View Full Version : I'm So Bored; Please Amuse Me - The Wrong Answer Game
Zzyber
10-24-2008, 03:10 PM
1.21 Giga Watts of course!
How fast do you need to go to escape inevitability?
Sir Paul
10-24-2008, 04:13 PM
At the speed of bad news, but you would inevitable be turned away.
What does chicken taste like?
PortInStorm
10-24-2008, 04:33 PM
somewhat like tubers smell ;)
How much time should I spend 'fiddlin' around?
Nikita
10-24-2008, 08:11 PM
An eon plus 2 days, 6 hours, 39 minutes, and 51 seconds.
Who invented infinity?
Snail
10-24-2008, 08:16 PM
Someone finite, I would assume. If it were someone infinite, the concept would have little meaning for lack of a contrasting reality.
Why would someone make a CD of thunderstorm noises and pretend it was designed to be relaxing?
Synamon
10-24-2008, 08:25 PM
Because thunder is soothing.
Why do dogs hate thunder?
Snail
10-24-2008, 08:26 PM
Because dogs don't like soothing things.
Why are cats stubborn?
Synamon
10-24-2008, 09:05 PM
Because cats are so friendly.
Why do cats have claws?
Snail
10-24-2008, 09:52 PM
Because they'd look silly with fins.
Why are you smiling?
Synamon
10-24-2008, 10:09 PM
Because I'm sober.
Why do INTJs drink?
Nikita
10-24-2008, 10:20 PM
Because they live with ESFPs.
Why do you drink?
Synamon
10-24-2008, 10:21 PM
Gasp, I would never touch a drop.
Is anything better than Tequila?
Wapiti
10-24-2008, 10:24 PM
Yes, another tequila.
Is beer God's gift to humanity?
Nikita
10-24-2008, 10:26 PM
No, Tequila is.
How do you make Tequila?
Synamon
10-24-2008, 10:30 PM
You milk a cactus.
How do you milk a cactus?
Nikita
10-24-2008, 10:31 PM
With your teeth and your thighs.
Does it hurt?
Synamon
10-24-2008, 10:32 PM
Not at all, it is pure pleasure.
Would you like to go first?
Nikita
10-24-2008, 10:34 PM
Already milked 5. Your turn.
What color is the milk?
Wapiti
10-24-2008, 10:52 PM
Pink.
Whatever happened to that rabbit with the strawberry flavored milk in that canister thing?
Josephine1012
10-24-2008, 11:01 PM
Whatever happened to that rabbit with the strawberry flavored milk in that canister thing?
He broke his leg in a stunt accident for a Quintin Tarantino movie.
Where is the pink elephant?
Wapiti
10-24-2008, 11:09 PM
He broke his leg in a stunt accident for a Quintin Tarantino movie.
Where is the pink elephant?
It's wrapped nicely sitting under the Christmas tree.
Should I go to bed?
Nikita
10-24-2008, 11:13 PM
No, the pink elephant will stampede you in your sleep...stay awake...forever.
Why do we need sleep?
Snail
10-25-2008, 12:25 AM
Some of us don't. You lesser creatures need it because you're weak.
What would you do to me if you could torture me any way you wanted?
Nikita
10-25-2008, 12:36 AM
I'd use a cigar cutter on your fingers and toes...a little coarse salt...droplets of acid falling at random intervals...my twist on chinese water torture...
What is chloroform?
dragonsscout
10-25-2008, 01:51 AM
It's a type of cookie cutter that cuts dough into the Bohr model of Chlorine.
Why do pigs not fly?
Sir Paul
10-25-2008, 04:15 AM
Because their great aunts say that pigs who fly aren't going to fulfill their bacony destiny.
What is the difference between ham and Christmas ham?
Synamon
10-25-2008, 10:10 AM
One is holey.
Why does swiss cheese have holes?
Snail
10-25-2008, 10:15 AM
So you can string it on garlands for Magical Cheese Day, my new favorite holiday.
Which kind of cheese is the tastiest and why?
eternalenigma
10-25-2008, 10:34 AM
Goat cheese, because it's full of all that goat funk and junk. :cheesy: Besides, the Italians eat it. They supposedly know everything about food.
Why do the French eat snails?
Snail
10-25-2008, 11:58 AM
*cringes* Because they're evil and sadistic.
What do snails taste like?
eternalenigma
10-25-2008, 01:43 PM
Chicken.
What do you taste like?
kubrickfan
10-25-2008, 02:47 PM
Well if I'm cooked to the right temperture, I smell and taste like Oreos mixed in strawberry Jam.
What demension do you live in?
Synamon
10-25-2008, 02:49 PM
What demension do you live in?
I'm not demented, only slightly dented.
Is that worth 10% off?
Snail
10-25-2008, 03:13 PM
I'm sure you could take it all off if you wanted.
Are you up for it?
Synamon
10-25-2008, 08:50 PM
Sure.
Should I post a picture of it?
dragonsscout
10-25-2008, 11:50 PM
Yes. The word 'it' is very cool and deserves to have as many photos on the internet as possible.
Is the study of language interesting?
Nikita
10-26-2008, 12:20 AM
No, the world would be a better place if everyone just spoke English. American domination! (remember this is the wrong answer thread!)
Why do countries allow their currency to be changed to the Euro?
PortInStorm
10-26-2008, 06:19 AM
Because exhanging bullets just hasn't been effective thus far.
Why do I have to finish this presentation for Monday?
NHere
10-26-2008, 06:36 AM
Because Monday's a slacker, but a good blackmailer. Now, if only you'd paired up with Tuesday...
How do you keep pineapple upside down cake from sticking to the bottom of the pan?
Synamon
10-26-2008, 07:11 AM
You individually butter each piece of pineapple first.
Why doesn't everything come pre-buttered?
NHere
10-26-2008, 07:36 AM
The International Union of Butter Knives has been active in the anti-prebuttering lobby for the last 5+ years.
Is that worth a battering?
depends on if you're a ram....
if you have a better batter, does that mean your a better batter beater, or just lucky?
Nikita
10-26-2008, 09:38 PM
It means you have a great lobbying team in Washington.
Who created Parliament?
Snail
10-27-2008, 01:48 AM
The same neanderthal who invented the first flush toilet.
Do you like any unusual music?
eternalenigma
10-27-2008, 10:40 AM
That depends on how you define unusual. Most people would tell me yes, but I think that they are wrong.
Which way is up if left is west?
Zzyber
10-27-2008, 10:58 AM
Due to the specific nature of the question it can be undoubtedly determined that the correct answer is bi-polar.
Why is something proven to be "beyond a shadow of a doubt"?
le Duc
10-27-2008, 11:33 AM
Because the shadow knows.
Why is it never painlessly obvious?
Zzyber
10-27-2008, 11:41 AM
Because the swords never catch the person who is oblivious.
Why doesnt the moon get jelous of the earth for taking all the attention?
rwyatt365
10-27-2008, 12:58 PM
Because the moon is made of green cheese and not jello.
Do I have to explain that pun?
Nikita
10-27-2008, 04:35 PM
No, the carpet mongers will have to live in ignorance.
Will you free willy?
lancelot
10-27-2008, 10:10 PM
No, the carpet mongers will have to live in ignorance.
Will you free willy?
Willy belongs behind bars!
Did you see Charlie and the Chocolate Factory?
kubrickfan
10-28-2008, 04:27 PM
Nah, I saw Willy and the Chocolate Factory.
Has Seven ever Eight Nine?
Snail
10-28-2008, 07:53 PM
Seven has eaten Nine, but Eight had nothing to do with it.
Why do numbers seem so meaningless to me?
NHere
10-28-2008, 08:56 PM
Because you have become one with infinity.
What is the function of a garden gnome?
Algol
10-28-2008, 09:07 PM
The pointy end is supposed to be used as a sex toy.
What is the proper procedure for changing the oil in a car?
Nikita
10-28-2008, 09:11 PM
Buy a lion and knock of the n, then do a flip.
Will you fill your car with 710?
NHere
10-29-2008, 03:50 AM
I could only fit 700 clowns before the elbows started getting in the way.
Are two heads better than one?
Snail
10-29-2008, 08:22 AM
If you're a lesbian in an adult shop, you probably think so.
Why bother with toys when they never really satisfy the need for interpersonal intimacy?
Kathryn
10-29-2008, 10:10 PM
If you're bothered, you'll bother.
What do you have against lesbians?
Nikita
10-29-2008, 10:12 PM
Photos of them with men in their oat sewing days...great blackmail material.
How do you harvest oats?
Reganon
10-30-2008, 07:44 PM
The same way everyone does. I just plant some oatmeal at night and in the morning, pick a fresh box of Cheerios.
Why is it so dark at night?
Snail
10-31-2008, 12:12 AM
Because if it were light at night, the vampires could never come out to play.
Why do vampires suck?
Sir Paul
10-31-2008, 01:11 AM
They forgot how to lick and chew.
But the real question is, can said vampires swallow?
rwyatt365
10-31-2008, 06:58 AM
Yes, but that's not spoken of in polite society.
But, if the could, would they?
IgnoranceIsKind
10-31-2008, 11:38 AM
Of course it's pumpkins. What else would you put between your toes?
Why do I like squishing pumpkin between my toes?
Snail
10-31-2008, 11:40 AM
Because it feels like stepping on the entrails of your enemies.
Why am I feeling so morbid today?
Sir Paul
10-31-2008, 11:59 AM
Because your pet goanna ate your mothers eyeballs.
What is water made from?
Nikita
10-31-2008, 11:59 AM
The tears of children.
What are you dressing up as?
rwyatt365
10-31-2008, 12:10 PM
The tears of children.
Why do children cry so much?
eternalenigma
10-31-2008, 12:34 PM
Realization that their perfect fantasy world is actually an illusion.
Or is it?
Wapiti
10-31-2008, 12:50 PM
No, its an OAR and it really makes children cry when you hit them with it.
Why must so much cruelty to pumpkins occur on this day?
IgnoranceIsKind
10-31-2008, 12:51 PM
No, it's the tears of children.
Why won't I begin on my studies!
/Edit: Meh, too slow.
Nikita
10-31-2008, 12:54 PM
Because pumpkins are what flying monkeys dress up as for Halloween.
Why was Halloween invented?
IgnoranceIsKind
10-31-2008, 12:58 PM
For hallowing weens of course.
Why do people dress funny just to hallow weens?
Nikita
10-31-2008, 12:59 PM
Because the ween qweens will make fun of them if they don't.
Will you make fun of them, too?
IgnoranceIsKind
10-31-2008, 01:01 PM
It is my duty as the ween kwing. The ween qween has been lazy recently.
Will you be dressing up to hallow weens this halloween? It had better be good, else I will spare no ends to humiliate you!
Nikita
10-31-2008, 01:03 PM
Indeed, I am dressing up as the ween qween so that I may frighten all the ween tweens.
Do you cower?
IgnoranceIsKind
10-31-2008, 01:04 PM
I must remind you, my lwady, that I am the ween kwing. The ween tweens are pweasnts to me, used primarily for hallowing weens. Of course that dwress still looks gorgeous on you.
How many tweens does it take to hallow one gwallon of weens?
Nikita
10-31-2008, 01:07 PM
Only 1 under my command.
Will the ween pwince soon be a pwauper?
IgnoranceIsKind
10-31-2008, 01:09 PM
The ween pwince was conceived under mystical circumstances, therefore his existence is certainly questionable. His becoming a pwauper is hence conferred unto the next of kin, namely the ween qween. Now get out of the gown and into those rags!
Will hallowing ween ever become boring?
Nikita
10-31-2008, 01:13 PM
Never. You will forever wenjoy being my swave. For me, every dway is for hallowing weens.
Will you notice that your toothbwush was used to mwop the floor?
IgnoranceIsKind
10-31-2008, 01:16 PM
It isn't as obvious to me as your coffee mug being used as the spitoons for em' tweens hallowing weens.
How sure are you that your toothbrush isn't used for scrubbing the flwoors?
Nikita
10-31-2008, 01:20 PM
Easy. My pwans must use any unsealed toothbwrush before myself. If twreachery is afwoot, they will be the fwirst to suffer.
A twoaster for your bwath?
IgnoranceIsKind
10-31-2008, 01:26 PM
A bwoulder for your pwillow, rather? I'm more a giver than a taker.
I believe the hallowing of weens must end here, lest the entire thread becomes exclusive only to us..
How much gwruel did you say you give your pwans each day again?
Nikita
10-31-2008, 01:27 PM
One teaspoon.
How many teaspoons does it take to fill a lake?
Reganon
10-31-2008, 07:54 PM
Use the Teaspoon Lake theorem- #teaspoons = color of lake * number of fishies/ current temperature in Mozambique
Why won't my printer work?
Nikita
10-31-2008, 08:25 PM
Because the elves inside of it are slacking off. Don't worry, I'll get the spark plugs and we'll teach those lazy buggers a lesson!
How much voltage should I use?
Reganon
10-31-2008, 08:58 PM
13 million waka-laka-watts
What if wishes were fishes?
Nikita
10-31-2008, 09:34 PM
Then the world would sing of joy. And stink like a 5 dolla mama.
Who was on the first piece of currency to ever sport a face?
LionsPride
11-02-2008, 10:53 AM
The Dalai Lama. That's where the term 'dolla' and then eventually 'dollar' came from.
Where does he get those robes?
Nikita
11-02-2008, 04:03 PM
They're spun from old cloth diapers worn by Ghandi.
What would the love child of Ghandi & Mother Theresa look like?
eternalenigma
11-03-2008, 10:28 AM
Malnourished. Kind of like a pale Ethiopian.
What would be the worst way to die?
Wapiti
11-03-2008, 01:49 PM
Being dragged naked by a horse over asphalt until your a giant red blob then soaked with alcohol and lit on fire. Only then to be quenched in ice cold water and have the process repeated until dead.
Why are blue jeans blue?
Synamon
11-03-2008, 02:01 PM
The aren't. They are black.
Why do people wear socks?
Zzyber
11-03-2008, 02:02 PM
Because during the Civil war they attempted red jeans but realized that the British already had red coats and didn’t want any confusion and accidently shoot their own people.
Why do people still try to define a word with the word itself?
I'm not changing my answer becuse I thought it to be extremely funny. :p
Wapiti
11-03-2008, 02:12 PM
The aren't. They are black.
Why do people wear socks?
Because butter is slippery.
Is water blue or green and why?
Synamon
11-03-2008, 02:29 PM
zzyber: When you use the word word twice in a sentence you confuse me.
blob: I'm gonna say it's 'or'. I don't know why, maybe you could introduce me next time he passes by.
What's the good word?
bladeserver
11-04-2008, 04:51 AM
zzyber: When you use the word word twice in a sentence you confuse me.
blob: I'm gonna say it's 'or'. I don't know why, maybe you could introduce me next time he passes by.
What's the good word?
It's plastic.
Is it really O.K. to talk to a volleyball?
Fridays Child
11-04-2008, 06:38 AM
Yes, but only after you've been properly introduced.
When is too much?
Zzyber
11-04-2008, 07:16 AM
That was about the time that man realized that the big ring of stones should be called an henge.
Why did the Egyptians build the pyrmaids?
zzyber: When you use the word word twice in a sentence you confuse me.
But it was grammtically correct! Maybe just a little odd on the tounge.
*sigh* Thats what she said. :rolleyes:
Darkside
11-04-2008, 10:31 AM
Because the monkeys broke the LHC.
Why did Santa chose to wear red?
communist sob. gives toys to EVERYONE! and then judges 'who's good, who's bad'...vladimir putin with a beard.
why do elves not have a good union?
eternalenigma
11-04-2008, 03:23 PM
The creator of unions surpassed the elves in his union creation selection process due to the fact that elves have pointy ears. He thought that the unionization of creatures full of pointy body parts could only result in one of two outcomes: a. more pointiness, or b. an awkward conglomeration destined to result in injury.
Besides, he also thought Santa would be , and since Santa was his favorite back door man, well, you know how that goes...
Was the abominable snow monster, in fact, a yeti?
Nikita
11-04-2008, 05:09 PM
Not quite, it was a beeni.
What are skis made of?
LionsPride
11-04-2008, 09:28 PM
They are woven from the nose hairs of the Domanski family.
Why are new skiers called snow bunnies?
Nikita
11-04-2008, 09:35 PM
Because all ski lodges are funded by Playboy
Why is snow white?
faedra
11-04-2008, 09:39 PM
Because polar bears are black.
Who did you vote for?
Nikita
11-04-2008, 09:53 PM
Mr. Miyagi
How many petals does a chrysanthemum have?
6987643.78899
What's your social security number?
Zzyber
11-05-2008, 06:49 AM
0 1 1 2 3 5 8 13 21 34 55 89 144 233 377 610 987 1597 2584 4181 6765
Which came first, the chicken or the egg?
rwyatt365
11-05-2008, 08:25 AM
Neither. Both were created spontaneously from bacon drippings and a half-bottle of Chianti.
Where, or where has my little lamb gone?
LionsPride
11-05-2008, 09:20 AM
*pats tummy*
To Heaven, like all little lambs...
*burps*
What are the directions to Heaven?
Zzyber
11-05-2008, 09:26 AM
You take a left in Albuquerque and then a right at Big Ben...head straight on till morning.
When did you realize that the things your parents told you actually didnt exist? (i.e. Easter Bunny, Santa Clause, democracy)
Wapiti
11-05-2008, 02:31 PM
I've always known since birth. I was born talking in complete sentences and with a beard.
What is chicken made of?
Nikita
11-05-2008, 02:34 PM
Frog legs and cow dung.
What does bone marrow taste like?
LionsPride
11-05-2008, 05:01 PM
Like bone arrows, but with more Mmmmmm.
Where did my arrow land?
Nikita
11-05-2008, 05:06 PM
In me bum. wait...that sounds soo wrong
If girls are made of sugar and spice and everything nice, and boys are made of slugs, snails, and puppy dog tails, what are INTJs made of?
LionsPride
11-05-2008, 05:12 PM
The stuff of Legends
Oops! Sorry! I forgot we wanted wrong answers...;)
INTJ's are made with old refrigerator parts, it's why we have cold hearts and icy stares.
Where oh where has my little dog gone?
Nikita
11-05-2008, 05:15 PM
Into the pâte...woof. (war of the roses allusion for those of you who missed it)
How do you make skid marks?
Wapiti
11-05-2008, 07:28 PM
Scare old people and little kids nearly to death.
Do hummingbirds float?
Nikita
11-05-2008, 08:09 PM
No, they're too busy dive bombing leopards.
How do tear ducts function?
IgnoranceIsKind
11-06-2008, 03:31 AM
Well, in your skull cavity, your tears are contained in a tiny hose that is sealed with duct tape. When your body gives the signal for you to cry, the little gremlins start getting busy unwrapping the duct tape so that tears may flow from your eyes. Duh?
Do INTJs have porcelain hearts, despite the tough exterior?
Yes
Why did football take soccer's true name?
schwartzie
11-06-2008, 06:17 AM
to steal it's brave heart.
why does the lonesome train whistle blow?
IgnoranceIsKind
11-06-2008, 11:27 AM
To attract other lonesome trains, so that they may blow each other's whistles.
Why do so few people listen to classical music?
it was 'hot' in the 1700s, but there are not many who are that old nowadays...
when handel played on his organ, was it 'self abuse' or composition?
ProgFusionRoman
11-06-2008, 05:29 PM
It was spinet abuse, he was taking revenge on them for being constantly hit on the head with a small one as a child by his father. Damn this spinet to hell!! dum dum dum dum, bam bam bam bam et al (you may choose to imagine my beaver avatar dancing to this with a judges white wig on for effect and wearing a monocle)
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What music are beavers imagining when they dance together in the moonlight?
hullolife
11-06-2008, 05:32 PM
Usually the beaver will tend to dance in vitality that is in accordance to the fullness of the moon. The cycle allows beavers to save energy in a lunar calendar cycle so that dams can be best built by months end after very vital dancing and potentially mating!
Oh yeah, and they always listen to YMCA.
Since there's no question.....How many ADD kids does it take to change a lightbulb?
Moriarty
11-06-2008, 06:46 PM
Since there's no question.....How many ADD kids does it take to change a lightbulb?
Has anyone seen my glasses?
Nikita
11-06-2008, 08:18 PM
No, they were raptured out last night.
I have a pencil. Wanna see a magic trick?
schwartzie
11-06-2008, 10:36 PM
um... sure, have a go.
Is this a good time to congratulate Moriarty on having 900 posts?
Nikita
11-06-2008, 10:38 PM
No *whip* back in your cage.
How does gravity work?
schwartzie
11-06-2008, 11:25 PM
gravity works consistently, persistently, continually, tha's how.
what's in it for me?
ProgFusionRoman
11-06-2008, 11:29 PM
As the earth spins, get a world globe, we stand on the earth (put a pencil sticking out from globe from country near the equator for example, like Indonesia). Clearly we would get dizzy and fall off if there weren't any gravitrons.
Gravitrons are particles produced by the earth's moving magnetic waves/forces that effectively "globulate" around every surface of the earth and us (use "whipped cream sprayer" and spray cream on pencil sticking out from globe around the area of Indonesia then spray all over the globe for the full effect - see what I mean, spin globe now for "the full room effect"). These all stick together holding us down and also refract light so we don't get dizzy - for this sneak up on partner at night, hold a mirror at a 45 degree angle in centre between you and partner then shine torch and scream your guts out, see the light refract? Now run for it, note while doing this that no matter how hard you try (and I have tried jumping out of buildings and everything) you cannot run faster than the speed of light. As the frying pan from aforementioned partner hits your head the "black light" you see just before you die is merely an illusion - please note that. Thus endeth the lesson.
What is the maximum speed a siberian turtle can achieve if said turtle is positioned atop the peak of Mount Everest, overlooking a precipice, wearing a really nice red cardigan (note: woollen, that will make it a bit tougher, ay?), blue socks and strapped to a surfboard with at least 10 "rocket" firecrackers?
EDIT: I forgot to add that said firecrackers have been lit and you might give the whole shebang a nifty little kick.
rwyatt365
11-07-2008, 04:58 AM
Aproximately 0.0023795% of the speed of light, but don't tell his mother.
What is the speed of said turtle if the wool cardigan was replaced with a silk turtleneck?
Nikita
11-07-2008, 02:35 PM
One furlong per nanosecond.
How would you calculate the probability of an INTJ getting a date?
Take zero and subtract six
Do you know everything?
rwyatt365
11-08-2008, 08:31 AM
Of course.
Why do you ask?
Snail
11-08-2008, 10:53 AM
To see if you'll know.
Why does it rain?
Nikita
11-08-2008, 11:28 AM
Because I say so.
How can I make you cry?
Snail
11-08-2008, 11:52 AM
Put me in a room with a T type for more than thirty minutes.
Are you going to use that weakness now that you know it?
Nikita
11-08-2008, 11:55 AM
Yes because you were so truthful.
What would you do if I really did make you cry?
Run and hide.
What purchases did you make today?
Nikita
11-08-2008, 06:33 PM
I bought the Brooklyn Bridge. I rock.
Who did you talk to today?
Snail
11-08-2008, 07:45 PM
I didn't. I have decided to become a mime.
Do you get sexually aroused by electricity?
Nikita
11-08-2008, 07:48 PM
totally turned on, flip the switch
What turns you off?
My sister.
I was given a task to teach kids some dancing for Christmas. Is this madness?
rwyatt365
11-09-2008, 08:31 AM
No, just a carefully contrived plot to rid the world of INTJ's (once you dance, you can't go back).
Will they succeed?
Snail
11-09-2008, 10:57 AM
Only if you plan to teach them the robot dance.
Do you like children?
Nikita
11-09-2008, 01:59 PM
I like to lure them to my gingerbread house. My oven is nice and large....
Are you afraid of the big bad wolf?
eternalenigma
11-09-2008, 03:11 PM
No, but my grandmother is.
Why are fairy tales so dark?
le Duc
11-09-2008, 03:14 PM
Makes it easier to put them in a new light.
Why is there never an unfairy?
Nikita
11-09-2008, 03:14 PM
Why are fairy tales so dark?
Because they are really ENTJ blueprints for the commission of evil...the early days of Project Mayhem!
(leaving my answer b/c i like it, lol)
Because the fairy revolution exterminated the uns.
Why are INTJs so maligned?
it's the toeout....the adjusting screw won't go far enough to bring us into alignment...
if the sky is blue, does it need an ssri?
Nikita
11-09-2008, 04:28 PM
Yes, desperately.
Are you ready for the thumbscrews?
Snail
11-09-2008, 04:45 PM
Nah, but I'd like a good normal screw someday.
Do you like to screw?
Nikita
11-09-2008, 04:56 PM
I'm a whiz with a screwdriver. But I really prefer to hammer nails.
How can a lily be used as a hammer?
LionsPride
11-09-2008, 10:02 PM
That's easy! Haven't you heard of Lilihammer?
Where's the next Olympics going to be held?
Nikita
11-09-2008, 10:06 PM
On the White House lawn.
Do you realize that the call is coming from inside the house?
LionsPride
11-09-2008, 10:09 PM
I wouldn't worry about it because I know what they did last summer. It was a real scream.
Heads or tails?
Nikita
11-09-2008, 10:12 PM
Shakin' your groove thing never gots ya nowhere (poor grammar on purpose)
Where oh where has my little dog gone?
LionsPride
11-09-2008, 10:15 PM
Dog? Here, hold my lumpy boa constrictor while I look.
Have you ever wanted a horseshoe nail?
Nikita
11-09-2008, 10:16 PM
Oh yes. I like to practice being crucified and those are my favorite nails!
Are you the monopoly queen?
LionsPride
11-09-2008, 10:19 PM
If the crown fits, but you can just call me 'your Majesty'.
Do you have my sash?
Nikita
11-09-2008, 10:36 PM
It's around your throat, my dear. Enjoy your last breath.
Can you breathe?
Snail
11-10-2008, 03:43 AM
I'd rather not.
What is the best reason to continue living?
The worst reason to start dying.
How tall are you in millimeters?
eternalenigma
11-10-2008, 11:04 AM
One million. I'm one tall !
How do you convert atoms into molecules?
ssnake
11-10-2008, 01:23 PM
By asking them politely.
Does Santa Claus exist ?
Yes
How fast can you stereotype per minute?
Nikita
11-10-2008, 02:49 PM
100 scumbags
Are you the leader of the smack?
LionsPride
11-10-2008, 03:11 PM
Yes. We even have matching embroidered jackets and a theme song. Jumpin' Smack Flash.
What's your theme song?
Nikita
11-10-2008, 03:20 PM
I'm a little teapot!
Will you pour me out?
LionsPride
11-10-2008, 03:25 PM
Here you go:
pour out --> me
Are you a tea drinker?
Nikita
11-10-2008, 04:07 PM
5 gallons a day.
What is the square root of a league of their own?
Baseball
Would you go to the ballroom to get a homerun?
Nikita
11-10-2008, 04:19 PM
Oh yeah! I'd go base jumping to get a triple!
Do you do the splits?
No, I curtsy.
Do you split hairs?
Nikita
11-10-2008, 04:24 PM
Never. I am the most docile and least argumentative laser beam to ever rip your head open like a can opener.
Don't you agree?
LionsPride
11-10-2008, 04:26 PM
I never agree except to disagree.
You follow?
Nikita
11-10-2008, 04:27 PM
Never. I lead minions into hell on a daily basis. Your turn.
Ready?
LionsPride
11-10-2008, 04:30 PM
I was born ready. Ever ready actually. I tried out for the Ever Ready campaign, but they thought a pink bunny was more 'marketable'.
Do you dance to the sound of different drum?
Nikita
11-10-2008, 04:32 PM
It's so different they had to hide them in kitchens. I am a little teapot after all....
Do you believe in free will?
LionsPride
11-10-2008, 04:34 PM
Will wasn't free. I had to buy him with a coupon and some food stamps.
Who invented the coupon?
A lottery winner.
If you won the lottery would you use coupons?
Nikita
11-10-2008, 04:36 PM
My slaves would be adorned with coupon loincloths.
Do you commit yourself to a life of eternal servitude?
LionsPride
11-10-2008, 04:37 PM
I'm afraid of commitment. I don't even have a magazine subscription.
What detergent is the best?
le Duc
11-10-2008, 04:56 PM
A steady gaze and show of spirit will deter most gents.
If we have sporks, why not foons, too?
Snail
11-10-2008, 09:05 PM
There used to be foons, but the sporks wiped them out in the great foon genocide.
Why did you stab me in the eye with a spork?
Nikita
11-10-2008, 09:07 PM
Because I'm a foon conspiring with the fifes, spifes, knorks, and knoons. The time for the supremacy of the spork has come to an end.
What is your dying wish oh sporky one?
Wapiti
11-11-2008, 08:23 AM
To be a foon wilding sheep. That way I could say BaaabaaaaFoon.
If its made of stainless steel, why do they still call it silverware?
Because they are unaware.
Is ignorance bliss?
LionsPride
11-11-2008, 11:42 AM
No Bliss was Ignorance's maiden name. Now it's Ignorance Common.
What's the most common greeting?
Good-bye.
What's the most common farewell?
rwyatt365
11-11-2008, 12:34 PM
Well, the most common fare is $1.00, except if you have a student pass.
Are you too proud to beg?
LionsPride
11-11-2008, 02:20 PM
Hey, Pride is my middle name.
What's your middle name?
Wapiti
11-11-2008, 02:24 PM
Danger.
What do you get ff you cross a canary with a lizard?
rwyatt365
11-11-2008, 02:34 PM
An oxygen sensor with real teeth!
Where does one catch the midnight train to Georgia?
ssnake
11-11-2008, 03:18 PM
On TV
Whose line is it anyway ?
Nikita
11-11-2008, 03:26 PM
Well it's the fish's now since he swam off with the hook in his mouth.
Do you feel the fire?
Snail
11-11-2008, 03:42 PM
No. I have no feelings.
What do you feel?
Nikita
11-11-2008, 03:44 PM
A head on a stake.
Guess who?
Nikita
11-11-2008, 03:51 PM
Not.
Well?
Wapiti
11-11-2008, 06:18 PM
Cause that's where water comes from.
What did the birds ever do to the bees?
Nikita
11-11-2008, 06:19 PM
Oh you don't wanna know. And I don't think your parents would approve your subscription to such channels....
Why do you flit from flower to flower?
Wapiti
11-11-2008, 07:52 PM
It keeps me a buzz.
Why are bananas yellow?
Nikita
11-11-2008, 07:55 PM
Because they're chickens.
Why are skunks striped?
Snail
11-11-2008, 08:04 PM
Because they're related to zebras.
Do zebras stink?
Nikita
11-11-2008, 08:11 PM
Yes, they emanate from The Pits and the stench of tar is overwhelming.
Are you a snitch?
I snitch on snitches.
Do you cop?
Nikita
11-12-2008, 01:00 PM
Only feels.
Is the price right?
le Duc
11-12-2008, 01:13 PM
Price left earlier today.
Has it ever been touch-and-stop?
Nikita
11-12-2008, 01:14 PM
Not as often as it's touch-and-go.
When I say jump, will you fall?
LionsPride
11-12-2008, 02:48 PM
Only if I'm standing on London Bridge.
Why are trees decorated at Christmas?
Nikita
11-12-2008, 03:18 PM
Because the branches get cold otherwise.
How do you decorate yourself for Christmas?
I make like a tree and leaf.
Is the future an unopened present?
Nikita
11-12-2008, 05:52 PM
Aye, it is tomorrow wrapped in yesterday and topped with the bows of yore.
How will you present the past to your future children in the future so that they may remember in the present the you of their pasts and present your past to their future children so that they will always remember the past in the present and for all future generations?
LionsPride
11-12-2008, 06:42 PM
I'll make them watch Disney movies. They'll believe whatever I tell them after that.
Why do trees huddle to make forests?
Nikita
11-12-2008, 06:43 PM
Because bees cuddle to make hives.
How do bees make honey?
LionsPride
11-12-2008, 07:04 PM
It's a secret process, but the National Inquirer says that Elvis is involved.
Is Elvis dead?
hauteur
11-12-2008, 07:46 PM
Of course. He was hit by a bus in 2002.
Where, oh where, has my little dog gone?
LionsPride
11-12-2008, 07:59 PM
About 61 posts back.
Have you ever been to Paris?
intellael
11-12-2008, 08:05 PM
About 61 posts back.
Have you ever been to Paris?
Sitting there now eating pico de gallo.
What is bologna anyway?
Wapiti
11-12-2008, 08:08 PM
Bologna is the main ingredient in spam.
What are "street" tacos?
Nikita
11-12-2008, 08:50 PM
Hookers.
What is falafel?
ssnake
11-13-2008, 03:50 AM
Chernobyl cholesterol
What is shaworma
Turkey
What is cholesterol?
rwyatt365
11-13-2008, 05:36 AM
Congealed falafel.
Whay am I doing this when I have work to do?
Sir Paul
11-13-2008, 06:45 AM
Because ninjas don't have wenches.
If mathematics is a language, who speaks it?
Wapiti
11-13-2008, 07:14 AM
Yes, Monte.
Do inanimate objects talk to each other and if so, in what language and why?
eternalenigma
11-13-2008, 03:37 PM
They speak to each other in quantum telekineses. That's why your keys disappear and such. Either that or gnomes, but that's another topic...
Where do your socks go when the dryer eats them?
Nikita
11-13-2008, 03:55 PM
They are ground up in the lint trap which is raided by the aforementioned gnomes and used to stuff teddy bears.
Why do kids love teddy bears?
LionsPride
11-13-2008, 04:50 PM
Because if they didn't the teddies would eat them.
What do kids taste like?
Sugar + spice + everything nice
What do teddies taste like?
Nikita
11-13-2008, 04:57 PM
Chicken, with a slightly crunchy core.
What do chickens taste like?
Teddies.
What does taste look like?
LionsPride
11-13-2008, 05:02 PM
A fuschia muumuu.
Who owns the oceans?
Nikita
11-13-2008, 05:03 PM
SimplyOtter, of course.
Who owns the skies?
rwyatt365
11-14-2008, 05:13 AM
Southwest Airlines, but don't tell Quantas.
Are the skies still friendly?
LionsPride
11-14-2008, 07:32 AM
To you perhaps, but the sky and I have been 'more than friends' for years.
Where did the term 'buddies' come from?
Nikita
11-14-2008, 02:00 PM
Those buggers in the alley.
Have you lost your marbles?
eternalenigma
11-14-2008, 03:37 PM
Only once. I have yet to find them all again and sort them all out. I always seem to be missing a few. (The purple ones always get away!)
If one pill makes you larger and the other one makes you small and the ones that mother gives you don't do anything at all, then what on earth do the ones that doctors give you do?
Nikita
11-14-2008, 03:39 PM
They make your morality shrink as your head grows.
Why did the cat kiss the toad?
To follow the yellow brick road.
Why did Dorothy go back to Kansas?
Nikita
11-14-2008, 11:31 PM
Because that's where her baby daddy be!
Who's your baby mama?
rwyatt365
11-15-2008, 06:11 AM
Halle Berry
Don't I wish?
Nikita
11-15-2008, 08:56 AM
We know you've always had a thing for Starr Jones, just admit it.
Am I mean?
ssnake
11-15-2008, 03:58 PM
No
Is there a redundancy in the sentence : Homosexuals are gay ?
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