As a child did you relate to adults more?

[Solaris]

I like this comparing of INTJ and ENTJ. Plus, I like learning more about INTJ's because I know several quite well (for an INTJ). So, were you all more able to relate to adults or children your own age as a child? I was a painfully shy child, but preferred talking to adults I'd grown unafraid of to children my own age. I've often been told through the years that I can talk to anyone because I am good at finding something we can both relate to. I attribute this to wanting to know what everyone I meet knows, therefore it's easy to appear interested in them (when it's possible the information is all I want).

[qwerty]

I guess adults related more to me than other kids my age if that makes sense. Even now I'm all growed up and those older and to me wiser still seem to use me as a translation engine for my peers :).

[TruorTupnm]

Hm. Much like that question about whether I despise children or not, even as a child, I approached everyone with equal trepidation. Usually not at all. Equal chances of finding someone cool to talk to. The older I got, the more disillusioned I became with my age group, so I ended up with a larger number of adult acquaintances, sure.

[Opti]

I have always related to adults more, I have found I have never really got on with children/people my own age. Even now at 34 I get on better with people 10-20 years my senior. My partners have always been older than me too...

[cielo market]

I didn't relate to many children because I was very solitary. I didn't relate to adults because they only regarded me as a simple child. Now that I'm older I relate somewhat better to people my age, but I find the elders (around me) dull.

[chocky]

Absolutely.

Couldn't have had less in common with my peers if I tried. They were alien and horrid.

So were adults, but at least some of them had knowledge and a good portion had had the fun knocked out of them so they suited my uber serious and responsible sensibilities.

[Bossy Mom]

When I was child, I related well to other children, especially female friends. Nothing odd there!

[Santana28]

Oh yeah - lifelong issue for me. Even when i was very, very little - i always preferred the company of adults (actually, i loved anyone the same age as my grandparents). When i was in daycare i'd volunteer to help clean just so i could stay inside with the adults while all the other kids my age were outside playing. For some reason i just cannot relate to people my age. Its hard because i look at my peers and think "Is THIS what i'm supposed to be like?" and it rattles me. Also, as a female INTJ...i find it even more impossible to relate to other females. A majority of girls, frankly, are NOT LOGICAL. I can't stand being around emotional, fickle, materialistic people.... so obviously not a good combination there. I've had almost exclusively male friends for my entire life, and i'm perfectly happy with that.

Another aspect of this for you to think about - i love kids younger than myself. Not babies or toddlers, but kids old enough to teach and lead. The kids a few years younger than me loved me, and i loved being around them. I guess it fed my ego in a way, as well as make me feel useful. Nothing like impressionable young minds to warp ;) hehe. I always enjoyed playing the role of mentor.

[Solaris]

Oh yeah - lifelong issue for me. Even when i was very, very little - i always preferred the company of adults (actually, i loved anyone the same age as my grandparents). When i was in daycare i'd volunteer to help clean just so i could stay inside with the adults while all the other kids my age were outside playing. For some reason i just cannot relate to people my age. Its hard because i look at my peers and think "Is THIS what i'm supposed to be like?" and it rattles me. Also, as a female INTJ...i find it even more impossible to relate to other females. A majority of girls, frankly, are NOT LOGICAL. I can't stand being around emotional, fickle, materialistic people.... * so obviously not a good combination there. I've had almost exclusively male friends for my entire life, and i'm perfectly happy with that.

Another aspect of this for you to think about - i love kids younger than myself. Not babies or toddlers, but kids old enough to teach and lead. The kids a few years younger than me loved me, and i loved being around them. I guess it fed my ego in a way, as well as make me feel useful. Nothing like impressionable young minds to warp ;) hehe. I always enjoyed playing the role of mentor. *

Yes, teaching children has always come easily to me (especially younger ones...teens are too emotional usually...all those hormones and need to test/challenge everything....which might be ok, but I look about their age, so it's harder to be taken seriously at times I think, even though I am 28). I enjoy seeing younger children, let's say 11 and under, learn, grow, and explore.

Most of my friends have been male over the years, with one of two female friends. Oddly, right now I do have a lot of female friends. However, they are all the sort of are like me in that they usually had male friends too. I guess we're at the age where more men are "taken" and it's less ok for them to have close female friends.

[thegnat]

Oh definitely.

I think part of it was that I had literally no relatives near my age. They were either younger or older by about 10 years.

It was very easy for me to communicate with adults. Much less so with people my own age.

People have often commented that I seem older than I am. I don't know what precisely that is due to. Sometimes I do feel older than people my own age, though. However, perhaps because of that or as a result or vice versa - I interact(ed) better with adults.

[Firelie]

I used to love to sit around with the adults while they talked, even if I didn't really understand what they were talking about. They didn't really mind having me around cuz I blended in and didn't behave like a child while in their presence (unless my brother was trying to emulate me...in which case he'd get bored and start bothering people, so they'd shoo us both away).

[mustangtech]

I also had no family members near my age. I have 17 first cousins but the closest one to me is 8 years older than I am and a girl at that. So I also ended up hanging around with the adults. I didn't mind, came to enjoy it actually. To this day I still get along better with people who are either 5 plus years older than me or 5 years or so younger than me.

[rwyatt365]

As a child, I always preferred talking to and being around adults rather than children my own age. I always found the conversations and interactions of those children to be, well…childish! There was no thoughtfulness, not intelligence, just mindless drivel that bored me to tears. So I gravitated to "adult" conversation as a consequence.

[generalowk]

In most situations, I related better to adults when I was young.

In my adult life, most of my friends are several years older or several years younger than me.

[TeleportThis]

Guess I'm the odd one out here.

I never preferred to be around adults, or even older kids when growing up. As a child I didn't like the way adults talk differently to children than adults. They change the tone of their voice and their expressions never seemed as genuine because they aren't taking you as seriously as adults. They also will blatantly lie to you or oversimplify your questions, and that always annoyed me.

I've always gotten along with people my own age or couple years younger better. I liked playing a lot as a child too. Usually adults would just sit around and talk. Boring...

[Paul V]

Yes. But adults hated me. *shrug* I suppose I could be very annoying, with me constantly pointing out their mistakes and all.

[mind_wander]

Yeah, I will drop my thoughts too. I've managed to relate well with people at my own age and people who are maturer than me. Maybe this is why, during at night class, the person next to me, who is like 10+ years older than me, does not mind talking to me. Maybe know that, I am more maturer and I think differently. Its kinda hard though sitting in between, on the left is my partner and on the right is a classmate, would sometimes they both talked to me at the same time. Overall, I give both sides their chance to talk, but I find that other people around my age, would find this kinda awkward.

[Max T]

Couldn't have had less in common with my peers if I tried. They were alien and horrid.

So were adults, but at least some of them had knowledge and a good portion had had the fun knocked out of them so they suited my uber serious and responsible sensibilities.
Yes exactly- adults had useful knowledge. The simple logic was "if you guys are concerned about this now, then I'd better listen so as to be prepared".

I think we could enjoy our seemingly (to kids) quirky niche in the world by hanging out with the adults that practised that niche, whereas kids are comparatively homogenous in interest.

[oceanicon]

I'm still 16 but when I was a child I was extremely introverted and I had only one or two friends. I enjoyed talking to them and talking to several adults.
besides that I already was individualistic and that's why I was a misfit at my elementary school. Now that I'm older I am not a misfit anymore and have a good couple of friends. not too many, not too few. I became more extroverted, too but I still score as Intj.

[Jennywocky]

I not only didn't feel much like I fit with my peers (because I thought so much), I also felt like even many of the adults I was around were not very intelligent either...

Usually I just sat around and listened to them talk, and learned what I could, and inwardly analyzed it to see what made sense.

My peer were not even doing much of that. :(

[Deepdelver]

I related to unemotional, intelligent adults. I thought kids were boring and adults were interesting. I am first born and my sibling is male.

[Solaris]

This raised another point of curiosity. My only sibling is about 4.5 years older than me. We had two cousins exactly her age that we saw often as well. Other than that, the rest of our relatives were significantly older. When I was 8, my younger cousin was born. Until then, I had been the youngest in the family.

Does this sort of line up for anyone else? I mean, do you think a lack of children your age may have contributed, or do you think you just were that way?

I can't decide for myself right now. I'll think about it a while and see what I come up with.

[Vayate]

I'm getting on 21 and find that I still don't relate very well to those who would so foolishly claim to be my peers. College kids are still kids, I'm afraid.

[AresX9]

I was just scratching the surface of politics when I was 13, so you could say I'm an adult trapped in a teenager's body :).

[Headstrong]

I have always related better to adults. We would have big family gatherings for birthdays when I was younger and I'd always be in the dining room with the adults conversing. I rarely played with the kids because I felt out of place and they were just plain rude and spoiled. I couldn't stand them. I don't think they liked me too much either. It's the same way in college now. In my biology night class, I sit in a corner with two other guys. The one is 22 and the other is 25. We get along great. The 25 year old guy's jaw dropped when he saw the 2007 chain on my key ring. He thought I was 20...I'm assuming that was my from intellectual and behavioral skills because I certainly look 16/17ish according to most.

[Figmentum]

Very much so. With adults I was clam, and would learn alot, I liked it. With kids my age... there were a few, "violent disagreements."

[niffer]

Maybe intellectually. But otherwise, no. Age is pretty irrelevant, the way I see it- I am a human, you are a human. That is all.

[lebowski]

As an only child, I was very accustomed to only talking to my parents, so naturally, when I was in public, I did not have a problem associating with adults. I don't know if the fact I've always been very responsible adds to this (but then again, to this day, am quite immature).

Also, I read in one of the INTJ descriptions that we often seek acceptance from those who are revered in their field (i.e. academics). Granted, most adults are not as such, but when you're 10 years old, adults in general seem much more important/revered than people your age.

[The Rose]

I like this comparing of INTJ and ENTJ. Plus, I like learning more about INTJ's because I know several quite well (for an INTJ). So, were you all more able to relate to adults or children your own age as a child? I was a painfully shy child, but preferred talking to adults I'd grown unafraid of to children my own age. I've often been told through the years that I can talk to anyone because I am good at finding something we can both relate to. I attribute this to wanting to know what everyone I meet knows, therefore it's easy to appear interested in them (when it's possible the information is all I want).I always enjoyed conversations with adults more.

...Also, I read in one of the INTJ descriptions that we often seek acceptance from those who are revered in their field (i.e. academics). Granted, most adults are not as such, but when you're 10 years old, adults in general seem much more important/revered than people your age.That's a good point.

[muguly]

I found and still find it easier to talk to people older than I am. People my age don't have the same interest, or at least the same level of interest in things, that I do. It's hard for me to relate to people in my age bracket, always has been.

[Richard0612]

In primary school I preferred talking to adults [so much more logical!] and I still do.
I find atomic physics far more interesting than 'OMG! Look at this 4chan page, it's so funny... What? You think it's pathetic. You have no sense of humour. OWNED!!!!111' </exaggeration>

As some other people have said, I suppose it comes from the fact that I'm an only child, and only live with my ISTJ mum, so I had plenty of time to introspect and analyze things. There are literally no children in my area older than 3 [there were none when I was 10] and the relative closest to me in age is my 18-year-old cousin who I very rarely see. There is a good reason for this, she seems to be an ENFJ/ESFJ and seems to have had everything served up on a plate for her, even though she has the same IQ as your average amoeba. Sorry, must learn to have control over my 'rant mode'!

[Uytuun]

Adults, definitely. My mother would often remark that I was born with "an old soul".

[youngblooded]

I found that talking to adults was more enriching because of their experiences rather than convincing the youths. However, most of them still mock or disagree with my viewpoints and of course, there are idiots.

[coffeeloverfreak]

As a kid, yeah, definitely. I was always awkward around other kids, but could relate to the adults around me. I think they were a bit bemused by me, actually. The ones willing to really talk to me, I'd discuss things with for hours. The ones who said something looking for a typical "kid" answer were sometimes taken aback with how I'd really answer things.

In one famous incident, one uncle asked me "who's your favourite uncle?" and I - honestly and unabashedly - answered with the name of a different uncle. How was I supposed to know that he was looking for me to say "you, of course". In my view, he asked a question, I answered it.

Anyway, part of it probably stemmed from being teased and picked on a lot as a kid. I became a bit afraid of other kids and the order-less jungle that characterized their word. I drifted towards adults because they - parents, teachers, whatever - were naturally protective of me because of that. And I learned to feel more comfortable around them because they would mostly talk about interesting things, as opposed to about the idiotic things that (I imagined) most other kids were talking about.

Ironically, my friends growing up were all a year or two younger than me. The paradox of relating better to adults means sometimes you feel like you're not growing up as fast as your peers. When my classmates started dating at around 11 or 12, I still wanted to play with toys. I was utterly perplexed by most of the adolescent rituals and rites of passage, and preferred to go through them a bit later, hence, my younger friends. I always had this feeling that the social aspects of life were going too fast and I couldn't quite keep up.

Now, as an adult, I still have a hard time relating to kids in general. But I can relate well to specific kids - not surprisingly, to kids who are an awful lot like how I was when I was that age. Go figure.

[Femme de Homme INTJ]

Yes, I liked talking to adults. Unfortunately, I did not have the vocabulary or experience to express the things I thought about. It was very difficult because I thought a lot about things that other kids either didn't care to understand or couldn't understand. It could be lonely.

I always spotted the INTJ kids who felt the same, and I always wanted to help them and of course, try to help myself, but I didn't have the skills to befriend any INTJ boys (I never met any INTJ females as a kid). I felt like they were lonely. Also, I thought they could understand my abstractions.

While my parents were patient with me, listened to me and appreciated me, they were not educated enough about the world to help me find outlets. Other adults either praised me or were confused by me (SJ adults).

[Antares]

I've always been better friends with older people. I talk to them about the things that I believe in and listen to their views. We sometimes debate, but I figured that they are much more adept in handling debates objectively than people my age, yes, even feelers. Unlike my Feeler classmates who might storm out of the room, the F adults are patient and sympathetic. Unlike my Thinker classmates who might insist they're right and anyone who disagrees wrong, the T adults are analytical and open-minded. Of course, not all people are like what I've described above. I think the world would be a happier place if everyone in the world is a bit more open and tolerant, but the mature adults seem to share this trait, no matter their MBTI type.

While my peers don't think much of me and I can just be in the background, I seem to 'attract' the older crowd, namely my teachers and even my mother's boss and his wife. My quietness usually leads my teachers to talk to me more, and after that we just become friends because we enjoy sharing our views with each other. Adults, I found, are much more experienced and through talking to them I would actually learn things and broaden my scopes. And adult and I, if we found any points made by the other valid and we had not thought of that before, we would accept it and sometimes worldviews would change.

As much as they might enjoy my ideas, I do annoy them often. Teachers accuse me of 'biting their heads off' for little mistakes like spelling, punctuation or factual error. During a lecture, I raised my hand and the teacher thought I had a question. I said calmly: "You made a logical fallacy." And I proceeded to explain why.

[AgentofGaming]

Not that I didn't like the kids of my age but I saw more wisdom from figures like teachers as opposed to my classmates. Although I don't exactly have a conversation (I just listen) with those much older than me I've always liked their topics more.


Ironically, my friends growing up were all a year or two younger than me. The paradox of relating better to adults means sometimes you feel like you're not growing up as fast as your peers. When my classmates started dating at around 11 or 12, I still wanted to play with toys. I was utterly perplexed by most of the adolescent rituals and rites of passage, and preferred to go through them a bit later, hence, my younger friends. I always had this feeling that the social aspects of life were going too fast and I couldn't quite keep up..
I still sort of have this, I still feel younger than I'm supposed to be. Never wanted to or understood the meaning of those adolescent rituals and such. (Guess it's about time I get my driver's license)

Also I find it easier to make friends with my younger brother's friends than people my age (I'm almost 20, they're around 16). It's easier because I have knowledge/competence/experience/advice I can give to them in terms of building a friendship which I can't do for classmates. I like teaching concepts to them too.

Perhaps I enjoy relationships more as a mentor or student than as a peer, with the exchange of knowledge and such.

[MNRon]

I always related well to adults, especially well educated, professional ones. They were scarce during my upbringing, and I sought them out. And I preferred Mister Wizard over Howdy Doody.

[liger0]

When I was younger, I hated everyone. I grinned and listened to my peers' banter while secretly wishing they would all collapse dead on the spot. When talking to adults, I always had snide remarks with which to cut them down. Needless to say, I spent much of my early time in trouble.

[Rick]

As a child, I related more to adults, but in a detached way. I had a combination 'inferiority complex' and sort of a 'god complex'. In other words, I related better to adults, but applauded seeing hardship, seeing it as growth potential in others.

This was wrong. People going thru hard times generally need empathy - a hand that is willing to reach out instead of being judgemental.

[Solaris]

As a child, I related more to adults, but in a detached way. I had a combination 'inferiority complex' and sort of a 'god complex'. In other words, I related better to adults, but applauded seeing hardship, seeing it as growth potential in others.

This was wrong. People going thru hard times generally need empathy - a hand that is willing to reach out instead of being judgemental.

Hmm...this is an interesting thought. Nothing amazing, but it somehow causes me to pause and think just the same.

[lordrrr]

I think I relate well to adults and really little kids, but that's not to say I can't relate to kids my own age. I have a lot of friends in my age range but I feel that they are more just there for when we do recreational activities. When it comes to talking about certain topics, I usually don't enjoy it as much. I think this is because it is nothing more than information exchange, which is something I have a STRONG distaste for. When I talk to adults I learn things and when I talk to kids I teach things. That doesn't really happen around your peers.

[pavman]

Adults, definitely. My mother would often remark that I was born with "an old soul".

I've had lots of people tell me that. I just think they're nutz. ;D

Anyone else learn early that your peers really can't give good advice because ...well... they're your peers? I did. I was listening to older folks (not just adults mind you) from a fairly early age. Problem is, not many people to listen too any more...

...when I talk to kids I teach things. That doesn't really happen around your peers.

Umm, except for that teaching them thing...

[lordrrr]

I've had lots of people tell me that. I just think they're nutz. ;D

Anyone else learn early that your peers really can't give good advice because ...well... they're your peers? I did. I was listening to older folks (not just adults mind you) from a fairly early age. Problem is, not many people to listen too any more...



Umm, except for that teaching them thing...

I was talking about kids significantly younger than myself, like 7 or 8. My peers would be 15 or 16, and if I were to teach them anything they'd either not listen or would know it. Or wouldn't care. But you see much more care for information in the eyes of most young kids.

[Rick]

Hmm...this is an interesting thought. Nothing amazing, but it somehow causes me to pause and think just the same.

Love means more than judgement and ability.

[Solaris]

Love means more than judgement and ability.

Indeed it does. I have experienced such firsthand, on both sides.

[catd]

I remember an old boyfriend saying once that I was 30 going on 60.

When I was little I would ride the bus to the library downtown. I loved talking to the old ladies on the bus. I still prefer old people.

[mkay]

I got along with all ages, but I liked eavesdropping on adults because their conversation was more interesting. I like talking with people who've had experiences that are different from mine, so older people can be very interesting.

[Entropy]

At a certain point I'd grown tired of my peers, not caring what they were up to. I found the adult's conversations more interesting, so I'd sit with them, listen and occasionally weigh in.

[Freedom2009]

I have always talked better with people older or more senior (work) than I am. I like to be able to discuss their experiences, and they seem to care about more significant things.

[Thucydides]

I usually had no friends as a kid and felt far more comfortable talking with adults. I felt I could relate to them better and enjoyed listening to adult conversations.

[Airfire]

As a child I related so much more to adults than I do to those younger or of the same relative age as I was. When I was younger, I could not get along well with others my age; I seemed to approach life in a different perspective than them. I could not engage in small talk (despite my low vocabulary and grasp of the English language) nor did I seek to have the "fun" that they did.

This transpires to today, with not much change. As young adult, I relate to those at least twice my age and even the elderly. The wisdom that comes naturally with age (with most people) really helps when I communicate or relate with other people. I don't want to engage in small talk, but focus on obtaining at least something from any conversation I engage in. If I am to talk with others my age, I generally adapt to their mood (temporarily) in order to be perceived as "normal."

Also, I am fascinated with asking those older than me about major milestones in life and how their experiences transformed them as a person. Talking of the significant aspects of life with those older than me (such as being a war veteran or their career choice) is appealing. The insignificant aspects of which people my age talk about (such as reality T.V. or their latest social mishap) is rather annoying and quite trivial.

My mother (as well as a few other people) has always called me an "Old Soul."

[Diamond8INTJ]

" INTJ's DO IT BETTER " - " EXPERIENCE IS OVERRATED " are my two mottos ... ;D

people my age don't measure up to the level of discussions, arguments, and concepts i talk about, mostly people in their late 30's, and higher are incredibly interesting, with lots of things to say and discuss. i can relate to them more than people my age, and quite frankly,i just kinda play along with my with people my age, because none of what i meet till now are serious or deep ( i think you figured out by now, i still haven't met an INTJ in real life, and really my ENTJ (To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.) dad doesn't count, i have my issues (To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.) with him, and my ISTJ (To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.) brother is suffocating me ) ... peace :p

[jesse]

I've thought I am much older than my physical shell in this world, in this existance. Relating to most who are in my age group has always been troublesome, mostly because I am not intrigued or even interested in the shallow discussions and other meaningless activities which occupy most people's time.

The world is a very peculiar, unruly place but I do love getting away from it all and finding myself amidst the nature. Society is truly sickening to me too often. The norms, written and unwritten, really seem to go against everything and how I view the world. As a result, I seek to avoid the world and its trappings because they just are not my thing. Who knew I was such an anti-humanist :p

Do any of you get those "WTF am I doing here?" moments?

[Vertigo]

As a kid I normally hung out with adults and now I just dont' hang out with anyone except my girlfriend.

[Fruvous]

To answer the question : yes, big time. As a kid, other kids tormented me. The only people I could get along with were the teachers. In retrospect, I must have been pretty galling to my fellow students, because the work they were struggling with (learning to read and write and such) came extremely easily to me, and so I tended to do it with a kind of offhand contempt that must have been infuriating. I wasn't trying to say I was better than anyone else. I never thought of those terms... I still don't, actually. Despite the INTJ penchant for supervillainous misanthropy, I quite deliberately resisted the siren song of elitism. It always seemed like a dead end route to me, and I suppose it also went against my basic easy-going, goodnatured personality.

But yes... I always got on better with adult, despite a tendency to throw them for a loop by being able to "talk above my age" by a long shot.

[changos]

As a child did you relate to adults more?
Totally.

[dissident]

I didn't relate to anyone. :)

Then I discovered the "internets" and realized that people like me actually do exist.. well sort of.

[PHS Philip]

Well, I'm still a child, or at least a teenager, but yes. The only people that held (hold) the same interests as me have been adults. How many 7 year olds want to hold a discussion on astrophysics, or on the history of peregrine falcons, or on what problems both from humans and in nature cheetahs face? So I ended up seeming quite gregarious to adults, because they were the only ones that would humor me.

Even now, in high school, sure people care more about the wider world, but I still haven't found anyone that's just fascinated by everything the way I am. How many teenagers love astrophysics?

[SongofSeptember]

Dude, like never.