Can you be talked into sex?

[ChanceBoudreaux]

this is more of a question to the girls here

has there ever been a case where a guy you was not sexually attracted to manage to talk you into having sex

can words be sexually attractive as looks
myself , unless i find her appealing no amount of words will make me have sex with her

[Dru]

i really don't think the matter of being "talked into it" is gender-based. some people are more easily persuaded than others, however men do tend usually to be more shallow more often, generally speaking, so i think because of that that women would be more inclined to disregard the fact that the person in question isn't the cream of the crop, assuming they have an attractive personality. on the other hand men generally tend to want sex more, so it wouldn't surprise me if in fact they were the more easily persuaded sex. but again, i don't think it's strictly a matter of gender.

i wouldn't ever be "talked" into sex, but a person's substance is substantially more appealing to me than their surface, however nice it may be. show me the most handsome man in the world, if he's an asshole or a moron he's nothing to me.

[Wundervoll]

No. Indeed, I think I would be more inclined to refuse (although probably not possible - I say no, I mean it) if I had said no and yet the other's persisting continued.

[Dasein]

I believe it is possible to become attracted to someone over time whom initially you were not attracted to. As verbal communication is usually how people get to know one another, then yes. Words would have a lot to do with it.
I am not sure if this is what you meant; were you referring to PUA techniques and flattery to convince someone to sleep with you, or referring to a natural progression of an initially platonic relationship?

[Gobbbler]

I believe it is possible to become attracted to someone over time whom initially you were not attracted to. As verbal communication is usually how people get to know one another, then yes. Words would have a lot to do with it.
I am not sure if this is what you meant; were you referring to PUA techniques and flattery to convince someone to sleep with you, or referring to a natural progression of an initially platonic relationship?
Yeah, this is what I was wondering. Put another way, do you mean charmed into having sex, verbally convinced/pressured into having sex, or finding someone attractive because you develop an appreciation for their personality over a long period?

If you mean the latter - long development - I had a friend whose boyfriend was not attractive to her physically, but he wasn't repulsive, but he impressed her so much in their first few meetings that they quickly dated and, yeah sex. To be clear, this guy was far from a player or a charmer. I actually knew him before she did and he was widely perceived as very dull, but they really hit it off intellectually and interest-wise.

[ChanceBoudreaux]

thanks for the reply dru7170, Wundervoll and Dasein

I believe it is possible to become attracted to someone over time whom initially you were not attracted to. As verbal communication is usually how people get to know one another, then yes. Words would have a lot to do with it.
I am not sure if this is what you meant; were you referring to PUA techniques and flattery to convince someone to sleep with you, or referring to a natural progression of an initially platonic relationship?


i agree , if you are working or in a enviroment that you would see and interact with said person over a period of time there will be a connection ,a bond that progressed naturally

but if your only source of girls (or guys) are strangers that you see and approach on the streets or where ever else , you need to make Excelerate this process

can words alone do this?
or would the approacher have to be pysically appealing too before the approachee ponder the thought

[katrin]

I find charming, sweet-talking guys smarmy generally and am usually somewhat repelled by them. The only time I was persuaded into a one night stand by a guy who was a bit that way, I actually did find the guy very physically attractive, so his Smarm-N-Charm routine was superfluous. It was more that I wasn't seeing anyone at the time, wanted sex, and was curious about the idea of having a one-nighter or fling, since I hadn't had one before. As Ani DiFranco sang, "I was bored. You were bored. It was a meeting of the minds."

So, in answer to the original question, I'd say "No", unless as Dasein and Gobbbler pointed out, it's attraction growing out of friendship then leading to sex. Then the answer is "maybe".

[Dasein]

Well, my biggest thing is not looks, but confidence. I have always been attracted to men that carry themselves like royalty. Perfect posture, confident bearing, upward tilt of their head. Men that look like they are ready to take the world on as a mere challenge to be met, and plan to win. When they speak, it seems as though they perceive you as their equal, and show no nervousness.
To me, this speaks more than looks. However, you should maximize whatever looks you were given to the highest degree.

[ChanceBoudreaux]

Yeah, this is what I was wondering. Put another way, do you mean charmed into having sex, verbally convinced/pressured into having sex, or finding someone attractive because you develop an appreciation for their personality over a long period?

If you mean the latter - long development - I had a friend whose boyfriend was not attractive to her physically, but he wasn't repulsive, but he impressed her so much in their first few meetings that they quickly dated and, yeah sex. To be clear, this guy was far from a player or a charmer. I actually knew him before she did and he was widely perceived as very dull, but they really hit it off intellectually and interest-wise.

had your friend approached cold as a stranger, would she had been as receptive or dismissed him because she was not physically attracted to him?

I , myself am not a player or physically attractive well i dont think so otherwise i wouldnt still be a virgin,
all i have is words and probably 1-5 min max to make my pitch (sales was never my strong point)

personally i like things to progress natrually but since i dont work in a enviroment that gives me access to collegues of the opposite sex, i have to resort to other means

[Dasein]

Ehh, attractiveness and how much sex you are getting is really not correalated en mi opinion.

[vampyroteuthis]

personally i like things to progress natrually but since i dont work in a enviroment that gives me access to collegues of the opposite sex, i have to resort to other means

Before you try to improve your "pitch", since you do prefer things to flow more naturally, is it possible for you to change this situation in which you don't meet many people you could be attracted to? Joining a group or workshop, signing up for classes, going to pub quizzes or open mics, joining a meditation circle, whatever floats your boat.

I believe plotthickens once posted about craigslist and Renaissance Fairs being some of the easiest places to get laid, if that's what you're looking for.

Honestly, it sounds like you're down on yourself and feel like you need to find a quick and easy solution. Maybe it will help if you're focused on something else while you're meeting new people. This way, you do something that interests you, and your interest in the topic/activity at hand will help you feel at ease and less focused on self-criticism. And if you don't meet anyone, your interest was still held. Also, it saves you from being contrived, manipulative or less than honest.

I don't doubt that being "talked into" sex is possible and that it has happened, but that has the potential to become date rape and I agree with you that it's repugnant. In my experience it's the content and manner of the conversation that can lead to other things, provided it's not coercive.

[Gobbbler]

had your friend approached cold as a stranger, would she had been as receptive or dismissed him because she was not physically attracted to him?

Well, maybe. That particular friend/girl was pretty receptive to intelligence over looks. Don't get me wrong, looks weren't without importance to her, but she really loved nerdy discussion and could be drawn into it with anyone regardless of their looks. If it helps you, in this case she was just using him to avoid someone else (a platonic friend who wish for more from her and had been drinking and was being too attentive). She wasn't expecting or planning to date her future boyfriend (I think they're still together, but we're out of touch), but at the end he gave her his card and said she had really impressed him and if she wanted to go out some time, give him a call. Anyway, that's what she said happened.

I , myself am not a player or physically attractive well i dont think so otherwise i wouldnt still be a virgin,
all i have is words and probably 1-5 min max to make my pitch (sales was never my strong point)

personally i like things to progress natrually but since i dont work in a enviroment that gives me access to collegues of the opposite sex, i have to resort to other means
Kind of along the lines of what vampyroteuthis said, I would suggest that you find a couple activities or groups or whatnot that put you in an environment where you have access to people of the opposite sex, preferably groups where the people involved are likely to share similar interests or tasks with you.

[Storm]

I , myself am not a player or physically attractive well i dont think so otherwise i wouldnt still be a virgin,
all i have is words and probably 1-5 min max to make my pitch (sales was never my strong point)

You can't talk someone you just met into having sex with you within 1-5 minutes unless they already want sex or are selling it. Like others have said,a much better way to find a relationship rather than becoming a sleeze ball, is to expand your social circle.

[Deliberator]

I could only be talked into sex if the reason I said I didn't want to do it was essentially silly (e.g. "I said I wouldn't until the 20th date but this is only the 18th date"). If I didn't want to have sex because I didn't like the person who was asking, no further persuasion would be successful in changing my mind.

From another angle, I think sexual attraction can grow on you if you become intellectually bonded. There is a point, however, when the physical appearance really just can't be overcome. I was not sexually attracted to my husband when I first met him, mainly because of his clothing and demeanor and because I was dating someone else at the time. My attraction for him grew as we bonded mentally and became close friends. We didn't have sex until AFTER the sexual attraction developed, and that was waaaaay after we were close friends.

So the answer to your question is, it really depends on the details of the situation at hand.

[8iii8]

I think it depends on how you approach "talking someone into sex" or how one is being "talked into sex". I have never talked a girl into sex but an experience with a female friend of mine did give me the idea that it was possible. Essentially, I was casual at first with this one girl, she could have been interested but didn't seem like it. Anyways, I did some research on something that she had an interest on (actually she had a stake on it). Specifically, it was her academics and classes required for transferring, she didn't know different colleges had different class requirements for the same major and this had a big impact on her direction. Anyways, she was very receptive to me doing some research and putting some thought about her, it went from me trying to hangout with her to her trying to hang out with me, although I still managed to F--- things up. In short, her receptiveness to my interest/thoughtfulness/caring into her life and well being won me some brownie points. A lesson/theory learned I'd say.

I should also point out I believe she knew I was interested in her.

I do agree with Dasein and Gobbler that the context of the relationship and approach are major factors

Regarding the main question pertaining to myself: It would depend if I am attracted to the girl physically and that I perceive her to be a quality girl physical attractiveness aside, then yes.