What type is your partner? [Archive]

Alida

04-10-2008, 12:19 PM

Does type even enter into people's minds when they consider their partner?

I don't think about it consciously; but I've observed that most of the men I've felt attracted to have been types with Ti. (xxTPs, basicaly) I find their undecisiveness stimulating; they're more of a chalenge that way. Especially the Introverts.

INTJs make the best one-night stands. :thumbsup:

I have SJ types as good friends, but I feel no attraction.

F types are boring.

and SPs.... too unreliable.

I don't think about their type in letters when I make these decisions - but in retrospect, I can see how my decisions correpond to the letters.

Scantilyclad

04-10-2008, 12:41 PM

I'm engaged to an INTJ.

F types are boring.

and he doesn't think i'm boring.;)

chasintrail

04-10-2008, 12:53 PM

ISFJ. I feel your pain. I only want to strangle her alternate days!

It sounds like you have a bright future together.

It's an improvement. Most guys I end up wanting to shoot!

Actually, he's a great guy. I just have many moments where I realize that he's not having the same conversation that I am. That's where it gets entertaining trying to explain my thought process to him :rolleyes:

Antares

04-10-2008, 03:43 PM

ISFJ. I only want to strangle him on alternate weeks!

*applaud* *sarcastic voice* Wonderful!

ISFJ. I feel your pain. I only want to strangle her alternate days!

What's with people feeling the urge to strangle ISFJs? I only want to run from my mom. Strangling her has never crossed my mind.

TheLastMohican

04-10-2008, 03:44 PM

What's with people feeling the urge to strangle ISFJs? I only want to run from my mom. Strangling her has never crossed my mind.

Nice going, rwyatt. Now she has the idea in her head.

Antares

04-10-2008, 03:47 PM

Nice going, rwyatt. Now she has the idea in her head.

*puppy dog eyes*

TheLastMohican

04-10-2008, 03:48 PM

*puppy dog eyes*

Don't even try to fool me with those. I know your deviant nature.

chasintrail

04-10-2008, 04:12 PM

What's with people feeling the urge to strangle ISFJs? I only want to run from my mom. Strangling her has never crossed my mind.

Because shooting them makes too much of a mess in the house. I really hate to clean.

TheLastMohican

04-10-2008, 04:13 PM

Because shooting them makes too much of a mess in the house. I really hate to clean.

But then people tend to vomit while being strangled.

rwyatt365

04-10-2008, 04:48 PM

But then people tend to vomit while being strangled.
A good, tight garrotte with strong handles for leverage and proper technique will take care of that.

TheLastMohican

04-10-2008, 04:55 PM

A good, tight garrotte with strong handles for leverage and proper technique will take care of that.

But alas, many murderers are mere amateurs.

rwyatt365

04-10-2008, 05:01 PM

But alas, many murderers are mere amateurs.
Practice makes perfect! Try it out on annoying co-workers first.

TheLastMohican

04-10-2008, 05:08 PM

I prefer arsenic, actually.

(Isn't this all going a bit too far?)

rwyatt365

04-10-2008, 05:11 PM

One can only dream...

Rei

04-10-2008, 05:20 PM

Now why didn't I think of a poll...

Does type even enter into people's minds when they consider their partner?

I usually type them AFTER I find myself attracted.
Generally I find they're E_TJ's.

Anyway... first 'boyfriend' so-to-speak, was an ENFP. Needless to say, that didn't go far. Have been single ever since. :thumbsup:

I prefer arsenic, actually.

(Isn't this all going a bit too far?)
I'd contribute... but I don't think there's anyone I dislike that I care about enough to put effort in bringing about their demise.

sriv

04-10-2008, 06:08 PM

You should always think up one just in case. A poison, such as arsenic above mentioned, would be the easiest.

NewToWorld

04-10-2008, 06:39 PM

I am so glad somebody started this thread. I have long wondered about this. More detail on couple intereractions would be nice.

Here we have an XX INTJ with an XY INFP. Got married in grad school (Chem) which just shows that you can find all types everywhere.

My premarriage philosophy: Serial monogomy, as long as you don't marry them or have their children they can't ruin your life.

His premarriage philosophy: Some of my best friends are related to women.

How we got married. We went to bed, ate a few meals together and then I went off to do my research at a big government lab. After a couple of weeks, I made an appointment with a judge, called my INFP up and said, "Come up here on Friday at 4:00pm to get married." He did, we did.

My pet peeve: His tendency to take a comment like: "If I had known as much as I do now I would have joined A's reseach group instead of B's.", as a personal assault on his I.Q, academic performance, salary level and sexual capacity SIMULTANEOUSLY.

His pet peeve: "You look at me with icy hatred."

What he says he likes best about me, "The laughter."

What I like best about him, the warmth and acceptance.

So he likes it that I call him up at 3:00 am to sing a newly composed obscene song about our accountant and I like it that he likes it.

I point out that the song is a celebration my investment triumphs which mean we can now buy a house for cash. He says "Good, now we can get Domesticus (a cat).

I am now staying in a motel making sure that the community I have chosen based on a careful evaluation of climate, location, local economy and our most likely employment future is also a good fit sociologically. I am also evaluating local houses, local builders and local real estate agents. I have generated an econo-demographic model which suggests that the best time to make an offer will be next September.

He has ordered the cat.

I couldn't resist ending with the bit about the cat, but in fairness I must add that due to a progressive neurological disorder I would have been chosing between dumpsters instead of houses if my INFP didn't have the combination of technical expertise and people skills to earn singly more than the average two income family here in Seattle. And I don't think he has ever noticed that I have grown old and sick and grey and fall down a lot.

Also the cat is a specially designed hypo-allergenic model built by Allerca in Delaware which is why he has to be ordered so far in advance. I think paying so much for a cat is absurd by my INFP, reasoning with his heart as always says: "You want a cat. You have alleries. We have $6,000. I have ordered the cat. QED."

So my fellow INTJs logic and reason are fine stuff, but it is love and loyalty that elbow their way past a pretty young woman pick up a sick and aging wife who has fallen off the curb, again.

Those of you who wish to challenge my BMT based on the above, feel free to do so but be warned, I won't waste my time on any post which does not begin by an explantion of the relationship between an exact differential equation and a state function.

chasintrail

04-10-2008, 07:22 PM

But alas, many murderers are mere amateurs.

Plastic bag over the head. Works every time. Ummmmm, at least that's what I've read.

TheLastMohican

04-10-2008, 09:16 PM

Plastic bag over the head. Works every time. Ummmmm, at least that's what I've read.

In my experience, it's pretty tough to get the plastic bag to stay on the head and stay airtight, unless you have a vacuum seal...er...I've read stuff like that, I mean...er...forget it.

How about getting back on topic?

fuzein

04-10-2008, 09:31 PM

INFJ, I'm surprised to see quite a few others with this same choice. Unfortunately, with our combination we are a very unsocial couple.

I am a little afraid of what will happen when we have children because we both really enjoy our alone time.

acyckowski

04-11-2008, 06:52 AM

I am a little afraid of what will happen when we have children because we both really enjoy our alone time.

Tell 'em to go outside or send them to their rooms. Helps them develop independence, and keeps the house clean. Win-win.

ElstonGunn

04-11-2008, 08:01 AM

I don't know if it counts as a relationship, but I'll just pretend that it does and go with ESFJ.

outrider

04-13-2008, 06:27 PM

It most probably has been said before but I was curious as to what type the majority of people here are attached to.

ISFP

Darkmist

04-13-2008, 06:45 PM

ENTP for 24 topsy turvy, argumentative years and yet, oddly we both stick with it and admit to seeing the benefits. He understands me when few do, sometimes too much, or in a way he tries to twist to his benefit. Note I said tries.

He is intelligent and open which I love. But he tells me that my interests bore him. Mysticism, history, linguistics, what could be boring about that? Heh, heh. (He loves new things, new technology, new experiences and can wander off a side street that puts him in the dark far too quickly. I believe I am his balance, and likely he's mine . . . even if I fantasize about a life on my own. Can't have it all, I guess.

Power struggle with a capital P, and passive aggressive with capital PAs. His E annoys me, as does his P. But I grew up with Fs and have had the misfortunate to suffer numerous of the S type. The NT I wouldn't trade for anything.

Zirka

04-13-2008, 07:26 PM

No relationships as of yet, so no partners.

pensivemuse7

04-15-2008, 10:56 PM

Relationship with INTJ right now.
Thinking back on guys I liked or dated: INTP, INTJ, ENTJ, ENTP

OddFactor

04-16-2008, 12:47 AM

Mine took it three times today and got: INTP, INFP, and ISTJ; I have no idea why. She took the Similar Minds test for the first two and the human metrics test the third time. She thinks she's the exception to the tests and is annoyed by some of the questions because she doesn't care or see why they're being asked... as a social psych student and someone who just finished a lecture about making such tests I was a tad peeved at her reactions toward it. Part of me thinks she's cheating in a way...

merid

04-16-2008, 01:44 AM

Part of me thinks she's cheating in a way...

What would be the reason to cheat?

OddFactor

04-16-2008, 01:46 AM

What would be the reason to cheat?

I don't know. She has a lot of insecurities and is self-conscious about a few things so it may be that she can't answer some of the questions from the perspective of what she really is but of how she thinks she should be or wants to be. Just a thought.

Antares

04-16-2008, 02:00 AM

Right now, if I must choose one type that I would want to date, it's definitely ENTP.

merid

04-16-2008, 02:08 AM

I don't know. She has a lot of insecurities and is self-conscious about a few things so it may be that she can't answer some of the questions from the perspective of what she really is but of how she thinks she should be or wants to be. Just a thought.

I can't think of the name off the top of my head, I think it is TRI. That is a good test for temperment and unless you blatantly lie, it is a truthful test.

In case I got the name wrong, it is the test where you plot yourself on a triangle, testing your analytical, altruism and task mindedness.

panda

04-16-2008, 02:23 AM

ISFP

Good to know somebody got ISFP too...

it's really the opposite of me though we share a lot of same interests.. ;D

OddFactor

04-16-2008, 02:30 AM

I can't think of the name off the top of my head, I think it is TRI. That is a good test for temperment and unless you blatantly lie, it is a truthful test.

In case I got the name wrong, it is the test where you plot yourself on a triangle, testing your analytical, altruism and task mindedness.

Hm, I googled for it but no luck.

merid

04-16-2008, 02:39 AM

It is the TRI self-discovery process. I can't seem to find a place to take the test though. I did it through my girlfriend's dad who had to do it for the forces.

Basically you have twenty questions. Each with three statements which you have to grade out of ten, for how much you associate with them. Ten questions you answer when calm and ten questions you answer when stressed.

You then add up each column for the first ten questions then the second set of ten(the three statements are the columns) which gives you three numbers.

You then plot when calm on the triangle, the three numbers work as a grid reference. Then you plot yourself when stressed. Then there is some talking, saying what you are like.

I go from deeply analytical to very task minded. I imagine most INTJ's would be the same.

Caramel

04-16-2008, 04:11 AM

ENFP.

I'm always instantly attracted to ENFPs and ENTPs. Sigh..their enthousiasm, their intelligence, their wit..:lovestruck:

enigma

04-16-2008, 10:01 PM

i'm single...
ex: INFP

INTP, works well although he never gets to the point ;-) :laugh:

outrider

04-17-2008, 05:31 AM

Good to know somebody got ISFP too...

it's really the opposite of me though we share a lot of same interests.. ;D

Exactly. I find it rather restful.

strangeaslife

04-17-2008, 08:55 AM

I'm currently with an ESFP.
Aahhhhh... Yes.

It's... interesting. Known each other for going on 5 years, have been in a blurry "is this a relationship or isn't it?" phase for the last 2 of those years, now have been "officially" together for going on 8 months.
Supposedly if it isn't "true love" things are supposed to die out at around 8 months... Whole pituitary glad thing.

Some things that drive me nuts about her (not in the good way):
- She doesn't communicate well. When I have something to say I try to articulate my words so I get across the point that I mean to get across. Often when we are working through conflict she'll change her story about how she feels up to 3 or 4 times because before she didn't "get it right".

- Honestly I could go on and on about communication. It just sucks. We're perpetually "working on it".

- Her way of giving support and advice. It's always, "You can do it! Try hard and you can do anything!" ... Except.. I need help right now. That's not help. Or her demands, "don't be [fill in blank here]." Every time she says that I want to scream BUT I AM! I AM DAMN IT!

- The tendency to look at everyone as a friend or an enemy (although much less frequently). If someone is good, they are always REALLY REALLY GOOD. They're WONDERFUL! They're THE BEST PERSON EVERRRRRRRRR!!

- Can take some of my criticisms too much to heart.

Good things:
- When she finally gets the point that advice and support to me mean helping to analyze things from different angles and solve problems, she is actually a wonderful problem solver. I adore her way of going about things and her way of planning things and looking at situations. We really click in this area.

- She's extremely tolerant. When everyday problems or bumps in life come up (that aren't emotional... if they are emotional her reaction is just the opposite of what I'm about to say) she doesn't complain and deals with it. This can be good or bad... Because there have been times that something has been wrong and she has not told me until a long time after the whole thing was done and over with.

- Hilarious.

- Kind of tying in with the first point under this category, she can also be very direct at times, almost to the point of being too harsh, but I prefer that. It's definitely a breath of fresh air from her indecisiveness over what her side of the issue is.

So that's that...
This is my first relationship so if/when things fall apart and years and years later I find someone new, I'll come back to this board and make a second post.

Motor Jax

04-17-2008, 10:25 AM

an ESTP

mental drift

04-17-2008, 07:42 PM

Married to an ESFP, four beautiful children. Marriage has been pretty good overall. Worst part of the marriage has been after her hysterectomy, an emotional woman with a hormone imbalance is pretty rough, once the meds were straightened out back to normal whew
I find myself attracted to the ESFx types irregardless, I think it's their simplicity, love, and joy with life.

OddFactor

04-18-2008, 12:56 AM

Upon further consideration, she's an INTP.

Darkmist

04-20-2008, 04:38 PM

ENFP.

I'm always instantly attracted to ENFPs and ENTPs. Sigh..their enthousiasm, their intelligence, their wit..:lovestruck:

Not to mention ENFP's feeling which is sky high and needs constant stroking (though I have one for a daughter and I do love her, she is wrapped into herself alot) and ENTP's yeah, yeah we can do anything that peters into can't think ahead or finish anything.

But they do seem to connect with me. As long as I have my distance. And some major control.

Wolfgod

04-21-2008, 12:15 PM

INTP.

Re-lurking.

AliciaS2R

04-21-2008, 09:31 PM

Szarra

04-22-2008, 10:22 AM

I've been married to an INTJ for 13 years now. I guess I'm just a glutton for punishment. ;)

outrider

04-24-2008, 10:06 AM

A 27 year relationship with an ISFP, according to "MY Type" on Facebook that is supposedly INTJ's Supplement (To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.)

I read that, too. Minimal natural conflict, correct?

We have found that to be true, and, since neither of us enjoys conflict, controversy, drama, or anxiety, this is also a strength of our relationship.

ElstonGunn

04-25-2008, 06:42 PM

I find myself attracted to the ESFx types irregardless, I think it's their simplicity, love, and joy with life.

I hear that. I guess I could go for an ISFx too, assuming that she's not even half as withdrawn and unsocial as I am. It'd be bad juju if she were.

Amity

04-25-2008, 09:16 PM

ENTJ.

And it's true nerd love.

My fiancé often says or does that which I am only thinking about saying or doing, and at twenty-seven years of age, he is not above constructing the occasional couch-cushion fort. Or an impromptu, obsessive-compulsive 3-D SketchUp of our apartment. Generally, it's his job to do stuff, and my job to stand there and daydream contribute guidance, such as, "You're doing it wrong" "It might be more effective to spend additional time synthesizing the appropriate factors to gain a deeper understanding of the situation... and then do it my way". He is a bit of a bulldozer, socially, and says what I would keep to myself for the sake of diplomacy ("Michael, you were supposed to wait until we got back into the car to say what I was on my your mind, so we could laugh at it together in secrecy. It was almost funny enough to have been worth never being invited back and remaining friendless, but next time, when I give you the Death Stare, heed my warning"). Other than that, and his tendency to make life-altering decisions quickly and without consulting me, it's as close to Nerdvana as I can get without being engaged to marry myself. People who don't get to know him might think of him as a bitter pill, but that's just because they haven't experienced his inner nougat of soft, sweet, loyal affection.

lordrrr

04-26-2008, 08:54 PM

Not in a romantic/dating relationship right now.

lordrrr added to this post, 0 minutes and 45 seconds later...

And I hope I never will be

Blendy

04-27-2008, 11:02 PM

ENTP for 24 topsy turvy, argumentative years and yet, oddly we both stick with it and admit to seeing the benefits. He understands me when few do, sometimes too much, or in a way he tries to twist to his benefit. Note I said tries.

Power struggle with a capital P, and passive aggressive with capital PAs. His E annoys me, as does his P. But I grew up with Fs and have had the misfortunate to suffer numerous of the S type. The NT I wouldn't trade for anything.

I SO relate to this, having been with an ENTP for 9 years and counting.

DrEast

04-28-2008, 11:27 AM

Not in a romantic/dating relationship right now.

lordrrr added to this post, 0 minutes and 45 seconds later...

And I hope I never will be

Heh heh heh.

You're funny, kid. Your time will come.

Erika Redmark

04-28-2008, 03:22 PM

I kind of suck at typing people, but I think (after reading stuff about the functions on the Lenore Wiki and elsewhere) that my boyfriend is an INFP. I'd never been in a relationship before in my life (this is my first year of college, so I'd been in *horror* high school until about a year ago)–I therefore have nothing to compare this experience to; but it works, it's good, I like our dynamic.

True Rune

04-29-2008, 12:45 AM

I'd guess ENTP. But I don't know.

Edeag

05-01-2008, 11:25 PM

Never been in a relationship, don't plan on being in one for quite a while. The idea of so many new, unexpected feelings freaks me out.

hongi

05-02-2008, 07:44 AM

INFP - 23 years 1 - 5 year old

Have definitely had our ups and downs . . . understanding the "F" does drive me to distraction at times!

curiousjane

05-02-2008, 10:17 AM

F types are boring.

:speechless:

I beg your pardon! :laugh:

wiccademic

05-05-2008, 10:24 AM

*chuckle* either we're in a relationship with someone that understands us or not at all. lol *looks for the dating thread...*

Saerzi

05-07-2008, 12:05 PM

ISFJ

Frag

05-09-2008, 08:44 AM

INTJ.

Love thyself. :D

meanlittlechimp

05-09-2008, 12:41 PM

Power struggle with a capital P, and passive aggressive with capital PAs. His E annoys me, as does his P. But I grew up with Fs and have had the misfortunate to suffer numerous of the S type. The NT I wouldn't trade for anything.

Do you think another INTJ would be more ideal, since the E and P are the only things that annoy you occasionally?

Wish the poll showed the original MBTI type of the poll taker. Since many are here with INTJ partners who aren't INTJs themselves. I'm curious as to how the INTJ-INTJ pairing has worked out for others.

Mine took it three times today and got: INTP, INFP, and ISTJ; I have no idea why. She took the Similar Minds test for the first two and the human metrics test the third time. She thinks she's the exception to the tests and is annoyed by some of the questions because she doesn't care or see why they're being asked... as a social psych student and someone who just finished a lecture about making such tests I was a tad peeved at her reactions toward it. Part of me thinks she's cheating in a way...

The tests are 70% accurate at best, I think it's far lower. The best way is type them yourself, if you understand all the types well enough. Or if you stick to the tests, have them read the various descriptions and self identify from the multiple results (try to rule out ones you know are wrong, you should be able to eliminate some of the erroneous possibilities).

Going by the tests alone, is going to make many think the whole thing is ridiculous, when the results are wrong. I know I did, when I first took the test. I've seen introverts who say they are social at parties (because they are usually drunk). The S/N questions especially mistype folks. Some people are simply unaware of themselves and think they're energetic when they're not, etc .

ENFP.

I'm always instantly attracted to ENFPs and ENTPs. Sigh..their enthousiasm, their intelligence, their wit..:lovestruck:

Do you find ENTJs and ENFJs have less wit, intelligence, enthusiasm, etc?

Darkmist

05-09-2008, 06:30 PM

By numerous tests in both socionics and MBTI, I sail through as INTJ. Now, I have had some experience dealing with another INTJ, though not romantically. He is my adult son. We get along great and of the four members of my immediate family, we boast no fights in all of our years together. But I do see the possibility of such if we were in an intimate relationship. Male INTJs can be very opinionated and stubborn. Hmm, as I can be.

Over all though, if I met one not my own son, it might be pretty decent. But we'd be hermits to more of a degree than my husband and I are now.

ENTJs I don't know any of. ENFJ's, two I have an aquaintance with. One is female and sweet, very people-loving and into the fine things in life. The second my daughter works for . . . a male. She's ENFP. He has a lot of wit and enthusiasm, according to her, and does run a successful business. But more than superficial intelligence, I don't personally know the man, so I can't say. Neither, from knowing one and hearing about another, has struck me as stupid per say. More wrapped up in their own experiences of life and how they desire to share this perception fun with the world.

Frag

05-09-2008, 11:12 PM

I'm curious as to how the INTJ-INTJ pairing has worked out for others.
Have to agree to back down half the time. ;-)

But this seems a very small price, at least compared to an SJ or the like!

Terian

05-09-2008, 11:17 PM

N/A

Any ENFP ladies out there?

gyrogenerian

05-11-2008, 12:44 AM

INTJ. We often baffle each other but the N is what got us together and keeps us going. We are both bulldogs: no way would either of us ever admit the defeat of leaving the relationship. Failure is not an option. So when I feel emotional, he might not know what to say, but a couple of hours later he comes by and strokes my cheek. And when he looks forlorn, I remember that I have not noticed his efforts, and make a point to comment on what he has accomplished.

sm80403

05-11-2008, 01:14 AM

INTP, works well although he never gets to the point ;-)

Same here; although my INTP spouse keeps moving the "point" (target) around so yeah, he's hard to catch and I think doesn't want to be. . .intelligent to the point of excess so it's probably a game to him. Yes, agree to the strangulation approach on alternate weeks. . .I don't think he quite gets how INTJs love CLOSURE. . .

Roy G Biv

05-13-2008, 05:07 PM

INTP — and we are usually highly compatible.

Our biggest conflicts arise from finishing projects versus leaving them undone. I've been called rigid, while I sometimes can't help but think of my INTP as slightly unfocused.

rahdam

05-15-2008, 11:25 AM

Not currently attached, focus on work and professional progression. Last serious girlfriend was an ESFJ...drove me nuts, I dropped her like a bad habit when I got to know her better.

taoista

05-17-2008, 08:51 AM

ISFJ, I think.

The most lovable lady I´ve ever met. Will do anything for a friend in need. Got kilos of love to give, to anyone, and to me :)

Although, I think I want out :(

SongofSeptember

05-20-2008, 06:04 AM

Currently single. Ex: both ENFPs.

Antares

05-21-2008, 01:27 AM

Currently single. Ex: both ENFPs.

Dating your opposite type are we? So did I... It didn't turn out too well.

SongofSeptember

05-21-2008, 01:44 AM

Dating your opposite type are we? So did I... It didn't turn out too well.

Both were obnoxious, shallow-minded bastards. Technically, I didn't exactly date one of them, but we were interested in each other and open about it.

So much for the saying that "opposites attract".

Ironmind

05-21-2008, 05:06 AM

ESFJ!

Best match ever imo, love there love in life as well.
I'm living with an ESFJ for 5 years now, and know, I'll never leave her.

Solus

05-22-2008, 09:06 AM

Isn't it amazing/telling/sad that so many of us are currently "not in a relationship"?

tenspot

05-22-2008, 09:48 AM

After reading the descriptions for a third time, I am going to safely say my BF is ENFP. He will not take the test, he does not believe that people know themselves well enough to be typecast for a lifetime. I am hoping he is not saying he doesnt know himself well enough to take the test accurately.
I love him just the same and I am sure I will convince him otherwise.........;)

poisonkisses

05-24-2008, 09:46 PM

Both were obnoxious, shallow-minded bastards. Technically, I didn't exactly date one of them, but we were interested in each other and open about it.

So much for the saying that "opposites attract".
Opposites can intrigue perhaps, but similarities make for common interests and a solid foundation to build off of.

Synamon

05-25-2008, 01:27 PM

ESFJ, married 21 years and together 5 before that. It took 20 years to train him, marriage is a compromise after all and opposites do attract. Besides he's intelligent and makes a lot of money so I'll keep him.

Jesseh

05-26-2008, 05:43 PM

Technically I'm single since I refuse to give my man (he's mine. =| ) the satisfaction of a status. o_O *cringes* fellow INTJ. Por Que!? *power struggles* =| He's only 11% introvert though, and overly sensitive. o_O My other ex was an INTJ too, and we had more of a power struggle. O_o seriously I don't go out looking for them! I just find out they're INTJ's later =| I swear.

Firebert

05-28-2008, 05:37 PM

INFP...love her to death. Once they let you in, there's nobody more devoted to making the whole thing work. Although she's not T, she's still intelligent and likes to learn things from me and talk about dorky topics. Only thing that I have to watch myself with is making sure to take her F into account.

niffer

05-29-2008, 12:33 AM

I just found out that my latest ex is an ENFJ. And only a J by one point.

And I was so sure that he'd be an ESXX!!

ARRRGHARAGHRAGHRGHHH. I am so disturbed. I had little to no attraction to his personality at all.

Frex

05-29-2008, 05:35 PM

It's reassuring to see others having some long term success with their INFPs. I have been dating an INFP for 2 years now and I am crazy about him but it has also been very very difficult at times. We battle over the F/T. I think he's too emotional and sensitive and he thinks I am too insensitive and stoic. I am working on being more nurturing but it definitely doesn't come naturally. A lot of the time I feel like "the man" (traditional) in the relationship. Any other female INTJs feel this way?

strangeaslife

05-29-2008, 06:00 PM

Atremae

05-31-2008, 05:47 AM

INTJ - he is very loving but very shy.

Mercury

06-01-2008, 11:38 AM

My husband is an INFP. We have known each other for going on 14 years, been together for 12, and married for 9. We are well matched.

meanlittlechimp

06-09-2008, 01:05 PM

I wish I knew the type of the person getting polled.

Assuming that many are here because they are dating and INTJ (and not one themselves); it would be shocking to see so many INTJ-INTJ pairings.

Aven

06-09-2008, 04:50 PM

INTP and it's fun.

Oh yeah.

Oh my ex is an INTJ, he is now my BFF :}.

GrimWizard

06-10-2008, 01:08 PM

Heh, nope, no relationship found here. In fact I've invented a term for it. It's called "Terminally Single".

elsdfr

06-13-2008, 02:29 AM

A mid twenties ESFP which gets me places I'd never usually go. Conversations sometimes feels like I'm hitting my head against a wall so I have to be careful not to get her eyes rolling, but if her mood is right she is a great listener to my dribble. Also they have lots of friends who tell them stuff so I get to hear about all these other people and their messy lives. Its funny seeing how people seem to instantly enjoy her company which is a welcome change to my usual experiences. She also seems to enjoy trying to get me to react in social situations which is very uncomfortable soemtimes. The list goes on but its been great fun so far.

Kisai

06-13-2008, 04:23 PM

My wife of three years is an ISFP. She's like radioactively cute and perpetually six years old, but she's very strong and responsible inside.

xtremegeek

06-15-2008, 01:59 PM

Currently single. Ex: both ENFPs.

Been down that road before. It's exciting to date an 'opposite' for about 3 dates. It's all down hill from there. Now I know better, so I seek an introverted thinker to be with. It's harder to start a relationship with an IxTx, but it's more satisfying than an ExFx type.

ASUSharon

06-15-2008, 11:32 PM

i'm with an ISFP and i've discovered we compliment each other really well... but i tend to get frustrated with him when i'm trying to be serious and he cracks jokes to keep the mood light. he gets frustrated with me because i don't like physical contact as a means of comfort (like hugging or cudding) when i'm upset over something. other than those things, we work really well together.

elsdfr

06-16-2008, 12:04 AM

I sometimes wonder if the ESFP I'm dating is becoming more and more ISFP over time and I am becoming more extroverted. I feel guilty when I've become preoccupied with something and forgotten the time and she is sitting there trying hard to entertain herself. As I can see her extroverted nature as soon as we are out and amongst people she so obviously become energized by it all and this just adds to my concerns. Although I've asked her about this recently and she said she doesn't mine and that its about time she slowed down and spent more time doing things for herself which is a relief, for me anyway. So there is a definite trade off there which is kind of lucky. But this would perhaps make an ENTJ/ISFP relationship in the long run which seems a bit like a Dictator/Serf.

WindKin

06-16-2008, 10:30 PM

Well, after coaxing and proddy my girlfriend for the better part of two weeks, I got her to take test, and, suprise suprise, ENTP.

Which really didn't suprise me at all.

So far, it's been all sunshine, lollipops (lala, rainbows....) and such, with the occational argument breaking out when she gets one of her goey-feely days :p

But really, you live with that, all things considering ^_^
Dunno what my last one was, but I definately wanted to strangle her on a regular basis, not just bi-weekly :P

SiMey

06-17-2008, 06:34 AM

I'm amazed to see so many of us in relationships. It looks like some of us do get out and socialise or get hunted down by our partners.

Erika Redmark

06-17-2008, 11:29 PM

I'm amazed to see so many of us in relationships. It looks like some of us do get out and socialise or get hunted down by our partners.

Part of me is happy about being in a relationship, but it's a mixed bag: my boyfriend and I are in college. He's older than I am, and he'll graduate next year. He doesn't live anywhere near where I live or the school, and it's a safe bet that he won't go to graduate school nearby either. I'm not optimistic about our relationship surviving after he graduates (he says he's not good at keeping in touch with people; I'm not really either). So my worry is this: what if I've found my soul mate, and what if I never see him again and there's never anyone else? (I daydream that we'll get married in ten years or whatever and live happily ever after…but the chances of that actually happening are small.) It would be pretty ironic…some people go through life without ever finding anyone they could call their "soul mate", some do have someone like that and live happily ever after, but I might be in the category of people who meet someone they consider their soul mate but with whom they can't live happily ever after (in my case, it would be because they met at the wrong time, when they're still young and their paths diverge).

elsdfr

06-18-2008, 07:39 AM

So my worry is this: what if I've found my soul mate, and what if I never see him again and there's never anyone else? (I daydream that we'll get married in ten years or whatever and live happily ever after…but the chances of that actually happening are small.) It would be pretty ironic…some people go through life without ever finding anyone they could call their "soul mate", some do have someone like that and live happily ever after, but I might be in the category of people who meet someone they consider their soul mate but with whom they can't live happily ever after (in my case, it would be because they met at the wrong time, when they're still young and their paths diverge).

To me soul mates are like religion; ideas created to sooth the pain of life.

And what are relationships? Over developed emotional and communication systems to help guise the self serving need of procreation?

If you are INTJ and single I don't blame you. I'm not sure I can be anything else (in the long run) either. Well not in this mood anyway. lol

Erika Redmark

06-18-2008, 05:00 PM

To me soul mates are like religion; ideas created to sooth the pain of life.

Hence the fudge words like "calling" someone your soul mate or "considering" someone your soul mate…I didn't use them every time to avoid repetition. There's only so many ways you can say that. I guess I could have worded it better, like "what if soul mates exist and that's what he is?" or, if they don't, just "what if I never see him again and I never meet anyone in the future for whom it is the case that our mutual feelings for each other are like this?"

Eric86

06-20-2008, 12:49 AM

Hence the fudge words like "calling" someone your soul mate or "considering" someone your soul mate…I didn't use them every time to avoid repetition. There's only so many ways you can say that. I guess I could have worded it better, like "what if soul mates exist and that's what he is?" or, if they don't, just "what if I never see him again and I never meet anyone in the future for whom it is the case that our mutual feelings for each other are like this?"
I've felt that way at times, though I noticed that it really affected me negatively; since I'm generally a very optimistic person, and for something that's very important to me and feel very strongly about to have that sense of hopelessness ingrained into it was not good at all. It hurt my confidence a lot, amplified my depression (which I think is mostly clinical, though I haven't gotten it checked out yet), and made me even more shy than I already was, to the point where I hardly ever talked to anyone, and I always felt that most people would not want anything to do with me anyways.

The friends that I've made at my current job (been working there for almost a year now) have helped me realize just how self-defeating that way of thinking is, and they've supported me a lot in reversing the effects it's had on me. They've told me that I've changed a lot, like I'm a totally different person from when I first started working there: I have way more confidence, and am a lot more comfortable in dealing with people and starting conversations (though sometimes it's still hard...I can still be pretty shy, and I get embarrassed rather easily, but I try my best to be determined to not let that get in the way, especially in showing others that I care about them....many times, these difficulties only make my feelings even stronger, to the point where they can break through those walls all on their own to reach the ones that I love.). Consequently, other people notice that, and feel that I'm a lot easier to approach now. Having a more positive attitude and more confidence is a big factor in how attractive you are, so more people [who wouldn't otherwise do so] are more likely to find you interesting and perhaps even want to become a part of your life. I'm pretty sure you can figure out what to do from there.....;)

Keeping that in mind, the destructive and constricting nature of the mindset of "What if I never find anyone else like this?" becomes apparent. It's really all just needless worrying. I definitely understand where you're coming from, but if you really step back and think about it, it's slowly hurting you from the inside out, which is why it can be hard to notice. It also lessens your chances (or at least makes things wayyyyy more difficult) of finding someone to be with. Believe me, dear, I've been there....just throw it out the window! You'll be very glad you did. :)

I really hope this helps you! ;D

Havoc

06-20-2008, 10:46 AM

The biggest love of my life was an ESFP. I know, I know... but it was as though I were addicted. I couldn't get enough of him, but an extended withdrawal cured that. The relationship ended badly, but left a huge impression.

Now I'm with an ENFP -- we drive each other crazy. Ah, love...

True Rune

06-20-2008, 05:54 PM

ESFP, ...how did that happen?
Well, maybe that's why I saw it never lasting before it began.

Indubitably

06-20-2008, 06:10 PM

Well, I'm an INTP (although borderline ENTP) and I find that INTJs do tend to be one of the few types that I don't become bored of within a month or two. I've had one girlfriend who was an INTJ, and have a friend who is as INTJ as it gets, and we.. well, its complicated, but lets just say we are still good friends (if not closer), regardless of said complications. That said, they are the only two INTJs I am aware of having ever encountered.

On a related note, while I generally get along wonderfully with them, and feel both types are much more similar than they are different, I have almost entirely given up on trying to directly convince INTJs that they should try something different once they have made up their mind. This apparent impas is however easily circumvented by simply framing one's suggestions over the course of a few separate discussions. Through bringing up seemingly unrelated subjects that are really just reflections of your original suggestion, they will eventually recognize the core nature of your argument and, provided it truly is more efficient, they will take it upon themselves to implement it without so much as asking you. Don't be deceptive about it, just give them the suggestion in small doses, and allow them to come to the conclusion on their own. This approach must however, be used exclusively as a preemptive strategy; if they have heard your argument before hand, and dug in their heels anyway, they will smell this tactic a mile away and the gig is up.

Im not sure, but I suspect the same approach may work just as well for INTJs who have easily frustrated and or just plain stubborn INTP mates. Ultimately if you can just find some common ground, and communicate on a meaningful level, it can be a very gratifying relationship, you just need these little workarounds for those times when you both decided to be stubborn jackasses about something.

Either way, I definitely find it difficult to get excited about a relationship with non XNTX types. I don't need my mates to agree with me on everything, I'd almost prefer that they don't, but they do need to at least "get it".

Erika Redmark

06-20-2008, 10:51 PM

Keeping that in mind, the destructive and constricting nature of the mindset of "What if I never find anyone else like this?" becomes apparent. It's really all just needless worrying. I definitely understand where you're coming from, but if you really step back and think about it, it's slowly hurting you from the inside out, which is why it can be hard to notice.

Yeah, thanks for that. An attitude of "everything is bittersweet" is probably not all that helpful. I was pretty amused when reading today's XKCD comic: To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.

Eric86

06-21-2008, 12:32 AM

hahaha, that's great!

I'm very glad that what I said was useful for you. :)

Ainegue

06-24-2008, 11:08 AM

Gah, sometimes I feel so left out in these conversations that I know nothing about...

I got bored and started reading.

Just random things I noted:
66 people here are in a relationship with an E
78 people here are in a relationship with an I
Most dislike xSFJs and ENFPs.
Most like ESFJs, xNFPs, xNTJs.

Since I don't know what it's like to be in an actual relationship, I think i'll just move on to another thread... *tiptoes away*

Bandit

06-24-2008, 12:05 PM

"Idiot" wasnt a choice....

Astra

06-27-2008, 03:50 PM

it would be shocking to see so many INTJ-INTJ pairings.

Noooo, it works really well, honest. This forum is full of INTJs complaining that they feel out of step with the rest of humanity - when you find another one just like you, it's such a breakthrough to be able to communicate on the same wavelength.

EternalOblivion

06-30-2008, 11:50 AM

I voted ENFP, though technically I'm not in a relationship, because I broke up with him on saturday. I liked how our differences were very complimentary to eachother, and how we were both intense in our own ways. I haven't found very many who could be described as "intense" without being alienating. It was difficult handling emotions, though, since he had very strong emotions all the time, and mine were fleeting and would often go unnoticed. I tend to get drowned in the strong waves of people's emotions and then introvert and become emotionally unavailable -- like a cold, hollow shell. In the end, it wasn't our differences that tore us apart, but how we dealt with life's problems.

Musicguy

06-30-2008, 01:46 PM

Married 26 years to ESFP.

Knew nothing about type prior to marriage. Began the study of type when she and I were 28 and 29 years of age (seven years of marriage).

Monte314

07-01-2008, 04:40 PM

I have been married to an INFJ for 32 years. She's the best.

Linwenilid

07-04-2008, 09:06 PM

Deadgod

07-05-2008, 10:42 AM

I'm married to ENFP, and it's not heaven, despite of what personalitypage (To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.) says. But I love him very much, and he loves me, so we're fine.

And who says it's supposed to be heaven? I think the basic idea of a relationship is to provide different inputs for each other. It can get "annoying" or "frustrating" but I think that it would be worth it.
I'm not in a relationship for the same reasons TheLastMohican stated, except that the feeling of not wanting to be in a relationship or to be in a relationship fluctuates (some kind of twisted romantic Hamlet I am lol). I'm always looking for a rational approach to these kind of things, despite the fact that I don't know much about social relationships, and these journeys to find these rational approaches always end with me reasoning not to get into a relationship. Put simply: I'm not willing to take the risk.

Gwynde

07-05-2008, 01:44 PM

None, dunno last. And recently I got interested in a person who was posting for that individual's MB score. Seemed kind of intriguing. Like HO! Stop! You've never seen that before, what is it, how does it work, will it work? And then when it doesn't I would just blame their "sign." Read: does it really develop you? Everything within moderation, mate. You got insight to a solution, but ya got the brains to make it happen?! Know what I mean?

schwartzie

07-06-2008, 04:59 PM

ENTJ..... He is a bit of a bulldozer, socially, and says what I would keep to myself for the sake of diplomacy ("Michael, you were supposed to wait until we got back into the car to say what I was on my your mind, so we could laugh at it together in secrecy. It was almost funny enough to have been worth never being invited back and remaining friendless, but next time, when I give you the Death Stare, heed my warning"). ... it's as close to Nerdvana as I can get without being engaged to marry myself. People who don't get to know him might think of him as a bitter pill, but that's just because they haven't experienced his inner nougat of soft, sweet, loyal affection.

LOL...Amity, this is very funny. Thanks. Your description triggered a line of thought for me: I'm not "in" a relationship, but am enjoying the sampler platter just now. I've begun "dating" fellow 30+ yr old (actually, since I'm choosing, its more like I'm having interesting encounters, discussions, and arguments with 30+ yr. old) rationalists, including an ENTJ that was a lot like yours, Amity. Because of age, these MBTIs' secondary characteristics should be in full bloom. Cuz its slightly off topic-dealing with rationalist types that have had their F/S blooms--I put the post in the members' "over-30 thread."

JessicaHavenLea

07-07-2008, 05:28 AM

INTJ with an...INTJ...so he claims. I wonder, on a regular basis, how honest he was being when taking the test. As far as I can tell we are NOTHING alike.

gem

07-09-2008, 11:51 PM

I'm in a year long relationship with an ENTP and he's the best thing that's ever happened to me. We are both very laid back and in some weird way we can sort of "swap" traits back and forth to balance each other as needed.

ocop

07-11-2008, 10:29 PM

Coaxed her, GF of 3yrs, into taking the test a little while ago. ENFJ, although I thought I had her pegged for I (she can be less social than me, which is a feat unto itself... lol).

My god, everything in her life has to be so orderly, it's just not natural! But she's sharp enough to laugh at the J-compulsions (and makes for good conversation), not that I mind the time to sit inside my own head while she cleans.

Mercifully, one of the biggest potential problems, my desire for personal space/time, is functionally remedied by our wildly divergent circadian rhythms; I usually have 2-4 hours a night to myself to read/video game/daydream. Everyone has their issues, but all in all we work really well.

Shaz

07-12-2008, 03:01 PM

INTP, and I'm pretty sure my two exs are NTs as well (ENTP and XNTJ I think).

I wouldn't want to date an S.

I tend to find NFS too simplistic. I was about to write "not rational enough" :laugh:

My best friend is an ENFJ though and I think I can say I have been in love with him in the past. We are extremely similar except he's more confident and energetic than I am, a leader in his own way. Generally I tend to be attracted to over-confident bastards, not always a good thing, but he is very self confident without being selfish at all. We understand each other without words. We FEEL and experience the world in the same way (something that's often extremely important for an idealist, and that's why he's so precious to me) and it's something I will never find in a rational guy.
But if we were to date I think we could choke each other. It would be intense but it couldn't last.

I have so many interesting discussions with my boyfriend, we widen each other's perspective dramatically. I am fascinated by his T, and he by my F. I wish he had more of a social life though (he was my flatmate before we dated, otherwise we probably wouldn't have got close enough).

so I guess an ideal type for me would be ENTx (preferably P - I'm probably too stubborn for another J).

Very interesting topic by the way!!

le Duc

07-14-2008, 08:06 AM

After getting dumped by an ISTJ (for an ENFP, no less ~ of course, I didn't know MBti at the time), I swore off all relationships. Probably would still be that way if I hadn't met an ENTP who became my best friend (seven years and counting) and wife (almost five years).

Nanashi

07-15-2008, 11:16 PM

Isn't it amazing/telling/sad that so many of us are currently "not in a relationship"?

I was just thinking about it, but I decided I had to remember this is only the INTJs online. Who know their type. On this forum. On this thread. Whew! Yes. I need to hope tonight, and logic (Te and Ni) has safeguarded my Ni and Fi.

schwartzie

07-15-2008, 11:43 PM

Isn't it amazing/telling/sad that so many of us are currently "not in a relationship"?

well, no, not any of these things. I mean, look at the ages of the people here, as reported on the "how old?" thread. A substantial majority are of an age when it is not necessary to "be in a [single, monogamous, one and only, etc.] 'Relationship.'"

Esp. for young women, its wonderful that we have the option to not be in a relationship, and to do other things.

If we were all, say, 28-35, and eager for a single partner and kids, then being "in a relationship" would be, generally, a bigger deal.

Angellus

07-16-2008, 05:50 AM

Hmm, my current boyfriend is an ENTJ, one letter off from me. Where I lack (sometimes), that's what he is. We've been together for almost 4 months. He is by far the only person/guy that I've been this in love with. All the other guys were too weak-minded.

Gabriel Hussy

07-18-2008, 03:22 AM

ESTJ

FMSTER

07-19-2008, 07:31 AM

...to an ESTJ

Akkarin323

07-20-2008, 12:03 AM

In a relationship for 16months or so, with, from today's data (lol) an INFJ....kinda half matches what I'd expected, but then I've only been reading about all this for a day or two.

What I am going to do is go back and check what Deadgod was referencing when he mentioned not wanting to be in a relationship. My girl is still annoyed at me for taking 6 months of...what can be described of very close friendship (I don't think INTJs are known for their mass of friends, and she became one of two. And really it was closer than friendship...I just didn't want a relationship).

Dave C C

07-20-2008, 06:04 PM

INTJ - 15 years

Minxz

07-22-2008, 11:44 AM

Happily Married to an INTJ for 3.5 years

Jenny Penny

07-24-2008, 10:17 AM

I've been with ESTP boyfriend for about eight months now. It has been hard. He always wants to be around his friends, which gets on my nerves. He's also very stubborn in terms of making plans, even for the same day.

All of this gets on my nerves, but I think it would be workable if he were N. After this relationship runs its course, I will be sure to only get involved with Ns. I think I need the N commonality to feel both attracted and stimulated in the long run.

jakattack

07-25-2008, 06:09 PM

I am very suprised to see so many people with E partners. I have learned that E supposedly balances out I, but I don't think I could ever have a good relationship with one. I just cannot relate to someone that gets their energy from being around other people, and doesn't like being alone as much. I had a 2 1/2 year relationship with an E, and it was rediculous.

My not-quiet-yet partner is an INFP, a brilliant, amazingly talented graphic design major. I love that he thinks so far from the norm and seems very secure in himself and his views. He's very caring and a better listener than I, which is motivational for me as well.

Shaz

07-26-2008, 04:13 AM

I am very suprised to see so many people with E partners. I have learned that E supposedly balances out I, but I don't think I could ever have a good relationship with one. I just cannot relate to someone that gets their energy from being around other people, and doesn't like being alone as much. I had a 2 1/2 year relationship with an E, and it was rediculous.

It's funny. I'm only really attracted to Es. My current boyfriend is an I and it works only because we're a really good match otherwise, but it often bothers me. I'm not certain why, I have ideas but nothing that seems to be a sufficient reason in itself. I just hate the idea that my boyfriend would spend all his time on his own. Weird. I think my F has something to do with it. It makes me feel like the guy needs me too much or something, that I'm too central...:huh:

jakattack

07-26-2008, 03:37 PM

It's funny. I'm only really attracted to Es. My current boyfriend is an I and it works only because we're a really good match otherwise, but it often bothers me. I'm not certain why, I have ideas but nothing that seems to be a sufficient reason in itself. I just hate the idea that my boyfriend would spend all his time on his own. Weird. I think my F has something to do with it. It makes me feel like the guy needs me too much or something, that I'm too central...:huh:

Hm. I guess I can understand that a little, but I don't know what you mean when you say that you don't want him to spend all his time on his own, and that it would make you feel like he needs you too much. Unless you mean that you want him to be involved with other people, that you don't want your relationship to be his main social connection.

I just unintentionally seem to have more respect for people that like to think a lot, read, write, or express themselves in other creative ways like painting, all of which are pretty solitary activities, versus someone that would rather be around other people and gets his/her energy (and indirectly attitude, feelings and opinons) from the crowd.

Shaz

07-26-2008, 04:04 PM

Hm. I guess I can understand that a little, but I don't know what you mean when you say that you don't want him to spend all his time on his own, and that it would make you feel like he needs you too much. Unless you mean that you want him to be involved with other people, that you don't want your relationship to be his main social connection.

I just unintentionally seem to have more respect for people that like to think a lot, read, write, or express themselves in other creative ways like painting, all of which are pretty solitary activities, versus someone that would rather be around other people and gets his/her energy (and indirectly attitude, feelings and opinons) from the crowd.

You got it. The sentence before that didn't necessarily make sense, somehow I mistook introversion for shyness for a long time (it changed when I started meeting INTs, my boyfriend in particular) and I still have a hard time dissociating both (I do so rationally but my first reaction is still the old one). Being shy myself, and not happy about it, It's a big turn off for me. I think it's just a matter of balance and pheromones, or whatever.

I get your point about creativity. Very important to me too. Creative introverts are more common, but too close to what I am myself. I think what I like about creative extraverts is the fact that they can communicate and inspire people in a more direct way. I find it inspiring.

Would you say then that you are attracted to people more similar to you? A lot of INTJs seem to be attracted to other INTJs. I find it interesting. I would never date an INFJ. Actually I would find it hard to date any NF. But you guys seem to be happy with other rationals.
I wonder why? Any ideas? You talk about "respect" when I talk about "attraction". Do you think it has something to do with it? We NFs sometimes think with our guts...

Chaos

07-29-2008, 07:44 PM

I think I found the perfect relationship. My partner and I are both INTJ's. So far it is working out great.

Tigress

07-30-2008, 10:56 AM

Other INTJs are fascinating, but I think dating one would be difficult.
I'm dating an INTP and his P sometimes drives me crazy. He laughs at me and my plans, and I can get frustrated with his lack of them.
I definately fell in love mind first.

Gwargh

08-03-2008, 04:35 AM

ENFP and we're quite happy together. She loves spurting out random unfeasible ideas and I love creating theories to make them realistic. I get annoyed at her constant emotional outbreaks, but I've grown used to them, and she gets annoyed at my stone cold expression while Bambi's mom is being shot, but she's sort of grown used to that too.

In theory, I guess, what makes the relationship work is our mutual understanding of each other's differences. She has made me grow a lot in the direction of S and P though, which I'm not overly fond of but it doesn't make too much of a difference.

L30

08-04-2008, 03:33 AM

I'm dating an INTP and his P sometimes drives me crazy. He laughs at me and my plans, and I can get frustrated with his lack of them.
My ESxJ laughs at herself for planning everything, haha. I often make fun of her ways. Not on serious issue though, were I encourage her. I don't want to put her down with my usual skepticism.

6dbl5321

08-07-2008, 02:39 PM

I've never had a monogamous relationship and the last time I tried was almost four years ago with an INTP that lasted about ten months and only ended because of my pants constantly falling off.

There are two "friends" I've been seeing lately -- one's a definite ENFJ (as most women who are drawn to me, that I go for, and always the ones that end the worst) and the other's an INTJ that's A LOT like me (under 60% I and N, over 75% T, near 60% J). I've been seeing the INTJ since May and is quite possibly the best "friendship" I've had since the girlfriend from four years ago.

My closest friends are almost all INTPs and nearly ambiverted INTJs/ENTJs.

fwiw, my mother's was an INFJ who's become more of a nearly ambiverted ENFJ since her early 40's.

JustMel

08-08-2008, 10:03 AM

I'm with a ESTJ and it's the longest and by far easiest relationship I've ever had and I'm 33. We've been together 3.5 years now.

Drezden

08-10-2008, 12:41 AM

I'm really not surprised to see the high numbers for "not in a relationship". My last few attempts have gone down in flames which led me to take an extended break from even trying. But now its a little awkward because all of my friends are getting married or are entering the 4th or 5th year of a serious relationship.

What sucks is that I recently met another INTJ and we hit it off immediately, but she had already taken a job in California so was moving away. That would have been an extremely interesting experiment. But we've kept in touch so who knows, its a big wait and see at this point.

Deepdelver

08-12-2008, 08:07 PM

I married an ESFJ.

Colette

08-13-2008, 10:26 PM

I'm with a ESTJ and it's the longest and by far easiest relationship I've ever had and I'm 33. We've been together 3.5 years now.

Hmm you must have a nice one. Every ESTJ I've ever come across (whether male or female) has tried either to pull rank on me, or control me. They *have* to be right and they *have to* have their own way in all things. The other issue I have with ESTJs is they tend to bore me with long stories and anecdotes, or descriptions of things.

How does it work for the two of you?

L30

08-14-2008, 04:44 AM

I'm with a ESTJ girl too, since june 2007...

Every ESTJ I've ever come across (whether male or female) has tried either to pull rank on me, or control me. They *have* to be right and they *have to* have their own way in all things.
True, true.
Most of all I never take her seriously. I constantly throw jokes, make fun of her etc., I never allow her strong personality to create real conflict between us.
Usually I'm happy to leave petty details to her, sometimes I explicitly give her "missions". I try to take advantage of her serving nature but I explicitly retain the command. With this frame of mind somehow I have mostly tamed her, she's obedient, she knows that she must not overcome me. Most important, from the start I have made a rule that she must not poke her nose in my territory or my belongings, basically I don't allow her to do anything in my house except making the bed in the morning. Otherwise, given her attitude, I would have had a part time domestic tyrant by now -_-
Obviously her respect of my rules is rewarded with tons of very good love, the occasional bratty behaviour is dealt with playfully restoring the line, and the rare true lack of respect is treated utterly and mercilessly (I've done blunt things that my friends would consider heartless like leaving her crying in the middle of the road etc..).
So I'm strict with my ESTJ, but the results so far speak of themselves. All in all, I think that she needs structure and coherence, so she can relinquish control and be just a woman.

The other issue I have with ESTJs is they tend to bore me with long stories and anecdotes, or descriptions of things.
True, true! She loves talking about her childhood, her family, her hometown, things they do there. Somehow I like it. I even encourage her to go in narration mode. But I'm ISTP after all. And we meet only 2 times a week, so I have time to be active with my own interests.

How does it work for the two of you?
Great so far. But, as I stressed above, it wasn't automatic. If i let her "army sergeant" attitude go free we could easily end up fighting all the time, I could be drained and leave or I could surrender to her (many men are dominated by their women, it's a stable but not a desirable outcome!). I also know a lot about seduction theory, relationship dynamics, woman psychology.... I don't know about her level of personal refinement as a person and as an ESTJ, but about me, I'm certainly not your typical guy in a relationship: I usually understand what's going on and how to manage it for the better of us.

Fossick

08-18-2008, 04:38 PM

I've been married to an ISFP for 10 years. It's both good and bad.

The good: We are both strongly committed to raising our children. She's very loyal and a hard worker. Yes, she has the artistic side. She likes fun things and plans things I wouldn't. We both like low-conflict in our relationships.

The bad: Her lack of long-term planning drives me nuts. Her conflict avoidance means I don't always know if there is a problem. Being an INTJ, I can often figure it out, but still...

Two pieces of advice in dealing with an ISFP:
1. Remember to APPRECIATE them. Good advice for many types, but ISFP's in particular.
2. YOU must be in charge of financial planning/money.

Tim

08-20-2008, 12:30 AM

I'm wondering how 10% of the people surveyed managed to end up with other INTJs.

Given the "per capita" rarity of INTJs in the general populace, it seems odd that INTJs could meet each other with such frequency.

Of course, the results could be falsified.

But supposing they aren't, I'd like to hear how these INTJ couples managed to meet each other.

schwartzie

08-20-2008, 02:16 AM

I'm wondering how 10% of the people surveyed managed to end up with other INTJs. ... I'd like to hear how these INTJ couples managed to meet each other.
ok.
I met an INTJ who worked in a bookstore. He had good intuition, and recommended a book to me that I rather liked. I thought he was brilliant. ...

I found out later that he was actually back office--the store's accountant, but volunteered to work the front counter as a way to meet girls.

acyckowski

08-21-2008, 08:42 PM

I'm wondering how 10% of the people surveyed managed to end up with other INTJs.

Given the "per capita" rarity of INTJs in the general populace, it seems odd that INTJs could meet each other with such frequency.

It makes sense, if you don't look at "meeting opportunities" as being uniformly distributed. In other words, the real percentages of a guy INTJ going to a bar and picking up a girl INTJ can't possibly be as high as the demographic odds would suggest.

I would wager that most of us INTJ's gravitate towards "niche" activities or are passionate about similar "mainstream" activities, like reading (Thanks, Schwartzie!) Therefore, the odds of meeting go up...when you further consider that we INTJ guys typically have no game, we are more likely to seek (and therefore find) romance in the workplace or during our hobbies...and a common passion can readily become a mutual passion.

Taking your question in another direction, though, has anybody else noticed an uncommon affinity between Engineers and Accountants? Just before my wife and I were married, I went to one of her company functions...the majority of her female accounting peers were married to or involved with engineers. As I go through life, and meet other male engineers (My business has little to do with engineering, so it's not often) a large percentage of them are married to women with accounting/financial backgrounds. It seems too freaky to be coincidence.

lancelot

08-26-2008, 04:06 PM

I find it frustrating having a relationship with someone who doesn't think, or doesn't understand what I am talking about. I see people like sheep following the leader, if their basic needs are met they have little interest in truth, morality or honesty. People who are shallow and can't say wow 2+2=4.
Why can't people logically reason?

Where I work in Manhattan Beach, a homeless women was shot to death by police officers, it was later discoverd the woman had a screw driver.

I think it's wrong for these people to get excited about Rosa Parks, I mean unarmed people are being shot to death and no one is willing to protest. Honestly no one in the community even blinked an eye.

I could never have a relationship with a woman who is shallow or not concerned with fairness and morality; I could care less about her beauty, IQ, money or power, I would not have her!

AliTree

09-03-2008, 04:28 PM

i've been dating my boyfriend for a year and a half & he's technically a INTJ too, but very half and half INFJ. he's almost exactically half T and half F.

but i'm a mutt too. i'm close to being exactically half INTJ and half ENTJ. sooo i guess that's why we mix well. :]

Caramel

09-04-2008, 07:08 AM

The 24 of you that are in a relationship with an ESFJ, how do you manage being together without your household turning into a warzone? O_o*

Caramel added to this post, 47 minutes and 32 seconds later...

Do you find ENTJs and ENFJs have less wit, intelligence, enthusiasm, etc?

Oh sorry for not responding to this quote, I didn't see it untill now.

I can't really speak for ENFJs cause I've only been friends with one and that was during childhood (ages 3-14, before type becomes appearant) and it was a girl, but I have 3 male ENTJ friends, and could see myself being involved with two of them. (In an alternate universe where I don't have a relationship.)

ENTJs are very intelligent, no debate there. Their humor is very different from ENTPs and ENFPs though. ENTJs make perceptive, sarcastic and blunt comments, really quite dark and hard and could be considered offensive. I guess the nerdy word for it would be 'pwnd.'
People involved: MUWHAHAHA >=) vs WEEEEEH :'(.

ENTPs and ENFPs make equally perceptive comments, but they relate it more to the specific topic at hand and less to the other factors (such as people) involved. They're really good at word/language jokes. They're also very good at turning themselves into clowns.
People involved: HAHAHAHA =D vs HAHAHAH =D.

I love both types of humor, but the ENTP/ENFP type invokes positive feelings and that helps when I'm sad or angry. The ENTJ type is more of a elitist 'we know something you puny mortals do not' that helps when I'm lonely.

ENTJs are hardly ever enthousiastic. Its the Extraverted Intuition of ENTPs and ENFPs that makes them go raving about all the possibilities of everything they see (if they like what they see). They're like hyperactive bunnies, hopping their ideas all over the place. Its really not quite hard to figure out what they're thinking or feeling, cause its right there in your face.

ENTJs on the other hand are very manipulative and planning, carefully plotting and playing out the world in front of them. If they were to share their plans in the open like ENTPs/ENFPs, their plans would stop being effective and probably blow up in their faces too. (My ENTJ friends ofcourse share their plans with me, cause I don't interfere. I actually like seeing their plans play out, its quite educational.)

I also like both ways of handeling one's dreams and ideas. In the end, I guess ENTPs/ENFPs are more suited as life partners. (They balance our 'pessimistic' worldview and inspire us with ideas that we can improve upon and cause to happen). And ENTJs are more suited as buisness partners. (They further improve upon our worldview, removing all boundaries, restrictions and morals from the equation, making everything possible). Haha ^^

Gogo longwinded post.

PS: If male ENFJs are anything like female ENFJs (I wouldn't know, I've never met one), then I definately don't want one of them as a boyfriend. I'm allergic to primary Extraverted Feeling. Sorry. :/

Synamon

09-05-2008, 11:02 PM

The 24 of you that are in a relationship with an ESFJ, how do you manage being together without your household turning into a warzone? O_o*

PS: If male ENFJs are anything like female ENFJs (I wouldn't know, I've never met one), then I definately don't want one of them as a boyfriend. I'm allergic to primary Extraverted Feeling. Sorry. :/

I think you may have answered the problem you have with it right there, Fe for you is not comfortable.

I have an ESFJ husband and we almost never fight, no war zone at all. We know we are very different beings and spend a lot of time communicating so there aren't misunderstandings (which is the cause of most arguments in my opinion). I'm a weird INTJ who likes Fe or Fi in the people I surround myself with, they are caring 'nice' people.

I'm stubborn and arrogant, why would I want a relationship with someone like myself? That's the sort of relationship which would lead to a lot of conflict for me. An opposite type doesn't necessarily result in a battle, you just have to each get what you need from the other person. We each are individuals and support each other with our unique strengths.

PortInStorm

09-06-2008, 08:57 AM

While you can see my difficulties in the "I'm in love with an ESFJ" thread, I have found the same as Synamon- because he's so flexible and giving we work well together. Fortunately, he doesn't seem to resent being the nice one who works around me....

Synamon

09-06-2008, 12:29 PM

Fortunately, he doesn't seem to resent being the nice one who works around me....

Us INTJs give the ESFJs the opportunity to be the 'nice' one, they like that. :)

I thought a little more about this and will add the following comments. There is obviously a lot of compromise involved with an opposite type, but there is in any relationship. Specifically you can't live in each others' pockets, there are just too many differences for that, you have to figure out how to give each other space and you will both need to get some of your needs fulfilled by friends as well. I hold back on the criticism, he holds back on the emotional outbursts. We both make each other better, balance each other out. This may have been easier because of the male ESFJ/female INTJ dynamic, neither of us matches societies stereotype of those personality types.

If you don't want that kind of challenge then you should seek out someone more like yourself, but I do think INTJs are up for opposite type relationships. We don't fit in and know it, something other types don't have to deal with, so I think we can actually be more accommodating with other types than those who do fit into societies roles.

Colette

09-06-2008, 11:31 PM

I think you may have answered the problem you have with it right there, Fe for you is not comfortable.

I have an ESFJ husband and we almost never fight, no war zone at all. We know we are very different beings and spend a lot of time communicating so there aren't misunderstandings (which is the cause of most arguments in my opinion). I'm a weird INTJ who likes Fe or Fi in the people I surround myself with, they are caring 'nice' people.

I'm stubborn and arrogant, why would I want a relationship with someone like myself? That's the sort of relationship which would lead to a lot of conflict for me. An opposite type doesn't necessarily result in a battle, you just have to each get what you need from the other person. We each are individuals and support each other with our unique strengths.

Do you find that he chatters a lot? One thing that annoys me (as an I) is people who chatter non-stop, just to "fill the void" if you like, and regardless of whether or not they have anything particularly interesting or worthwhile to say. Extraverts imo have a tendency to verbalise absolutely everything they are thinking, all the time, when others are around. As a result, there is little or no element of 'mystique' about them - nothing kept in reserve to keep me intrigued.

Is this an issue for you, or do you like it that way?

Synamon

09-07-2008, 12:00 AM

My husband doesn't chatter much, he likes to listen to music or books on tapes so he usually has earphones and an Ipod going, actually I have trouble getting his attention so he'll listen to me. :irked: I suppose he does this because over the years I unintentionally ignored him when I was reading or lost in my thoughts. Training is the key. (kidding)

He is much more verbal in groups, I have to kick him under the table to stop him from monopolizing the conversation sometimes. With the two of us we have conversations over meals or in the car or in bed, although he falls asleep when I'm talking usually. :laugh:

We've been married 20 years, there's no 'mystique' left. In it's place is the (for lack of a better word) ease that comes from knowing each other inside and out. We do have different interests so there are still things to talk about. Thinking back to when we were first together the differences were the 'mystique'. Trying to figure him out was like doing a jigsaw puzzle, all those feelings and linear thoughts all mixed up. I've always liked finding out what makes people tick which might explain my attraction for an opposite type in the first place.

tacho

09-07-2008, 02:30 AM

INFJ < 21 years and counting....

cognosco

09-08-2008, 06:18 PM

I'm wondering how 10% of the people surveyed managed to end up with other INTJs.

Given the "per capita" rarity of INTJs in the general populace, it seems odd that INTJs could meet each other with such frequency.

Of course, the results could be falsified.

But supposing they aren't, I'd like to hear how these INTJ couples managed to meet each other.

I married an INtJ. We met in high school through a mutual friend. We "dated" for years while I was away at college and were married two days after I graduated.

It may not be a matter of frequency so much, since many of us meet many people frequently, but rather who of those people seem worth getting to know. Just a thought, as there are few for whom I will bother to put forth the effort.

Deliberator

09-14-2008, 04:06 PM

I've been married to an ENTP for over a year. When we met we hit it off like dynamite. I had been dating a particularly lackluster character, and meeting the charismatic and witty ENTP was so refreshing and exciting.

He is overreactive and impatient, but I counteract that by being pretty chill and patient. It calms him, and the fact that he's so reactive makes my life less boring. I also balance his P with my J when it comes to taking action that involves planning and researching.

Because we both are interested in everything we can go on talking forever. We have different types of intelligence, and so we can both add something unique to the conversation. Sparks may fly when I become too entrenched in classification, thus he hates my obsession with personality types. He is also a control freak and abrasively takes control if he sees me bumbling through something. Fortunately I've developed the patience of a saint.

Neither of us are sentimental, care much about social life, or spend money needlessly. We are both economic conservatives, but definitely not social conservatives as we have severed all ties to religion.

In a social situation he takes pressure off of me by being such an extrovert. Then I can just sit back and ease myself in as I feel comfortable. It bothers me though that he can make himself sound so genuine and warm when on the inside he doesn't really care.

Needless to say, he was delighted to find a girl who doesn't try to control him, doesn't want an expensive engagement ring, can hold her own in a debate, and of course, enjoys cigars and billiards.

Fireath

09-19-2008, 03:58 PM

I'm not in a relationship now (and haven't been since my divorce some time ago), but I really think I would get along best with another INTJ. Before you go thinking I'm completely nuts, let me explain.

I: As an I myself, I require a bit of alone time and I'm very independent. Having someone that understands that desire/need is great, but having someone who needs it themselves means that neither of us feels dejected or abandoned during those times when I just want to be by myself. Additionally, having different interests that we can pursue separately gives us plenty to talk about (more on that later...)

N: I could actually go either way on this. An ISTJ would be just fine too.

T: Overreactions, emotional outbursts, and a tendency to be illogical are things that I just can't handle on a regular basis. I don't understand irrational behavior most of the time. Another T would also most likely have the same expectations about conflict going into a relationship as I do; conflict is inevitable and natural, and in some ways is part of what keeps the companionship from getting stale. T's also tend to be neater, and I'm a very organized person.

J: P's often tend to procrastinate or be stressed out more than J's. I do rather like the free-nature spirit of P's, and there are certainly times in my own life I would say I acted much more like a P than a J for that reason.

We INTJs come in many flavors, and I think the right combination could meet with passionate results.

theJarrett

09-21-2008, 11:30 PM

I dated (I use the word only retrospectively - I wouldn't have admitted it at the time, but the pseudogamy symptoms were there) an ESFJ for awhile... basically fell apart over my complete lack of tact. I'm 100% I and quite T, so that's a continual problem. Many of my friends are ESFJs but I wouldn't get into a relationship with one. It seems like my basic tenets of living are immoral to them. Go figure.

Then a couple years later I (by my previous vague definition again) dated an ENFP. Could have worked. Just didn't. I enjoyed actually being able to communicate about fine art, literature and so on. She just didn't have the personal authority necessary - couldn't bear the stern weather of my personality. I think that was an individual problem, and I might (just might) consider ENFPs as compatible in the future. NFJs tend to try to fix me, or heal my life in some way... which, since I'm already constantly self-analyzing, is redundant.

Ironically, most of the people I've liked but got nowhere with have been ESTJs. There's a sense of stability around them I like. Of course, I have the benefit of traditional male/female role perceptions. In social/business situations I immediately go to war with against STJs. Gotta be the big gorilla. Or the clever gorilla. So if there's a way to get past the cultural barrier I would date an ESTJ.

And the begging question is, would I date another INTJ? Probably not (notice my ever-so-NT qualified statement!) -- because I've actually learned to like the feeling of being from a foreign country around other people. I love to feel like the weird one.

anyhow, that's my late weekend post for you all.

braeden

09-22-2008, 01:52 PM

ESFP. She's nuts, but entertaining to observe at a safe distance. ;D

Stormy

09-22-2008, 07:35 PM

My boyfriend's an ISTJ and we get along very well, though I'm definately the weaker one at communication skills. Having a lot in common, as far as activities, interests, etc., helps in our relationship.

LevBron

09-23-2008, 08:54 AM

I've been married to an ENFJ for about a year now. Dating was incredible, but living together is very difficult. Frequently, a maelstrom comes through and I can only stand there and watch. I have no idea what is happening as the words being issued get more and more absurd (maybe hyperbolic) and less grounded in reality. At some point, I actually get offended that I even have to be subjected to what appears to me as absurd. Then I turn off, which causes the NF even more pain. It is like a downward spiral that only stops when she hits bottom or I interject because I can't stand it any more. I just want a nice, quiet homelife where things flow evenly. It's disturbing when these things happen. But for all that, I love her very much, and I'm very accomodating and try to fix things, but you just can't fix things that you don't understand.

Anderson

09-23-2008, 11:45 AM

Are people still responding to this thread?!

Anderson added to this post, 1 minutes and 34 seconds later...

Not in a relationship, have never been in a relationship, don't want a relationship as they ultimately fail and bring about nothing but trouble. At least I'm not cynical.

Queen Mum

09-26-2008, 09:17 AM

I'm an ENTP who has been married to an INTJ for five years. Everything goes fine as long as I explain everything in rational terms ahead of time (Warning: I am about to launch into a diatribe 90% caused by hormonal imbalance. I will then take a hot shower and go to bed and everything will be fine in the morning. Just listen and nod.) and don't interrupt him when he's staring off into space.

Cass

09-27-2008, 07:31 AM

Mine is INTJ; when you've got the best why try the rest? Never been with an INTJ before, and will never date outside my species again.

ame

09-27-2008, 08:47 AM

intj
i cant stand anyone else

intjguy593

09-30-2008, 11:13 AM

I'm an INTJ XY. I find INTP or INTJ XX's to be my favorite; probably the combination of subtle intelligence, introvertedness, and compatibility. Despite numerous relationships with said types, I do not plan on marriage.

Humans are not creatures of mate fidelity; don't jest oneself on contrary thoughts.

The best sex is INTJ and INTJ, in my humble opinion.

ame

09-30-2008, 09:54 PM

if you meant me...?
i subject myself to the same rigorous analysis i do everyone else. its a way of staying honest and organising my own mind.
The INTJ trait i was pointing out in myself is that of the isolationist in full swing.
I think INTJ's here could relate, it would'nt be a process i needed to necessarily hide from the like minded.
otherwise theres no point in being here.

though i do understand your point.

windy

10-04-2008, 10:34 PM

My current boyfriend is an ESTJ. We've known each other for exactly a year before dating, and have been dating for about 2 years.

As far as our relationship is like, I think I'm the more controlling/demanding/(whatever word you want to describe it) partner in the relationship. He's pretty easygoing and doesn't really have high expectations.

Earlier in our relationship, we had miscommunications with each other but that's been worked out. I would misunderstood or read his actions more than I should've.

Sir Paul

10-04-2008, 11:23 PM

Single, hooray for me!

Actually I can barely stand to associate for extended periods of time with anyone who isn't an INxJ.

Ligda

10-04-2008, 11:29 PM

INTJ

The relationship's still pretty early, but I connect with him in a way I have with very few people. I'm known as a serial dater... I become intrigued with someone, then a few weeks or a couple months later (if that), I drop them like a bad habit. This is my first INTJ relationship, and I'm almost positive it will deepen with time.

smashy

10-08-2008, 04:32 AM

My partner is an INTJ like me, that's why he understands me pretty well, he understands my personality, my desire to withdraw sometimes, my critical side, etc, just like I understand him as well. We're not equal, we have different personalities, for example, he's much more balanced then me, but we fit each other really well. And it's nice to have someone that sometimes wants to be with friends and sometimes (many times) just want to stay at home watching a movie or reading a book.

Nebula61

10-08-2008, 08:08 AM

I highly recommend ENFJs.

Kathryn

10-09-2008, 09:47 PM

I've been with my ESTP for 20 years; married for 18. It's work, but worth it.

Nikita

10-10-2008, 02:30 PM

I don't really do relationships, but the person I was closest to at one time was an ISFP, I believe.

Daniel

10-11-2008, 08:13 AM

INTP - perfect : complicated, neurotic and sarcastic. Some childhood traumas are an additional plus.

miownbubble

10-13-2008, 02:24 PM

My bf of 2 years is an INTJ and I'm an INFJ. I must say, the INFJ mind reading has drastically helped me in our relationship...

I am completely F (100%), but I am a law student and can use my T really well. Of course, I'll always use it from a distance: i can see why something would make sense but I care more about my F.

This has helped us get passed the F hurdle, I've learned to explain what I want from him using T reasoning and he has made understanding my feelings into a puzzle for him to solve.

I wonder if a lot of you do what he does: he challenges himself to pick-up on how I'm acting in any given situation, and then match that with the response from him that I have wanted in the past. It's like how you guys aspire to be super knowledgeable about- say- a given subject, except he wants to be the best he can be at interpreting how he should respond to my intense feelings.

It always helps that you guys are also intuitive and can guess emotions from body language, etc.

ProgFusionRoman

10-17-2008, 01:31 AM

I have married an ESFJ. 10 years of marriage. It only gets better and better.

I connected mentally to her from day 1. She and I still can talk for hours and hours. I find an interesting topic and talk to her as I am finding out new things (from a book etc) and she responds with feedback and questions.

The sun rises and sets with her for me. I love her utterly.

She even recharges me.

kmzamora

10-20-2008, 04:55 PM

Same here; although my INTP spouse keeps moving the "point" (target) around so yeah, he's hard to catch and I think doesn't want to be. . .intelligent to the point of excess so it's probably a game to him. Yes, agree to the strangulation approach on alternate weeks. . .I don't think he quite gets how INTJs love CLOSURE. . .

It IS a game to my INTP; too intelligent for his own good. And of course, I would know that since we INTJs know everything and have never been wrong, eh?

To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 1 posts.
We love challenging each other; even though we usually agree we can argue respectfully for hours, Devil's Advocating just for the sake of it.

While his extremist side drives me crazy we make a great team; he has the "all or nothing" covered while I handle everything in the middle. I balance him out with my practicality, he helps me loosen up and be spontaneous.

My advice to any others with an INTP - be careful with their feelings, for they will never tell you when they're hurting (even though it's so obvious). And be respectful of each other at all times, otherwise a friendly argument can turn ugly very quickly. We learned that the hard way early on in our relationship, but we learned.

And try not to take everything so personally!
(struggling with that myself, but it's good advice I got from another INTJ)

kmzamora added to this post, 5 minutes and 10 seconds later...

INTP - perfect : complicated, neurotic and sarcastic. Some childhood traumas are an additional plus.

I totally agree - perfectly complicated - a challenging puzzle

Just curious about the male/female aspect of INTPs. What do you think? While I'm quiet/reserved with everyone BUT him, he's reserved with everyone (except after a few beers, but the same could probably be said for most everyone). Is that the INTP part, or just part of being male? Is your INTP male or female?

Kisai

10-22-2008, 02:23 PM

Nikita

10-22-2008, 04:11 PM

I'm single but unavailable - the only man (heck, the only person) I've ever really felt very close to was an INFP

dogwoodlover

10-22-2008, 06:56 PM

Wonderful three year relationship with an ENFP.

intj555

10-25-2008, 02:49 PM

5 year relationship with an ENTP

Amaterasu

10-25-2008, 03:48 PM

2.5 year relationship with my mirror image!

doctorjuice

10-27-2008, 07:21 PM

1 year relationship with INFP

Henry

10-28-2008, 02:07 PM

2.5 year relationship with my mirror image!

Congratulations - I've had terrible luck with ESFPs even though I'm drawn to them. Same with ENFP.

Been with an EsFJ for almost 5 years. Really wish the "J" was a "j" but not gonna happen.

Forgetmyname

10-28-2008, 02:42 PM

ex : eSFP
1 year, but we are still on and off... in typical INTJ fashion I figure I can make it work...

elsdfr

11-02-2008, 05:24 AM

Yes I am the same with and ESFP. It works but I'm not sure I can keep dealing with it. Not to sound cliche but everything about us is different, even the food we like, music, everything (its kinda scary)... but we somehow keep talking to eachother! Just when I think all else is lost I find her. I can't make her awkward and she can't hate me, sigh.

Headstrong

11-02-2008, 08:39 AM

If my current interest works out, I will be dating an INtJ. He gets me like no other. He has everything I have been looking for in another person. It scares me actually, but in a good way. I always have reservations with dating other people...but not with him. =]

Sebastian

11-04-2008, 02:21 AM

I am in a relationship with an INFj. A look-a-like couple. Works out quite well. We pretty much live the strength and weaknesses of this relation. However, I am not sure whether we understand each other so well, our way of thinking appers quite different. The male-female differences seems to compete with the MBTI similarities.

Hatsumomo1

11-07-2008, 09:41 AM

1 year relationship with an INFJ and still going strong. We also have a different way of thinking. For instance, I like to debate about various topics, but he usually perceives debating as arguing and shuts down right away.

interstellar

11-08-2008, 07:54 PM

Another INTJ. It's nice to understand and be understood without talking.

intellael

11-09-2008, 07:31 AM

I've mostly dated SP types. I can't imagine ever wanting to do that again. When I was younger it was exciting because they are my exact opposite. Usually, I go years in between dating spurts. More recently I dated an ENTJ and it was the best experience. It did not work out because I hadn't dated in about 4 years and was more socially awkward than normal. He was pushy and wanted to much to soon. If things were different it had much potential. Bad timing...

I want to date someone I have more in common with. Sitting across the table from a familiar stranger does not work for me. Intellectual stimulation is a must. Now that I am back in school I should meet more NF and NT types.

Did I mention I have had 4 boyfriends and one was my ex-husband(a 3 year long catastrophy)? I am in my mid thirties. That is my dating record.

probity

11-09-2008, 07:40 PM

My partner was an INFJ. We were together for almost 4 years, planned on getting married and were essentially a very well put together couple. We complimented each other very well and through studying each other we actually understood each other as well.
I actually, after a fashion, find myself missing him.

baixue

11-11-2008, 08:22 PM

My husband is an INTJ and he is also on this forum.

Sleeper88

11-13-2008, 08:11 PM

ISFJ. 2 years. Like I was saying in the friendship thread. She drives me nuts and keeps me sane at the same time. With her, its a new challange every day and I must just love those challanges. Somewhat sadistic if I think of the suffering she puts me through on occasion, but the other extreme is the better. I love how she always announces something completely irrational with "ok, think about this logically..." and whatever comes next usually blows my mind with thought processes, which she sees as logical but have their roots in her feelings. Which in their nature cannot be logical, cause all she does is feel. It just cracks me up.

I guess thats why some INTJs want to strangle their isfj partners. :D

Sleeper

searcher

11-15-2008, 08:30 PM

INFP - Recent acquisition

schwartzie

11-16-2008, 12:52 AM

INFP - Recent acquisition

ahem. don't you mean INTJ, missy? AND INTP, with regard to moriarty? how quickly we are forgotten; you walk off one thread and onto another, and behave as though you are NOT thoroughly and completely adopted, or, to quote someone, "fully" adopted. hmmmm, sound familiar? Let's jus' not let this happen again, and all's forgiven.

Your adoptive INTJ.

Silent

11-16-2008, 03:01 AM

INTX - Recent acquisition :3

pvp2000

11-16-2008, 03:58 AM

ESFJ, after 12 years it seems to be driving me a little insane ;)

anamatria

11-17-2008, 11:19 AM

It most probably has been said before but I was curious as to what type the majority of people here are attached to.

I personally am in a two and a half year relationship with an ESTJ.

This is very interesting to me, although not surprising. I think if both parties are adults about their conflicts, I can see how this would be a great, albeit extremely logical and practical, match! :)

Synamon

11-17-2008, 11:21 AM

ESFJ, after 12 years it seems to be driving me a little insane ;)
Only a little? Well done. Sanity is overrated.

searcher

11-17-2008, 05:24 PM

It seems I must amend my post...

INFP (the recent acquisition)
INTJ (the adopter person)
and INTP (fellow adoptee, at least, he was the last time I saw)

Edgar

11-21-2008, 03:39 PM

Every body is single :D

Harmony

12-09-2008, 11:44 AM

I'm currently with an ENFJ.... I'm going to strangle him if he doesn't quit trying to change me.

Kisai

12-09-2008, 11:55 AM

ESFJ, after 12 years it seems to be driving me a little insane ;)

Wow, I only lasted 3 months dating an ESFJ, but the woman was ka-raaazy!

Cyrus

12-10-2008, 10:57 AM

Forgive me, but IMHO (humble observation...) I've found all but 3 S type people I know rather annoying (or no respect for..) due to their seeming inability to process anything more than the most minute abstract thought and seemingly unending need for physical gratification in one form or another.

I understand it's a sweeping statement but in my sample (which is pretty wide...) the pattern does stand out. The 3 S types are friends whom I hang out with here and there.

I've found fellow INTJ females and INFx to be the most attractive...

auriga vega

12-10-2008, 07:31 PM

my ex was an INTX.
It did oot work out. Our relationship lasted for 3 months. After we began dating we were more distant than ever. Our relationship basically ended this way:
Him: "I feel like-"
Me: "It's not working?"
Him: "Yeah"
Me: "Ok, let's break up then. Want to be friends, though?"
Him: "Sure"
Me: "Ok, let's get out of here - Oh wait, are you still giving me a ride?'
Him: "Yeah, of course."
*smile*
*smile*
Proceed the day like usual.

mkdirfoo

12-11-2008, 01:19 PM

My wife is ENFJ. But if she drags me to one more party.. I'm going to punch her!

I actually have always been attracted extroverts. Hanging out with people like me makes for a very boring interaction.

jisnowhere

12-12-2008, 09:24 AM

like any good wizard, i walk alone

imjin

12-12-2008, 03:27 PM

My wife is an ENFJ and I'm an INTJ. We're working on our 14th year now.

Scarlet Cake

12-14-2008, 05:17 PM

6 years with my confident nerd (INTJ)

3 years of courtship + 3 years of marriage = 6 years

It just keeps getting better! :love:

Jenniflower

12-15-2008, 12:07 PM

4 1/2 years with my INTJ fiance :)

Rawen

12-17-2008, 06:27 PM

Does anyone think personality type has to do a lot with what other types you prefer to be with? ISTP/ESTP for example. Do INTJs least prefer to be around them?

altoid

12-19-2008, 01:12 PM

Does anyone think personality type has to do a lot with what other types you prefer to be with? ISTP/ESTP for example. Do INTJs least prefer to be around them?

Yes, I think so. I seem to gravitate toward other INTJs/INTPs. Although I'm always fascinated by ESFPs. xSTJs generally irritate me.

My SO is an INTP. It's good in that we both need and understand the need for plenty of alone-time. But, on the other hand, sometimes we may be TOO much alike in that regard. This is a *bit* of an exaggeration, but I saw it described pretty well here (To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.): "INTPs make ideal companions to INTJs, as neither of them notices they're in a relationship."

maxpot46

12-20-2008, 01:36 PM

Yes, I think so. I seem to gravitate toward other INTJs/INTPs. Although I'm always fascinated by ESFPs. xSTJs generally irritate me.

My SO is an INTP. It's good in that we both need and understand the need for plenty of alone-time. But, on the other hand, sometimes we may be TOO much alike in that regard. This is a *bit* of an exaggeration, but I saw it described pretty well here (To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.): "INTPs make ideal companions to INTJs, as neither of them notices they're in a relationship."

I'm currently infatuated with an INTP, and really crave her company and conversation. Whereas I related with my ISFJ ex through sensory mediums like backrubs and entertainment, I'm relating to my INTP friend through intense conversations in which she teaches me about philosophy and I teach her about economics/ethics. The former is such a drag, while the latter is incredibly invigorating and exciting.

ToC

12-20-2008, 10:19 PM

hahah, only on an INTJ forum will gf/bf be phrased "partner"

LvHmBirth

12-20-2008, 10:35 PM

Married 12 years to my ESTJ husband. He used to be very extroverted, but he claims I'm turning him into an introvert ...

mickeymcmic

12-25-2008, 12:00 PM

UGLY

adjectivenoun

12-28-2008, 08:02 PM

14 months with an INFP. I suspect that this is the second INFP I've dated. I tend to stick with INXX.

I don't at all identify with those who feel they need to date opposite types (especially extroverts) in order to avoid boredom.

Chronos

12-28-2008, 11:50 PM

Single right now. Ex is ISTJ - not the happiest of relationships. It became way too stagnant way too soon. I found her to be too conservative, while my need for detachment was a constant source of annoyance to her. I don't think she ever really "got" me.

This was my first real relationship - but counting flings, the best I've ever hit it off with was an ENTJ. She was an awesome no-bullshit person who motivated me no end.

Visum

12-29-2008, 06:11 PM

Married 8 years to an ENTJ. Both of us are first born and highly driven people. When sparks aren't flying we are one heck of a team! Love the woman...:-)

zoso80

12-30-2008, 08:44 AM

Ex was (my hunch) a ENTP. My invertedness drove her E crazy coupled with her strong T drove me crazy when I needed some emotion. Bad gig as we both couldn't fulfill some basic needs in each other once the newness wore off. It ended with her hooking up with someone else online while I was sleeping next to her.

vertex

12-30-2008, 04:14 PM

Does anyone think personality type has to do a lot with what other types you prefer to be with? ISTP/ESTP for example. Do INTJs least prefer to be around them?

ABSOLUTELY!

my girlfriend is an infj and i connect with her on a totally different level as to all other people ive met

Anatum

12-30-2008, 09:15 PM

I'm currently with an INTP - interesting combination, let me tell you. Haha, saw an interesting quote somewhere, and also recited by someone else on another thread somewhere on this forum;

INTP and INTJ's are great together - neither of them notice they are in a relationship!

Not entirely true with us... we spend quite a bit of time trying to put in the effort that does not come naturally for either - sometimes overanalyzing things (I'm mostly guilty on that one). But we have been making it work thus far - and a year and a half is far longer than any of my previous relationships! ^.^

Sigma7

01-02-2009, 02:14 PM

I'm with an ENFJ. I hadn't ever had a partner before him, and I don't know why I suddenly fell in love for the first time in my mid 30's. He gets frustrated with my reticence and what he calls "secretiveness" (i.e. need for privacy) and can't understand why I'd rather read or surf the net than go out. I get frustrated with his constant talking and touchy-feely ways. Although our personalities aren't a perfect fit, we get what we need intellectually and creatively from each other: we're both musicians and very deep thinkers.

ksdgypsy

01-05-2009, 04:08 PM

My partner of 8 years is INTJ.

He needs a lot of privacy and alone time, like air to breathe. I have learned over time to wait until he asks for companionship... and then we have amazing quality time together. If I don't wait, and he is just not into it, I feel hurt, so it just isn't worth trying to be together any more than he can handle.

But when he is in the mood, then it is the best time of my life, every time.

It took a while, trying other partners, to finally realize he is what I want...and is so worth the wait.

And I have learned to become more self-reliant in the process, which is a very good thing.

Phyconaut

01-08-2009, 08:02 PM

hahah, only on an INTJ forum will gf/bf be phrased "partner"

this thread is about relationships.

why does a relationship have to between a male and female?

their are many ways partners can express themselves.
Partners do not always have to be male and female and also their can be multiple partnerships simultaneously.

The INFJ Female who is the dominant in a S/M relationship is encouraging me to find a male partner.
GF/BF is not the only way nor the is only number involved 2 it can be more look at Mormons

so please do not make generalizations such as partner means male and female.

thank you from a Bisexual

gender matters not to me as mind is more important than looks.

Paji eh Wong

01-17-2009, 03:49 AM

I'm amazed to see so many of us in relationships. It looks like some of us do get out and socialise or get hunted down by our partners.
Originally, I was surprised to see so many of us were single. But then again, I remember some stretches in University where I was single for years at a time.

I have been doing the serial monogamy thing for a while. My current partner is an ESTJ and she is amazing. I have never been this happy with a relationship. Before this, I was curious about trying multiple long term relationships, but I don't even think about it with this girl.

SLSlodo

01-20-2009, 02:07 PM

I date quite a bit. They are all NFs.

Mesonoxian

01-21-2009, 04:22 AM

The last chunk of years were:
ENTJ for a long time. Rommel. Felt like a foot soldier in his army. He rammed through all the major decisions. Wanted a life of my own. Left. This one could have worked if he could have just given me more of the decision-making power and been more respectful.
INTP. Drove me bats, laziest person I have ever met. Smoked too much MJ. Hanger-on. PhD in passive-aggression and constantly trying to get out of work. De-wormed myself happily and flushed him down.
ISTJ. This person would never believe that I didn't willfully not notice things. Cranky and possessive, did not want me socializing with other people and could lash out sometimes. Very competent and loving person but also demanding and wanted to control my time.
VERY happily single now. Don't miss not being in a relationship one little bit.

Mina

01-23-2009, 12:07 PM

I'm an INTJ female with an INTJ male. His "N" and "J" are stronger than mine; my "I" and "T" are stronger than his.
Pros:
- Understands me better than anyone else
- Intelligent
- Not clingy; doesn't need constant reassurance
- I can learn a lot from him
- Very fun to be around
- Passionate

Cons:
- Power struggle; neither of us particularly likes to compromise
- Constant arguments (doesn't bother me, but he doesn't like it)
- Always busy; doesn't always make time for me (and I'm not even asking for that much time)

Last two partners were INTPs. The relationships were more harmonious, but I got bored after a while. And they can be clingy!

I don't really "date." I tend to either go on one date with a guy, and decide I don't want him; or else we'll form a relationship and be together for years.