, it is the same all of the time.
Are walls really solid?
01-09-2009, 11:50 PM
No, Scientists have recently published a study saying that most of the mass of atoms comes from the interactions / vibrations of the 6 quarks that make up the protons and neutrons. Not the quarks themselves.
How do they get all that cheese into that little can?
01-09-2009, 11:55 PM
The magically shrink the can in the shrinkifier machine.
Why do people watch reality shows?
01-10-2009, 12:18 AM
Because it's quality television and educational too!
Who marked the death of radio?
Who'd the hamburger happy clown representative for McDonald's?
01-10-2009, 09:39 PM
Someone with the inability to form complete sentences did something and the little kids now pay the price under golden arches using their souls as tokens for the damned.
Where is it?
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