Guys, what do you think of asexual women?

[differentgirl]

Asexuality, is the lack of interest in and desire for sex. It's not a temporary thing, more like sexual orientation.
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Guys, what would be your thoughts if your female friend (not girl friend, just somebody you go for walks with, play sports, etc.) would tell you she is asexual?

[cannotseethe]

Guys, what would be your thoughts if your female friend (not girl friend, just somebody you go for walks with, play sports, etc.) would tell you she is asexual?

"Hmm, what's for dinner?"

[True Rune]

Well, I am male and asexual.. so if we hit it off.. I'd absolutely love it.

[fadelio]

Ever seen "When Harry Met Sally?"

Why would I be friends with her? I mean, not to be a jerk, I just generally (not always, but generally) don't want to be friends with a girl. I just don't. If she has a boyfriend, or is married, or is a friend of my girlfriend/wife then no worries - but for me the primary purpose is to date... I just think the friendships are different...

[Silverity]

None of my guy friends care that my romantic/sexual drive is nearly non-existent. I make a habit of telling all of them as soon as I can to weed out the creeps who just want in my pants and so far pretty much everyone has stuck around. I think they feel more comfortable with me, actually.

[ambrosia]

I find asexuals facinating. So I would stick around and um, study you. Ha Ha. However, friends are great, but I can't see dating someone with zero interest in sex. The idea of a romantic asexual is baffling.

I have a few questions for you. No need to answer if you feel uncomfortable.
1) Do you masturbate? If you do, what think/feel or watch?
2) Do you recognize good looking vs bad looking people?
3) Can you get emotionally close to someone?
4) Have you tried sexuality?

[ElstonGunn]

"Hmm, what's for dinner?"

That's pretty much what my response would be. Maybe I'd be a little more surprised, simply because I imagine that asexuality is much more rare than hetero-, homo-, or bi-sexuality. But otherwise, I'd think nothing of it. I couldn't relate to it very much. Even during the periods of my life when I had no desire for a relationship or other romantic/sexual interactions, I was still something of a philogynist, and I still appreciated female beauty. But on a similar (though in most cases, more culturally trivial) level, there are plenty of "normal" things that simply don't interest me. ...So, yeah, basically, what's for dinner?

[differentgirl]

I have a few questions for you. No need to answer if you feel uncomfortable.
1) Do you masturbate? If you do, what think/feel or watch?
2) Do you recognize good looking vs bad looking people?
3) Can you get emotionally close to someone?
4) Have you tried sexuality?

(1) That's very personal. I might tell you in a private message. Maybe. Maybe.
(2) Yes! And I like to be with good looking guys, maybe even flirt a bit, just I don't like sex, especially don't like kissing. I love nice and good looking guys until they try to touch me.
(3) If you asked me that a few years ago, I wouldn't even know what emotionally close means. Now I think I know, and want to, but not sure if I can or can't.
(4) Yes, a lot when I was young. Looking back I feel like I repeatedly raped myself over a few years for the purpose of "fitting in". I.e., everybody was having boyfriends as well as casual sex and I felt obligated to do so too.

[SeaCzar]

I would not think of it one way or another. What goes on (or does not go on) in your bedroom is none of my business, or anyone else's for that matter.

[Slowandeasy1]

(not girl friend, just somebody you go for walks with, play sports, etc.) would tell you she is asexual?

Great, me too. Really simplifies life. Lets Dance, Hike, Run etc

However, Relativity creeps in.

Relative to an ESFP (selective aren't I:-))), is it just a matter of degree, like once a year (decade) rather than once a day?

Sex is an instinctive drive. For us IN types (may I be so bold?), imaginative perception is fantastic.

We all have it and it needs to be released - especially when my defences are down - i am really tired and ready for bed.

I have often wondered how Roman Catholic Priests manage. Maybe they are asexual as well.

[True Rune]

They're not, usually. You don't die if you don't have sex..

[Slowandeasy1]

They're not, usually. You don't die if you don't have sex..

Agreed, but there are those pesky hormones: testosterone in men (30 times that of females) and Oxytocin in Women.

[Quiet Riot]

what i would SAY is a different matter altogether, but this is what i would think to myself.

i'd think she heard about asexuality or read about it, and then some circumstances in her life, a bad relationship, a rejection of some kind, a lack of self esteem, a life change, a personal narrative(as in, what people WANT to believe about their lives), somehow made her wish that she really was asexual. I might also think that she was saying this for a personal, specific reason, such as, she wants to date me but doesnt want me to be on the lookout for her advances or something convoluted like that.

yes, im sure asexuality exists in some forms, but i dont think its common enough to ever actually meet someone who is. Im not sure if people who claim to be asexual have very weak sexual urges, are unconsciously waiting for the right person, have no suitable candidates anywhere in their day to day life, (opposite sex, general age, attractive in any capacity). i dont know. i would say it doesnt exist at all, because how would i know? im just very skeptical of the concept of asexuality. because really, how would a gene for asexuality ever get passed down in the human race? EVER? You might say that same thing about homosexuality, which i of course do believe is a true aspect of humanity, if certainly not one that is very conducive to reproduction.


heres what an online asexual organization says

"sexual people who experience attraction will often be attracted to a particular gender,"

"Many asexual people experience attraction, but we feel no need to act out that attraction sexually"

"sexual arousal is a fairly regular occurrence, though it is not associated with a desire to find a sexual partner or partners."

THATS what they say asexuality means? thats ridiculous...if you are experiencing attraction to anyone in any capacity, you are a sexual being. The matter of whether or not you act externally on it is a completely environmentally-circumstantial issue that doesnt negate your sexuality.

[hubcap]

I wouldn't give it much thought. As a person with a high sex drive, I would be mildly puzzled by it, but I've never understood much about women anyway. ;)

[Dasein]

I would be willing to bet men don't think of asexual women.

[thref23]

I would probably be taken aback and wonder if she was actually asexual or whether she was trying to drop a hint, and let me know she wasn't attracted to me.

I wouldn't judge her, or other asexuals, but asexuality certainly strikes me as unnatural and I would consider potential causes i.e. hormonal deficiencies, abuse-related insecurities, spirit-related, etcetera. The whole concept would arouse my curiosity.

[dice]

The fact that she told me she is asexual would mean something to me, I would hope I wouldn't over-interpret that. I think sexuality as a whole is pretty misunderstood and demonized in society.

"If you're straight, you're great; if you're gay, you can stay; but if you've got no sex drive, I don't like your vibe!"

[Melchizedek]

"Hmm, what's for dinner?"

Yes, this. If I'm not romantically interested in a girl, what do I care? It's not like this effects our friendship in any way. If anything, I might just be relieved to know that she isn't harboring feelings for me.

[Cincinnatus]

"That's nice." Then I'd wonder why she was telling me this. It's none of my business, and I wish it not be made my business.

[Zombicide]

I'd think "Good, I'm glad you are an asexual, I fully understand and hope that if we're ever together we never have to do that grotesque thing to consummate our relationship. Is she trying to entice me with this wonderful news?".

[Dante]

I'd probably say, "Oh, ok then" and leave it at that. It strikes me as a nonissue unless I was romantically interested.

[Antares]

I find asexuals facinating. So I would stick around and um, study you. Ha Ha. However, friends are great, but I can't see dating someone with zero interest in sex. The idea of a romantic asexual is baffling.

I have a few questions for you. No need to answer if you feel uncomfortable.
1) Do you masturbate? If you do, what think/feel or watch?
2) Do you recognize good looking vs bad looking people?
3) Can you get emotionally close to someone?
4) Have you tried sexuality?

1 I don't masturbate. Porn does nothing for me. I was perversely fascinated for the first five minutes, then it got boring.

2. I do notice the degree of beauty in both men and women. I have a "type" of guy. And as much as I'm hetero-romantic, I have a "type" of girl too.

3. I make very deep emotional connections with people, especially with males. Although I have rarely, if ever, felt a physical urge to do things with them.

4. I have tried most one-on-one things short of full blown sex. But I'm thinking that if I find kissing boring, then I probably won't enjoy sex.

[Ian Morrison]

If I was interested in a romantic relationship with this person, it'd be a little disappointing, but ultimately minor. Otherwise, I don't see how I could possibly give a rat's ass, especially considering that sex and romance are way, WAY down there on my own priority list. It'd be "great, another person who doesn't really give a shit!"

[Freedom Geek]

Uh, good for them.

[True Rune]

It appears even INTJ men care little for their friends unless they can fuck them.

[plotthickens]

This is what I believe most men think:

Yeah, well, MY dick could fix her!

[fokalina]

I have a feeling many guys would make a bigger deal of it. :/

[Blse]

Asexuality, is the lack of interest in and desire for sex. It's not a temporary thing, more like sexual orientation.
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Guys, what would be your thoughts if your female friend (not girl friend, just somebody you go for walks with, play sports, etc.) would tell you she is asexual?

Quite frankly I don't know what to make of it. Depending on how well I know her and how I assess her introspective analysis skills I might doubt her conclusion since the vast, vast majority of people are hard-wired to desire sex (i.e. I'd be wondering, are you really sure?). That said, to each their own. Obviously, I wouldn't date her because we would not be compatible at all. Being platonic friends on the other hand doesn't seem like a problem.

I would not think of it one way or another. What goes on (or does not go on) in your bedroom is none of my business, or anyone else's for that matter.

Well said.

I would be willing to bet men don't think of asexual women.

Yeah.

[HAL 9000]

Sexual tension/sexuality in general makes social interaction a bit more interesting. It's just another human trait to consider, respect and enjoy.

That said, I don't begrudge, ignore, or think less of asexual women. I'll only end up having sex with one woman in my life anyhow.

[Mikemac]

Nothing cause I have no use for them.

[Ian Morrison]

It appears even INTJ men care little for their friends unless they can fuck them.

Actually, it would appear that there is a wide range of opinions on the subject from the extremely misogynistic to the extremely accepting to downright apathetic. Are we reading the same thread?

[Fox]

Question is she hot?

[True Rune]

Maybe I'm biased.. but I don't tell all my friends what I am. Most have to hide it.

[mindstate]

This is what I believe most men think:

Yeah, well, MY dick could fix her!

How sexist and old fashioned. Those kinds of views of men are so passé, say, 1970's?

I almost broke my neck diving into that part of the pool.

[Echemythia]

Asexuality, is the lack of interest in and desire for sex. It's not a temporary thing, more like sexual orientation.
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Guys, what would be your thoughts if your female friend (not girl friend, just somebody you go for walks with, play sports, etc.) would tell you she is asexual?

I would tell her to get her head checked.

Sexuality is absolutely normal and what I consider a essential part of human existence.
That doesn't mean you can't have any standards or self-control, but rejecting the notion completely comes across as mental illness.

That being said, she is her own person and my opinions are not law. She can do as she pleases, but I really wonder how long it would please her to do so.

[Anreader]

Sexuality is absolutely normal and what I consider a essential part of human existence.
That doesn't mean you can't have any standards or self-control, but rejecting the notion completely comes across as mental illness.
Most of the time I consider myself asexual. I haven't rejected the idea completely, however, I never seem to understand when someone is attracted to me, and I've only been attracted to one person. My attraction toward that person didn't make me want to have intercourse with him. I did sort of fantasize about watching him sweep the floor with a push broom, but that was basically it.

1. Yes. I notice tactile sensations. I rarely watch porn. I think its funny. I do sometimes read romance novels, but they are more about emotional gratification than sexually titillating.
2. Yes.
3. Yes, but I've never gotten emotionally close with someone who was sexually available. And when that person began looking sexually toward me, or I thought he did, I ran for the hills.
4. No.

[Causa Mortis]

I would tell her to get her head checked.

Sexuality is absolutely normal and what I consider a essential part of human existence.
That doesn't mean you can't have any standards or self-control, but rejecting the notion completely comes across as mental illness.

That being said, she is her own person and my opinions are not law. She can do as she pleases, but I really wonder how long it would please her to do so.

Asexuality is strongly correlated with schizoid, avoidant and narcissistic tendencies. There are several members who rather obviously have this disorder, and very, very many with these tendencies.

[Echemythia]

Most of the time I consider myself asexual. I haven't rejected the idea completely, however, I never seem to understand when someone is attracted to me, and I've only been attracted to one person. My attraction toward that person didn't make me want to have intercourse with him. I did sort of fantasize about watching him sweep the floor with a push broom, but that was basically it.

1. Yes. I notice tactile sensations. I rarely watch porn. I think its funny. I do sometimes read romance novels, but they are more about emotional gratification than sexually titillating.
2. Yes.
3. Yes, but I've never gotten emotionally close with someone who was sexually available. And when that person began looking sexually toward me, or I thought he did, I ran for the hills.
4. No.

You fantasized...about him sweeping the floor with a push broom? Pardon me but don't you find that strange?

---------- Post added 07-25-2010 at 10:49 PM ----------

Asexuality is strongly correlated with schizoid, avoidant and narcissistic tendencies. There are several members who rather obviously have this disorder, and very, very many with these tendencies.

I possess all of those tendencies as well to some degree haha. I used to loath myself though for having sexuality. I hated who I was and nearly killed myself over it several times.

Now, I've just learned to accept it instead of resist it. I'm not going to hate myself for being natural.

[Causa Mortis]

I possess all of those tendencies as well to some degree haha. I used to loath myself though for having sexuality. I hated who I was and nearly killed myself over it several times.

Now, I've just learned to accept it instead of resist it. I'm not going to hate myself for being natural.

There's nada wrong with not wanting to have sex, I think its just in most cases rooted in a very profound fear of intimacy rather than not enjoying the act.

[Antares]

There's nada wrong with not wanting to have sex, I think its just in most cases rooted in a very profound fear of intimacy rather than not enjoying the act.

In that case I would tell you to please believe me when I say I genuinely do not enjoy sexual acts and that I probably know my feelings better than you do. Maybe this is a passing phase, as I'm still pretty young, but I don't think there's anything wrong with my concept of intimacy.

[Ray9]

Guys, what do you think of asexual women?


Any man who wants to explore that issue needs only to get married.

[astrolite]

This is what I believe most men think:

Yeah, well, MY dick could fix her!

I'd prefer something witty like "sounds like a vitamin D deficiency"

[Damien Black]

None of my guy friends care that my romantic/sexual drive is nearly non-existent. I make a habit of telling all of them as soon as I can to weed out the creeps who just want in my pants and so far pretty much everyone has stuck around. I think they feel more comfortable with me, actually.

I hardly see how a desire for sex alone makes someone a creep.

[Echemythia]

There's nada wrong with not wanting to have sex, I think its just in most cases rooted in a very profound fear of intimacy rather than not enjoying the act.

Well mine was partly because of fear of intimacy (I was a young nerd) and also partly because of my christian upbringing that taught me to consider sex a dirty and sinful act.

[IrishGuy]

First off if my friend were asexual I would be rather perplexed. That said, I find it hard to believe that there are many genuinely asexual people out there. I think evolution would have weeded them out.

However, that assumes that the behavior is genetic in origin. I rather suspect that asexual tendencies are a product of society. These individuals could simply be responding to our hyper-sexual society in a manner different than the rest of society. Instead of increasing their sex drive they become desensitized to all things sexual and no longer feel anything.

---------- Post added 07-26-2010 at 02:42 PM ----------

I should add that this does not mean we should be intolerant towards people who are asexual. I am just hypothesizing its origin.

[True Rune]

fear of sex? what?

[Mayhem]

It depends. If they were ugly, I would be fine with it. If they were attractive, it would be a source of blue balls and I would avoid them.

[Felix90]

No offense, but I would recommend her to seek out medical or psychological counsel because this could indicate some deficiency or a lack of particular hormones, asexuality is not a sexual orientation but a symptom in my opinion.

[Mogura]

Guys, what would be your thoughts if your female friend (not girl friend, just somebody you go for walks with, play sports, etc.) would tell you she is asexual?
It wouldn't bother me... unless I had a romantic interest in her... :laugh:

I would be concerned/interested as to why she is asexual. Sexual abuse? Hormonal imbalance? Bad dating record (anger/frustration/disappointment)? I've had many female friends joke about being asexual or celebate, but usually it was their lame attempt to exert some influence on a love life gone out of control...

[Mind Marauder]

Like many have said, I don't really think it matters that much. I'd try as hard as possible not to be attracted to them because it wouldn't work. It would be interesting, though. I may be somewhat shy at times, but I can't really deny that I enjoy sexuality so it would interesting to talk to someone that truly was asexual. I often wonder though, how many people are really asexual, and how many are just because they are extremely shy and or nervous around the opposite sex?

---------- Post added 07-27-2010 at 06:51 PM ----------

This is what I believe most men think:

Yeah, well, MY dick could fix her!

Hahahaha! Well, I don't know if I'd think that... but it would be hard not to think something along those lines like, "Maybe I'm the one for her." But as I said before, if it became obvious that there were no feelings I'd try as hard as possible just to leave her alone other than polite conversation/discussion.

[shytiger]

My attraction toward that person didn't make me want to have intercourse with him. I did sort of fantasize about watching him sweep the floor with a push broom, but that was basically it.


That's normal. My wife has that fantasy about me all the time.

I think an asexual woman could be a good friend without all the sexual tension that a lot of male/female friendships have.

[Damien Black]

That's normal. My wife has that fantasy about me all the time.

I think an asexual woman could be a good friend without all the sexual tension that a lot of male/female friendships have.


I always find a way to create sexual tension, even if it is one-sided.

[Zsych]

Slight decrease in interest probably.

[ChrisUK]

Wow - I'm rather shocked by some of the responses here! I just can't see why it matters. You're not into sex, well I'm not into soccer. On the assumption that I wasn't planning to sleep with you, and you weren't planning to play soccer with me, what's the problem?

I guess there's an underlying assumption here that us guys only communicate with girls if we want to sleep with them. Well, if you're that kind of guy, then I feel sorry for you - you're missing out on the possibility to be friends with half the human race. And us INTJs can't afford to be ruling out too many friends...

[comamind]

I guess there's an underlying assumption here that us guys only communicate with girls if we want to sleep with them. Well, if you're that kind of guy, then I feel sorry for you - you're missing out on the possibility to be friends with half the human race.
And you certainly seem to write under the assumption that "missing out" on this possibility is a choice those guys take.

I can only speak for myself but try to think about it as if "we" don't have a choice and therefore simply follow our instincts/cravings/desires.

And us INTJs can't afford to be ruling out too many friends...
I certainly can.

[GouldFan]

INTJ female here... if there were asexual females, they would be great as friends. I hate listening to my friends with relationship crisis. They talk as if it really mattered, and I believe it matters to them a LOT, but our interaction could be more productive if all that crap :dozey: can be cut out of the conversation.

[Anubis]

To put it quite "coldly",
I only need sex for the reproductive appeal, and even that's not completely true.
If a female would tell me she is asexual but still wants/doesn't mind a child, I'd be happy to donate my sperm for invitro. Although I would either have to have the ability to teach the child after birth or have an effect on its life or otherwise not have any financial connection to it.
Other than that sex is just a form of entertainment, if I get bored with it or find something better, I'll change my preferences as with any form of entertainment, and to me entertainment usually comes when something is interesting.

As to being friends with a female asexual or sexual, why not? I have no problems "just being friends" with someone aslong as the lines are clear and there won't be any drama over misunderstood signals.

Oh and porn is boring. :p

[Damien Black]

To put it quite "coldly",
I only need sex for the reproductive appeal, and even that's not completely true.
If a female would tell me she is asexual but still wants/doesn't mind a child, I'd be happy to donate my sperm for invitro. Although I would either have to have the ability to teach the child after birth or have an effect on its life or otherwise not have any financial connection to it.
Other than that sex is just a form of entertainment, if I get bored with it or find something better, I'll change my preferences as with any form of entertainment, and to me entertainment usually comes when something is interesting.

As to being friends with a female asexual or sexual, why not? I have no problems "just being friends" with someone aslong as the lines are clear and there won't be any drama over misunderstood signals.

Oh and porn is boring. :p

Porn is only boring if all your doing is watching.

[JeffersonFawkes]

Asexuality, is the lack of interest in and desire for sex. It's not a temporary thing, more like sexual orientation.
To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.

Guys, what would be your thoughts if your female friend (not girl friend, just somebody you go for walks with, play sports, etc.) would tell you she is asexual?

There was one point in time that I was striving for this, so its something I can understand.

I do think that if she decides she wants to be sexual that their are diet changes she can make. For example salmon, cabbage, spinach, and for women soy nut butter all build testosterone which burns fat and increases sex drive.

However she chooses to seek happiness is her business.

[Marcus Septim]

Nothing!!!

[Zsych]

I think that even with a girl you're never intending to have any romantic relations with, there's a little bit of some kind of sexual interest. Like if I find out a girl is a lesbian, it may not affect my being friends, but there's a small emotional change in attitude.