PDA

View Full Version : Are you too uptight and cannot have fun?


smashy
07-31-2010, 04:25 PM
Do you feel that you're too serious, uptight and self aware and you cannot really have fun? I feel that and sometimes I just wish I would be less like that, let my hair down and just have fun like going to a party and go wild. Most of the time I feel too self aware to have fun. Is like it's normal for everyone but I don't because it would just look ridiculous to act wild or whatever.

Ilara
07-31-2010, 04:34 PM
I have lots of fun.
.
.
.
In unconventional ways.

I've never been a "have fun like going to a party and go wild" kind of person. But as far as I'm concerned, there's nothing wrong with that. I enjoy many things and don't think of myself as uptight because I prefer not to do X that lots of others appear to enjoy.

Knowing one's own preferences is the first step toward satisfying them (and thereby enjoying oneself and having fun XD).

repartee
07-31-2010, 04:41 PM
Try and imagine yourself on your 80th birthday, you remember that time you think you made a fool of yourself. Did it matter? Did it effect your life? Did anyone actually care what you did 15 minutes after you did it? Do you think anyone will care after your dead?

You should do anything and everything that you enjoy because at the end of the day it won't really matter, the only thing that matters is that you enjoyed your life.

GouldFan
07-31-2010, 05:10 PM
I have plenty of fun, but not like how others do it. I have been called uptight for not blending in, but I don't see any use in drinking, dancing, smoking, and dating.

Booko
07-31-2010, 05:41 PM
Do you feel that you're too serious, uptight and self aware and you cannot really have fun? I feel that and sometimes I just wish I would be less like that, let my hair down and just have fun like going to a party and go wild. Most of the time I feel too self aware to have fun. Is like it's normal for everyone but I don't because it would just look ridiculous to act wild or whatever.

Yes, my ESTJ mother tried to instill this in me.

It didn't work.

At the most I simply remained quiet until I left home. Then I had some great roommates and got over whatever shreds of being "too serious" I had left.

I never tried to instill it in either of my INTJ kids. Our daughter is unrestrained as the wind and has a great time.

Were either or both of your parents Traditionalists in the same vein my mom is?

undertow
07-31-2010, 05:43 PM
Try and imagine yourself on your 80th birthday, you remember that time you think you made a fool of yourself. Did it matter? Did it effect your life? Did anyone actually care what you did 15 minutes after you did it? Do you think anyone will care after your dead?

You should do anything and everything that you enjoy because at the end of the day it won't really matter, the only thing that matters is that you enjoyed your life.

I must say. I really like dancing goofy and making a fool of myself. But I don't enjoy bouncing up and down to a catchy song, I don't enjoy being on the dance floor jumping. I can't do it, I don't know how to do most of the things that describes a 'party', I can't do it. I don't want to. Bring me the microphone and an ugly pair of glasses and I'll entertain the hell out of people. What I can do, is put on a funny costume and act crazy and goofy, that I can do. But the other stuff, no.

I can act, I think it's funny. But 'me', I don't do that stuff. Perhaps my entertaining-mode is there to coop with my shyness.

Booko
07-31-2010, 06:02 PM
But I don't enjoy bouncing up and down to a catchy song, I don't enjoy being on the dance floor jumping. I can't do it, I don't know how to do.

Well, me either, but then disco was big then so who cared? (Disco SUCKS) I never went on to learn anything later except Mosh 101, which requires energy but no dancing skills.

Most of the things that describes a 'party', I can't do it. I don't want to.

Well, I wouldn't either if it's a stereotypical excuse for a party. I don't see the fascination in getting blotto standing around looking stupid unable to hear anything anyone says because the music is just that loud. Not that I mind loud music at all, but that's a "concert" not a "social event." (Or it might be my kids practicing.) If you're blotto to boot it seems more like an anti-experience, frankly.

Bring me the microphone and an ugly pair of glasses and I'll entertain the hell out of people. What I can do, is put on a funny costume and act crazy and goofy, that I can do. But the other stuff, no.

Hm, you might like the sorts of parties I go to then.

If you're in ATL on December 21st, 2012 consider yourself invited to my End of the World Party. Costumes are not optional. :laugh: The food will be epic. There will be a variety of games for those interested and other than that pretty much anything could break out. It usually does. Random karaoke. Comic routines. Wii bowling. An archery contest broke out once. That kinda freaked my neighbor until I explained the safety precautions. If someone wants something a little quieter, the garden out front is designed just for that.

Or if you don't want to wait that long, my daughter is planning a Steampunk Tea Party later this year. This time I insist she do more of the sewing. She's the theatre student and needs the practice costuming.

And then there's my favorite holiday...Halloween. We can always use some help for the Haunted Yard and then the party really starts up after. (I'm going to miss it when our son graduates from college and probably moves to Japan. His roommates are a hoot.)

smashy
07-31-2010, 06:17 PM
Yes, my ESTJ mother tried to instill this in me.

It didn't work.

At the most I simply remained quiet until I left home. Then I had some great roommates and got over whatever shreds of being "too serious" I had left.

I never tried to instill it in either of my INTJ kids. Our daughter is unrestrained as the wind and has a great time.

Were either or both of your parents Traditionalists in the same vein my mom is?

Not traditionalists but boring people. I don't know if it has to do with my parents, but I just find that doing silly stuff is plain ridiculous and doesn't show you as an intelligent person. But on the other hand is draining to always be self aware and controlled. I'm beginning to not give a damn.

undertow
07-31-2010, 06:17 PM
If you're in ATL on December 21st, 2012 consider yourself invited to my End of the World Party. Costumes are not optional. :laugh: The food will be epic. There will be a variety of games for those interested and other than that pretty much anything could break out. It usually does. Random karaoke. Comic routines. Wii bowling. An archery contest broke out once. That kinda freaked my neighbor until I explained the safety precautions. If someone wants something a little quieter, the garden out front is designed just for that.

Or if you don't want to wait that long, my daughter is planning a Steampunk Tea Party later this year. This time I insist she do more of the sewing. She's the theatre student and needs the practice costuming.

And then there's my favorite holiday...Halloween. We can always use some help for the Haunted Yard and then the party really starts up after. (I'm going to miss it when our son graduates from college and probably moves to Japan. His roommates are a hoot.)

Holy moly! I don't want to miss an End of the World Party! Unfortunately, I'm afraid I live in Sweden and it would be quite a distance to hitchhike. But if I'm in the US for some reason, I'll come, count on it! If so, you may want to hook me up with your daughter aswell. Or no you won't, you know all about me, I'm you. Damn personality forum!

skn
07-31-2010, 06:38 PM
I guess I'm in the "uptight" category since I've never been and never desired to go to a party. In fact what is even fun with hanging around that many people? So in the sense that partying = fun, then no I'm not able to have fun.

JulietCapulet
07-31-2010, 07:23 PM
As an ENFP sometimes I think I can get to the point where I'm almost having too much fun. But it can happen to me that I am too uptight too sometimes.

Geminii
07-31-2010, 07:56 PM
I suppose I could be perceived that way. Most of the times I'm having fun, it's not in group activities (there are rare exceptions, though).

I did go out to a couple of nightclubs once a few years back, just to see if I'd been missing anything, but there just wasn't any kind of appeal or attraction. Likewise bars, even if they're work invites or venues for planned social events. They're just vaguely irritating, if anything. Part of it might be the noise level - I like to be able to hear when the person next to me is talking.

Jackie
08-01-2010, 01:02 AM
Dang, please excuse my cynical mood tonight.

Is this thread for real? What was the point of this? To get into some love fest about how we are all too uptight to have fun and where so INTJish? Everyone has fun. Thinking "wild and party" is this only way to have fun is ridiculous. Everyone has fun at some point in their life. I'm on this forum, its fun. Someone's getting drunk at a party, its fun. How are we wasting our time believing that there is a universal definition of fun.

This is fun.

TwilightX
08-01-2010, 01:52 AM
Dang, please excuse my cynical mood tonight.

Is this thread for real? What was the point of this? To get into some love fest about how we are all too uptight to have fun and where so INTJish? Everyone has fun. Thinking "wild and party" is this only way to have fun is ridiculous. Everyone has fun at some point in their life. I'm on this forum, its fun. Someone's getting drunk at a party, its fun. How are we wasting our time believing that there is a universal definition of fun.

This is fun.

Lol. Cynical mood excused. I agree; I'm uptight, and don't have fun in the way a lot of people have fun, but I still have a blast doing lots of things. Everyone can have fun. I hate parties and bars and clubs, but I have fun nonetheless.

Blse
08-01-2010, 02:06 AM
I can see why some people might think I'm uptight: dislike parties, sports, drinking, etc... but I don't consider any of those things fun; thus, I don't participate in them.

Corleone
08-01-2010, 02:16 AM
I'm a definite introvert, but I like parties! I enjoy plenty of the typical I stuff like alone-time as well.

smashy
08-01-2010, 03:49 AM
Dang, please excuse my cynical mood tonight.

Is this thread for real? What was the point of this? To get into some love fest about how we are all too uptight to have fun and where so INTJish? Everyone has fun. Thinking "wild and party" is this only way to have fun is ridiculous. Everyone has fun at some point in their life. I'm on this forum, its fun. Someone's getting drunk at a party, its fun. How are we wasting our time believing that there is a universal definition of fun.

This is fun.

On my OP, I wrote: "...sometimes I just wish I would be less like that, let my hair down and just have fun like going to a party and go wild."

The party was just an example "like going to a party", not the world definition of fun neither I mean that having fun has to mean a party. I used that example because is a good one, but there are at least for me lots of other situations where people have fun and I cannot let me hair down. Another example: watching a game in a stadium. Some people sing, scream, get up, dance, etc. I just find all this too ridiculous for me to do and I just want to sit down and watch the game commenting it with a friend sitting next to me but no need to look like a screaming monkey. But sometimes I wonder if they're having a lot more fun than I am.

pocohauntus
08-01-2010, 04:09 AM
Do you feel that you're too serious, uptight and self aware and you cannot really have fun? I feel that and sometimes I just wish I would be less like that, let my hair down and just have fun like going to a party and go wild. Most of the time I feel too self aware to have fun. Is like it's normal for everyone but I don't because it would just look ridiculous to act wild or whatever.

^ Been here, done this. And I am now suffering the consequences of my irresponsible actions. The other day i was just telling the dude I luv and now liv with how i wish i had met him and only him, back in my younger years. Maybe I'd enjoy life a little more now.

Unfortunately I met far too many others, and yeah - not a good thing, methinks.

LtWolf
08-01-2010, 04:15 AM
Do you feel that you're too serious, uptight and self aware and you cannot really have fun?

In the typical college-type party setting, yes. I can have a load of fun around close friends, but in a larger gathering? ugh. I've been able to integrate a little better lately, but it tends to feel trivial.

Ill probably elaborate later when it isnt 4am.

Marcus Septim
08-01-2010, 06:41 AM
Yeah i am,sometimes

Photolysis
08-01-2010, 06:51 AM
I can certainly have fun, but I'm not going to go to parties simply because it's meant to be "fun" according to someone else's definition.

Geminii
08-01-2010, 12:43 PM
Is this thread for real? What was the point of this?

To compare general definitions of fun with ones which appeal to INTJs?

To commiserate over shared stories of being told to go do something extremely unappealing in order to "have fun", simply because it's the other person's idea of what fun is and they apparently can't conceive that some people just aren't interested?

To explore whether we're perceived as less fun than other people, and whether we should address that, and if so, how?

Ian Morrison
08-01-2010, 01:47 PM
I am quite uptight about many things, but that hasn't stopped me from having a ridiculous amount of fun in life.

True Rune
08-01-2010, 01:54 PM
I don't really stand in people's way of having fun. I just do what I want.

cutekoala
08-01-2010, 02:45 PM
Yeah...the thing is, I do what I think a lot of INTJs do to try and get through their twenties, which is basically observing others, copying/attempting to conform somewhat, and I do do genuinely like dancing and getting a bit tipsey occassionally....

Veracity
08-01-2010, 03:00 PM
I would have to say that the word "fun" doesn't really compute for me. I have gotten thrills from things, and I enjoy things, but I can't really define the word "fun". Or happy for that matter. Is "fun" the opposite of unfun, or maybe bored? Not sure. I do what I'd like to do, but I don't understand "fun" the same way I don't understand professional sports viewing.

Jackie
08-01-2010, 05:39 PM
I just find all this too ridiculous for me to do and I just want to sit down and watch the game commenting it with a friend sitting next to me but no need to look like a screaming monkey. But sometimes I wonder if they're having a lot more fun than I am.

So do I. If you can think if you can have more fun doing something else, your probably not having enough fun. Hell, when I have fun, I'm having too much fun to question or think about anything else. So why don't you try it? Whats to stop you?

Freedom Geek
08-02-2010, 01:10 PM
By the way most people define fun yes but I don't care.

Iota Null
08-02-2010, 05:04 PM
I'm a mixed bag with this. Sometimes I can be really uptight and self-aware, and usually I take myself very seriously during these times. I also tend to resent it when others don't.

Then again, sometimes I just like to have a laugh with friends, and some of the things I say and mockery I accept in the name of humour remind me why I'm not always taken seriously.

It very much depends who I'm around.

Raydale
08-02-2010, 06:05 PM
Lots of people, even some who know me well, have accused me of being stoned faced, a kill joy or not having fun in social situations. But inside my head, I am having a total blast as thousands of bits of information, from watching others at ritual play, flow over my senses and remind me of all kinds of entertaining stuff.

I think I'm at play and having fun almost constantly. The only time I suffer is when I am trapped in some formal information dumping within corporate meetings, classrooms, or encounters with functionaries.

The Shade
08-03-2010, 03:53 AM
I am upright. I have fun. A lot. If others do not notice (and they really don't), it's not my problem.

LordJish
08-04-2010, 12:32 PM
Yes, I've dated women who are E's and consequently hung out with other E's. I felt like a fish out of water. Faking it was not really possible unless I was intoxicated.

I married an INTJ and I find we communicate more efficiently and less confusion occurs because we both are quite blunt. We are secure in our relationship and one hundred percent comfortable.

seeyouatx
08-05-2010, 09:53 PM
I wouldn't say I don't know how to have fun. I just find fun in different activities than most of my peers. To me, sitting and reading a book is much more fun than a house party.

However, I do find myself too self-conscious to really put myself out there. (i.e. I don't dance in public because I just cannot let myself go.)

So, I suppose I am uptight, but that doesn't limit my fun, just the type of fun.

DarkPassenger
08-06-2010, 11:03 AM
I've always been a serious, "solemn looking" person and of course I've always been pretty self conscious. However, I've noticed as I get older and get more experience, it doesn't matter. I'm comfortable with myself, I mean, really comfortable. I find I go through moods where I'm highly excitable, like loud music, feel like having a drink, and go out or do something away from home. When I went to clubs, it was always for the music, never the crowd. That's how I had/have fun.

HKF
08-24-2010, 10:31 PM
Fun is ...lying on a bed, reading a fantasy book, drinking beer and sometimes, playing music in the background.

Fun is ... when I am with friends who think that it's okay for me to be myself - silent, serious and not having to churn out jokes all the time.

Fun is ... when you laugh at jokes which aren't funny to other people e.g. non-INTJs...

Fun is (fill in your own blank).

May I add that fun doesn't necessarily mean laughter, involve social interaction, etc.

In fact, I reckon one of my friends treat playing bridge as a fun act!

Jessamein
08-25-2010, 10:11 AM
I do not have fun in the 'fun' society decides upon. But I do laugh a lot with my INFJ friend. Her strange little thinking makes everything she says funny. It's like she just says what she wants without thinking if it were apt or not.

Kuzya
08-25-2010, 02:04 PM
We're not uptight but our idea of fun is different to msot people's. My idea of fun is dancing at hoem on my own, driving out to a secluded place inteh bush where I can yell, sing, do cartwheel sand intercat with nature. Fun is going to a movie alone or singing along ot my favourtite song at the top of my voice.

eileen
08-25-2010, 02:09 PM
I know exactly how you feel and the older I get the more task focused I seem to become. This has been bothering me quite a bit lately. I miss the old me that used to want to have fun first and do tasks as I could get to them.

s4nder
08-27-2010, 03:19 PM
I misread "uptight" as "upright." That was fun, hehe. Yeah, most of the fun takes place in my head.

Among close friends, however, social interactions can be very satisfying as well. Laughing at obscure absurd jokes with my INTP and INTJ friends is not something I could easily do without.

REMwoman
08-27-2010, 03:43 PM
I guess I am uptight, because I really dislike drinking (myself, I mean) and I don't like what alcohol tends to do to those around me, who are pretty hard to take conversation-wise at the best of times. So much for bars.

Clubbing is better, because I like do dance and I don't care diddley-squat whether people like how I do it or not, because I don't club to take advantage of its meet market aspects.

However, I don't like to stay up late and get tired, so clubbing is a bit rare.

I find (predictably enough) that solitary activities or 'dual solitary' activities are fun. like walking in the woods with a companion. But I can go out for hours with someone and hardly speak except to point out a plant or something. Sometimes this doesn't work that well, as I'm having a grand time, but they're wondering what they did to offend me.

I don't sing. I hate board games. I hate card games. I'm not that keen on movies or anything else with crowds.

I like to make stuff. By myself if possible. That's fun.

Actually, you're right. I'm dull. ;)

RdtheLiterature
08-27-2010, 05:29 PM
I don't like the term uptight...like, what? I'm uptight but I wish there was a better term for it...it has such a negative connotation and there's nothing necessarily wrong with wanting to be a calm and collected person.

I'm uptight?...I'm mature.

I've tried to "let loose"...I can't stand being drunk and in public...If I'm going to make a fool out of myself I like to do it in the privacy of my own home or with people that have seen me act like a fool already...

It's like I have this instilled need to be stable and reliable...when you're in public it's a fight against strangers-it's a fight against the unknown and I like to be at my best when I'm confronted with dealing with it...which means 'not being drunk'...

but I do understand the desire of wanting to enjoy letting loose..Anytime I do it I feel worse then when I started...I feel cheap, stupid, and like everyone else.

I feel I can't pull it off...like i'm bound to some unseen responsibility

Slacker
08-28-2010, 12:13 PM
I'm definitely uptight, but much less so now in my thirties than I used to be in my teens and twenties. Having fun is easy. Specifically, having "fun with people" is not something I'm so good at, though. Sometimes it's good politics to pretend. In those cases, alcohol helps.

I probably haven't changed much since my twenties, so the reason I no longer feel as uptight is because I seek situations which I enjoy (hiking, backpacking) and avoid situations that I don't (clubs, dancing). 15 years ago, I wasn't as aware of my options, perhaps didn't have as many, and would often feel that I was missing out (on the things I ended up not enjoying). The pressure was greater.

Fox
08-28-2010, 01:03 PM
We have fun. Since we are always in control of our situation we are labeled as uptight.

Thinking about it being so uptight we are less likely to make a stupid mistake in are youth. Most INTJ aren't going to throw caution to the wind at wild party. If you don't want to nearly die from binge drinking, have a one night stand with a stranger that you really regret or get arrested than you better have someone watching out for you. I don't know about you guys but I can't put my fate in hands of others who are going wild too. Keeping myself safe and avoiding a life time of headaches ultimately falls on my shoulders.

AlbanyDude
08-28-2010, 01:12 PM
I am upright. I have fun. A lot. If others do not notice (and they really don't), it's not my problem.

Well put, Shade! If there's a thing worse than being told to conform to have fun, it's being pitied by others who perceive your "having a blast" as a miserable time. Their loss...

HoldingPattern
08-29-2010, 08:23 PM
This has been on my mind for a while. No, I am not really a "fun" person. I can joke around and be gregarious at times, but when the responsibility falls on me to think of something fun to do, I have nothing.

I know how to have fun, but only on my turns. Most of the people I know... It's like their idea of a good time is to do nothing. They either want to smoke pot or sit around talking about supposedly fun things they did in the past.

My idea of fun is to challenge the social rules we take for granted. I get my kicks from getting unexpected reactions from people.

Miryr
08-29-2010, 08:37 PM
On Friday I was asked whether I ever have fun this, to be quite frank, left me stunned. I do have a lot of fun, I just do it in ways other people don't describe as "fun"

emw1981
08-29-2010, 09:50 PM
oh i am sooo with you on this! i have no idea how to "relax" like other people, but i'm onto trying to find my own fun. it's my life anyways-not theirs. i used to feel like if i missed out on a party, or a night with friends, etc. that i missed something great because my other friends would say how "awesome" it was. but then i would go to some of those things-and the same friends had an "awesome" time-and i didnt. i have stopped doing things that dont sound like fun. i find my own fun. uh, i still havent found it yet (aside from wtaching some of my fav tv shows or driving with the windows down with my fav music, blogging, journaling, or figuring something out haha) but i believe i have decided im officially thru with trying to have fun like eveyrone else. why spend the little time we have here trying for everyone else. we need to learn how to try for ourselves.

---------- Post added 08-29-2010 at 09:53 PM ----------

I don't know about you guys but I can't put my fate in hands of others who are going wild too. Keeping myself safe and avoiding a life time of headaches ultimately falls on my shoulders.

goodness to i agree with this. im white knuckled the whole time. how can we have fun like that!!??

Geise
08-29-2010, 09:58 PM
There is a difference between being too uptight to have fun at social events and simply not finding them fun inherently.

Mohammad
08-30-2010, 05:39 AM
i'm never viewed as uptight - 'reserved' might be the better word for it. however, when i am with a group of people i like (like i was with my recent trip to chicago), that reserved persona falls away. and then i am the most insane person you will ever meet. one dude was actually crying from laughing so hard.
poker-face humor works. :)

emw1981
08-30-2010, 06:27 PM
i'm never viewed as uptight - 'reserved' might be the better word for it. however, when i am with a group of people i like (like i was with my recent trip to chicago), that reserved persona falls away. and then i am the most insane person you will ever meet. one dude was actually crying from laughing so hard.
poker-face humor works. :)

i'm with you on this too. i have my "true" friends rolling with laughter and i get thanked profusely by my "true" friends for being as objective and good at giving advice. im beginning to realize i can best be myself with people i trust. when in situations with not a lot of trust-my insecurities begin to swarm me and i find myself "uptight" i think i am going to avoid these situations from here on out, so when i HAVE to do these things, i have the strength to do so.

Booko
08-30-2010, 06:43 PM
Holy moly! I don't want to miss an End of the World Party! Unfortunately, I'm afraid I live in Sweden and it would be quite a distance to hitchhike. But if I'm in the US for some reason, I'll come, count on it! If so, you may want to hook me up with your daughter aswell. Or no you won't, you know all about me, I'm you. Damn personality forum!

Yes, well if you can find airfare, at least you'll have no expenses once you get here (provided you're not allergic to cats?).

Hey, my daughter is an INTJ too, though not so strong in any of those factors than others in our family. You might be well suited to her.

God help she marry anyone too serious...

Hm, I don't suppose you play any instruments?