Out of interest how many REAL friends do you have?

[SelfMadeBum]

Two ENFJ's and an ISFP... :)

And yes I want to kill them sometimes.

The people who I think of more as colleagues than friends although I don't work with them are usually INTJs or INTPs. I spend my time discussing interesting subjects with them but we have less personal relationships.

[JonD]

Girlfriend: INFJ
Friends: A lot of NTJ's, an ENFP, ISTP,

Most of my friends are also in engineering, and that discipline almost selectively filters out the non-NTJ's.

[PortInStorm]

I've got my husband and one best friend that I rely on. I'm thinking she's an ESTJ and she's incredible. I really don't know how else to describe. Her mom essentially "set us up" when her husband left her and her newborn baby and husky puppy and brand new mortgage, just disappeared on her for no apparent reason. This girl was the biggest trooper, handled it with wisdom, dignity, grace, and tons of hard, hard work. Her mom mentioned she could really "use a friend right now", so I made sort of a charity effort to talk to her, say hi. One of the best things that ever happened to me.

Because she's an SJ, she seemed at first fairly traditional, like we weren't on the same wavelength. She had a young daughter that was cute, but a little hard to work around. Not your traditional martini-bar, say-hi-to-my-barista type of girlfriend. I've since learned though that if someone truly loves you and sticks by you, if you respect them to high heaven and they feel the same, you can forget wavelengths and cosmos.

That girl has been there for me- wailing, storming up the stairs, wine bottles in her spare bedroom, phone calls at work and at all hours of the night, messages on her machine that are barely comprehensible from crying, moving in and out of her house, relaying messages to people barely known to her, remembering an making a big deal out of my birthday, leaving chocolate and munchies hanging on my door knob...

She's a true gift to me. Love you hon, if you ever read this....

[mnmeq]

esfp, infj

[Josephine1012]

My best female friend is INTx. I think she is a J, but it's hard to tell because she has ADD. She will do stuff like:

Her: Let's meet for lunch at Whole Foods in an hour.
Me: Cool, I'll see you there at 2.
(at 1:55)
Me: Shoot, I'm still in traffic
Her: Shoot, I forgot to leave....

She is a really quiet person around new people and crowds, but she has a tendency to get very excited around her friends. She has a great sense of humor, but it's really subtle and she often says it so matter of factly, that it takes a second to figure out she is joking (to people who don't know her well). She is decidedly NT, but she has a tendency to expect complete honesty from people, to the point where she assumes that everything a person says about their current outlook and morals is fully true. This little "quirk" causes her to often expose herself to really bad relationships.

Whenever she hears an interesting story or tid bit of information she will hyperfocus on it and explore it from every angle and possiblity. This her way of reconciling herself with new things. She becomes expert in anything of interest.

On the other hand, she forgets things rather easily. She likes having a plan, but somehow she forgets to make one, only to frustrate herself to the point of tears (i think that may be a direct result of ADD).

[Allie]

I can understand your friend already Josephine.

I suspect my 2 good friends to be: ISTJ and INTJ.

[Maedhi]

2 ENFPs, ENFJ, INTP, EXXXX.

The INTP tests as an I now, but she was definitely an E when I first got to know her. The common thread amongst them is that they became my friend by sitting next to me.

[Josephine1012]

I can understand your friend already Josephine.

I suspect my 2 good friends to be: ISTJ and INTJ.

Truly the easiest friendship I've ever had, and the only one I would go to great lengths to keep.

[fatkattykat]

I don't really have a best friend. I have someone I used to consider a "best" but we've been real distant lately. She, and another of my good friends are ENFx types. I get along great with EN's because we balance each other out, plus sometimes I need the E to help break me about of my shell. Plus, I think EN's are very interesting and engaging people. I have another good friend who is an ISTJ...we are kind of like kindred spirits since we are so similar. I either get along really well with ISTJs, or they can really grate my nerves.

My boyfriend (who I consider my best friend) is an INFJ, but his F is wayyy more developed. Sometimes I feel like the "bad guy" in the relationship because he will want to do something impulsive, and I will have to give him all the logic and why it's a bad decision.





fatkattykat added to this post, 6 minutes and 54 seconds later...

My best female friend is INTx. I think she is a J, but it's hard to tell because she has ADD. She will do stuff like:

Her: Let's meet for lunch at Whole Foods in an hour.
Me: Cool, I'll see you there at 2.
(at 1:55)
Me: Shoot, I'm still in traffic
Her: Shoot, I forgot to leave....

She is a really quiet person around new people and crowds, but she has a tendency to get very excited around her friends. She has a great sense of humor, but it's really subtle and she often says it so matter of factly, that it takes a second to figure out she is joking (to people who don't know her well). She is decidedly NT, but she has a tendency to expect complete honesty from people, to the point where she assumes that everything a person says about their current outlook and morals is fully true. This little "quirk" causes her to often expose herself to really bad relationships.

Whenever she hears an interesting story or tid bit of information she will hyperfocus on it and explore it from every angle and possiblity. This her way of reconciling herself with new things. She becomes expert in anything of interest.

On the other hand, she forgets things rather easily. She likes having a plan, but somehow she forgets to make one, only to frustrate herself to the point of tears (i think that may be a direct result of ADD).

That actually sounds very "P" like to me. Maybe I am misunderstanding the type, but I always saw P's as the kind of people who are very go-with-the-flow, time is a suggestion, not a mandate. Whereas J's are very bent on punctuality and hate to be late. Though like you said, she may prefer to be a J, but she has a cognitive condition like ADD that makes it hard. She definitely sounds lost in her thoughts :). I love Whole Foods, it's one of the few buffets I would ever eat at.

[Sulurith]

Of the people I would consider my closest friends, two are INFJs, one is an INFP, and one is another INTJ.

[coffeeholic]

My best friend in the whole world is probably a ENFP or ENTP. People sometimes mistake us as sisters. She is a incredibly loyal friend and has always been right there for me.

[Blues69]

My very best friend tested as an intj recently of which everything was borderline. He's generally nothing like me and said he didn't find any sort of connection with the INTJ description. I'm sure he's an INFx though.

As for my other best friends, they are ESTJ, ENFP and ESTP but I must say that I already hold my ESFP friend at the same level as my other two even though I've known him for only a year and known the other two for more than seven.

[leeo268]

My best friend is ISTP.
Even though as a sensor, he don't understand all the crazy idea that i come up with, but he will always listen to them to the end.

[Caillien]

My best female friend is an INFP, best male friend is an ENxx, and my boyfriend (who is a very good friend, so he counts) is an INTJ.

[songofcalamity]

ISFP (s), that being two bouncy female ISFPs, one infuriatingly bouncy male ENFP and another frustratingly lovable female ISTJ.

[cereza]

My best friend is an ESFP, I believe. I affectionately refer to her as 'the side of my brain that I refuse to use.' She and I are polar opposites with enough similarities to keep us together, but even the similarities are contradictory. We're thousands of miles away, so we speak several times a day (usually through txt/IM). She's an actor, very passionate and bright, but not logical in any sense of the word. She's a Christian who can't defend her faith, because her faith is based off feelings rather than logical conclusions (yeah, you can tell we've been there, can't you? I almost turned her into an atheist, but I quit the argument because I have no desire to change people, just prove them wrong sometimes), she's all about 'saving the world' (another annoyance of mine) and being great, and.. a lot of times I just blink and walk away. But I love her, most certainly.

My boyfriend is probably an ENFP. He's a damn fool, okay? He's the kind of talented, gorgeous person that has wonderful ideas that won't get realized due to lack of know-how or general scatterbrained-ness. He is very lively and vocal, very clingy and affectionate. When I first met him, I thought he was gay because he was so open about his desires, feelings and needs.. slightly effeminate, but nonetheless attractive. He's pretty simpleminded, and isn't as brilliant as my best friend. In fact, he's not very smart at all. He had brain surgery in middle school and had to re-learn a lot of things but he persevered and worked his way into college. Often times he says things that sound good yet make no sense (one of those people) and I have to bite my tongue. He's overwhelmingly creative, though, and is a tactile learner. He's a singer, painter, actor, dancer.. anything that involves natural, kinesthetic talent.

I have a large stable of close friends, but I can't really type them as I haven't bothered too much trying.

[Kris]

My best friend is, at guess, an ENTP. We work together.

Makes for some very long and heated debates/arguments, but generally we work pretty well together.

[aspen]

My best friends are ENFP, INFJ, INTJ and ENFJ.

It's funny when I'm hanging out with the INxJ's because we don't generally need to have conversations, we're already on the same page. The ENFP generally thinks I'm crazy, and I have know idea what the ENFJ thinks.(She is a girl though.)

[Quite8the8bell]

I truly don't have a best friend, rather acquaintances. I'm forming a friendship with an ENTP and it's working out very well, thus far. I don't consider him a friend, but I know a guy who is an XSTJ and he makes me crazy; we talk but not much.

[Fanowene]

I find it rather odd that a quick MBTI is all people seem to have to supply in order to explain "everything" about their best friend(s). Weird. Over the past couple of months I've found out that there is so much more to people than 4 letters (and not even a combination of letters of the entire alphabet, no! There only are 16 possible combinations!).


Anyway... My best friend is an ENFP. I met her two years ago and we lived in the same dorm until very recently (now we live in the same house with some other friends). I actually sought her out.

When she met me, I was super shy and very afraid of people. I had just moved from Switzerland to the United States. I don't know why, but I knew I liked her, so when I was looking for somebody to play the German version of "Settlers of Catan" with me and my little sister, she was the first person I thought about. I didn't even know where she lived when I went looking for her (I just knew which wing she lived on), and so I knocked on her door (turns out her room was right below mine)... She was more than happy to play, and got two other people of her wing to play with us. I don't really know how it went on from there. We just kept on getting closer, and I felt like I could trust her with almost anything. But I don't recall spending a ton of time with her. I don't recall spending time with anybody in particular that year. I just hung out with whoever was in the dorm (we all were very close)...

The following year (this past academic year) I finally lived in her wing too (that's where I had wanted to live all along) and we lived across the hall from each other. I finally had a good roommate as well. We all were friends. It's not something that would seem epically amazing to anybody, but it's good for what it was and still is. Life's just life, and not some constant Hollywood adventure... We had fun, we hung out, we got to know each other.

During the second semester my best friend stayed over at my parents house (they followed me to the United States a year after I moved) and she said that really helped her get to know me. I personally didn't notice much of it. But it probably was the first time she saw me cry. I had just found out that a super serious crush of mine )of which I was 90% sure would develop into a relationship; things were slowly coming together) had just gotten himself a girlfriend. I found out through Facebook. She had been telling me that we were in need of a "Blitzkrieg", but I thought I had so much more time... How was I to know that I should have taken more initiative because there was some other girl living in his dorm? To calm me down, my best friend made sure I didn't load myself with too much guilt... How can you compete with a girl that's around a guy a lot when you yourself are super happy to see him once a day, or even sometime during the week (while being my INTJ self)? My best friend really is good at emotional support, and it was really good she was with me when I found out.

So now, for the past 2 months, we've been living under the same roof (not that we didn't before, but the house now is much smaller... 6-7 people). She was super happy when she found out I would want to live off campus with her. She says she doesn't want drama in the house, and she doesn't want too much girly silliness because she things she herself isn't a very feminine person (give her a chance of getting dirty and she will without trying to). I still don't quite understand why she likes me. Though then again I don't really understand why anybody would like me (I don't feel special enough, which is an issue I've started to crack down on).

For the past two weeks her sister has been staying with us as well, which has brought a bit of a "little-sister-syndrome" out of my best friend. A lot of her behavior seems very childish and irresponsible to me. I've know her to be somewhat irresponsible when it comes to things that are "hard" or do not interest her for some reason or another (especially if there aren't enough people involved). But as long as that doesn't mess up my life I can be totally fine with it. And her life seems to be going ok so far and she can pull herself together and be reliable when needed, so that's a good sign.

When it comes to dealing with people, she is pretty much unbeatable. She has taught me so much about socializing and has helped me come out of my (concrete) shell(s) (surrounded by barbed wire and land mines). I was really afraid of people, and she's been helping me get over that. She can explain social stuff in a way that is simple enough for me to grasp. She has unending patience with me when it comes to that (though she does give me a lot of crap for it too). She pulls me out by showing me her world, and pushes me from behind by making fun of my (past) ways.

In a way, however, I feel like I slowly will have sucked every piece of social knowledge out of her that I can use. I think I'm about to graduate from her school of social knowledge. She is planning on leaving the country in a year, so that might be very good timing, since I will be moving on then too. I have no doubt that we will stay in contact. But her "usefulness" to me is slowly fading away. Though then again I love her company. But she isn't interested in the same things I am interested in (except Myers-Briggs to a certain degree), so it seems unfair of me to demand her undivided attention at times. However, I do see how her horizon is limited to a certain extent. To me it seems like she grew up in a simple (but very nice and generous) family with a somewhat small way of thinking. It would be awesome if I could repay my best friend by expanding that horizon a little. She has said that she enjoys our talks (though I haven't been able to figure out why). But I do feel like she is still trying to figure out her place in the world. She wants to be good friends with her sister, and I think she is afraid of losing that friendship should she dare quit the little sister role and really stand on her own feet, with her own opinions (which might be more conservative than her sister would like to hear). I will talk to her about this when her sister has left... My best friend can become a little insecure and defensive when confronted with a legitimate questioning of her behavior/motives/thinking/feeling.

I dunno... I could go on and on about who she is and what she does, but how could I ever summarize a person in one post (especially considering that my interpretation of her personality is tied to myself too)? Also, I have just recently opened up to discovering people's personalities, so I still suck at figuring out what makes people special/unique. Beyond that, I'm still incredibly bad at expressing my findings, since those impressions really are more feeling-based and rooted in intuition...

[snailsrbest]

I am enfp, but my brother and boyfriend are INTJs, my close friends are enfp, intp, estp and all sorts really, maybe coz im enfp i have all sorts of friends of different personalities, however the ones i really connect with are Ni's.

[syndatha]

I have 4 INF-friends, and my husband is ENFP. I don't relate well to S-people; the conversation never seems to flow well (no offence) :)
I have a history with rebelling against SJs at work ;)

I love your post, Fanowene - you describe your friend with so much love, respect and acceptance of your differences. Your words created a movie in my mind. You're right - four simple letters can't do our friends any real justice :lovestruck:

[Fanowene]

I love your post, Fanowene - you describe your friend with so much love, respect and acceptance of your differences. Your words created a movie in my mind. You're right - four simple letters can't do our friends any real justice :lovestruck:
Wow. I didn't think I would get that kind of a reaction. I thought my post was pretty lame and didn't do her any justice at all.

[WaeV]

Friends from Middle School:
ENTP - We were best friends but are beginning to drift apart
INTP - We hadn't spoken in a long time, but have seen each other alot recently.
INFJ - We've always been in loose contact.

Friends from High School:
INTJ - Understands me really well and is usually prepared to debate with me.
INFJ - Listens really well and always has good advice, but isn't much for debating.
???? - He was always good for a laugh, but we've had a schism recently.
INFJ - I'm not really sure what to say at the moment, as we recently broke up.
ESFP - "Mr. Cool." We always jokingly teased each other. When he wasn't in a group he could be quite sincere, however.

[ToC]

I like his ^ lists.

I used a lot of people in high school as social tools, but some were and still are friends.
People of note from high school (trying to keep it chronological). Also, keep in mind that I went to a boarding school, so the interactions were slightly different compared to typical friendships:

ISFP: butch chick who had a good ENTP facade. we got along for a year or two and weren't friends after that. (freshman)
ENFJ: has extreme ADHD (hyperactive type) and was insufferable at times, but we connected at N and were best friends for a while, still are good friends. he's a bit of a druggie, but is getting help now. very good at manipulating weaker-minded people. (5 years)
ESFP: also ADHD, but not as bad. was a tool that I used to climb the social ladder and hook up with chicks. I later found out that he was bisexual and wanted my ass, so this friendship had to be discontinued. he is now in the marines. (soph-junior year)
ENFP: dated for a while, but are just sometimes-buddies now. if she were more mature we'd probably get along better. (4 years)
ENFP: also dated for a while. didn't talk for a few years. one of the most intelligent people I know, we didn't talk for a while, but are good friends now. (4 years)

INTJ: best friend, recognized similar minds from the getgo, but initially pushed each others buttons. I thought he was an ENTP since he had a pretty convincing facade. At the time I was somewhat of an anti-jock, and him being a 7-foot basketball player made him a target too good to pass up. Turns out he hates sheeple as much as I do and we're still best friends. (3 years)

Since I started college I've made two good INTP buddies, and a few acquaintances (2 ENTPs, 2 INTPs, 2 ENFJs)

It might look like a lot of people, but I'm only in regular contact (once per month or so) with 3-4 of them.

[The Psyentist]

I don't have any best friends.

I used to have an ISFJ for a best friend. But now I see him as closed-minded and egocentric with a low self-esteem that sucks the goodness out of me.

I have a fairly good friend who might be an INTJ (she took a short not-necessarily-accurate test), but she's very much like my INFJ friend, so I think she could be that.

[Beryl]

Of my close friends I have one INFP, one ENFP, 3 ENFJS, an ISTJ, and an ESTP. I get along really well with NFs. I have yet to have any close NT friends. I am not sure how to feel about that yet.

[BlizzarD]

best friend is INTJ and we are in touch via similar program to windows messanger. i dont have real friends, only ones over pc screen..

[daydreamer]

i dont consciously look for a particular type but i have 3 friends and they are each intp

[wittykitty]

Well, turns out my best friend who was previous an ISFJ has settled on INFJ. Thats... 3 INFJs I'm close too? I assume one other close friend of mine is an INFP. I have a weird tendency to get along smashingly well with XNFJs it seems as there are two ENFJs I like quite a bit. I also can pick up an insightful conversation with an INTJ I once dated and a relatively new friend who usually tests INTJ/P: I tend to value their insights to a high degree.

[curiousgeorge01]

My best friend is an ENFP, another is ESTJ and another is ISTJ. I guess I have like a wide range. But..I do have issues with each.

[Renzokuken2000]

Made a bunch of friends as a child but they've dropped off till only 1 remains. Also an INTJ.

[Freedom Geek]

None at the moment. Doesn't really bother me.

[Sperra]

Friend is such an ambiguous term.

There are three people at this point who are allowed to call me at anytime, and I will talk to them if I notice that they are calling.

I would guess that they are:
ESFP
ENFP
INFJ

The two E's are dear to me, and I'd go through hell for them, but I don't consider them friends in the strictest sense of the word. We'll lose contact over the next decade.
I intend to maintain a lifelong friendship with the INFJ, I will even turn my phone on in order to call him.

Also, there was INFP I was very close to for years, although more as a confidant than a friend, but she wisely broke off communication.

Then there is my INTJ mother, who is my dear friend, but my mother first, unfortunately.

[sunlover]

I generally have 2-3, but am always keeping an eye out for more. Unfortunately, replacements are sometimes needed as friendships are almost always transitory by nature.

[Kmal]

3 real friends. One an enfj, the other an entp, the other I'm not completely sure of.

[jfc]

None. Havent had a real freind for many years.

[sapientragdoll]

I only have 2 real friends. I think that the determining factors of a "real friend" is someone I can depend on, I feel completely comfortable around, and who accepts and understands me 100%. They are:

ESTP: She was my first real best friend. I met her in a detentional alternative school after we both got expelled from high school. We thought about putting that on a Tshirt. I really value our friendship because she helps me interact when we're in a large group, and I think she appreciates my insights on people..she's an awful judge of character.

ISFJ: She's a 49 year old Mexican woman who used to clean my house when I was a kid. We've been friends since, even after my mom fired her when she found out we were smoking weed while she was at work haha. I like having another introverted friend; we don't necessarily have to talk when we're hanging out, we can just do our own things. Spending time with her is an equivalent to having my alone time.

[SelfMadeBum]

Four real ones, I would say: One ISFP male, two ENFJ females and an ISTJ male.

[dontlookback]

I'd say a handful or so of really good friends & three best friends (okay,I admit,my sister is one of them :nerd:). INTJ's aren't notoriously easy people to get along with,and seeing as we like being alone...:laugh: The people I consider my good friends are all people I've known for years. My two best friend's are both E(STJ :thinking:)'s,my sister is an I.

[t3hrubikscube]

I have a bunch of nice acquaintances that I don't really hang out with outside of the organizations we've met each other in. I also have a small group of very close friends. Out of all of those people, I guess I have one friend I could tell absolutely everything to if I chose to. He also happens to be my ex. I have a few other friends with whom I feel very close, but I don't know if I could tell them everything.

[Roland Ansgar]

All friends either dead or far away in time & distance. Wife and kids only.

[SwordAcolyte]

Just a few, and I would only talk about certain things to each one.

[Brion]

zero or one

[runoverazebra]

I'd say that I have about 10 real friends. Most of these live very far away from me. I've actually debated a lot recently about who was a real friend and who was not. It took a lot of reflection to decide on that number, especially as I see most of them so infrequently.

[Zevu]

I would say I have 3 maybe 4 REAL friends. The rest are just people I know.

[Synchronicity]

I'd say I have about 4 or 5 close friends. There are perhaps another 5 whom I hesitate to include, mostly because we've lost touch to a degree.

[ozarkshillbilly]

Wife (ISFJ) - yeah, we want to kill each other sometimes, and our conversations are frequently on different planes. Still, we're both committed to making our relationship work, and have grown to truly appreciate each other's differences.

Daughter (at this point, might end up an INTJ, maybe INFJ)

One other guy I consider a friend (INTJ) - we love to debate the best way to do something, or discuss ideas. Sometimes we drive each other nuts and will go several months without talking (mainly because we each value the friendship and choose not to let the debate get too far out of hand).

[NoStoneUnturned]

When I get them, I always click with ENFJ females. With them, there is always kind of a flirty nature in the air, with or without them having a boyfriend. I have a few of female friends like this that accumulate about the same way.

As for male friends, I have one ENTP male friend and one ENFP male friend. The ENTP i knew since highschool and I dont know if we would be friends otherwise. The ENFP more recent. Either way, they are cool because I can say anything, even something stupid/assholeish and they wouldn't care are think twice about if they should care.

[Night Runner]

I've only got one part-time friend (we only see each other once a week or so). He's a very misanthropic INTP with a bunch of issues but at least he understands me...

[mikeczyz]

I've got three people with whom I will talk about almost anything.

[saskia]

I have a lot of friends but....I always keep people at a certain distance. Also a lot of my closer friends live all over the globe....so we are not as close as we used to be. I screwed up a few really good friendships...because well I am how I am. I always had best friends growing up...but I was always moving country so that was hard to maintain. I must say I have at least 5 people who I think are really pretty cool people to have around me...who I do like...but I just wish I could meet someone a little bit more like me.

[Theaetetus]

An INXJ for general purposes, and a full-blown INTJ for verbal sparring and other purposes of rhetoric and philosophy. To be fair, I've only met about four people in life who have been able to hold a conversation with me. (or me with them? I think I'll be arrogant on this one...)

[EL Gato]

2 best buddies, both INFJs
2 new acquaintances that look like we'll become close friends in time, another INFJ (again, this one is a female friend) and the other an INFP.
A few close, but sort of outer circle friends, all SF types.
Strangely, all my friends are F. However, all my IN friends seem extremely smart to me.

I am also getting to reconnect with very old acquaintances from years ago (I have relocated to different and distant cities often). I've had a tendency to get disconnected with people I really liked and that's a shame. I recently learned of a very dear ex-colleage/boss that got cancer and passed away. For many years I have though of finding out how was she doing. I heard from an acquaintance she frequently asked the same about me. I won't let that happen again if I can help it.

[Squirelznflight]

-2 INTJ, both female. I've known one since toddler age. The other was introduced to me in middle school by INTJ Number One.
-1 ENTJ, male (Father)
-1 ENFJ, female (Stepmother)
-A hilarious and hyperactive comedian female
-A clumsy/random/sweet female who, back in middle school, tried out for the cheerleading squad as a joke and made squad leader
-1 ISTJ, male. Asian, about 4 feet something tall, with a quick temper, a morbid/ironic/random/satirical sense of humor, and with a tendency to swear. I admire his frankness and find his irreverence for everything on the planet absolutely hilarious, but I have yet to figure out how in the world we get along.

[LJames]

I have 9 friends that I consider to be real friends. This is mainly due to fortunate life circumstances where I completed 12 years of schooling with 4 of them and 5 years with the rest.

Since leaving school I have not met anyone whom I would class as a real friend. It upsets me that I don't seem to be able to connect easily with people as an adult, because I love my friends and would like more.

[Grotesque]

I have 3 real friends who I like, I am absolutely honest while talking with them and I am not afraid about asking them for help and about 2 people who I really like but I am not absolutely certain if they are my friends.

[EvangelionThree]

2. I met them recently and I am calling them friends for now, I guess it'll take a little bit of time to be sure, though. I think it's a 50/50 chance.

[Fang]

I'd say 3-5. My best friend I've known for almost 9 years but she lives halfway across the country. We don't talk often but I think the distance makes us closer if that's possible. The others have extended moments of trying to use me as an emotional crutch/anchor so I untwist from them a bit.

I have a co-worker who I've gotten quite tight with. She's an INFP and we act as a sounding board for each other and idea critique etc. Neither of us have begun to annoy the other which is novel. I find how we relate to one another refreshing.

Anyone else is just an acquaintance who gets the "friend" title when it's convenient for either of us. They'll ask me for advice and tell me things but I don't really reciprocate because I don't have to and it would be kind of a pointless exercise.

[overseer]

It seems like a lot of folks in the forum are good at determining with MBTI their friends are (without test taking?). I'm not sure about the types, with the exception of my best friend and wife, who is an INFP, but I have only three good friends. These are people who have stuck with me for a while, and two of whom don't even live within 800 miles.

[Billy Cox]

I only have two friends who I consider to be close. One lives in town, the other lives in another country, but we talk on the phone 4-5 times a week.

Perhaps it's the I talking, but I know that there are several people who consider me to be their close friend. While I care for most of them and may sometimes enjoy their company, I just can't be fully comfortable around them. Therein lies the dividing line.

[osoba]

No real friends... I am mostly friends with people who I date at the moment and their friends... But my current "date" appears to me as increasingly week minded as the time passes :P

[Causa Mortis]

No real friends... I am mostly friends with people who I date at the moment and their friends... But my current "date" appears to me as increasingly week minded as the time passes :P

Ditto. What I really crave more than anything are close friendships - people with whom I can connect without the drama of family or the inevitable sexual/material objectification of romantic relationships - yet every time I find this, I find a way to sabotage it.

[osoba]

Ditto. What I really crave more than anything are close friendships - people with whom I can connect without the drama of family or the inevitable sexual/material objectification of romantic relationships - yet every time I find this, I find a way to sabotage it.

You know after thinking for a few minutes about what to reply I noticed that almost nobody posted twice in this topic (aka not replying to each other's posts)... Do INTJs really shy away from friendship that much? :P

[fractalcurves]

I have only one friend. He's 4 years older than me (platonic friendship, no dating) and is an INTJ.

I can make lots of friends very quickly, but keeping them for a long time is a real problem. I have too many trust issues.

You know after thinking for a few minutes about what to reply I noticed that almost nobody posted twice in this topic (aka not replying to each other's posts)... Do INTJs really shy away from friendship that much? :PIt's not really a discussion thread though. The topic question is a personal question and after contributing to this thread I doubt that people would have any reason to come back to it and check through the replies. Unless the person is the OP or someone very interested in how many friends each member has.

[XFire35]

Three. It's a magic number.

[Bacteria]

My close group of friends which I interact with at least once a month, I however have many people that I consider friends, but don't usually talk to on a regular basis.
ENFP who is my girlfriend.
ENTJ who I've known for 16 years.
INFJ I've known for over 10 years.
INTJ An online friend.
ENTP I guess I could consider him to be almost like a step father.

[Maddy]

i'm friends with everyone! most of my really close friends are SPs and NTJs, but i get along with just about anyone i encounter.

[ClydeB]

If you use the wikipedia article as the definition of 'friend'. I would say I have one.

[MarkBlain]

I have 4 good close friends I have great trust in. An INTJ, ESTJ, ESTP and an ISTJ.

[Polaris]

My baby sister and my childhood friends from home, maybe three. I also have two close friends here, but not sure if I can trust one of them. I have ditched several so called "friends" as they have either tried to take advantage of me, or have expected me to be more giving than I am able to. I think real friends do not expect you to be "dutiful". I am a free spirit, but I never stop loving people close to me. My real friends understand that.

[Hawk2]

Before I started my current job I would have said 3, but then I joined the military and I would have to say I have around 10 friends who I would go to the mat for and who would do the same for me.

[IrishGuy]

Hmm. I have two close friends; a fellow INTJ and an ISTJ; then around 4-5 close acquaintances (mostly my friends friends), about a dozen regular acquaintances that I work with in the lab and finally about two dozen distance acquaintances.

[Elena]

2 close friends, im still trying to type both of them.

[Bobert]

Aside from my wife, none whatsoever. I'm quite the recluse (not spider). Not a shut-in, mind. Most people don't interest me conversationally, so any verbal interaction is light.

[AnotherWhiskey]

Friends? What are these? Oh right, it's a kind of people who you closely interact with, exchange some personal info and then they stab you in the back. Then you hunt one of them down and...
Haven't had any of these for a long time.

[mmw]

I had one very close friendship growing up...but I have not heard from them in a couple years. I think it's difficult to achieve friendships as close as those you have when you are young. Other than that I have a few acquaintances here and there and work friends. My standards for work friends are much lower, otherwise working with them everyday would be unbearable. This all works out fine for me since I tend to loathe most all forms socializing (apparently I've made an exception for this board).

[vern]

Not counting the ones in my head, lets see, lots, I just neglect them somewhat and many live far away from me now...

[jimnorris]

i have only four. they are closer than a brother to me and we treat each other as if we were actually family. two are esfj's, one is an infj, and i don't know what the last one is according to MBTI but he is a strong I on the DISC method(which i don't like because it is not informative enough). it is an interesting combination. the two esfj's help keep me connected on an emotional level which is where i struggle hardest. the infj understands me better than the others so our conversations are on a totally different level. And the one who is an I is a risk taker which is also an area i tend to struggle with. he loves spontaneity. makes life interesting!

[miya]

hm. if you mean closest, like sisters or sumthing, then i'd say 3. if you mean, friends who care bout you but you don't open up about everything to them...then i'd say...6 ppl? (not including the 3 sisters)

[Ceres]

close friends who i really open up to, maybe 1. This gap is filled by my siblings who are all introverted.
I have a lot of acquaintances though, and maybe 7 people who classify as friends that care about me but i don't open up to.

[liquidzilla]

About 8? It's thanks to classes and meeting people through other people, I wouldn't say they were all close friends though (most seem to try and compete with me or argue with me).

[brecia]

I have my baby sister who is an ESTJ ,she is the most important and close person in my life.Also my older sister an INFJ, we can't get along well but i know i can count on her.
Excluding family, i had one true friend for 16 years ,but we ended our friendship 3 months ago.

I have a few friends,actually they chose to approach me.People find me interesting and funny.
An ENTP male
An ISFP female
and a few others i don't know their types...

But i can't say i have REAL friends, i constantly test them in my mind.I don't trust people easily.

[Paul Siraisi]

Zero, of course.

Not counting wife and family.

[beano]

4

mostly they are big E's and one is a whinging I

I see them all very regularly every year or two and call them at least once every six months

[Ezra]

Zero. It's quite sad. Or not. I often wish I had just one true friend to hang out with and talk to and do things with.

[Plastikcat]

Zero. Absolutely Zero.

I've had a close child-hood friend from middle school until the end of high school. We haven't spoken in 4 years since. Everyone else has moved on, I have removed all social networking communities (with the reminding "internet" friends) and lost touch with acquaintances.

[Zombicide]

I'm not sure any of my close friends in "real" life count as friends so much as they are a type of enemy or neutral semi-enemy. I am fairly certain that they are out to get me, which isn't any different from the normal population's conspiracy against me.

[lazymf]

lazymf added to this post, 3 minutes and 59 seconds later...

fuk guys, i have almost no friends. i feel so bad, im trying so hard but i come up drawing straws in the dark.

i can be very social but without that mindmate connection i cant be their friend.

im a chameleon with no friends

this is sincerely a low point in my life right now. brings a few tears to my eyes.fuk guys, i have almost no friends. i feel so bad, im trying so hard but i come up drawing straws in the dark.

i can be very social but without that mindmate connection i cant be their friend.

im a chameleon with no friends

this is sincerely a low point in my life right now. brings a few tears to my eyes.



fighting spirit guys, dont mope around, put some effort to reaching out to people come on come on. this is it.

[Takeru]

I have friends and acquaintances. As for true or real friends, probably only one or two. The one being a cousin of mine. Friends that I do things together but understand less than 5% of me? like 4-6. And however amount of acquaintances that you can find that know your name but know nothing about you. These are the many people who think I am such a kind soul.....:laugh:.

Sounds sad, but I really don't want to be searching for people to be calling a true or best friend. The time will come when one shall appear. Though I do wish I had one that isn't a cousin at least.

[Branden]

I have a single best friend who i met two years ago. We do almost everything together. He too is an INTJ and we understand each other completely. We have only fought once ever, and it was a mutual walk-away and hey the next day sort of thing. He is my one true confidant and we enjoy almost all of the same activities. When something happens to one of us, it feels as though its happening to both of us, good or bad. I feel so lucky for this, because without him i can only imagine where my mental health and confidence levels might be. Just got to find a woman like this someday...: )

[Murky Muse]

Four, and they are the siblings I never had. I also have about 10 or so acquaintances; a few of which might end up as friends.

[Bankrobber]

I have one friend who I feel is a friend in the true meaning of the word, she's a bit like me so we understand each other. Then I have two friends who I like but can't stand to hang out with too much, they're filled with to much energy and they don't understand me so therefore I get really annoyed with them quite easily.

I feel very content with having few friends,

[crodgers]

I would say I have about 4 people in my inner circle; these are people that really know me couldn’t hide anything from them even if I wanted to, and to be honest I have no desire to hide any part of me from them. Outside of that I have probably another 6 people in my outer circle, I would consider them friends simply because I would go out of my way to help them out if needed. Outside of that group, I guess you’d call them acquaintances, I know there name but really have no invested in them at all.

[Mint]

Hmm, probably two or three. One's a huge E, another IxTx, and another...ok, maybe two. Also various people I can talk to for a few minutes. I value my friends, they make me live my life outside my head, which can be useful.

[SongofSeptember]

Four on three different levels of closeness. Male extrovert with Te and Fi (still typing him), female ExFP, female INTJ, female ESTJ.

[Miryr]

Hmm, real friends you say? I might have one atm, and I've just met the guy so I'm not particularly sure. Although it's easier for me to socialize on the internet because I can can find people with my interests...

[nizolette]

Just out of interest how many of you have how many friends you consider REAL friends.
I mean we all have "friends" and people we get on Ok , also what do you consider a real friend?

“A friend is someone who understands your past, believes in your future, and accepts you just the way you are.”

That is what makes a REAL friend for me.

To understand my past means that I have talked about it (which I do not lightly) and that we shared some of it (time spent together, shared memories)

To accept me just the way I am now is the most important factor and believing in my future means trusting me and my decisions.

Of course I also have to understand my friends' past, and accept their ways.

It does not matter, if I see a friend daily or once a year.


I have to have a reason to have a relationship with someone.

And, no shopping is not a reason!

I have to have a reason to spend time with someone to be able to become friends. Once we are friends caring about my friends' well-being is reason enough, becoming friends in the first place is the challenge.

I know my oldest friend from elementary school and a few years ago she asked me to be her daughter's godmother. (though I don't remember much about going to school together some 30 years ago)

I have one more friend from middle school who lives in another city but we see each other once or twice a year, she usually comes to my city for some work related training and lives with me during that time.

Then I have three friends whom I either work with currently or used to work with that I see constantly. I asked those three to do a MBTI and they tested INFJ, INFJ and ENTP.

I don't think that I have much in common with any of my friends, but that's not really necessary as long as we are interested in each other's lives.

I have also lost/abandoned some friends over the years because one or both of us just did not care about the other one anymore though it does sometimes take a few years to find that out/admit it to yourself.

[Antares]

So, it's been more than a year since I last posted this, so I guess I'll do this again. Note, my definition of a real friend is as such, I must genuinely be able to say I care for him/her. Talk a lot =/= real friend, and conversely, talk little =/= "just any friend" There's a male INTJ, a female (I have no idea what she is), a female ESTP, a male (tentatively typing) INFJ and a female ESFJ. I care for all of them immensely, perhaps I do too much, for one. It takes a lot for me to develop affection or attachment for a person, and I've "accumulated" them over the years. My affection is not something I'm in a hurry to give away, so I guess my list won't change much over the years; well, not radically anyway.

[Blse]

The average American only has 1 or 2 close connections, or what you'd call "real friends" (more when young, less when older). Typically one of the 1 to 2 is a spouse. So, no need to qualify with "only."

As for me, outside of my family... meh... used to have 2, pretty sure it's now 1... my main social focus is family.

[vern]

The average American only has 1 or 2 close connections, or what you'd call "real friends" (more when young, less when older). Typically one of the 1 to 2 is a spouse. So, no need to qualify with "only."

As for me, outside of my family... meh... used to have 2, pretty sure it's now 1... my main social focus is family.

Is that so?

Why so few?

[brdmadgrl82]

I would say my brother and my husband are my closest "friends". But does family count? I have a couple of girl friend but I hate talking on the phone, I don't like going to bars with them to drink, and there are things about them that annoy me...I have no patience when it comes to people. I do try very hard to keep in contact as much as I possibly can and they all live far from me so thats even better.

[Blse]

Is that so?

Yup.

Why so few?

Me? Introvert - my family and 1 person is enough for me.

The average American? There are various theories, but why is this considered "few?" Sociologists call it "few" too, but I don't see why. How many people does one really need?

...My hyopthesis, introversion is far more common than the MBTI folks would beleive and most people are content with few close friends (aka "real friends," not facebook profiles' 450 "friends").

[vern]

Yup.



Me? Introvert - my family and 1 person is enough for me.

The average American? There are various theories, but why is this considered "few?" Sociologists call it "few" too, but I don't see why. How many people does one really need?

...My hyopthesis, introversion is far more common than the MBTI folks would beleive and most people are content with few close friends (aka "real friends," not facebook profiles' 450 "friends").

Introversion has not prevented me from befriending many people, I do, like you need my space, live alone, well without the significant other, however I love people and cannot ignore them. It is not a need, it is a want for me and due to my inability to chat people talk to me, and not one of them has bored me or wasted my time. I cannot fathom being content with a few close friends any more than I can be content with a few good books, there is so much more out there to read, but then again I am after all a freak.

I am Canadian, as you know, do you think that the difference could be cultural, or based on population, the sheer numbers perhaps make people more reluctant to interact with each other unlike here where it is a smaller world? Just random thoughts, don't mind me.

[gius]

zero...

but i'm only lonely when there are people around me.

[Blse]

I cannot fathom being content with a few close friends any more than I can be content with a few good books, there is so much more out there to read, but then again I am after all a freak.

Well, it's a personal choice thing. I just don't think there's anything wrong with being content with a few people, rather than many. That's what I'm speaking out against: the idea that one choice is inherently better than the other. I didn't mean to imply that people are boring or a waste of time. All depends on person and situation.

I am Canadian, as you know, do you think that the difference could be cultural, or based on population, the sheer numbers perhaps make people more reluctant to interact with each other unlike here where it is a smaller world?

Actually, that's an interesting question. But since Canada (Anglo-Canada) is so much like America (I know that's a though pill to swallow), I have trouble seeing it... I can see it being cultural-dependent when we look at really different cultures.

[vern]

Well, it's a personal choice thing. I just don't think there's anything wrong with being content with a few people, rather than many. That's what I'm speaking out against: the idea that one choice is inherently better than the other. I didn't mean to imply that people are boring or a waste of time. All depends on person and situation.

Don't get me wrong Blse, I know you are not anti social or that you dislike people, I am simply intrigued, by your situation. I think what we have here is two different methods of introversion. I prefer to remain solitary by socializing away from my home and let that be my sanctuary. I have had to do this simply because I have had to market myself and that takes a lot of interaction and it makes it easier to be elusive, freedom is a necessity for me. My way of coping, operating simply developed when I was young also I have little connection with my family, save my daughter and I suspect that is not the case with you.


Actually, that's an interesting question. But since Canada (Anglo-Canada) is so much like America (I know that's a though pill to swallow), I have trouble seeing it... I can see it being cultural-dependent when we look at really different cultures.

No it is not a difficult pill because it is not true. Canada is a very diverse country, in some area's there is more cultural similarities to you down there but not everywhere, we are big remember, very big actually. Where I am from we do not have the population numbers simply because we do not have the land mass, I am not on the continent you see so perhaps it is just easier, the small town or small city now, thing if you get my meaning. You cannot hide on an Island or get away without notice that easily after all. I believe my perspective is skewed by this reality and my comfort level with people, strangers is quite high for an introvert.

[gius]

I live in Canada...

I had a new classmate who just came from Iran. The interesting thing she said to me when we were driving to class was, "There are so many people by themselves." I forgot to ask her if that is normal in Iran.

[vern]

I live in Canada...

I had a new classmate who just came from Iran. The interesting thing she said to me when we were driving to class was, "There are so many people by themselves." I forgot to ask her if that is normal in Iran.

Interesting observation, I assume it is culturally taboo or not safe to be alone in so many places. Perhaps Canada is intj heaven, it is for me anyway.

[Blse]

Don't get me wrong Blse, I know you are not anti social or that you dislike people, I am simply intrigued, by your situation. I think what we have here is two different methods of introversion. I prefer to remain solitary by socializing away from my home and let that be my sanctuary. I have had to do this simply because I have had to market myself and that takes a lot of interaction and it makes it easier to be elusive, freedom is a necessity for me. My way of coping, operating simply developed when I was young also I have little connection with my family, save my daughter and I suspect that is not the case with you.

Yes, my model is the other way around - I like to interact with people mostly on my home turf. A few select people in my environment that's what I'm most comfortable with. That's why "putting myself out there" to meet people is the uncomfortable part - because then I have to play on their turf. That can be fun (I certainly enjoy leading some of my discussion groups at the university in my faculties as TA), but when it comes to closer interaction I prefer "home-field advantage" if that makes sense - a very select few in my relatively closed home-circle. In my other work (analyst) I work under absolutely minimal supervision (guess where I like to post from?) and deal almost exclusively with data. From time to time, I present my findings and issue reports. And then it's back to data. As with anything it has its weaknesses and strengths and eventually I'll need to make some changes to it, I'm sure.




No it is not a difficult pill because it is not true. Canada is a very diverse country, in some area's there is more cultural similarities to you down there but not everywhere, we are big remember, very big actually. Where I am from we do not have the population numbers simply because we do not have the land mass, I am not on the continent you see so perhaps it is just easier, the small town or small city now, thing if you get my meaning. You cannot hide on an Island or get away without notice that easily after all. I believe my perspective is skewed by this reality and my comfort level with people, strangers is quite high for an introvert.

I think rural culture may be the difference then. I know Canada is diverse, as is the U.S., and especially my home state of California. So any cultural comparison needs qualification. I live in "suburbia" amid hundreds of square miles of tract homes, freeways and shopping malls along with millions (there are some hills and "exurban" parts here and there, but the greater Bay Area is one giant city of about 7 million). In this kind of setting you live in anonymity. I actually like this setting b/c I don't have to interact with anyone really unless I want to. It's a setting of complete privacy but all the services you could possibly want. I imagine that a small town where everybody knows everybody are very different, and I have a hard time imaginig it actually.

That said, the only part of BC I know is Vancouver and Burnaby. My statement on Canada (or at least Anglo-Canada) being much like the U.S. overall was based on my visits to those areas. That said, I'm guessing if you go to the San Juan Islands on the American side of Pudget Sound you would probably encounter a culture similar to yours.

[vern]

Yes, my model is the other way around - I like to interact with people mostly on my home turf. A few select people in my environment that's what I'm most comfortable with. That's why "putting myself out there" to meet people is the uncomfortable part - because then I have to play on their turf. That can be fun (I certainly enjoy leading some of my discussion groups at the university in my faculties as TA), but when it comes to closer interaction I prefer "home-field advantage" if that makes sense - a very select few in my relatively closed home-circle. In my other work (analyst) I work under absolutely minimal supervision (guess where I like to post from?) and deal almost exclusively with data. From time to time, I present my findings and issue reports. And then it's back to data. As with anything it has its weaknesses and strengths and eventually I'll need to make some changes to it, I'm sure.

Or not if it works it works, of course you will as time goes by change the units within your environment. I won't change my method, I know there are many friends I have yet to be acquainted with and I still have to market myself.

I think rural culture may be the difference then. I know Canada is diverse, as is the U.S., and especially my home state of California. So any cultural comparison needs qualification. I live in "suburbia" amid hundreds of square miles of tract homes, freeways and shopping malls along with millions (there are some hills and "exurban" parts here and there, but the greater Bay Area is one giant city of about 7 million). In this kind of setting you live in anonymity. I actually like this setting b/c I don't have to interact with anyone really unless I want to. It's a setting of complete privacy but all the services you could possibly want. I imagine that a small town where everybody knows everybody are very different, and I have a hard time imaginig it actually.

That said, the only part of BC I know is Vancouver and Burnaby. My statement on Canada (or at least Anglo-Canada) being much like the U.S. overall was based on my visits to those areas. That said, I'm guessing if you go to the San Juan Islands on the American side of Pudget Sound you would probably encounter a culture similar to yours.

Population does make a difference, now I have no problem in cities, my friendly bit still functions and I have had some great philosophical discussions with a variety of people in Canadian cities. I found when I was in California people where very stand offish, it was a bit disconcerting. Suburbia is the one place I am not at ease at, rural or inner city is where I am comfortable. Considering where you are from I am not surprised you cannot imagine the small town bit, where everyone knows of you, the sprawl you describe is out of my comfort zone, the sameness I find very depressing. Of course this is a north america thing in my opinion, Europe and the population's there I think I can adapt to much easier simply because of the variety, diversity and the history.

Now TA get back to your data!

[Entbark]

Since I moved around a lot as a child (avg. once a year) I never made any close friends till I discovered chat rooms. One of my closer friends is someone I met in a chat room eight years ago, and we been in contact for most of that time.

Lately, I've had a few close friends, but the possessor of the title of "closest friend" seems to change over time. My first best friend and I haven't really kept much in contact since he got married. Most recently, my best friend of the last 3 years is about to move out of state, which I am trying to mentally prepare for. I don't really have another candidate for best friend right now, so I am not sure what I am going to do. Probably go back to WoW. Just kidding!

[Sk8ordude]

Though on most nice days I go out and hang out with more or less the same group of 15 or so freinds (friendly aquantences that share the same interest, which is skateboarding at the skatepark). I don't have anyone that I can consider a REAL freind these days, I think I used to, but in the end they all let me down one by one. Perhaps I have too high of standards, perhaps not. Most of them were extroverts I would have to say, though I'm not sure on the specifics.
I can understand why other people would say that is a bad thing. However I am happy with the current situation, since the only thing I would want to do with other guys is skate anyways.

[3nigma]

I am closest with 2 people
1 INTJ and 1 ENTJ

[Fanowene]

At the moment I would say that number is zero. In the past I have had friends I could tell everything and they would tell me everything too (well, close to everything, anyway). There's a lot of people to hang around with on campus, so whenever I need some human interaction I can get that. But I don't want any of them as close friends.

However, for some reason I would like a boyfriend. I don't know if that makes any sense, though.

(That's not counting my family. But I don't live with them anymore, so I'm distancing myself from them somewhat. I guess I'm growing up...)
About a year later.... a different picture.

I'd count my ENFP best friend as a close friend, as well as my ESFJ little sister. I can tell either of them basically anything and I do tell them about the important things going on in my head. Apart from that, I have a couple friends with whom I have regular contact and whom I would trust with sensitive information, even if I don't share that kind of information with them at the moment. My circle of friends definitely has opened up. Or, more accurately, I have opened up. I am less afraid of people.