Phone Conversations?

[Firelie]

Just curious...do any of you hate talking on the phone?

I can't stand it. *I either have to be able to see your face when I'm talking to you, or I have to use text so I can compose my thoughts.

{edit: Guess I should've read the psychology section first, huh?}

[Jezebel]

Hate it. Friends and family are always getting upset with me because I don't call and often don't return calls. It's one of those things I dread, so I procrastinate calling people back. I don't always check my voice mail... it's always better to just email me.

I feel agitated when I have to talk to people just to chat and keep in touch. If I don't have anything that I really need to say, I often end up just mumbling between their sentences. At the very least, I prefer there to be a specific purpose behind the phone call.

{edit: Guess I should've read the psychology section first, huh?}
I realize there will be some ambiguity between this section and some of the other sections. While this is primarily an INTJ forum, it's open to all types (we have several others already). Any question directed at an INTJ perspective or specifically about INTJs can go here. So, if you're mostly curious about the INTJ attitude toward phones, this is fine.

I might still change things a little to make clearer distinctions though.

[Firelie]

I might still change things a little to make clearer distinctions though.

;) Everything can be improved, after all.

[Jon]

(I'll just expand upon my other thing, since this is a better place for it.)

I totally feel the same way as you, Firelie. It's face-to-face or text. There's no in between for me. Whenever I have to start thinking about phone plans, I look at "500 minutes a month" and wish there were a smaller plan. I probably used somewhere near that many minutes in the 3 years that I had my last phone. Most of the calls I initiate are between 15-45 seconds long, because that's all it takes to ask whatever question it is and get the answer, generally.

That ESFP friend I was talking about in the other thread calls my home phone, then my cell, then my home phone again a lot of the time when I just don't pick it up. If that fails, he logs onto AIM to see if I'm online, then he says "hi" over that, and calls my home phone again if I respond over AIM. Stalker? I think so. I call him back as soon as possible if he ever leaves a message, but he rarely, rarely does. On the off chance that I do pick it up (or someone else in the house does), he's only calling me because he's either bored or lonely and the conversation ends up in him reading something banal to me off of the internet or something. I think he's afraid of creating a feedback loop and overloading his phone if he calls one of his ESFP friends.

Talking to people you're getting to know is pretty bad, too, because sometimes the phone conversation just doesn't work and you try to talk at the same time. What a mess. Society as a whole should just get over the telephone and adopt some sort of always-on IM system if they really have to talk with everyone.

When I have to call someone, I usually build up angst for hours before I can actually convince myself to call someone. It's like waiting in line to ride a dreaded roller coaster, only to get on the roller coaster and realize that you don't want to be on the roller coaster and it's terrible and you just have to wait for it to be over. Then, after the call is over, I think about how stupid the things I said were and how I could've reworded things better, and then decide it's not worth it a few minutes later.

Neurosis alert.

[Tarrick]

Agreed, Firelie, though I don't really hate it. It's just annoying. I talk on the phone to convey information and set up and execute plans. I chat using a chat program.

With a phone you lack the abilities to truly converse because you lack the expressiveness of face to face, which, if you are skilled, can be simulated in a chat program. That and reading someone over the phone is difficult. You can do that with chat either, but at least then you would expect their response to be, as you said, composed.

[Firelie]

I suppose "hate" is a fairly strong word for what I feel towards telephone conversations. Some of them are alright, like if I'm trying to meet up with someone and they're late, etc etc.

My main problem is when other people try to use phone as their main mode of communication. I have this one friend that really wants to talk to me, but she's unwilling to email, and I'm unwilling to get caught in a "'till-my-phone-battery-dies" conversation with her.

[Rei]

It takes A LOT of my patience for me to be on the phone for longer than necessary.

I've only ever had a phone conversation for longer than 2 minutes with my mother while I was overseas, and my two best friends. And just for the record, this totally counts as showing affection because I'm supressing my intense dislike of the phone for these people.

I can deal with online chatting, but for some reason I hate the phone. Maybe I just have bad hearing (I miss things a lot unless I'm paying close attention), plus I dislike trying to judge people from the tone of their voice because I find that it is often misleading. I find it easier to judge by their choice of words in online typed chats.

Of course, essentially it's best when you talk face-to-face, but I get rather awkward sometimes depending on the person. Some people I have huge troubles trying to keep a conversation going with, but there are others who I can talk late into the night with.

[Tarrick]

My main problem is when other people try to use phone as their main mode of communication. I have this one friend that really wants to talk to me, but she's unwilling to email, and I'm unwilling to get caught in a "'till-my-phone-battery-dies" conversation with her.

That's irritating. I can't imagine communicating solely by phone. I've "had" to cut conversations short before, so you have my sympathy (assuming I can get a hold of any; no promises.). Also, is it just me, or has our society made it entirely too inconvenient to quickly end a call. The "goodbye" ritual takes waaay too long.

[Jon]

And just for the record, this totally counts as showing affection because I'm supressing my intense dislike of the phone for these people.

I think our lives would be exponentially easier if people understood this.

[Rei]

I think our lives would be exponentially easier if people understood this.

*nods*

BTW... don't you hate how the phone REALLY hurts your ear when you've been on it for a long time?

[Firelie]

Also, is it just me, or has our society made it entirely too inconvenient to quickly end a call. The "goodbye" ritual takes waaay too long.


It's not just you. *There are very few people that get the hint anymore when you say "Well, I need to go now". *Some of those really talkative folks take half an hour to disentangle from your ear.

[Rei]

Some of those really talkative folks take half an hour to disentangle from your ear.


Oh yeah... after some 50 million times you've said "I've got to go" and "bye" and "really I have to go now" and then finally "i'm just going to hang up"

[Opti]

I have always hated phones. I used to put of calling family for weeks in order to avoid it. I rarely answer the phone at home. I only answer it at work because I need to. My mother once branded me a made up 'phonophobic'.

[radioactivez0r]

I agree with pretty much everything already said, and wanted to add that part of the problem for me, I think, is the lack of a visual stimulus. My mom always gets on my case when she's on the phone because I'll be doing something on my computer simultaneously. If there's just a disembodied voice, it doesn't hold my attention.

[Tarrick]

Hey I've had a conversation with someone in my room, on Skype and Vent and a chat program. While doing something on the computer.

[Rei]

I agree with pretty much everything already said, and wanted to add that part of the problem for me, I think, is the lack of a visual stimulus. *My mom always gets on my case when she's on the phone because I'll be doing something on my computer simultaneously. *If there's just a disembodied voice, it doesn't hold my attention.

You're right. Especially if i was in the middle when i got the call... I just end up replying unconciously to things i didn't really process.

[Firebert]

I absolutely detest phones. I don't feel as if my point gets across clearly and I can't find anything to talk about. I don't know about you, but most of my sense of humor is situational...I have no jokes when someone isn't present.

The worst thing in my opinion is the cell phone. I've put off getting one until this year because I absolutely hate the idea of someone being able to reach me whenever they want; that they can interrupt whatever it is that I'm doing to talk my ear off. It just pisses me off when someone calls to check on something when they're going to be there personally in 30 sec.

[Tarrick]

Agreed. Which is why I really enjoy utilizing one of the most useful features on a cell phone: The Off Button.

[qwerty]

Very much the same but I still prefer talking to people in person. I'd much prefer to read their body language and argue as anyone can argue over text but very few can come up with pure comebacks one after the other in person.

[wolf]

I have a severe aversion to telephones, teetering on the brink of hate, be they land-based or mobile, but I maintain a mobile in case I need it (which I sometimes do) for text (which I prefer if one must converse with me while I'm away from a computer) and because it's the best way to keep a chronometer handy without wearing a garish and uncomfortable watch.

Had one from 2000 through 2004 (well, a number of them, but the first was after over a year of avoiding getting one before my employer left one on my desk), then got rid of it and didn't have another until March of this year, and purely for job-search needs. I was an early adopter of text messaging (back when they cost 10 cents or more to send/receive) because it was dramatically less stressful than a phone call, which I've always disliked/avoided (text messages were better back when people had to be succinct, too, because they cost enough that people wouldn't send them endlessly (my brother can send a dollar worth of monologue sometimes)). I don't answer at least half of the calls I receive and I usually make no more than one every couple weeks (maybe two or three, if you count checking voice mail). 70% of the calls I get are from my parents, my brother, or my aunt in Los Angeles; about 15-20% are wrong numbers, 5% are from my aunt and uncle in Bakersfield (will start approaching zero now), and the remainder is split between my best friend, former clients, and my employer. I distinctly prefer text message conversations with anyone that has a cell phone and is young enough to know how to text, although I don't text with anyone that writes in cutesy texting shorthand because it drives me crazy. It also takes me hours to days on end to build up the courage to make a phone call, for a combination of call-anxiety (How will they react? Will they react negatively?) and dread of the length of time it might consume. I sometimes create a strategy to avoid the call lasting too long, but it doesn't always work for some of the impossibly-talkative types.

I'm not even that keen on face-to-face, though it's better than a phone call. Email is the best way to reach me at my first possible convenience and I'm glad to compose one provided I have anything to say in response.

Also, is it just me, or has our society made it entirely too inconvenient to quickly end a call. The "goodbye" ritual takes waaay too long.


It's not just you. There are very few people that get the hint anymore when you say "Well, I need to go now". Some of those really talkative folks take half an hour to disentangle from your ear.
This reminds me of my father. I hate picking up a call from my parents because it'll be one of two people: Mom or Dad, but Mom never leaves voice messages and Dad will take a bare minimum of 30-45 minutes before he finally quits babbling in my ear after I've been trying to end the call for the last 28-44 minutes, but trying my absolute hardest not to be overtly rude. It's mind-numbing, like listening to some kind of pull-string doll that someone just keeps pulling every time it runs out. I want to build a device that generates electricity from mouth movements and sound waves, find someone else like him, and get them in one of their vacuous small-talk "conversations"; it'll end all the world's energy woes.

[Rei]

I absolutely detest phones. I don't feel as if my point gets across clearly and I can't find anything to talk about. I don't know about you, but most of my sense of humor is situational...I have no jokes when someone isn't present.

The worst thing in my opinion is the cell phone. I've put off getting one until this year because I absolutely hate the idea of someone being able to reach me whenever they want; that they can interrupt whatever it is that I'm doing to talk my ear off. It just pisses me off when someone calls to check on something when they're going to be there personally in 30 sec.

I've always needed a cell phone for... transportation purposes. I hate bussing everywhere, it's so time consuming, so for the sake of getting a drive, I needed a cell phone. And for the sake of my watch-but-don't-ask mother... she calls periodically to see if i have slurred speech etc etc :D

But most of my phone calls never last any longer than 30 seconds. If it does extend longer than that, I'm either simply listening to a rant coming from one of the FEW people I'll tolerate ranting at me, or I'm getting highly agitated to the point where I start to offer simple solutions or interrupt with an "in short you mean..." and then if it continues, I'll suddenly scream into the phone "GET TO THE F***ING POINT!" or "MAKE UP YOUR F***ING MIND!"

[Guido]

Talking with my INTP friend over the phone isn't so bad.

Him: "Hey, what's up"
Me: "Sup"
Him: "You want to go for food?"
Me: "Sure"
Him: "Alto's?"
Me: "Sure"
Him: "I'll be outside your place in 5"
Me: "k"

*click*

That's the way phone calls are supposed to be :D

[Rei]

Well you have an INTP friend that makes decisions.

My INTP friend is always reluctant to make decisions. And I sometimes feel bad about always doing things my way that I try to make her make decisions... which usually ends up disaster because she never does it, and I end up getting frustrated. And then we end up just meeting at a spot with many possibilities and take it from there. (INTP spontanaity *sp)

[Tarrick]

Guido, that is a phone conversation meant to design and execute a plan. Those I don't mind at all.

[Rei]

Guido, that is a phone conversation meant to design and execute a plan. Those I don't mind at all.

Well even those, it'd much rather it NOT be on the phone because you can't really tell how satisfied the other party is with the final plan...

[Tarrick]

Well even those, it'd much rather it NOT be on the phone because you can't really tell how satisfied the other party is with the final plan...

It does when you talk with people who know how to communicate. I most regularly have these conversations with other Rationals or at least people who have professional experience at executing plans that require at least some of the details to be done over the phone.

[Guido]

I think my INTP friend is more decisive around me, because otherwise I give him shit about it. It has happened before where I don't have a preference and I find myself saying "Look, I really don't care, just pick wherever you want to go" (refering to the list of places we've just discussed). Alto's however is a very standard place we eat at. He has MSN though... so I'm not entirely sure why he has to call. But I manage.

[Rei]

I think my INTP friend is more decisive around me, because otherwise I give him shit about it. It has happened before where I don't have a preference and I find myself saying "Look, I really don't care, just pick wherever you want to go" (refering to the list of places we've just discussed). Alto's however is a very standard place we eat at. He has MSN though... so I'm not entirely sure why he has to call. But I manage.

IT DOESN"T WORK FOR ME :'(

Whenever we go to eat, I never really have a preference. So I always try to make her decide... but she never does, because according to her, I don't eat enough... and so we must find something I like to eat, so I will eat more.
:suspicious:

To Tarrick's comment:
Let's just say I suck on the phone in general... so I hate it. Once I had to do a phone-in interview, I had to psyc up for it for DAYS...

[Guido]

I only eat when I get hungry, plain and simple. If I'm full, I'll stop eating. Is that just me? Or have I somehow roboticized and optimized eating o.0

[Tarrick]

I only eat when I get hungry, plain and simple. If I'm full, I'll stop eating. Is that just me? Or have I somehow roboticized and optimized eating o.0

You are apparently too logical for your friends. Tell them they need a software upgrade.

[Rei]

I do the same.
I stop eating when I'm not longer hungry. *Because if you eat till you're full, it means you're constantly pushing your stomach to be large. *Which means you'll eat more and more... which in turn means you'll get fat; which - at this age - for me is not good.

Off topic...

[rwyatt365]

I have a severe aversion to telephones, teetering on the brink of hate, be they land-based or mobile, but I maintain a mobile in case I need it (which I sometimes do) for text (which I prefer if one must converse with me while I'm away from a computer) and because it's the best way to keep a chronometer handy without wearing a garish and uncomfortable watch.

...

I'm not even that keen on face-to-face, though it's better than a phone call. Email is the best way to reach me at my first possible convenience and I'm glad to compose one provided I have anything to say in response.

I'm with you Wolf. My father is ALWAYS on me about my not calling him in Florida (like my sisters do). My point to him is, "if I have something to say, I will call, if I don't I won't".

[The Rose]

Isn't that funny.
I love talking on the phone -
as long as it's about something important or significant.
I have been known to spend 2 or 3 hours on the phone.
Sometimes I prefer it to face to face.
So much more efficient.
Just think about all that gas and time I'm saving.

My problem is I don't have anyone to talk to -
which is why I'm here! :'(

I'm with you Wolf. My father is ALWAYS on me about my not calling him in Florida (like my sisters do). My point to him is, "if I have something to say, I will call, if I don't I won't".

This reminds me of my difficulty writing letters.
I always feel like I don't have anything to say.
It's that I can't think of anything IMPORTANT enough.

[StJimmy]

I generally don't like talking on the phone at all, I resisted getting a cell for years.

[rwyatt365]

This reminds me of my difficulty writing letters.
I always feel like I don't have anything to say.
It's that I can't think of anything IMPORTANT enough.

When (if) think of something to say I can write volumes. Five handwritten pages from me is just a warm-up (and my handwriting is comparable in size to 10pt Arial). But if I'm asked to "say something" my mind goes completely blank and I freeze up! I marvel at those people that can go on and on for hours. It's like, "How do you DO that!" I don't want to emulate them, I just wonder at the workings of a mind that can generate so many words with so little information.

[StJimmy]

ugh, my handwriting is poor. lack of practice over the years i suppose, and to be honest i think word processors spoiled me. it's far, far harder for me to compose with pen and paper.

i had started off on a tangent and realized i would totally hijack this thread. a bad habit of mine.

so yeah, phones suck, and i really, really dislike cell phones. i work in a restaurant, and people in general have very poor cell phone etiquette.

the jerkoffs with the bluetooth ear pieces are the worst.

[rwyatt365]

ugh, my handwriting is poor. *lack of practice over the years i suppose, and to be honest i think word processors spoiled me. *it's far, far harder for me to compose with pen and paper.

i had started off on a tangent and realized i would totally hijack this thread. *a bad habit of mine.

so yeah, phones suck, and i really, really dislike cell phones. *i work in a restaurant, and people in general have very poor cell phone etiquette.

the jerkoffs with the bluetooth ear pieces are the worst.

Frankly, I've always had a cell phone - I love the technology (although I don't always follow the latest trend, e.g. I don't have an iPhone). But I use them mostly; a) to text my wife, b) to store music on, c) as a PDA. I only acknowledge 2 callers on my cell, my wife and my son, everyone else goes to VM.

PS - folks have always said I have beautiful handwriting. Most are amazed that I write so small. I learned to do that to keep people from cheating off of me in school.

[aude]

I hate phones as well. I yelled at almost all my friends for calling me all the time. If they start talking endlessly, i just take receiver and bang it on wall a few times or i will just sit there and make weird noises. Why do people feel like a phone is meant for talking about there day,what they did and there bowl movements.

I agree with the whole writing letters as well. I dont remember the last time i wrote a letter to some one.

[Andersen]

YEP! As an INTJ, I hate talking on the phone unless ABSOLUTELY necessary, and then it's only to specify plans. Whereas, I've noticed with my Extroverted GF, she can spend all day talking on the phone, although she never answers the phone when she's working.

[wise]

I avoid phone conversations if possible. I'm always looking for the first way out of the conversation.

[Jbmontag]

Wow, this is awesome. I don't even own a phone, I can't stand them. Normally I get the look as if I grew a second head when I tell people.

[bikerscars]

my phone calls are short and to the point unless i am returning a loved ones call...

then it's their show

outside of work- i almost never answer a ringing/vibrating phone...

i listen to the message first

[TheFreeThinker]

I don't like phone conversations because I usually don't have a lot to say on the phone but it is a different case while I'm talking to my loved ones – I can talk to them longer.

I still remember that once my aunt (I don’t consider her a loved one but just a relative) had called from another country and after saying a few things I cut the line faking that I was not hearing her....."hallo.....hallo.....hallo.....I can not hear you....._____". I was not trying to be mean to her. I just did not know what else to say.

[deicruxified]

Just curious...do any of you hate talking on the phone?

I can't stand it. *I either have to be able to see your face when I'm talking to you, or I have to use text so I can compose my thoughts.

{edit: Guess I should've read the psychology section first, huh?}
ditto absolutely... i always tell my friends to inform me first before they call coz i hate phones ringing (my phone is always on silent mode). at home, when i'm alone, i unplug the phone... however, if the call's important, i prepare cue cards first. strange thing was i was also preparing one when i was talking with my ex when we're still together... i often sleep on the phone lol

[rasoirviolon]

I can truly say that I loathe talking on the phone! I admit it may even be as severe as Telephonophobia (fear of telephones). Before I make a phone call (which is a rarity) I antagonise over it for hours...even days. When I tell people I don't have a cellphone they are appalled as to how I survive. Considering other forms of communication I do fairly well if it is face-to-face in a one-on-one setting. Putting that aside, it is best for me to communicate through instant messaging services and email.

[Zard Lucifer]

Agreed. Which is why I really enjoy utilizing one of the most useful features on a cell phone: The Off Button.

LOL! I only use the phone to set up a conversation elsewhere, I prefer to talk to people face to face. If that's not possible, there's always the internet and text messaging.

@Rei, yes it hurts when you've been on the phone for a long time. The longest conversation I've had over the phone was 10 hours, 5 hours on the left ear, the other 5 on the right. Both ears got sore.
I hated it. Maybe that's why I dislike phones now. >_<

[Jezebel]

The longest conversation I've had over the phone was 10 hours, 5 hours on the left ear, the other 5 on the right.
[smiley=wreck.gif] . . . wow. I'm perplexed and horrified. That was a continuous conversation?

[Zard Lucifer]

@Jezebel - Ayeap. 'Only took breaks to take a leak. I ate with my phone on my ear.

[generalowk]

Very much the same but I still prefer talking to people in person. I'd much prefer to read their body language...

I dislike talking on the phone in general. I can have long-ish talks with a select few. I prefer face-to-face to personal talks, and text for informative/business-type communication. Email is so much better than voice mail and phones.

I tend to gesticulate a lot when I talk, and I like to read the body language of others as well. Also, I think eye contact is important for certain moments.

[Rei]

@Jezebel - Ayeap. 'Only took breaks to take a leak. I ate with my phone on my ear.

What in the world was the topic of conversation, that it could last TEN HOURS?!

[biased]

I don't mind phone conversations. I'm generally less familiar with them but it's becoming somewhat interesting learning to express myself via voice tone and word choice as opposed to text. I find that some information/experiences simply transfer better in speech as opposed to text.

I agree that nothing beats face-to-face but people seem awfully busy in this society today. "Go Go Go" seems like the mentality. It's as if we forgot to "relax" in moderation (not to the degree stoners relax).

[justmeiguess]

Finally, others who feel my pain! I knew there was a reason I loved this forum. My parents think I'm weird for letting the answer phone do all the work, but when it's most likely a person I don't want to talk to (and I hate talking on the phone as it is) what would be the point in answering it?

I'm another who suffers from telephonephobia. I've spent the last couple of days psyching myself up to ring up this company about work experience. Even today when I knew I absolutely had to do it I spent about twenty minutes staring at the phone, staring out the window, trying to work out an answer to every possible answer I might get when I rang up and revising my cue card. :-[
Honestly, why can't people just reply to emails like they're supposed to?! >:(

[thegnat]

Mom *loves* talking on the phone. I *dislike(I won't say hate because I'm a lot better at it than I used to be)* talking on the phone. Unless it's short and sweet. I only tolerate it with my mom because I have to. But she calls me so freaking much(like twice a day sometimes - at least once)! I'm 20! And she likes to talk for long periods of time about pointless things (to me - again because we call *so much* she doesn't need to "catch up" in my opinion and my life is very routine). Unfortunately she's technophobic and *hates* email. If she could only see the beauty in email life would be easier...it also makes for awkward phone calls sometimes because sometimes I end up zoning out because of the subject matter or the length of conversation or whatever...

[deicruxified]

lol... i just want to share this one.

last week a former colleague of mine who's claiming to be "my bestfriend" (sheesh) paid me a visit. our conversation:

she: how come you're not calling anymore (she's an e by the way... i called her only once)
me: i'm busy with a lot of stuff
she: know you're not? you're just thinking the whole night why don't you call me?
me: i don't call when it's not necessary. i'm thinking about the phone bill as well. if you really want to have a chat with me, you call.

lol... then she calls me "best friend" my best friend pays for an overseas call if she wants to call me...it's what people call "sacrifice" or "give and take"... in her case, it should always be her so i'm sorry she's not a friend

[cielo market]

I knew it was an INTJ thing.

[TruorTupnm]

Ugh. I have rehearsed most phone calls before making them. I am not a large fan of them. I planned on buying a little house phone just because I might need it for work to get a hold of me, but some relative tossed some cell phone thing at me after sticking all kinds of other numbers in it for me. Ick. I only call someone if it is necessary. Luckily, I haven't had to deal with many who enjoy talking for no good reason, and my voice always betrays my annoyance at talking to anyone for too long. Face to face or very short, otherwise. I attempted to get into the e-mail and I. M. stuff, but I haven't gotten especially good at conveying sarcasm, which makes for many misunderstandings.

[logan235711]

so much for INTJs being reasonable, why would you want to waste all the time typing some message that you could say in 5 seconds over the phone? the only excuses that people have made is that they can get their thoughts better when writing, if that's the case, suck it up and get better at talking all your doing is wasting your time and everyone else's by being too lazy to work on it.

[TruorTupnm]

Do what? The I. N. T. J. is pure reason. It was explained that plenty of information gets conveyed by way of body language and facial contortions, which is why face to face is best. Also, Yay honesty. They could totally be making fun of you while sounding superly sincere and thankful.

[Chainsaw Dundee]

I have an odd relationship with the phone. I'll go for literally weeks without having a conversation that lasts more than 2 minutes, but other times I'll manage to stay on the phone for hours at a time engrossed in conversation throughout.

The phone goes against INTJ's nature in a sense, but it is possible to surpass these "barriers".

For one, you can't think of shit for too long before you say it. If you must, think aloud. For some, the pressure of having to say something will become more apparent as the awkward silence grows in length. Eliminate this trait as soon as possible, as it is beneficial in no way. Instead, replace the tension with spontaneity. Learn to make people lol. Personally I think dark rooms, or at least some place with few distractions is the best place to hold a phone conversation. I think most people hold minimal awareness of their environment, which is why it makes something like talking on the phone so easy.

I need to go to bed.

[Solaris]

The longest phone conversation I have ever had was with an INTJ male. We were in high school and talked on the phone for 8 hours once. It took me a long time to realize that he probably was kicking himself over and over for not saying he liked me (because I later learned that he did, a lot). I had another INTJ male friend call me once and say he didn't know why he called...but proceeded to chat me up for the next 45 minutes. I don't know why he did call, but I'm certain he does. He never does anything without knowing why he's doing it.

[logan235711]

The longest phone conversation I have ever had was with an INTJ male. We were in high school and talked on the phone for 8 hours once. It took me a long time to realize that he probably was kicking himself over and over for not saying he liked me (because I later learned that he did, a lot). I had another INTJ male friend call me once and say he didn't know why he called...but proceeded to chat me up for the next 45 minutes. I don't know why he did call, but I'm certain he does. He never does anything without knowing why he's doing it.
are you married yet?!

[ShaiGar]

Surely not all of you hate talking on the phone, I have an INTJ friend in brisbane (not seen since september last year) who calls me.

[Solaris]

are you married yet?!

To either of them? No. The first one and I are friends like siblings almost. The second....well, that's more complicated. If I could figure out a few things...I'd have a better idea about what in the heck to do.

But really, what INTJ makes a 45 minute phone call and doesn't know why? Do you INTJ guys do that?

In any case, I don't know what it is about me and INTJs, but it's fascinating. (sorry to keep repeating that, I just think it's odd to have been close to so many)

[LadyHuna]

My aversion to phone calls has caused my family to get real huffy in voice messages. But the one person I ALWAYS answer phone calls from is my grandma, because she'll want to end the conversation before I do and does it in a speedy fashion! THAT is awesome phone etiquette! I wonder what she is...

[iwin]

I hate phone conversations. I don't know why. No, I actually know why, because 80% of them are pointless. All those chit-chats, all those questions "how r u?" ... I prefer mails (text-messages) and messengers. But I usually answer only to people I consider to be my friends, or if I need something.

[Tuna]

(I'm not sure if I've replied to this thread already or not, so, here goes) I despise talking on the phone. The only person I can have a conversation with (usually a one-way conversation, she talks, I listen) is my ENFJ friend. I'm trying, at this very moment, to get up the courage to call my boyfriend since my family just bought brand new cellphones and I'd like to test them out. We both hate talking on the phone, though... I would only text message if I could and I am eternally grateful for e-mail.

[mind_wander]

Isn't that funny.
I love talking on the phone -
as long as it's about something important or significant.
I have been known to spend 2 or 3 hours on the phone.
Sometimes I prefer it to face to face.
So much more efficient.
Just think about all that gas and time I'm saving.

My problem is I don't have anyone to talk to -
which is why I'm here! :'(
I do the same, if its important then, I am longer. If its an advertising agency. Darn it, can they please shut up, I told them I got to go and not kidding around. Someone is telling me hang up the phone, I need something important from you. Darn you advertiser, see you got me into trouble :( Another trip into the life of the INTJ office.

In any case, I don't know what it is about me and INTJs, but it's fascinating. (sorry to keep repeating that, I just think it's odd to have been close to so many)
I think the 45min call is trying to say, "hey, you are interesting to talk too." What is thing called again? Casual spontanous conversation.

Well, I never met an female ENTJ, only male ENTJ's. The wavelength is very close, just one is intro and other is extro. My longest is 3hrs, darn blackout, then back again, lol. Who invented time any, so much to talk about. Once your busy, its kinda hard, but when you need to chat with an fellow ENTJ, they will be there for ya; regardless, if they are busy. Since, they understand what your kinda going through.

[Solaris]

Well, I never met an female ENTJ, only male ENTJ's. The wavelength is very close, just one is intro and other is extro. My longest is 3hrs, darn blackout, then back again, lol. Who invented time any, so much to talk about. Once your busy, its kinda hard, but when you need to chat with an fellow ENTJ, they will be there for ya; regardless, if they are busy. Since, they understand what your kinda going through.

I think that's the loyalty aspect of the xNTJ. I will drop (almost) everything for a friend/family member who needs me, or needs to talk.

[mind_wander]

I think that's the loyalty aspect of the xNTJ. I will drop (almost) everything for a friend/family member who needs me, or needs to talk.

Then, its nice for you to hang around with us. Don't abandon us now...Keep on going. It does goes to show Blonde people are stupid-looking at your pic.

[Solaris]

Then, its nice for you to hang around with us. Don't abandon us now...Keep on going. It does goes to show Blonde people are stupid-looking at your pic.

I believe you are trying to convey some sort of sarcasm, but English isn't your first langugage? Were you saying I'm a blonde? I assure you I'm not. And, I have no loyalty to you or these other people here. Loyalty develops over time, and is reserved for few. Lastly, I'm certainly not here as a favor to INTJ's -- I, like many of you, am here to learn more about the INTJ personality.

[rubbercorks]

uggg phones I really do not like to use them and I only answer my home phone if I am expecting a call, otherwise it goes to the machine. I really hate cell phones and I refuse to own one, I can really put it into words why, but I just do. I find that the people that use them the most are absolutely annoying and chatter endlessly about the most mundane of things that really do not need to be discussed. Personally I would rather talk on the phone for 2 min., get to what is planned for the day and go do it with that person instead of wasting time on the phone. I just find it a waste of time, money and effort. I try to be connected with people, but I refuse to be FUSED to them by having a cell phone.

[mind_wander]

I believe you are trying to convey some sort of sarcasm, but English isn't your first langugage? Were you saying I'm a blonde? I assure you I'm not. And, I have no loyalty to you or these other people here. Loyalty develops over time, and is reserved for few. Lastly, I'm certainly not here as a favor to INTJ's -- I, like many of you, am here to learn more about the INTJ personality.

Sorry, the first comment was a sarcasm. The second part, should be, "it goes to show slightly blonde people are not stupid." Too many quotations all around it, so typo can slip through.

uggg phones I really do not like to use them and I only answer my home phone if I am expecting a call, otherwise it goes to the machine. I really hate cell phones and I refuse to own one, I can really put it into words why, but I just do. I find that the people that use them the most are absolutely annoying and chatter endlessly about the most mundane of things that really do not need to be discussed. Personally I would rather talk on the phone for 2 min., get to what is planned for the day and go do it with that person instead of wasting time on the phone. I just find it a waste of time, money and effort. I try to be connected with people, but I refuse to be FUSED to them by having a cell phone.
You also, same here I refused to own one, but very soon I need one. Incase, for emergencies or need it for work.

[Solaris]

Mind-Wander: Aha! Now I think I get it. Thanks for the clarification.

[mind_wander]

Although, my intent was not offending you. Apparently, somebody else turned it into something creative. Actually, you don't want to go over 50 quotes, it just might freeze your comp. Actually, I've been on a fun spamming forum, which allow you own desires of fun; no holds bars. Go with the flow, and let it show. Kinda like that nice quote you just saw.

[spiritdetectivegirl]

I feel agitated when I have to talk to people just to chat and keep in touch. If I don't have anything that I really need to say, I often end up just mumbling between their sentences. At the very least, I prefer there to be a specific purpose behind the phone call.

I have the same problem. Genreal chit-chat is so uneeded and grulsome to me. If I do call it's for a reason, not just to see" See how you were doing."

[Tsuru]

Just curious...do any of you hate talking on the phone?

I can't stand it. I either have to be able to see your face when I'm talking to you, or I have to use text so I can compose my thoughts.

{edit: Guess I should've read the psychology section first, huh?}

I have this exact problem for the exact same reason. I looooooooooooathe talking on the phone. It's almost to the point of phobia. :(

[Colette]

Yes I really dislike the phone, and try to keep conversations as functional as possible, and end them as quickly as possible. Some people don't like this (notably close family members who seem to enjoy being endlessly discursive with me and taking up hours of my precious relaxation time in the evenings) :)

At work I use a headset exclusively, as I like to be able to talk on the phone and work on the PC at the same time (and also find that a handset often hurts my neck or arm).

[JTG]

I tried the calling "just to say hi" once. After saying "hi" there was a lot of empty (pronounced awkward) silence in the air.

Yeah... i'm not a phone person...

[Colette]

I tried the calling "just to say hi" once. After saying "hi" there was a lot of empty (pronounced awkward) silence in the air.

Yeah... i'm not a phone person...

I am reminded of the Stevie Wonder song...;)

I never call anyone to say "Hi" or catch up. Instead I try to fend off their attempts to do so :)

[JTG]

I just normally toss out this disclaimer when it becomes clear that somebody insists on calling me at least semi-frequently: "Look, i'm a pretty boring person. Don't get mad at me if i don't talk a lot. It just means i don't really have anything to talk about."

If that doesn't chase them off, it at least excuses me from talking while they're on the phone. Then i can get back to the thoughts i was thinking before they called me.

[Antares]

I don't like to stay on the phone for more than 30 seconds and I'm always in a hurry to end the conversation. My mom doesn't like that ;) My record was probably 1 hour.

"Yeah, and do you know..."
"Of course I know. Have a nice day!"
"But..."
"Yesyes. Byeeeee!"


I am reminded of the Stevie Wonder song...;)

I never call anyone to say "Hi" or catch up. Instead I try to fend off their attempts to do so :)

"I just called to say I love you; I just called to say how much I care." ATo view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts. :lovestruck:

[Uytuun]

Just curious...do any of you hate talking on the phone?

I can't stand it. I either have to be able to see your face when I'm talking to you, or I have to use text so I can compose my thoughts.

Exactly. And if you must call me, keep it short and functional. I love talking on the phone with my dad (also INTJ). :p

He: Hello. (optional) When will you get home?
Me: Hey. (very optional) 7.
He: Ok, see you then.
Me: Yes, bye.

*click*

[Zilal]

Yes, I hate the phone. Pauses are really necessary in conversation, I think, but terribly awkward on the phone. Plus I rely a great deal on body language in communication, and it's absent on the phone.

[Learning]

Just curious...do any of you hate talking on the phone?
I can't stand it. I either have to be able to see your face when I'm talking to you, or I have to use text so I can compose my thoughts.
{edit: Guess I should've read the psychology section first, huh?}

Yeah. If it's just chit chat: texting, emailing and the like... are much preferred. I like that I can relax & take my time responding, and also that it's done more smoothly & effeciently with texts/typing for those quick FYIs or whatever.
When it's something important though, I am adamant about doing it in person. There is so much that's said non-verbally that may be really important in letting me know how the conversation is going. I think it's just more effective communicating in person then, so there's less chance of a misunderstanding. (Which by what I see on this forum, happens all too often with intjs ;).)

[pavman]

The only time I feel comfortable calling is when its on official business as part of my job.

Otherwise, if its some chick I'm interested in (but have yet to establish a formal romantic relationship), I'm usually nervous and awkward. If she puts me at ease and I feel comfortable, then I get less nervous the next time. If she doesn't, then I get more nervous, because I'm not sure where I stand.

UGH! I hate it!

For instance, this INTP I'm chasing...she'll talk with me, but I always get this sense that she doesn't really want to talk with me... because she's so introverted and not so..friendly. Its really annoying, but we still go out together and we still chat on occasion. Maybe I should just give it up and go after a nice piece of a$$ instead of something more substantial...

[muguly]

I was just thinking about that when I came across this thread. I hate talking on the phone. Face to face or texting just work better for me. I need to see facial expressions or have enough time to gather my thoughts and respond. When you're on the phone, there is just an uncomfortable silence that seems to linger forever if nothing is said. Then I feel forced to make random small talk to take up dead air. Uncomfortable.

[Cytastic]

I'm not a big fan of the phone, mostly because I have a sarcastic sense of humor that is constantly in the ON position, and it's really hard to be sarcastic when the other person can't see your facial expression/body language.

[ENFP is curious]

i've been seeing an INTJ for a few months now. he talks on the phone with his long time friends and family regularly - but not me. when we DO chat on the phone he'll push me off eventually and then i feel stupid.

i don't get it, but i'm assuming it's a comfort thing.

[JTG]

I doubt he's pushing you off so much as he probably feels uncomfortable on the phone. As analytical as we (INTJ) are, phone conversations are a stressful thing sometmies. We're constantly trying to read expressions and tone of voice, basically trying to look into the person we're talking to. It's a lot harder on the phone unless you already know somebody really well, and that makes us nervous.

Personally, if i'm talking to a romantic interest on the phone, it helps if she does most of the talking. If something catches my interest, i can join in the conversation and thus become more comfortable and able to talk in the future. With another introvert on the phone though... it just feels awkward. I feel like i'm being bad company because of all the empty space in the conversation. It's either deal with empty space in the conversation or bite the bullet and take part in the grueling ritual known as small talk.

[Avenger]

I generally don't like speaking in with people over the phone.
The only exeception would be with my ENFP friend, but in those cases it's she who speaks 90% of the time.