Eyes

[qwerty]

Social Topic for those who are game:

I don't know it's weird. I've always had difficulty keeping eye contact with most people, it's not that I am shy(most of the people I don't look at directly would say I'm extroverted strangely enough) it's more that a persons eyes are filled with so much _____(indescribable) that I can't keep my focus on what I'm saying. Yet I'm totally fascinated with the eyes and generally won't date anyone if their eyes aren't right. The same goes with respect - I can't respect anyone who's eyes don't show some kind of spark when they speak about a subject.

Whenever I think of this topic I'm drawn to the saying "that the eyes are the key to the soul" yet I find it resonating as "the eyes are the keys to the mind".

anyone else with an eye fetish around today?

[rasoirviolon]

i can't really put it as a fetish... but yes eyes are intriguing to me. (on another note, hands are something i notice a lot too). i have trouble keeping eye contact too... it's not so much that the "spark" (if it's present) in the eyes will be a distraction but i'm afraid of what a person will see in my eyes. [smiley=embarassed.gif]

[Rei]

ER... I think the saying is "eyes are the windows to the soul" or something like that.

I do think it's very true that you can pick up a lot of things from looking at a person's eyes.
I have this instant attraction - not necessarily physical attraction - to people who have this sparkle in their eyes when they smile. It just makes me want to pay attention. That attraction, I could equate it to respect. The other explanation would be that my respect for the person causes me to pay closer attention to them, and actually look at them in their eyes when they speak and notice the ________ behind it. (Like you said, I can't quite find the word to describe it.)

I have trouble keeping eye contact when I'm uncomfortable, which is usually when I am forced to converse about things I don't really care to talk about... I'm pretty good at looking at people when they are talking though.

[deicruxified]

Social Topic for those who are game:

I don't know it's weird. I've always had difficulty keeping eye contact with most people, it's not that I am shy(most of the people I don't look at directly would say I'm extroverted strangely enough) it's more that a persons eyes are filled with so much _____(indescribable) that I can't keep my focus on what I'm saying. Yet I'm totally fascinated with the eyes and generally won't date anyone if their eyes aren't right. The same goes with respect - I can't respect anyone who's eyes don't show some kind of spark when they speak about a subject.

Whenever I think of this topic I'm drawn to the saying "that the eyes are the key to the soul" yet I find it resonating as "the eyes are the keys to the mind".

anyone else with an eye fetish around today?
i got the same prob as well... lol

[biased]

I used to have this problem. I somehow fixed it and now I take great pleasure in maintaing eye contact with someone. I find not looking at someone directly in the eyes is hard now when speaking to them.

[Jack]

I always watch the eyes, maintaining eye contact ensures that you have their attention, and eyes don't lie.

[OneBadMother]

I am quite a sucker for eyes. As my INFP friend put it, there's something to be said for a spark of intelligence in the gaze.

I have a hard time looking people in the eye unless I am particularly close to them. Even so, I can get self-conscious if I focus too much on holding their gaze and then generally drop it unless it's someone I'm quite interested in romantically.

[Rei]

I always watch the eyes, maintaining eye contact ensures that you have their attention, and eyes don't lie.

Ever felt like you were having a conversation with someone with just eyes and facial expression? There's an introverted thinking 'friend' I do this to sometimes because we don't stop to talk.

[Tarrick]

Eyes are very important. Somehow they manage to convey a lot of thought, meaning and emotion. Also, it's a good indication of how you stand with them.

Generally speaking, it's hard to look people in the eyes if you dislike them, or are mad at them (and vice versa). Also, people who are dominate tend to stare at eyes whereas people who are timid have a hard time doing it. It's a instinctual thing, but if you are aware of it, you can fake it....oh wait I said too much. [smiley=lipsrsealed.gif]

[Max T]

I have difficulty holding eye contact when I'm talking.

The reason is that I find their reaction to what I'm saying, as expressed through their eyes, provides information overload, thereby impacting what I'm saying to them.
I.e. expressing myself and analysing their reaction instantaneously, affects what I'm saying.

To try to compensate, I fix eye contact when they're talking, but its not optimal.

Old joke- how do you know that a mathematician is an extrovert?
Because they look at your shoes instead of their own. ;D

[Firelie]

Yes, eye fetish. Hard to explain exactly how, but I really can tell if someone's good or bad by watching their eyes. Sometimes I pay so much attention to a person's eyes (and face) that I zone out for a bit and miss some of what they're saying. I have a feeling the eye fetish feeds into the reason I hate phone conversations so much...(no comments on this, there's another thread for the phone topic! XD)

[Firebert]

I love eye contact, but I use it how I want to.

If I'm talking with someone who I really appreciate, my eyes will be there for respect and an added level of communication.

It's almost a little bit of an intimidation factor for me. I can make someone feel very uncomfortable with constant eye contact. If I'm angry enough it's almost like beating them with my mind.

I love seeing the intelligence in someone's eyes, that gives me immediate respect for them...something that's awful hard to get from an INTJ.

[xtremegeek]

Have any of you INTJs read the book Gifted Grown-ups? Perhaps, most of you pay attention to eyes and are attracted to eyes that seem to sparkle because people with sparkling eyes are usually quite gifted and highly intelligent. Just a thought.

[Rei]

Have any of you INTJs read the book Gifted Grown-ups? *Perhaps, most of you pay attention to eyes and are attracted to eyes that seem to sparkle because people with sparkling eyes are usually quite gifted and highly intelligent. *Just a thought.

Well that idea's been tossed around a lot. I just wonder how true it is =/

[mind_wander]

I also have trouble with eye contact, the responses from other people would be, "Did you know its kinda disrespect when talking to a person without having good eye contact; Are you paying attention to me?"

Ok, this is a WARNING to INTJ's because its kinda sad. So, for the feelers, ok ahead and cry if you want. In the past, I worked in a nursing home, in helping and serving food. It can be very lonely atmosphere for the Senior citizens, very lonely. Rarely any family members see them; in this type of atmosphere, I can easily adjust to it. I understand the lonely feeling, but a great learning experience in giving someone who is about to die giving a comfort zone.

Here is the a real example, very recently my friend's mother who past away, she was about 90 years old; very friendly. In my regrets to my grandfather, after he died was wished I'd had more time to spend with him; I do visit him during the holidays, does that count for something? Going back to the story, I will not make the same mistake again, life is a continuious thing and there is alot of bumps along the road. Now, everyone who's reading this, "What does this story has to do with EYES?"

Too spare the thrill, well I did managed to visit my friend's mother before she died. She mentioned, so many keywords, "I don't feel that my body has alot of energy left to go [with a big sigh of silence]." While, she said those things, other people around her responsed, "You will live longer than you think." In my mind, she know that her life is coming to the end, "Why lie to her?" The odd thing was, when people was responding to her, not like she was paying attention to everyone around her. At least, for about 3 minutes, she grabbed my attention and looked straight in my eyes [She see my inner soul as the truth and beholder]. I nodded, as a comfort zone for her; mental exchange, I know what your going through and you are not BSing, I really hope someone in this room is telling you the truth. BTW, I didn't go to the funeral because I think the most important thing before someone is dying wants to knows someone out there understands what you are really going through. Then off you go.

[maai]

"At least, for about 3 minutes, she grabbed my attention and looked straight in my eyes [She see my inner soul as the truth and beholder]. I nodded, as a comfort zone for her; mental exchange, I know what your going through and you are not BSing, I really hope someone in this room is telling you the truth. "

I had the exact same thing happen when I saw my mother before she died of cancer. The only words, we said together at the same time, were "I know".

[mind_wander]

Yeah, exactly the same words, "I know." Thats a very important keyword, people downplay. For a person wants to get the message out, the rest is using your eye contact about 3mins. Its normally played out as a mental exchange of I know what your going through...........

Thanx, for sharing at least I'm not the only one who had this experience. Doing this to an INTJ is probably a better chance of accepting the other person's, like relief of any worries, guilt, or whatever. They can tell that INTJ's are more truthful and valid in most cases.

[K1creeker]

It seems like I was always able to "read" people which has cause alot of problems in my life. I couldn't hear as a child and didn't speak until much later in life, combine that with being INTJ. I don't even listen to people I just take in all thier unspoken info, 99.9 of it is BS anyway.

I always tried to say to myself, no that person isn't lying to me, or blame myself for not trusting people. When I would get a sense about someone, then fight with myself to try to figure it out, I was always right though, so now I just trust myself, and surround myself with the right people.

I always look people in the eyes along with reading thier body movements, it drives me crazy becuase I am recently single, and I seem to know the person without having the fun of the proccess. I catch EVERYTHING when on dates, It sucks.

There are people that when I do this, its like thier eyes have WAY too much information, or something I don't want to know and I have to look away.

K1

[Headstrong]

I always keep eye contact. I've been complimented on it as well. A majority of the time I have to force myself to look away as to not stare at the person. I've had people stare at me during a conversation before...it's quite uncomfortable.

[cielo market]

I like to study people's eyes when their not talking. But it's pretty hard to do considering you'll get an immediate reaction of "what are you looking at?" *:suspicious:

[TruorTupnm]

I am comfortable with doling eye contact around. I'll drift in and out, no matter who I'm talking to. But when it comes to those with the spark, Ah! I gots to hold back. Don't zone out. Look at something else. I muchly enjoy encountering those with the spark. But then, I never remember what color anybody's eyes are. I never even knew what color my own were until somebody told me.

[mind_wander]

I always keep eye contact. I've been complimented on it as well. A majority of the time I have to force myself to look away as to not stare at the person. I've had people stare at me during a conversation before...it's quite uncomfortable.
Lol, yeah tell me about it. Sux isn't it, so are you human or my figure of my imagination. Could you please get with our program stare. We don't have a clue WTF, you are talking about. Trust me its very uncomfortable. Normally, I don't stare in their eyes because you can see the truth very easily. Not sure why, as an INTJ; no fun in how to even figure it out.

[mind_wander]

I like to study people's eyes when their not talking. But it's pretty hard to do considering you'll get an immediate reaction of "what are you looking at?" *:suspicious:
If it was a female, maybe you got nice, pretty, eyes, etc. What I can't stare at your eyes? Fine, I will stare at the wall. J/k Now when talking to a guy, ok stare at something else or I will feel awkward.

[OneBadMother]

I tend to look females in the eyes more. I have no idea why.

The biggest cue to show that I don't like you much is if I refuse to look you in the eye, ever. If I'd rather look past you or at the clock, that's a bad sign.

When I like someone, I do want to look them in the eye more, but it's awkward if I look too long. Something interesting that I've found is that looking someone in the eye seems to signal that you're more open to conversation.

[HarleyQuinn]

Maybe it's cause I wear hearing aids and read lips for years prior to getting my hearing checked but I find it incredibly hard to look into someone's eyes when they're talking. I'm constantly looking at their teeth/lips and I feel horrible but at the same time, it's the whole movement + better understanding of what's being said that captivates me.

Yet I have little problem keeping eye contact when I talk (unless I jump from a topic or try to explain something in which case I'll look away to gather my thoughts whilst talking). :suspicious:

[Solaris]

I have an INTJ friend who will always, when he laughs, look the person in the eye with whom he is sharing the laugh. He's the only person I've known to do that, it intrigues me.

[Fiordispina]

I'm fascinated with eyes as well.....first and most important feature of attraction in opposite sex.
However, if I'm not comfortable with the person with whom I am speaking (or don't trust them) I also have trouble maintaining eye contact...mostly because I fear they will see my discomfort (or dislike) in my eyes.
Eyes are so expressive.

[Paul V]

I often look at people in the eyes when I speak to them as a sign of respect and to show them I'm being honest. However, when I'm in a bad mood, I tend to avoid eye contact because it kills people's joy (Yeah, it has happened to me several times before. There is a classmate laughing and I look at him in the eyes and his laughter dies immediately. I feel awful afterwards).

Lately, I've been slightly obsessed with a gray patch in my eye (which is brown). I can't help to wonder what does it mean and what does it do. Partial heterochromia intrigues me very much.