INTJs and Relationships [Archive]

Selly

09-21-2007, 06:43 PM

Let's see if I can answer these and be as honest as possible.....

Would you ever date anyone that you didn't particularly like?

No. I don't date people that I don't like. My only problem is that I'm critical of myself, and I extend that same 'criticalness' to other people thus making any affections I might have towards other people short-lived. So in essence, when I start dating them, I like them, but the more I get to know them, the more I dislike them. It could also just be that I haven't found anyone that I really really like.

Who makes the first move?

I don't think I've ever made the first move. As a rule, I don't look for relationships. I'm really too busy most of the time to take proper care of one, and I consider my education to be more important than anyone in my life (that sounds so corny, but it's true).

How do you express your dislike for others?

I don't. I rarely show an open dislike for a person. Mainly because I think that everyone has something to offer, and even if I don't like them, by continuing to speak with them, perhaps I'll come to a different conclusion. I'm often the nicest to the people I dislike the most.

How do you express affection for others?

Okay, I'm going to try to answer this but it might not make much sense. I show affection by being more open with my emotions and opinions. The problem is that I generally have an 'affectionate' attitude which is just me treating everyone in my life the same, no matter how much I like them or how well I know them. This sometimes gives people I've known for only a few days the impression that I like them a lot, and people that I've known for years that I don't like them as much. The people I show affection for sometimes seem a little confused, and I guess it's because they don't often see me being critical and it doesn't seem to fit in with my personality.

Have you ever been in any successful long-term relationships?

No, I haven't. Most likely for the reasons mentioned above, and because I'm and 18 year old college sophomore. I have a lot of time ahead of me and a lot to learn. ;D

Okay, I've written that and now I feel like a horrible person. Or socially inept.

Firelie

09-22-2007, 07:19 PM

-Would you ever date anyone that you didn't particularly like?

Why on earth would anyone do that? The second I realize I don't like a person, I tend to slice them out of my life.

-Who makes the first move?

With what? Making out? Dating?

-How do you express your dislike for others?

I ignore them and act polite to their faces if they don't try to push it. If they keep trying to pursue me, I tend to get a little bitchy. ;D

-How do you express affection for others?

By talking with them, paying attention to them, doing little things to make their life easier

-Have you ever been in any successful long-term relationships?

No. The only relationships I've had have been online, and I've recently come to the conclusion that those are incredibly lame since I don't plan on moving across the country for a man that I may or may not actually love when I meet him in person. I've been trying to date in my own city, but it seems like most of the men out there are looking for the type of woman that makes them feel like a man, and I do a very poor job at being feminine (not that I'm necessarily manly, either).

Tarrick

09-22-2007, 07:59 PM

-Would you ever date anyone that you didn't particularly like?

Why would I associate with someone that I didn't like? Beauty will fade, personalities will sharpen.

-Who makes the first move?

White pawn or knight. Black makes the counter move.

-How do you express your dislike for others?

Depends on who they are. Generally I tend to send "subtle" hints. Like avoiding eye contact, or show visible impatience.

-How do you express affection for others?

Very rarely. Once in particular. But that didn't end well.

-Have you ever been in any successful long-term relationships?

Nope. I'm pretty choosy. And relationships in high school would have been a waste. All but a very few people were too immature for my tastes.

Rei

09-22-2007, 09:53 PM

-Would you ever date anyone that you didn't particularly like?

I wouldn't even date people I like any less than "WOW I LIIIIIIIIKEEEEEEEEE"

-Who makes the first move?

I probably never will. *Though it's great that I'm a girl and traditionally I'm not expected to, I find that guys (eg my guy friends) are getting a little less-than-forward these days.

-How do you express your dislike for others?

I'm pretty straightforward in terms of expressing dislike. *Through the years i've learned to be a tad less direct and confrontational, and more subtle (maybe too much so) about it...

-How do you express affection for others?

This one is tough. *I guess I really struggle against my INTJ nature when I try to express affection.

I generally try to be more attentive, notice and remember what they like and what they don't. *I'm usually more willing to listen/give-in to/help people I absolutely adore.

All of these things are things a typical INTJ would not normally do. *But I guess it proves ultimate affection if I actually show it.

-Have you ever been in any successful long-term relationships?

Not yet... I'm rather picky/critical (INTJ trait?) about who I allow myself to be in a relationship with. *INTJ female... guys I meet generally become friends, and taking it a step further is usually not an option =/. *Of course I have yet to reach 20 so I'm not hurrying.

The Rose

09-23-2007, 11:29 AM

A few questions to start things off:

-Would you ever date anyone that you didn't particularly like?
Never, though I might continue dating them after I started disliking them.

-Who makes the first move?
I was very forward and usually made the first move.

-How do you express your dislike for others?
I avoid them and stop talking to them.

-How do you express affection for others?
When I like someone, I greet them with a big smile that says, "I'm glad to see you" and usually a hug.

-Have you ever been in any successful long-term relationships?
Before I was married, my relationships lasted 3 months or less.
My husband and I just celebrated our 25th Anniversary.

Rei

09-23-2007, 11:35 AM

"a hug."

I thought my INTJ-ness might have accounted for my anti-hugs-ness...

The Rose

09-23-2007, 12:29 PM

"a hug."

I thought my INTJ-ness might have accounted for my anti-hugs-ness...Yeah, I don't really know where I get that from.
I hate being touched.

But I know that generally speaking, humans need touch.
Maybe in my mind, a smile and a hug is a form of encouragement,
and I work on being encouraging whenever I can.

Opti

09-23-2007, 12:33 PM

A few questions to start things off:

-Would you ever date anyone that you didn't particularly like?
Nope

-Who makes the first move?
When younger I would (Super confident, fuelled by drink) But not now.

-How do you express your dislike for others?
I talk to them only when I have too, usually in a stern tone.

-How do you express affection for others?
People I like & Respect: I smile when meeting them and listen & take interest in what they have to say

-Have you ever been in any successful long-term relationships?
First Long Term Relationship: 4 Years
Second (Married that One): 6 Years
Third (Coming to an End As We speak): 6 Years
Deemed Successful? Nope very poor judgement on my part!

Rei

09-23-2007, 12:42 PM

Maybe in my mind, a smile and a hug is a form of encouragement,
and I work on being encouraging whenever I can.

That is true. I try to be encouraging as much as I can (INTJ's ARE KIND PEOPLE! ;D)
But I usually limit to what I try to make as 'kind smiles'. On the other hand, if someone is making to hug m in greeting I usually try not to protest unless I know them VERY well, and they KNOW better than to hug me in greeting.

TeleportThis

09-23-2007, 06:08 PM

-Would you ever date anyone that you didn't particularly like?
Now way.

-Who makes the first move?
I'll hint at things, but usually wait for him to actually make the first move.

-How do you express your dislike for others?
I'll usually ignore them, and if I can't, try to keep the interaction to a minimum.

-How do you express affection for others?
A big smile when I see them. Sometimes I'll use touch, but only if I'm very comfortable with them and know they will be okay with it.

-Have you ever been in any successful long-term relationships?
Nope, all have been <3 months

Daqwenia

09-23-2007, 06:46 PM

-Would you ever date anyone that you didn't particularly like?
I don't see any reason on doing so.
-Who makes the first move?
Any which person feels they need to have the move done.
-How do you express your dislike for others?
I don't necessarily let anyone know I don't like them, since I am nice to everyone, but if someone does something I don't like, then I'd just tell them on the spot.
-How do you express affection for others?
Mostly by paying more attention to them and letting them know that they can be a part of my life.
-Have you ever been in any successful long-term relationships?
The longest was less than 2 months, which was successful, but then just crashed and burned.

Tarrick

09-23-2007, 07:07 PM

Firelie

09-23-2007, 07:14 PM

Heh, that article assumes that the guy's going after an emotional woman. * :suspicious:

D'oh, edit of doom!

Tarrick

09-23-2007, 07:16 PM

That it does Firelie, that it does.

Rei

09-23-2007, 07:26 PM

First of all... he describes a very stubborn and self important person.
Not all smart people are stubborn and self-important.

And yeah, he's describing the courting of the... erm... kind of women you consider the social norm. The fact is, what one things is exceedingly annoying may be throughly intrguing for another.

I dislike generalizations like that...

The Rose

09-23-2007, 07:26 PM

To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.-277

Have a read. I disagree with the article in some places, but I'll let someone else have a go at it first.

Also, Female INTJs, what's your opinion?I just skimmed it, but I could understand all the major points.
I struggled with some of them myself when I was in a new relationship with the guy who is now my husband.

I used to think I was so smart, and had such great ideas, and I was always right,
and nobody was better at coming up with solutions than I was.
But because I adored my husband, and I was willing to trust him, and try his ideas,
I quickly learned that his ideas were WAY better than my ideas-
and much more practical when it came to common sense.
I had common sense, but not like my husband has!
I learned to put down my pride, and be willing to do things my husband's way.
We have had great success with the practical things of life when I have let my husband have his way.

There are some things I am smarter about, and I don't back down in those things.

Like I've said before, he is an ISTP.

Rei

09-23-2007, 07:38 PM

I just skimmed it, but I could understand all the major points.
I struggled with some of them myself when I was in a new relationship with the guy who is now my husband.

I used to think I was so smart, and had such great ideas, and I was always right,
and nobody was better at coming up with solutions than I was.
But because I adored my husband, and I was willing to trust him, and try his ideas,
I quickly learned that his ideas were WAY better than my ideas-
and much more practical when it came to common sense.
I had common sense, but not like my husband has!
I learned to put down my pride, and be willing to do things my husband's way.
We have had great success with the practical things of life when I have let my husband have his way.

There are some things I am smarter about, and I don't back down in those things.

Like I've said before, he is an ISTP.

You sound like you adore your husband indeed. ;)
I really tone down my opinions in my own head to let another persons' invade my brain a little if he amazes me. It's an INTJ thing, people really have to earn our respect. There was one person who was able to make me completely just set my thoughts aside of r abit, and allow myself to be taught these foriegn ideas. It's really quite amazing when you do hear other (brilliant) people, I can't get enough of feeding off these ideas. It's like brain food...

Firelie

09-23-2007, 07:43 PM

I guess I must not fit the type perfectly, cuz I don't always think I'm right. There's always someone better, smarter, more creative... Usually if there's a more efficient/logical idea, I'll snatch it up right away and thank the person for providing it! lol

Tarrick

09-23-2007, 07:45 PM

Indeed. After reading the article again, I think that it's not really talking about Rationals, but rather guys who are convinced that they are smart. This doesn't exclude Rationals, but it doesn't target them either.

I know I'm not right all the time, but I strive to be and I'm never against taking anyones advice if I think it can be helpful.

The Rose

09-23-2007, 07:47 PM

I really tone down my opinions in my own head to let another persons' invade my brain a little if he amazes me. It's an INTJ thing, people really have to earn our respect. There was one person who was able to make me completely just set my thoughts aside of r abit, and allow myself to be taught these foriegn ideas. It's really quite amazing when you do hear other (brilliant) people, I can't get enough of feeding off these ideas. It's like brain food...I agree.
Do you know what type that person was?

Rei

09-23-2007, 07:55 PM

I agree.
Do you know what type that person was?

I'm not entierly sure, but I believe he's an ESTJ.

Guido

09-23-2007, 09:36 PM

Would you ever date anyone that you didn't particularly like?

Hells no. Some people do this, and I don't know why. Maybe they're just desperate or looking for filler... who knows.

Who makes the first move?

I could now if I had to... even though I don't think I could have in the past. I'm prepared to do it now because of my gender role I guess.

How do you express your dislike for others?

If I dislike something someone's done? I'll flat out tell them. If I get the vibe that I won't get along with a person in general, I will avoid conversing with them if possible.

How do you express affection for others?

I think I would consider myself a big flirt as INTJs go, but without having met another INTJ, I have no idea. Silly harmless mind games are great. I looove to tease girls about what they think, and I love being teased the same way back. If a girl can't take me teasing her about what she thinks, then there isn't a hope in hell we could date, so I guess this is kind of a litmus test. Also, affection for me goes hand in hand with respect which usually results in my J getting toned down a bit.

Have you ever been in any successful long-term relationships?

I've been dating my right hand for almost 9 years now, does that count?

Daqwenia

09-24-2007, 05:40 PM

As a reply to the article you posted, Tarrick, I must say that David DeAngelo is completely full of himself and doesn't know what he is talking about! I can point out so many flaws in what he has to say, and barely anything he says is right. I've read more articles from him before and they all assume that every man is looking for the same type of woman. How shameful.

rwyatt365

09-25-2007, 11:21 AM

-Would you ever date anyone that you didn't particularly like?
My gut reaction would be to answer "no". But, upon consideration, I think that if there was some kind of "pay-off" from the date then I might consider it. The seriousness of the consideration would be directly proportional to the "generosity" of the pay-off (wink-wink, nudge-nudge) and inversely proportional to the level of dislike, raised to the power of their "10-scale" rating (OK ladies, don’t hate me for being honest here!). A very pretty, but very disagreeable lady willing to have sex might get a nod for one date. Whereas an average-looking lady who clicks with me and we hold hands without me asking might get a proposal!

-Who makes the first move?
Generally, she does, sorry to say. My modus operandi has typically been "terminal shyness".

-How do you express your dislike for others?
…passively – I simply stop being around, or available.

-How do you express affection for others?
By writing, for me words work better than actions. When I try to "do" things, I end up feeling awkward and uncomfortable. If I have time to sit down and compose my thoughts (and feelings) I do a better job.

-Have you ever been in any successful long-term relationships?
"Long-term", yes. "Successful" is debatable. I was with my high-school sweetheart for 4 years but she literally went nuts (and, no, it wasn't me – really). I married a girl I met during my first year in college, we were on and off for 6 years and then got married after I graduated…and divorced 8 years later. I've been married now for 12 years to a woman I've known for almost 20 years. We don't get along totally, but we're still married. I'll leave you to gauge that as successful, or not.

The Rose

09-25-2007, 11:42 AM

What's your (current) wife's type?
Just curious.

BTW:
I think your "honest" analysis is rather true of me, too.
I've been known to tolerate someone if there was something in it for me.

rwyatt365

09-25-2007, 12:01 PM

What's your (current) wife's type?
Just curious.

I don't remember - but I'll go find it. It's stuffed away in a copy of "Please Understand Me II" at home.

rwyatt365

09-25-2007, 04:46 PM

My wife is an ENTJ

The Rose

09-25-2007, 05:01 PM

My wife is an ENTJMany of the others here think that 2 INTJs go well together.
ENTJ isn't too different from that.

polenka

09-25-2007, 07:05 PM

Hmm...interesting. Assuming personality has some sort of systematized genetic basis this would suggest high intelligence in general, and the INTJ personality type in particular are on their way to extinction...

Unless, that is, high intelligence and the INTJ personality can be acquired from a particular configuration of alternative sources.

Oh, and

a) no I don't have time for anyone I dislike,

b) I've never really made the first move though I wouldn't exclude the possiblity of doing so,

c) I don't do any of the below if I don't like or dislike someone--unless they ask me to, in which case I see no reason to deny them simply based on "dislike." I should also express that, for me, "dislike" is a rare occurence...it's more of an absence of like.

d) I express affection by being interested in someone, available when they need something, and doing randomly (though I guess they wouldn't totally be random since the acts are contingent upon my admiration) kind things.

e) No long term romantic relationships though I have maintained long term relationships with several family members (though those should probably be excluded since they're rather obligatory) and a few select friends (funny how "long term relationship seems to trigger the condition that it be romantic) that I would consider succesful (of course if I didn't consider them succesful I probably would have discarded them long ago).

PS: Guido...I'm sure your relationship with your right hand is very fulfilling intellectually....

polenka

09-25-2007, 07:40 PM

And as a female INTJ, I am a little peeved regarding DeAngelo's characterization of women...

Tarrick

09-25-2007, 07:53 PM

And as a female INTJ, I am a little peeved regarding DeAngelo's characterization of women...

I think that he (along with a lot of people) don't understand N people, and even less us NT people.

OneBadMother

09-25-2007, 08:34 PM

polenka

09-25-2007, 09:31 PM

Another few questions into the mix:

-Would you date someone you liked, but didn't love?
-Would you date someone you liked, but wasn't attracted to?
-Would you say that your criteria for a relationship is very much higher than your criteria for a friendship?

a) no

b) no

Because neither makes sense in any long term fulfillment of the goal of dating (which, for me, is marriage, anything else would be mere frivolity)...

c) not higher, just slightly different--ie. there is a requirement of sexual attraction

Tarrick

09-25-2007, 11:04 PM

Jezebel

09-26-2007, 12:34 AM

-Would you date someone you liked, but didn't love?
no

-Would you date someone you liked, but wasn't attracted to?
no

-Would you say that your criteria for a relationship is very much higher than your criteria for a friendship?
yes, much higher

Rei

09-26-2007, 01:08 AM

-Would you date someone you liked, but didn't love?
Love is affection plus a mutual something developed over time together... so I must say, I can't say that I love a person before I'm in a relationship with him.

-Would you date someone you liked, but wasn't attracted to?
Attracted to as in physically? *My view on this is that prolonged exposure to someone not very attractive causes the person to seem less unattractive over time. *My verdict, if the person is not down right shocking, then I wouldn't mind.
If you mean attracted to as in... you like a friend, but you're not attracted to your friend kinda of deal, then no.

-Would you say that your criteria for a relationship is very much higher than your criteria for a friendship?
My criteria for friendship is high enough. *Many people who consider me a friend, I don't really consider as more than a pleasant aquaintance.

rwyatt365

09-26-2007, 04:39 AM

-Would you date someone you liked, but didn't love?
Love is affection plus a mutual something developed over time together... so I must say, I can't say that I love a person before I'm in a relationship with him.

-Would you date someone you liked, but wasn't attracted to?
Attracted to as in physically? My view on this is that prolonged exposure to someone not very attractive causes the person to seem less unattractive over time. My verdict, if the person is not down right shocking, then I wouldn't mind.
If you mean attracted to as in... you like a friend, but you're not attracted to your friend kinda of deal, then no.

-Would you say that your criteria for a relationship is very much higher than your criteria for a friendship?
My criteria for friendship is high enough. Many people who consider me a friend, I don't really consider as more than a pleasant aquaintance

I'd agree with Rei on these questions. Plus I'd add that relationship is friendship over time with intimacy added.

The Rose

09-26-2007, 05:22 AM

...-Would you date someone you liked, but didn't love?What's the definition of love in this context?

Rei

09-26-2007, 06:07 AM

...-Would you date someone you liked, but didn't love?What's the definition of love in this context?

Good one...
the love in this question should be "love"

The Rose

09-26-2007, 06:37 AM

Don't we like everybody before we love them?
How could we learn if we wanted to love them, unless we dated them when we only liked them.

Unless the question really means, would I date someone I liked even though I wasn't chemically attracted to them.

Rei

09-26-2007, 08:52 AM

I think only INTJ's (and one or two other types) would make these questions so complicated to answer. *shakes head*

Probably why the population with the status "In a Relationship" is so low... :(

TeleportThis

09-26-2007, 09:01 AM

-Would you date someone you liked, but didn't love?
Yes, for a while to see how it went.

-Would you date someone you liked, but wasn't attracted to?
no

-Would you say that your criteria for a relationship is very much higher than your criteria for a friendship?
It's probably about the same, which is high.

Jezebel

09-26-2007, 09:27 AM

-Would you date someone you liked, but didn't love?
Love is affection plus a mutual something developed over time together... so I must say, I can't say that I love a person before I'm in a relationship with him.

I took the first question to mean would I continue dating a person once I realized I didn't love them, just because it seemed like a given that people don't love each other immediately or before they start dating. But, if the question is to be interpreted differently, I agree with Rei's quote here.

OneBadMother

09-27-2007, 05:55 PM

I see love, caring, and sexual attraction as distinct, with love being acceptance of all of someone's flaws. So basically, if there were things about someone you cared about and were attracted to that you couldn't stand, would you date them?

Rei

09-27-2007, 08:45 PM

If I liked him enough, I probably wouldn't notice there was something about him I couldn't stand. :thinking:

Or I could also put it this way: I probably wouldn't be attracted to him if I saw any flaws in him.
I think to "love" is not merely acceptance, but to see even the flaws as good attributes...

Tarrick

09-27-2007, 10:49 PM

If I liked him enough, I probably wouldn't notice there was something about him I couldn't stand. :thinking:

You spend enough time with anyone, and you'll get acquainted with all their flaws...Hence, acceptance and forgiveness are very necessary.

Rei

09-27-2007, 11:53 PM

If I liked him enough, I probably wouldn't notice there was something about him I couldn't stand. * :thinking:

You spend enough time with anyone, and you'll get acquainted with all their flaws...Hence, acceptance and forgiveness are very necessary.

Well if you put it that way... it does mean that I'd probably have to have decided to date the person before I could get even more acquainted with all their flaws.

Then, ultimatly the answer would be no. If there's something I ALREADY find obnoxious about the person... why in the world would I make myself suffer more by spending extra time with them?

Tarrick

09-27-2007, 11:55 PM

Well if you put it that way... it does mean that I'd probably have to have decided to date the person before I could get even more acquainted with all their flaws.

Then, ultimatly the answer would be no. If there's something I ALREADY find obnoxious about the person... why in the world would I make myself suffer more by spending extra time with them?

Because once you get past that, they are the most awesome person you know?

Rei

09-28-2007, 09:05 AM

Well if they were THAT awesome I probably wouldn't pay much attention to the bad part. *If the good throughly outweighs the bad the the bad is insignificant. *But when I say obnoxious, I mean REALLy obnoxious things that they do all the time, and it frustrates you every time you spend time with them.

Tarrick

09-28-2007, 09:34 AM

Yeah well, it would depend on what it was....

Maybe you could beat it out of them or something? :thumbsup:

Rei

09-28-2007, 10:47 PM

Not likely I'll want to try.

Tarrick

09-29-2007, 05:54 PM

Not likely I'll want to try.

I probably wouldn't either, but it always depends on what it is.

Rei

09-29-2007, 09:56 PM

I guess so.
The more basic it is, the less likely I'll try because it is less likely it can be changed.

Too much patience/time/effort is required. I'm not so sure it's worth it.

Jbmontag

09-30-2007, 03:51 AM

-Would you ever date anyone that you didn't particularly like?
No

-Who makes the first move?
I can honestly say no. I think it is paralysis from analysis

-How do you express your dislike for others?
Avoidance, and if there is interaction. I'm all business i.e. yes and no answers, are we done?

-How do you express affection for others?
I ask questions, take an interest in what they like, to be able to talk about it with them. I'm actually playful and kind of goofy with them without the second guessing.

-Have you ever been in any successful long-term relationships?
My longest was 1 1/2 years. It should have ended a year before that.

Two woman I've had relationships with actually said "....and you're not always right". It was the last thing they said to me.

Guido

09-30-2007, 08:22 PM

Two woman I've had relationships with actually said "....and you're not always right". It was the last thing they said to me.

Hahaha... that makes me smile ;D

I had a similar quote from an ISFP that I 'dated' for a very short while. Long story short, she's one of those free spirited live for the moment kind of girls. Refreshing as something like that may be, it doesn't mix well with an INTJ as we tend to thoroughly think through everything. Here's a quote in one of the last emails I got from her:

"Stop trying to figure everything out, define and plan from the very beginning. It just creates unbearable pressure."

Of course this was followed by a few emails of her begging me to still be friends and to not cut her off. Which... I still feel pretty shitty about to this day :/

Fun times...

Tarrick

09-30-2007, 09:53 PM

"Stop trying to figure everything out, define and plan from the very beginning. It just creates unbearable pressure."

Of course this was followed by a few emails of her begging me to still be friends and to not cut her off. Which... I still feel pretty shitty about to this day :/

But planning stuff out to the nth degree so fun! :thumbsup:

As for cutting people off...having a friendship with someone after you've dated them seems like it would be rather awkward.

Rei

09-30-2007, 11:08 PM

But planning stuff out to the nth degree so fun! :thumbsup:

As for cutting people off...having a friendship with someone after you've dated them seems like it would be rather awkward.

It is! I spend so much time planning things just for the sake of it. I write stories for the sake of planning the plot and the characters. =/

Friendship after romantic relationship? Awkwardness to the power of infinity. I'm paranoid every time I EVER talk to my ex. His girlfriend freaks me out :scared:

Guido

10-01-2007, 12:28 AM

Yeah... it would be very awkward. However, that's not the reason for cutting her off. It's a long messy story... In short, I had liked her for awhile. She then kisses me randomly and we make out. Date for a couple weeks before she goes of to Hong Kong for a year. Turns out she never wanted a relationship and was just 'living for the moment'. Oddly enough, I told her 30 mins before she kissed me that I'd never kiss a girl if it didn't lead to a relationship. She just had a general lack of responsibility... and it's really hard to be friends with someone like that. Especially since she could potentially kiss me again and flip my life upside down... again. I actually miss her... :( but yeah... what are you gonna do. Maybe if a 'failed relationship stories' thread goes up I'll put out some more details.

Rei

10-01-2007, 08:27 AM

Laying on the sob story now huh Guido? :thumbsup:

Just for the heads up, OneBadMother actually did make a "Failed Relationship Thread" ;)

OneBadMother

10-01-2007, 08:58 AM

It seemed like a good idea at the time. :P Post away.

jellosubmarine

10-10-2007, 08:01 AM

-Would you ever date anyone that you didn't particularly like?
Not a chance - my social network is fairly exclusive
-Who makes the first move?
I always do - see something I like and I have to make it happen, unfortunately. I don't think I have ever been pursued in a healthy way
-How do you express your dislike for others?
Like most others here I hope they go away and I make no effort to do anything tangible about it
-How do you express affection for others?
Usually through acts of kindness and encouragement
-Have you ever been in any successful long-term relationships?
No - one of the resons I am here is to figure out why

Sergeant

10-11-2007, 08:19 PM

-Would you ever date anyone that you didn't particularly like?
Only if she made the first move and she was attractive. A moot point now that I'm married.
-Who makes the first move?
Depends, generally I shy away from the first move.
-How do you express your dislike for others?
I tend to be passive agressive. Criticism is an effective weapon. When I finally break up I very much cut off and out the relationship.
-How do you express affection for others?
Cautiously.
-Have you ever been in any successful long-term relationships?
Six years with my wife.

thegnat

10-12-2007, 09:43 PM

Would I ever date anyone that I don't particularly like?
No. I've done that to see how it goes (they asked me) and it hasn't worked out well AT ALL

Would I make the first move?
No way. I'm a girl so that saves me a bit but is probably part of my downfall. I do think guys are less forward - one confessed how he doesn't think girls like it if he asks them out.

How would you express your dislike for others?
I just don't tend to be as open with them, talk as much with them. I try not to make it obvious. I'll just be polite with them. If I lose more respect though - they get a bit of a glare and terse answers, if they lose more respect from me, they get ignored, maybe spat at at the worst, if they lose more from me - I can be mean if someone gets to that point. BUT that's VERY VERY VERY rare. In fact I don't think that's happened.

How do I express affection?
I'm more open, I talk with them, I listen to them and help them out with things. I'm a very loyal friend. I'm not a touchy, feely, kinda gal though.
Have I ever been successful in long-term relationships?
Nope. None have lasted past....a month. I'm 20...

As for the intelligent guys failing at dating - they did stereotype the women as being of the social norm. Like for example, I appreciate intellectual conversation. Though the guy might think I'm just a friend of his. Actually I do have quite a few guy friends like that. I think part of my problem with relationships is that I don't know how to flirt. I can't be fake either.

and another of my problems is probably the fact that the main things I can talk about are, tennis, horses, chemistry, some other science here and there, a little tech and some other completely random things. but they're not like totally normal subjects - more intellectual in nature.

iamnotspock

10-14-2007, 01:33 AM

Guido, was she Chinese, by any chance?

As for the article, I think he's basically correct. I would challenge any INTJ guy who disagrees to simply TRY the points out in the article in real life dating situations. That is the real test. Dating has a logic all of its own, you cannot understand it a priori, and the proof is in the "pudding".

And for the q's, I would say I didn't really "like" any of the women I dated, slept with, or lived with so far. They all had incredible levels of hypocrisy, female logic, selective memory, and general self-centered-ness, not to mention endless emotional demands. But take an exotic accent, add a sexy shape, and top it off with a fascinating brain, and I am warm butter on toast. The girls I liked just became friends.

Jezebel

10-15-2007, 06:59 AM

Off topic replies have been moved to This Thread

mind_wander

10-15-2007, 07:01 AM

iwin

10-17-2007, 08:06 PM

-Would you ever date anyone that you didn't particularly like?
Perhaps, if it was practical enough. On the other hand I wouldn't date anybody I like if there was no improvement (financial, emotional, whatever).

-Who makes the first move?
Not me. But there were times when I made the first moves. Years ago though.

-How do you express your dislike for others?
I erase them from my memory, and from my social sphere.

-How do you express affection for others?
Silently, hoping that they already know what I feel. I'm there for them after all.

-Have you ever been in any successful long-term relationships?
Yes. But not currently.

Blendy

10-17-2007, 08:49 PM

Would you ever date anyone that you didn't particularly like?
No

Who makes the first move?
I'm a bit shy.

How do you express your dislike for others?
I try to avoid them; if that's not possible, I stare at them icily and speak in clipped, businesslike tones.

How do you express affection for others?
I smile and laugh with them, compliment them, do nice things, etc.- the usual

Have you ever been in any successful long-term relationships?
One. Eight years and counting.

snoogit

10-17-2007, 09:46 PM

-Would you ever date anyone that you didn't particularly like?

No. It wouldn't be advantageous for me to do that.

-Who makes the first move?

If I'm lucky the other individual, but since thats never the case I am normally the one to initiate contact. Although its only after months of thinking about it.

-How do you express your dislike for others?

I'm condescending in a way only I can understand. (a.k.a: I tend to make inside jokes about the person only I can understand)

-How do you express affection for others?

Well I suppose with lavish gifts, if I think the person is truly deserving of the affection.

-Have you ever been in any successful long-term relationships?

Nope. Although its more a lack of trying. (Or over analyzing the situation until its too late.)

Natrushka

10-18-2007, 05:26 AM

Would you ever date anyone that you didn't particularly like?
Nope. Never.

Who makes the first move?
It depends; if I want something / someone I have no problem making the first move.

How do you express your dislike for others?
If I don't know them I treat them neutrally. If I am not fond of them I avoid them and am civil when I cannot avoid them. If I dislike them I ignore them completely- it takes a lot for me to go from neutral to dislike, but when I do, that's it. They're dismissed.

How do you express affection for others?
I pay attention to them and listen to what they have to say. I engage them. To me this is the ultimate compliment.

Have you ever been in any successful long-term relationships?
Yes I have been and I am in one currently.

gwalchma

10-23-2007, 07:42 PM

-Would you ever date anyone that you didn't particularly like?
No

-Who makes the first move?
They do.

-How do you express your dislike for others?
Deadpan expressions when they talk

-How do you express affection for others?
Talk to them about their lives, share of mine. Most good friends get hugs from me when I see them.

-Have you ever been in any successful long-term relationships?
No. Partly due to my fear of commitment...which really is a fear of the loss of my "freedom". I really cannot explain it but through some soul searching, I realize that is it. Now to find out why I would think a committed relationship would result in me losing my freedom. It is not freedom to date others as I rarely date at all...it's something else I can't put my finger on or at least put into words.
If anyone has the same issue, please enlighten me! lol

Fecal McAngry

10-24-2007, 01:52 AM

-Would you ever date anyone that you didn't particularly like?
No

-Who makes the first move?
They do. *

-How do you express your dislike for others?
Deadpan expressions when they talk

-How do you express affection for others?
Talk to them about their lives, share of mine. *Most good friends get hugs from me when I see them.

-Have you ever been in any successful long-term relationships?
No. *Partly due to my fear of commitment...which really is a fear of the loss of my "freedom". *I really cannot explain it but through some soul searching, I realize that is it. *Now to find out why I would think a committed relationship would result in me losing my freedom. *It is not freedom to date others as I rarely date at all...it's something else I can't put my finger on or at least put into words.
If anyone has the same issue, please enlighten me! lol
I recently had a relationship-turned-friendship-turned-bad-ending with an INTJ woman which featured some very strange dynamics I'm still trying to understand and learn from (as I do like INTJs, and am attracted to some of them)
1) She would express a concern about an area (diet, relationship, job) of her life
2) I would sympathize, and offer to help
3) I would suggest Solution Y to problem X
4) She would agree to try Solution Y
5) She would try Solution Y, and tell me she liked the initial results
6) a week or two later she would furiously tell me she was abandoning Solution Y, and that she liked HER way better (even though it left her with the problem she was complaining about)
7) I would walk away hurt and confused, and puzzled as to how I could make this friendship work (I don't like having to censor myself or walk on eggshells around someone I love)

I think, in retrospect, she simply wanted some not-terribly-deep degree of emotional reassurance, or strokes (which I'm good at; it's my INFP nature), but any sort of DIRECTIVE suggestions coming from me--or deep probing--were eventually perceived as attempts to control her (Which strikes me as insane; if you tell me you have a painful headache, and I offer to give you some of my aspirin, I am..._limiting_ your autonomy/freedom?), which certainly wasn't my intent; in the end I think she even began to perceive the kind of emotional insights/strokes she used to come to me seeking as evidence of an unhealthy dependency, but again, I feel, bottom line, she didn't trust me and felt opening herself to me as she did ceded me too much power (an NT perspective, NOT an NF one!)...

Weirdness. Still licking my wounds from that one :-[

gwalchma

10-24-2007, 07:51 PM

-
-[b]Have you ever been in any successful long-term relationships?
No. Partly due to my fear of commitment...which really is a fear of the loss of my "freedom". I really cannot explain it but through some soul searching, I realize that is it. Now to find out why I would think a committed relationship would result in me losing my freedom. It is not freedom to date others as I rarely date at all...it's something else I can't put my finger on or at least put into words.
If anyone has the same issue, please enlighten me! lol
I recently had a relationship-turned-friendship-turned-bad-ending with an INTJ woman which featured some very strange dynamics I'm still trying to understand and learn from (as I do like INTJs, and am attracted to some of them)
1) She would express a concern about an area (diet, relationship, job) of her life
2) I would sympathize, and offer to help
3) I would suggest Solution Y to problem X
4) She would agree to try Solution Y
5) She would try Solution Y, and tell me she liked the initial results
6) a week or two later she would furiously tell me she was abandoning Solution Y, and that she liked HER way better (even though it left her with the problem she was complaining about)
7) I would walk away hurt and confused, and puzzled as to how I could make this friendship work (I don't like having to censor myself or walk on eggshells around someone I love)

I think, in retrospect, she simply wanted some not-terribly-deep degree of emotional reassurance, or strokes (which I'm good at; it's my INFP nature), but any sort of DIRECTIVE suggestions coming from me--or deep probing--were eventually perceived as attempts to control her (Which strikes me as insane; if you tell me you have a painful headache, and I offer to give you some of my aspirin, I am..._limiting_ your autonomy/freedom?), which certainly wasn't my intent; in the end I think she even began to perceive the kind of emotional insights/strokes she used to come to me seeking as evidence of an unhealthy dependency, but again, I feel, bottom line, she didn't trust me and felt opening herself to me as she did ceded me too much power (an NT perspective, NOT an NF one!)...

Weirdness. Still licking my wounds from that one :-[
Well, I don't dare second guess my INTJ sisters! I couldn't begin to understand w/o knowing your friend. I am sorry though.
I know I am very sensitive about HOW ideas are presented to me when it is about adjusting my behavior and habits...yes, even if it was solicited. I know I know...but thats just the way it is.
I would just guess that she may have been more upset at herself for: changing what she knew was right for her; the fact that she didn't trust her own instincts and followed someone else's; refusing to listen to her intuition.
My autonomy is threatened if i have the wrong mate - but I think that if I have the right one, for me, I would be just fine...relieved even...as the search would be over! But I'm not really searching!! ;)
I can tell you that I have a very close male INTJ friend who would never suggest a specific solution to me. He knows that I will find the solution on my own and if I dont, well that's on me; eventually I will get tired of hitting my head against the brick wall! But he will listen and let me talk my problem out - I end up solving it myself. I just needed to bounce it off someone I trust.

Fecal McAngry

10-24-2007, 11:57 PM

Well, I don't dare second guess my INTJ sisters! I couldn't begin to understand w/o knowing your friend. I am sorry though.
I know I am very sensitive about HOW ideas are presented to me when it is about adjusting my behavior and habits...yes, even if it was solicited. I know I know...but thats just the way it is.
I would just guess that she may have been more upset at herself for: changing what she knew was right for her; the fact that she didn't trust her own instincts and followed someone else's; refusing to listen to her intuition.
My autonomy is threatened if i have the wrong mate - but I think that if I have the right one, for me, I would be just fine...relieved even...as the search would be over! But I'm not really searching!! ;)
I can tell you that I have a very close male INTJ friend who would never suggest a specific solution to me. He knows that I will find the solution on my own and if I dont, well that's on me; eventually I will get tired of hitting my head against the brick wall! But he will listen and let me talk my problem out - I end up solving it myself. I just needed to bounce it off someone I trust.

Thanks for the feedback, I agree with some of your points...As an INFP, some of my natural behavior in close personal relationships could certainly be perceived as NOSY (I ask questions! If I and an INTJ friend are in the same room listening to a third party tell us, for example, that she'd just been diagnosed with a contagious condition, both I and said INTJ would wonder, internally, "How did you GET crabs?"---but only I would have the impertinence to actually ask the question.) and intrusive (to my mind, "nurturing"), but I also think a stressor is the clash between my Ne and her Ni; as an NP, I tend to spew a lot of info/ideas all over the place, to an INJ this can be overwhelming/excessive---even if, bit by bit, the actual ideas seem reasonable...

blackout

10-25-2007, 01:07 AM

-Would you ever date anyone that you didn't particularly like?
Hell no.

-Who makes the first move?
Me, but only after i'm at least 95% sure my advances will be succesfull.

-How do you express your dislike for others?
I ridicule them.

-How do you express affection for others?
I don't ridicule them.

-Have you ever been in any successful long-term relationships?
Almost every relationhip I get into lasts at least a year, because I'd never choose to get involved with someone I didnt see as a potential long term mate. I guess I'm just a good analyzer. =;^)

bucolic_

10-25-2007, 03:23 PM

-Would you ever date anyone that you didn't particularly like? - no

-Who makes the first move? - I did once, usually don't though

-How do you express your dislike for others? - By ignoring them. If they're persistent, I've been known to make rude remarks or glare at them... It's typically pretty low-key, but obvious.

-How do you express affection for others? - Hmmm...by talking to them I guess? I don't really know

-Have you ever been in any successful long-term relationships? - Sort of, 3 months? Doesn't really count though, high school.

10-25-2007, 04:53 PM

-Would you ever date anyone that you didn't particularly like?
No.
-Who makes the first move?
Up to now, no one. I've dated some girls in the pass but it seems I spend to much time in the rationalizing phase that they just end up growing tired.
-How do you express your dislike for others?
My tone usually changes and I am avoidant.
-How do you express affection for others?
Its hard, I cannot flirt well, but I've used some quotes I found romantic from time to time in the occassion.
-Have you ever been in any successful long-term relationships?
Nope but I am 18. Read below as well.

The one problem I have is making the move to initiate a relationship. I have no trouble calling or inviting the girls I've met until now. We get to know each other well and our similarities, I am reserved of myself for the most part but I do open up after I see they are worth my time. But I spend to much time thinking in the future and 'compatibility' that by the time I think I should step up they have come to see me as just a great friend and will move on to other people. While I've created some strong friendships this way it is becoming stressful to me. What would you guys suggest to overcome this?

I'm surprised I finished typing this. Usually I would never make a personal remark on a message board. But considering most of us appear to suffer of the same trait it would be worth it to hear your suggestions.

cielo market

10-25-2007, 05:19 PM

A suitable (adjusted) quote from the Simpsons seems appropiate:

"Y'know, a town an INTJ with money a relationship is like a mule with a spinning wheel. No one knows how he got it and danged if he knows how to use it!"
-Lyle Lanley

Would you ever date anyone that you didn't particularly like?
NO.
Who makes the first move?
The guy.
How do you express your dislike for others?
Ignore them. I try not to initiate tension with someone I don't like because only a fool takes up a fool's argument.
How do you express affection for others?
Ignore them (lol unintentionally, of course). No touchy. They would be put at the top of my "Valued Opinion" list. Most of all, try not to offend them.
Have you ever been in any successful long-term relationships?
Not-a-one.

Never really have "looked" before, so I'm pretty neutral on the subject. But if these so-called relationships that you speak of come with too much petty drama, I've got better things to do. And yeah, and it probably doesn't help that I hate talking on the phone. Apparently that's how these things get initiated?

xtremegeek

10-25-2007, 05:48 PM

bucolic_

10-26-2007, 12:29 PM

xtremegeek

10-26-2007, 12:35 PM

Firelie

10-26-2007, 12:35 PM

Rei

10-26-2007, 01:44 PM

bucolic_

10-26-2007, 03:40 PM

Would you be doing it because you really, really like the person, or because you just want to use the person for a few months then disappear?

If I were to do it, it'd be because I like them, but that's just me personally, I'm not really into "using" people.

Man, that could get very expensive. How far is "long distance" to you?

Oh, good point, when I said I'd do it, i didn't mean cross country...but a short-medium car drive maybe. Depends though.

Yersinia

10-27-2007, 07:09 PM

INTJs - would you go out with someone twice (long distance relationship) then after the second meeting, insist that you and your new love interest map out the next 6 months of your lives together, alternating weekends traveling to each other's abodes? Does that seem INTJish?
I think I would do it. Even if I had to cross countries. Last year it nearly looked like he would stay in Germany and me in the UK for our studies. Fortunately, he came with me. But even if he hadn't done so, I wouldn't give it up.

Would you ever date anyone that you didn't particularly like?
Nope.
-Who makes the first move?
Me. I like to have everything under my control.
-How do you express your dislike for others?
I'm even nicer to them to get to know their weak point and destroy them (just joking). But I think I would treat them as I treat other people. They shouldn't think that I don't like them as this might be a weak point of me. That's why I don't ignore them since they would realise it.
-How do you express affection for others?
By spending most of my time with that person (actually I'm able to show it to only 1 person, I'm only kind to the rest) and doing things the person likes.
-Have you ever been in any successful long-term relationships?
Yep. 4 years. Nowadays people just can't cope with problems because they're striving for the most pleasent way of life. So when things get complicated they just break up. *losers*

bucolic_

10-27-2007, 07:55 PM

mind_wander

10-27-2007, 10:42 PM

Would you ever date anyone that you didn't particularly like?
Nope.
Who makes the first move?
Me. I like to have everything under my control with exceptions.
How do you express your dislike for others?
I'm even nicer to them to get to know their weak point and destroy them (just joking). But I think I would treat them as I treat other people. They shouldn't think that I don't like them as this might be a weak point of me. That's why I don't ignore them since they would realise it. Nodding head
How do you express affection for others?
By spending most of my time with that person (actually I'm able to show it to only 1 person, I'm only kind to the rest) and doing similar things with the other person; accepting some new options.
Have you ever been in any successful long-term relationships?
Lets just say keeping my options opened. A rarity is a sacred thing, so always leave yourself with opened opinions. There can be other INTJ's like you, but I know that their is something in me want to come out. (Yarsinia)

I'd changed a few words around, but very similar to your original.

L30

10-28-2007, 06:38 AM

Would you ever date anyone that you didn't particularly like?
I'll fuck any girl who doesn't cause me to vomit on sight.
But obviously I won't spend time (outside of bed) with girls I don't like (I'm an emotional shipwreck, needy and low self esteem, but still not to THAT point.. :scared:)

Who makes the first move?
Me, being the male.

How do you express your dislike for others?
Ignore.

How do you express affection for others?
Uhm... I don't? :suspicious:
With girls I'm physically very affectionate.

Have you ever been in any successful long-term relationships?
Nope.

xtremegeek

10-28-2007, 09:52 AM

i just realized this might be misinterpreted..when i said it sound INTJ like, I mean the whole planning everything out in advance. The traveling part seemed ancillary, I was mainly referring to having things set out in his head...

Got it. The planning so far in advance is still a concern. How does the SO manage to allow an INTJ to have their inner plans, but make allowances for the SO when that person can't fulfill all the plans of the INTJ? It seems to me that if an INTJ does not learn some give-take in a relationship, they'll always be alone and lonely.

Man, that could get very expensive. How far is "long distance" to you?

1000 miles

Henry

10-29-2007, 01:57 PM

-Would you ever date anyone that you didn't particularly like?

...not likely.

-Who makes the first move?

Generally they do. *I'm bad at reading others' signals.

-How do you express your dislike for others?

Conscious of my power base and use it at opportune moments to screw them over.

-How do you express affection for others?

Lots of ways; spending time together, discussing ideas, assisting with something, etc.

-Have you ever been in any successful long-term relationships?

Yes, many, both romantic and otherwise. *I apologize after I rant/rave which is endearing for whatever reason, and it salvages a lot of relationships that my ITJness would otherwise destroy.

HarleyQuinn

10-29-2007, 02:33 PM

Would you ever date anyone that you didn't particularly like?
Nope. I'd go crazy trying to deal with them whilst hating them at the same time. If it's mild dislike, maybe, but doubtful 'cause that'd require putting on a facade.

Who makes the first move?
I'm as blind as Mister Magoo when it comes to reading signals from other people. Often, they have to make the first initiation move.

How do you express your dislike for others?
My smile's pretty genuine so I'll often give a strained smile (it's obvious if it's strained) or I'll quickly find a way to get away from them during a conversation. If in a group, I'll just stay quiet and give a curt reply if they ask me something.

How do you express affection for others?
It varies but it usually involves conversation or joking around if it's with a friend. Romantically, I'll try and come up with unique situations or gifts that pertain to their interests.

Have you ever been in any successful long-term relationships?
All my friendships have lasted 5 years on the nose (normally a result of me/friend moving to another place). Romantically, my longest relationship was 1 month but it was the first scenario where I didn't really like the person but she just latched onto me and my friends pressured me (along with my parents) into trying to make it work.

aelan

10-29-2007, 07:43 PM

Would you ever date anyone that you didn't particularly like?
no, I would never use someone like that, and besides, it'd be a waste of time anyways.

Who makes the first move?
neither (well, not anyone I've actually wanted to be with). I'm too shy or indecisive, and I'm usually attracted to people who are shy too. I also wouldn't want somoene else to make the first move unless I really wanted them and was too scared to do it myself. I don't like being "pursued," especially if I'm unsure about the situation or don't really know the person. If I'm not comfortable initiating things with someone, I don't think I'd like being with them.

How do you express your dislike for others?
pretend I don't notice them, unless they speak to me directly. *If they do, I'll probably just be nice and talk to them, though I'll remain very distant (though I'm distant a lot anyways, regardless of how I feel about someone).

How do you express affection for others?

Ignore them (lol unintentionally, of course).
haha, sadly, I tend to do this too sometimes. *For me, its usually when I like someone and get nervous. *To avoid showing my nervousness around them, I'll avoid them completely. *Then they think I don't know they exist and move on..

Have you ever been in any successful long-term relationships?
no, I've never been in any type of relationship.

mustangtech

10-31-2007, 10:10 PM

-Would you ever date anyone that you didn't particularly like?
No.

-Who makes the first move?
It would probably have to be her. I've made the first move a few times in the past and have gotten shot down so I probably won't make the first move again unless I felt it was sure thing.

-How do you express your dislike for others?
I don't spend time with people I don't like, it's that simple. I'll be nice to them while around them, but I try to mimimize that time.

-How do you express affection for others?
By spending time with the person. Not touchy-feely. Not chatty. Just talking about current events or history or asking their opinion on things.

-Have you ever been in any successful long-term relationships?
Never had one.

-Would you date someone you liked, but didn't love?
Love is a choice. I don't think I'd immediately love someone the second I started dating them.

-Would you date someone you liked, but wasn't attracted to?
Most likely no.

-Would you say that your criteria for a relationship is very much higher than your criteria for a friendship?
I'd say they are about the same but my criteria for friendship is very high anyway. I have maybe 3 or 4 friends that I'm really close to. I have another 10 or so who I enjoy seeing or being around. Like someone said earlier most people who consider me there friend I probably only consider them a cordial aquaintience.

tubaglue

11-01-2007, 08:09 PM

-Would you ever date anyone that you didn't particularly like?

I find it difficult to be in the presence of people I don't like, let alone spend signifigant amounts of time in one on one interaction of a date-like fashion.

-Who makes the first move?

Typically she does, but here recently I've been trying to fulfill my biological role as a man and take a little more control over my personal relationships. So far it hasn't gone so well, but I'm learning an awful lot.

-Have you ever been in any successful long-term relationships?

Once in high school, but I freaked out a little bit. Now I'm just trying to figure out how to make a successful relationship. That shit's complicated.

-Would you date someone you liked, but didn't love?

Someone else on here said "Love is a choice." and I have to agree and add that it's developed over time. So I guess I'm saying that for me, dating is the process you go through to decide if this is someone you can love.

-Would you date someone you liked, but wasn't attracted to?

No, I'd feel dishonest as if I was leading them on.

-Would you say that your criteria for a relationship is very much higher than your criteria for a friendship?

Definitly. Although I expect a lot of my friends, I expect a lot more out of someone with whom I'm investing a lot of emotional energy.

Santana28

11-01-2007, 10:36 PM

-Would you ever date anyone that you didn't particularly like?

Sadly enough, i have. It seems like my selfish priorities supercede those of others at times. I've made a conscious effort to consider other people's feelings before well... "using" them. Its difficult when you can rationalize that you are ultimately doing good for everyone involved... ::sigh::

-Who makes the first move?

I have always made the first move if it was something i was actively pursuing. But generally, i am completely oblivious that someone is interested in me and am completely caught off guard when they come out and say it, or completely miss other more subtle attempts at getting the point across to me. I ended up dating a guy who had a crush on me for 3 years prior that i had absolutely no clue about until he just out and kissed me one day. Looking back on the prior 3 years, it was completely obvious. But in my mind it was an impossibility, so i had never even bothered to consider it. One of my worst weaknesses - overlooking the obvious.

-How do you express your dislike for others?

I ignore them. If they ask whether i like them or not, i will be bluntly honest - but i'll never go out of my way to cause problems for someone i dont like. If i don't like you, you're pretty much not alive to me - you're not even an afterthought. I simply don't think about it.

-How do you express affection for others?

Simple, small meaningfull gestures - at every opportunity. I am also a big gift-giver... but i also like it to be something genuinely meaningful that perhaps only the recipient and i understand :)

-Have you ever been in any successful long-term relationships?

LOL... by definition yes. By reality, no. In fact... imagine the messiest, most complex, most bizarre scenario you could ever think of... i've probably done it. On purpose. And enjoyed every moment of it.

INTJs - would you go out with someone twice (long distance relationship) then after the second meeting, insist that you and your new love interest map out the next 6 months of your lives together, alternating weekends traveling to each other's abodes? Does that seem INTJish?

Been there; done that; wrote the book on it. Next please.

MichaelH

11-02-2007, 12:09 PM

-Would you ever date anyone that you didn't particularly like?
Not even for money.

-Who makes the first move?
I do, but it's subtle. They have to pick up on it.

-How do you express your dislike for others?
Ignoring them.

-How do you express affection for others?
By spending time with them. By making them part of my plans.

-Have you ever been in any successful long-term relationships?
Yes - 16 years of domestic partnership and counting. It has real ups and downs, like any relationship. But from the second time we met, my spouse has been the color in my black-and-white world.

Also, in response to INTJs "thinking they're always right", I can only speak for my own experience. I thought I was always right until I saw more of the world and how people worked. As a teenager, I knew how the world was supposed to change and what everyone should have been doing. (This may describe all teenagers.) I didn't grow out of that phase until my mid 20s, when I started to realize the world wouldn't bend to my will. I've since realized others make decisions that work for them. Living the life I'd designed for them would make them miserable, just like me living a life someone else designed for me would make me miserable.

I still trust my judgement over anyone else's though. Everyone should! ;D

brookgarden

11-02-2007, 09:27 PM

Would you ever date anyone that you didn't particularly like?
nfw

Who makes the first move?
I might indicate interest with a look but the rest is up to him.

How do you express your dislike for others?
I become the ice queen. Works every time.

How do you express affection for others?
I'm pretty much a toucher -- more or less depending on the relationship.

Have you ever been in any successful long-term relationships?
Just one and it was successful only because we didn't live together

Kfbr

11-04-2007, 09:27 AM

-Would you ever date anyone that you didn't particularly like?
No, waste of both people's times.

-Who makes the first move?
I used to like it when a woman would make the first move, and still do to an extent but I've noticed those relationships don't last long.

-How do you express your dislike for others?
Ignore them

-How do you express affection for others?
Spend as much time as I can with them

-Have you ever been in any successful long-term relationships?
Just got out of a 2 year relationship. It was very successful and it ended without bloodshed, but on paper we just wouldn't have worked out.

GOD

11-04-2007, 09:59 AM

Well,

Its clearly evident that most INTJ's let the other party make the first move. Guys and Girls alike.

I've always suspected that the ITJ function is one to keep their emotions completely under control... and relationships (especially "asking out") can lead to loss of control.

Gabrielle

11-07-2007, 06:21 PM

Would you ever date anyone that you didn't particularly like?
If we're compatible and if his appearance didn't make me scream and run away, of course.

Who makes the first move?
Depends on who likes who more.

How do you express your dislike for others?
Ignoring them, silence treatment.

How do you express affection for others?
I allow physical displays of affection, I may even initiate one myself (GASP!).

Have you ever been in any successful long-term relationships?
A year and a half, and it shipwrecked. :(

Paul V

11-09-2007, 09:31 AM

-Would you ever date anyone that you didn't particularly like?

Never. Unless it's a "pretend" thing.

-Who makes the first move?

Probably me, as long as I can pick up some signs or clues that she's into me. Otherwise, her.

-How do you express your dislike for others?

Avoiding physical contact (if I allow you to touch me, it means I REALLY like you). Glares of sheer despise. Presenting a cold demeanour. Not paying attention to you. Being more blunt than normal.

-How do you express affection for others?

Allowing and initiating physical contact. Smiling a lot. Lots of eye contact. Paying my full attention to someone. Being far less blunt.

-Have you ever been in any successful long-term relationships?

Haven't been in any sort of relationship. Not even a kiss.

oceanicon

11-09-2007, 09:53 AM

-Would you ever date anyone that you didn't particularly like?
no

-Who makes the first move?
it was always me and it will probably forever be me.

-How do you express your dislike for others?
avoiding the person of dislike

-How do you express affection for others?
smiling, deep eye contact, full attention

-Have you ever been in any successful long-term relationships?
no, my only relationship lasted 8 short days.

OneBadMother

11-11-2007, 04:45 PM

More questions (does it ever end?!):

-How physically affectionate are you with friends of the opposite sex that you aren't romantically interested in?

-Have you ever changed your mind about someone once you've rejected them?

-Have you ever rejected someone because you thought it probably wouldn't work out for one reason or another, even if you were interested in them?

The Many

11-11-2007, 05:17 PM

-Would you ever date anyone that you didn't particularly like?

No. Why would I? On second thoughts, it is a possibility just to try to get to know them better. I enjoy figuring people out.

-Who makes the first move?

Usually the girl, but I will if sufficiently interested (which has happened only twice, whilst I don't even know how many girls have been hitting on me).

-How do you express your dislike for others?

Sarcasm, of course, as well as avoiding them/being colder than usual whenever I have to be in their company.

-How do you express affection for others?

I usually tell them, strangely enough. I am not particularly anxious with words. I will also talk to them a lot and make time for them - which something I don't usually to for people.

-Have you ever been in any successful long-term relationships?

No. I could have, I suppose, but I simply wasn't interested enough.

-How physically affectionate are you with friends of the opposite sex that you aren't romantically interested in?

Not at all. I don't really enjoy being that close to someone I don't like/trust.

-Have you ever changed your mind about someone once you've rejected them?

Yes. Dumbest thing I ever did. Do not be so stupid as to try to give someone who has let you down a second chance; they will only do it again.

-Have you ever rejected someone because you thought it probably wouldn't work out for one reason or another, even if you were interested in them?

It depends on what you mean with "interested in"; if interesting means being interested in getting to know, I definitely have rejected people like that - for instance a girl who has walked up to me and kissed me many times when out partying (but she already has a boyfriend), or another one in my class that I simply did not have the time to get involved with due to higher priorities (achieving the grades I had set out to get - I did get those grades too). Of course, someone who kisses me when she already has a boyfriend or who is as ESFJ as that girl in my class, are hardly worth any attention when it comes to actual relationships.

On the other hand, if "interested in" means actually in love with or something like that, I would walk through fire, burst through stone or cut off my right hand merely to get to know them.

WavesSootheMe

11-11-2007, 06:03 PM

Would you ever date anyone that you didn't particularly like?

I would never date someone that I disliked. However, I would date someone that I liked well enough, but knew had no long-term potential. Dating, to me, can be for the sake of fun. I've enjoyed a summer fling here and there. While I was "dating around" there did come a point where I started feeling pretty dead inside, so I stopped.

Who makes the first move?

I have only "made the first move," as in been the first to express my feelings towards another, once. The situation was such that it had to be me if I wanted something to happen. Otherwise, I've never made the first move and never plan on making the first move.

How do you express your dislike for others?

If I like them and they do something I don't like, I'm blunt about it. If there's an overall dislike, I don't talk to them. I'll be polite if I have to, but otherwise I'd rather talk to someone else or think to myself, and I assume that they'd rather talk to someone else as well. If they're really annoying me and not getting the hint, then I'll say something, but otherwise I avoid confrontation/drama. We can't all like everyone. That's the beauty of diversity. Anyone is welcome to like or dislike me and I maintain that same right toward others. I generally can't stand the really outgoing people that try to be best friends with everyone or try too hard to fit in.

How do you express affection for others?

I talk to them with as much eye contact as I can withstand. I let them touch me and touch them back (if I don't know/like a person my personal bubble is huge). I tease them and welcome teasing in return. I show that they're important to me by ensuring that I have time to spend with them on a regular basis. I help out where I can. Maybe I'm not so successful though. This guy I've been dating on and off for the last year once said, "If I didn't know that you liked me, I'd think you hated me."

I'm a very open person overall. I don't see the point in regrets or keeping secrets. Some people mistake this sharing of information as closeness. It's very difficult for me to feel close to someone. Even my good friends are kept at a bit of a distance. I love spending time with them and having people I like to do things with, but they're not the only people in the world that can serve that function.

Have you ever been in any successful long-term relationships?

I've been in two, three-year relationships. The first serious boyfriend was completely over-dramatic and the second was even worse at expressing emotion and affection than myself. I count the second as fairly successful. He was the first guy with whom I could picture a happy future. There were many aspects of the relationship that I loved and miss, but the aspects that weren't good were deal-breakers. Ironically, I didn't feel important enough to him to continue the relationship beyond three years.

Rohsiph

11-11-2007, 08:58 PM

Never been in a relationship by any conventional standards . . .

possibly because my own standards are too high. I refuse to become involved in a relationship that I could predict would prove unsustainable beyond six months. I had a few chances to start something in high school, but the girl I was after wanted nothing to do with me.

I seem to be almost completely invisible to the female population at my University . . . have gotten close to one girl, but she was dating the guy she's now engaged to before I met her. Am trying to reconnect with her as friends right now, but it's proving difficult . . . probably not worth the stress.

Have felt like I've been ready for a meaningful, companionate relationship for something like two years, but ever since the one friend told me she was engaged I seem to be attracted exclusively to women that are my own age yet somehow already married. It's getting pretty annoying, actually . . . I'd love to be able to lock up my desires for a relationship until I finish college, as a different friend of mine suggests, until I'm at an age where my peers are at the emotional & intellectual maturity level I'm at right now.

Sometimes it sucks being ahead of the curve . . . I'd guess I'm preaching to the choir about that here.

As depressed & cynical as I get, I consistently amaze myself with my ability to hold on to my integrity (which, importantly, includes my dreams and my standards). I'll never see as much "action" as the average modern male, but if it's possible to get things right the very first time I'll be one of the very few who do it (I just hope this is before I turn 30).

xanodel

11-11-2007, 09:44 PM

-Would you ever date anyone that you didn't particularly like?
Nope.
- Who makes the first move?
Actually, I usually do.
- How do you express your dislike for others?
Ignoring them and secretly plotting their downfall.
- How do you express affection for others?
I have been told that I act quite cute, and take notice of everything, so almost everything I do for them in turn becomes quite thoughtful.
- Have you ever been in any successful long-term relationships?
Well, back in high school, a year was considered long, though we did break up at the end. Currently, not looking anyways since there's too much with school and whatnot.

Gabrielle

11-12-2007, 06:39 PM

-How physically affectionate are you with friends of the opposite sex that you aren't romantically interested in?

Hugs.

-Have you ever changed your mind about someone once you've rejected them?

Nope.

-Have you ever rejected someone because you thought it probably wouldn't work out for one reason or another, even if you were interested in them?

Err, no. I get interested in them AFTER I evaluate if it would work out or not.

Rei

11-12-2007, 06:53 PM

How physically affectionate are you with friends of the opposite sex that you aren't romantically interested in?

Depends what you consider affectionate. I lean on them when I'm tired... shoulder squeezes when they're stressed out... Anything else physical are pretty guy-to-guy behaviours...

Have you ever changed your mind about someone once you've rejected them?
No... though I do think back and think... "damn, they came after me for a frikin' long time... I can't believe they couldn't make me give in"

Have you ever rejected someone because you thought it probably wouldn't work out for one reason or another, even if you were interested in them?
Haven't REALLY been in this situation yet... I probably wouldn't though... It's hard to find someone I'm interested in... I'd probably be determined to make it work.

elsdfr

11-14-2007, 07:05 AM

Relationships ( >three months, I count two in five years :() seem to involve someone willing to put up with me.

I really appreciate SF types and find if they learn to take the bad me along with the fact I can actually be extremely nice and patient at times that it can be good... unfortunately this is hard to find though. Lately if things are going okay I do try to explain why I might act a certain way sometimes. (ie. retreating in my own world).

I've also tried to "change" and actually found mimicking others can help but unfortunately I'm not that good of an actor.

----Have you ever changed your mind about someone once you've rejected them?

Yes, I always make sure I see life extactly how it might be before it ends.

---How do you express affection for others?

Do or give things I think they'll appreciate... entertain them.

-Have you ever rejected someone because you thought it probably wouldn't work out for one reason or another, even if you were interested in them?

The one that comes to mind was muscial, loving, lots of other things, I really liked her and her differences but thought she was also overly religious. Unfortunately I ended it because I couldn't foresee a future with such a difference between us, I'm still lamenting that one. Worse still she said "I can accept the difference why can't you?"... *sigh* why oh why can't I just get over a perceived fault?!

I was very typical when younger, I figured if someone didn't make sense then I wouldn't waste my time. I've known about MBTI for about a year now and I think its made me appreciate that there are differences worth searching for.

lebowski

11-17-2007, 05:01 PM

A few questions to start things off:

-Would you ever date anyone that you didn't particularly like?
Never, waste of time.

-Who makes the first move?
After much of a delay, I end up doing it. Most females feel that's not their job, so I end up mustering up the cojones.

-How do you express your dislike for others?
Probably by my lack of inclusion. If I don't like somebody, I cut them out of my life.
-How do you express affection for others?
I've been told I'm not nearly expressive enough. An old GF (extrovert) that I had a 2 1/2 year relationship was an emotional basketcase. She ended up leaving me for somebody who expressed his affection to her (and a few other females when he cheated on her). I am friends with her now, but she's admitted she was wrong for leaving me for that reason. Even though I didn't express my feelings much, she never had to question where my allegiance was.

-Have you ever been in any successful long-term relationships?
The 2 1/2 year relationship above was quasi-successful. That's the only one that came close, though.

BlackHawk

11-17-2007, 06:59 PM

Would you ever date anyone that you don't particularily like?
-No way!

Who makes the first move?
-If i'm actually looking out for "someone," then me. Otherwise, i'm oblivious.

How do you express your dislike for others?
-Standard response here. By ignoring them

How do you express affection for others?
-I smile to them, go out of my way to spend time with them, etc. And/or i let them touch me. (I HATE people touching me in general!)

Have you ever been in any successful long-term relationships?
-hmmmmm . . . define successful

Santana28

11-18-2007, 11:59 AM

Just an observation... its probably much easier being a decent-looking INTJ female in the "dating" world vs. being an INTJ male. Its never been difficult for me to find like-minded or at least interesting males... although i think i've only ever come across one other female who could even stand on one foot against me... grrr....

sorry guys, you're out of luck. LOL... i guess you'll have to lower your standards, get a lifetime supply of earplugs, or never date again :)

Henry

11-18-2007, 02:00 PM

sorry guys, you're out of luck. LOL... i guess you'll have to lower your standards, get a lifetime supply of earplugs, or never date again :)

How erudite and broad-minded this statement is. Romantic or sexual attraction, other than virtual universals like hourglass figures and cocky wealth, can be highly individualized. You may be a walking stereotype, but that doesn't mean that everyone else is.

I prefer a woman who is very different from myself; feminity, extroversion, feelings, experience, spontaniety, fun and sensuality. Lowering my standards would be dating a cold, rigid, boring, thought oriented female.

Lucid

11-18-2007, 03:01 PM

Lowering my standards would be dating a cold, rigid, boring, thought oriented female.

You're preference for traditionally feminine partners is valid. However, I think you are generalizing unfairly when you say that thought oriented females are cold and rigid. I'm sure that some of them can be, but many of us are not.

Quite frankly, it seems like there's lots of people going around today stating that INTJ women are cold and uncaring. I would say that those people do not fully understand the INTJ female. :irked:

If you prick us, do we not bleed? ;D

Tarrick

11-18-2007, 03:23 PM

Quite frankly, it seems like there's lots of people going around today stating that INTJ women are cold and uncaring. I would say that those people do not fully understand the INTJ female. :irked:

If you prick us, do we not bleed? ;D

Dunno, never tried making you females bleed. >.>

Though I think your point is very valid. All INTJs feel, to a greater or lesser extent. Our primary function is Introverted Intuition, followed by Extroverted Thought; this is why we appear like robots, or people with cold and spiky carapaces. However we have a Introverted Feeling on the inside. So, yes, being thoughtful doesn't mean Cold Hearted Bastard/Bastardess through and through. It just means you need to earn their trust enough to get past the Curtain Wall of Doom...I mean, our thoughtful/logical exterior.

Lucid

11-18-2007, 03:26 PM

It just means you need to earn their trust enough to get past the Curtain Wall of Doom...I mean, our thoughtful/logical exterior.

lol!
exactly!
:thumbsup:

PortInStorm

12-04-2007, 05:30 PM

Have you ever changed your mind about someone once you've rejected them?

No, not if my mind is really made up, but when it comes to people, I try to keep my mind and options open longer than other decisions in life. My first (even second, third) impressions have been wrong, or unduly influenced by my own biases often enough that I sit on the fence for long times before finally rejecting. Then it's permanent.

How do you express affection for others?

Teasing, smiling, stopping and actually listening and asking how they are, remembering what's going on in their life, not expecting them to work like a well-oiled machine for me. Sad to say, I sometimes give them a hard time (only for those really close to me so they know I'm not truly nasty). If I don't feel anything for someone, it doesn't matter if their arguments are inconsistent, etc.

Have you ever rejected someone because you thought it probably wouldn't work out for one reason or another, even if you were interested in them?

Yep, and one time it hurt me incredibly - it still hurts. The worst part is never knowing if it really would have been as big an issue in the day-to-day as you assumed. Maybe that's our fear of failure? We err on the safe side of "deal-breakers" before the relationship has a chance to crash and burn?

Wildflower

12-04-2007, 06:46 PM

Warning: INFP answering here.

I consider this a different topic than "INTJs and Sexuality", since sexuality only constitutes a part of a relationship.

A few questions to start things off:

-Would you ever date anyone that you didn't particularly like?

No. I once dated someone I liked but knew I could not love and it ended up being a very distateful thing that was like killing something vital inside me.

-Who makes the first move?

I prefer for the guy to make the first move.

-How do you express your dislike for others?

If you mean when I dislike things going on in a relationship: I wait for my back bone to kick in and then I let people know what behaviors bug me and what needs to change for us to make things work. Usually in detailed list fashion.

If you mean if someone wanted to date me and I didn't want it, I would be distant as I could possibly be, even rude if I had to be.

-How do you express affection for others?

Tell them, do things for them, share things with them.

Have you ever been in any successful long-term relationships?

Been with my husband 19 years.

quentin

12-04-2007, 11:09 PM

I prefer for the guy to make the first move.

I never make the first move. I always wait until I get some signal of interest from a girl before I even think about approaching her. I'm handicapped by the INTJ thing of if a girl isn't practically throwing herself at me, I take that as disinterest. Therefore I usually end up with excessively extroverted girls that aren't the right match for me. The girls that I should be with, those that are closer to me in personality, I pass over.

Since us shy guys aren't willing to make the first move and shy girls are waiting for the guy to make the first move, we don't connect with each other. We hook up with extroverts who are the opposite of us. It's a real Catch-22.

Hdier

12-05-2007, 09:25 AM

Until I'm trying to find a boyfriend that is :undecided:
Can't find one? I save myself some pain and time don't even try to find one.

Rei

12-05-2007, 09:39 AM

Wildflower

12-05-2007, 01:52 PM

To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.-277

Have a read. I disagree with the article in some places, but I'll let someone else have a go at it first.

Also, Female INTJs, what's your opinion?

This INFP says the article is wrong about all women not being attracted to men who make them think or about not being attracted to logic. I have been attracted to men because of their intelligence before. Also wrong about a guy making an effort to please a woman. Sure, some women have issues about a guy being too nice or too willing to please, but frankly I think these women are nuts anyway and you're better off filtering them out.

There is also nothing wrong with being an expert, as long as you know what you are talking about and can also walk the walk. If you know what you know and show it, it can be very attractive to the right kind of woman.

Hdier

12-05-2007, 02:43 PM

I don't try either...
Which is probably the main reason why I can't in the first place.
Considering so far it's been a combination of not meeting anyone interesting and rejecting a several of egomaniacs and dull-minded guys. I'm having too much fun going my own way than having to compromise and be dragged down.

My main problem is that I'm gay, and I don't have any friends, who are the only people who I would consider being a potential boyfriend. And I don't have any friends because...well...I'm me.

Paul V

12-05-2007, 03:27 PM

Can't find one? I save myself some pain and time don't even try to find one.

I don't try either...
Which is probably the main reason why I can't in the first place.
Considering so far it's been a combination of not meeting anyone interesting and rejecting a several of egomaniacs and dull-minded guys. I'm having too much fun going my own way than having to compromise and be dragged down.

I agree with both of you. I don't try to find a girlfriend either, since I think she'd have to have a certain personality to click with me, and I've never met anyone like that.

Rei

12-05-2007, 03:35 PM

My main problem is that I'm gay, and I don't have any friends, who are the only people who I would consider being a potential boyfriend. And I don't have any friends because...well...I'm me.

Augh that is tough... Hey, at least you know the female INTJ population *wave* isn't doing much better.
I think I remember another gay INTJ hanging around here somewhere :thinking:

I agree with both of you. I don't try to find a girlfriend either, since I think she'd have to have a certain personality to click with me, and I've never met anyone like that.
Well the problem is I think I'm more likely to 'click' with someone similar to myself. And someone similar to myself would likely be doing what I'm doing (aka being a complete hermit). So the chances of meeting them (unless actively looking) is slim.

Sometimes I wonder if extreme introverts are doomed "meant" to be counterparts of extroverts.
:rolleyes:

Paul V

12-05-2007, 04:05 PM

Augh that is tough... Hey, at least you know the female INTJ population *wave* isn't doing much better.
I think I remember another gay INTJ hanging around here somewhere :thinking:

Well the problem is I think I'm more likely to 'click' with someone similar to myself. And someone similar to myself would likely be doing what I'm doing (aka being a complete hermit). So the chances of meeting them (unless actively looking) is slim.

Sometimes I wonder if extreme introverts are doomed "meant" to be counterparts of extroverts.
:rolleyes:

My sympathies for Hdier, I know how you feel. INTJ males *waves* aren't doing much better either (save some exceptions).

And yeah, rei, I think that too. But I go even further. What if I find the perfect girl by chance, and she isn't even remotely interested in me? She might have given up on men, or be looking for something better.

And related to your last comment, if I ever resort to dating an extrovert, I give anyone with a gun permission to shoot me. I really, really, can't stand them. Besides, we wouldn't be happy together. Either she'll be trying to convince me to socialise more (and as I've said before, if someone tells me that one more time, I'll scream); or she'll leave me be, and go out on her own. And what kind of a relationship is that?

Hdier

12-05-2007, 04:34 PM

Rei

12-05-2007, 05:02 PM

My sympathies for Hdier, I know how you feel. INTJ males *waves* aren't doing much better either (save some exceptions).

And yeah, rei, I think that too. But I go even further. What if I find the perfect girl by chance, and she isn't even remotely interested in me? She might have given up on men, or be looking for something better.

And related to your last comment, if I ever resort to dating an extrovert, I give anyone with a gun permission to shoot me. I really, really, can't stand them. Besides, we wouldn't be happy together. Either she'll be trying to convince me to socialise more (and as I've said before, if someone tells me that one more time, I'll scream); or she'll leave me be, and go out on her own. And what kind of a relationship is that?

I'm open to going out once in a while. But no more than 3 times a month.
Actually, quite a few of my friends are extroverts. They're pretty low maintenance though. They generally leave me alone, and call me out when during holidays in small gatherings of 3 or 4, and sometimes to big reunion type gatherings. I'm not sure how that would differ if it was a relationship though.

Sometimes I think that the only person I'd end up dating would be an extrovert. They seem so...interseting. It's odd, and I don't understand it myself (though if he tried to force me to to do anything, he'd probably end up dumped.

Yeah I'd be pretty annoyed if anyone tried to make me go out when I'm SERIOUSLY not in the mood. I believe I have blown up at an acquaintance who tried to get me to go somewhere I really didn't want to go/wasn't comfortable going.

This really should be split and stuck into the INTJ and Relationships thread...

kimba

12-16-2007, 04:34 PM

-
-Have you ever been in any successful long-term relationships?
No. Partly due to my fear of commitment...which really is a fear of the loss of my "freedom". I really cannot explain it but through some soul searching, I realize that is it. Now to find out why I would think a committed relationship would result in me losing my freedom. It is not freedom to date others as I rarely date at all...it's something else I can't put my finger on or at least put into words.
If anyone has the same issue, please enlighten me! lol

"losing freedom" - I very much relate with that sentiment and like you it is not the freedom to date others because I don't date. It the freedom to be alone, the freedom to be my own person. I am afraid I will be swallowed up by something that I don't have control over. But that is the lie. I do have control and if I allow myself to have the affectionate relationship I long for - I will not lose myself - and have the freedom to stop at any time. I've been told if you make a bad decision - just make another decision.

Booko

12-16-2007, 04:58 PM

I consider this a different topic than "INTJs and Sexuality", since sexuality only constitutes a part of a relationship.

A few questions to start things off:

-Would you ever date anyone that you didn't particularly like?

No. It would be a waste of my time.

-Who makes the first move?

Whoever gets to it first. HIstorically for me it's been about 50/50.

-How do you express your dislike for others?

I try not to. Mostly I limit interactions with the few people I truly dislike, hopefully in a way that isn't noticable.

I'm very careful up front and don't tend to let people in if I have any idea we might clash.

-How do you express affection for others?

I joke I was an Italian mother in a past life. I feed them. :D

Generally I do things for people. I don't use words much, and I'm not remotely sentimental or mushy.

-Have you ever been in any successful long-term relationships?

I've been married 23 years. But he's INTP and isn't sentimental or "romantic" either.

Booko added to this post, 8 minutes and 57 seconds later...

I recently had a relationship-turned-friendship-turned-bad-ending with an INTJ woman which featured some very strange dynamics I'm still trying to understand and learn from (as I do like INTJs, and am attracted to some of them)
1) She would express a concern about an area (diet, relationship, job) of her life
2) I would sympathize, and offer to help
3) I would suggest Solution Y to problem X
4) She would agree to try Solution Y
5) She would try Solution Y, and tell me she liked the initial results
6) a week or two later she would furiously tell me she was abandoning Solution Y, and that she liked HER way better (even though it left her with the problem she was complaining about)
7) I would walk away hurt and confused, and puzzled as to how I could make this friendship work (I don't like having to censor myself or walk on eggshells around someone I love)

Or possibly, you didn't understand that when a woman expresses a concern, she is not actually looking for advice. She is looking to be heard and understood.

Genders don't communicate the same way, and that seems to be the case no matter the person's MBPI. I'm as "feminine" in my language use as any female non-INTJ would be.

Two essential guides to a healthy (heterosexual) relationship:

"You Just Don't Understand Me." by Dr. Deborah Tanner
"Love Is Never Enough" by...sorry I foget but I'm sure it's on Amazon.

Read them together and have a good laugh over how silly everyone's been. :laugh:

Booko added to this post, 7 minutes and 35 seconds later...

-Have you ever been in any successful long-term relationships?
No. Partly due to my fear of commitment...which really is a fear of the loss of my "freedom". I really cannot explain it but through some soul searching, I realize that is it. Now to find out why I would think a committed relationship would result in me losing my freedom. It is not freedom to date others as I rarely date at all...it's something else I can't put my finger on or at least put into words.
If anyone has the same issue, please enlighten me! lol

You will lose some freedom (the freedom to do whatever whenever without having to consult anyone else), but in return you'll get the opportunity to learn more about who you are than you would have otherwise.

As was pointed out earlier, the freedom to be alone is overrated.

I've been married for 23 years, known my husband for 27, and consider the tradeoff to be very much worth it.

Just make sure you don't marry someone who's easily intimidated. We INTJs can be a tough lot.

kimba

12-16-2007, 06:53 PM

I've been married for 23 years, known my husband for 27, and consider the tradeoff to be very much worth it.

Yes! That is what I'm looking for. A relationship that is very much worth it. How did you meet your spouse?

Any INTJ in a wonderful relationship - how did you meet your spouse and what is their type?

DeepPurple

12-16-2007, 10:38 PM

Would you ever date anyone that you didn't particularly like?

No. I find myself really annoyed by people who string some poor guy/girl along and know that they're not into them.

Who makes the first move?
Not me. The only people that have ever shown direct romantic interest in me were other women, so yeah....

How do you express your dislike for others?

Ignoring/Avoiding 80% of the time. There are those rare times when I tell someone I don't like them. (assertive and uncaring like) Or I tell them that I am not into them kindly/respectfully because they've misjudged my sexual preferences. Which happens quite often.

How do you express affection for others?

Saying yes to them when I would've said no to anyone else. Sharing some of my interests and ideas with them. Paying attention to them and actually keeping in contact with them.

Have you ever been in any successful long-term relationships?

No. I am 18 though and based on some posts made in other topics, it's quite common for us to get a late start.

Most of my answers apply to all of my relationships, not just romantic ones.

Richard0612

01-19-2008, 03:29 PM

Would you ever date anyone that you didn't particularly like?
No, that seems rather pointless. I'm unlikely to date anyone I do like!

Who makes the first move?
Seeing as I'm not really at home with talking about love, it'd have to be the other person. Even then I would have to think carefully, analyse how they said, why they said it, etc.

How do you express your dislike for others?
I'm normally fairly blunt, but I can be more subtle [avoiding eye contact, impatience, dismissing offers of social engagements involving them] when I want to be. It really depends on the person, if they've insulted me or consistently go out of their way to annoy me they will most likely get disintegrated!

How do you express affection for others?
With great difficulty! No, seriously, I'm fine with family but any close social/semi-intimate contact really drains my mental batteries.

Have you ever been in any successful long-term relationships?
No [foregone conclusion, seeing as I'm only a teenager], and I'm not likely to have one. Taking over the world and restoring sanity is a lonely job, but it must be done for the good of humanity ;D.

After writing that I 'feel' like an unemotional robot only obeying the rules of logic and analysis... oh well! :p

Wapiti

01-19-2008, 08:12 PM

Yes! That is what I'm looking for. A relationship that is very much worth it. How did you meet your spouse?

Any INTJ in a wonderful relationship - how did you meet your spouse and what is their type?

I saw your post and began to reply and then deleted it and thought I'd give it another shot so here it is. You seem to be sincere in your quest to find a meanigful, long term relationship and that is why I want to reply, I as an intj would say that my relationship with my wife has been extremely worth it. Is it what I had in mind - not really. But I hate to think what my life would be like if I did not have the wife I have today. We have been married for 13 years. She is an I?F? - (I should know that by now and did at one time but I checked out for a few years and she has luckily stuck around, thats another story but...) We strangley enough met at church, she was a youth worker, I was a "youth". That is another story as well, but I think even though we are 2 extremely different people, we get along very well with each other. We seem to understand somehow that we need each other, we have our flaws and our flaws seem to fit well with each other. I'm sure we've both had our thoughts of deserting but it has been an underlying sentiment with each other that we belong to each other, no matter what, even now with cancer involved - I am getting more emotional than I like so i'll move on.

"losing freedom" - I very much relate with that sentiment and like you it is not the freedom to date others because I don't date. It the freedom to be alone, the freedom to be my own person. I am afraid I will be swallowed up by something that I don't have control over. But that is the lie. I do have control and if I allow myself to have the affectionate relationship I long for - I will not lose myself - and have the freedom to stop at any time. I've been told if you make a bad decision - just make another decision.

My non-intj wife has given me the freedom for me to be alone and to be myself - not always and I have not always felt free to be myself but it has been a trade off. I won't try to make it sound as something it is not, sometimes it has been pure hell, I'm sure on both parts. A few years ago, my wife and I were talking once and asked each other if we had to do it over again, would we get married again - not necessarily to each other but a question as far as knowing what we knew now about marriage, would we do it again with each other or someone else or at all - it was one of those truly honest points in time that hopefully i won't regret posting about here, I only do to hopefully help you out. We were both undecided. I today, would say that I don't regret it one bit. i would do it all over again and knowing what i know today, I would do my best to make it better than ever, and lately I have been. I have been doing my best to over do everything i can. This past Christmas I did my best ever to go above and beyond and I don't regret a bit of it.

My advice would be: Know your minimum requirments and don't settle for anything less. Be yourself. Do your best - only you know what that is, and settle for nothing less _ I don't think you will be dissapointed.

Hopefully I won't regret reading this post tomorrow.

AgentofGaming

01-19-2008, 08:50 PM

Would you ever date anyone that you didn't particularly like?
Not unless they could logically debate into thinking I should.
Who makes the first move?
Doing that would be harder than me riding Drop Zone at Paramount Canada's Wonderland. To get my to ride drop zone you'd have to drag me and fight me at the same time. (fear of high speed amusement park rides)
How do you express your dislike for others?
Sarcasm, and then criticism if sarcasm doesn't work. Beyond that avoid.
How do you express affection for others?
Subtly, in a way they won't see me doing it. I don't want to hear "oh, you did all the chores how nice".
Have you ever been in any successful long-term relationships?
In engineering women are a minority. Beyond that I can barely talk to women for anything non-work related without me getting nervous. These days I can barely make friends, so naturally no.
There was something similar in Gr.1 but that was not long-term; more juvenile than anything :rolleyes:

lowbrass

01-19-2008, 11:36 PM

Ok, I have nothing better to do as I am sitting at home, alone, dealing with what appears to be a sinus infection. Which pisses me off, because if it weren't for that, I'd probably be out having some fun & taking pictures. More importantly, it cheats me out of a prime opportunity to try to evolve the nubs which are my social skills. So.... I went and gathered all of OBM's questions so I could answer them all, at once. Here they are if anyone wants to cut and paste:

Would you ever date anyone that you didn't particularly like?
Who makes the first move?
How do you express your dislike for others?
How do you express affection for others?
Have you ever been in any successful long-term relationships?
Would you date someone you liked, but didn't love?
Would you date someone you liked, but wasn't attracted to?
Would you say that your criteria for a relationship is very much higher than your criteria for a friendship?
If there were things about someone you cared about and were attracted to that you couldn't stand, would you date them?
How physically affectionate are you with friends of the opposite sex that you aren't romantically interested in?
Have you ever changed your mind about someone once you've rejected them?
Have you ever rejected someone because you thought it probably wouldn't work out for one reason or another, even if you were interested in them?

1) Plain and simply, NO. That is, assuming I knew everything I needed to know, initially. I've had a few women purposely hide or trivialize issues they knew I hated.

2) I'd have to say that I make the move 3/4 of the time. I've had a few women express interest in me, and that's fine and dandy, but it's not reliable in my experience. However, it's not like my moves have yielded convincingly better results.

3) My dislike for others can be expressed in terms of being quiet, avoiding said person, actively being disinterested, or leaving. I mean, I've had some pretty bad experiences here, where others would tend to embrace someone that either I disliked, or worse yet, someone that rejected me. This phenomenon is unbearable, so the only action is to leave. If it's an EX that I don't get along with, I will be quite forthcoming with my displeasures; a healthy dose of Te.

4) I can express affection in many ways. At bare minimum, greetings, handshakes, a pat on the shoulder, to hugs and other related and convoluted gestures that I'm not good at. Like, giving "five", then all that hand pulling craziness that follows afterward. If it's someone with whom I am intimate, then greetings by way of at least a hug and kiss. I seemingly more private settings, then a little bit of groping, too.

5) Successful - yes, but not for the ill-fated outcome. It eliminated the goddamn gorilla off my back called virginity. Then I took every opportunity to explore everything sexually that I could only merely think about, which, as good as it ended up being, was a win-win for both parties. On one hand, I corrupted someone by being that good, and I got the proof that I needed, that I was actually capable of it. I also learned that maybe I should make an attempt to get any and all deal breakers to the forefront, and not be afraid to quit if I am not given sufficient answers. Oh, and to stay away from Aries / IxFP temperaments. :thumbsdown:

6) Yes. With respect to right now, definitely, because, for better or worse, I NEED to have more experience. To me, it seems every other person out there can go on dates, or, get the opportunity to date different people that seem to suit their needs, so why the hell can't I?

7) NO. Attraction, in whatever way I see fit, must manifest itself before I date a woman. See what I wrote earlier about expressing my dislikes.

8) Well, inherently, yes, because I'm not trying to be intimate with my friends. BUT, I cannot tolerate being friends with someone I want to be intimate with, who doesn't feel the same. The only exceptions to this rule are engaged or married women. Plus, after all the hassle that I go through to try to get to know someone, get a number, ask them out, etc, etc, I feel absolutely insulted to be thought of as 'just a friend'. I'm getting older and have needs and desires that 'friends' cannot support.

9) No. There are things I won't compromise on. Cigarette smoking is at the top of my list, followed by illicit drug use. Borderline but usually deal breaking are bleeding heart liberals or those that do too much acting without thinking.

10) At bare minimum a greeting and/or occasional hugs.

11) There were a couple, but this goes back to my teenage years. Suffice it to say, I could have slain that gorilla almost 10 years earlier if it weren't for the fact that I was afraid of what my parents might think if I got involved with these girls. I distinctly recall one, who was cute, but apparently had the reputation (founded or not, at the time, I wasn't sure) of being a slut, and when someone actually said that to me just after I was introduced, I could not even bear to look at her anymore.

12) I've never, ever had the luxury of being able to reject anyone that I was interested in. I've made maybe 3 or 4 rejections, and it was based on my level of attraction, which was low and thus I had no interest. There was a very close call when, at a bowling alley some time ago, some 16-17 year old girls took too much of a liking to me and my mid-20-something friends. Yes, they were cute, and among the three of us, we actually pondered that if our ages were closer, we'd each have one... However this doesn't count, because we exited before they could attempt to act any more crazy.

tenspot

05-15-2008, 12:47 PM

Would you ever date anyone that you didn't particularly like?
I was married to some I didnt like for 7 years.

Who makes the first move?
I have said something first but my motivation was usually to unnerve the guy for staring and not saying something first.

How do you express your dislike for others?
It is usually pretty obvious if I dont care for someone. If it is someone I have to work with, I will take it down a notch or two, but I avoid useless conversation.

How do you express affection for others?
I am pretty affectionate with those closest to me. I am gennerally not a touchy-feely person though.

Have you ever been in any successful long-term relationships?
What is the definition of successful relationship? Are we talking in terms of longevity or fulfillment?

Rei

05-15-2008, 05:13 PM

Because there are some I don't believe I have answered...

7. Would you date someone you liked, but wasn't attracted to?
- Probably not, but it depends on the circumstances and how much I "liked" the person... not to mention how much the person "liked" me.

8. Would you say that your criteria for a relationship is very much higher than your criteria for a friendship?
- Not very my... of course my criteria for friendship is really high.

9. If there were things about someone you cared about and were attracted to that you couldn't stand, would you date them?
- I might try it out. But if there's no way to either get used to it, or make him stop being that way it'd have to end.

10. How physically affectionate are you with friends of the opposite sex that you aren't romantically interested in?
- As much as men are physically affectionate to their male friends.

11. Have you ever changed your mind about someone once you've rejected them?
- No

12. Have you ever rejected someone because you thought it probably wouldn't work out for one reason or another, even if you were interested in them?
- Yes

changos

05-16-2008, 11:37 AM

-Would you ever date anyone that you didn't particularly like?
No, but at this time I'm considering dating someone opposite to see what happens.

-Who makes the first move?
Me. I can move pretty aggressive when I feel the click. At times girls make the direct move as I'm pretty stupid identifying flirt.

-How do you express your dislike for others?
Ignore them, I almost don't talk. I see the clock very often and just leave, I don't ask or give mail, phone numbers or anything... I leave.

-How do you express affection for others?
I study the person, I try to know her so I can be effective giving support, help, entertainment and so (while being myself).

-Have you ever been in any successful long-term relationships?
Without counting the years of friendship, but only counting the time together as a couple with marriage plans, no. One year. I keep contact with some after the break up.

How do you express affection for others?
Details, staying in contact, getting involved with their activities and them in mine. Also I say it clearly and direct "I like you, I love you"

Would you date someone you liked, but didn't love?
Yes, I have but I try to avoid it now as both can end up dating with no future at all except from talking or the sexual attraction.

Would you date someone you liked, but wasn't attracted to?
I tried but won't do it again. I mean the mental and physical attraction.

Would you say that your criteria for a relationship is very much higher than your criteria for a friendship?
Yes. Friends won't live with you, so you have to be more vigilant with more aspects.

If there were things about someone you cared about and were attracted to that you couldn't stand, would you date them?
No, I now know things don't change.

How physically affectionate are you with friends of the opposite sex that you aren't romantically interested in?
Kinda cold. I have little physical affections except with old friendships, they get diff kinds of expressions.

Have you ever changed your mind about someone once you've rejected them?
No.

Have you ever rejected someone because you thought it probably wouldn't work out for one reason or another, even if you were interested in them?
Yes. Religion and family problems are something to take in count.

Lrigyttiw

05-17-2008, 11:08 AM

Would you ever date anyone that you didn't particularly like?
Not initially. I'm sort of seeing someone I don't like... I used to like him. His unreliability is making me become indifferent to him.

-Who makes the first move?
Hopefully, he will. I used to be really aggressive, but the older I get, the more reticent I get. If he doesn't make the first move, and I give him yellow lights all the way, then I guess "he's just not that into me".

-How do you express your dislike for others?
Cold silence, silence, silence. Indifference. Very effective.

-How do you express affection for others?
If I really like them, I've very touchy feely. He often says he loves the way I make him feel, by being very attentive and focused on him. He just doesn't know that he's only scratched the surface. I know I'm much deeper than that, but he's not proving "worthy" of those deeper layers. I'm capable of much more.

-Have you ever been in any successful long-term relationships?
One that lasted 2.5 years (the last one I had, Mr. 10 years ago). I think he may have been an INFP. He was kind of selfish, but really intelligent. It was intense, and stimulating. I hope to have that again someday.

-How physically affectionate are you with friends of the opposite sex that you aren't romantically interested in?
If they're cute, there's a basal physical attraction, and I may touch a knee or an arm. I have been known to be flirty from time to time... not very often though.

-Have you ever changed your mind about someone once you've rejected them?
Yes. In fact, I'm still dealing with him (from time to time; same guy in first question). He stands me up every so often, and I reject him and not talk to him for a couple of months. All that does is keep him in the "friend" zone, and in the dark about being in the "friend" zone... I know it's bad, but it's his payback for his bad behavior... I know I know, two wrongs don't make a right... and I really want to like him, but he's pissing me off.

-Have you ever rejected someone because you thought it probably wouldn't work out for one reason or another, even if you were interested in them?
Yes, and I regretted it, because he then went into a really long relationship with the next girl... it could have been me. I missed out on that one. We still talk though.

As Charlotte from SATC says, "I'm exhausted. I've been dating since I was 18 and I'm exhausted. Where is he?"

volk

05-17-2008, 11:29 AM

Would you ever date anyone that you didn't particularly like?
Why bother, I hate wasting my precious time on people who don't deserve it.

Who makes the first move?
Well most of the times I take the first move it doesn't work quite well, but I'm learning all the time. It definitely makes things a lot easier if the woman makes first move.

How do you express your dislike for others?
Ignore them is the best I think.

How do you express affection for others?
Care. I make sure they feel secure with me and can trust me.

Have you ever been in any successful long-term relationships?
Yes.

How do you express affection for others?
Well, I guess I don't ignore them :P

Would you date someone you liked, but didn't love?
Sure, I appreciate if someone I like wants to spend time with me

Would you date someone you liked, but wasn't attracted to?
Hmm I guess it might be an option.

Would you say that your criteria for a relationship is very much higher than your criteria for a friendship?
They blend together I think. I really good friendship is a potential relationship material.

If there were things about someone you cared about and were attracted to that you couldn't stand, would you date them?
No.

How physically affectionate are you with friends of the opposite sex that you aren't romantically interested in?
Hugs are pretty common.

Have you ever changed your mind about someone once you've rejected them?
No. A decision is a decision and if it felt right at the time it was the right decision to make.

Have you ever rejected someone because you thought it probably wouldn't work out for one reason or another, even if you were interested in them?
Yes. Once again, why waste your time.

sriv

05-17-2008, 01:00 PM

Would you ever date anyone that you didn't particularly like?
No, it is not worth my effort.

Who makes the first move?
I suck at taking the initiative, but if there was enough reason, I would.

How do you express your dislike for others?
I tell them I don't like them very much and slowly fade out of their life.

How do you express affection for others?
Spend time with them, share thoughts/interests/secrets with them, and be friendly with them.

Have you ever been in any successful long-term relationships?
All the long-term relationships I have had work, but I'm not old enough to give an experienced perspective to this question.

Would you date someone you liked, but didn't love?
Yes, I suppose everyone deserves a chance. The experience would be helpful later on.

Would you date someone you liked, but wasn't attracted to?
I am not willing to put that much effort into. I need to be attracted to like someone. My personal definition of attraction does not include physical attraction.

Would you say that your criteria for a relationship is very much higher than your criteria for a friendship?
No.

If there were things about someone you cared about and were attracted to that you couldn't stand, would you date them?
Probably not, but it depends.

How physically affectionate are you with friends of the opposite sex that you aren't romantically interested in?
Not at all.

Have you ever changed your mind about someone once you've rejected them?
No.

Headstrong

05-17-2008, 01:57 PM

Disclaimer: I'm currently a sophmore in college and have not dated/had a relationship since the first semester of high school senior year. I was young and dumb back then. Moving on...

Would you ever date anyone that you didn't particularly like?
I settled a lot in high school. Most of the boys liked me first, which I in turn liked them back because it was convenient. Only in one very short lived relationship did I like the guy just as much initially, if not more so.

Who makes the first move?
Initiating the date/relationship? Generally they did. About a week ago I did send a message to this guy I did not know expressing possible interest. We are in the process of getting to know each other...we'll see how it goes. EsFJ. *slaps forehead* Physically speaking, I have not gone far because that is my personal choice. I have initiated hand holding, hugs, etc., but then again so did they. It really depends on the person and situation.

How do you express your dislike for others?
If it is going to cause conflict, I just keep my mouth shut and try to be nice. If they are not around, I generally keep my mouth shut as well, although sometimes things slip out. The best incident was when I said something about my friend's excessive PDA with his GF while she was out of state for the week. (I would have said the same thing about any other couple.) What I said got back to her...my social life turned into a living hell. She was a very manipulative girl who put on one heck of a good show for being a good friend. That relationship terminated a few months later and everyone hated her. ^_^

How do you express affection for others?
I give them my time, listen to their ideas, create home-made gifts for b-days, give in a bit to their wishes to go places/do things. I tend to play smack my friends and family (I guess that is affection?). Not big on the mushy physical stuff.

Have you ever been in any successful long-term relationships?
Nope, none at all. My longest was seven weeks my freshman year of high school. Hah.

Would you date someone you liked, but didn't love?
Why not? Love takes time.

Would you date someone you liked, but wasn't attracted to?
I have done that all too many times. It doesn't work.

Would you say that your criteria for a relationship is very much higher than your criteria for a friendship?
I suppose so. Friends are friends...no reason to get rid of them if they are tolerable.

If there were things about someone you cared about and were attracted to that you
couldn't stand, would you date them?
The guy I talk to now has some issues with grammar when we write and I am a grammar nazi. It doesn't bother me much for some reason, though. So I don't know. If it were something bigger than that and I could not get over it, then yeah, I would have to end it.

How physically affectionate are you with friends of the opposite sex that you aren't romantically interested in?
I slap, kick, punch, etc. my guy friends a bit...not as much as much anymore. I guess that is affection. That is what I do with my parents. My dad could care less, and my mother hates it...which makes me do it more. ^_^

Have you ever changed your mind about someone once you've rejected them?
Yeah, but I never went back begging. I just got over it.

Have you ever rejected someone because you thought it probably wouldn't work out for one reason or another, even if you were interested in them?
Yup, more so recently.

jadefalcon

05-17-2008, 03:08 PM

-Would you ever date anyone that you didn't particularly like?
- No, absoloutely not. If chemistry is not there, nothing can happen.

-Who makes the first move?
- Good point, who is willing to step out of their comfort zone first? I think it is unfair to put expectations for the first move on the guy when a relationship requires equal effort from both sides.

-How do you express your dislike for others?
- Typically by not dealing with them. If I MUST live with them, in the case of my family, I try my very best to tolerate them, even if they refuse to understand me.

-How do you express affection for others?
- Depends on the context of who I am talking to. If it were someone I loved, I would tell them my deepest thoughts and feelings about them. If it were affection (non-love type deal, but a strong friendship feeling) I would offer support and try my best not to be negative with them. Being a friend for them is how I show my loyalty and affection for friends.

-Have you ever been in any successful long-term relationships?
- I have not.

elsdfr

06-23-2008, 06:30 AM

I'm not sure how stupid this sounds but is it reasonable to stay in a relationship if one of the main reasons is that fact you don't want anyone else to be with them??

Malotis

06-23-2008, 10:47 AM

Would you ever date anyone that you didn't particularly like?
Yes. If I thought they were attractive and they professed enough interest I'm sure I'd give them a chance to see if they'd grow on me. It probably wouldn't last long.

Who makes the first move?
Them. Minus extenuating circumstances, I would only make the first move if I was 99% certain they'd say yes- which isn’t often.

How do you express your dislike for others?
This is a difficult question to answer. Of course there are exceptions, but generally if I really don't like someone I will never go out of my way to casually initiate conversation, help them out, or do them a favor in any way.

How do you express affection for others?
Another difficult question to answer. Typically I do not express affection for others, though I have bought flowers, chocolates, and other gifts while in relationships. Other than that, I find there's a connection in that the more words I feel compelled to say to someone the more I generally like them.

Have you ever been in any successful long-term relationships?
If 1 year 3 months isn't considered along term relationship then no.