need attention, afraid of it?

[stickgirl]

Hi,

I've been mostly a lurker here -- only a few posts in over 2 years. I posted a rather lengthy writeup about myself a couple of years ago and responded to a few kind folks, but then went back to lurking. I do not feel outgoing enough to post a lot. I feel like posting means I'm needy, I suppose, given the sorts of topics I'm usually drawn to post about.

Anyhow, I struggle with depression and am struggling with it now. I am almost 40 and am very isolated socially and have only one sort-of-friend. I live about an hour from family members but choose to remain pretty much to myself.

I am used to being alone but as I get older I really struggle with the need for companionship. I don't need a big social circle -- just a companion.

I live in a decent size city but am terrified of social meetup groups and all that stuff. I feel like NO ONE in the world is a bigger dork than I am.

If we skip past all the (kind and well-intended) "just put yourself out there!" posts... has anyone here been in a similar situation -- pretty much alone -- and found a way through?

Is it just luck? If anyone as timid as me *did* use a meetup or similar thing successfully, what was it and how did you work yourself up to attending?

Has anyone out there been totally alone and found that meeting "that one person" was what they needed?

[InfiniteLoop]

I'm usually not too afraid of attention; rather, too much attention annoys me and drains my energy. I can't stand big crowds of people, especially if they're focused on me. Theater, however, that's the one place I really feel I can handle the attention. It's fun when you're acting, not so fun when it's just you.

[kepstein8888]

With all due respect, if you think you're the biggest dork out there, you need to get out more, if only to see how big some of the dorks are.

If I met the wife online, then there's a good chance anybody can meet somebody. Online, you can work at your own pace and level of commitment, and can go wherever you want when you want. I see no need to push yourself into one of those meetup deals if you're not comfortable.