can I change my personality

[getonwithit]

Greetings everyone, new here. Well, basically I know I am an INTJ and I have recently started a rigorous grad program and am stuck seeing the same faces day in and day out. I hate small talk and it probably shows but I do attempt to be approachable. I am an attractive female which probably doesn't help matters. But I do not obsess over clothes, makeup, ect. like some females. I keep my looks low key because as we all know we do not like to be the center of attention. But, I would like to appear more approachable to people. Also, anyone have suggestions for public speaking, this is my near future! :scared: Thanks.

[qwerty]

I think this may be alittle off from others suggestions but I've always learnt by diving in the deep end.

You want to be approachable? Then approach people you see around and say hi.
You want to do better at public speaking? Then volunteer for a school based seminar.

Practice where is doesn't matter.

[Firelie]

You know, something as simple as smiling at people can make you more approachable. I've learned over the years to just smile at anything anyone says that might remotely be intended as humorous (whether I actually find it funny or not), to smile when greeting/saying goodbye to anyone...and it does work, I've been described as "aloof but friendly" before...sometimes I take it a bit too far, though, cuz sometimes people end up thinking I like them when I actually hate them. lol

[Ijz]

First of all, just accept that your an INTJ and that you're not naturally cut out for that kind of stuff. It just means that you have to work on it. I agree with qwerty, practice makes master.

Some practical tips that helped me
- Put a (little) bit of effort in keeping up with smalltalk material. Just watch an occasional TV show or something like that.
- If you want to approach some-one, give in a little bit and be a bit more like them. People generally like it when others are like them. If you give in to someone they often return the favor. After you have approached someone, just be yourself. This will be harder/easier dependent on how much someone differs from yourself.

Edit: Typo

[thegnat]

First of all, accept who you are and your personality. This will give you more assurance in yourself and confident in your appearance. People like that.

Do a little say hi, how are you? routine. people like it no matter how sincere you really are. participate in just a little of the small talk. Then you can revert back to listening. Show that you are a good listener. people will approach you because of that. I get people talking to me because they know that I'm a good listener and that I won't gossip.

public speaking - practice!!

[GOD]

Greetings everyone, new here. Well, basically I know I am an INTJ and I have recently started a rigorous grad program and am stuck seeing the same faces day in and day out. I hate small talk and it probably shows but I do attempt to be approachable. I am an attractive female which probably doesn't help matters. But I do not obsess over clothes, makeup, ect. like some females. I keep my looks low key because as we all know we do not like to be the center of attention. But, I would like to appear more approachable to people. Also, anyone have suggestions for public speaking, this is my near future! :scared: Thanks.

You need to keep pushing your self imposed boundries...

Try getting some clothes that are what you'd wear if you were felling really outgoing... At the start you'll feel out of your zone... then you'll get used to them and then you need to push out the comfort zone a bit more and so forth...

To change your personailty properly (so you subconciously become it) takes around 5 to 10 years IMHO.

*

[GOD]

*actually I'm thinking about multiple personalities*

*Bipolar conditions*

Oh yes I am... No your not.. yes I am.. who said that...

;D

[Ijz]

*actually I'm thinking about multiple personalities*

*Bipolar conditions*

Oh yes I am... No your not.. yes I am.. who said that...

;D
Didn't I just see you on that other thread?

I'm sure it was you, then again perhaps it was another you?? [smiley=curtain.gif]

[GOD]

*actually I'm thinking about multiple personalities*

*Bipolar conditions*

Oh yes I am... No your not.. yes I am.. who said that...

;D
Didn't I just see you on that other thread?

I'm sure it was you, then again perhaps it was another you?? *[smiley=curtain.gif]

Nup... that was just a jump in the Matrix we live in.

Anyone seen those matrix remakes of that guy with the lightsaber on Youtube?? Bl**dy funny...

[Ijz]

*actually I'm thinking about multiple personalities*

*Bipolar conditions*

Oh yes I am... No your not.. yes I am.. who said that...

;D
Didn't I just see you on that other thread?

I'm sure it was you, then again perhaps it was another you?? [smiley=curtain.gif]

Nup... that was just a jump in the Matrix we live in.

Anyone seen those matrix remakes of that guy with the lightsaber on Youtube?? Bl**dy funny...

You mean the starwars kid? I didn't know there was a matrix remake of that. Do you have the link?

[GOD]

*actually I'm thinking about multiple personalities*

*Bipolar conditions*

Oh yes I am... No your not.. yes I am.. who said that...

;D
Didn't I just see you on that other thread?

I'm sure it was you, then again perhaps it was another you?? *[smiley=curtain.gif]

Nup... *that was just a jump in the Matrix we live in.

Anyone seen those matrix remakes of that guy with the lightsaber on Youtube?? *Bl**dy funny...

You mean the starwars kid? I didn't know there was a matrix remake of that. Do you have the link?

I thought there was a longer version than this... but here's one... ;D

To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.

[logan235711]

"can I change my personality?"

you sure can! i have : )

[INTroJect]

Warning, the following is an opinion: You cant change the fundamental structure of the way your brain is wired, and you shouldn't want to because you are very unique the way you are and capable of doing great things the way you are. You might be *thinking* that you want to change it because of this weaknesses. Every superhero has a weakness, just learn how to work with it and I promise you will be happy with the way you are and live a very fulfilling life. Just learn to develop your world around you and not you around your world.


Since we are the master readers I will leave you with some books to read to help get started.

Here is my potential solution (it worked for me), we are INTJs and we learn from taking in information and applying it to ourselves. From my own personal readings I found the following books to be helpful, Im going from title/author memory so I may be off:

-The art of seduction, Thomas Greene
-48 Laws of Power, Thomas Greene
-***How to win friends and influence people, Dale Carnegie (1930's classic!)
-Its tough being green, Kermit the Frog
-***Meditations, Marcus Aurelius
-The art of Negotiation, Donald Trump
-For you there is a book with some title like: 'How to be a boss without being a bitch' (Dont ask how I know of this book. It gives tactful advice on how to handle interpersonal situations, very stressful for INTJs)
(***read first)


These wont be a cure-all but they will give you a tool to handle whatever might come up. The paradox here is that once you know how to treat the people around you well suddenly everyone wants to talk all the time which begins a whole different battle.

[Wolfie]

First of all, accept who you are and your personality. This will give you more assurance in yourself and confident in your appearance. People like that.

Do a little say hi, how are you? routine. people like it no matter how sincere you really are. participate in just a little of the small talk. Then you can revert back to listening. Show that you are a good listener. people will approach you because of that. I get people talking to me because they know that I'm a good listener and that I won't gossip.

public speaking - practice!!

Seriously, This is the best thing I've see all day. So true!
I accepted that I'm most likely going to be antisocial all my life, but now that I have I do the things I like to. In most of these things, I find people like me.
Just smile and say some quick things. Don't put on a huge show, but tell people that you aren't very good at the social world. The annoying stuck-up kids won't understand. They'll just push you away. You don't want to be hanging out with them anyways. Connect with the open people. Then from there you can get experience at speaking. You also learn a lot of weird slang. That is where I picked up all of my slang. Anyways, if you seem popular even if you're just one of the... trailers people will think you aren't a complete retard. Just don't trail too far behind. Then you look like an even bigger retard... I did that all of my seventh grade year... It was overkill to try to talk in front of people. Eventually I got better. Mostly because I would do performances in front of audiences with my violin. Try it. Or don't. Whichever works for you. In this matter, I don't care at all if my advice doesn't work. I fit in best with the INTJs but I must be your(all of you INTJs in general) counterpart. I am introverted and logical/judging whatevernot but I feel so different...
Back on subject...
If it doesn't work just smile!
Smile! Come on! Everybody's doing it! Just smile! It'll make you look cooler! You can stop whenever you want. Its really not addictive. Come on! Just smile!

[StoLat]

Greetings everyone, new here. Well, basically I know I am an INTJ and I have recently started a rigorous grad program and am stuck seeing the same faces day in and day out. I hate small talk and it probably shows but I do attempt to be approachable. I am an attractive female which probably doesn't help matters. But I do not obsess over clothes, makeup, ect. like some females. I keep my looks low key because as we all know we do not like to be the center of attention. But, I would like to appear more approachable to people. Also, anyone have suggestions for public speaking, this is my near future! :scared: Thanks.

hi, INTJ here
you know, i am right know at the very same situation as you are, living within a very claustrophobic campus in an isolated part from Poland, being afraid of one of these days turning out like the guy from "The Shine" and completely losing my mind XD i hate being depicted as "antisocial", although it is really hard for me to catch up on the small talk dynamics of the rest. i really try hard to talk to everyone and show genuine interest on what thay have to say (it is an almost impossible task, but i try). a hint that i can give to you is to try to remember everybody's names and to adress by a "hi marc" "hi john" "hi steve" (+ a smile and looking into people's eyes) every time you come across someone. this will help you avoid small talk and you won't be seen as an antisocial ogre. it has worked quite well for me so far :thumbsup:

[American Quest 1983]

Well to be honest with you, once you get out in the real world things will be worst. College was the best years of my life. I related with a lot of people. What you need to do is be yourself. INTJ's are cool and competent people. INTJ's are not as uncaring as others might perceive us to be. Once you warm up to like-minded people, you will fit in quite well with them. As for public speaking, the more you practice in front of a real audience, the better you will get. Take care.

[Deepdelver]

I don't know. I have been trying to change who I am for such a long time. It's futile. Why do I have to change my antisocial behavior? Why don't they change their social behavior? Majority rules? *What's wrong with acceptance for who you are? Whatever personality type?

[generalowk]

I think it's pretty hard to change your actual temperment, especially when you are older and your brain has stopped major development. But that being said, you can always improve on your weaknessess. If you want to be a more "complete" person, don't just practice what you are good at, practice what you are bad at. Of course, the more extreme your prefernces, that more challenging that will be.

When I'm at home, by myself, I'm at my most 'INTJ'. My strongest preferences are my J and I, though I am definitely an NT Rational. At school (I'm a teacher), I crank up my S and F. I tend to play an ISTJ or sometimes and INFJ.

[PaulFrancis]

I think this may be alittle off from others suggestions but I've always learnt by diving in the deep end.

You want to be approachable? Then approach people you see around and say hi.
You want to do better at public speaking? Then volunteer for a school based seminar.

Practice where is doesn't matter.

Yeah, what he said.

Practice, practice, practice, and then practice some more.

You don’t really need to change your personality type. I am not sure you could if you wanted to anyway. You definitely can improve on your weak areas though.

I used to be absolutely truly horrible at public speaking. Now, at my last job, for sales that involved very technical issues, the ESxP sales people would grab me and have me essentially do the client presentation. I actually got to be MUCH better at closing the technical deals than the ESxP sales people because that whining and dinning and back slapping stuff that ESxP sales people are good at turns out to be a whole lot less important than convincing the client that you are up to snuff and can actually pull off the deal on time and on budget.

I don’t see how being attractive can possibly hurt and it probably helps. Maybe the worst case you might run into is some idiot who thinks that all attractive females are dumb. For that, well….., you are an INTJ. Proceed to intellectually crucify and destroy the moron. It’s loads of fun. That’s what I would do, although, this is a bit out of my field since I am a guy.

As a female INTJ, well….., your personality type doesn’t actually really match the gender personality expectations of most of society (i.e., those aggravating Ss). You will just have to learn to deal with it. At least you weren’t born INFP male. I am sure the Ss rip on them way worse then they rip on female INTJs.

As far as getting people to approach you…., well…, you will have to learn to approach them. INTJs tend to intimidate the hell out of most of the Ss.

[xanodel]

Public speaking is really just practice, you'll get better at it. There's always Toastmasters, which you can join, and maybe you can also try joining a local dramatics or theater group. Both will help psyche you up for public speaking, or if you're more intellectually inclined, join a debate team or some other team or club that gives you opportunities to speak in front of an audience, that way you also learn how to tailor your speech and your emotives etc to specific audiences.

Another thing to try, practice in front of the mirror, that way you can spot quirks and gestures you make, and correct them too. I didn't notice I had a finger twitching problem during debates until I practice in front of a mirror. n_n

[elsdfr]

Nope!