Crushes?

[blueback]

I noticed that I haven't had a crush on a girl since high school (I'm 24 now). I'm not sure if it's because my last crush was sort of a crush-to-end-all-crushes or if I grew out of it somehow.

What do you guys have to say? Did you ever have crushes? Did you grow out of the feeling eventually? Did it end after one powerful experience? Do you think you stopped because you conciously decided it wasn't worth it?

[thegnat]

I had them, then after coming to the realization that at least partially due to my personality and shyness(especially in high school), nothing would ever happen, they went away.

Right now if I even think about having one I rationalize "it would never happen" by thinking to myself "You're too busy" and thus, crushes go away rather quickly.

Essentially I rationalize them away. Either due to myself or because I'm busy.

[rwyatt365]

I noticed that I haven't had a crush on a girl since high school (I'm 24 now). *I'm not sure if it's because my last crush was sort of a crush-to-end-all-crushes or if I grew out of it somehow.

What do you guys have to say? *Did you ever have crushes? *Did you grow out of the feeling eventually? *Did it end after one powerful experience? *Do you think you stopped because you conciously decided it wasn't worth it?
I've had crushes all throughout my life, and frankly I hope it never stops! :-[

From the downstairs neighbor-girl (when I was 10), to the lady in the church choir – the one I should have married – I guess I'm the king of 'unrequited love'. I don't wear my heart on my sleeve, and rarely (I would almost say 'never') has that object of affection ever been aware of my ardor. It's my INTJ-borne shyness, introspection, self-doubt and walled-in emotions that have always interfered with that pursuit. Even when I wanted to be uninterested, there always seemed to be that one girl/woman created from 'unobtainium' that hovered just out of reach.

I know! It's very un-INTJ. But there always has seemed to be 'crush-material' out there for me.

[aelan]

I don't wear my heart on my sleeve, and rarely (I would almost say 'never') has that object of affection ever been aware of my ardor. It's my INTJ-borne shyness, introspection, self-doubt and walled-in emotions that have always interfered with that pursuit.
that describes me exactly.

Did you ever have crushes? *Did you grow out of the feeling eventually? *Did it end after one powerful experience? *Do you think you stopped because you conciously decided it wasn't worth it?
Yes, I remember my first crush at age 9, and determining that he was the boy that I would have a crush on was a completely rational process. *One day I realized that I was of 'crushing' age, and chose my crush on the basis of his "cuteness" and "niceness." *And that was it- I didn't try to talk to him, go out with him, or anything, he was just the boy I had a crush on.

I ended up having a couple more, and though there may have been an underlying emotional component, I think it was mostly rational at first- or at least that's what I wanted to believe. *I had convinced myself that you are able to choose who you are attracted to (and maybe you are to some extent, though I'm not so sure about that anymore), and fully believed that I made those decisions using my rational mind as opposed to emotions (I felt like you rationalize first, and then the emotions come after you determine that they are appropriate).

My high school crush is my last officially acknowleged crush. *It ended badly, though I guess that's half my fault for not making a move. *I was just so shy, and wasn't 100% sure that he liked me too, so I coudn't take that risk. *I had/have a horrible fear of rejection.

That was the last time I ever really let myself like an actual person (as opposed to someone I make up in my mind). *I've been attracted to people since then, some that would probably by most people's definitions qualify as a crush, but I didn't have a good enough reason to like them.

I find this interesting: relationships are probably the area of my life that I try to excert the most rational control- isn't love supposed to be irrational? *Maybe that's why I haven't actually been in any...

[cielo market]

If the basis is weak, crushes are a silly indulgence... But I have been known to "acknowledge" someone *:lovestruck:


:P

[Wolfie]

I don't wear my heart on my sleeve, and rarely (I would almost say 'never') has that object of affection ever been aware of my ardor. It's my INTJ-borne shyness, introspection, self-doubt and walled-in emotions that have always interfered with that pursuit.
that describes me exactly.

Did you ever have crushes? *Did you grow out of the feeling eventually? *Did it end after one powerful experience? *Do you think you stopped because you conciously decided it wasn't worth it?
Yes, I remember my first crush at age 9, and determining that he was the boy that I would have a crush on was a completely rational process. *One day I realized that I was of 'crushing' age, and chose my crush on the basis of his "cuteness" and "niceness." *And that was it- I didn't try to talk to him, go out with him, or anything, he was just the boy I had a crush on.

My high school crush is my last officially acknowleged crush. *It ended badly, though I guess that's half my fault for not making a move. *I was just so shy, and wasn't 100% sure that he liked me too, so I coudn't take that risk. *I had/have a horrible fear of rejection.

That was the last time I ever really let myself like an actual person (as opposed to someone I make up in my mind). *I've been attracted to people since then, some that would probably by most people's definitions qualify as a crush, but I didn't have a good enough reason to like them.

I find this interesting: relationships are probably the area of my life that I try to excert the most rational control- isn't love supposed to be irrational? *Maybe that's why I haven't actually been in any...


I like you last statement. Crushes are so irrational. It makes no sense. Well some do. I have had three crushes in three years. I acted on only two of these. I realize that being a boy means I have to take charge, but it is such a hassle! Anyways I told them that I liked them. One liked me back. The other said "Let's pretend we never had this conversation." Talk about sass! Evil girl. Anyways that made me want her more. So... eventually I think I got her to forget. Then I tried again. That time I won, but my dad got moved to a diff branch at work or something so we had to move. *Crushes are stupid. I hate being 14... GRR!!!!!! I think mostly it is just if they are hott, smart, sassy, or sweet that matters the most.
Once the puberty mostly stops pumping so much I'll probably stop getting crushes too. When is that? Late twenties?

[Rei]

My last crush was probably in my sophomore year or so...
After that I either actually liked the person, or I simply thought they were good-looking and nothing more.

I think I just grew out of it.

[OneBadMother]

Crushes have been a lifelong problem for me. I've learned that acting on them is generally a bad idea, and have decided that if I saturate myself with that person's presence for about a year (or however long it takes) and learn everything about them, eventually that crazy infatuation fog goes away.

While the crazy infatuation fog has gone away in all cases, there's one case where I still hold some lingering affection. My crushes are almost never based on appearance alone, and a personality I dislike can jolt me out instantly.

[mustangtech]

I had 2 crushes in middle school. Never told them, I figured I'm in middle school what would happen? We'd eat lunch together and she'd come to my football games? Hardly seemed worth the trouble. Had one crush in high school. This girl I had known since 4th grade and we had been good friends since then, but one day my freshman year in high school I "realized" she was very attractive, if that makes any sense. Had a crush on her throughout high school. Only acted on it my senior year, ie asking her to prom, got shot down...live goes on. No real crushes since then.

[HackerX]

Once the puberty mostly stops pumping so much I'll probably stop getting crushes too. When is that? Late twenties?

It gets beating out of you the day after you get married :P

[Nomad]

I had my first crush in my mid thirties, it's ongoing, and it's on a popular actress (actor, I suppose is the correct term now) I'm enjoying it enormously. No chance whatever anything would ever happen, which makes it safe, which has some appeal. It's just some harmless fun. No fan mail, no internet searches, I have not even seen all of her movies, but I run across the occasional article or picture and it brightens my day. I think life would be somewhat gray without a little beauty in it. Not very INTJ, I know, but for me, I've added a little richness to my life with these little indulgences.

[smiley=beatnik.gif]

-Nomad

[Paul V]

Essentially I rationalize them away.

Same here. I haven't found the right person yet, and I don't plan on getting on messy relationships (like everyone I know) until I find her. I can live just fine without the drama and the hurting.

[Solaris]

Essentially I rationalize them away.

Same here. I haven't found the right person yet, and I don't plan on getting on messy relationships (like everyone I know) until I find her. I can live just fine without the drama and the hurting.

I feel that way. However, I've had a couple relationships that started out ok, but got messy. I learned from them and know more about what I really do need. I've found that it's one thng to think you need a particular thing in a person, but then you have that, and it turns out to be all wrong for you. Now, I don't know if I'll even bother casually dating anymore, or just wait until I see what I know I need and want and go for it. Plus, having had relationships that sucked, I will appreciate the one that doesn't.

[Paul V]

Essentially I rationalize them away.

Same here. I haven't found the right person yet, and I don't plan on getting on messy relationships (like everyone I know) until I find her. I can live just fine without the drama and the hurting.

I feel that way. However, I've had a couple relationships that started out ok, but got messy. I learned from them and know more about what I really do need. I've found that it's one thng to think you need a particular thing in a person, but then you have that, and it turns out to be all wrong for you. Now, I don't know if I'll even bother casually dating anymore, or just wait until I see what I know I need and want and go for it. Plus, having had relationships that sucked, I will appreciate the one that doesn't.


Yes. That's how I think, except for the fact that I've never had a relationship in my life. I've stayed well away from them ever since people started using me as a confidant and telling me the misfortunes of their relationships. Combine that with a huge thirst for reading, and you'll find that I feel I've seen what relationships have to offer. And unless the pros outweight the cons (which are many), I'm not going to go for it.

[Solaris]

Essentially I rationalize them away.

Same here. I haven't found the right person yet, and I don't plan on getting on messy relationships (like everyone I know) until I find her. I can live just fine without the drama and the hurting.

I feel that way. However, I've had a couple relationships that started out ok, but got messy. I learned from them and know more about what I really do need. I've found that it's one thng to think you need a particular thing in a person, but then you have that, and it turns out to be all wrong for you. Now, I don't know if I'll even bother casually dating anymore, or just wait until I see what I know I need and want and go for it. Plus, having had relationships that sucked, I will appreciate the one that doesn't.


Yes. That's how I think, except for the fact that I've never had a relationship in my life. I've stayed well away from them ever since people started using me as a confidant and telling me the misfortunes of their relationships. Combine that with a huge thirst for reading, and you'll find that I feel I've seen what relationships have to offer. And unless the pros outweight the cons (which are many), I'm not going to go for it.

Understandable in a sense. However, those same people probably do not tell you about the positives of a relationship. Much like a forum for, Apple let's say (yes, I use a Mac), people tend to share only the faults and worst events. They leave out the great things. Books, well I love reading (and I do mean love), but they don't really paint a realistic picture of relationships. I can understand your rationale, but how do you assign a weight to each tick on the checklist? Some weigh more than others.

Sorry, I see my ENTJ "trying to push people to grow" trait is coming out. Take my thoughts as you will.

[deicruxified]

lol... i got a 10-year-and-still-counting crush on sliknot's drummer, joey jordison lol

[dayguard]

*reminiscing*
Had 3 major ones when I was 11, 14 and 16. Nowadays, I am looking forward to settle down eventually. Never been on a real date though. I am pretty picky. I would think the world of a crush and the magic is lost when I find out more about the person.

It's the same expectation I have on myself. That illusive perfection. I realise nobody's perfect... especially me. It doesnt hurt to dream.... does it? Well, nowadays I am just looking for someone who will be able to complement me.

[rwyatt365]

I kinda think of crushes as "worship from afar". There is a person that, for whatever reason, is out of reach but you have a compelling desire for that person. A crush is rarely rooted in a true understanding of that person, and often is irrational but nonetheless powerful.

That's why crushes that get fulfilled most often turn into messy relationships. It's one thing to lust after Sally in Biology class, it's another thing to be with her for a month and find out that she's a self-absorbed, brain-dead, ego-maniac. Crushes are best left in the realm of fantasy, they can't stand up to the harsh light of reality.

[iwin]

Interesting, how I'd know it's love, if it comes into my life?

[Rei]

I kinda think of crushes as "worship from afar". There is a person that, for whatever reason, is out of reach but you have a compelling desire for that person. A crush is rarely rooted in a true understanding of that person, and often is irrational but nonetheless powerful.

That's why crushes that get fulfilled most often turn into messy relationships. It's one thing to lust after Sally in Biology class, it's another thing to be with her for a month and find out that she's a self-absorbed, brain-dead, ego-maniac. Crushes are best left in the realm of fantasy, they can't stand up to the harsh light of reality.
Indeed... When I found out who my last crush was dating, I couldn't believe I ever thought he might be interesting. Total let down... of all people *shakes head*.

[sundance]

Interesting, how I'd know it's love, if it comes into my life?

haha.. same question here..

[TheBlindSage]

Yes, I remember my first crush at age 9, and determining that he was the boy that I would have a crush on was a completely rational process. *One day I realized that I was of 'crushing' age, and chose my crush on the basis of his "cuteness" and "niceness." *And that was it- I didn't try to talk to him, go out with him, or anything, he was just the boy I had a crush on.


Heh, I remember doing this exact thing, albeit with the genders switched.
I don't really think it was an actual crush though.
After all, it was rational decision...which automatically makes not viable.
As for actual crushes, I suppose I've had some, but I've never really realized it.
They go away because of lack of attention to them.
And of course, because of lack of attention, I forget about them.

[ElstonGunn]

I've had several. They usually lasted for a while. I can use them as a gauge of time during my high school years, like if I'm trying to figure out what year something happened, sometimes I think, "That was back when I liked Betty, so I must have been a junior."

[Autoptic]

The first was the girl next-door at age three. I've had a couple since, but it seems to have stopped completely, possibly internalizing into an abstract. That's probably going to bite me later if someone successfully becomes it's physical manifestation again.

[enfpchick]

I have had a crush on a guy every year since the second grade.
After a while I realize this guy is so "blah" so I move on.
The crush that really has me in a bind is this recent one on the INTJ guy.
You guys are hard to get over.

[Allie]

No crushes for me either, since high school/college (after husband). My married friends do have crushes even as of today though. So, it varies.

I have a feeling that when the time comes, blueback, you're probably going to fall really hard. It's like the calm before the storm. So enjoy the calm while it lasts!

[greenblob]

One real, major crush to speak of. It started freshman year of high school, when I brushed it off as a stupid infatuation that came with growing up and starting secondary school. When I noticed that it wouldn't go away so easily, I didn't think much of it and just continued with life, thinking that it will go away eventually. Then junior year it hit me and I've been unable to control it since.
Crushes are like parasites. If you don't kill it when it's young, it'll lurk in the shadows, growing more and more powerful until it overpowers you.

[Reon]

I had them, then after coming to the realization that at least partially due to my personality and shyness(especially in high school), nothing would ever happen, they went away.

Right now if I even think about having one I rationalize "it would never happen" by thinking to myself "You're too busy" and thus, crushes go away rather quickly.

Essentially I rationalize them away. Either due to myself or because I'm busy.

I do this a lot as well, but I bit the bullet on the girl I currently have a crush on and while we aren't 'dating' its obvious that we both like each other.

[Smoke n Mirrors]

I have to be careful when I think I have a crush on someone, because it's usually completely unrealistic, not just because there's no way they'll ever like me back, but because usually what I've got a crush on is an imaginary person in my head who happens to share the real person's name and physical characteristics, but that's about it.

I also have to watch that I'm not taking strong friendship feelings and mistaking those for a crush. This especially happens when I'm really missing somebody or when I'm worried I'll lose them for whatever reason.