Girls absorbing a guy's mood

[Seducer]

I have read some stuff that says that girls are extremely sensitive receivers of other people's mental states. They absorb and reflect your mental state, attitude, body language, etc. If you're a girl, do you feel like this is true? Do you have a hyper sensitive ability to sense what is going on with other people, such as what their mood is, how they feel about themselves and how well they are doing in various aspects of their life?

[LifesEcstasy]

I wish! It would be super easy to navigate weird people at work if that were the case. I'd know why Susie in the corner is a bitch on Tuesdays and sugar and spice every other day of the week. Sadly it's not true.

[MortalWombat]

I think that it's not necessarily women, but people in general are somewhat sensitive to others and their tendencies. You just have to pick up on signs, and be able to make judgments accurately from those opinions. I don't think I have any extra ordinary capabilities, just because of my gender.

[crabnebula]

I am male and I consider myself good at reading people. Mostly its observing their body language, tone of voice and to a lesser extent what they say, though for some reason I am not good at reading facial expressions. Mostly its gained from observing my emotionally expressive mother and her various moods and states.

The advantage of having this skill, is that you can easily right through people and keep undesirable people at bay. However, it also becomes a disadvantage when people feel you can see through them and keep their distance (when they might not be undesirable at all). So I have learnt to try and suppress this but it does not work always.

In general though, women do seem to be better at determining emotional states, but I doubt anyone could tell the cause of the emotional state. That would go into the realm of sci-fi.

[Feral]

Yes. Sometimes it's an issue. Since my own emotions aren't particularly strong, I'm fairly suseptible to the emotions of people close to me.
Luckily, those connections are few!

[Silverity]

I can sense it in others but I wouldn't say I reflect it back. I would like to think my mood is pretty independent of someon else's. That said, if I seriously care for someone and they are distressed, I might end up distressed too. Otherwise, what I think you're referring to is just prosocial behaviour and empathy, as opposed to a construct that is strictly feminine.

[AtheneNoctua]

I can normally tell if other people are upset, but nothing out of the ordinary. Unfortunately I have absolutely no idea what to do with people if they are in such a situation. I don't feel as though I have a kind of super-empathy as described. Then again, I don't know exactly how conscious men are of other people's feelings, so I can't judge.

[daydreamer]

i'm not a girl, i'm a bit older. my default is to pickup other's moods and either reflect or play the opposing - whichever is considered a 'positive' thing to do. it takes practice to overcome the reaction, and to separate my feelings from others in the first place. i don't have the issues with this that i used to - it is not the healthiest of habits.

i don't think all women are this way, or that all men arent. i have met quite a few sensitive men.

one thing i have noticed over time, is that when i become more comfortable with someone, closer with someone, it is easier for me to separate from them, be myself. if i find myself mirroring or playing the complement to someone now, it is usually when i find myself in a stressful situation, or when i dunno what else to do to communicate (when communication is imperative.)

my husband finds this perplexing, he says the closer he gets with someone, the more sensitive he is... i think it can be a trust issue? i need(ed) to trust someone before trusting them with my feelings. for my husband, he needs to care about someone before caring about their feelings.

[Distance]

Sounds like strong Fe instead of a gender thing.

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[Causa Mortis]

I have read some stuff that says that girls are extremely sensitive receivers of other people's mental states. They absorb and reflect your mental state, attitude, body language, etc. If you're a girl, do you feel like this is true? Do you have a hyper sensitive ability to sense what is going on with other people, such as what their mood is, how they feel about themselves and how well they are doing in various aspects of their life?

That's not gender based, that's ego-boundary based. The stronger our ego boundary, the less capacity the environment can impact our moods. We periodically let people into part or all of our boundary (intentionally or not, healthily or not), and when we do that, the boundaries drop and there's legitimate psychological exchange.

Conjecture: women generally have somewhat less ego-boundary development than men because of socialization, and are also somewhat more likely to let others inside their boundary than men.

[Still Standing]

I absorb other people's mood (male or female) all the time, even subconsciously. Doesn't mean I can figure out the cause of whatever emotion they're feeling, but it does "get to me" whether I want to or not. I hate that, especially coming from people who aren't in tune with and aware of their emotions. If they don't know why they feel how they feel, I'm not going to try and pry it out of them just to clear the air and allow myself to feel better.

[SereCompostela]

I have read some stuff that says that girls are extremely sensitive receivers of other people's mental states. They absorb and reflect your mental state, attitude, body language, etc. If you're a girl, do you feel like this is true? Do you have a hyper sensitive ability to sense what is going on with other people, such as what their mood is, how they feel about themselves and how well they are doing in various aspects of their life?

First of all, I don't believe it has something to do with gender. Being able to read someone can come from anyone - man or woman; female or male - it doesn't matter. Gender doesn't matter when it comes to having this ability. Actually, ANYONE and EVERYONE can have this ability. You just have to keep an open mind and pay attention to whatever intuition you might have about anything.

Second, yes. I have this ability. (I have been told by a new friend that I am very sensitive, or hyper sensitive... interestingly enough, she experiences these things too, just like me... and is an INFP as well... hmmm - maybe there's a connection here?) I use the word "ability" because I've met several people (like my parents and family members, for example) who can't experience, see, feel, or sense the way that I do. They end up telling me "I wish I could be able to sense things like you do. Because then I could have avoided _ _ _." Enter words like: heartbreak, danger, wrong decisions, financial scams, etc.

(Before I begin explaining... Let me clarify: I am very intuitive and perceptive, but by no means am I psychic and I am not a mind-reader. I'll explain why I say this in a bit...)

In answer to your question:

Yes, I can read people very easily. I can automatically get a sense of their attitude, character, what their mood is, what they're feeling, what they're intentions are (i.e. if they're not so trustworthy of a person; I get a "bad vibe."), etc. So what I mean is, for example, I can look at a person and instantly be able to tell that something is wrong. I'll be thinking "Something's wrong... (s)he's either feeling upset, or (s)he's ill.... but something's wrong", and I'll end up finding out later that said person was indeed sad or feeling sick.
I can also hear it in their voice on the telephone. I've freaked out many friends and family members by them calling me and just saying "Hey. What's up?" or "Hello?" and I'll say "Ok.. What's wrong?" and they'll end up saying something along the lines of "...*brief silence*...How did you know to ask that?!.... I was at work all day and no one asked me what was wrong." (I can feel that someone is sad, yes, but I'm not going to feel it myself and start crying out of nowhere.)
I can tell when someone is lying, or trying to get out of something very easily, and get a pretty good idea of what a person's intentions are - I just get this "vibe." It's unexplainable. For example, a while back, I was introduced to my friend's new boyfriend and I immediately got a feeling that he was very dishonest and that his intentions of being with her were only for.... well, let's just say his intentions were "shallow and dishonest". I don't know how I came to that conclusion, but I guess I can say that that's just how he seemed to me, and that's how he came across to me that I instantly perceived him to be dangerous, and it was so intense that it felt like a warning, a burning "knowing-ness" pounding at the back of my mind. Others were like "Seems like a nice guy." But no, not to me: I ended up saying "I'm sorry, but I don't like him. I get a very bad feeling about him. I don't think he's being honest with you." Only later, to find out I was right... unfortunately. My friend was verbally and emotionally abused by him and later physically abused and beaten by him after running away from his attempted rape and fatal threats of a knife to her throat if she didn't "give in" to him... Ever since then, among many other not-so-dangerous experiences and events, I've always been consulted or asked for advice with things I can answer with: "He doesn't seem like that to me," "Mmmm I don't think so; I mean, I don't get that vibe," "I don't feel like there's anything to worry about"; or "This seems safe to me."

The reason I say "I am not psychic nor a mind reader" is because many people ending up telling me "Wow, you must be!" But NO, that's not it, AT ALL. I am nothing like that and it makes me upset that people tell me this.
With the example of my friend and her gross boyfriend: I sensed that he was bad - I got a feeling that he wasn't interested in her for something real and respectful - that's it... I can't tell you what things he's done in the past (that made him a bad person); I can't tell you what his full name is, when he was born, who his family is, where he's from; I can't tell you where he is now, what he's doing now, how he is now; I can't tell you what he was thinking or how long he was planning to try his malicious idea; and I can't tell you what his sign is, who he was in a past life and anything else that is believed to be exposed via crystal ball or water reflection - I don't have a mental (or tangible) deck of Tarot cards!

But the best real-life scenario example I can provide, is this:

Say for example I were married to my love interest. And for the sake of this scenario, let's say I had the day off or came home early from work and already started on dinner in the kitchen. Then, my husband comes home: I hear the car, the door open, but there's no door-slam, no foot-stomping, no grunting, no yelling, no sighing, no visible signs of discomfort anywhere. The moment he passes by me and I look up at him - BAM! - I can instantly tell that something's wrong. Within those quick miliseconds (literally), I'm thinking: "Oh no... Something's wrong. a) he had a bad day; b) he's feeling upset/sick from something; c) he's feeling upset/sick because he had a bad day; d) he received some really bad news today." All I'm able to tell is that something's wrong. And he can try as hard as he can to pass it off and be all cool, calm and collected and ask me "Hey! What's for dinner?"
But no no, Sweetheart; Sorry, Oh Divine Love of Mine, you can't hide that from me! No matter how much you try, HoneyBunch: 'cause I've already seen it, sensed it, felt it and too late - nothing's convincing me otherwise! ...THAT'S what I can do... but like I said "I'm not a mind reader" either.... I won't know whether I should ask him "What's wrong?" "Do you want to talk about it?" Or, say the whole inquiry of dinner didn't even happen and he headed straight for the bedroom without saying anything, I'll still be able to tell - body language - but I won't know if I should go chasing after him and try to play Emotional Needs Nurse, to leave him alone and wait if he brings it up later, to ask about it later or to just ignore it like I didn't even notice anything... I won't know what he's thinking... For all I know, he could be thinking "Any minute now she'll come in and hug me" and I won't even know.
Now, granted that throughout the courtship and the dating we would have come to know eachother very well, enough for me to know how to react in said situation, and granted that I'll know much better within time, but that won't always be a helpful crutch. Because the reasons for him having a bad day 2 months ago are most likely not going to be the same reasons for him having a horrible day today, if you catch my drift. So if dropping everything and running after him with arms wide open worked 2 months ago because his bad day was for "X" reason, does not mean it could be what he wants from me for today's bad day since "Y" happened, see? In the end, it's that I was able to sense his mood, emotions and what he's feeling - but I won't know what he's thinking. Also, I won't be able to tell how people see themselves, unless it's obvious conceit and lofty behavior, I won't know. So, my Example Husband could be insecure about how he hates the way his laugh is, but I won't know until he tells me or mentions it or tries not to laugh; or he could think himself a failure in relationships, and I won't know unless he tells me. And unless we're attached at the hip, I won't know how he's doing in various aspects of life either (the same goes for other outisde people too) - unless, of course, we talk and are open with eachother all the time. End of example.

If there's anything else you'd like to know, ask, or have me clarify, or you just want to pick my brain, feel free to ask :) I'd be happy to help.

[fourtines]

I agree with the person who said it's Fe. I think people with especially high Fe can do this with many people. I actually used to think that I was an Fe type for this reason (I do have moderate Fe, but my Fi is higher), especially because I definitely can be tuned into to a guy that I like/love/am in a relationship with. I think maybe those of us with moderate Fe do it only with people we feel strongly toward, while maybe people with higher Fe attempt to do this with anyone in their circle. I've actually talked to someone - an INFJ - who explained to me how she tries to see through the perspective and feelings of whomever she's talking to, even if she doesn't agree with them.

[Zsych]

@fourtines: I pity your INFJ friend's ability to see things through the perspective of my feelings :p

--

My first thought was also that this should only be expected to happen if the woman is impressionable and very into the guy she's talking to.

[fourtines]

@fourtines: I pity your INFJ friend's ability to see things through the perspective of my feelings :p

--

My first thought was also that this should only be expected to happen if the woman is impressionable and very into the guy she's talking to.

I think it's empathy, not being "impressionable" and there are men who can do it too.

In all seriousness, though, I am impressed with this INFJs ability to try to understand the viewpoints of the most obnoxious individuals. It's like she tries to genuinely get along with everyone - it's not fake, it's like she really wants to understand. I guess they don't call INFJ "The Counselor" for nothin'.

[Zsych]

I can understand almost everyone's view point and where their emotions are likely coming from - I just don't choose to be feeling the same stuff :p

[diebyspellcheck]

I'm a girl (albeit probably not a typical one). I don't think I'm particularly empathetic or emotional. I get uncomfortable when people get too emotional...like, oh crap, what do I do? Should I pat them on the shoulder or something? How do I make this go away? But I think I'm hypervigilant in trying to read people and determine what they want, think of me. It's driven more by social SELF preservation than by a concern or empathy for the OTHER. So I do tend to pick up things and get vibes about people, but I've always thought it was rooted more in T- and J- than in Fe. I might sympathize with someone but I don't absorb emotional states. I can stay pretty aloof even from my own emotional states, let alone others. Although I genuinely like to get along with people and I really want to understand them, so maybe deep, deep, very deep down I have more Fe than I think.

[fourtines]

I can understand almost everyone's view point and where their emotions are likely coming from - I just don't choose to be feeling the same stuff :p

I like to "feel" people I'm close to, particularly the men I've been romantically involved with.

I don't want to do that with everybody though. That would be hell. I'm definitely not an Fe dom.

[Antares]

I don't "absorb" people's mood. I might be able to sense it from time to time, but if I was happy and you were miserable, damn it, I'm not going to let you ruin it for me.

[crabnebula]

Sounds like strong Fe instead of a gender thing.

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I rather think its Fi To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.

especially

It helps us know when people are being fake or insincere or if they are basically good. It is like having an internal sense of the “essence” of a person or a project and reading fine distinctions among feeling tones

I have low empathy and yet I can sense their feelings, though I cannot feel them. For me, its a combination of Fi and Ni and dash of Te thrown in.

[SimplyOtter]

I do it, all the time. I don't think it depends from the fact I'm a girl, rather to the combination of N, F and P which is like being a radio always turned on on other people's "frequencies".
I feel what other people feel on my skin, like it was happening to me, and I often can't translate all this in words.

It's a blessing, and a curse. Sometimes it takes a lot of energy to keep feeling my own feelings in the middle of all the "noise". Sometimes I understand things that rationally it would take me ages to comprehend.

What 's important, is that I've learned that is not necessary to share all this in words. Most of the time is dangerous, and easy to misunderstand. So I'm learning that time to detach is important, for myself and for others.

[Ceres]

If I bother to leave my own world for long enough then I can pick up on other peoples moods. It's easiest with my family and people i meet who are "strong projectors".
As to "absorbing" other peoples feelings, I do this easily with my family. Unfortunately for a couple of years my mum and sister were at each others throats, so I felt miserable then.
I don't do this for other people.

[Deliberator]

No, I'm not hypersensitive, though I'm not a brick wall either. It depends on the person, and how overt they are in their behaviors. It also depends on how important they are to me. Compared to other women I'm not as astute, though I think I may be more sensitive than most men.

[elegantmachine]

When I worked at a callcenter, I often felt random peoples angst when I passed various rows. When I got away from there, I lost the feeling.

I can often sense if my BF is depressed. I work like a mood spounge... =/

[Ilara]

I always assumed that the ability to understand and empathize with others' moods and feelings was a human trait, rather than a "feminine" one. Like most gender-based things, it's socialization and stereotyping.

That said, I agree that it sounds like Fe.

Also, I am generally okay at it, when I bother--which I mostly do not.

[lilpix]

I have read some stuff that says that girls are extremely sensitive receivers of other people's mental states. They absorb and reflect your mental state, attitude, body language, etc. If you're a girl, do you feel like this is true? Do you have a hyper sensitive ability to sense what is going on with other people, such as what their mood is, how they feel about themselves and how well they are doing in various aspects of their life?

I think it has more to do with being a type that can do that (like an ENFJ or INFJ), then it does with being male/female.

[themuzicman]

I have noticed this on girl's teams. If a couple show up in a bad mood, the rest absorb it, and it takes an act of GOD to improve it.