30 and up crowd

[jellosubmarine]

I would like to hear from some more emotionally mature and stable INTJ's. Especially after coming out of a relationship with a substance abuser, I don't want to deal with alcohol or personality altering types for a while. How about some hard working, thoughtful people who sometimes find themselves staring into space thinking - is this all there is? Are you Ok with being alone?

[Doppelbock]

Well I'm 42 (let me see... born in 1965, this is 2007, right? Yep, I'm 42) but not sure about the "emotionally mature and stable" part. ;-)

I'm not alone (married with 3 kids) but I would be okay with being alone. Sometimes when I've been around people for too long, I stare off into space and fantasize about life as a hermit. My own island, lots of coconut and bananas growing wild, wild game that's easy to catch, and high speed DSL. Somebody would have to occasionally drop off some really good microbrewed beers, though. Okay, maybe more than just occasionally.

Sorry, where was I? Not sure where you wanted to go with this thread, but there's a start. ;-)

DB

[Rei]

I would like to hear from some more emotionally mature and stable INTJ's. Especially after coming out of a relationship with a substance abuser, I don't want to deal with alcohol or personality altering types for a while. How about some hard working, thoughtful people who sometimes find themselves staring into space thinking - is this all there is? Are you Ok with being alone?

You're implying that the under 30 crowd is not emotionally mature and stable, hardworking and thoughtful?
I think all INTJs are generally emotionally stable (as we lack emotions), and are thoughtful, and hardworking enough to satisfy ourselves.

Just a thought. :thinking:

[Firelie]

You're implying that the under 30 crowd is not emotionally mature and stable, hardworking and thoughtful?
I think all INTJs are generally emotionally stable (as we lack emotions), and are thoughtful, and hardworking enough to satisfy ourselves.

Just a thought. *:thinking:

I was thinking the same thing, but whatever. Maybe s/he meant people with more life experience.

[Rei]

You're implying that the under 30 crowd is not emotionally mature and stable, hardworking and thoughtful?
I think all INTJs are generally emotionally stable (as we lack emotions), and are thoughtful, and hardworking enough to satisfy ourselves.

Just a thought. :thinking:

I was thinking the same thing, but whatever. Maybe s/he meant people with more life experience.


Age still doesn't necessarily equate to more life experience.
Oh well... whatever. :suspicious:

[INTJohn]

I would like to hear from some more emotionally mature and stable INTJ's. Especially after coming out of a relationship with a substance abuser, I don't want to deal with alcohol or personality altering types for a while. How about some hard working, thoughtful people who sometimes find themselves staring into space thinking - is this all there is? Are you Ok with being alone?


I learned along time ago that I'm the only person on earth I must live with and I do one DAMN fine job of it!!!!!!!!!

..........the question is, I think, are YOU ok being alone?

Keep your answer to yourself.

INTJohn

[jellosubmarine]

I do believe perspective changes with age even if we are all looking at the same thing. There is no rating system to that though. Your perspective lets you see things I can't or don't notice. I think people of my generation grew up differently, related to authority figures differently, communicated differently. Different, that's all. Maybe I should have titled it 50 and up crowd? ANyway, I like hearing comments.

[bikerscars]

i'm 39... :o

feel like i'm 18... ;D

still idealistic after all these years (notwithstanding abundant evidence to the contrary) :'(

[Max T]

Re. you first question "is this all there is?", Peggy Lee's reply in her song ("Is that all there is?") was that we should "keep dancing... break out the booze and have a ball".

Hardly an INTJ thing to do! But it's (perhaps) really saying 'break out of our own stewing self-pity and doubt'.

You've passed an unfortunate episode and I guess our propensity is to now reflect hugely on it. I'm speculating that you are considering not having a close relationship with others perhaps indefinitely. So you ask other INTJs who have been/ are alone- what is it like to be alone? Can INTJs cope with it (will I cope with it)?

I had a catalyst that made me a little more lonely and withdrawn (caring for a v.close relative for 2 mths as her brain tumor slowly killed her).
So to answer your question-no, I'm not OK with being alone and there is the slight possibility that you won't be OK either. I can happily be alone for days, but the feeling "this ain't entirely healthy- you're not growing and may be going in reverse" drags me back.

[Jbmontag]

I've pretty much resigned myself to the fact I'll die alone. My friend told me that is depressing...eh. It doesn't bother me all that much, who knows...I could be wrong.

The nice part about being a pessimist is that you are constantly being either proven right or pleasantly surprised. ~ George Will

[gwalchma]

I'm okay with being single. I'd rather be single for the rest of my life then deal with a bad relationship or spend my energy trying to keep a mediocre one afloat. But I have never been married and never had a relationship last longer than 1 year before my patience runs out. So for me being alone is a norm.

[The Rose]

I would like to hear from some more emotionally mature and stable INTJ's. Especially after coming out of a relationship with a substance abuser, I don't want to deal with alcohol or personality altering types for a while. How about some hard working, thoughtful people who sometimes find themselves staring into space thinking - is this all there is? Are you Ok with being alone?
I met my husband when I was 21. I had been planning to find the man of my dreams from the time I was 14. I just wanted to have one special person to share my life with. (We've been married 25 years.) The road hasn't been perfect. About 10 of those years was downright unhappy, but we don't believe in divorce. Anyway, it's been a lot better for a few years now.

I think being alone is better than being miserable.

If I lost my husband now, I don't think I would remarry.
I think I would enjoy being alone - if that time were to come.

[StJimmy]

I met my husband when I was 21. I had been planning to find the man of my dreams from the time I was 14. I just wanted to have one special person to share my life with. (We've been married 25 years.) The road hasn't been perfect. About 10 of those years was downright unhappy, but we don't believe in divorce. Anyway, it's been a lot better for a few years now.

I think being alone is better than being miserable.

If I lost my husband now, I don't think I would remarry.
I think I would enjoy being alone - if that time were to come.

my wife and i have been together over a decade now, and we have indeed gone through a lot of rocky times. in the end, staying true to a bond only makes it stronger.

i have not really put a lot of thought into what i would do if something happened, but as i hope she would carry on bravely, i think i would as well.

[Lumbering Jack]

Well I'm 42 (let me see... born in 1965, this is 2007, right? *Yep, I'm 42) but not sure about the "emotionally mature and stable" part. ;-)

I'm not alone (married with 3 kids) but I would be okay with being alone. Sometimes when I've been around people for too long, I stare off into space and fantasize about life as a hermit. *My own island, lots of coconut and bananas growing wild, wild game that's easy to catch, and high speed DSL. *Somebody would have to occasionally drop off some really good microbrewed beers, though. *Okay, maybe more than just occasionally.

Sorry, where was I? *Not sure where you wanted to go with this thread, but there's a start. ;-)

DB


What's funny about your response is that I can never remember how old I am, and I always have to do the math.

Additionally, I often find myself fantasizing about the hermit's life. Give me some books, some writing material and something to do physically and I'd be quite happy.

[rwyatt365]

I would like to hear from some more emotionally mature and stable INTJ's. Especially after coming out of a relationship with a substance abuser, I don't want to deal with alcohol or personality altering types for a while. How about some hard working, thoughtful people who sometimes find themselves staring into space thinking - is this all there is? Are you Ok with being alone?
Hi jellosubmarine, I'm 53 and have been in a relationship with a substance abuser (specifically, an alcoholic) who is the mother of my only natural child. I won't detail the excruciating 4 years that we were together, but I share your desire to never get involved with a person like that ever again.

After she and I broke up (read; "after I left her") I spent about 2 years without a SO. During that time I found that I wanted to have someone around to share "things" with, to talk to, to relate to. The strange thing was that I wasn't looking for sex, or "love" – what I wanted was to be able to have intelligent conversation with someone, to share ideas with someone. I wanted to be able to speak some of the strange ideas that come to me, to someone and hope (expect?) that they would understand me.

So, to your point – no, being alone is not all there is (IMHO) and no, I was not OK with being alone.

One note of caution though. I began to get desperate trying to find that "someone" and got sloppy in making choices. The "someone" that I found, and married, turned out not to be what I needed and so I am in a place where I do not want to be. If you find – as I did – that you want the company of another person, be certain (as best you can be) of who you attach yourself to. As others have said, it's better to be alone than to be miserable.

[Fecal McAngry]

I've pretty much resigned myself to the fact I'll die alone.
Au contraire, mon frère! You will die surrounded by 388 other screaming, flaming passengers and crew on that fateful November day in 2021.

Do you want your complementary pretzels?

[StJimmy]

i thought we weren't going to make it past 2012.

[mINTJelly]

At 44 and on my third marriage I am still looking for more in life and I suspect I always will. *I'm basically happy yet I continually feel (did I use that word?) there has to be more. *It's what keeps me from stagnating. *It's paradoxical that the more I attempt to kill the ego the more I have to focus on me. *My behavior, my issues, my attitude. *Ironically the more I focus on me the less frustration I have towards my wife, the kids and the world. * I'm all I can ever hope to control anyway! *It helps me to be more at peace and comfortable with myself so that I even enjoy being alone and have a diminished fear of death.

[chocky]

Sigh.

Another would-be hermit here.

Up until the age of thirty four I repeatedly chose relationships with the wrong people - they were all addicts of one sort or another, and I thought I could wallow with them in pain because I just wanted a kind of obliteration from the bad feelings that followed me from childhood.

Each break up I had to reiterate for myself just how badly I wanted a 'mature' relationship with another adult and not another wounded child. But it was I that had to grow up, not my partners. It took a long time.

Finally after the last and most damaging breakup I decided I would never trust myself to make a 'romantic' choice again. Rather than fall foul of my poor choices another time I dedicated myself to being alone (alone as one can be with a baby). Perhaps I was nursing myself through a vicarious childhood, but I was happy alone. I felt secure. (One never feels safe in the company of an addict, because they have given control of their actions to a substance that holds no accountability for your wellbeing.)

Having decided to eschew love, and finding peace and fulfillment in being alone, I unexpectedly found someone compatible. I was so very cautious about getting involved though, because I had too much of value to lose on what could have been just another poor judgment and childish identification.

I find now that the only child/addict I have to fight is my own internal child, and it is for this primary relationship with myself that I need so much solitude, before I can be even a half-way decent human to anyone else in my life. Sadly relationships and the strains of living don't leave enough time for re-charging and I fall constantly short of my own expectations.

If you find yourself with a phase of life alone, this may or may not feel OK to you, but it is the very best chance you will ever have to pour all your dreaming, healing, compassion and respect into your own person. And when you are more whole, the world (and other people) will start to look a whole lot more together.

[Bossy Mom]

I met my husband over 20 years ago at AA. I had just been in treatment and thought he was the best looking guy I'd ever seen. FYI, I have been sober for over 21 years! We married and I thought he was also sober, but he drank until he died two years ago. We did have a lovely daughter, who looks just like him. I loved him, but he was impossible to live with, so I left him after 8 years of marriage. I never divorced him, we just stayed separated. I have never been in another relationship, and I don't want to be. He was not there for me when my daughter had her two liver transplants at 21 months of age and 3 years of age, and I had to have him legally committed three times for alcoholism. It is a good thing I am an INTJ and therefore a "take control" kind of person, at least for my daughter's sake.