Talking makes it worse...

[Haphazard]

There's been a few threads about INTJs and emotions in the past few days, and yes, INTJs most certainly have emotions. That much we've figured. I've also noticed that the few F types here went on a little about the virtues of understanding and caring about their emotions, while INTJs mostly said that they were 'impractical.'

I think I may have figured out why understanding my emotions is impractical.

The simple fact of the matter is that I don't get any satisfaction from diving deeply into my emotions and understanding them easily. In fact, I've found that the more I try to express them and talk them out, the worse I feel. On top of feeling extremely uncomfortable, I've found that all it does for me is manage to make me more upset about what I was originally upset about, and more permanently upset. If I do end up dumping my emotions on somebody, they'll notice that I'm often worse off than when they first started talking to me. Talking does nothing but make everything worse.

Like most people, I don't like this feeling, so I try to avoid it, and this usually ends up in that 'unhealthy bottling of emotions' that we're famous for. Does anybody else have any similar experiences? If the bottling up of emotions is bad, wouldn't this constant brooding be worse?

[dandylion]

This reminds me of times during early grade school. When I was upset, I would try to keep it to myself but I wasn't very good at it then, so whoever noticed the conflict on my face would ask me, "What's wrong?" and as soon as they said it I would start sobbing. That happened even when I wasn't really upset, just a little agitated for no reason.

Anyhow, I don't really like divulging my feelings to most people. I have done it a few times before to see if it's true that "letting it all out" will jump start the "healing process" but it doesn't really work. It just makes me more upset because I dwell on the subject more than I should, essentially blowing the subject into something bigger than it ought to be. Plus, it's a waste of time and nobody cares. Instead of moaning and whining about how sad I am, why not go and try to rectify things?

This only seems to apply for the more sad, depressing range of emotions for me, though. I get angry incredibly easily so keeping that bottled up is definitely not healthy.

[kantsuu]

Do you think there's anyone that you can talk to that won't just make it worse?

Generally, the INTJ I know seems to be doing better off (and sometimes calms down a lot) when he discusses his problems with me, but I don't encourage him to do that when he doesn't think it will be helpful - maybe it's only helpful on some sorts of issues?

As for me, I feel better usually after talking to certain people who won't just give me sympathy. Sympathy isn't usually what I need (and often just makes me frustrated - it seems so fake a lot of the time) - I need someone to kick start a more rational understanding of what I'm feeling. There are only a few people I trust to be able to do that, but usually talking to them helps immensely. Unsurprisingly, the INTJ is one of those few - he won't hold back in telling me when he thinks I'm being irrational and his explanations usually help.

[mkay]

I'm solution-oriented. I don't like to wallow or chew over feelings like cud either. I rarely gripe, because I'm similar -- I don't feel any better after.

That said, I don't bottle up or ignore my feelings. I'm a strong person and having feelings will never make me weak. But I can deal with my feelings in a "strong" way (acknowledge and deal with them effectively) or in a "weak" way (pretend they don't exist, let them fester).

I don't need to be heard out or sympathized with. If there's something bugging me, I figure out how to fix the problem or change the situation. Sometimes I just need to put the problem into better perspective.

If I want to bounce ideas off someone about a "fix" I'm considering, I ask only those people I know will have specific useful advice. I ask thinkers, not feelers. It usually turns out my initial idea for a fix will work best. But I'm confident enough to know that it doesn't weaken me to ask for input at times.





mkay added to this post, 9 minutes and 7 seconds later...

Bottling up emotions was also discussed on the ENTP forum.

My two cents were: If you feel something so strongly that it requires bottling, then it's more efficient to deal with it and get it outta the way. Then it's done and not interfering with whatever else I wanna get done. If it has to be bottled, that's an ongoing thing, unnecessary effort. To me, it's like paying the full balance on my credit card every month; I don't pay interest.

[Flamethrower]

There's been a few threads about INTJs and emotions in the past few days, and yes, INTJs most certainly have emotions.
The simple fact of the matter is that I don't get any satisfaction from diving deeply into my emotions and understanding them easily. In fact, I've found that the more I try to express them and talk them out, the worse I feel. On top of feeling extremely uncomfortable, I've found that all it does for me is manage to make me more upset about what I was originally upset about, and more permanently upset. If I do end up dumping my emotions on somebody, they'll notice that I'm often worse off than when they first started talking to me. Talking does nothing but make everything worse.

Like most people, I don't like this feeling, so I try to avoid it, and this usually ends up in that 'unhealthy bottling of emotions' that we're famous for. Does anybody else have any similar experiences? If the bottling up of emotions is bad, wouldn't this constant brooding be worse?

I live with an INTJ and this sort of thing can be a bit of a problem. Getting him to express his feelings on anything important is a bloody nightmare and damn near impossible. In the past when I've known something is bothering him and tried talking about it I've always just ended up feeling like I am bulldozing him into a corner and forcing him to do something he doesn't want to. And it is frustrating trying to talk seriously to someone who would rather run away! Not that I am particularly adept at expressing my feelings either but I am more confident and I think it is good to have a couple of people close to you that you talk to about personal things. The problem is that because he is so quiet I never know if there is any problem until it is unavoidable, and on the flip side if I need to talk about something I have to go seek out one of my ENTJ friends because he will not enter into personal discussions.

[Haphazard]

Do you think there's anyone that you can talk to that won't just make it worse?

Generally, the INTJ I know seems to be doing better off (and sometimes calms down a lot) when he discusses his problems with me, but I don't encourage him to do that when he doesn't think it will be helpful - maybe it's only helpful on some sorts of issues?

As for me, I feel better usually after talking to certain people who won't just give me sympathy. Sympathy isn't usually what I need (and often just makes me frustrated - it seems so fake a lot of the time) - I need someone to kick start a more rational understanding of what I'm feeling. There are only a few people I trust to be able to do that, but usually talking to them helps immensely. Unsurprisingly, the INTJ is one of those few - he won't hold back in telling me when he thinks I'm being irrational and his explanations usually help.

There's really nobody I can talk to that doesn't make this worse because what makes me feel worse is me. A problem, given enough time chatted about, turns from a relatively normal problem into a personal vendetta against all of humanity in seconds flat, and all of the sudden I'm sobbing and all the comfort in the world doesn't do a goddamned thing, and advice won't penetrate the sobbing until I've calmed down (which usually takes, well, about an hour).

I don't know if it's so much bottling up emotions as it is that they explode when exposed to air, making them look absolutely volatile. :irked: Whenever I can be coaxed into spilling my guts, I just get worse.

[Danneh]

Hap, perhaps you should try a different way of talking about your problems then. I have to see a therapist now, or not be allowed back in school v.v', so every day I go into her bloody office it's

"How are you?"
"Well done, lacking sauce, probably not very chewy, and cold."
"Ah, so your in a rant mood today."

Or, I'll say something more off the wall, and then it's a problem solving day.

Seriously, I hate it more than life itself, but her analyzing how to talk to me made it a little bit better. I've only made her cry once sense, so that has to account for something.

Instead of just letting it all out, work on it bit by bit, and find a way to deal with it that way.

Believe me, it's better than ending up in some Psychs office sitting in a hula hoop "Because this is Kristen's personal space."

[vaguely dissatisfied]

I think that INTJ's should express their feeings, but only after a long period of contemplating them by themselves. Basically, this gives us a chance to explore the feeing as well as calm down about it. Once we've thought it through and decided if it is a reasonable reaction, then we can explore how we want to deal with it (if at all). After this process, the feeling becomes more managable and can be dealt with openly if required.

[Flamethrower]

There's really nobody I can talk to that doesn't make this worse because what makes me feel worse is me. :irked: Whenever I can be coaxed into spilling my guts, I just get worse.

Well, I suppose if you don't like talking to someone in person writing instead on somewhere like here is probably better. At least it is out of your head then. Or does that also make you feel worse too?

[Szarra]

Let me see if I can make some sense out of what I'm thinking...

When I, as an INFP type, feel bad I "express" myself with crying, ranting, raving or whatever the emotion calls for. (Though I usually don't do this in front of other people.)
My INTJ husband however, will sit down and think "A + B + C = the way I feel right now". Sometimes he can verbalize it to me and sometimes he can't.

I think pushing the feelings down is bad. They just fester and build up. You need to express them but that doesn't mean you have to do it the way I do. You are a thinker. You like to look at things logically. (I hope I'm getting this right.) Most people think you can't apply logic to emotions but I believe some people can and do. Like Mkay said, try to focus on the solution rather than the problem. Find people that can help you do this. Or maybe writing it down as Flamethrower suggested. Not necessarily as a letter to someone but more of a pros and cons list.

Whatever you decide to do, I hope it works out well for you. (I really want to add a hug at this point but I probably shouldn't. :) )

[mkay]

Most people think you can't apply logic to emotions but I believe some people can and do.

Yup, that's what I do. My mood is usually good and steady. When it deviates negatively, I identify the cause, if I don't know already. Then I analyze that problem logically. Like I run various scenarios -- if I do X, I'd likely get X result; if I do Y, I'd likely get Y result. I think about probabilities and what would resolve my immediate problem best, within the context of the bigger picture (because the best solution for my immediate problem might ripple into something else I want to accomplish that I consider a higher priority). I usually have a very strong sense of what will work best, but if not, I will bounce my idea off a thinker (because I'm looking for logic, not sympathy). I can draw from other thinkers' experience and perspectives.

I also use techniques that are associated with "resilience" or "hardiness." I came by these skills organically, but they are skills that anyone can learn (businesses pay some people good money to teach their employees). I recently read a book on the subject ("Resilience at Work: How to Succeed No Matter What Life Throws at You"). It didn't offer any skills I hadn't already internalized, but it systematically laid out exercises that I could use as a manager to help people who lack resilience. The skills apply logic to emotions, and they're easily adaptable for use throughout life. (I found the book repetitive and chunky at the beginning, but the latter half is better because it gets to the steps. There might be better books out there; this is the only I've read on the subject.)

For me, the combination of not wallowing and actively taking steps to attack a problem makes me feel strong and effective -- I never see myself as helpless, victimized or overwhelmed. I don't get bogged down in irrationality.

[ElstonGunn]

I hate talking about my problems, unless someone is going to give me a solution. If a problem can be fixed, then you might as well discuss it. Otherwise, talking about it is like poking an open sore.

I don't really understand why people feel the need to "vent" their frustrations, either. I do it myself from time to time, but it doesn't help at all. It's like yelling at your car because it ran out of gas-- it can be fun to yell at things, but it doesn't solve the problem at all.

I'd also like to point out that bottling up feelings works perfectly fine as long as you can keep doing it. The usual reason people give for why it's a bad idea to repress things is that thing about how you'll eventually explode. Exploding in a flurry of emotions isn't exactly the same thing as ignoring your emotions, is it? Hypothetically, if you never reached that outburst, I don't see what the problem is, aside from being a stoic badass. ;) (I'm mostly just being a smartass, here. Don't take this last part too seriously.)

[sriv]

I feel the same way. I have been bottling up my emotions for a very long time and even in my childhood, even when I was extremely depressed, I did not break down. I think it depends on how much one knows about oneself. If you can reconcile your emotions in yourself, then you can accept them and not have to let them out at all. Then can be let out in your head as easily as they can be expressed. At this point all I want to talk about is why I should not bottle up my emotions. I do not talk about my emotions unless they are justified for the situation and in that case, it feels right and makes me feel better. Often I do not and I just think to myself. I am going to play some more with this idea of harboring emotions internally not externally. Are humans meant to extrovert emotions? Maybe it is a matter of internal strength and fortitude to contain them.

[malefide]

Sometimes what seems "bottling of emotions" to other people is just an internal analysis. I don't often have the need to openly express my feelings to other people--but I do try to acknowledge them to myself if I can. In this way, after any strong/significant emotion has passed over, I can calmly and logically--yes, logically--look at what is going on and what would be the best way to solve my issues. Like others above have mentioned, it is possible to deal with emotions in a relatively logical way. I like to identify the cause(s) and effect(s) of my emotional mind and delve into them as deeply as possible. Understanding and analyzing what is going on gives me insight so that I can best improve my emotional and mental state, as well as put things in perspective and look at the situation more objectively so I don't get overwhelmed with negativity or irrationality.

Often if I do openly talk about my emotions they become even more aggravated afterward. I often feel that I cannot adequately convey the exact nature of my thoughts to another person, and this inevitable ambiguity due to the imprecision of human language is disquieting to me. So I can meditate my emotions into a certain quietness and with time--and usually only with time--they naturally fade into the background of my mind and disappear forever.

[futureperfect5]

You :idea: reminded me of the 2 blondes at the end of my hallway freshman year. They were both about 5ft even and lots of fun.

I was in their room one day when I saw their affirmation statements on the mirrors.

One said, "Lose five pounds!" :scared:

I looked at the opposite mirror and hers said, "Grow 6 inches!" :stunned:

The first one, there is potential to "talk it out" I think. [Just enough talk to determine the actions needed.]

The other was written in stone, genetically, before the person was born. She will have to live with it.

I think that we have to do this, too. Realized which situation the concern represents and :cool: either take action or live with it.

[Haphazard]

Well, I suppose if you don't like talking to someone in person writing instead on somewhere like here is probably better. At least it is out of your head then. Or does that also make you feel worse too?

It tends to go a little like this:

I feel awful. I think on the matter a little. Then I start to think on the matter a lot, and then I start to stew on the matter even more so, and soon the problem ceases to be individual actions but rather the conditions leading up to what made me upset, mostly made up of things that neither of us could see coming, but were entirely mutable, and that to stop these things from happening to myself or anyone else ever again would require massive changes in society and I know that's impossible and I end up sobbing about the state of public education/health services/whathaveyou and my arguments no longer make any sense to what I was upset about anyway.

The fact that I can't change these huge things that would stop whatever, me and some other grand institution, from running into each other, ends up making me more upset than before because then the root of the problem becomes insurmountable even if the immediate problem has already been solved. All it succeeds in doing is opening up old wounds and pouring salt into them.

My rants are less 'ranty' and more my line of thought to try to reach the root of the problem. The theory is that if the root of the problem is solved, it will never happen again. But, the roots are always so deep and by the end, I barely remember what I was so upset about in the first place, and why I let somebody coax me into letting my feelings out...

[Flamethrower]

I'd also like to point out that bottling up feelings works perfectly fine as long as you can keep doing it. The usual reason people give for why it's a bad idea to repress things is that thing about how you'll eventually explode.

Yeah, I have often wondered about that! You don't see people getting to a certain point and then suddenly exploding do you! Probably bottling things up more results in having a general influence on your life overall.

[eclecticjoker]

Somehow my dad really can pry the emotions out of me. We'll be chilling on the couch, watching Stargate or something, and he'll just ask me "what's wrong?"

The same thing happens every time. I deny anything being wrong at first, but eventually end up crying and staying up until the wee hours of the morning talking to him about whatever it was that I wasn't aware was bothering me.

It's pretty awesome. I don't know if it would be awesome with anyone other than my dad, though. He's sort of like "base".

[futureperfect5]

Good parent ... keep him :thumbsup:

Somehow my dad really can pry the emotions out of me. We'll be chilling on the couch, watching Stargate or something, and he'll just ask me "what's wrong?"

The same thing happens every time. I deny anything being wrong at first, but eventually end up crying and staying up until the wee hours of the morning talking to him about whatever it was that I wasn't aware was bothering me.

It's pretty awesome. I don't know if it would be awesome with anyone other than my dad, though. He's sort of like "base".

[eclecticjoker]

Yeah, I pretty much lucked out.

[ceg6]

For me, the combination of not wallowing and actively taking steps to attack a problem makes me feel strong and effective -- I never see myself as helpless, victimized or overwhelmed. I don't get bogged down in irrationality.

These are my feelings as well. The thing that bothers me is people wanting me to talk (it's like pulling teeth they say), almost forcing me to talk but not be willing to talk about a solution or a plan to fix the problem. What is the point of talking abut a problem with you if you can't at least throw out a few workable ideas in the conversation? No I don't want you to just listen. I don't care if all other women just want to be heard and acknowledged. Problem - solution. Fortunately my ENFJ recognizes this in me and is more willing to speak with solutions in mind instead of hugging and saying everything will be ok. Ack..worst four words ever.

[Haphazard]

These are my feelings as well. The thing that bothers me is people wanting me to talk (it's like pulling teeth they say), almost forcing me to talk but not be willing to talk about a solution or a plan to fix the problem. What is the point of talking abut a problem with you if you can't at least throw out a few workable ideas in the conversation? No I don't want you to just listen. I don't care if all other women just want to be heard and acknowledged. Problem - solution. Fortunately my ENFJ recognizes this in me and is more willing to speak with solutions in mind instead of hugging and saying everything will be ok. Ack..worst four words ever.

Not all women just want to be heard and acknowledged.

The 'everything will be ok' AUGH. Makes me feel even worse. It just sounds like 'let's not work on anything and let's just continue to suffer, but that's okay because everything will turn out right in the end!' I know things may not end up exactly 'right,' but I know that some sort of happiness and normalcy will return afterwards, but saying that 'everything will be ok' does nothing!

[TheLastMohican]

Fortunately my ENFJ recognizes this in me and is more willing to speak with solutions in mind instead of hugging and saying everything will be ok. Ack..worst four words ever.

Yes!

[Szarra]

... hugging and saying everything will be ok. Ack..worst four words ever.

*raises hand* Sorry. I tend to do that. I think it's because I'm an F. I don't conciously think through things like you all do. Some of my best solutions come to me in dreams, in fact.

I did this to my poor husband not long ago. I told him to stop thinking about a problem we were having, at least for a little while. His reply, "I can't just stop thinking! I need to work it out now, not later!" This whole thing led me here and now I know not to do that again. ;D

[TheLastMohican]

*raises hand* Sorry. I tend to do that. I think it's because I'm an F. I don't conciously think through things like you all do. Some of my best solutions come to me in dreams, in fact.

I did this to my poor husband not long ago. I told him to stop thinking about a problem we were having, at least for a little while. His reply, "I can't just stop thinking! I need to work it out now, not later!" This whole thing led me here and now I know not to do that again. ;D

Personal growth in an INFP. Encouraging. ;)

[rwyatt365]

Often if I do openly talk about my emotions they become even more aggravated afterward. I often feel that I cannot adequately convey the exact nature of my thoughts to another person, and this inevitable ambiguity due to the imprecision of human language is disquieting to me. So I can meditate my emotions into a certain quietness and with time--and usually only with time--they naturally fade into the background of my mind and disappear forever.
I absolutely HATE trying to "talk out" things, because of the very reason that malefide expresses above.

Whenever I try to express what (or, god help me, HOW) I think, I can't find the words in real-time. I start to stumble over my own thoughts trying to put them into a phrase that is intelligible. The causes frustration and anger when what I say is mis-interpreted, or mistaken. Then come the "tactics" that people use to try to sway the conversation/discussion to their own agenda. At that point I have reached my boiling point and the "red mist" settles behind my eyes.

Then, it's best to leave the room.

[ElstonGunn]

The 'everything will be ok' AUGH. Makes me feel even worse. It just sounds like 'let's not work on anything and let's just continue to suffer, but that's okay because everything will turn out right in the end!' I know things may not end up exactly 'right,' but I know that some sort of happiness and normalcy will return afterwards, but saying that 'everything will be ok' does nothing!

Yeah, really. No one would use that line if their hair was on fire (But that would be kind of funny-- "Nah, don't worry about it, it'll burn itself out eventually"). So why would it work with a less flammable problem?


*raises hand* Sorry. I tend to do that. I think it's because I'm an F. I don't conciously think through things like you all do. Some of my best solutions come to me in dreams, in fact.

I don't think it's a bad thing to say to certain people. It's just that Ts, and I'd assume especially INTJs, are kind of immune to reassurance. Were bastards that way, and we're already aware of that, so there's no need to point it out. ;)


I did this to my poor husband not long ago. I told him to stop thinking about a problem we were having, at least for a little while. His reply, "I can't just stop thinking! I need to work it out now, not later!" This whole thing led me here and now I know not to do that again. ;D

I had the same conversation with a friend of mine the other day. She said I just just stop thinking so much about a problem I had, and I said something like, "Maybe I should, but I can't." For some reason, that seemed to really surprise her.

[sriv]

Probably the most annoying off thing you can do to a person you have already pissed off is keep repeating, "Anything that will make you feel better!" When he is spitting at your feet keep stare at him and say it. When he is about to punch you in the face stare at him and say it. When he is about to give you the silent treatment...you know what to do. Remember - "Anything that will make you feel better."

In this case, yeah, talking makes it a lot worse.

[rwyatt365]

I don't think it's a bad thing to say to certain people. It's just that Ts, and I'd assume especially INTJs, are kind of immune to reassurance. Were bastards that way, and we're already aware of that, so there's no need to point it out. ;)
For me, when I hear "everything is going to be ok" I want to say "PROVE IT!". No, bucko, everything will NOT be OK! That phrase turns my stomach.

[sriv]

You WANT to say it. You wont do it.

[ethsar46]

I dont think theres a problem with keeping your emotions to yourself, as long as you can sort them out and control them yourself. I think alot of us just have problems putting our emotions into something expressable

I find I usually would only brood on things if i cant sort them out (ie. the Judging need for closure). And if all else fails I'll usually accept that its in the past now and cant be changed but can be avoided in the future.

[pinkroger]

I personally enjoy the negative feelings. In the end it makes me feel as though I'm god and everyone else is subhuman. It also makes me want to take drugs, which I haven't done yet. I think I've transcended rationality to the extent that I don't need reason some of the time...I can just get by on even the thought of drugs.

[sriv]

Pinkroger, thats disgusting. You are allowed to consider INTJs god, but it is impossible to transcend rationality because rationality in its purest form is the answer. Reasonless rationality is twisted.

[Asylum]

The people I normally confide in are F types (I don't know which in particular) and "talking it out" with them is like a ricochet... By the end of it I feel worse, isolated and like they aren't even hearing what I say. +I have had that problem with stumbling over words before, but even as I've rationalized it and made my wording more exact it still doesn't seem to register in their minds...

For me to deal with my emotions I need my.. quiet time away from everyone (thinking time, sorting time). I often write to express my problems. I don't know if that counts as "bottled up". It bottles up more when I'm with people who can't or refuse to understand.

I like to purposely experience sadness, but not when it has an emotional, uncontrolled cause. That's a little... difficult to explain.

[TheLastMohican]

For me, when I hear "everything is going to be ok" I want to say "PROVE IT!". No, bucko, everything will NOT be OK! That phrase turns my stomach.

It sounds like the person is always talking to a three-year-old who won't understand anything but "everything will be okay." It's as if the person thinks you are being fooled. It is an insult to the intelligence, I say!

[Asylum]

It sounds like the person is always talking to a three-year-old who won't understand anything but "everything will be okay." It's as if the person thinks you are being fooled. It is an insult to the intelligence, I say!

That phrase does make one feel like they are being talked down too, but it also implies the person talking isn't really listening in my opinion.

I understand that hate for the "Fix You" phrases. "Fix you" phrases is what I would call ricocheting. It means they aren't really listening and just absorbing, letting you have your problem, they're wanting to fix you.

Also, even though I'm a P type and in general I don't need a complete conclusion for every unpleasant encounter, when something big happens I would really like closure.

[suzyk]

I keep everything to myself. It hasn't bothered me one bit. As for emotions, they come and go as they like. The last thing I'd want to do is talk about my emotions. I would definitely die.

[lordrrr]

I hate talking about my feelings to anyone, even my parents. Actually with my parents it's even more embarassing. I hate the fact that I feel so naked and exposed. It's a weak point for me. Also makes me feel as if I'm in a Hollywood movie or something and the whole world is watching my anguish and taking pleasure in it, and it just makes the situation worse.

[nzashadow]

There's been a few threads about INTJs and emotions in the past few days, and yes, INTJs most certainly have emotions. That much we've figured. I've also noticed that the few F types here went on a little about the virtues of understanding and caring about their emotions, while INTJs mostly said that they were 'impractical.'

I think I may have figured out why understanding my emotions is impractical.

The simple fact of the matter is that I don't get any satisfaction from diving deeply into my emotions and understanding them easily. In fact, I've found that the more I try to express them and talk them out, the worse I feel. On top of feeling extremely uncomfortable, I've found that all it does for me is manage to make me more upset about what I was originally upset about, and more permanently upset. If I do end up dumping my emotions on somebody, they'll notice that I'm often worse off than when they first started talking to me. Talking does nothing but make everything worse.

Like most people, I don't like this feeling, so I try to avoid it, and this usually ends up in that 'unhealthy bottling of emotions' that we're famous for. Does anybody else have any similar experiences? If the bottling up of emotions is bad, wouldn't this constant brooding be worse?

It's not about bottling up or constant brooding, it's about maturely expressing in some form.

I'm just still trying to figure out what mature expression of emotion would be exactly, lol

[EsoteriEccentri]

My EnFP mum says "Everything will work itself out"
And I just HATE that. Maybe I'm a pessimist?
Her definition of a "strong" person is a person that believes everything will work itself out in the end.

I've heard it expressed a lot on this forum that INTJs emotions are actually stronger than an Fs emotions because T types tend to bottle emotions up where Fs express them freely..
I would like to ask where this came from, because is it completely untrue! Many Fs, particularly introverts, tend to bottle up things far too much. I'm a prime example of that. I hate to show emotions, particularly in public. I'm terrible at talking about how I feel, I'm terrible at expressing myself - I keep it all locked up inside.
Showing my emotions, talking about them (IRL) feels like an intrusion.

[Kotetsu]

It's probably something that comes from Fe (which I don't think INFPs readily use).

[vaguely dissatisfied]

For me, when I hear "everything is going to be ok" I want to say "PROVE IT!". No, bucko, everything will NOT be OK! That phrase turns my stomach.
If I had a nickel for every time I heard that from a person who has proven that everything will NOT be O.K. ........more than a few times!

[True Rune]

Hmm, I don't have the first clue on even how to describe them to anyone, or who would want to hear such crap? I just remain alone and sort it out, either me and me or me and God, because I am unable to even begin being able to describe them or finding someone willing to listen.. I want to say more, but I don't see the point.

[theunstrungharp]

Haphazard. In talking about you own personal experience, you've described my own personal experience. It's really strange to hear of someone having almost exactly the same issues, ie, realizing talking doesn't help, realizing stuff is basically all huge unsolvable issues, deciding not to talk, bursting into tears when someone says "what's wrong?" (I still do this sometimes if I am really stressed or tired. Eep.)... especially an INTJ. Note hat
I'm ENFP. (Yes, an ENFP that despises talking about her feelings...it's true.) Perhaps our IF is doing this to us!

[sriv]

They express them fine enough. Why not talk about them? How much meaning could a couple of words have? You can do whatever you want to the concept once it enters your mind too.

[pensivemuse7]

I have had to do a lot of figuring out with what to do with emotions.

As an ENFJ, I definitely have emotions and do have the tendency to bottle them up, which eventually explode, fester, etc.

But this has been a problem, and I recognize it and I hate it. I thought venting and letting out the emotion would help, but no... it really makes matters worst. With expressing emotion and thinking....bad combination for me because i just find further reasons for why things are going wrong instead of how to fix them. Separate emotion and thinking as much as you can.

Now, if i have negative emotion, i either really let it go by rationalizing why it is an irrational way of me to feel a certain way. If i cannot do that, i exert my negative emotion into something productive, like writing or work, so that at the end of the day, i feel accomplished and realized that something good came out of it the negative emotion. Then i don't care about the emotion anymore and move on.

I will say though, having negative emotions is definitely empowering. I like knowing that i can dive into my dark side and still have control. Honestly, i do my best when I am very content (which takes work) or when i am in my dark place. This might explain why i can be feel negatively quite easily.

[blue tie]

As someone else similarly mentioned, I feel so naked when I'm trying to verbally sort out my feelings. And it ends up just throwing me off my game. Like I'm always in or seeking for a stable state. So even if I have something on my mind, the situation is under control. And then when I talk to my ENFP best friend about it, it becomes this mess...

What usually happens is that I'll rant about the latest flavor of the week that's spiking my anxiety. Then it will turn into a justification of why I feel that way, which will then link to an overarching way of how I view the world. It's very everything-is-interconnected kinda thing. In the end, I feel like the core of the problems (i.e. need solutions) hasn't really resonated with the person. So there I am, emotionally naked (where is my armor!) with a person that 1) hasn't understood a word I said and 2) is more confused, possibly judging my performance!

Worst. Idea. Ever.

I'm trying to think, there are definitely some situations where it's okay to talk it out... I feel they are more ... Professional frustrations, if you know what I mean? Like if I said my inability to shoot a straight arrow 50 yards with a so and so model bow was pissing me off, the only person that would really "get me" is another professional archer (just an example, I'm not an archer).

[mkay]

Yeah, I agree you have to talk to the "right" person or type of person, otherwise talking can be a terrible idea.

Someone who's a feeler and just wants sympathy, for instance, is going to probably feel worse after talking with me, because I'm into offering possible solutions, not saying sympathetic things over and over. Some people just want to whine or vent. I can take only so much of that. And I'd rather be clubbed over the head than hear that something will magically work out, so I never confide in those kind of people.

But because of the variety even within MB types, I find helpful perspectives can come from all types. My ESFJ brother, for instance, is very logical and can cut through things. Someone like him can be different things to different people -- like he can offer sympathy to those who want that, and he can offer logic to those who want that. I admire that ability, because I'm too focused on "fixing" things when people confide in me.

[pinkroger]

I find them annoying, yet essential. You can't possibly get rid of them, so there is no point in fighting them to any unreasonable extent. If we try to understand them, they can boost our efficiency long term and in the end, it can be very rewarding. (and this from someone who is 100% T)

[Haphazard]

I find them annoying, yet essential. You can't possibly get rid of them, so there is no point in fighting them to any unreasonable extent. If we try to understand them, they can boost our efficiency long term and in the end, it can be very rewarding. (and this from someone who is 100% T)

Are you talking about emotions themselves or the need to express them when asked?