Tinmaiden
04-02-2008, 09:21 PM
Hello... I'm an INTJ new to this thread and the Myers-Briggs. I believe that the classification fits me well, and there is a question that has been weighing heavily on my mind.
I have a friend who says that he is in love with me. We met online and have emailed and spoken over the phone, but have never actually met in real life. He is 16, and I am 19. I consider him a dear friend, though I have never been in love.
He just found out that he's dying of a tumor near his pituitary gland that is releasing an excess of growth hormone, and has been given a rough estimate of two weeks before it kills him. He's very sick and he has to be extremely frightened... but he tells me that my friendship and his thoughts of me give him strength and comfort. Tonight, over the telephone, I played my violin for him, an arrangement I'd put together of the Pachelbel Canon in D, which my parents were married to, and he cried. We talked for a long time; I asked him about his childhood in Russia, and even though I'm typically not an emotional person, I found myself crying. I found myself wanting to tell him something... anything... to make him feel better. So when he asked me if I loved him, I said "yes." I told him that I meant it in every sense of the word, and when he asked why, I said that it was because he was wise beyond his years, strong, and in this sick, putrid, twisted world, he'd found it within himself to love.
My dilemma is that I have still never been in love. Is telling a dying boy who thinks the world of me that I love him, for the reasons stated, a beautiful lie or a disgusting untruth? He deserves to be loved, and he deserves to feel loved, but he has only lived in the U.S. for a few months and has had little time to make friends. His host family can only do so much.
I'm both touched that I've somehow helped him deal with this, and terrified that he thinks so much of me. I also find myself unsure of how to deal with the things I'm "FEELING." (Yes, the F word. I'm a T.) Is it better to tell people why I can't stand to be in a room with laughter, or to just spend time alone? Has anyone else ever dealt with something like this?
I have a friend who says that he is in love with me. We met online and have emailed and spoken over the phone, but have never actually met in real life. He is 16, and I am 19. I consider him a dear friend, though I have never been in love.
He just found out that he's dying of a tumor near his pituitary gland that is releasing an excess of growth hormone, and has been given a rough estimate of two weeks before it kills him. He's very sick and he has to be extremely frightened... but he tells me that my friendship and his thoughts of me give him strength and comfort. Tonight, over the telephone, I played my violin for him, an arrangement I'd put together of the Pachelbel Canon in D, which my parents were married to, and he cried. We talked for a long time; I asked him about his childhood in Russia, and even though I'm typically not an emotional person, I found myself crying. I found myself wanting to tell him something... anything... to make him feel better. So when he asked me if I loved him, I said "yes." I told him that I meant it in every sense of the word, and when he asked why, I said that it was because he was wise beyond his years, strong, and in this sick, putrid, twisted world, he'd found it within himself to love.
My dilemma is that I have still never been in love. Is telling a dying boy who thinks the world of me that I love him, for the reasons stated, a beautiful lie or a disgusting untruth? He deserves to be loved, and he deserves to feel loved, but he has only lived in the U.S. for a few months and has had little time to make friends. His host family can only do so much.
I'm both touched that I've somehow helped him deal with this, and terrified that he thinks so much of me. I also find myself unsure of how to deal with the things I'm "FEELING." (Yes, the F word. I'm a T.) Is it better to tell people why I can't stand to be in a room with laughter, or to just spend time alone? Has anyone else ever dealt with something like this?