I Hate being an INTJ

[azzurro]

I really do.

I hate having to analyze everything before I act.
I hate being way too logical and serious.
I hate having social anxiety and not a big talker.
I hate being low energy and perceived as having negative energy.
I hate having to have a master plan and be rigid about everything.
I hate second guessing myself.
I hate that my way of thinking sabotages my relationships.
I hate having to gauge my life by productivity measures (happiness) instead of emotional ones.

The list goes on and on but I want to be a happy, social person that doesn't take life too serious and is fun to be around. Fellow InTJers how to I go about making substantial changes to my life?

I'm serious

[freeeekyyy]

Well, you can't change who you are, but you can grow and mature. The way to do that is to learn more about the system and how it works, and make a conscious effort to develop your lower functions. A mature Fi will help to alleviate much of the social anxiety, for instance. Se helps to prevent overanalysis, etc. You just need to do some growing up. That's not meant as an insult, by the way.

[azzurro]

Thanks for the advice. I've always thought I need to grow down and not take things so seriously and just go with the flow.

[JulietCapulet]

I really do.

I hate having to analyze everything before I act.
It's good that you analyze rather than acting out of impulse and making a HUGE mistake. People who don't think carefully before they act can really really hurt others.

I hate being way too logical and serious.
There is nothing wrong with being serious...people that are clowns and don't take anything seriously can end up being very disrespectful and not responsible.

I hate having social anxiety and not a big talker.
I am not INTJ and I have social anxiety sometimes.

I hate being low energy and perceived as having negative energy.
I am low energy often when people hurt my feelings which is a lot since I'm NF.

I hate having to have a master plan and be rigid about everything.
At least someone has a plan.

I hate second guessing myself.
I hate second guessing myself too and I am not INTJ.

I hate that my way of thinking sabotages my relationships.
I think the majority of people do things now and then to sabotage their relationships.

I hate having to gauge my life by productivity measures (happiness) instead of emotional ones.
At least you are not a waterfall of gushy emotions that annoy everyone and no one takes you seriously anymore.

The list goes on and on but I want to be a happy, social person that doesn't take life too serious and is fun to be around. Fellow InTJers how to I go about making substantial changes to my life?

I'm serious

[7331NeMeSiS]

Buddy, chill out. Those traits are Godly, and make us who we are cause we're always changing/perfecting everything. It's what sets us appart from the rest.

It's the reason we're a mere 1%, why we earn so much and why we're so good at what we put our minds to.

[JulietCapulet]

Buddy, chill out. Those traits are Godly, and make us who we are cause we're always changing/perfecting everything. It's what sets us appart from the rest.

It's the reason we're a mere 1%, why we earn so much and why we're so good at what we put our minds to.

Godly? Ok.

[music221]

I really do.

I hate having to analyze everything before I act.
I hate being way too logical and serious.
I hate having social anxiety and not a big talker.
I hate being low energy and perceived as having negative energy.
I hate having to have a master plan and be rigid about everything.
I hate second guessing myself.
I hate that my way of thinking sabotages my relationships.
I hate having to gauge my life by productivity measures (happiness) instead of emotional ones.

The list goes on and on but I want to be a happy, social person that doesn't take life too serious and is fun to be around. Fellow InTJers how to I go about making substantial changes to my life?

I'm serious

First thing I suggest you do is stop hating yourself and instead embrace who you are. Next stop second guessing yourself as your intuition is probably right most of the time. Having a master plan is good and I know that we INTJs tend to think of every possibility conceivable but really this is where you need to ease up a bit. This will only create stress for you if you continue to dwell upon it. Just relax a bit and remember to live for today, experience what you can when the opportunity presents itself. Learn to let go and take some chances. There are only so many certainties in life and one one of them is, you'll never make it out alive. So make the most of it and choose to be happy and live with out regret. I seriously hope that this helps you as I was once in the same mindset long ago.

[repartee]

Sure you could superficially change, would you be any happier, probably not. You just haven't met the right people, at the right time, in the right place yet. Key word, yet, get out there and experience new things until you find something that matches YOU, and not something you feel you have to change your personality to have.

I have spent my whole life 'acting' trying to find happiness, it can't be done.

[7331NeMeSiS]

Godly? Ok.
I might have had just a little too much wine tonight, but I'd still consider those trait's Godly. Nothing meant on a religous level, just that I strive to those value's because they are just and fair.

[larrysb]

I really do.

I hate having to analyze everything before I act.
I hate being way too logical and serious.
I hate having social anxiety and not a big talker.
I hate being low energy and perceived as having negative energy.
I hate having to have a master plan and be rigid about everything.
I hate second guessing myself.
I hate that my way of thinking sabotages my relationships.
I hate having to gauge my life by productivity measures (happiness) instead of emotional ones.

The list goes on and on but I want to be a happy, social person that doesn't take life too serious and is fun to be around. Fellow InTJers how to I go about making substantial changes to my life?

I'm serious


INTJ is not a sentence or a diagnosis. It's just a color chart or a map of the continents. It does not mean you can't possess or use other colors or visit other continents.

The problems you mentioned are not necessarily even part of being an INTJ. A lot of these sound like complexes related to inner conflicts. Second guessing yourself, relationship issues, the way you gauge your life are all inner values. Getting to know yourself, the inner, non-ego parts of your mind and integrate them into your conscious mind and into the greater self will help a lot.

Something in particular to remember is to feed your creative side. Give your imagination physical form in some way. Make art, build things, paint, draw, carve, weld, garden, something real in the physical world. Just let it happen without all the analyzing. Box of crayons and paper for instance. Just let your hands draw what they will.

Look inward and settle the storm within yourself. You will feel yourself become more centered and peaceful and the world around you will too. People sense that in others and it is a very attractive state.

For me, a Jungian approach has been very enlightening, particular as I find myself in the middle of life. You may find that helpful or some other pursuit may work for you.

[panzom]

You really need to find a way to accept who you are. If it was not for some of the traits you talked about above I would have never succeeded at my current job, which I love. I understand your distain for what we can do to relationships, but I have found that some people really do cherish our way of thinking especially because there are not many people that think the way we do. I’m not sure of your age but I have noticed the older I become and in turn the older the people I meet are, the more my way of thinking is enjoyed by others.

[Bonamona]

Hey I'm an INFP :)

While I appreciate my own idealism, creativity, and bouts of emotional openness when situations call for it.. I have a lot of weaknesses to. And sometimes (I might not admit it :laugh:) I wish I was more logical like an INTJ.

Being an INFP, I tend to be excessive when it comes to expressing my feelings on paper or in text messages or in online messages / emails, so sometimes I wish I can cut down and be rational about it like an INTJ haha.

*Hugs*

Try to believe more in yourself while looking for more solutions to improve your flaws.

[Zsych]

How about you actually think more - but in a relaxed fashion. Relax and think about the situations where you have problems and try to understand what would be a better way to act and what would make you feel better.

As for social skills - apart from being relaxed and more confident - its something that takes time. IMO, the reason why many INTJ have questionable social skills is because we haven't experienced enough of those situations with the intent of handling them better. Mastery takes time and experience... and you have to improve both how you behave externally and how you feel internally in situations.

You can almost think of social graces as a science you will develop on your own through trial and error (and some research) - and like any science, it'll take time to develop and its something you're doing on your own - kinda cool.

Anyway be relaxed and move forward.

[undertow]

You can try making it a conscious effort to embrace life. Just fuck everything and do what the hell you want to. All you need is NOT being afraid, which I guess you are?

[masterpeach]

Do you really want to be like others? Why do you hate your INTJ traits? Is it because of negative feedback from others?

Maybe you are just surrounded by people who are not good for you? Can you find one person who wants to be like you? This might help you to see the more positive aspects of your personality.

[LogicallyDriven]

As for social skills - apart from being relaxed and more confident - its something that takes time. IMO, the reason why many INTJ have questionable social skills is because we haven't experienced enough of those situations with the intent of handling them better. Mastery takes time and experience... and you have to improve both how you behave externally and how you feel internally in situations.

I could not have stated it any better.

You really do need to stop taking yourself so seriously. I found that was one of the biggest issues I had to deal with in my social life. I tended to set very high expectations for myself that I was in constant fear of not meeting them. This presented a problem of unfathomable magnitude in social settings that I would choose to not interact with other people. I finally had to recognize that no one is capable of attaining perfection of social graces, that we all make faux pas from time to time and they are not the end of the world when they happen. One of the things that really enabled me to transition into social gatherings with greater easy and confidence is that I finally learned to laugh at my social blunders and move forward.

[silicon212]

I went through a similar phase when I was in my 20s. I called it my 'angry phase'. You'll get through it, just keep on gaining experience in things and it will work out.

I'm just fine today, because I learned about my personality traits some years ago, that actually helped me to move forward from my 'angry phase', learning how to cope and deal much better with other people. I used to think I was some freak, wondering why I only ever had few friends while most people scorned me. A lot of it is patience, and willingness to set aside certain beliefs in that you can find 'common ground'. You can't change your core personality, just keep that in mind. I tried to, hence my 'angry phase'. I never felt 'right' the whole time I was trying to 'change' myself. All that got me was pure disdain for anything that walked on two legs, that feeling of "I have no use for humanity" that I am sure a number of us have, or had at one point. All I can say is thank God I moved beyond that.

It will take a little work on your part, but things aren't as bleak as they might seem. Stick with it, it WILL get better. It did for me.

[cheerbear]

Well, I think the first thing might be trying not to think in terms of "being an INTJ". MBTI is about preferences in processing information/viewing the world and ideas, etc, so putting yourself into a box is doing exactly that--putting yourself into a box.

I want to be a happy, social person that doesn't take life too serious and is fun to be around. Fellow InTJers how to I go about making substantial changes to my life?
I know INTJs that are happy, social, and don't take life too seriously (all the time :p).
Instead of focusing on your traits as weaknesses, how about trying to develop other areas? Balance it out.

And actually, it's kind of ironic that you say you don't gauge life by emotional measures because isn't this whole thread one? If you added "because" at the end of each of your "I hate" statements and tried to answer, what do you think you'd come up with?

Once you get those answers then maybe take it from there. Practically, this may have you adding action steps on the end of your statements. Once you have it all sorted it out, it may look something like, "I hate abc about myself because it's , so I'll try to balance it by doing [I]xyz". Sometimes, you may even find the [inserted reasons] don't carry as much weight, and you'll ease up on yourself a bit. ;)

Then apply and practice, rinse, repeat. Substantial doesn't happen overnight.

[TenochAcampicht]

I like being INTJ, because we sometimes tend to spot things others don't, and in terms of long-term planning we tend to be very good at it. We are more socially withdrawn than others and can appear heartless, cold and calculating, but that's only to those who don't know us. And one thing is, in general we have decent humour and wit.

[Zombicide]

I hate being of a label (INTJ) that essentially bears the description of a soulless, annoying, robot, so I probably try leaning my answers to get a different type now when I take the tests but otherwise I don't really care, it doesn't actually matter, I suspect my only interest in MBTI is that it's the only popular typology ... after astrology ... and sadly just above Japanese blood typing ... god, the general populace is stupid.

[Anhedonic Lake]

Not INTJ.

I hate having to analyze everything before I act.

Check

I hate being way too logical and serious.

(Semi check)

I hate having social anxiety and not a big talker.

Check(When sober)

I hate being low energy and perceived as having negative energy.

Check, mostly.

I hate having to have a master plan and be rigid about everything.

I'm an all or nothing person, so check...I suppose.

I hate second guessing myself.

Check


I hate that my way of thinking sabotages my relationships.

I'm o.k with this one.


I hate having to gauge my life by productivity measures (happiness) instead of emotional ones.

Not sure what you mean exactly.



Hey I'm an INFP :)

While I appreciate my own idealism, creativity, and bouts of emotional openness when situations call for it.. I have a lot of weaknesses to. And sometimes (I might not admit it :laugh:) I wish I was more logical like an INTJ.

I must have the worst of both sides.

---------- Post added 08-16-2010 at 11:10 PM ----------

Well, you can't change who you are, but you can grow and mature.

Can we not? I'm not so sure these MBTI personality types are set in stone.

[kepstein8888]

If you don't have a dog, you should consider getting one. They help bring you down to earth and make you laugh. Plus, they're great role models.

If you are limited by circumstances such as a no pets rule, the shelters have volunteer programs.

[Still Standing]

If you don't have a dog, you should consider getting one. They help bring you down to earth and make you laugh. Plus, they're great role models.

Ahem... dogs as role models? Would you mind elaborating on that, please? Well, maybe I could learn from their playfulness, but I've always viewed canines as "doormats" who instinctively need to please the leader of the pack (i.e. their owner, the "alpha dog") and who thus learn obedience in order to play by their rules. And if you're referring to their "total devotion and loyalty", that's simply their extreme need for attention and validation from their master that they want to keep. If I were an unhappy INTJ, desperate enough to rely on animals for inspiration, I think I'd prefer the independent and self-reliant cat who doesn't follow orders (and doesn't care what others think) as a role model.

[Dinah]

The unblunted critical focus of our personality type can be tough at times, yes. However, we're often able to become deeply aware of our own flaws because of that very tendency---and there's a gem to be found in that. I think that if one of us has a good amount of maturity, he can easily use his INTJ sharpness to accelerate his personal growth. Whatever causes him to ruthlessly explore his labyrinthine thought and action patterns can eventually be directed toward self-improvement of the same intensity.

[strategistintj]

I really do.

I hate having to analyze everything before I act.
I hate being way too logical and serious.
I hate having social anxiety and not a big talker.
I hate being low energy and perceived as having negative energy.
I hate having to have a master plan and be rigid about everything.
I hate second guessing myself.
I hate that my way of thinking sabotages my relationships.
I hate having to gauge my life by productivity measures (happiness) instead of emotional ones.

The list goes on and on but I want to be a happy, social person that doesn't take life too serious and is fun to be around. Fellow InTJers how to I go about making substantial changes to my life?

I'm serious

Dude, it seems that you were in the same space where I once was. It takes time to change but here are the solutions.

1. know exactly what you want to do with life and stop second guessing (over analyzing)
2. learn to slow down your thinking and remove the negativity that your surrounding have planted in you, do autosuggestion, hypnosis, spiritual practice, contemplation and reflection
3. definitely do Tao inner smile and learn to store your energy in abdomen when you are not thinking.

you face these issues is because you run out energy fairly quickly because of intense thinking. The brain alone in a normal person uses about 85 percent of the total energy but when it comes to INTJ it is very worse.

tell me what you think of this?

[jackson17]

Try training your body so the mind can relax. It helped me a lot during high school. A month after I stopped running track I had a bunch of mini headaches because I wasn't used to the constant flow of thoughts.

Being an intj used to be a pain for me when I was in middle school. I had social anxiety back then and I didn't even know it. This may sound weird but when I was around people I had to yawn a lot to get over it.

[Brittle]

I really do.

I hate having to analyze everything before I act.
I hate being way too logical and serious.
I hate having social anxiety and not a big talker.
I hate being low energy and perceived as having negative energy.
I hate having to have a master plan and be rigid about everything.
I hate second guessing myself.
I hate that my way of thinking sabotages my relationships.
I hate having to gauge my life by productivity measures (happiness) instead of emotional ones.

The list goes on and on but I want to be a happy, social person that doesn't take life too serious and is fun to be around. Fellow InTJers how to I go about making substantial changes to my life?

I'm serious

You keep saying you hate HAVING to be this or that, but nobody has a gun to your head MAKING you be anything you don't choose to be.

Life is about choices, you can choose to use the MBTI as an excuse for your behaviour and play the victim, or you can choose to find ways to change the things you don't like.

Decide to act impulsively if you don't wan't to analyse everything. Choose to laugh at yourself if you don't like being serious. Try being flexible if you don't like being too rigid.

Years ago I taught myself how to say "sorry" and "I'm wrong" - it was bloody hard, but I didn't like being seen as stubborn and pig-headed. The more I said it, the easier it became. I also taught myself to be more open and accepting of help - it greatly improved my connection with others, as hard as it was to do initially.

My advice would be to look at those around you who you genuinely like (I'm sure there must be at least one or two), determine what aspects about them you like, then see how you can apply those aspect to your own life. Like anything new you do, the first few times are the hardest, but it gets easier every time.

[Obs3ss3d]

I hate being a woman
I hate being a lesbian
I hate being black
I hate my neighbours
I hate that my ex friend hates me.
I hate winter[flu season]
I hate ignorant people
I hate, Hate because it's hateful.
Self hate is a bitch.
The only things I like are things that I can change, or have a certain controll over, like my life. The rest I try to accept and live with them as unchangables.

[azzurro]

tell me what you think of this?


I sometimes feel like my mind is my own worse enemy. i have taken steps to get over my social anxiety but it is difficulty. Does anyone have any tips.

I know I was harsh using the word 'hate' but I appreciate progress and I get frustrated when I don't get it. I've had a really rough year and I'm doing my best to stay positive and grow. I really appreciate all the advice.

[DrEvil]

Because of my jobs, relationships, and studies I learnt to expand my skills, to move beyond my comfort zone. This included such non-INTJ things as public speaking and presentation, managing a network of clients and partners, interviewing people, and moving to another country, with a language I couldn't speak, and totally different customs, religion, food, etc.. It taught me that anyone can do these things, even me. I learnt that I don't need to do these things all the time. The best part is that I made me appreciate what being an INTJ is - it is awesome!

You can learn to do all of the things you want to. But in the end you will be you. MBTI are just preferences, not a straight-jacket. The sooner you learn to like yourself the easier those things will be.

[shakazulu]

Hey man I use to think the same way. but that was before i actually found out that i was a master mind or intj. Now i embrace my uniqueness and rareness. We are Specail its the others who need constant attention and aproval. We are godly i beleive. In that what we think about is global and making things simpler. these are the thoughts that god would have had to have to help mankind. Yes he wanted to be popular and talkative. but then he realised there needs to be order and a special few can have the abilty to take in large amounts of information and bring it down to its most simplist form. Be proud my friend for we are the Master Minds of this world.

---------- Post added 08-18-2010 at 02:39 PM ----------

Another thing is just do what ever makes you happy. let that guide you.

[Night Runner]

Try training your body so the mind can relax. It helped me a lot during high school. A month after I stopped running track I had a bunch of mini headaches because I wasn't used to the constant flow of thoughts.
I agree. :) Learn some relaxation techniques, try meditating and whatever you do - make sure to read Tao Te Ching. It's a short read, but it contains a lot of invaluable advice on how not to give a damn and let go of anxiety...

[Kuzya]

Ahem... dogs as role models? Would you mind elaborating on that, please? Well, maybe I could learn from their playfulness, but I've always viewed canines as "doormats" who instinctively need to please the leader of the pack (i.e. their owner, the "alpha dog") and who thus learn obedience in order to play by their rules. And if you're referring to their "total devotion and loyalty", that's simply their extreme need for attention and validation from their master that they want to keep. If I were an unhappy INTJ, desperate enough to rely on animals for inspiration, I think I'd prefer the independent and self-reliant cat who doesn't follow orders (and doesn't care what others think) as a role model.

Hmmm, as an intense dog lover, how do I proceed without biting your head off? lol I keep thinking of the expression - "the more I know about people, the more I love dogs". IMO, dogs are much wiser, more loving creatures than we can ever be. I think whatever spiritual force there is, gave us dogs to keep us sane when it created humans, seeing how pathetic we are. There is good reason why they are the world's most popular pets. They're great for INTJs as they take us out of our heads and give us warmth. My mum's bf's dog regularly comes to our house on his own while his owner's at work (he lives several streets away). Why? Partly cause he's bored but also cause he feels loved here. It couldn't be for attention fo the alpha dog as his alpha dog's at work, couldn't be for food cause he hardly eats anything we give him and it could't be for dog company cause our dog mostly ignores him. It is the dog's understanding of love - both of giving and receiving that is so inspirational.

Well, I'm not the only frustrated INTJ... I think it must be an age thing - guessing you're probably in your 20s too? Interesting thing I found is that some people are genuinely intrigued by our thinking - my fantastic online friend says this all the time - that my way of thinking is so unusual and therefore fascinating. Just read about Nikola Tesla - he sounds like a 100% INTJ. It seems that while only certain INTJs are highly gifted to be breathrough scientists, our minds are generally designed to be able to spend months in isolation focusing on only 1 project. Our extroversion is so low in order to not destract us from our intellectual pursuits. It does sound very depressing - it's like we're a walking computer to invent or analyze things to move this world forward.

[VF1J]

I act like an idiot when I'm out with my friends, it's hilarious to see peoples reactions. I also enjoy creating situations which would not usually occur in real life.

I spontaneously bought a white robe from a charity shop, put it on, then I put a towel on my head and walked around the town with my friends. Later on I managed to get my hands on a fake beard, that escalated the situation more and I began to get 'dirty looks', I even scared someone. It was hilarious. To make things more hilarious, a 'friend' of mine had been wearing a 'kilt' (which was actually a bath towel, with a sort of scottish theme) as well as a bubble gun he had obtained from the seaside a day or two before. He was shooting bubbles around whilst I began to dance and pop them. It was the greatest moment of my life.

P.S doing that crap can drain you.

[Kuzya]

This included such non-INTJ things as public speaking and presentation

Interesting cause I've always loved oral presentations - put so much effort and acting intot hem, went first, got great marks thorugh all of my school life - it's the one time in my life when I feel confident.

[music221]

I agree. :) Learn some relaxation techniques, try meditating and whatever you do - make sure to read Tao Te Ching. It's a short read, but it contains a lot of invaluable advice on how not to give a damn and let go of anxiety...

Tao Te Ching is an excellent suggestion. I am currently studying it and has been most beneficial to my well being.

[Still Standing]

Hmmm, as an intense dog lover, how do I proceed without biting your head off?

LOL. Gee, no one ever suggested doing this to me before. I feel privileged.

My mum's bf's dog regularly comes to our house on his own while his owner's at work (he lives several streets away). Why? Partly cause he's bored but also cause he feels loved here. It couldn't be for attention fo the alpha dog as his alpha dog's at work, couldn't be for food cause he hardly eats anything we give him and it could't be for dog company cause our dog mostly ignores him. It is the dog's understanding of love - both of giving and receiving that is so inspirational.

Yeah, dogs need constant attention and they do whatever they have to to keep getting it, from wherever they can get it. What you call dog love, I call neediness. Cat love would be a mix of opportunism and manipulation. I guess dog lovers prefer neediness to manipulation, that's all.

Make sure to read Tao Te Ching. It's a short read, but it contains a lot of invaluable advice on how not to give a damn and let go of anxiety...

Wow, great reference. Thanks for that.

[Tito]

I hate self-haters.

So there you go... :stare:

[Vulgano Brother]

Find a job where being average is ok. Then live.

Have fun!

[zef]

Something that helps me get out of many of those negatives that you list has been meditation. Download some free mp3's off the net, there are some free podcasts as well. Find a few that work best for you and make yourself do it for a couple weeks. You may have to do a little intentional suspension of disbelief and, my big problem, not analyze what the people are saying and thinking that they are stupid.

All beginning meditation is. . .is a technique for shutting up your brain voices for a little while. When they shut up, different neurons get a chance to make new connections which can lead to different ways of perceiving yourself and the world.

Helps me both with accepting my INTJ strengths and helps me deal with the INTJ weaknesses.

Hope this helps.

[Moana]

Be around people(or a person) you like, and who likes you back. It won't make flaws go away, but it will make them easier to handle and approach if you get appreciation for your positive traits. That's what I've found at least. However, I am no intj.

If real life people aren't your cup of tea, there are always other ways of getting appreciation and highlighting your strengths. Use and develop your talents, in whatever way you please.

I think it is very important to emphasize strengths in order to handle weaknesses better. That's really all I'm trying to say. I suppose the tricky thing is to find out how to do this. It's different for everyone, I suppose.

Consructive critiscism, bring it on :). What do you think?

[FeelTheNoise]

First, having low energy isn't an INTJ thing. I don't, and have definitely never had, Low Energy. Perceived as 'negative energy', that's a different beast.

How old are you? Even if you are still in your 20s, I can say from experience that you will 'naturally' learn to accept yourself more -- you'll be happier. I know this for a fact because you've already taken the steps, right here, to become self-aware of the issues you are facing. You will likely not be able to 'change all of these things substantially', but you will learn to be more accepting of these traits in yourself for what they are.

[earnshaw]

There's nothing wrong with being analytical and pondering your various options before you select a path of action. In fact, that is the mature and intelligent thing to do. Instead of being unhappy that you are so analytical, be thankful for it. The human ability to reason is amazing, take advantage of it! It's one of the things that sets us apart from our animal counterparts who act sheerly on instinct. The same thing goes for using logic - it's beneficial, not negative. I'm sure even if you haven't noticed, your analytical persona has helped you navigate through hard times, and recognize hard times before they even occured. Being serious all the time is something that I imagine may change as you get older, you may have to make a conscious effort for this to happen. You will never be bubbly, or "light" but don't let your serious demeanour stop you from being happy.

Social anxiety is also something you may find will ease up with maturity. Social interaction is a dance that we start learning in childhood and it continues throughout our lives until our death. Practice makes perfect, and the same thing goes for social interaction. Not a big talker? I bet when you do eventually speak, you have a point. I also bet people listen.

Low energy is also not necessarily a bad thing. I prefer being around other low-energy individuals when I've reached my extroverted-friend-threshold. As for your comment regarding negative energy, only people who are ignorant of your demeanour would assume such things.

Everyone second guesses themselves sometimes.

If you think your way of thinking is responsible for the detereoration of your relationships, think again. There's no way that your mere thoughts were responsible. There are many factors that contribute to a couples separation. Still not convinced? Well, only you control your thoughts.. So control them. Consciously make an effort to be more optimistic.

[KingCobra2kx]

Have you ever tried fortifiying your diet?

I can relate to your issues with being INTJ, however you seemed to be far more disatisfied than most. One thing that I can attest to, is that when I was finally able to get the proper amounts of fatty acids, vitamins, and minerals, I admit that it affected my mood quite positively.

Give it a shot. What have you got to lose?

[Macka]

.....

I hate having to gauge my life by productivity measures (happiness) instead of emotional ones.

.....



It sounds like you're past this one by your entire post. I went through this about 5 years ago (and still now to an extent).

There's nothing wrong with trying to better yourself; however, you have to realise your strengths and be happy with yourself at the end of the day. You can't become someone else, but you can improve yourself.

I can tell you from experience you basically need to suck it up and accept who you are and start trying to improve on the areas you can. It takes time.

Good luck.

[Museigan]

I hate having to analyze everything before I act.
I hate being way too logical and serious.
I hate having social anxiety and not a big talker.
I hate being low energy and perceived as having negative energy.
I hate having to have a master plan and be rigid about everything.
I hate second guessing myself.
I hate that my way of thinking sabotages my relationships.
I hate having to gauge my life by productivity measures (happiness) instead of emotional ones.


I can understand those things, even if I am at risk of being hurt i'll calmly analyze the situation to better avoid it.

If a person says they love me, I will analyze all my memories of them to verify it and ask why they might love me -- since to me if I haven't benefited them enough that really doesn't make much sense.

I don't use emotions, if I get upset I just analyze why and use rationality and self-questioning to abolish the emotion. Emotions betray people and too often no one else really cares how you feel -- so why not just use clarity when making decisions?

So I can understand how you do feel, I really hate doing these things because most people get uncomfortable around me and they say I am 'naturally creepy''.

[elsdfr]

I'd learn how to talk to people. By 25 I'd only had jobs where I worked by myself. I was a social nightmare. Since then I've gotten out and opened up. Hopefully you are not that scary and most people will accept you if you're in the right industry. Oh yeah and lighten up a bit and don't stew on the small stuff.

[smashy]

I really do.

I hate having to analyze everything before I act.
I hate being way too logical and serious.
I hate having social anxiety and not a big talker.
I hate being low energy and perceived as having negative energy.
I hate having to have a master plan and be rigid about everything.
I hate second guessing myself.
I hate that my way of thinking sabotages my relationships.
I hate having to gauge my life by productivity measures (happiness) instead of emotional ones.

The list goes on and on but I want to be a happy, social person that doesn't take life too serious and is fun to be around. Fellow InTJers how to I go about making substantial changes to my life?

I'm serious

Are you kidding? No you're not cause you said you're serious.

I LOVE being an INTJ, I think it was the greatest thing in my life ever.

For example, if I was an F with all the disfunctional family I had, I wouldn't be able to rationalize everything and get over it and probably I would make my children a living hell as well, like many people do because they're F's and they have hurted feelings and cannot rationalize it (my mother is a good example of that).

Also, I love that INTJ's have all this wonderful thing called intuition that helps in so many ways. Also the hability to see the big picture and to see things much quickly than other people is a huge thing!

If I could change something I would like to be less J and more P on my personal life in order to enjoy more the present moment without concerning about the future.

I think you need to realize that what you have are real assets that you should turn into your own benefit. You're not doing that now so you're not taking the benefits and instead it's turning against you. Do you think it's easier to be other types as well? It's not!

Just relax and enjoy the ride!

[elsdfr]

The "big picture" can be a burden. :p

Its even more fun when you stop hating it and realise you know another INTJ, its then that you realise why most people didn't like you.

[smashy]

I'd learn how to talk to people. By 25 I'd only had jobs where I worked by myself. I was a social nightmare. Since then I've gotten out and opened up. Hopefully you are not that scary and most people will accept you if you're in the right industry. Oh yeah and lighten up a bit and don't stew on the small stuff.

That's interesting, with me it happened the other way around. Until 32 I only had jobs working inside companies and all the interaction always made so tired of people and drained that I hate social situations and avoided talking to people like the plague. At 32 I started working as a freelancer from home and from having so much time alone I lack the social interaction so now I search for that and when I have it I LOVE it, I talk a lot to people, like to be around people, and really enjoy the moments. That's because I was alone most of the time and I know I'll be alone next day and will recharge. I learned to appreciate social interaction much more.

[elsdfr]

I learned to appreciate social interaction much more.

Yeah well its still the be all and end all of most things, unfortunately. I wouldn't hate being and "intj"... I'd just hate being an INTJ that didn't understand the importance of social interaction if you wanted something other than what being 'yourself' offers. And from my experience the depression that this personality might offer comes from not being able to sense and fit into or adapt to foreign situations. I'm not saying you have to change, just try to be yourself (softly).

Have I lost the question? no doubt :p

[azzurro]

Also, I've been unemployed for 18 months and its starting to take its toll. I have been hustling and have landed interviews but I'm wondering if my ambitious attitude and personality are setting me back.

---------- Post added 08-20-2010 at 08:10 AM ----------

Have you ever tried fortifiying your diet?

I can relate to your issues with being INTJ, however you seemed to be far more disatisfied than most. One thing that I can attest to, is that when I was finally able to get the proper amounts of fatty acids, vitamins, and minerals, I admit that it affected my mood quite positively.

Give it a shot. What have you got to lose?

Do you have any examples?

[elsdfr]

Sounds like a cheap shot to blame your type on your lack of luck with employment. In my experience its the calm confidence that gets most employers attention. Back it up with a bit of a small talk and it'll help no end.

Diet, exercise, you haven't mastered these? :confused:

[azzurro]

I've definitely mastered diet, exercise and nutrition. I was wondering about other vitamins, supplements, and nutrients that help with attitude and anxiety.