Love and Dating: How to Attract and Win the Heart of an INTJ [Archive]

curiousjane

04-13-2008, 10:25 PM

OK people,

According to Jezebel's stats for the forum's 6 month anniversary not so long ago, the most popular key word searches that bring new people to the forum is anything to do with dating, love, relationships, and romance.

In addition, I've noticed that the General Sociology area is one of the most popular, and a lot of specific dating advice is being discussed currently. For instance, the threads such as "Guys: what is the most important value for females?" (To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.) or "Vice Versa - What is the value of males?" (To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.)
and "Questions about the INTJ in my life" (To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.).

So, I propose that we start a thread specifically to address what works for you ... as a reference for the prospective interested parties out there, how could an interested somebody attract your attention, and then work his or her way into your heart?

I'm talking love and genuine interest here. Not lust. (Idealist, here! Hello!) If somebody else wants to know what gets you into bed, let that person start another thread. I'm just suggesting we discuss what makes your heart wake up and tell your brain that you want to spend more and more time with a particular somebody, even ... perhaps ... the rest of your life?

With so many searches being made on the topic, you might just help out INTJs everywhere with their love life, because somebody, somewhere, is brave enough and interested enough to Google "intj love" or "dating an INTJ" or "INTJ + ___fill in the MBTI blank here___". Who knows, maybe that searcher will read this thread, take the advice into consideration, and make an INTJ somewhere very, very happy.

Somebody once made a reference to writing a manual to explain himself on the first date. Well, here you go. Have at it. Type away ...

With that long introduction, please identify:

1) Your gender
2) Your age (or age range, if you don't want to reveal too much)
3) What you would find romantic, endearing, and interesting. Even if you have not yet experienced love, describe what you would consider the ideal way another person could win your heart or, at the very least, attract your attention. What would your ideal partner be/act like?
4) For scientific purposes, list the MBTI types to whom you find yourself attracted

This should be interesting. I'm very curious to see if anybody answers ...

:popcorn:

TheLastMohican

04-13-2008, 10:45 PM

I am probably entirely unqualified to respond, but I'm sure you will be happy to get an answer.

It seems I am not a romantic type, but I assume that the same guidlines would refer to normal friendship. I at least know that I would not consider marrying a person with whom I could not be friends.

I am a 17-year-old male. I do not know the types of any people outside my family, but I am not bad at guessing. Trouble is, I don't know many people well enough to guess.

But, I can generalize the traits I am attracted to. For me to get along with a person, probably the N is most important. S just doesn't think similarly enough.

I also prefer I over E. E livens up conversations, but gets tiring and annoying very quickly. I would want someone who is capable of being quiet.

I would prefer T over F, but I have found that F with IN is not at all bad. I would find it most irritating when paired with S. Yikes.

Finally, J and P don't matter much at all. They both have strong and weak points, and are fairly equal in my opinion.

Therefore, I guess I would be most compatible with INxx types. In the forum conversations, I find INTJ's are good for debates and deep thinking, with an intense aura. INFP's are charming, but possibly difficult in serious conversations, considering their different processes.

There are many different ways in which a person could attract my attention. Common interests are pretty important. However, noticing that someone has a common interest will not make me want to approach the person. I think that is minor. It will only help in providing conversation material once we start talking.

Aoiluna

04-13-2008, 11:07 PM

18-19 year old female.

I have yet to experience love and I'm not exactly sure what someone would need to do to steal my heart. Its odd, usually when i'm attracted to someone its instantaneous, not something acquired. That has recently changed a bit however, which has left me completely confused...but anyways.

The types that im attracted to vary from intp, intj, entp, entj, intj, and infp. I like the idea of having a complex NT. For me, I prefer a guy who is complex, or one that I cant figure out in one conversation. Someone that will keep me guessing and wanting to figure him out/spend more time with him. Someone interesting that no one else really notices. Someone that will engage in sarcastic and witty arguments with me instead of just staring blankly. Obviously must have a sense of humor and intelligence. I want someone who is not clingy, and can respect my need for space. I don't want a guy who will give up everything for me, he needs to have a spine and be able to live for himself. I absolutely do not want a guy who is more sensitive and emotional than I.

To win my heart.....hmmm. Still thinking on this one. There are random things in my mind that I consider romantic and nice, but i find cliche romantics too predictable and kind of....annoying I guess. Keep it original and spontaneous. Keeps it exciting. I would LOVE to have a guy who I couldnt predict.

Homini Lupus

04-14-2008, 04:58 AM

I think I've seen it from both sides of the hill (a woman or two trying to date with me and I tried to date with a woman who behaved quite like me ergo quite like an INTJ)

I'm male and quite happy about of it (wich means I'm too full of myself for most of the womans who nowadays often prefer less masculine behaviour and generally don't understand the implications of my individualism).

I'm 24 and probably too old for this dating stuff (the more times passes the more problem is haing 0 experience with actual relations).

Things I find romantic:
-Titanism (a form of fight against fate)
-Carl Orff's version of the Catulli Carmina
-The figure of the rebel
Endearing:
What is endearing to common people bestows upon me the berserker rage
Interesting:
-On the short run, I can get interested by anything wich is outside mainstream point of views.
-Women with an agenda are more interesting than those without.
-Some women know how to have an interesting look (without exposing more than a few square centimeters of skin)
-The relationship with non-human animal life is an important parameter by wich I judge people.

I don't use MBTI categories on others too often but I'll make some general considerations.
I is more interesting than E, but some kind of Es (NTs) are quite good company. Also, men are generally required to act more E than their partner and since I'm a false extroverted I can fulfill this better with Is.

I probably would get along better with an S woman since that would help me not to get lost in my own mental mess. But I understand N people better.

Every word sopken in an F way is automatically excluded by my brain and considered as not spoken: meaningless things have no right to exist. I guess that could cause quite a lot of misunderstanding with F people, but an IN would at least give some common ground.

Relation with Js is more challenging but more rewarding. I guess Ps are a better long term investment or at least a good minmaxing strategy.

Antares

04-14-2008, 05:42 AM

1) Your gender
2) Your age (or age range, if you don't want to reveal too much)
3) What you would find romantic, endearing, and interesting. Even if you have not yet experienced love, describe what you would consider the ideal way another person could win your heart or, at the very least, attract your attention. What would your ideal partner be/act like?
4) For scientific purposes, list the MBTI types to whom you find yourself attracted

^ I need to keep this there as a reference. My life is easier that way.

1. Female
2. 15
3. I find a vast array of things romantic. In romance stories, I find these types especially touching:

- Human vs. Fate (Romeo and Juliet etc)
- Hard Choices
- Love-hate relationships
- Challenge; a battle of wits
- Intense emotions

I think I've only truly fallen for one person; an ENTP. I became infatuated with an INTP (guess) as a fifth-grader and we were very good friends (but I wansn't INTJ then. More of an INFJ or an INFP), but he left and I felt next to nothing afterwards. I didn't fall for the ENTP because of his looks; sure, it mattered a bit, but ultimately, it was our strange past and relationship that drew me to him. We hated each other as children and I guess our personalities made the difference; I was sick of his revolting sense of humor and his 'mean' streak and he found my hostile retaliations tiring. Two years ago, I saw him in a whole new light; at first, it was simply the longing to see him and the excitement, but then after a while, I realized that I've fallen for him; I was appalled. For the these two months, we were on good terms, but I guess I subconsciously maintained that two months of half 'friendship' doesn't erase four to five years of bad blood (thus my enthusiasm for love-hate relationships in romance stories. I identify a lot with these). After that school year, we stopped talking again (we never did talk much), and this year due to seating arrangements, we became more friendly with each other, but I think I've gotten over him. I would consider him a 'friend' if only he didn't try to piss me off so much :irked:

4. I find these personalities attractive: ENTP, INTP and ENTJ. Not sure about INTJ; as our conversations quickly deterioate into nothing if we agree on most matters (and in this case, being the same type, we usually do). I like extroverts due to my low I preference, and I don't mind introverts as long as they're not boring. My ESTJ friend and I can talk on for hours and still enjoy the converstation, while with my INTJ and ISFJ friend, we can have some meaningful exchanges that last only minutes then return to silence. I prefer intuitives over sensers and thinkers vastly over feelers. I had a crush on an ESTP before, but none of them were an F type. I've never been attracted to Js and although I like order, I'd probably like Ps better.

F people, when face with a dilemma, rank feelings as much, if not more than logic. That's something I can't stand, and if we can't work out a compromise, which we won't because I won't consider emotions for the most part, then our relationship will go nowhere.

Chimerical

04-14-2008, 05:44 AM

1) Your gender
*unzips pants and looks down*
I'm a male.

2) Your age (or age range, if you don't want to reveal too much)
*searches for his birth certificate*
24 1/2. Booya!

3) What you would find romantic, endearing, and interesting. Even if you have not yet experienced love, describe what you would consider the ideal way another person could win your heart or, at the very least, attract your attention. What would your ideal partner be/act like?

Being understood works wonders on me. Someone who's smart. Someone who can play music [template: someone who does something I'm interested in] and would be able to have a conversation about music theory with me. Someone who will play strategy games with me on the same level as I do or within a close enough range.

Someone with a sarcastic sense of humor. Someone who doesn't care what other people think about her. A girl who avoid unnecessary bullshit and it up front with me about things.

4) For scientific purposes, list the MBTI types to whom you find yourself attracted
INTJ, ENFP [like a drug], INFP, INTP are the only ones I've confirmed. Until recently I haven't been the best at discovering someone's personality. I'll let you know the most significant MBTI's once I discover the MBTI of the girls I wanted to be with the most.

Right now the two I felt the most for and really desired to be with were both INTJ. Then there were two I never figured out, that I liked [but not as much as the INTJ's]. Then there was and ENFP I liked. The INFP I liked as well, but that's because I always learned something when I was around her.

Notable was an ESFP I dated. I dated her because I felt bad for her, there was no one in my life at the time, and I cared about her as a friend. So I figured I could be there for her, find her a boyfriend, hook her up, and conveniently break up with her. I liked her as a friend but dating her and being too close annoyed the crap out of me. Once I found her a guy I never missed dating her, but I decided I would NEVER date anyone like her again.

Later on she took a personality test and told me she was an esfp, which gave me a guideline of what to avoid.

geonerd

04-14-2008, 08:03 AM

27/F. I'm going to make this brief. I want someone who is:

1) insatiably curious
2) has common sense
3) has ambition
4) capable of handling my bluntness
5) supportive of my goals
6) respectful of my independence
7) not into MIND GAMES

So basically, I want to date me with a penis. How's that for narcissism?

As for types...I'm not really keen on all of them, but I know I click better with intuitive types better than sensing types. I can handle F ok, but they often times cannot handle me.

DrEast

04-14-2008, 08:51 AM

INTJs aren't really at home with lust either. N! Not S! We live in our heads, thankyouverymuch. Note that when I refer to INTJ from here on out, I'm really just trying to give people a guide to dating ME, and it may not be universally applicable. I've never not been me.

1. Male

2. 25

3. As an INTJ, I generally approach love in much the same way an INFJ would, but with less invested in it overall. This isn't to say that the idea of love isn't important to me... it very much is... but I am willing to go without it rather than try and approximate it with consistent lust. This is the initial hurdle that prospective suitors must overcome.

This lack of investment can come across as a lack of interest. Be assured that this is not the case! However, INTJs must judge someone as acceptable before committing to a long-term relationship. And there's really no such thing as an acceptable short-term relationship.

So, here's a quick-and-easy guide to INTJ courtship:

Step 1: Realize that you have fallen in love with a nerd, despite the commonly held
American middle-to-high-school idea that this is impossible. You do, however, have my condolences.

Step 2: Study your nerd carefully. Your nerd will have several interests. Pick several and learn about them, enough that you can converse about them casually. True expertise is not required (your INTJ will enjoy elucidating you and you can capitalize on that to make them enjoy your company), but a basic vocabulary is recommended. Don't worry, your nerd is safe from competing courtiers who have not taken the time to invest in overcoming that first hurdle.

Step 3: Your nerd may hold a set of social mores and values. Make sure you learn about these early as well, and at least pretend to hold similar social mores. You may be amazed otherwise when attempts to seduce drive away rather than attract your nerd, especially if you are an S-type personality. With time you may well be able to argue your INTJ out of the ones you disagree with.

Step 3.5: Speaking of arguing, take some time to learn the most common flaws in logic and how to spot them. Nothing impresses and attracts an INTJ like being able to correctly identify flaws in logic. More interestingly, INTJs often take shortcuts in logic themselves when attempting to sway an audience, being poor communicators of internal logic and more interested in the result than the process of debate per se. Making your INTJ expand his arguments can make him into a better person and earn you some respect.

Step 4: You have now rendered yourself acceptable, being able to fit into your INTJ's long-term plans about how the world should work. Now you must insinuate yourself into the INTJ's world! With a little effort, you can make it so that to him or her, long term planning must accommodate you to be acceptable. At this point the INTJ will be in love with you, but it may take some time for them to realize this.

Step 5: Flirting. INTJ's can not easily identify flirting directed at them. They are not P's, however, so this is easy to overcome. Simply tell them, as clinically and casually as possible, that you find yourself attracted to them and would like to try dating. If the INTJ is unattached, they should respond well to this. Attempting to turn flirting into a subtle dance of hidden meaning will leave you intensely frustrated.

Step 6: Communication. The INTJ's basic form of communication is the logical argument. Engage them in it, expounding on the argument yourself if you agree or attempting counter-argumentation if you disagree.

Step 7: Physicality. INTJs are not physical people, but must be acclimated to touching. Start small, with hello or goodbye hugs, and expand from there. To an INTJ, staring into your eyes is the equivalent of making out, without so much mess and bother. An INTJ will but rarely initiate physical contact. If you are a physical person, it may be some time before you can get your INTJ to act accordingly.

4. N's generally, but everyone has something to offer.

pallasathena

04-14-2008, 09:46 AM

1) Your gender - FEMALE

2) Your age (or age range, if you don't want to reveal too much) 44 IN MAY

3) What you would find romantic, endearing, and interesting. Even if you have not yet experienced love, describe what you would consider the ideal way another person could win your heart or, at the very least, attract your attention. What would your ideal partner be/act like?

I am a LOT older than most of you, so here's my opinion. Romance to me is a lot different than most women I know. I took that Love Language test on this site and I scored highest in Quality Time and Acts of Service. Many people say "I love you", but their action don't match their words. What I find romantic is a man who is intelligent down-to-earth, considerate, thoughful, honest, brave, witty, passionate, and most of all, a generous spirit. I want someone who encourages me to be the best person I can be. I want someone who makes me better than I would be alone; I want someone who changes me in some way. If you're with someone who has no effect on you, you might as well be alone. Men never fully get to know me because I think a woman should always keep a part of herself for herself. A woman should always keep her inner mystery. Looking back on my romantic life I find that most men were initially attracted to me because they couldn't figure me out; they felt I was a challenge. I wasn't trying to be-that's just me. I never felt I needed a man to "complete" me-I'm already complete. I made a man cry once, but he deserved it at the time. He insulted my intelligence and that pissed me off. These days, I am happily a "singleton". I'm dealing with some "grown-up" issues like taking care of an aging parent, which leaves me very little energy or interest in dating anyone. But I'm OK with that. My life is so full without a man that if I met the ideal one today, he's just be the "cherry on top of my already scrumptious ice cream sundae". :)

THE END

TehBeefah

04-14-2008, 09:54 AM

I'm a 20 year old male, for the record.

I've had three and a half relationships so far, two of which I can honestly say that I and the girl I was dating were in love. The 'half' was a girl who was in love with me who I knew I couldn't maintain a relationship with, but for all intents and purposes we were a couple for a while. The third relationship was.. kind of pointless, and ended mutually after a few months. In both of my "long-term" relationships, (7 months and 1 year, respectively) I was extremely attached to my girlfriend. In participating in this forum, I feel kind of different from the rest of the INTJ community, in that I gain immense satisfaction out of being in a relationship. I do love my own independence, sure, but I feel as though it is wasted if I can't support someone else as well. I need someone who needs me, basically. I suppose I have a savior complex, because all of my past relationships involved me stepping in and assisting her in getting her life back on track. After showing success, I was dumped. But that's another story. I always thought that women were the "gatekeepers of relationships," and that almost any girl (with some exceptions) could have almost any guy they could possibly want. My ex girlfriend and I used to argue about who would have the harder time if we were both single, and I postulated that she could have knocked on any door on my dorm hall and started a relationship with whoever was inside (pending they weren't already in a relationship). I digress, but my point is that there was a time, until recently (when I discovered this forum), when I thought any nerd like myself would be lucky to have any decent girl at all.

That being said, I am convinced that we are not really that hard to seduce. I actually am a rather touchy-feely person, but that may be because I've been involved in drama departments for the last eight years or so. And you know those drama kids. I also agree that I can't identify flirting unless it beats me over the head, so the best way to start anything with an INTJ is just to be direct. I would respond very well to basically being asked out on a date. I would get the impression (unless there was substantial contrary evidence) that if a girl asked me to get dinner or do something, and it was just the two of us, that she would be interested. By far, the best way to communicate to me that you're interested is to place yourself close to me, look into my eyes, and smile while you talk. Holding my hand while watching a movie, all that sort of cheesy mess really does work for me. I remember when my ex girlfriend and I first started realizing we were interested in each other, we were watching Star Wars (Another HUGE plus, by the way, is an interest in science fiction) on my futon with a few friends, and we discretely began touching pinkies under a blanket, which eventually progressed to hand holding. Later, we both confessed having no interest in watching the movie, and all our mental energy was focused on making exactly precise movements with our fingers to give the proper impression that we were interested without being too forward.

To sum up, be direct. I believe many INTJs (myself included) are very reluctant to make the first move, and tend to assume that someone is not interested unless they can find obvious evidence which suggests otherwise. INTJ are very proud people, and do not accept failure easily. So, naturally, they avoid taking risks which could end up embarrassing them, such as asking a girl out. They prefer to wait until circumstances are obviously in their favor before making a movie, and have the ability to rationalize missed opportunities as someone not really being interested. If they were, of course, they would have said something.

I also believe the N trait is very important to INTJs. S can be viewed as a waste of time, because as details are fleshed out, the INTJ can get very frustrated as they can't communicate the idea of the "big picture" to the S. E can can also get tiring, and it would take a very specific kind of E, one who understood the internalized nature of the INTJ and was willing to accept that they couldn't draw energy from their partner and in social situations. My first girlfriend I'm inclined to believe was an ENFP. Her N traits were very obvious, and it was appealing to me to see how somebody with such a pronounced intuition could be so outgoing, but maintain her individuality. My last girlfriend was an INFJ, like my mother, ironically. She and I connected on many levels which I hadn't known before, but I could never really understand the emotional closeness that she required until recently. I suppose even us INTJs have areas to work on.

Sorry for the long post.

ElstonGunn

04-14-2008, 11:20 AM

Interesting ideas so far. I'll keep mine short, partially to make things easier, and partially because I don't know what I'm talking about beyond a few things.

It's very simple with me. I'm 22 and male. If you're interested in me, I won't notice it. I assume that no one is interested in me, so don't be surprised if I act accordingly.

All you have to do is be as unlike me as you can, in most respects. I'm a cold, heartless, argumentative, sarcastic, cynical bastard with no feelings. I don't want someone like me. I'm like me. That's as much of me that I'll ever need. So I'm attracted to the warm, sweet, caring, feminine types.

Also, don't expect me to make any moves. It is three times more likely that you'll win the lottery, get struck by lighting, and find ten four-leaf clovers all on the same day, then it is that I will not only notice that you might possibly not be completely disinterested in me, but that I'd also stop second-guessing that long enough to figure out a halfway decent thing to say to you to convey my own interest in you. It's a lot easier for everyone if you just engage me in conversation and try to keep talking enough for me to stick around. Or better yet, just tell me that you think I'm alright and you'd like to go on a date with me or something to that effect.

Richard0612

04-14-2008, 12:55 PM

I'm a 15 year old male to start with, and I'm not really that interested in relationships [although that prob. has something to do with finding the right person].

I value:

Intelligence
not 'touchy-feely' [at least not too much]
has common sense
is able to tell me what is going on without sugar coating things and...
is able to take the same from me
not into 'romantic gestures' that have no meaningMBTI: preferably INTJ, ISTJ, ENTJ, ISFJ

Yes, I am rather picky, but hey, relationships don't have to rule your life. What's wrong with being single?!

Kotetsu

04-14-2008, 01:49 PM

I'm a 16 year old male. Things I look for/consider:

Intelligence (not just academically, though that counts for something).
Isn't obsessive about her image (the only girls I've ever asked out don't wear obviously visible make-up daily).
Does not expect me to be extraverted and/or popular.
Is open to my directness and tries to be so herself.
Is interested in and understands my thoughts/feelings/ideals/fears.

MBTI: My current interest has INFJ preferences I think. I prefer IN types (Es can be scary and are often frustrated by me, and I get frustrated by Ss daily), but I could be malleable, I think.

sriv

04-14-2008, 02:21 PM

Male in the teens.
My ideal partner would be honest, and would not hold off on early judgements. She would have to be mentally strong and have good values. She would also treat me as I treat her. There should be an equality between us intelligence-wise and workload-wise.
I would most prefer an ENTJ with not too strong of an E, because it would do well to counteract my I. Other than that I would not mind an ENTP or any other introvert that does not have too strong of an S. I do not think that strong S's in general mix well with INTJs.

Dystopia

04-14-2008, 02:26 PM

I'm a cold, heartless, argumentative, sarcastic, cynical bastard with no feelings.

Haha, I had to join this thread when I saw that expression. I always thought that I was the only person who would come out with a sentence like that. I guess I have come home. That's the same reason I have trouble with women.

I should introduce myself. I'm James, and new to this forum. Small talk over.

I am in the unusual position of having dated my own type and my opposite type last year, so perhaps I have something useful to say. I dated an ESFP and an INTJ last year.

The ESFP relationship was obviously a disaster from the start. There was some initial attraction, of the "opposites attract" kind, then disaster quickly followed. Perhaps there was some attraction to my decisive self-confidence, and her "P" mentality decided to just go with the flow. And my logical side thought that perhaps I had all the typically male characteristics, and her all the typicall female ones, so we would be the missing parts of each other.

In the end, her extrovert side resented me for being too solitary, I failed to fit in with those social rituals that "S" types seem to love. And her "P" indecisiveness irritated me to the point where I would rather she just told me where to stick in than have my heart torn out by her "I don't know, let's see how things pan out, I don't have enough information to make a decision" torture.

My failure in an INTJ-INTJ relationship came down to the fact that when she got stressed out, she would display a very immature "S", which totally "sensed" things wrongly.

I think my least favoured type is anything with an "S" in it. ESTJs and ISTJs especially irritate me for their love of those pathetic social rituals, and scanning to see if I am "normal" enough. At least the *S*Ps are indecisive enough to be persuaded by my strength of character, but in the end they'll never know what they want, so it's all pointless.

I want a woman to realise that if I am being blunt and honest, it is because I respect her enough to feel that I am able to speak my mind. It is only strangers and casual acquaintances that I feel the need to hide my true self from.

I hide myself from strangers, not because I want to fit in, or because I'm afraid of what people will think, but because it is the "path of least resistance." I have no problem emphasising what I have in common with people and hiding the differences, to maintain functional work relationships, for example, so long as I don't have to lie or compromise my principles. Aside from that superficial compromise, you stay out of my business and I'll stay out of yours.

A woman should understand from me that if I feel free to speak my mind, as insane as it might sound, it is the greatest possible compliment she could have. However, most women are far more carried away by men who tell them what they want to hear.

Melotch

04-14-2008, 04:32 PM

1) Female

2) 19

3) I find genuine kindness to be incredibly attractive. It sounds weak, but genuine goodness is a courageous attribute.
Somebody who pays attention to what I'm doing is attractive to me. I'm subtle, and I don't like to overstate things; I appreciate it when people care enough to get what I'm saying. I don't communicate much-- When I do, I do for a reason.
Intensity is good, as is intelligence. Actually, I think both are essential to me. Those are the interesting things, and being interesting is more powerful than being endearing.
A good laugh and a good smile go a long way.
Guys who don't expect me to guess how they're feeling are a vast relief. I like bluntness in everybody, but especially in someone where there is an emotional connection.
Uncompromising in their own moral law. Even if it clashes with mine, it's more important to me that you've got enough integrity to keep a clean conscience than to break that and follow me to impress me. That's not the same as being pig-headed, though. Keeping an open mind is important.

4)
IN types, generally. More inclined towards INT types. Those with a strong feeling preference tend to follow my lead, and I don't like feeling too dominant-- it's disturbing to totally trounce a guy, especially unintentionally. INTxs keep things challenging. Extroverts tend to leave me passive; when I don't have to interact, I don't. They generally find me dull anyway.

ethsar46

04-14-2008, 04:41 PM

1) Male

2) 23

3) One of the most important things i look for is a girl who sticks up for themselves and doesnt take crap from people. I had this friend who took all sort of crap from her B/F at the time, she lost all my respect.
Other wise, i mainly looking for someone like me. Or i should say im not sure what i want.

4)Ive dated mainly INT's and ESF's and EST's

Pinkie

04-14-2008, 04:46 PM

I'm a nineteen year old female. My ideal man is:

Intelligent (and not just in an I-memorised-a-book way).
Dry in terms of humour.
Not afraid to make fun of me.
Not afraid to let me make fun of him.
Not overly concerned about appearance... but not a slob, either.
Direct, because I hate people who don't say what they mean.
Adept at challenging me to improve myself. I need to have goals to be happy.
Not particularly tactile.
Capable of giving me a lot of time to myself.
Able to acknowledge that I prefer not to lean on other people.
Able to see that actions speak louder than words. And that they also speak louder than crappy teddy bear gifts that I'm going to chuck away as soon as he's not looking.

I really can't compromise on most of those items. They're all rather important to me. I go for INTJs or ISTJs in the main but my biggest preference is for I. Then T. N/S and J/P are negotiable. Just about...

azelismia

04-14-2008, 05:00 PM

37
f

What always made me take notice was intelligence, the ability to recognize when I am baiting an argument and resist it or counter it wisely rather than just biting at the bait. love of debate. Basically just recognizing that a person was my equal was very exhilarating.

When I was younger and still dating I had a number of tests that I put guys through. Honesty: Was he able to stand up for himself and tell me what he really thought or would he say what he thought I wanted to hear? Instant dismissal if he pussed out.
Would he let me rail road him? Instant dismissal if he pussed out.

I tended to end up with Entj's entp's Intp Intj and Infp. I dated an Enfp once and it was torture. S types have never held my interest. Too alien.
Most F types seem to be occasionally alien and occasionally very good to be around.

alexxq

04-14-2008, 05:40 PM

INTJCanuck

04-14-2008, 05:47 PM

Male, 22. I've never had a serious relationship before through no one's choosing but my own. This is going to come out as a random montage of sentences. I hate talking love, but here goes...

I am attracted most of all to anyone who can hold a deep, meaningful conversation about anything non-superficial. It doesn't even have to be about anything I'm interested in, although any girl that can talk to me about music, the outdoors, calculus, or graph theory will for sure score extra points. I can do off-the-wall conversations as well, since I have a bizarre, sarcastic sense of humour. I admire anybody that is brave enough to drag me out and do something, even if I don't necessarily like their personality. If done sincerely, I will truly admire them. I've only encountered a couple girls so far that have done this. I'm told it's partly because I'm somewhat handsome, and partly because I give off a strongly intimidating aura. So any girl that musters up the courage to get past those two obstacles to talk to me will, if nothing else, gain my respect [which is half the battle], or drive me insane in the best way possible if I know it's not in their nature to go after someone [I'm thinking of one particular girl I never got the chance to meet, and would still kill for an opportunity to, but that's a story for another time].

I hate surprises, most especially if lots of people are involved. Birthday parties? Forget about it. But I would love it if a girl surprised me away from everyone else, say with a clever gift, kind words, or something like that. That would really mean a lot to me. There goes that "deepness" again that I mentioned earlier. Someone who doesn't need a crowd of people to feel confident or comfortable, and who could sit with me and watch the sun set or listen to me play guitar. I'm also a sucker for a great smile.

So, it sounds like I'm really leaning towards an IN**, although an EN** may work, too. Real talkative people drive me crazy, so anyone who is more than a mild extrovert is out. And I simply have a hard time conversing with anyone who is an S as well. When I talk with an S, I can't really explain it, but it's like we're on a totally different wavelength [I'm new to this MBTI stuff, but within 5 seconds of talking to a new person, I can immediately pin down if they're an S or N]. Feeling types don't bother me too much since I think much of my family are *SF*'s, and because I encountered so many of them back in high school. I've developed ways to speak and deal with these kinds of people. Of course, a T would be preferred though. I'm indifferent between J's and P's, I think.

I guess I've narrowed it down to an INT*. Fat chance of meeting someone like that, I guess. But still I wait for her, Everlong...

Kaethus

04-14-2008, 06:00 PM

With that long introduction, please identify:

1) Your gender

female

2) Your age (or age range, if you don't want to reveal too much)

25

3) What you would find romantic, endearing, and interesting. Even if you have not yet experienced love, describe what you would consider the ideal way another person could win your heart or, at the very least, attract your attention. What would your ideal partner be/act like?

i have a boyfriend right now. and i will tell you what i find romantic. effort. deep concerted effort is so hot. also, if you do something without me telling you to do it first, that's great too. he doesn't do either much, slacker... but aside from those things i like several things about him. a) he listens and asks me about my day. if i don't tell him about my day he will ask me again. b) he's sarcastic. c) he's funny, like me. d) he likes to cuddle while we watch tv. e) if i ask him to call me when he gets home, he will call me the moment he turns off his car. i got the call and heard him press his auto alarm. then i heard him walk up the steps to his porch. he's VERY punctual with phone calls.

but i'll tell you what made me drop my in the first place defenses. his obvious to me yet subtle to everyone else, actions. he acted about as shy as a man possibly could. he touched my hand gently, but he wouldn't look at me. anyway, the point is that he didn't have the "player" look to him. i don't want anyone who could potentially have a girlfriend on the side. if you're too cocky and your getting calls from your childrens' mothers, i don't want anything to do with you. also, my bf had an accent (not one i could place) and could speak two languages well while having working knowledge of two more. he also has two masters degrees (he was 27 when we met). i was impressed.

4) For scientific purposes, list the MBTI types to whom you find yourself attracted

I don't know what anyone was. But I like I's more than E's, N's more than S's, you can be either T or F, but I would prefer a J over a P, because not having a resolution to things is aggravating.

creativeRhino

04-15-2008, 07:10 AM

Female 48,

First up "meeting of minds" is key.

so must be

endlessly curious,
able to argue (a point of view, not about trivia)
have a sense of humour (irony, absurd etc)
have many areas of expertise
enjoy real world adventures
not just a tech-head
comfortable/secure in themselves
able to look after themselves physically/emotionally
letting me be me (eg nerdy girl, not girly-girl)
able to leave me alone from time to time (and work out when this may be, and if not, then accept my wishes).

Lots of it, then maybe the bodies will meet.

my main/longest life relationship was with a great ENTJ. He wanted to spend the rest of his life with me, and unfortunately he got his wish. He died way before his time.

I get on really well with other INTJs (platonic).

Aoiluna

04-15-2008, 08:34 AM

This sounds alot like what most women your age would say.

hmm it does doesnt it.... maybe im being too general. because my taste in guys is remarkably different than most females (that I know) that are around my age.

OneBadMother

04-15-2008, 11:01 AM

I guess I've narrowed it down to an INT*. Fat chance of meeting someone like that, I guess. But still I wait for her, Everlong...

Considering how many INTXs there are on this forum, I'd say your chances are actually pretty good. :P

grey

04-15-2008, 01:46 PM

1+2)
I'm a male of twenty-five years.

3)
I can't stay in a romantic relationship without a very close friendship to build upon. Though, I haven't ever started dating any of my female friends. I'd definitely try to avoid that situation.

A keen intellect is important, with the ability to learn things quickly and perform tasks efficiently. Certain life choices and habits are virtually insurmountable strikes against a girl's attractiveness, and many of these I associate closely with the type of mind I'm interested in. Grammar used to be more important to me, but of late I've cared less. Smoking or drug use are rather unattractive. Anything fun should be more fun while in full control of one's mental faculties, though I'll drink sometimes for variety. Personal strength -- emotional and not just intellectual -- is attractive. And self-control is important for gaining my respect and trust.

I like girls who have less common interests or tastes, and are proud of them. A nice, big, "I am different" sign is a great way to catch my eye. Anything that obviously suggests that she's thinking about the world differently from most people is a point of strong interest. Atypical clothing is good. I love a girl with disregard for social conventions, particularly when they are those that I find illogical or needlessly complicated. A very dark sense of humor, or at least an appreciation for one, is fairly essential. I'm going to fall quickly for a girl who shares my love of irony, sarcasm, and blasphemy.

I like a lot of the more classic romantic situations, though, too. Starry skies out in the country; sunsets and sunrises; candle-lit, home-cooked dinners; or most other isolated, "romantic" settings are things I don't think I could experience too many times.

It more or less goes without saying that a girl has to be interested in me. Specifically, though, she'd have to actually appreciate or at least respect my directness or my refusal to be less than very honest about anything I find to be important. I'm not a complete boor, but if a girl's actually going to appreciate my honesty when I tell her her mom's a bitch (in more descriptive and explicit detail, of course), that's big points on compatibility in an area where I'm least likely to alter my behavior to make things work out.

Most of the time, I and, as I gather, most other INTJs are not terribly aggressive about pursuing people we don't really know for relationships. It takes time to get to know someone to the point where I could determine if I'm romantically interested in her. It probably takes more time than it does for most other people. The few women I meet are likely to see a somewhat colder side of me before any point where I might warm up to them. Given that they are very unlikely to be INTJs, this isn't a very attractive face to be putting forward. My relationships in the past have started when I've met girls who do understand what they're looking for and that I'm not very likely to be understanding what's happening right at the moment. They have been forgiving of my social clumsiness and still determined. Mmm, determination....

4)
A dominant N over S is probably the most important characteristic in people with whom I can closely relate. Discussions of any depth can get difficult when the person I'm talking with just doesn't approach things the way I do. In a relationship of greater significance, successful communication becomes that much more vital to overall success. I can still have a great time with friends who don't think the way I do, but for something I'm going to care about as much as a romantic relationship, it's invaluable to have a strong, natural understanding in place, for the times when problems come up and have to be dealt with.

Beyond the N/S pairing, as long as a girl isn't at the extreme end away from me on anything, I think there is enough similarity to sustain a passionate interest. Though, this is probably because my N is my strongest. As each letter pair actually graphs as a bell curve in larger populations, the majority of people aren't going to be terribly much out of touch with the other side's tendencies.

I haven't ever been with an E, though E friends are great for making social situations with people I don't know well much more comfortable. The difference there would be interesting to me, for its own sake, where usually it's similarity to myself that is more attractive.

Fs and Ps are fine, and I feel/think I've been fairly compatible with them in the past. The P/J split can sometimes be a point of conflict and other times a boon, depending on the situation. T is more immediately attractive than F, but a T strong enough that the F is underdeveloped can be even worse than an F dominating T to the same degree.

INTJCanuck

04-15-2008, 02:18 PM

Considering how many INTXs there are on this forum, I'd say your chances are actually pretty good. :P

Haha well of course, but I meant in MY world. I've more than likely encountered other male INT*'s at school (I'm studying Computer Science, after all). But I'm surprised I haven't met any of said girls yet since I'm probably more social than other INTJ's (what's the term for that, 'extroverted introvert' or something?). I've become an expert at scoping out people around me and don't mind going to a bar or pub to listen to a band or go for drinks, say. I realize that it's all a numbers game, and sometimes it's a hard, lonely game to play when it takes such a long time to win.

Lagawrd

04-15-2008, 07:26 PM

If they exist... here goes.

Male

19 (obviously going onto 20)

I find Natural scenery very romantic, either in a rain forest (Take out all the bugs and humidity along with the savages), or on top of a mountain (Where I would choose to live in my malter years). So she must be willing to live alone with her spouse isolated from the city. I find my self liking a quiet female, I hate loud people. A serious female that would sitmulate me intellectually with deep topics and humor me with witty and aggressive jokes. This might seem weird, but I like a female that can beat me up, or knock me out. I am not specifically talking about the looks of a muscular female (which is none the less interesting but not for me), but I do enjoy a female that would take up the idea of wrestling me from time to time. I have not yet experienced love, I am not sure what i am looking for, but I have a feeling I will know what it is. I do not like lazy people, lazy with anything as a matter of fact, be it physically or mentally. She has to be successful (does not have to be financially), and will not fall too inlove with me to the point where I get bothered every 45 minutes with phone calls(yes, that does happen). I mainly like her to be in control of herself, that attracts me to the point where I cannot stop looking at her. Ah, she must also have some standards of how to like a guy, I must be wanted not just settled for.

Any MBTI type will do, I have met enough different people for me become open minded. To satisfy the question, I would prefer an NT.

OneBadMother

04-15-2008, 07:39 PM

Haha well of course, but I meant in MY world. I've more than likely encountered other male INT*'s at school (I'm studying Computer Science, after all). But I'm surprised I haven't met any of said girls yet since I'm probably more social than other INTJ's (what's the term for that, 'extroverted introvert' or something?). I've become an expert at scoping out people around me and don't mind going to a bar or pub to listen to a band or go for drinks, say. I realize that it's all a numbers game, and sometimes it's a hard, lonely game to play when it takes such a long time to win.

Hmm, I dunno. It's hard to pin down where INTx girls would be, especially since I haven't run into very many IRL myself. Immature INTPs can be mistaken for INFPs because they haven't learned to control their emotions when they do come out, which is more often than they'd like to think. INTJ is probably rarer still. But I think that you have less of a chance meeting them at bars and pubs than on the internet or at generally more nerdy things. Even if they do go to a bar or club, they will probably bristle at your approach and be almost instantly suspicious, since they're being approached out of their comfort zone. They also might be more solitary, or hang out more with guy friends than girl friends.

Of course, in the unlikely case that you do find one, be your no doubt intelligent and witty self, engage them in meaningful discourse, and don't expect them to keep a conversation going like most women would. Once you find the topic they're interested in, keeping conversation going is no longer a problem. INTPs will be more likely to speak about an interesting topic they know little about than INTJs. If you don't think one of their opinion is worth merit, tell them exactly why instead of brushing them off. There is almost no bigger turn-off than a "whatever" or "yeah yeah, woman talk", and it tells them that you are a jackass that is only worth their contempt. If you do think those things, you probably aren't looking for an INTx anyways.

So that's my short probably-stating-the-obvious tutorial on finding and getting the attention and possible affection of INTx women, gathered from personal experience and what I've heard from others. INTx women are free to correct me or add stuff if I missed anything. Others can also try to correct me and say that INTx women don't actually know what they want. :P

INTJCanuck

04-15-2008, 10:04 PM

First of all, thank you for your advice.

But I think that you have less of a chance meeting them at bars and pubs than on the internet or at generally more nerdy things.

Actually I meant that I don't mind going out in general, and not that I'd go out looking for an INT* girl at a pub, since I understand that I am a big exception to the rule and the chances are mighty slim of meeting such a person in that sort of situation. And really I don't think that's the ideal spot to meet an intellectual person anyways. I just like my music an awful lot, and if I one day happen into somebody that can talk intelligently AND enjoys the same music I do, then that's just icing on the cake.

I've tried the whole "getting involved" thing at university, and it's not what it's cut up to be. I dislike most of the people I've met at things like this. But it was a learning experience, and as they say, nothing ventured, nothing gained, right? [This is kind of off-topic but I don't really consider myself a "nerd", even if I am studying what is possibly the nerdiest major their is. I just enjoy the mental problem solving aspect of it, and hate video games, television, all the stuff I'm supposed to worship. So I feel like a huge misfit among my peers and don't get along well with the majority of them, never mind the handful of girls that are there. This must add to my problem, because maybe I'm not "in to" the same things as a typical INT*.]

There is almost no bigger turn-off than a "whatever" or "yeah yeah, woman talk", and it tells them that you are a jackass that is only worth their contempt.

I absolutely agree, and I would never do that to anyone because people often do it to me (S-types in particular). I would be so deeply flabbergasted if I encountered a girl like this that the thought of brushing them off wouldn't even enter my mind no matter what they were talking about.

...don't expect them to keep a conversation going like most women would

I don't think that in all my meetings with girls have I had them talk to me with the same degree that they talk to other guys, and I know some REALLY talkative girls. I find that I am the one who always has to carry the conversation because they always tend to clam up around me. Maybe it's my "vibe", I have no idea. So I've grown accustomed to it.

Learning

04-16-2008, 03:06 PM

...I propose that we start a thread specifically to address what works for you ... how could an interested somebody attract your attention, and then work his or her way into your heart?
I'm just suggesting we discuss what makes your heart wake up and tell your brain that you want to spend more and more time with a particular somebody, even ... perhaps ... the rest of your life?
Even if you have not yet experienced love, describe what you would consider the ideal way another person could win your heart or, at the very least, attract your attention. What would your ideal partner be/act like?

Just a quick response here... when I meet a person one of the most important things I notice (even for potential friendship) is if the person seems open minded & honest. These are perhaps two of the most attractive qualities to me in a person.
After being around the person for a while, observing their behavior with me & others these traits become more apparent... so patience on the interested party's end is pretty crucial. A person wins my heart by being genuine... and relationships proceed from there based on our level of compatibility and ability to resolve any bumps that might pop up.
...Just to add... I also really appreciate someone with a strong romantic streak. This is a great way to balance out the rational side in me. (Not cheesy, but truly romantic & thoughtful).

Firelie

04-17-2008, 12:00 AM

Iconoclash

04-17-2008, 12:17 AM

23 turning 24 in a couple months and I'm male.

I'm not sure I'm cut out for "relationships" where monogamy is a requirement, but I do enjoy the company of women who possess the following traits, albeit quite the rarity in
terms of actual encounters:

Open-mindedness - Tolerant of ideas disparate from her own and willing to engage in discussion.

Independent thinker - I cannot stand groupthink mentalities. Forming her own opinion premised upon her values is essential.

Enough of an extrovert to understand that I actually enjoy being around others at times, but enough introversion that she's quite comfortable without a crowd.

Diverse sense of humor - can appreciate my absolute silliness and absurdness as well as my wit and sarcasm. I'm all over the place when it comes to humor. Total whore for a laugh. :-P

Athletic/active - Just because I am and sedentary is NOT sexy.

Last but not least, she's got to have strong internal values and a progressive mind that constantly works toward improvement and betterment.

A woman like that will definitely catch my attention and more than likely my time.

Santana28

04-17-2008, 09:29 AM

1) Female
2) 27
3) What do i find interesting? Someone who can hold a long-term conversation with me, or who is genuinely fired up and passionate about a particular subject (doesn't even matter what the subject is about). They have to be COMPLETELY open-minded and not afraid to deal with issues that other people may typically shy away from... always willing to try something new, and always forward thinking and forward moving. I have dated all over the spectrum, from a learning-disable mechanic, to a high-IQ narcissistic psychologist, to a geeky rockstar, to a jazz musician, to a police officer.... common themes are : a love of music, a certain passion in their life, a love of trying new things, and a willingness to learn.
4) hmmm.... 2 INFPs... 2 ISFJs... and the love of my life is an ENTJ ;)

Iconoclash

04-17-2008, 10:38 AM

Firelie

04-17-2008, 10:48 AM

I'm noticing this common theme of "open-mindedness".

Is this the new cliche' over "sense of humor" now, or are people genuinely interested in those who are NOT provincial?

I'm a New Yorker living in Arkansas.....and let me tell you........open-mindedness is as desired as rabies 'round these parts. So this truly is a phenomenon to read. Just wanted to get that out there.

Genuinely interested. Close-mindedness says to me that the person isn't interested in learning new things, and since learning is very important to me, I get thoroughly annoyed when a person isn't able to step outside of "the norm" to simply CONSIDER an idea.

sriv

04-17-2008, 01:29 PM

Genuinely interested. Close-mindedness says to me that the person isn't interested in learning new things, and since learning is very important to me, I get thoroughly annoyed when a person isn't able to step outside of "the norm" to simply CONSIDER an idea.

I do not consider an idea if it is impractical or inefficient and cannot be applied directly to contemporary life. There is a limit to open-mindedness.

ElstonGunn

04-17-2008, 05:04 PM

In some situations, "open-minded" can be a positive-sounding code word for an undesirable trait. Inasmuch as an overly closed-minded person never steps outside of the norm, an overly open-minded person might not stick with something long enough to even establish a norm.

Not that I'm knocking open-mindedness. Don't get me wrong, there. I'm just saying that if I were a flighty, trend-following, nutty scatterbrain, I wouldn't want to call myself that. I'd look for a term that sounds good and seems to vaguely apply to my flaws while placing them in a better light. It's kind of like how fat people call themselves "cuddly," or how old people call themselves "young-at-heart."

Of course, like everything else in life, this all hinges on what your subjective definition of the terms in question happen to be.

Marcus

04-17-2008, 05:28 PM

1) male
2) 33 (but it had been working much the same way when I had half of my current age)
4) 1. INFP/ENFP, 2. INFJ/INTJ/INTP.

How could an interested somebody attract your attention?
1. Showing introversion (being isolated, looking downwards, contemplating, being otherworldy, talking softly, etc).
2. Having a physically attractive face/look (otherwise it can only be friendship) and a (non extravagant) taste for dressing. Having a pleasant tone of voice is a plus.
3. Using rich language, being smart (but not being smarter than me :)).
4. Having non materialistic goals, and working toward them; Having a big picture view of the world.
5. Showing talent for music and/or painting and/or mathematics and/or sciences and/or languages (the more the better).

what you would consider the ideal way another person could win your heart. What would your ideal partner be/act like?
If I am not interested initially then she has virtually no chance to change that. She should be responsive in a subtle way. She should not take control. She should not be overly sensitive. Otherwise, the chemistry should work automatically...in this life or the next :)

to spend more and more time with a particular somebody, even ... perhaps ... the rest of your life?

A miriad of things may come into play, but the short answer is compatibility.

BlackHawk

04-17-2008, 07:08 PM

How could an interested somebody attract your attention, and then work his or her way into your heart?

It takes a combination of wit, conversation skill, similar interests, an open mind, and honesty (big points possible here!).

With so many searches being made on the topic, you might just help out INTJs everywhere with their love life, because somebody, somewhere, is brave enough and interested enough to Google "intj love" or "dating an INTJ" or "INTJ + ___fill in the MBTI blank here___". Who knows, maybe that searcher will read this thread, take the advice into consideration, and make an INTJ somewhere very, very happy.

A commendable purpose!
:thumbsup:

1) Your gender
2) Your age (or age range, if you don't want to reveal too much)
3) What you would find romantic, endearing, and interesting. Even if you have not yet experienced love, describe what you would consider the ideal way another person could win your heart or, at the very least, attract your attention. What would your ideal partner be/act like?
4) For scientific purposes, list the MBTI types to whom you find yourself attracted

Alright, I'm not entirely sure what I want yet, but here are some vague ideas to get started (this might start rambling . . .):

1) Male

2) Teens

3) Someone honest, accepting, intellectual, and supportive. I think honest and supportive is really key, because I think that if I'm ever going to love someone, I'm going to need to drop the shell, and that requires someone with whom I am very at ease.
Anyone who launches into a deep intellectual discussion at the mere mention of quantum physics or fine literature would definitely catch my eye.
A sense of humor based on sarcastic or morbid quips is a big plus, but anyone who can understand and appreciate it is doing fine.
Usually an appreciation of the outdoors, music, or literature will get positive points. It's really subjective, and hard to explain, but that whole intuitive wavelength thing keeps coming back. Some people I just click with (when I can finish her sentence in my head, and be dead on with each and every word, I know she's worth a look, and will most likely become at least a friend).
Oftentimes I'll become friends with someone I'm interested in, just to get to know her a little better, and then I can let things stay there or go a little further based on what I'm thinking at that point. I don't really believe in the stigma about switching from "friends" to "in a relationship"
I've also noticed that I'm attracted to girls that have no qualms about violating social "rules." Any girl that believes that boyfriend and girlfriend should be near best friends, too, or thinks that small talk is useless, or isn't fazed by awkward moments will get definite positive points, too.

** I keep referring to "points;" that's just my halfway subjective, halfway objective method of prospecting potential partners based on anything from behavior to interests.

4) INFJs (:thumbsup::thumbsup::thumbsup:), ENTJs on occasion. I've never met another INTJ, or an INFP, both of which I might be interested in.

ssrprotege

04-17-2008, 09:23 PM

OK people,
With that long introduction, please identify:

1) Your gender
2) Your age (or age range, if you don't want to reveal too much)
3) What you would find romantic, endearing, and interesting. Even if you have not yet experienced love, describe what you would consider the ideal way another person could win your heart or, at the very least, attract your attention. What would your ideal partner be/act like?
4) For scientific purposes, list the MBTI types to whom you find yourself attracted

This should be interesting. I'm very curious to see if anybody answers ...

:popcorn:

Thank you for the guideline; the structure just makes me easier to systematically answer your question. :)

1) Gender: I have THAT there. So, male!
2) Age: Just became 19
3) Ah....this is the toughest part, since I have never been to love - simply, I think it is too early to be into love. But I will do my very best to explain. First of all, I will briefly outline my personality to answer the question.

1. I am a very strong I (usually getting 90~100% I) in that I prefer to stay alone and reflect on ideas, kinda being in my fantasy. I am generally withdrawn and find it very difficult to approach new people. I love communicating with my inner self, as reflected in my habit of talking (incessantly) to myself. Some people would ask to whom I am talking to. But I am highly extraverted when I am with my close friends, though.

2. I am a moderate N. I show a number of S and N preferences. Even though I do know the S-N dichotomy is the worst one, I am being candid here.

N: highly values imagination and intuition (though I may not be imaginative by my standards), love being in fantasy, intellectually open-minded, love learning new ideas, love for abstract ideas (I love Plato's Republic, math, relativity, logical positivism and Platonism), not detail-oriented, prefers to think about the future instead of present, love sarcasm and pun, tendency to infer and occasionally to jump to conclusion too quickly, forgetting where I put things

S: Tend to take things literally (ironic, because while I do sarcasm and pun, I don't understand them if other people do it), tend to get details while reading books - thus a slow reader, sometimes caught up by details

3. I am a strong T because I am generally oblivious to others' feelings and emotions. Sometimes my feelings may overtake me, but I believe emotions must be controlled and should not be in charge of my making decisions.

4. I am a J because I dislike surprises when I deal with the *external* world. I want a structure, especially when I do school projects or assignments. I am the early-starter to the point some friends accused me of checking good books out very early. I feel very happy once I finish projects/books, etc.

Now, I will explain, based on the background info I gave.

1. My partner has to be willing to challenge themselves intellectually. And no matter the MBTI type, this is THE most important caveat. I strive to be an intellectual, and so should my partner.
2. Given that I value privacy, the partner must understand that I love being alone. Keep pestering me = Annoying me -> 'autopilot' mode
3. A good listener.
4. Should not force me to meet other people or to socialize. should not force me to go to parties, etc. I won't do it anyway.
5. Should not pick on my 'odd' habits.
6. Should not ask too many questions about affairs independent of her.
7. Zero tolerance to the hysterical, sentimental. . Oh yes, racists, sexists, religiously biased ones too.
8. Should not ask me to show my affection, because if I try to do so it generally results in 'disaster.'
9. Extremely cynical ones

I think that's all for now. Even at this point I keep forgetting what I was going to write. If ideas pop out, I will update it. :)

4) I am open to ENFP, ENFJ, ENTJ, given that my partner has a moderate E, N and F; INFP, INFJ and INTP as well. Other types can be accepted on case-by-case basis, such as my ESFJ friend who is a patient listener, even when I mention philosophy that *does* make her hell bored. I do not mind having a partner who values harmonious interpersonal relationships. I believe if T and F are balanced out, the decisions will be more balanced as well. But strong F's who are likely to be extra-sentimental are not for me.

I prefer iNtuitives because they just get along with me. When my intuition says he/she may go along with me, he/she were generally iNtuitives.

Similar explanation for 'moderate extraversion' as well. I know an ESFJ girl who talks incessantly without getting into the point with redundant words, not giving opportunity for me to reflect and talk. No wonder she has 100% extraversion in the Jung Typology Test. I just want to know her as a mere acquaintance, not as my partner or gf. ENFP, ENFJ, ENTJ's with strong extraversion are likely to overpower me. My ENTJ friend (my best one, actually) often overpowers me by saying too much and stating his position and argument too quickly, not giving me time to ponder it over.

I have rarely experienced the Judging-Perceiving conflict, to be honest; so I will not comment much. I do not have any particular preference on the fourth letter so far.

My post has been rather long and pointless. If this post sounds lacks clarity, tell me, and I will refine my English. (English is my second language)

brooklyncs

04-18-2008, 12:04 AM

I was contemplating a while back whether or not I wanted to continue speaking with an INTJ to see if we'd be compatible, and he had specified a type he was typically attracted to. I don't remember what it was, but it wasn't me. I've taken the MBTI and have gotten four different types: ENFP, ISFJ (most consistent,) ISFP, and ISTJ. I told him I was bound to have one personality that he liked out of all those, but I lost interest fairly quickly and didn't really continue the conversation.

My favorite NTJ (we're a bit confused on the E/I - it seems to go back and forth) is having a birthday next week. I'm trying to be encouraging, honest, bold, forward, etc, but without taking all the power away from him. I don't think he's taking over the world in his head only - I wouldn't put it past him to try to put those plans into action. We're not dating. We had dated and we make sense together, and I'm wondering a bit how to proceed. I have influence where he's concerned - he listens to my promptings and trusts my judgment in his interactions with others, asks my opinions on different decisions, etc.
I have a tendency to think that if I can provide you with three to five good solid reasons you should give me my way, and enough supporting evidence, then you should give me my way. I swear, I'm about to the point of submitting to him a numbered list of reasons we should be together with diagrams attached.

Aronnax

04-18-2008, 06:45 PM

I do not consider an idea if it is impractical or inefficient and cannot be applied directly to contemporary life. There is a limit to open-mindedness.

What if it's an interesting thought exercise? I've had a lot of fun playing with a strange idea; if nothing else it can give you insight into how the other person thinks.

Marcus

04-18-2008, 07:27 PM

It would also be interesting to examine just the very first phase of a romantic relationship. You see someone (of the opposite sex) the first time, times slows down for a moment and you feel an instant (instinct-like) crush. You can feel the person emotionally very close, or especially attractive, or especially interesting. I suspect that it is more type related than a romantic relationship in general, which could develop even in the absence of an instant crush.

acrossthefourthwall

04-20-2008, 06:30 AM

20-year-old INTJ female, very selective. Intellectually, that is. To me, dating is an utter waste of time if the match doesn't look promising from the outset. I agree with a few of the guys in that a lot of the time I like to get to know someone as a friend before deciding whether I want to do anything about an initial spark of interest, but if I read a personal-ad that catches my attention (which only happens with around 0.5% of all of the ones out there, but never mind), I'm happy to answer it and give the pairing a try.

What I find romantic or interesting depends on the person in question, but intelligence and passion for learning, creativity, confidence, honesty (better to err on the side of bluntness), and a sense of humour reasonably close to mine are all requirements. I like natural people; signs of an edgier or shallower lifestyle will make me lose interest quickly. Oh yeah, and (as a couple of the posters said above) I need enough space. I don't mean that I can't handle intimacy, but rather that clinginess/insecuity is a huge turn-off. Relationships are great, but calling me four times a day will only make me irritated and defensive.

As for those of you looking for INTJ girls: we're out there. Well, occasionally, anyway. * laughs * I'm definitely very solitary in general, but I don't just sit in my room all the time. I do hang around bookstores a lot. And thrift-shops. And classical-music concerts. Oh yeah, and I guess I wander around parks a fair bit, except I know that's not really an environment too conducive to conversation, especially when both parties are likely to be immersed in thought. However, I'm definitely receptive to bookstore-conversation, especially if it leads from the book I'm looking at (or accidentally reading in its entirety (To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.), but never mind).

Speed-dating and (as mentioned) ads are also worth a shot, since they both eliminate the awkwardness of trying to strike up a conversation randomly. (Though I'd argue that speed-dating doesn't give you enough of a chance to test for a connection [how's that for a geeky way of putting it?].) Dating-manuals often suggest random grocery-store interactions and the like, but I find those sorts of strategies useless and way too artificial, especially when there's so little evidence beforehand of there being anything in common in terms of interests and ideas!

On the other hand, low-obligation natural potential conversation-starters (such as amusing observations that you make while, say, standing in a line) are always worth at least throwing out there if you're comfortable doing so. The worst realistic possible result is silence on everyone else's part.

I guess I've narrowed it down to an INT*. Fat chance of meeting someone like that, I guess. But still I wait for her, Everlong...
Considering how many INTXs there are on this forum, I'd say your chances are actually pretty good.

Can't speak for any other INTJ/P girls, but OneBadMother's right. Personally, INTJCanuck, if these posts of yours had been a personal-ad, I would totally answer it. Seriously. You sound interesting.

(Okay, the catch is that I'm not moving back to Canada until the end of May, and even then I'm probably going to be way off on the West Coast until August...but still. No pressure, of course, but if you want to correspond by email or anything and see how it goes, then let me know because I'd be up for it. If not, no worries; take my words as a compliment and as encouragement, and keep looking!)

Dystopia

04-22-2008, 08:59 PM

My dating opportunities are very limited at the moment.

I don't believe in office relationships. I know how women talk about everything, and that my private life would then become office gossip, which I would absoultely detest.

I have very few friends in real life, so few opportunities to meet women. And I don't socialise with my friends much because I'm so sick of people from working 37.5 hours a week.

And the people in my area are uneducated, simple-minded fools.

So my solution has been internet dating. There's no paranoia about what other people might think. No trying to have a conversation shouting over loud rap music in a pub. Less fear due to starting out contact by email or instant messaging.

It's been ok so far, but I've generally found that most women aren't trustworthy or ready for commitment, and they can't take my brutal honesty. Not even the INTJ that I dated. I long for a woman that will actually listen to what I say and trust me, instead of trying to "read" me using the techniques that work on the general public.

Or perhaps I'll just stick with my cat.

Hdier

04-23-2008, 01:28 PM

Shouldn't sexuality also be listed?

xanodel

04-24-2008, 02:11 AM

With that long introduction, please identify:

1) Your gender
2) Your age (or age range, if you don't want to reveal too much)
3) What you would find romantic, endearing, and interesting. Even if you have not yet experienced love, describe what you would consider the ideal way another person could win your heart or, at the very least, attract your attention. What would your ideal partner be/act like?
4) For scientific purposes, list the MBTI types to whom you find yourself attracted

1)Female
2) 23
3) I'm fairly quiet, but fairly assertive on issues I'm interested in, opinionated in ones that I've researched, blunt and straightforward. If I'm willing to argue with you that means either a) I value your opinion and trust you enough, or b) you're an idiot and probably pushed the upper limits of my tolerance. Trust me, you'll know if you're pushing button a or b. The biggest barrier may not be the I, J or the T, but my N (think I scored 100 on that). I've had one relationship before in high school-which doesn't really count in my mind, and have been asked before by other guys. But the biggest challenge I think, is normally I get viewed as a normal friend among guys (even just another guy), and I'll be very puzzled why guys would be even attracted to me for something other than friendship. It hasn't computed. Other than that, I've been told that during high school and middle school, guys who knew me either respected/admired me, or were intimidated/scared of me, with very few truly neutral males. My nickname during the time was pretty much "ice princess." So that might be illustrative of the initial barriers.

That being said, so far these are traits I cannot stand:
-possessiveness
-lack of curiosity in politics, economics, philosophy etc. If you want me to show interest, I'd be happy if you show some interests in my fields of research and study.
- don't like animals (especially cats)
- isn't able to look at things from different perspectives, or isn't willing to look at things from multiple perspectives
- not internationalistic enough
- too emotionally, financially or physically dependent on me. I don't mind paying for the dates (I can pay around 70% of the time), just don't make it a habit.
- Lack of genuine interest. I'll be pissed if you really glanced at Kant, but when pushed to explain further, either start looking at your finger-nails, or yawn in boredom if I start explaining (after you asked). That's probably up there with possessiveness.

What I do find attractive and endearing are:
- likes animals, nature, plants etc
- is okay with weird/ quirky people
- has a mind of his own and fairly ambitious
- has pretty good taste in things
- capable of supporting me and my causes, respects me for what and who I am.
- small gestures that show he cares, which for some reason touch me more than the extravagant gestures. I find attention to details (not over-attention to details) quite charming.
- confidence, so I don't scare him too badly (I'm one of the few who would ask a guy out)
- smart, witty and capable of holding his own in a debate. Someone I can grow and learn with.
- love books, technology, science...and genuinely curious about the world.
- be alright with the possibility I might be more traditionally masculine than him (that's the biggest issue I've seen).
- is capable of dealing with my wacko family considering they'll probably test him with a trial by fire. I'm an only daughter, what do you expect from an asian family?

For me, ideally a date could involve museums, quiet places like a park, or even a hike in the woods. I'm pretty much game for nearly everything if you can convince me-the only exceptions may be bars (but if he's performing there or something I'll go), and really loud places. However I sometimes wonder if dating and relationships are too much a hassle if I decide to focus on a career-that's the biggest competitor in my relationships.

4) I've dated probably an ST/SF type before. I also seem to attract the SP and SJ types. Personally I guess an N type would be nice. E is bearable so long as it's not too high. The only ones seemingly capable of really ticking me off are ENFP males, and I'm not sure why. An ENTJ might be interesting, and I get along very well with ENFJ/ INFJ males so far.

Pinkie

04-25-2008, 04:12 AM

Chisos

04-25-2008, 11:36 AM

1. M
2. 40's
3. Outdoors, Nature, & Extended Stays in the Wilderness; Philosophy & Spirituality & Openmindedness; Health Conscious/Semi-Vegetarian; Widely Varied & Eclectic Music+ Sing/Play; Reading & Writing; Conversation About Interests--as opposed to "people you know and what they did"; Self-confidence & Inner Strength; Minimalist.
4. ENFP or INFP; Perhaps INTJ or ESFP.

Chisos

deicruxified

04-25-2008, 12:56 PM

1) Your gender
- female. but i got an androgynous look

2) Your age (or age range, if you don't want to reveal too much)
- 1986 birthyear

3) What you would find romantic, endearing, and interesting. Even if you have not yet experienced love, describe what you would consider the ideal way another person could win your heart or, at the very least, attract your attention. What would your ideal partner be/act like?
- not an attention seeker
- makes sense
- has a good sense of humor
- values my alone time and accepts the fact that if we're already married i want some time of my own. he should know that my greatest nightmare is when i am robbed of my alone time...
- almost the same interests as mine
- is a good friend... i find too much passion intoxicating and based on my experience, it never lasts

4) For scientific purposes, list the MBTI types to whom you find yourself attracted
- entj, infp

Motor Jax

04-25-2008, 01:37 PM

i think to attract an INTJ is by:

1. complex computer problem

2. hardware that would take time to figure out

3 in-depth discussion on human behavior

actually, i tried to talk (.3) neuroscience and psychology with a bit of sociology to my INTJ buddy and he gave me the deer-in-the-headlights look

outrider

04-26-2008, 03:12 AM

how could an interested somebody attract your attention, and then work his or her way into your heart?

1) Your gender
2) Your age (or age range, if you don't want to reveal too much)
3) What you would find romantic, endearing, and interesting. Even if you have not yet experienced love, describe what you would consider the ideal way another person could win your heart or, at the very least, attract your attention. What would your ideal partner be/act like?
4) For scientific purposes, list the MBTI types to whom you find yourself attracted

1) female
2) late 30s
3) My current boyfriend told me on the second date that the most important thing about a person is what's between her ears. I was intrigued.
4) Current boyfriend is ISFP. In college I was most interested by other NTs. Late college and in my early 20s I went through an ENFP phase and dated two, one long term. Over the last few years, I've noticed that while I still enjoy NTs of all flavors, I have grown to appreciate SPs, especially ISxPs.

schwartzie

04-27-2008, 11:31 AM

OK people...I propose that we start a thread specifically to address ... how could an interested somebody attract your attention, and then work his or her way into your heart? .... you might just help out INTJs everywhere with their love life, because somebody, somewhere, ...will read this thread, take the advice into consideration, and make an INTJ somewhere very, very happy.
Somebody once made a reference to writing a manual to explain himself on the first date. Well, here you go. Have at it. Type away ...
:popcorn:

First off, CJ, good topic! INFPs -like you, my dear--can be such a breath of fresh air! May your popcorn be tasty!

I'm going to take on just the first bit of your proposal--attracting attention--and the beginnings of how one worms works oneself into the heart of this INTJ. (I'm not sure about the longer term, even for myself, certainly not for global INTJdom. And even limiting it to this small job, the task seems, well...daunting...being drawn to some aggressively insular intj.... mehkk! Good luck, gentle reader.)

1. F
2. 30+ (yeah, that's close enough)
3. You need to be incredibly patient. Let the INTJ become familiar with you being around. You may have to lurk in their (metaphorical) peripheral vision for a time, until you are confident that they have seen you and have not run away. Then you can begin your approach.

This is probably the highest risk part of the process. It's also hard for you because you have to make this huge investment in some (more or less) geek that you don't even know. Sadly, tho, it's probably the only way in....Hopefully, you know enough about your target to know that it's what you want to do.

When you make the first approach, you will need something pretty much fool-proof with which to engage them. INTJs are so damned certain that they know everything; they make up their minds nearly instantly and almost never turn back. So your first approach will not only need to be gentle and non-threatening, but also enticing. Your safest approach will be to lure the INTJ to you with something intellectually stimulating. If you haven't already, you'll need to do some background research to figure out what the INTJ likes. Then do research to gather up some really esoteric bits of knowledge on the topic(s). Have at least a couple topics of conversation at hand. You will get extra stars if you can also figure out an angle that has some sexual, love, or at least gender-ish aspect to it, so you can just delicately drop it into the conversation, and your INTJ can think about it later...when they replay this encounter in their head...and wonder....

Because most INTJs aren't real fussy about social mores, you can approach them almost anywhere. You probably don't need my advice on this, other than, let them see you coming. No surprises, please. As DrEast indicated somewhere way up this thread, however, some higher functioning INTJs do have social mores. They will require an even greater investment because you will need to research THAT too. At least, enough to not shoot yourself in the foot, and, if your first approach goes well, to ask informed questions of your INTJ, so they can tell you all about it. Same research drill as above.

You will need to make the approach to the INTJ. Be direct, low key, dead honest. Have your conversation, leave your wonderful gift of "something interesting," lightly share something quite personal about yourself, and back off. The "lightly" part of being open about yourself involves a somewhat delicate balance. INTJ's are leery of people pouring their messy sticky emotional stuff in their space, and so, you have to simultaneously demonstrate that you are open like a book and therefore safe to trust, but still emotionally functional/in control of yourself, and therefore not icky.

If the INTJ doesn't take steps to find and pursue you, repeat. You may have to do this a couple three times before the INTJ realizes that you are interesting. If they seem OK with you being around, you can gently escalate things. (this is really the same way you approach small children and animals... do that.)

You are going to have to take the lead the whole way, probably, until the INTJ's gears engage, and they decide that you are provocative. On the way, maintain your composure--which means being open, direct, honest about yourself and your warts and your aspirations. Not showing signs that the INTJ could misconstrue as being emotionally "needy." Keep up your investigations into things of interest.

If all goes well, at some point, the INTJ will "decide to pursue you." You might see it happen if you watch their eyes for the flashes when your INTJ reveals him/her self. It will generally be quick, and then gone; probably that INTJ gaze accompanied by a quirky smile. You will, of course, also know they've decided to pursue you when they begin initiating contact with you. From here on it's less work, more pure fun. Enjoy the flight. It could be heady. Pack your case with some arguments, plenty of good humor, and curiosity.

The INTJ probably will still not be able to use words to express anything resembling a feeling until significantly farther down the road, and even then you will need to give them lots of "white space" to do it in. But, for now, at the point where you have their attention, they will devote significant energy and thought to you. It would be really nice if you would do plain, domestic-y things for them--feed them some peasant food, brush their cat, a nice head skritch, take them on walks... really, it is like capturing a small animal. Maybe, like, Algernon in his prime ....

darkkodiak

04-29-2008, 07:10 PM

1) Your gender
Male

2) Your age (or age range, if you don't want to reveal too much)
20-25

3) What you would find romantic, endearing, and interesting. Even if you have not yet experienced love, describe what you would consider the ideal way another person could win your heart or, at the very least, attract your attention. What would your ideal partner be/act like?
I might go all over the place with this one haha. I especially need someone to be able to keep up with me in general because as I was once described by one of my best friends, I'm everywhere and at the same time nowhere. Intelligence is key, she doesn't necessary need to be a bookworm, just someone who seeks to improve them self and willing to learn. Sports is another thing, she does need to be outgoing here since I do a ton of sports myself. She doesn't necessary need to participate, being a spectator is fine too but having that common interest helps. Confusing me intellectually will drive me to wanting the girl more haha iono maybe it's my fetish lol :cool:. Willing to play MMORPGs, just because there are times when we can't be physically with each other and this is a perfect way to spend time together when we want to be together. IMHO, it beats chatting on the phone and online chat since this includes all the above hehe. Speaking of sports and games, it is a BIG plus if she can beat me or at least be competitive at one, some, or all of them, I find that extremely attractive. She also needs to be curious and not necessary the same things I'm curious about. Sexually, I'll say being sexually open minded because well, I'm a curious person haha :thumbsup:. I'll say no to threesome and such because it can lead to some problems and I don't want to touch that without some really long term consideration.

4) For scientific purposes, list the MBTI types to whom you find yourself attracted
I'll say that since I have a very outgoing family, I've been exposed to many types of people but I find myself mostly attract to the NT people the most. INTJs are probably what I'm most looking for in a relationship.

xtremegeek

04-30-2008, 06:37 PM

ThunderPrincess

04-30-2008, 11:59 PM

Wow ...you guys are babies...give it time...you will see it is hard to win the heart of an INTJ...but once one is won...they are very loyal

ThunderPrincess added to this post, 4 minutes and 2 seconds later...

I'm going to take on just the first bit of your proposal--attracting attention--and the beginnings of how one worms works oneself into the heart of this INTJ.

Wow...you just described me to a tee...you are right on the money

hongi

05-02-2008, 10:27 AM

1) M
2) 48
3) Great smile, confidence, intelligent, hold a conversation without blubbering or being overly emotional . . . and take an interest in what I think/say.

After discussing with my partner how we got together 23 years ago, I realize her persistence was the biggest factor, as well as taking my hand a few times when holding on tight when I wanted to disappear. By the way, she still thinks it was me that seduced her and she had nothing better to do at the time anyway. :)

4) Any if they can catch my attention

iuniperus

05-03-2008, 01:08 PM

Also, don't expect me to make any moves. It is three times more likely that you'll win the lottery, get struck by lighting, and find ten four-leaf clovers all on the same day, then it is that I will not only notice that you might possibly not be completely disinterested in me, but that I'd also stop second-guessing that long enough to figure out a halfway decent thing to say to you to convey my own interest in you. It's a lot easier for everyone if you just engage me in conversation and try to keep talking enough for me to stick around. Or better yet, just tell me that you think I'm alright and you'd like to go on a date with me or something to that effect.

No kidding. I had to practically jump my INTJ out of frustration after all my oh-so-subtle hints fell flat. Ironically, it was that aggressiveness on my part he wanted.

ElstonGunn

05-03-2008, 05:17 PM

No kidding. I had to practically jump my INTJ out of frustration after all my oh-so-subtle hints fell flat. Ironically, it was that aggressiveness on my part he wanted.

Yeah, and not only did the relationship immediately fail for that reason and nothing else, but it also literally killed you, and somehow caused an orphanage to burn down, right?

Sorry for the sarcasm, but if I could change one thing about male/female dynamics, it'd be this asinine idea that if a woman is interested in a man, she shouldn't just friggin' say, "Hey, I like you. Would you like to get to know each other more?"

onlyparallel

05-03-2008, 05:50 PM

1) Your gender female

2) Your age (or age range, if you don't want to reveal too much)
I'm a late teen.

3) What you would find romantic, endearing, and interesting. Even if you have not yet experienced love, describe what you would consider the ideal way another person could win your heart or, at the very least, attract your attention. What would your ideal partner be/act like?

I love people's little quirks. Anything unusual about them. I like sarcastic ironic intelligent slightly negative perfectionistic people. I do not know why.

4) For scientific purposes, list the MBTI types to whom you find yourself attracted

I love INTJs (I've heard ths is commmon amoung INTJ women) as for the other types I'm not too sure. Some times SFP people seem annoying to me (no offence meant)

INTJayW

05-03-2008, 06:53 PM

Considering how many INTXs there are on this forum, I'd say your chances are actually pretty good. :P

I think he means in real life, within 100 miles of where he is.

We can all talk and gripe on this forum. But no one on this forum will actually meet anyone else on this forum. There is no way to do that!

This is the nature of the internet, safe, secure, and complete anonymous!

Lrigyttiw

05-16-2008, 12:15 PM

1) Your gender
Female

2) Your age (or age range, if you don't want to reveal too much)
42

3) What you would find romantic, endearing, and interesting? Even if you have not yet experienced love, describe what you would consider the ideal way another person could win your heart or, at the very least, attract your attention. What would your ideal partner be/act like?
The way a man can win my heart is by being genuinely interested in my mind, and not just my body. Someone who can engage me in conversation. Someone who is confident. Someone who is funny. I would be interested if we had mutual things in common. My ideal partner would be a confident nerd that smells good. Is that possible?

4) For scientific purposes, list the MBTI types to whom you find yourself attracted
I don't know, that's why I'm searching for definitions of the other types. This is all new to me, and I don't get close enough to other people to know how to read them. I just know I don't like boistrous, "extra", extroverted people. Is it wrong to be attracted to another INTJ? I wish there was a male "me"....

John Galt

05-16-2008, 02:15 PM

1) Your gender
Male

2) Your age (or age range, if you don't want to reveal too much)
~20

3) What you would find romantic, endearing, and interesting. Even if you have not yet experienced love, describe what you would consider the ideal way another person could win your heart or, at the very least, attract your attention. What would your ideal partner be/act like?
Someone who is smarter than myself. Who can engage me on the level I need.

4) For scientific purposes, list the MBTI types to whom you find yourself attracted
I do not know enough to really answer this.

SeaCzar

05-16-2008, 06:34 PM

Lrigyttiw

05-16-2008, 07:14 PM

As far as looks go, as long as I do not turn into a pillar of salt looking at you...

Hilarious. I know it was a biblical reference, but it was also very Clash of the Titans, when the shield fell and Medusa saw her reflection...

44sunsets

05-23-2008, 06:53 AM

I work with an INTJ who revealed today that he dumps any gal whom he cannot make orgasm on a regular basis. He said that if she can't get excited with him every time, then he sees no reason to make any long-term commitment. His comment intrigued me. Why would he choose to use this one factor to determine the longevity of a relationship?

Sounds quite reasonable and straightforward to me. If she's not into him (assuming he is a master expert at sex, in the way that INTJs tend to be experts) then why would he want to keep the relationship going? The girl would be more likely to cheat on him anyway, so better to end it sooner rather than later.

Cuivienen

05-23-2008, 07:46 AM

1) Your gender

Female

2) Your age (or age range, if you don't want to reveal too much)

20

3) What you would find romantic, endearing, and interesting. Even if you have not yet experienced love, describe what you would consider the ideal way another person could win your heart or, at the very least, attract your attention. What would your ideal partner be/act like?

I have never been in love before, so all these are mostly guesses. As for the kind of guys I have been attracted to so far, I`m looking for intelligence (at least as smart as or smarter than me), competence and passion for whatever field of studies he is immersed in, honest, supportive, independent minded, a sense of humour, not clingy and respects my personal space. As far as looks are concerned, I mostly pay attention to eyes, preferedly dark, ideally he should be taller then me (I`m 5´7).

Whatever he does, he should not move too quickly (before I am comfortable around him, and have evaluated my own thoughts for long enough to know whether I`m interested or not). I would prefer getting to know him in a neutral surrounding (class, orchestra rehearsal, mutual friends,...), random encounters on trains or grocery stores or the like don`t work with me as they make me feel uncomfortable and I reeaally don`t like giving my number to someone I don`t know well.

4) For scientific purposes, list the MBTI types to whom you find yourself attracted

Introverted or balanced I/E, N is a must, T is preferred but F would also be tolerable, as long as it wasn`t too dominant.

beverly penn

05-23-2008, 08:14 PM

1) Your gender:

Female

2) Your age

18-20

3) What you would find romantic, endearing, and interesting. Even if you have not yet experienced love, describe what you would consider the ideal way another person could win your heart or, at the very least, attract your attention. What would your ideal partner be/act like?

I think I've found him already, but for kicks, it's very simple. He would be genuine but never overly emotional (this puts me in an uncomfortable position).
I don't want him to fake interest, I want him to BE interested. In math, in science, in art and music and culture. He should be smarter than average in a lot of ways, but I don't want a professional or self-centered intellectual.

I want a plain as day carpenter/auto mechanic/blues guitarist type. They're generally the most attractive to me. He doesn't have to know a whole lot about the subjects I love, but it'd be cool if he could embrace my love for them and show some (uneducated, even) interest of his own.
I won't bother name the general traits (honest, kind, etc.) because those go without saying and I won't become involved with a big child.

I think he'd win my heart by being independent and a good, objective listener. I'm an expressed "I", but one-on-one discussions are really invigorating for me. He can't be very touchy-feely - I like all that stuff, but in moderation. Talking twice a week is enough in the dating stage. Seeing each other more than once a week is too much. The in-between moments are reflective and really important for me, and if he can intuit that, he's in.

4) For scientific purposes, list the MBTI types to whom you find yourself attracted:

ENTJ :lovestruck: INTJ :lovestruck:

I can NOT deal with strong Fs. I dated one and have been followed around by a couple others, and my stance is that the approval they want needs to come from somebody other than me.

Blendy

05-24-2008, 12:02 AM

1) Your gender
Female

2) Your age (or age range, if you don't want to reveal too much)
30

3) What you would find romantic, endearing, and interesting.
-Sense of Humor: Someone who smiles and laughs easily. And can make me laugh.
-Intelligence and knowledge: Interested in and able to talk about diverse subjects.
-Confidence, without arrogance: Even a shred of arrogance is a HUGE turnoff to me.
-Politeness and courtesy: Not only to me, but to waitstaff, toll booth attendants, you name it.
-Creativity and charm: I like weird, slightly offbeat people, with quiet intensity.
-Love of nature and animals: For some reason, I find it so incredibly endearing when men are really attached to their cat(s).

4) For scientific purposes, list the MBTI types to whom you find yourself attracted
ENTP (only the mature, non-arrogant ones)
INFP
INFJ

44sunsets

05-24-2008, 08:23 AM

3. You need to be incredibly patient. Let the INTJ become familiar with you being around. You may have to lurk in their (metaphorical) peripheral vision for a time, until you are confident that they have seen you and have not run away. Then you can begin your approach.

This is probably the highest risk part of the process. It's also hard for you because you have to make this huge investment in some (more or less) geek that you don't even know. Sadly, tho, it's probably the only way in....Hopefully, you know enough about your target to know that it's what you want to do.

This is gold wisdom.

I'm in a kind of similar situation, so I know exactly how this goes.

High risk, with (IMHO) high returns.

If they seem OK with you being around, you can gently escalate things. (this is really the same way you approach small children and animals... do that.)

I'm reminded of the book "Le Petit Prince" and the little prince's daily ritual with his friend the fox.

overclockedgirl

05-24-2008, 04:07 PM

1) Female.
2) 24.
3) I love when I am talking to someone who I think I understand and they understand me. Someone who can carry on an intelligent conversation, and I love men who are smarter than me. Is it sick that I'm envisioning my love and I playing poker heads up at the end of a poker tournament after we've taken everyone out? And then he tells me how beautiful I am while we look into each others eyes and try to trick one another.
4) INTJ, INTP, ENFP, INFJ (fatal but irresistible), ISTP (I mistake them for another INTJ a lot at first; I think they're actually colder than INTJs a lot), ENTP. (ENTJs are fun to challenge).

schwartzie

05-25-2008, 01:46 PM

I'm reminded of the book "Le Petit Prince" and the little prince's daily ritual with his friend the fox. This is a lovely comparison. This passage (the fox describing the importance of ritual in the daily visits) applies as well: The next day the little prince came back.
"It would have been better to come back at the same hour," said the fox. "If, for example, you come at four o'clock in the afternoon, then at three o'clock I shall begin to be happy. I shall feel happier and happier as the hour advances. At four o'clock, I shall already be worrying and jumping about. I shall show you how happy I am! But if you come at just any time, I shall never know at what hour my heart is to be ready to greet you... One must observe the proper rites..."
Fox is perhaps an INFJ and the prince an INTP?

lambpox

05-25-2008, 05:12 PM

1) Female.

2) 15.

3) For some sort of reason, I have always been attracted to the rebel types; the people the exact opposite of me. The ones' with long hair, plays guitar, likes experimenting with drugs and sleeps in the back of class. It's a really bad habit of mine but for some sort of reason every time I see a boy that fits these attributes I tend to be curious. If someone can make me curious, I fall for them. To me, a perfect relationship is being relaxed with my boyfriend, none of us trying really hard, enjoying the moment. I value intellect, some sort of talent, and politeness. I wouldn't want someone who is uptight and rigid. I like being with extroverted types, they make me loosen up and just be happy. Overall, I like engaged conversations full of rich debate...so if he has the brain to argue with me, I would love him more than anything. It would be nice if he was a vegan also, but a girl can't have everything! Extra points if he's patient and ok with accident-prone people. :thumbsup:

Even if I seem pretty 'cold' with friends, I'm a sucker for romance. I'm probably the biggest romantic on this planet, but I never tell anyone. I always mention how dumb and useless a romance is. To sound cool, maybe. :blank:

4) ENFP, INTJ, INFJ, ENFJ, INTP, INFP.

dissident

05-25-2008, 08:10 PM

1) Male

2) 27

3) Someone who is sweet and romantic, who is more focused on the love then the money and status.. someone intelligent and intuitive, preferably spiritual .. someone who has the ability to put up with my INTJ nature and knows that I'm not mad at them just because I'm not talking to them. When it comes to a relationship, those F traits will come out to shine...I'm quite the romantic, cuddly type (though nobody would suspect this) and my partner must be too. Someone who enjoys a subtle, sarcastic sense of humor that takes most people a few minutes to figure out. :) Someone who's mature enough to take responsibility for the decisions they've made in their life, and not try to blame it on everyone else.

Someone who doesn't mind playing the part of the extrovert, because I don't want too... someone who's good at starting conversions... but isn't so extroverted they need to be "doing stuff" or talking all the time to keep from being bored... there's a fine line between being romantic and being clingy or relying on me as your sole source of amusement... a little balance is nice. :) I'll keep you financially secure, if you keep me socially secure. Do we have a deal? (Or if you wish, I'll gladly stay home and take care of the kids and keep the house clean while you bring in the money.. hey, a person can dream can't they?)

Oh, and looks aren't important, but weight is.. sorry no overweight people, by overweight I use a BMI greater then 30 as being considered "overweight" A jogger would be nice.. I like to jog.

4) ENFP, INTJ, INFJ, ENFJ, INTP, INFP

poisonkisses

05-25-2008, 08:35 PM

1. I am a lovely female ;)
2) 17 years old
3) I don't think I am particularly romantic. I love intelligence. It totally leaves me enamored when I meet a guy who knows his stuff in math and/or science. I can't stand a submissive man, and similarly I love men who are very assertive. Strangely though, every single ex of mine has been submissive. I also love humor. Bring on the sarcasm!
4) I don't know about this last one. I guess I would prefer an E because they amuse me and make the situation more comfortable for me. N definitely. I think maybe T over F here because an F would confuse me and if they were a T they would understand me better. Lastly, hmm, I don't know whether J or P.

simplisticjoy

05-26-2008, 04:30 PM

24, female, I like INTJ, INFJ, ENTP

I've only recently (1 1/2 years) been in a relationship that was really significant (got my emotion involved). What I find attractive:

Direct, specific compliments
Sarcasm
Confidence/Initiative - when he says: I'm going, want to come?
Displays of interest/desire for physical touch
Intellectual conversation that invites exploration of a topic
Behind the scenes thoughtfulness
Being treated like I'm appreciated

Most of all, I've noticed that I have thoughts like 'that's romantic' when he is direct, honest, and sincere all at once - the topic can vary to a large degree, it's the way he says it.

44sunsets

05-28-2008, 06:06 AM

...
At four o'clock, I shall already be worrying and jumping about. I shall show you how happy I am! But if you come at just any time, I shall never know at what hour my heart is to be ready to greet you... One must observe the proper rites..."
Fox is perhaps an INFJ and the prince an INTP?

I'm inclined to agree. The fox is the one who shares the nugget of wisdom "What is essential is invisible to the eye". The little prince has the playfulness of an INTP, and it doesn't really seem like he has Feeling type characteristics.

The narrator/aviator (presumably Antoine de Saint-Exupery himself) is an INFP, or (less likely) INFJ.

Minerva

05-29-2008, 12:27 PM

4) ENFP, INTJ, INFJ, ENFJ, INTP, INFP

WOW! You just won me over, and I am not in your quoted types. Careful when trying to put people in a box. I have grown far from what my MBTI says I should be. But then again, I had 3, now 2, INTJs in my close family, 4 INTJ friends, and the only guy I fell hard for was an INTJ.

niffer

05-29-2008, 09:14 PM

Hmm...honestly I agree with most of what other females here have described to be what would win their hearts. xD

Perhaps it's not so restricted to only INTJ types.

Mogura

05-29-2008, 11:27 PM

how could an interested somebody attract your attention, and then work his or her way into your heart?

Usually brownies baked from scratch kills those two birds with one stone. ;)

1) Your gender

Proud owner of one Y-chromosome

2) Your age

Mid-30's

3) What you would find romantic, endearing, and interesting. Even if you have not yet experienced love, describe what you would consider the ideal way another person could win your heart or, at the very least, attract your attention. What would your ideal partner be/act like?

I'm kind of old-fashioned, so please bear that in mind as you read my answer. During "the chase" phase, I would prefer the girl to take the initiative and show that she's interested. I am kind of dense when it comes to her dropping subtle hints that she's interested, but as long as she is not capricious I will eventually catch on.

The things I like... handwritten letters (Had a girlfriend that wrote a poem to me once--bonus points for her), music compilations (Had a girlfriend that recorded a piano/singing session for me--bonus points for her), foods/sweets made from scratch (e.g., a hand-packed picnic basket)--basically the theme here is investing time and using one's hands/talents to produce something beautiful. Her idea of a romantic time would be something like spending a winter holiday in a cabin in the mountains, snowed in with nothing to do but sit around in front of a wood-burning fireplace, drinking hot chocolate, cuddling, and playing strip Monopoly to pass the time. Ha ha! Someone with a lot of romantic dreams and notions would be nice...

I may be an INTJ, but I don't claim to be a typical INTJ... Perhaps some INTJs would choke on some of the things I wrote...

Oh, and one last thing, selfishness is a big turnoff for me... There is no "ME" in "WE"...

4) For scientific purposes, list the MBTI types to whom you find yourself attracted

I've never thought about which MBTI types I would be attracted to (being a male... a sparkle in the eye, a cute smile, and playful personality would probably do it). But if I had to restrict it to MBTI types... maybe INFP, ENFP, ISFP, ESFP... Someone who is not an exact copy of me (INTJ), but someone who would complement me by bringing to the table traits I am weak in (F/P). Likewise, I would bring my own strong traits to the table (T/P) to complement her, and she would appreciate it. Now that I think of it, I have always been attracted to artistic/creative/"giving" types...

44sunsets

05-30-2008, 04:55 AM

Hmm...honestly I agree with most of what other females here have described to be what would win their hearts. xD

Perhaps it's not so restricted to only INTJ types.

Attraction transcends MBTI types. This is something I realised a few years back. So the most important question is not so much "What MBTI type" but "man or woman"?

There are universal dos and don'ts for men and women, and they are different for each gender.

Of course, if you know MBTI theory, you can apply that for some extra advantage and leverage :)

einnelsate

05-30-2008, 08:04 PM

1) female.
2) 14-15 years old.
3) An intelligent being, one who's constantly fun to argue and debate with.
4) xNTxs. Mainly ENTJs, INTPs and INTJs.

PRBori

05-30-2008, 08:30 PM

1) Your gender
Female

2) Your age (or age range, if you don't want to reveal too much)

33

3) What you would find romantic, endearing, and interesting. Even if you have not yet experienced love, describe what you would consider the ideal way another person could win your heart or, at the very least, attract your attention.

Intelligent, ambitious, brutally honest and direct, respectful of others (i.e., elderly, their parents, the cleaning team, etc.), with clear goals and plans to achieve them, open minded, and someone who compliments my mind..., someone that can tell how I am without me saying much, someone that likes brain teasers...

I like nature scenes, candle light dinners with romantic music on the background, and just a romantic setting. Now I hate men who flirt too much and show their actual interest on me right away... is a complete turn-off. If I feel someone is interested in going out with me because they are interested it in a relationship I shot them down... Ahh.. and yes I like men to take the first step when the time is right... certainly day one is not right... day two maybe OK... but I have no rush for anything...

What would your ideal partner be/act like?

Uhh... I have lots of requirements, so here are some:

- US Citizen.... I'm not a ticket to America and have no plans on repeating previous experiences
- Non Smoking, Non Drinking, No Drugs, I might not mind social drinking, but not an alcoholic
- Clean Criminal Record, prefer someone with a Sec Clearance
- Hard Working
- All of the items mention on the previous question
- He should be funny so that side of me can come out
- He should enjoy the outdoors or at least be willing to try it
- He should should accept the fact that I have kids
- He should be responsible and strive hard to retire early
- He should be understanding for I can be harsh at times
- He should be willing to come to terms whenever an issue arise in the relationship and communicate at all times anything good or bad in the relationship

I can go on and on... but I think that gives an idea of what's on my head...

4) For scientific purposes, list the MBTI types to whom you find yourself attracted

I'm not that good identifying people by their MBTI, but the one I'm with now I believe is an ENTJ or ENTP, not sure... but as long as the above is met along with every other requirement I have I guess is fine.

Freak87

06-17-2008, 07:04 AM

I have a burning question. I am an ENFP and I am trying so desperately to get a certain INTJ to reciprocate his feelings for me. you seem as if you might have some characteristics similar to him and a good grasp on yourself, so I am asking you for some advice. but first, the story.

We met, in a class, seen each other before in the same brother/sister co-op group in college. I rushed up to him immediately (friendly as I am), He seemed QUITE nervous. I backed up. we sat next to eachother. knew eachother for about a week and then I asked him on a date (but didn't know it!) when we had to seek out some materials for a class that we have together. finding the materials he was ALL business. little teasing. it was VERY disappointing. walking back to his place, 2 minutes from reaching home, he threw this at me: "Did you know that 95% of statistics aren't true?" keeping a straight poker-face. he also told me i would never be better at debating than him because he is an english major and i am in the inferior? lol one of journalism. however, I am now switched to English, ironically! these remarks, although really flattered me at the time in their flirting nature, offended my logical mind. this followed with a string of insults, smiles, and extreme sexual chemistry and attraction. we've touched lightly a few times and that is all. he is very hard to get to know. then, it happened, i went into complete denial and began to ignore him- frustrated over his over-criticalness and unassertiveness on asking me out. I could TELL he could feel it and he definitely backed away, although never completely. throughout this time I have apologized and he said, it was for nothing, he said he is often a jerk and I have only ever been delightful. He has said some of the comments I have made on his facebook are the sweetest comments he has ever gotten but he fails to reciprocate! I know he thinks I am interesting and attractive but...nothing.

NOW, a year an a half later, I am much more mature, and I have realized the gentle teasing was only a tool to get my attention and have actually come to like it and laugh at it, with the help of my brother who teases me all the time (ESFJ). Basically, this realization came through this one time we were talking and he was WIDE-EYED (very nervous)- we were around other people in our co-ops and I just approached him naturally. he has a very confident way about him and always loves to talk- which I absolutely ADORE, especially about mythology, culture, literature, science, anything. he is so witty and clever. now...im rambling. He teases me constantly; he takes every opportunity to point out why I am special or fun.

after I left the conversation, it struck me, I have fallen head over heels for him and am VERY interested in getting to know him better. I usually initiate the conversation and now we are talking on facebook. I don't want to appear too desperate. I see him about twice a week but anyways to hint at wanting to ask him out? something else important- I fear that my misunderstanding of his jokes and coldness to him might have turned him off of me forever, though I know he finds me attractive still. I can tell by the way he talks with me. He was wearing a shirt and I was interested in it and he said, "oh it goes into detail on my tag." it got REALLY quiet because I was not going to look. after I talked him into it, he finally looked himself. when he was going to look, I thought he was going to ask his buddy, he looked like he was going to take his shirt off, in front of a bunch of people and I was like "ah- don't take your shirt off." he replied, "that's what you want isn't it?" I replied, "wow, you can read my mind!" (sarcastically of course)

I am so in love with him. how forward should I be??? there is obviously much chemistry---emotionally, and I could cut our sexual tension with a knife! I am going to resort to touching because maybe if i touch him lightly on the shoulder, he will start to see i am interested in him more than a friend. after our fallout (on my side only) he stopped hugging me (though we barley hugged before) and now we dont touch at all...what does that mean? how can i get his attention and show him im for real and i like him?

thanks for your help and support!
I <3 the intj forum

ygor

06-17-2008, 07:41 AM

I'm Male, 26 years.

I met my future wife in college, and the decisive aspect was her curiosity and ability to have a good talk with me. I'm a person very introspective, but with her it's easy to have a good time.
Also, something very important is the desire to achieve. I'm all the time supporting ideias to go higher in career and studies, and someone who would not like to chase these ideals gets a red "NO FIT" in their forehead.
I'm not very romantic, and I hate to buy gifts just because TV says so. I give all the time detailed fancy stuff, chocolate, roses, etc; but don't force me.

If I had to give some advice, be his best friend. Stay with him, invite him to something, and talk with him. I don't know if it's just me, but I just like those who like me (they before me). So, if you intend to achieve his love, it's better to love him first. I know it's not easy, but that's how it worked. Once I read INTJs did not have a lot of trustfull people around him in childhood, maybe its a natural defense.

MBTI who fitted was a ESFJ woman.

Freak87

06-17-2008, 09:19 AM

thank you. this was truly helpful ygor (:

I agree about being his best friend- first- when I think about it, concerning him and another INTJ I know, it makes perfect sense. maybe patience/friendship is the best thing here. again, thanks.

the1eyedking

06-17-2008, 11:45 PM

1) Your gender
Male

2) Your age (or age range, if you don't want to reveal too much)
27

3) What you would find romantic, endearing, and interesting? Even if you have not yet experienced love, describe what you would consider the ideal way another person could win your heart or, at the very least, attract your attention. What would your ideal partner be/act like?

It would have to be someone who challenges my intellect, I have a very difficult time dealing with people who can't think through their actions or plan even the most rudimentary tasks in advance.

I also try and avoid people who go through life asleep, they never know where they are, what they are doing, and they can't understand anything that is not presented in a 10 sec sound bite formula.

I guess thats more of a list of what I don't want, but thats what I have the most experience with.

4) For scientific purposes, list the MBTI types to whom you find yourself attracted

I don't know, I've never tested any Ex's and I didn't realize until just recently that reason I very different from the people around me is because of my personality type.

curiousjane

06-18-2008, 05:55 AM

1) Your gender
Male

2) Your age (or age range, if you don't want to reveal too much)
27
Side note: Yay! Another older 20s! We aren't so common here.

3) What you would find romantic, endearing, and interesting? Even if you have not yet experienced love, describe what you would consider the ideal way another person could win your heart or, at the very least, attract your attention. What would your ideal partner be/act like?
I also try and avoid people who go through life asleep, they never know where they are, what they are doing, and they can't understand anything that is not presented in a 10 sec sound bite formula.
[/QUOTE]

This is actually a documented side effect of MTV. Seriously. As soon as MTV became popular and absorbed into our culture, people's attention spans began to drop significantly. Sorry. Former mass communications major jumping in here!

ChrisM

06-18-2008, 06:09 AM

1. Male
2. 20
3. I'm not exactly sure. I think the most important thing is that we share the same values. I'm attracted to easy-going women who work hard and play hard, but are very thoughtful at the same time (that's how I see myself). I always seek to understand others, and I need to be understood (listened to) every now and again. :) I can't stand mind-games or control freaks. I value a life of constant growth, learning, patience, and not having to always be in the center of things (humility?).
4. INTJs that aren't too cold, INTPs that aren't too lazy, INFPs that aren't too spaced out. :)

VendettaNZ

06-18-2008, 06:30 AM

I am so in love with him. how forward should I be??? there is obviously much chemistry---emotionally, and I could cut our sexual tension with a knife! I am going to resort to touching because maybe if i touch him lightly on the shoulder, he will start to see i am interested in him more than a friend. after our fallout (on my side only) he stopped hugging me (though we barley hugged before) and now we dont touch at all...what does that mean? how can i get his attention and show him im for real and i like him?

Uh im not that old (19) so dont take my advice too seriously but I can try.
There is a girl from my work that likes me and im pretty sure she is a ENFP, I found out she likes me by her friends, any way. She keeps asking me to do stuff with her by dropping really obvious hints. I go on these with her but am too shy to ''make a move'' and sort of waiting for her, but she is nervous too so doesnt. So just I think be his best friend and be obvious that you dont just want to be his friend, then tell him what you think. I find by people telling me what they think is sooo much more simple because as INTJ's we tend to over analyze stuff and mix ourselves up, plus we dont get offended easily so shoot!

curiousjane

06-18-2008, 08:18 AM

ElstonGunn

06-18-2008, 09:38 AM

I am so in love with him. how forward should I be??? [...] how can i get his attention and show him im for real and i like him?

As far as I myself am concerned, it's impossible to be too forward with me. I'd just like to know for sure whether or not a person is interested in me. The conclusiveness of that is far more important to me that how you make it known. So for all I care, you could just say, "Hey, bozo! I like you."

I'd actually strongly prefer that over having to pick up on all your hints and signals and figure them out on my own. And even if I think I have them figured out, it's still very unlikely that I'll do what you're probably expecting. I don't like acting on bad information, and when you're talking about my ability to pick up on flirtation and romantic hints, there is no other kind of information.

But do you tire of our need for affirmation (ridiculous as it is) and grow weary of our fears?

I don't mind the need for affirmation on two conditions: 1. I like you. And 2. You admit that it's not exactly something I'm used to doing, so don't expect me to be perfect at it. If those conditions are met, then I'll do it. As for fears, I don't know. What kinds of fears? Like spiders and boogeymen? Or more like a fear of getting hurt? Guess which one of those I'm more likely to understand (though not necessarily fear, myself), and which one doesn't make a whole lot of sense to me. Whether or not I'd grow weary of them depends on how often and in what manner you bring them up, not to mention how satisfying my clumsy attempts at alleviating them are.

Will you judge us and cut us off if we cross a boundary we didn't know existed, or if we push you out of your comfort zone, will you resist?

If you say that you want to be told when you do something I don't care for, I'll probably point it out when that happens. If you then proceed to freak out because I told that I didn't like something you did, I won't bother telling you again (or believing you when you tell me that you want to know about things like that). I'd prefer to stay in my comfort zone, all other things being equal. I don't understand the appeal of discomfort, but if you can convince me that there is something to be gained by doing it, I'll consider giving it a shot.

If we want a "defined" relationship, will you balk at the social custom? If we need you to reciprocate at some point, will you comply not only willingly, but gladly?

Which custom? I don't enjoy everything at the Social Custom Buffet, but I do like some of what they got there. My likelihood of reciprocation is basically the sum of my desire to reciprocate and the level of certainty of a positive response. So if you claim to need reciprocation, I guess that takes care of the likelihood of a positive response.

And how long does it take to burrow into your heart? How much patience is this going to require? How strongly should we shield our own heart to withstand the blows we will receive while struggling forward against the INTJ defense systems?

I don't have much of a defense system. It's just a moat. You can swim across it if you want, and I'd at least hear you out. But most people would rather wait for me to lower the drawbridge. That's probably not going to happen, though (see my first comment in this post for an explanation of why).

Rohsiph

06-18-2008, 03:07 PM

Agree with ElstonGunn for the most part.

On unknown boundaries: if it's obvious that you didn't know about the boundary in the first place, any healthy one of us should give you a second chance--just don't cross it again (and be sure to talk about it in detail if not crossing it again could be a problem).

On comfort zones: please make efforts to push us out of them, but don't force us belligerently--that we would resent, but we would revere your desire to show us new experiences. If we're not in the right mood, don't keep pushing--but don't necessarily give up.

How long to burrow into a heart? Forever and immediately. The people I love I'll never forget, but if they become someone else I might have to cut them out of my life. Get in, and the person that got in is never coming out. Getting in is something each of us can determine only on individual bases: it's case-by-case, I'd be surprised to ever discover a predictable pattern.

Nanashi

06-18-2008, 03:39 PM

So you don't get offended easily. Good. We can be straightforward with you, okay, difficult, but good. But do you tire of our need for affirmation (ridiculous as it is) and grow weary of our fears? Will you judge us and cut us off if we cross a boundary we didn't know existed, or if we push you out of your comfort zone, will you resist? Will you sneer at our fragility? Or laugh at our feeble attempts to be proactive? If we want a "defined" relationship, will you balk at the social custom? If we need you to reciprocate at some point, will you comply not only willingly, but gladly?

And how long does it take to burrow into your heart? How much patience is this going to require? How strongly should we shield our own heart to withstand the blows we will receive while struggling forward against the INTJ defense systems?
Straightforward is better, actually. I get confused, uncomfortable, and begin to feel inadequate in working with someone who doesn't give me a straight answer or doesn't act in a way that allows me to ascertain their state of mind/heart. Do I tire of your need for affirmation & grow weary of your fears? INTJs have that sensitive, underdeveloped Fi going on. We're quite sensitive to rejection. It's to the pushy, illogical person that we say "I don't give a crap what you think." I can appreciate someone with sensitive feelings. I don't have my Fi so high on the list of my functions, but I can use it. My mom's an INFP, and that made for some pressure when I was being a logical five-year-old, happy to be interested in my own daydreams, and my mom was offended that I said no, I DIDN'T care to see my sister tie her own shoe. Will you NFs be accommodating of our 'other-giftedness' and our lack of proficiency with feelings? I may judge you and be upset if you cross one of my own boundaries. I don't realize people don't understand some of my quirky boundaries. However, sensitive and sincere apologies after the fact are great moments of intimacy for me in regard to my friends. We're talking about my sensitive, hidden, oft-ignored (by me) emotional side, and they are being delicate. It's great. Of course I may resist if you attempt to push me out of my comfort zone. First! Notice the wording: YOU PUSH...ME out of MY zone. Respect my independence and need to do it on my own. You may be the catalyst, but I'm the one who has to actually do it. Give me that, and I will respect and like you. Try to force me to be/do/view anything, and you will quickly find how important it is for me to do the work myself. Your idea, etc, CAN be incorporated into my concept of the universe/personal philosophy. I can be reasoned with about how another situation would be better for me, and, if given my freedom to grow after that, I'll be committed to improvement. I have to admit I sometimes note the fragility of my INFP/ENFP acquaintances, but these people also often possess incredible strength. I note that, too. :) Sometimes I DO get frustrated by an INFP I know not doing something, but I can do it myself for her, or I can learn to just not watch her do it. I guess I don't like the loss of power I have if she's doing something. Sometimes, again, she is really committed and gets things down that I don't know if I could do. I may balk at social customs in general that hurt or constrict people for what I consider unnecessary purposes, but I definitely see the logic and necessity of a defined relationship. I also think that psychologically, a commitment and relationship parameters are healthy and protect people. The idea of marriage is very beautiful to me. I just don't want to go through motions someone else set up. I want what's right for me and my mate. I don't think guys should spend gobs of money on girls or that girls should be forced to stay home and be subservient. People are alive, and they need social support systems that work for them. I like to show the ENFP I like that I value him; it's just often in complicated ways. I've been trying to just come out and tell family/friends "I love you" or "You make me happy", etc, whenever I feel it. The funny part is that I have to make a conscious decision to.

How long does it take to burrow into my heart? How long were you planning on staying? If this is an "I want my INTJ acquaintance to think I'm a likable person," instantaneously, if I see something deep/beautiful/telling about you. If you're looking for friend material, I have to be able to tolerate being around you physically and mentally. It could take several days to assure myself that you're interesting/easy/fun to be around. Romantically, I need to trust you and make sure our future plans and our values are in-line before I'll seriously consider being with you, even if I find you very attractive. Why hurt either of us later if we have to break up b/c we didn't analyze how your being an atheist, strictly NYC-based journalist, who doesn't want kids at all and my being a theist, research scientist on a project at UC Davis and being unsure about the kids-issue could cause problems down the road? How strongly should we shield our own heart to withstand the blows we will receive while struggling forward against the INTJ defense systems?Guarding your hearts while making it through the INTJ defense systems/screening process.....I haven't been on that end, but I've definitely seen one ENFP suitor struggling with pain I didn't feel I even contributed to, but that was obviously tied up with my impassivity and introversion while he developed feelings. Of course I was developing feelings, but they are not always shared unless you ask. I want to be sure of the other person's feelings AND intentions with regard to those feelings. Sometimes I have my intuition working so well that I can tell when someone likes me, but I need to know what YOU WANT to do with those feelings and to have the freedom to have my own desires in that regard. That was long. Hopefully it was interesting and helpful.

Nanashi added to this post, 22 minutes and 37 seconds later...

I'm une femme.
2) 23
3) What you would find romantic, endearing, and interesting. An ENFP. I know. I'm a bit precise with what I want. I also jive really well with an ESFJ lady at my work, so I might get along well with an ESFJ guy, but ENFPs stop me in my tracks like a beautiful, interesting explosion of fireworks....they're just so ALIVE! End gushiness here.
<br>
the ideal way another person could win my heart would be to be creative and idealistic, outgoing, open to ideas, and sensitive. We'd have to spend time together in a low-key environment, where there's not a lot of pressure on me to entertain or communicate, but where I can be myself and slowly open up--like where mutual friends are. I'm intensely talkative if it's something I care about, and you're a good listener. I'd probably need several weeks to several months to start developing serious feelings for you. To at the very least attract my attention, you have to be kind/sensitive to others (I already inadvertently put people off, we don't need two of us doing that, and I'm very respectful of people's rights, so don't be an anti-egalitarian, white-supremacist, if you can help it), and it doesn't hurt to appear intellectual or creative.

4) E N F P......ENFP. . . . eNFp . . .EnFp.

I think I agree with Aoiluna’s first post on this thread, that I want someone who is imaginative and likes new things...someone who surprises me. I'd say that person would have Ne.

I have been attracted to other types but haven't felt the level of interest or intimacy with them that I have with the ENFP.

seoa

06-18-2008, 04:53 PM

Romantically, I need to trust you and make sure our future plans and our values are in-line before I'll seriously consider being with you, even if I find you very attractive. Why hurt either of us later if we have to break up b/c we didn't analyze....

ho hum. i told "my" intj that i was interested. it appears that he's not. interested in a relationship that is.

maybe i'm just fooling myself, but i think that i've been weighed in the intj balance & found wanting, coz we don't have all the same outside interests. i could have sworn the attraction was mutual...

forgive me for thinking this is a little bit crazy - there's no guarantees in life, and compromise is certainly possible, at least on my part.... and anyway, are the externals (non-essential lifestyle choices) really more important than compatible minds, which i think is where the attraction mostly comes...?

the worst of it is, i think he's basing some (a lot) of his decisions on some of the frivolous rubbish that i come out with in the office... i'm an enfp... sometimes i make grandiose, all-encomposing statements in casual conversation... they're not necessarily indicative of deeply held life-defining beliefs :) oh well, i guess if he can't accept who i am (someone who sometimes talks with more emotion than logic :)) then he's not right for me anyway?? *sad*

anyway, so far at least, he seems to be being a gentleman about it - not gossiping about it with others in the office, or otherwise making me feel like a fool for having expressed my interest. long may it continue.....

Cygnus

06-18-2008, 05:49 PM

I'm 38 year old man...it is difficult for me to find the words to describe what I would find romantic, endearing, and interesting....since most of it is intuative for me.

Romantic I think varies..I tend to focus on the romantic that believes in dreams...not so much the open displays of love.

Endearing...that underneath the intelligent and strong, womanly armor the innocent, girlish charm still shines through.

Interesting...she is always learning and growing mentally and spiritually.

I can point to a charatcr from a computer roleplaying game as the best example of someone I can fall in love with. Fall-From-Grace (from Planescape Torment)

As for scientific purposes, I cannot say any particular MBTI type has any more attraction to me than another and I would prefer to not try.

Deuce

06-18-2008, 07:56 PM

I am a 24 year old male.
Be unique, and silly. I am almost always serious and sarcastic(this has gotten me into way to much trouble)
example: Seriously the most recent one to get my attention and start drilling her way in pretty much did the most asinine thing I have seen since BMT(Basic Military Training). She goes to the sandwich line, and orders a ham wrap minus the meat add ranch. I failed to understand since tortillas are pretty much flavorless, and they had all the salads in the world premade 5 steps away.
particular types all mild EXXX's most IXXX's you know they are all good at times.

Freak87

06-18-2008, 08:10 PM

to respond to this idea of the need for affirmation, INTJ's need for independence, etc., what if the ENFP understands that and respects that? what if he/she is willing to compromise and fulfill the needs and desires of her/his INTJ while asking for some to be fulfilled of her own? isn't it all about understanding one another and working to make eachother stronger and more understanding of other people?

I love the common N between ENFP and INTJ. Their understanding of the sensitivity factor gives the INTJ an internal F quality almost and the ENFP helps bring that out into the open- which is hard for the INTJ I'm guessing. much of this is from what I've read and experienced personally with INTJ's- some may not be correct. I love that the INTJ's have minds- I love that they seem to be listening and understand what I'm going through-even though they are in a world away in their criticalness. I have often thought about what being with an INTJ would be like. I really think the N is what would save the relationship from the disaster. It's almost like the ENFP's opposite but the N makes the match kindred soulmates lol. you know what I mean?

One thing I have been pondering..I really can't stand how INTJ's are so unaggressive, yet, I've begun to question my own confidence and say, maybe this is good for me, to bring me out of my comfort zone and make me the person I was meant to be- maybe the INTJ is already helping me be more myself by not making the first move. I think it is hard for me because like the INTJ, ENFP is very sensitive and does have fear of failure. it's something I want to work on. another thing- it simply boggles my mind how confident the INTJ can be yet how unaggressive at the same time. this is what drove me crazy at first...oh boy...

Bandit

06-19-2008, 02:39 PM

You can't......plain and simple.. we choose exactly what we want when we want it.. after giving all possible options due consideration and examining all possible outcomes.. You have no power to whoo us or win us over.... I pick and choose and may arbitrarily shoot someone down for amusement, or push them away, and pull them in.. just to repeat the cycle...

If I feel there will be a good return on my investment or that a specific need can be met for a defined amount of time then I will opt in.. if not I will drop you like a hot rock...

30 Male...

seoa

06-19-2008, 03:27 PM

we choose exactly what we want when we want it..
and therein lies the appeal.... oh, to be chosen by an INTJ....

*sigh* :)

curiousjane

06-19-2008, 03:42 PM

Supply and demand, baby.

It's the hunt for the elusive affirming look/glance/touch. Short supply ... high demand.

Why we care so much? Who knows.

TheLastMohican

06-19-2008, 03:45 PM

Supply and demand, baby.

It's the hunt for the elusive affirming look/glance/touch. Short supply ... high demand.

I must barge in to suggest a statistic: What is the ratio of INTJ's to the types that tend to seek INTJ's? This would be an interesting question for all types, actually.

curiousjane

06-19-2008, 03:49 PM

Well, it also applies to a single person.

Number of Purposeful Interested Gestures
----------------------------------------------- = The happiness ratio of the non-INTJ
Number of Times I Wish For One

TheLastMohican

06-19-2008, 03:59 PM

Rohsiph

06-19-2008, 04:16 PM

That seems so bizarre to me--

happiness is based on undesired affirmations overtaking unmet, but desired, affirmations?

It really is a losing battle, then . . . INTJ's don't care about affirmation.

If I cared about affirmations, I'd be in a much darker place right now. I go months and months without hearing a single positive comment . . . it's painful to imagine how hard it would be for me if I made it a valued priority to seek such things.

Teach them the logic and I think they could learn how to meet you half-way, but it doesn't make straightforward sense--at least not to me.

curiousjane

06-19-2008, 07:26 PM

Rohsiph, I think you misunderstood, or I was unclear. Yes, we need affirmation, but this particular example is referring to actual physical, verbal, or written gestures of "I like you back." Not necessarily "you are pretty," "you are special to me," "you are so cool!"

(I am going to use the generic me/you for examples here, so ...) More like ...

- I smile. You smile back. We've just shared a Moment.
- You ask me how I'm doing, and really show interest in my response.
- I'm not feeling well. You bring Tylenol, a box of tissues, and my favorite movie.
- I dress up for a special evening. You notice. And say so.
- Without prompting from me, you say, "let's go get dinner on Friday night."
- It's my birthday. You call to say "happy birthday."
- You remember I'm allergic to peanuts.
- You ask for my opinion on things. And take it into consideration.
- You send me an e-mail, just to say hi. And hope I'm having a good day.
- You make it a point to catch my eye when in a group and we've just both notice something funny.
- You seek me out.
- If I show an interest in your video games (and I don't typically play them) you realize, wow, she's trying to understand me and do something I like. You reciprocate, on purpose, by going to the bookstore with me.
- If we are dating seriously, you aren't afraid to be affectionate.

THAT'S what I meant. A little clearer, now?

And yes, you guys are so hard to read sometimes, that occasional affirmations of "I'm glad you called," or "so good to see you", or *hug* "Wow. You're great." are nice.

SimplyOtter

06-19-2008, 07:40 PM

... or like:

- your are moving from my country for good, you give me a call to let me know ... :laugh:

sorry Jane, i couldn't help it.
and where is the bitter/sarcastic smile, when you look for it?

ElstonGunn

06-19-2008, 07:50 PM

where is the bitter/sarcastic smile, when you look for it?

I don't know if we need one. That's the standard mode of communication, isn't it? :laugh:

Provoker

06-19-2008, 07:51 PM

I'm 23/male.

In terms of romance, my ideal partner is able to transcend the pettiness of folklore and excessive materialism and find aesthetic value and beauty in the complexities of things. Above all she must have a certain level of randomness which I find very stimulating. The reason is that overly sequential linear thinkers become extremely easy to read and predict and therefore - manipulate. But when there is a certain amount of randomness and uncertainty in a person's observations and insights it makes things always interesting. Even after years of knowing a person as such, they will still surprise you with unique and interesting connections. My ideal mate will have a child-like curiosity and (along with the randomness) have a capacity for freethinking. Her mind will not be encyclopedic (mine already is). She is creative, expressive, and can level me with her intuition or her eyes. She will be mathematically intelligent and good at pattern recognition as I find this very attractive. She will be polite and confident and maintain an enormous amount of pride - as I find that very attractive too. She will be loyal, somewhat verbose, and future-oriented. She will take care of herself: well-groomed, fashionable but with her own style and unique clothing combinations. She will be tactical and manuverable (I also find this really attractive). By tactical, she will have a certain genius for employing available resources to achieve an end. For example, I was studying the other day at university within the vicinity of a girl (probably Italian or Lebanese) whom I was feeling and got a vibe. She went away from her study space for a while and came back with a bag of lollypops and offered me one when I made eye-contact. Obviously, she bought more than enough and use this as a tactic to break into a conversation with me. So attractive - that's what I'm talking about by being tactical and thoughtful. She will be passionate and have certain areas of interest that will in-voke ranting and raving (but in a cute way). I want her to be expressive enough so that I don't have to probe for her feelings, she will make them known - she'll verbalize them and there will be reasons for them. Rather than "just cause". Speaking of feelings, I feel very distant from women who are feeling a certain way and when I ask "why?" they say "just cause". I don't speak "just cause". I do not understand the absurd language of "just cause". Taking this into account, my ideal women will have a certain grip over emotions. She will speak with conviction if not with the intellect than with the heart - so long as she's speaking (this excludes surface talk - incidentally, I don't consider that conversation). Overall, she will enjoy having discussions and coiling in a blanket with me like a kitten while we snuggle and watch a movie or have a fire.

Any female takers lol?

Rohsiph

06-19-2008, 09:51 PM

Curiousjane --

You're right, I misunderstood . . . but I don't think completely. Some of the examples you gave would fit in exactly with what I was thinking about with my response, falling under "affirmation," but what you're getting at seems certainly more subtle than I first thought.

I suppose I'll respond to the examples I see as somewhat problematic, noting that it's very possible I'm not paradigmatically INTJ.

- I smile. You smile back. We've just shared a Moment.
Certainly not every smile . . . you smile as we are on our way out to (insert family member/friend's name)'s funeral, trying to show me some empathy. Do I have to smile back?
- I'm not feeling well. You bring Tylenol, a box of tissues, and my favorite movie.
If I have to ask if you want any of this, does it not count? If it had to be "spontaneuos," I'd probably miss at least one of these things--then again, I'm used to having to take care of myself when I'm sick. Maybe I'd learn something like this.
- I dress up for a special evening. You notice. And say so.
Difference between subtle and obvious: I imagine I'd be happy making a simple, subtle remark, but I don't think I would go to any great lengths.
- Without prompting from me, you say, "let's go get dinner on Friday night."
Every once in a while.
- You make it a point to catch my eye when in a group and we've just both notice something funny.
I wouldn't make it a point, but I might try a subtle check. If you made an obvious effort, I'd try not to leave you hanging.

And yes, you guys are so hard to read sometimes, that occasional affirmations of "I'm glad you called," or "so good to see you", or *hug* "Wow. You're great." are nice.

The worry I had above was whether you would need a lot more than I could give. The formula above looks to me like a possible window into F-based logic . . . logic that I try to understand, but often miss.

For the person closest to me, I would make most of the efforts you note--maybe there's no problem, then? :)

the1eyedking

06-19-2008, 10:01 PM

When it comes to showing affection, I always start with "If it comes down to cannibalism, I promise to eat you last".

Is that good ?

Freak87

06-19-2008, 10:09 PM

When it comes to showing affection, I always start with "If it comes down to cannibalism, I promise to eat you last".

Is that good ?

haha thats awesome. the paradox of it is- affection is touching. the person that gets eaten first gets the most affection. leave it to an F type to think of that (:

curiousjane

06-19-2008, 10:41 PM

I think we are getting ever-so-slightly off topic here. Since my original purpose for starting this thread was not to discuss how to determine if an INTJ is interested, but for INTJs to list what attracts them to others ...

I will now start a new thread for the new topic. Be back in a few to edit this and post a link to the new one.

curiousjane added to this post, 14 minutes and 9 seconds later...

... and I'm back. Voila!

Love and Dating, Part 2: How INTJs Show Interest (To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.)

Come on, guys, give us some juicy tidbits!

Bandit

06-20-2008, 09:10 AM

I think we are getting ever-so-slightly off topic here. Since my original purpose for starting this thread was not to discuss how to determine if an INTJ is interested, but for INTJs to list what attracts them to others ...

I think you "Missed the Forest for the Trees"

The first step would be to determine if the INTJ is interested....... before ever trying to attract them..

Thus if we don't find you interesting, nothing you do will ever attract us..

curiousjane

06-20-2008, 11:18 AM

I think you "Missed the Forest for the Trees"

The first step would be to determine if the INTJ is interested....... before ever trying to attract them..

Thus if we don't find you interesting, nothing you do will ever attract us..

So, if you don't run away screaming, and actually enjoy our company, we are, by default a) interesting, b)attractive. ;)

As for the forest for the trees, erm, I'm 100% N. I miss the trees for the forest. :p

Carry on!

Minerva

06-20-2008, 12:02 PM

Bandit

06-20-2008, 12:28 PM

The language of "just cause" I believe they speak that one same continent as the language "I'm fine" and "nothing"..

Nothing drives me to insanity more than knowing a female is upset and when I ask what's wrong? the response is "nothing"... so I reply that I can see something has upset you.. the respone is "I'm fine"...

Bandit added to this post, 12 minutes and 39 seconds later...

So, if you don't run away screaming, and actually enjoy our company, we are, by default a) interesting, b)attractive. ;)

As for the forest for the trees, erm, I'm 100% N. I miss the trees for the forest. :p

Carry on!

I don't think we would run away screaming.. it is more likely that we would look at you with a curious sense of amusement and not make any further contact..

If we engage you in active conversation and you hold your ground that is a plus.. If you share a vision for the future and what might be that's another plus..

As for attractive.. for me personally looks have not always been a huge deal.. not that I would actively seek an unatractive woman, and by pure laws of nature and societal views an unatractive female may be dismissed before ever getting to know her..

But as a general rule.. I believe my personality type is prone a bit more to exploration that most.. in that it is likely that I would talk to and engage someone that is a few points down or up from me on the infamous 1-10 scale.. and if I found out that who they are intrigues me and leaves me wanting to a certain extent that I would pursue the relationship and see where it went....

ScurvyRose

06-20-2008, 12:41 PM

Female 36, sustained dating sabatical just ended
with dating a **tj

Atributes (not appearance):
spending hours talking and it feels like minutes
understand my thought patterns, and relate
debate with me, and agree to disagree
personal contact and generally makes me feel comfortable, allows me to let down my guard
team, and equall, not a toy or show pony
respects when alone time is needed, and accepts when I change my mind
it just falls into place like it was always there

I might just keep this one:curtain:

SimplyOtter

06-20-2008, 01:52 PM

Bandit

06-20-2008, 02:05 PM

You lost me.. as there was no emotion emitted in what I typed..

I was trying to make the point that when someone has hurt feelings.. Let it be known, let the source be known.. this allows us INTJ people to analyze the problem and formulate a plausable solution, or at the very least chart a course of action to remedy the problem..

When people are upset and choose not to let the cause be known.. I believe that it shuts down one of the most important aspects of the INTJ personality type and that is the need to understand and internalize things so as they can be repaired.. so we can build a better system that works.. It also tends to leave a feeling of having been shunned or invalidated..

That is all my post was intended to say...

SimplyOtter

06-20-2008, 04:32 PM

... it will sound incredible to you, but sometimes i can follow even rational emotionless discussion.... :laugh:

Anyway, thanks for explaining your thought, i could say that not all INTJs are so keen in explaining clearly what trouble them, but as CJ said this is not the right thread... the right topic is "How to Attract and Win the Heart of an INTJ - ......whose heart (maybe) wants to be won" .

Ok with you? :)

Kisai

06-20-2008, 04:47 PM

>>1) Your gender

Male (and delightfully so).

>>2) Your age (or age range, if you don't want to reveal too much)

35.

>>3) What you would find romantic, endearing, and interesting. Even if you have not yet experienced love, describe what you would consider the ideal way another person could win your heart or, at the very least, attract your attention. What would your ideal partner be/act like?<<

They are either people who set out and accomplish their goals or people who wish to assist me in accomplishing my goals, as oddly different as that wide division seems. If you want to grab my attention, just show me what you're doing in your life.

>>4) For scientific purposes, list the MBTI types to whom you find yourself attracted

I don't really use the MBTI as a guide for finding love. Love often surprises me in ts myriad shapes and forms.

Pirate1650

06-21-2008, 07:44 AM

1. Male

2. 22 times around the sun.

3. I just wrote this out in another thread in this topic so I'll just copy/paste if you don't mind

I like it when they are just a little more dangerous and outgoing than me but not too much to be actual trouble. There was a girl who came to the same handgun class I went to who had a massive scrape on her leg from a dirtbike accident, that was probably the coolest thing to me. I'm terrible at meeting new people so I could use a surrogate to do all that work for me. Oh, and it is also important to know the differance between sparring/play fighting and actually hitting, I thought it was obvious but I actually got physically hurt a few times that way.

Having about 1/2 the same interests so I can kind of mooch of the other interests so that I can learn things that I wouldn't have otherwise known. Mechanics or electronics/computers are major pluses.

Lack of ambition and substance abuse are turn-offs. I also can't stand horror movie fans. How can anyone enjoy watching human suffering? It always made me question their psychology. Shaun of the Dead, and similar zombie movies are an exception, but stuff like Saw and Chainsaw Massacre?!?!

Someone who doesn't get offended and can either return wit or offer her own deep perspective, mind expanding conversations/arguments are amazing.

I hate calling just to say "hello". I always felt it was pretty pointless and then I end up talking about things that I would have saved for the next meeting, then next time we meet I have nothing to say.

I also don't mind blowing a few bucks on something sweet every now and then but constantly wasting money on things that are never used is very annoying, then complaining when I say anything about how money should be spent efficiently is also annoying.

If it isn't obvious from the dirtbike riding, gun wielding ninja, mechanic, programmer image I must have built so far I'm not big into make-up either. Open shoes and long pants are also questionable, I really don't like the high-heels and jeans clash (who started that?). There is also this theory that seems to be holding up, the pointer the shoe, the more expensive the date (rounded shoes FTW :cheesy: ). Worrying about the rain curling her hair is also annoying, running around in the rain is fun, it is not like I'd all of a sudden not like them if their hair started to curl. Doesn't mean dress like a bum though, a little class and cuteness is very much appreciated.

lastly... she should like to snog. :lips: ;D

4. I prefer to only know my MBTI, making assumptions or having expectations ahead of time could "corrupt the experiment", I know, I know, it itsn't terribly romantic to call it an "experiment".