Breakin' up is hard to do (or is it?)

[rwyatt365]

Hijacked from another thread;
From the male perspective - I would really like to find the answer to this question as, true to type, I am walking past a previous long term relationship with no desire to look back. I would really like to know why so many friends and lovers try to make life so complicated then act confused when I weary from trying to untangle the knot and walk away. Isn't it better to lead a simple, direct life?
Ohboy! (I extracted this from another thread, forgive me jellosubmarine – and welcome!)
Can anyone explain why, as Neil Sedaka(?) says "Breakin' Up is Hard To Do" – not so much for me, but for so many others?

I haven’t been in a whole lot of relationships over the years, but those that have ended usually lasted well beyond their "expiration date" and most of the ladies involved have tended to want to stay "latched on" forever. Me, when it's over…it's over. I don’t have any lingering desires, no wistful day-dreams, no achey-breaky heart – I just pack up and move on.

I'll give an example (I might have laid this out in another thread, but I'll summarize here); my ex-wife. We were married for 8 years, four of which were pretty good and two of which were so-so. Towards the end she was obviously tired of my "INTJ-ness" and was looking for other outlets. I tacitly agreed and let her have full reign thinking that if she explored her options she would realize what a catch she had in me (yes, my modesty is showing ;) ). When I felt she was exploring and enjoying her "options" a little too much I asked for a divorce. We had no kids and I wasn't contesting anything that she wanted to have (the house, her car, the bank account, even a good chunk of my salary), all I wanted was to move on.

So we divorced and she married her "exploration option" within a few months. I wasn't mad, I wasn't upset. I knew that I was not giving her what she wanted and that she would be happier being with someone else (evidently, she was – they've been married now for almost 20 years). But something curious happened…she was calling me constantly crying the blues. "I love you!", "Can we have lunch sometime?" and "I just want to talk" were common things I heard. What I didn't understand is – if she was dissatisfied with me when we were together, why would she want to stay "connected" after we were apart? My feeling is "get over it and get on with your life!"

Anyone have any insight, or similar experiences? Are we INTJ's that irresistible? And why do they always want us after we're gone?

[Doppelbock]

INTJ's are all about moving forward. We're future oriented, forward thinking. Not surprising at all that you were able to move on instantly after the divorce. What's hard to understand (for me anyway) is the other MBTI types that are NOT able to do this and must agonize over all past events, decisions, etc. ad nauseum.

DB

[wolf]

Yeah, three (including one that was never really anything but thought she was) came back to haunt me. I've made it a point to scare them off so they don't want to come back as a result.

I admit some lingering stuff, though - it takes me a very long time to recover from failure of any variety.

[OneBadMother]

My breakup was difficult because I felt some level of responsibility for my ex, and I don't generally like to fail people that I have responsibilities to. Not to mention he threatened to kill himself, a threat that he didn't follow through on. I didn't suspect he would, but that's not one of those things you can take lightly.

[rwyatt365]

Yeah, three (including one that was never really anything but thought she was) came back to haunt me. *I've made it a point to scare them off so they don't want to come back as a result.

I admit some lingering stuff, though - it takes me a very long time to recover from failure of any variety.
Yeah, fear or anger are the only thing that seems to get some people to finally let go. Scare 'em off (as you say), or piss 'em off (what has worked for me) is the only "language" that some understand. But both of those tactics run counter to my nature, which is to form a reasonable argument and come to a rational conclusion.

[INTJohn]

If I ever even meet a gal thats even worth taking on a date, I give her about 2 maybe 3 dates - MAX - if she hasn't contributed something positive to my life by then - adios. I don't need nor want the drama or mindlessness.

Life's too short for BS - I have Peace of Mind and Contentment of Heart and have no problems in my life whatsoever 'till I start dating someone. Then my life starts going to hell inna hurry

The World is over populated with DRAMA QUEENS - irrespective as to gender.

INTJohn

[wolf]

Yeah, three (including one that was never really anything but thought she was) came back to haunt me. I've made it a point to scare them off so they don't want to come back as a result.

I admit some lingering stuff, though - it takes me a very long time to recover from failure of any variety.
Yeah, fear or anger are the only thing that seems to get some people to finally let go. Scare 'em off (as you say), or piss 'em off (what has worked for me) is the only "language" that some understand. But both of those tactics run counter to my nature, which is to form a reasonable argument and come to a rational conclusion.
Yeah, it was a combo. It's easier to piss them off, so that's what I did. One is still coming back to haunt me, though. I can't seem to be quite that cruel to this one for some reason, in spite of not wanting anything to do with her.

[bikerscars]

12 years...

went south after 2...

no hard feelings...

hardly any feelings at all

[Rei]

Breaking up is not the hard part... I'm pretty good at making things very clearly over.

The hard part is making myself stop wondering what the hell went wrong... just like every other mistake I ever made, big or small.

[wolf]

The hard part is making myself stop wondering what the hell went wrong... just like every other mistake I ever made, big or small.
Exactly my problem, too. I continue to beat myself up over things I screwed up all the way back to early childhood. Trying to solve these things consumes me.

[Firebert]

Just broke up with my girlfriend after two years. It wasn't anything personal, it wasn't even that I didn't have feelings for her. The relationship just wasn't healthy between us, and it was better for both of us to move on. I'm fine, although it is rough seeing things that remind me of her. I have no desire to be back with her though. I don't understand 'make up-break up' couples, but I generally hang in a relationship too long.

Life goes on. It's not worth wasting time and emotion over something that wasn't right in the first place.

[rwyatt365]

The hard part is making myself stop wondering what the hell went wrong... just like every other mistake I ever made, big or small.
Exactly my problem, too. *I continue to beat myself up over things I screwed up all the way back to early childhood. *Trying to solve these things consumes me.
Now that's one thing that I don't do - beat myself up over past mistakes. I tend to examine what happened, draw a conclusion about what the mistake was and then see if I can incorporate a change that will prevent that mistake from happening again.

If I can, then great - problem solved! If I can't, then I just know that I'll be here again in the future. Time to move on.

[Rei]

The hard part is making myself stop wondering what the hell went wrong... just like every other mistake I ever made, big or small.
Exactly my problem, too. *I continue to beat myself up over things I screwed up all the way back to early childhood. *Trying to solve these things consumes me.
Now that's one thing that I don't do - beat myself up over past mistakes. I tend to examine what happened, draw a conclusion about what the mistake was and then see if I can incorporate a change that will prevent that mistake from happening again.

If I can, then great - problem solved! If I can't, then I just know that I'll be here again in the future. Time to move on.
Oh I draw conclusions... over and over again. *But it doesn't go away. *Every once in a while it'll come up again.

Time to move on? *I'll definately keep walking down that path... but I can't help but take a little peek over my shoulder once in a while... And every time I do, I trip on a rock because I wasn't looking where I'm going. :-X

[rwyatt365]

Oh I draw conclusions... over and over again. *But it doesn't go away. *Every once in a while it'll come up again.

Time to move on? *I'll definately keep walking down that path... but I can't help but take a little peek over my shoulder once in a while... And every time I do, I trip on a rock because I wasn't looking where I'm going. *:-X
Interesting.

The only time I find myself doubting myself is when someone is bashing me over the head with "proof" of my inability, or incompetence. Then I start to think, "Am I really that bad?".

But remove that external influence and my mind (and self-esteem) snap right back. "Nope I'm OK, that other person was an idiot!" Then I'm back on track again.

[deicruxified]

last relationship was 2005... 2 days after he broke up with me i was with my friends playing resident eveil 3... then i told them my bf broke up with me and my thesis defense will be in a days time lol.

not only in intimate relationships... i guess i'm just detached. one good asset of being an introvert since we got to depend on ourselves more and we can handle problems easily on our own.

[vulcan]

Since INTJ chicks apparently like INTJ dudes, you now have your own match.com.

[xtremegeek]

Hi all - ISTJ here. Question for you INTJs, would you tell a former SO that you were "thinking about" him/her? I'm curious to know this because recently I sent a card to an INTJ whom I had dated in the past. He responded with a 'thank you' and stated that he had been thinking about me. Is this a good thing or a bad thing? Do INTJs ever date someone they've previously dated? It seems like INTJs really struggle with the whole forgiveness thing - forgiving themselves for a mistake or forgiving their SO for a mistake.

Please enlighten this ISTJ, thanks.

[iamnotspock]

My story is similar to the OP here. Ex (ISFP) wanted to marry but I said no. I was NOT willing to part with house, bank accountant, salary, etc. in case of (likely) divorce. So then she decided to explore her options. And I, too, assumed she'd realize they weren't so great. After explorations went too far, though, I gave her the walking papers.

And even after moving in with the new guy, she would drop by unannounced and stay for the weekend. The new guy would call up on Monday wondering if I'd seen "his" girlfriend...

After a month, though I decided I was tired of it. There was no future, she was a a total flake, and she was no longer doing the cooking. But the problem was that every time she showed up on my doorstep I'd be faced with: weekend with sexy ex OR weekend with goldfish. So I basically had to chase her off, telling her I'd sue her to get back the money I loaned her (which I always knew she'd never really repay).

So that threat hurt her feelings, I guess, and I haven't seen or heard from her again. I feel bad, but things had to reach an end one way or the other.

[rwyatt365]

Hi all - ISTJ here. Question for you INTJs, would you tell a former SO that you were "thinking about" him/her? I'm curious to know this because recently I sent a card to an INTJ whom I had dated in the past. He responded with a 'thank you' and stated that he had been thinking about me. Is this a good thing or a bad thing? Do INTJs ever date someone they've previously dated? It seems like INTJs really struggle with the whole forgiveness thing - forgiving themselves for a mistake or forgiving their SO for a mistake.

Please enlighten this ISTJ, thanks.

I have a bad habit of saying exactly what I mean, and expecting others to realize that fact. What I mean is, if I were to say, "I was thinking of you", I would mean exactly that – I was thinking of you. Not that I wanted us to get back together, or that I wanted to have sex, or any other permutation. I was telling you that in my stream of consciousness, you were in that stream. The problem is that "thinking of you" has implications that I might not have intended when I made that statement, and now I'm stuck having to explain myself. I don't know if this is what your former SO was saying to you, or not..

[Natrushka]

Hi all - ISTJ here. Question for you INTJs, would you tell a former SO that you were "thinking about" him/her? I'm curious to know this because recently I sent a card to an INTJ whom I had dated in the past. He responded with a 'thank you' and stated that he had been thinking about me. Is this a good thing or a bad thing? Do INTJs ever date someone they've previously dated? It seems like INTJs really struggle with the whole forgiveness thing - forgiving themselves for a mistake or forgiving their SO for a mistake.

Please enlighten this ISTJ, thanks.

I have a bad habit of saying exactly what I mean, and expecting others to realize that fact. What I mean is, if I were to say, "I was thinking of you", I would mean exactly that – I was thinking of you.


Ditto.

When I say something about someone (I was thinking about you. Your name came up in conversation last week, etc) it means exactly that. Nothing more.

As for forgiveness - from personal experience if someone gets to the point that they've been written off / dismissed they have no more chances. Then again that person wouldn't be receiving emails saying "I was thinking about you last week".

[mind_wander]

Hijacked from another thread;
From the male perspective - I would really like to find the answer to this question as, true to type, I am walking past a previous long term relationship with no desire to look back. I would really like to know why so many friends and lovers try to make life so complicated then act confused when I weary from trying to untangle the knot and walk away. Isn't it better to lead a simple, direct life?
Ohboy! (I extracted this from another thread, forgive me jellosubmarine – and welcome!)
Can anyone explain why, as Neil Sedaka(?) says "Breakin' Up is Hard To Do" – not so much for me, but for so many others?

I haven’t been in a whole lot of relationships over the years, but those that have ended usually lasted well beyond their "expiration date" and most of the ladies involved have tended to want to stay "latched on" forever. Me, when it's over…it's over. I don’t have any lingering desires, no wistful day-dreams, no achey-breaky heart – I just pack up and move on.

I'll give an example (I might have laid this out in another thread, but I'll summarize here); my ex-wife. We were married for 8 years, four of which were pretty good and two of which were so-so. Towards the end she was obviously tired of my "INTJ-ness" and was looking for other outlets. I tacitly agreed and let her have full reign thinking that if she explored her options she would realize what a catch she had in me (yes, my modesty is showing ;) ). When I felt she was exploring and enjoying her "options" a little too much I asked for a divorce. We had no kids and I wasn't contesting anything that she wanted to have (the house, her car, the bank account, even a good chunk of my salary), all I wanted was to move on.

So we divorced and she married her "exploration option" within a few months. I wasn't mad, I wasn't upset. I knew that I was not giving her what she wanted and that she would be happier being with someone else (evidently, she was – they've been married now for almost 20 years). But something curious happened…she was calling me constantly crying the blues. "I love you!", "Can we have lunch sometime?" and "I just want to talk" were common things I heard. What I didn't understand is – if she was dissatisfied with me when we were together, why would she want to stay "connected" after we were apart? My feeling is "get over it and get on with your life!"

Anyone have any insight, or similar experiences? Are we INTJ's that irresistible? And why do they always want us after we're gone?

Well I'm not in a true relationship, but friend relationship. But, I was thinking the same thing. INTJ's like both sides to be happy. It is very consistent and balanced, if its off balance well INTJ's will go insane. As for the part why we are irresistible? It has to do we are true to our own thinking and being honest about it. Leads to the next question, Trust & honesty = please come back to me. Because in this world has alot of liars, less liars makes people feel alittle better[ without heavy cristisms that you are wrong].

[mind_wander]

If I ever even meet a gal thats even worth taking on a date, I give her about 2 maybe 3 dates - MAX - *if she hasn't contributed something positive to my life by then - adios. I don't need nor want the drama or mindlessness.

Life's too short for BS - I have Peace of Mind and Contentment of Heart and have no problems in my life whatsoever 'till I start dating someone. Then my life starts going to hell inna hurry

The World is over populated with DRAMA QUEENS - irrespective as to gender.

INTJohn
If I was in this situation, I would do the samething. The easy way 1-2-3, then your out of the circle. But, it does not mean we can't be friends.

[mind_wander]

Hi all - ISTJ here. *Question for you INTJs, would you tell a former SO that you were "thinking about" him/her? *I'm curious to know this because recently I sent a card to an INTJ whom I had dated in the past. *He responded with a 'thank you' and stated that he had been thinking about me. *Is this a good thing or a bad thing? *Do INTJs ever date someone they've previously dated? *It seems like INTJs really struggle with the whole forgiveness thing - forgiving themselves for a mistake or forgiving their SO for a mistake.

Please enlighten this ISTJ, thanks.

The "Thinking about" him/her, an easy explaination. It has to do with emotional regret that it was an unintentional mistake. Not all INTJ's/ISTJ's do go together. ST's has that power to force you to do something, while INTJ's want your to do something. When someone force you to do and the other want you to do; talk about a communication problem. Its not necessarily a bad thing though, because that INTJ has forgiven you without opening up to you honestly. We tend to forgive without telling you depending on the situation.

Looking in my life, someone people have asked forgiveness, in a emotional way. I'd be straight with them, hold on a second, I've forgiven you along time ago; does this make you feel alot better. Ok, keep crying your heart out, let it all out; build it internally is unhealthy [My F side kicking in]. INTJ's we need to do it, as an "F" emergency.

[xtremegeek]

The "Thinking about" him/her, an easy explaination. It has to do with emotional regret that it was an unintentional mistake. Not all INTJ's/ISTJ's do go together. ST's has that power to force you to do something, while INTJ's want your to do something. When someone force you to do and the other want you to do; talk about a communication problem. Its not necessarily a bad thing though, because that INTJ has forgiven you without opening up to you honestly. We tend to forgive without telling you depending on the situation.

He has forgiven me without opening up honestly...so, if you are the INTJ male in this situation, how would you want me to deal with you? *He hasn't totally written me off. *And he is extremely guarded however, I can't help but think that deep down he wants me to keep trying, otherwise, he would never respond to my mail or e-mails, but he does...not always, but he does. *I don't know if my gut feeling is correct and I should just hang in there and keep doing what I'm doing, or give up on him.

[AmINot]

Hijacked from another thread;

Ohboy! (I extracted this from another thread, forgive me jellosubmarine – and welcome!)
Can anyone explain why, as Neil Sedaka(?) says "Breakin' Up is Hard To Do" – not so much for me, but for so many others?

I haven’t been in a whole lot of relationships over the years, but those that have ended usually lasted well beyond their "expiration date" and most of the ladies involved have tended to want to stay "latched on" forever. Me, when it's over…it's over. I don’t have any lingering desires, no wistful day-dreams, no achey-breaky heart – I just pack up and move on.

I'll give an example (I might have laid this out in another thread, but I'll summarize here); my ex-wife. We were married for 8 years, four of which were pretty good and two of which were so-so. Towards the end she was obviously tired of my "INTJ-ness" and was looking for other outlets. I tacitly agreed and let her have full reign thinking that if she explored her options she would realize what a catch she had in me (yes, my modesty is showing ;) ). When I felt she was exploring and enjoying her "options" a little too much I asked for a divorce. We had no kids and I wasn't contesting anything that she wanted to have (the house, her car, the bank account, even a good chunk of my salary), all I wanted was to move on.

So we divorced and she married her "exploration option" within a few months. I wasn't mad, I wasn't upset. I knew that I was not giving her what she wanted and that she would be happier being with someone else (evidently, she was – they've been married now for almost 20 years). But something curious happened…she was calling me constantly crying the blues. "I love you!", "Can we have lunch sometime?" and "I just want to talk" were common things I heard. What I didn't understand is – if she was dissatisfied with me when we were together, why would she want to stay "connected" after we were apart? My feeling is "get over it and get on with your life!"

Anyone have any insight, or similar experiences? Are we INTJ's that irresistible? And why do they always want us after we're gone?
I think eight years is the natural cycle of when sex was the glue that held the marriage together. As i read more about your frustrations, I can’t help but realize I am in identical situation. Push comes to shove, let the tug-a-war begin.

I have one more non-material variable on my side that makes leaving nearly impossible to leave. What do you do? Play the game until they reach a certain age?

Been doing that, it’s been compounding the situation. Is this the environment I want my kids to see me in? Is this the man I want them to see? A man for staying and a coward for not. Or, a coward for staying and not man enough to leave. How does one handle such a dilemma? The house, cars, diamonds and the painting on the wall are irrelevant.

What was it that was the final nail?

[azelismia]

He has forgiven me without opening up honestly...so, if you are the INTJ male in this situation, how would you want me to deal with you? He hasn't totally written me off. And he is extremely guarded however, I can't help but think that deep down he wants me to keep trying, otherwise, he would never respond to my mail or e-mails, but he does...not always, but he does. I don't know if my gut feeling is correct and I should just hang in there and keep doing what I'm doing, or give up on him.


this has been going on as far back as last October???

[True Rune]

Actually going through this right now, only a little different. I know that I can't stay with my current girlfriend because I am asexual and she is not(I'm even averse to kissing :/), and my goals require me to leave the country and hers do not. I know what I have to do, just been putting it off. (Our relationship is somewhat long distance..) I just don't want to lose her friendship..

[Antares]

Not really. When I broke up with my ex I went out and treated myself. Not hard at all. The hard part is getting over this certain guy whom I never got together with. It's been dragging on since April last year.

[Motor Jax]

going through this stage now, but due to my sometimes numinous behavior and feeling attachments, i'm finding myself wrecking myself up inside

it's hard right now, and i envy people that can just pack up and move on

although i feel a bit at ease and a little more freedom than before

[PortInStorm]

I'm with you Jax. If I've really cared for a person, it hurts for a long time. It's as if your life has moulded around the partner, and now that they're gone, there's a big hole til it can remould itself yet again.

Grrrrr, sometimes INxJ weakness sucks.

[ShaiGar]

It's incredibly easy if it's me that's doing the breaking up. One shot, Boom it's done. I don't even say anything I'm just straight out the door... But that's more sexual affairs.

Never dumped anybody that I was in a relationship with. But I've only had 2 real relationships. Still in love with both of them, and another couple of girls that I overextended and wished I had relationships with. Generally we just tend to move away from each other, or I napalmed the bridges back to them instinctively when I realised or thought it wouldn't work.

[Nanashi]

I'm with wolf and Rei on the continued preoccupation with what part was 'my fault'. I've been wondering lately if my obsessiveness has something to do with my analyzing input and results and wanting things perfect. This relationship wasn't well-orchestrated. No one is perfect, thus I must have contributed to its imperfection. I shall now blame myself for being imperfect. :) orchestrating things and control. It's weird. I guess I could say that being depressed by my own part in it is not a positive action and will not be beneficial in the long run.

[rwyatt365]

For me, the "final nail" was when she spent more time outside the marriage than inside. By that, I mean - it's ok not to like me (most people don't), I just ask that you tolerate me and that we can learn to co-exist. But when "you" find more meaning co-existing with someone else then it makes no sense to remain tied to me. One thing I am adamant about...I will not support someone else's bad (in my estimation) habits. If a mate wants to sleep around, or go visit Susie all day every day, or spend hours at the spa - fine! Just don't ask me to support you in those endeavors.

Sleep around? Sure, just don't bother to come home afterwards. Spend all day with Susie? No problem, just get a job and you can spend every dime of your paycheck. Lay out a the spa all day (and neglect the house)? More power to you - now, who's cooking YOUR dinner, 'cause it ain't me. I can tolerate a lot, but I won't be taken advantage of (unless I choose to do so).

[changos]

Are we INTJ's that irresistible? And why do they always want us after we're gone?
I wonder the same. To me every ex stays as an open door, I don't know why. It seems we get really deep. My friends hate this as they exes just move on, mine try to stay close and keep calling me after years (even wanting a second try).

My last one has been stalking me horribly (see my thread if you want to). I'm not handsome at all... (I think... I'm pretty invisible.).

Perhaps... as it was mentioned on another thread, if we care about someone we study her and we become the best ones to surprise her, please her and so... yes, perhaps we fail on space and closeness, but after they move on and try other people they see we are the only ones filling the small spaces between the bricks on their soul walls.

Rei: The hard part is making myself stop wondering what the hell went wrong.
Me too. It seems the description of the INTJ profile is true... we go back in time to reconstruct everything so we can find out what went wrong.

Somebody mentioned we are future oriented, I somehow agree and it makes it hard as I planned a life with "her". This means to reconstruct... After any break up I just stop going out on a dating basis. I just want to move on but I avoid any love relationship. Is not depression, it just takes time for me to "clean the house".

*I'm not married but was close to it two times.

Is confusing...

[ShaiGar]

One thing I am adamant about...I will not support someone else's bad (in my estimation) habits. If a mate wants to sleep around, or go visit Susie all day every day, or spend hours at the spa - fine! Just don't ask me to support you in those endeavours.

Sleep around? Sure, just don't bother to come home afterwards.
Completely agree. I don't like to stop people from making their mistakes, even if they tell me beforehand what their mistakes are. If someone asks me what the consequences will be from that course of action I'm likely to tell them. However I won't forgive a person for breaking my boundaries. Someone wants to sleep around on me, hell that's cool... Just expect that as soon as I find out, their stuff will be on the curb. If someone has known me for a long time, known that I've shown an interest in them sexually or mentally and then go date or sleep with someone else before asking me out I'm going to decline. Just so if someone passes me over for any advancement.

Similarly to this I'm more likely to laugh if someone jaywalks and gets hit by a car, and dies. I'm definitely an advocate of the "Remove the Safety Warnings from Society" position.

[Solaris]

When I was a teenager, I had a terrible on-off relationship. Once I was done though, I was done. I had learned, and was done. I married the man I next dated after that, but I've since divorced him. There was no on-off period, when I was done, I was done. I agreed to trial separation just to make sure, as a marriage is not something to be taken lightly in my opinion. However, once we examined things, I knew it was done. I am that way with any type of relationship really. When I am done, I am done. Loyalty will keep me someplace longer than I should stay, but once I see there is nothing left to be gained for anyone, I'm out. I don't look back, I don't regret, I don't repeat.

[xtremegeek]

this has been going on as far back as last October???

Noooo...ended in November.

[SeaCzar]

Wow. Much to agree with here.

First off, its not Neil Sedaka's "Breaking Up Is Hard To Do" for me. The better analogy would be Paul Simon's "50 Ways to Leave Your Lover" (best line: "Just set yourself free..."). Further, Yogi Berra's line, "It ain't over until its over" may be true. But, once it is over, its over and done. I stayed two years (at least) too long with my (ex) wife, and that was a mistake, because it really was over.

I have no problem moving on, in any relationship. I have not failed; others have failed me.

[azelismia]

Noooo...ended in November.

So this is a different guy than the one you've recently been talking about?
do you have a pattern of going after inaccessable guys?

[RoyalINTJ]

I have not failed; others have failed me.

I feel the same way when ending some relationships... tho most relationships end because two people have different ways to go.... its hard to combine family life and getting child with traveling around the world... what has to end - ends .. the sooner , the better...

[xtremegeek]

So this is a different guy than the one you've recently been talking about?
do you have a pattern of going after inaccessable guys?

I don't believe so, but I'll contemplate that notion for awhile. What's your definition of inaccessible? The first INTJ, I went after. This current INTJ has been calling me and initiated the contact. Are they both inaccessible simply because they are INTJs? If that's the case, I'll avoid you guys like the plague from now on.

[Motor Jax]

well, i think we've determined it was not an actual breakup

just an emotional/mental break (yeah, easy for her to say)...

[ShaiGar]

isn't that what a breakup is? unless of course you're still monogamous and having sex...

[Motor Jax]

well, she called it an emotional break

i guess with all the phone calls per day, and constant communication, and with stuff going on, it became overwhelming for her

we're back on speaking terms now though, so its a start