INTJs and Criticism

[Tarrick]

Well, in juxtaposition to the topic of compliments, how do you take to criticism?

For myself, when I was younger I was somewhat sensitive to it, though it depended on the subject matter. I managed to train myself to accept it and apply the changes, but sometimes it doesn't work that way.

So, am I the only one?

[Jezebel]

I'd love to say that I always take criticism well and use it productively. It's not always the case, but I don't think I'm oversensitive. At work, I'm used to it and it doesn't bother me.

It really depends on what's being criticized and how I already feel about it. I take it better when I already know there are problems with something and made myself receptive to it. If I disagree with the criticism I may become defensive. Funny thing is sometimes I'll argue with someone about something they suggest and still end up taking their advice after I've had more time to think it over.

[Opti]

I don't really listen to criticism or as they call it in my place of work 'Feedback'. I hear it at the time but don't take it onboard and forget about it 10 mins down the line. I'm not sure why I react to it that way, I think it sometimes depends on who the critic is, but in the effort to develop myself I am going to have to start listening to & analysing my feedback.

[Selly]

Sometimes I take criticism personally, and I used to a lot when I was little, but now it just sort of rolls off most of the time. I think I'm developing a bad habit of dismissing other people's criticism if I honestly can't see where they're coming from. I try to give it a fair chance, and think about both sides of the issue, but I can't always see the validity of their opinion and then promptly dismiss it.

[Evalis]

Interesting enough, I value and encourage critism of myself. Indeed I criticize myself all the time. The only circumstance in which I do not care to recieve critism is when it is regarding my work ethic - which I consider impeccable. Everything else is fair game - but then, I also like to argue, so make sure you have your facts straight before saying anything if you don't want to get caught up in it!

[Tarrick]

Interesting enough, I value and encourage critism of myself. Indeed I criticize myself all the time. The only circumstance in which I do not care to recieve critism is when it is regarding my work ethic - which I consider impeccable. Everything else is fair game - but then, I also like to argue, so make sure you have your facts straight before saying anything if you don't want to get caught up in it!

I criticize myself all the time too. But it's very odd for me to receive criticism when I don't perceive me needed it for a particular incident (like me being yelled for something that I was never told). I sometimes catch myself ignoring it because I don't believe that they are in a position to criticize me for that when they don't know what they're talking about.

I'm also sometimes weired out when I'm criticizing myself for something and I get complimented for that same thing. Anyone else ever have that happen?

[Apococlock]

Mmm, fun topic.

Back in the day I took criticism rather poorly, or in other words like most other people I made excuses to try to cover myself. This isn't so much the case anymore now that I actually encourage criticism rather than run from it.

Criticism is a great thing, it allows us to see issues with ourselves that we may not have known about. It's a kind of, "Hey look, you can improve upon this!"

Why not take that and use it?

Sometime it's hard to take something that I don't want to admit, which is difficult for anyone I'm sure.

[Guido]

I used to take it badly as a kid I think. I'm not bad with it now, but it still kind of bothers me. With the amount of personal criticism I apply, having someone else say 'you did this wrong' is more likely to result in me explaining to them how I actually thought it through. I'll accept the criticism if I actually missed something, for sure. But for someone to tell me 'you did this wrong' when I actually thought through their criticism, will annoy me. I see that more as them stating 'I don't believe your thinking structure is working properly' aka 'you're a retard.'

This is usually alleviated with the simple fact that if they can't see I didn't think it through, then they're the retard. I generally find most people's criticism to be void of thought, so I tend to be pretty apathetic when someone is criticizing for the sake of criticizing. This can tend to have them wondering why I didn’t worship their generous gem of feedback they so graciously offered. I work with some dumb coworkers... what can I say.

On the contrary, if someone I intellectually respect criticizes me I will genuinely and thoroughly think through what they had to say.

[Rei]

Let's just say I try very hard to sound/act like it didn't just completely shoot down my pride *:D

I don't mind criticism. * It hurts my pride, but I think it's definately necessary. *It'd worse if I didn't know what my faults were and continued to be an dolt. *INTJ's are self critical anyway, I say it helps when you get criticism from others, you improve faster (effeciency *::)).

It does get frustrating though, how sometimes I take it too much to heart (because I am self critical), and I start to think about these criticisms actively at random times of day/month/year.

[The Rose]

... I think I'm developing a bad habit of dismissing other people's criticism if I honestly can't see where they're coming from. I try to give it a fair chance, and think about both sides of the issue, but I can't always see the validity of their opinion and then promptly dismiss it.From what I have read, this sounds like a typical INTJ response.
INTJs go through a lot of trouble to arrive at their conclusions and they will not be easily swayed from what they believe to be a correct course of action.

[The Rose]

Well, in juxtaposition to the topic of compliments, how do you take to criticism?

For myself, when I was younger I was somewhat sensitive to it, though it depended on the subject matter. I managed to train myself to accept it and apply the changes, but sometimes it doesn't work that way.

So, am I the only one?I was rejected a lot as a child, so any kind of criticism felt like rejection
and I would retreat from people who criticized me - because it hurt too deeply.
It has taken a long time to learn that criticism is not rejection.
Only in the last couple of years have I learned that I am entitled to an opinion
and that just because someone shouts me down, it doesn't mean I'm wrong.

[Firelie]

I tend to take criticism, and then replay all of the things I did wrong in my head for the next few hours (maybe even the rest of the day) trying to decide how to never make the mistake again.

[Guido]

That's true for me only if I realize it's a mistake. If not, I'll usually promptly dismiss it at the time, but if there was anything to the criticism, I'll often replay it in my head for a long time until I sorted it out. It has happened on occasion (VERY rarely ;)) that I realized I can actually use criticism that I had quickly dismissed.

[Tarrick]

Let's just say I try very hard to sound/act like it didn't just completely shoot down my pride :D



Pride is always injured here, I think. But I never really notice unless I really screwed up. If was simply wrong then I don't care, probably because of my absolute need to be correct. It's not that I try and force the situation to be so that my opinion is right, quite the opposite. I refuse to hold a opinion that I even suspect may be wrong unless I've throughly investigated it. Being correct should matter more then right.

[Guido]

Being correct should matter more then right.

Couldn't have worded it better.

[Lufus]

I love criticism, but for some reason people are often reluctant to give it to me, like they think they'll hurt my feelings or something. Today I asked a girl I know fairly well if she thought I was arrogant; she wouldn't give me a straight-forward answer, kinda pissed me off. Got off topic for a second, I want people to tell me I'm wrong, so long as they don't mind me arguing with their criticism. If they have a sound base to the criticism, I would love to hear it and apply it to myself.

[Guido]

That's the good kind, and it's always welcome. I usually don't get that either. The kind of criticism I often get (at work for example) is someone criticizing me for the sake of criticizing me. By using the logic "there's always room for improvement" they can tell me that I'm not doing as good of job as I could; criticizing for the sake of criticizing. If they had anything tangible other than a catch phrase, maybe I'd listen to them. But to give me a 3/4 for work ethic at some kind of performance review without having *anything* negative to say about how I work other than something based on that catch phrase is annoying, especially since I often find myself twice as productive as some of my coworkers. And there's no way those coworkers get 1.5/4 :/

I have no idea why people have such a hard time with this. I'm either doing a perfect job in their eyes, or there's something I'm doing wrong or something I could be doing better.

[Rei]

Let's just say I try very hard to sound/act like it didn't just completely shoot down my pride *:D



Pride is always injured here, I think. But I never really notice unless I really screwed up. If was simply wrong then I don't care, probably because of my absolute need to be correct. It's not that I try and force the situation to be so that my opinion is right, quite the opposite. I refuse to hold a opinion that I even suspect may be wrong unless I've throughly investigated it. Being correct should matter more then right.

For some reason I completely forgot that I'd posted here.

But anyway, good point. I dislike being wrong, so whenever someone proposes that I'm mistaken... and I agree with them, I scramble to find out how the heck that happened (WTH?! I'M WRONG?!)

For me, any mistake is a screw up, is a screw up, is a screw up... It doesn't matter how big a screw up it is, I still feel it stabbing my pride.

[wolf]

For me, any mistake is a screw up, is a screw up, is a screw up... It doesn't matter how big a screw up it is, I still feel it stabbing my pride.
Do you like knowing, or is it better to be blissfully unaware?

More importantly: Am I on your bad list for correcting you?

[bikerscars]

it depends from whom the criticism is coming...

is it someone i respect; is it accurate

[Mark]

I take critisism pretty well. I often times take it even better if it is offered constructivly and is given alongside some suggestions.

something that we pretty funny though, was last night my wife and I were talking about INTJ sarcasm, and she said, "INTJ sarcasm is not just legendary, it's infamous"

I took that with a proud smile :-D

[rwyatt365]

I like the concept of criticism, but I hate being criticized (if that makes any sense). Whenever someone starts with, "you haven't done this, you need to do that", I start feeling offended and become defensive. Most times that happens before I recognize what is occurring and by then it's too late. In my mind criticism starts sounding like "I'm right and you're wrong", then the shields go up and nothing else gets in.

I guess living life as an outsider has made me very conscious and protective of my "uniqueness". Inside of me I feel that if people would stop trying to change me, and recognize my value they would understand that making me "different" would be to all of our detriment. Criticism is just a subtle way of saying, "You're not the way you are supposed to be, so change".

[Zard Lucifer]

I used to. But now it depends on the person, if it comes fomr someone I respect I try to see what might be wrong or what might be right regarding the comment and try to improve on things. If its from the general public, I basically disregard it. If its from my rival or someone who dislikes me, I take their opinions and try to analyze which were said out of envy, praise and jealousy, and then I work on those.

I do all this while trying to keep to my principles and philosophies.

[hopscotch]

If there is some basis for the criticism (i.e. the person can show or tell me exactly what I did wrong and why) I can accept it and incorporate it into my life. If the person is just making up problems to pass the time or deflect criticism from him/herself, I get annoyed and ignore them.

I tend to take criticism better when it comes from someone I regard as competent and efficient, and when they offer advice on how to make changes.

[v1cious]

i encourage criticism from people that i respect (usually *NT*, or someone close to me), or if it is constructive and not there to attempt to belittle me (and it's usually not hard to tell when this is so).

[logan235711]

I don't really think about criticism any differently than anything else. Someone says something and I listen or such. *shrugs*

[blackout]

New here and a textbook INTJ. I only take criticism well if it comes from someone I respect. As a true INTJ rank and status have nothing to do with gaining my respect. I respect people that show intelligence, mental strength, and competence. I accept and welcome criticism from these tpyes of people. Criticism from anyone I dont consider worthy of criticising me makes me very grumpy.

=:^)

[enWTFp]

I'm influenced by the way criticism is presented. I can get easily offended if I decide that the person doesn't respect my overall abilities as much as I deserve. Sometimes I get *very* sarcastic in return, which in general I don't consider a good thing. I find arrogance in most cases redundant in communication, but I also might use it to defense from it. However, it's still a weakness, and when I'm in full control of the situation I manage to avoid it.

The thing I hate the most is somebody "advising" me how to improve, when it's clear he didn't get my idea at all, and won't even be able to listen to it, because of prejudice. Then I seriously go mad.

Oops, I'm ENFP, not INTJ, but I hope the topic is not closed for aliens.

[punkyplatypus]

I like to take criticisms as suggestions rather than insults, even if they were meant to be insulting. Most of the time I can convince myself that suggestions is all they are and I continue to work to improve myself. However, when stress has me mentally or emotionally distraught, I tend to be insulted and I either become irate with my critic or I feel depressed and become self loathing.

[Tigress]

I tend to take criticism, and then replay all of the things I did wrong in my head for the next few hours (maybe even the rest of the day) trying to decide how to never make the mistake again.
ditto
that is IF I agree with the criticism.
I may take a while to ponder that too.

[Jenny Penny]

it depends from whom the criticism is coming...

is it someone i respect; is it accurate

I agree with this statement. I get extremely irritated when the person being critical is not in the best position to do so. It also depends how the person broaches the topic... I always try to criticize others by starting out with: "That's a good point [idea, approach, etc.] but have you thought about this?" When people approach it that way, I will listen with an open mind.

[Truth]

Critism is o.k. with me as well as long as the person is competant and inteeligent. Otherwise I ignore them. I may say o.k. but i'm thinking....moron.

However, constructive critism when it comes from a valuable source, is most welcomed

[zibber]

Most criticism I seem to get is easily disregarded, as it refers to conventions. Actual criticism I appreciate and can deal with, but the process is hampered if the criticism is too cynical/insulting. I'll learn from it as the valid part sinks in later on, but will initially be reluctant to consider it.

[Chucklebug]

I just quit my job last week because of false criticism. There is nothing worse than being constantly hounded about petty things that you did not do! My fellow work'mates' were clever though and carefully twisted in a few half truths of mistakes that I did do when I first started the job about 9 months ago. I'm not sensitive to criticism if I know it is fair and just - even if it is petty. If anyone had cared to ask about how I thought I could improve, my answer would have been: Learn how not to be bored and how to stop my mind wandering constantly. Yes it was one of the most boring jobs in the world - Dental Assisting. Ugh, dealing with moody dentists all day... The best part of the job was reorganising the messy surgery - but it was downhill from there. I don't know what I was thinking getting into the Dental Industry (I wanted to be a Dental Hygienist). But now I think I will go to Uni next year and do Environmental Science or maybe Nutrition. Learning that I was an INTJ has really helped me come to a better understanding of what I always wanted out of life, it helped me put unidentified feelings into words that actually made sense :) I was lucky to have just read Keirsey's Please Understand Me II just before it all happened so I could deal with the situation with a lot more insight than I ever before would've. The two catty women were your typical Guardian ESTJ and ISTJ. I was never allowed to voice an opinion or question their faulty reasoning - it was their way or the highway - and thankfully I was wise enough to choose the highway!

[oldness]

As far as I'm concerned, criticism is always welcome as long as it comes from an authoritative source. I never turn down the opportunity for self discovery/improvement.

Criticism from a non-authoritative source, on the other hand, is to be acknowledged and promptly forgotten.

[Zeal]

Depends who it's from and if it's constructive or if it's just someone trying to get a cheap shot at me.

[127001]

I take it well if I feel it is warranted, but I get tired of hearing nothing but criticism rather quickly. Particularly because most of the people that like to criticize are hardly a shining example of perfection themselves.

[bricklayer]

I like criticism. I'm more likely to believe you're being honest with me if you provide me with some. More importantly though it allows me to grow and become better at whatever it is.

[cweed]

In my early days I was pretty sensitive to criticism and quick to anger since I believe I'm my own worst critic. It's been my experience that very few people "care" enough to actually offer up true constructive criticism, their own agenda is what matters, particulary at work.

[vaguely dissatisfied]

I don't take criticism well at all. I really can't stand it. Interestingly, I am very critical of myself and others.

[ScurvyRose]

For myself, the perceived intent in the criticism that I receive will affect the merit I give the quality of the comments. If the person is saying it out of hurt or anger, I will not listen. If it is out of their misunderstanding, or the intention of helping, I will sit and discuss specific aspects and work out possible alternative scenarios.

Also the respect level I have for the person comes into play.

[PreyingMantis]

I am similar to the previous poster. Also, if someone says it respectfully and somewhere where noone else can hear it, it will be received much better. However, sometimes people criticize when you have already or will figure out the problem yourself and that really pisses me off - why should i put up with their input if i can figure it out myself? Also, i can't stand it when catty women or conformist people criticize me personally because i don't put on the same false act as they do, kow tow to the same false authorities, or bend over backwards to obey all the (FEMALE) social rules like they are unwise enough to do. They can mob me to HELL and back ... i will NEVER give in to blindness to rationality and justice and to conformity.

[Reganon]

As perfect as I am at everything, (Except dancing. I can't dance for $#@!) I like to improve. So I don't take criticism too badly if I agree with it. But if I don't, it makes me angry.

[Monte314]

I generally don't take criticism too well. I've gotten a little better as I've gotten older, but I've still got a long way to go.

[Dave C C]

I readily accept suggestions, criticism garners a very negative response from me.

[Airius]

You know what they say about INTJs and striving for maximum efficiency? It's a bit of a curse for me.

I soak up advice like a spunge, usually if I ask or if I'm new to something. And by all means, I don't mind asking. Criticism is fine with me as long as it's constructive and it's something that I can work with; complaints fall on def ears. At worst, I can take it personally.
Additionally, it also depends on who it's coming from and if that person has more experience and/or quality with what it is.

[Shakyamuni]

It depends on how its presented. If presented in a constructive manner I'm usually willing to listen to what it is the other person has to say regardless of their qualifications. However, if its criticism for the sake of criticism or if the person's tone is not right then I get offended.

Its all about the delivery for me.

[meidepractical]

I find fun in criticism because in receiving criticism it forces my mind to brainstorm in seconds a bunch of ways I can either fix what they just criticized, or come up with an awesome rebuttle and crush their argument before the next set of words come out their mouth.

[Stargazer]

I have to admit that I usually get a little hurt when critisicm is presented to me--especially when it comes from somone I respect. After a couple of hours of feeling embarrased that I failed in some way, I begin to reason through the critisizer's assertions and alter my actions/approach if I see validity in their argument.

If the critisicm comes from someone I do not respect or who's logic is immediately dismissable, then I usually get irritated and begin to find fault with their performance, ideas, and reasoning (which is something I don't think I make any conscious effort to do, it just happens) and quickly dismiss the person as having no value to me, the group, organization, whatever.

I am definitely my own worst critic. I am highly critical of myself to the point of fault. This may be why I do not usually receive too much valid critisicm, as I have already found fault with myself and taken aim to correct it.

[totallyconfused]

WOW!! What a relevant topic... Hubby and I had a massive arguement last night, and he could not understand why I would not back down. Basically:
I made a comment under my breathe, the topic got pursued, and he launched (in opinion) an attack on me. I wanted to focus on the issue that made me make the initial comment. As some who is hyper sensitive to criticism... for that perceived attack was I shut down the convo.

I have always been a hyper sensitive person with a desperate fear of rejection. He hates that I am very,'right this issue has to be resolved before anything else can be discussed'- his attitude is look globally. I am of course happy to look at a 'bigger picture' but not when I feel my point of view is not being considered.
ScurvyRose For myself, the perceived intent in the criticism that I receive will affect the merit I give the quality of the comments. If the person is saying it out of hurt or anger, I will not listen.

And I felt he was.. to deflect from my point.

If it is out of their misunderstanding, or the intention of helping, I will sit and discuss specific aspects and work out possible alternative scenarios.

That is based on the above quote.

And this is absolutely the truth:
Tigress Quote:
Originally Posted by Firelie
I tend to take criticism, and then replay all of the things I did wrong in my head for the next few hours (maybe even the rest of the day) trying to decide how to never make the mistake again.

ditto
that is IF I agree with the criticism.
I may take a while to ponder that too.

I can drive myself around the bend replaying my mistakes in my head.


if it is constructive and not there to attempt to belittle me

I am much better at accepting constructive criticism than I was in younger years ('LOOK eye-gore, she can LEARN!') but if I feel it is an attempt to belittle me, attack me, cause harm and/or make me feel insecure, forget it, I switch off. I have worked too hard in life and on myself and my own security/self worth to allow anyone drag me down again.

And to refer to a few other threads....
*no I don't have to have the last word..so there!
*My experience of INTJ is that they feel very intensely, indeed my experience is very very feeling and sensitive people who care alot and either are not comfortable in expressing it in a public way (shh when I am in london and see beggars- particularly those with children- internally I turn into a sobbing wreck- but don't blow my cover) or afraid of the intensity of their emotions to cause them rejection. (which is probably the same thing)
TC

[Thrifty]

*My experience of INTJ is that they feel very intensely, indeed my experience is very very feeling and sensitive people who care alot and either are not comfortable in expressing it in a public way (shh when I am in london and see beggars- particularly those with children- internally I turn into a sobbing wreck- but don't blow my cover) or afraid of the intensity of their emotions to cause them rejection. (which is probably the same thing)
TC

Shhh. :x


I don't accept criticism too well, I'm prone to overreact. However, I have a friend who is IsTx (he's high on T department) and I seem to accept any kind of suggestion from him on the spot, because I value him an he has proved to me his sound judgment. Any time I need some advice I turn to him, and he does the same with me. We have some sort of symbiosis going on.

[ssrprotege]

I have hard time accepting criticism. As I briefly mentioned in the thread about my problematic stubbornness, my first gut reaction to criticism is to dismiss them. Ironically, if someone tries to provide criticism on my weaknesses that I already well know, I overreact. I will say I don't take criticisms well, and unfortunately I am dismissive of them too quickly. I am fighting an uphill battle against my habit.

[Stormy]

If I am criticized, I will take into account that person's thoughts, but if it is something that I feel is correct in my view, I will quickly dismiss it. I'm not sensitive to criticism since I don't care much what other people think unless they have a strong basis to back it up, or if it’s something that I can genuinely improve upon.

[Canegrande]

I generally welcome criticism if only for the chance to work out any flaws in my designs. I do recognise, however, that there is criticism and there is bullshit; the former flows from a calm and orderly mind while the latter generally flows from an asshole.

[Firebrand9]

Well, in juxtaposition to the topic of compliments, how do you take to criticism?

So, am I the only one?

Depends on the credibility and reasonable intelligent objectiveness of the criticizer. I'm a "take me or leave me" sort of guy. A problem on someone else's part does not constitute a problem on my part.

[intellael]

Whether I like it or not is irrelevant. It is necessary to improve. I am self-critical so when I was younger I did not respect the analysis as much as I do now. One has to be able to extrapolate the truth from the critique and trash the personal attack that may be attached to it. Always consider the source.

[Amaterasu]

I'm in an institution where criticism is par of the course. I'm on a drama course.

Unfortunately that has led to be what I believe to be an attack on my INTJ-ness (this event happened long before I did the test, but now it makes sense). The two female tutors on the course took it upon themselves to rip apart my personality, and not take into consideration the good work I have done. Their criticism conformed to peoples' 'bad' perceptions of INTJs, thinking about it now, and I realised although they've 'known' me for two years, all they've been discussing is their first impression of me! One of them criticised my sense of humour (which was called 'undermining the director's process') for about 20 mins; adding that if some of what I said came from 'the class clown' it would be OK (????!!!!). Also was said that I'm a 'strong presence' in the rehearsal room and should be leading the group not hiding at the back (I'm an INTROVERT!). Finally she said I need to have some responsibility whatever the fuck that's supposed to mean...

The other one said I came across as arrogant and I need to 'watch my manner': an outside teacher came in to cast EXTRAS for a film. I didn't get it (I'm 'too dark' to play an English person in the background... could've told me when I walked in, not 6 hours after sitting through your theatrical annecdotes). Anyway, he rather patronisingly bought me a pint in the pub after and asked me if I was'alright'. He meant well, I guess, so I emailed him later saying thanks for the drink but it wasn't a big deal as I've done film work for my cousin's company. This was REPORTED BACK TO MY TUTOR as being a MASSIVE 'brush off', and that he was 'upset'. God knows what I was supposed to do, say 'thank you so much for your underappreciated genius, but having lost out on the job I'm going to go home and stick my head in the oven'?!!! She finished up with saying I need to ask for help more often (even if the director has no notes for you, i.e. a good thing) and that I was 'too professional'. Far from it, if I explain why I've done something a teacher doesn't like when I'm acting it's because I'm problem-solving, not because I don't respect them.

After this I started having a major identity crisis - if I am to work in this business, am I going to have to completely change my personality? I went to the rest of the (male) tutors to see if my supposed attitude problem was indeed, a problem. They all said they love me for my honesty and strength, and had no beef with me. One of them succinctly added "there are members of staff I know I can never say 'fuck off' to". It was all about not being too trusting too soon with people. Another said my new classmates would love me on the course in Italy that I was about to embark on (I posted about it in the 'disconnection with the world' thread), because they love strength and generousity.... which is what happened.

To sum up, on the one hand I felt ' I don't give a fuck, I'm a much harsher critic on myself than you will ever be' and on the other - it hurt. I guess certain (read: authoritarian, insecure, judgemental) women don't like to see a young, strong, intelligent and worst of all, confident woman. I mean one of them's a self-proclaimed lesbian feminist ffs! Where's the sisterhood now?

Apologies for rant, but this topic has really struck a chord - I'm so glad that with the MBTI I know where I'm coming from. It's helped a lot.

[True Rune]

Not especially well, but if I get mad you know I take it seriously. (Well, not get MAD, I don't get mad too often.)

[radames]

Of course trying to perform for others when younger brought me to feel the pain of a critical lashing tongue of someone who loved to intrude into someone else's business without being asked their opinion or advice (another presumption of power alluding to a "weaker" party needing the help of a "stronger" one).

At this point in life I put much more time into researching various things on my own as it is normal function of my mind. Therefore, I don't need the advice or opinion of yet another person when I have spent hours researching various subjects written by various people. So, I typically ignore opinions of others unless I want to debate (pointless, in my opinion). There is a lot to know out there.

[Nomder]

I didn't take criticism so well when I was younger, but have since learned the value of the perspective of others. I even encourage others to criticize me in my eternal effort to improve. I also love to criticize other but rarely due in a vain effort to make myself more friendly and perceptibly normal.

[Sinequanon]

4 years ago, during a car ride, both of my INTP best friends told me I was typically being pig-headed/an asshole in the way I asserted my opinions during topics and discussions.* I honestly took it VERY hard at the time, since they knew me about as well as anyone, and their honest reaction to me really cut me deep.

I thought about it, a lot, internalized it, sat on a couple of things I wanted to say where I knew I would be arguing just to argue and found that we all got along a bit better. I think about a year after that happened, we were in a similar situation (in the car, etc) and I recalled the conversation and asked if they thought I was doing any better with not being so assertive or bullish. They remarked that now they they thought about it, I had gotten better.

So, long story short, I have learned to sort of take criticisms that people who know me well give me. I figure that as well as I want to come across (my biggest worry is being misunderstood, really), sometimes I will have a different effect on people than I intend. So, I'm trying to listen more. Although I still think all of those crappy jerks and losers who don't know me well have no idea what they're talking about. I am a wonderful snowflake, damn it. :)


(* Now I only do this online. ;))

[dogwoodlover]

Well, in juxtaposition to the topic of compliments, how do you take to criticism?

For myself, when I was younger I was somewhat sensitive to it, though it depended on the subject matter. I managed to train myself to accept it and apply the changes, but sometimes it doesn't work that way.

So, am I the only one?

For a very long time I was pretty sensitive to criticism. Probably had something to do with an ESTJ mother--I grew up hearing "what I'm doing wrong." Its worth mentioning though that, naturally, much of what my mother had to say was "criticism for criticism's sake"; she would just unleash it whenever she'd get angry at me.

Anyway, I'm much better about taking criticism these days. I rarely get offended by criticism unless if it is done with the intent of belittlement or serious insult.

I like the concept of criticism, but I hate being criticized (if that makes any sense). Whenever someone starts with, "you haven't done this, you need to do that", I start feeling offended and become defensive. Most times that happens before I recognize what is occurring and by then it's too late. In my mind criticism starts sounding like "I'm right and you're wrong", then the shields go up and nothing else gets in.

I guess living life as an outsider has made me very conscious and protective of my "uniqueness". Inside of me I feel that if people would stop trying to change me, and recognize my value they would understand that making me "different" would be to all of our detriment. Criticism is just a subtle way of saying, "You're not the way you are supposed to be, so change".

Makes sense. I understand this.