Have you ever stayed in a relationship because it was convenient?

[md21017md]

My INTJ g/f (we've been dating almost 2 years) said she'd never be in a relationship unless it was working for her. From what I've read here, you guys seem able to toss a failing relationship aside like used underware. What I am wondering, have you ever stayed in a relationship that wasn't good, that you knew you should end? If so, why?

My g/f can be very caring, but over the past 5-6 months, I've seen issues (compared to the year before) where it seems like she's pulling away. She can superficially be very close and caring, but then later have 0 interest in sex, or going out, all things that we did in the neginning and part of what I fell in love with. Now I just feel like I have a close friend with benefits as opposed to a g/f. Or, is this typical of an INTJ?

[Lucan]

Is there something that is needing her attention else where? Have you at all been pushy about the social side?

[blueback]

INTJs can be very sensetive to indications of disapproval. It's possible she feels like you're pulling away from her so she is doing the same.

[sriv]

If you approach too fast, she will pull away. Maybe she does not like the way the relationship is going.

You may consider this diabolical but I keep friends that I should have left a long time ago just for conversation or because I am too nice/weak to leave them and see them try to hunt me down.

I agree with Lucan: Try to do things she wants to do. I know if I am doing something that is wasting my time or something I do not want to do, I will retreat into my mind.

[Lucan]

My partner is an ESPF and sometimes he is too touchy feely to me. I tell to back up and give me some me time and it works. As for the quality time try doing something she likes. My partner when we started going out kept buying me things like flowers etc. And I never wanted that, in sheer desperation he asked what do you want from me? And I said more of your time, I enjoy the outdoors and we went camping after that by ourselves and we've been together ever since.

[Uytuun]

From what I've read here, you guys seem able to toss a failing relationship aside like used underware.

Not exactly, we try very hard to make it work, but when it doesn't, then we can rationally acknowledge that and it's easier for us to leave. We can spend a lot of time trying to make it work, though, failure isn't really our thing after all.

[md21017md]

We pretty much only do what she wants to do. The biggest thing, I like to go out on the weekends. When she is with me, 9:30 or 10 she is falling asleep - even sittin on a bar stool with the band playing. If she goes out with friends - me there on not - it is not uncommon for her to be up and out at midnight. When we first dated we did go out a lot, it seems like "ok, we are a couple, I can drop the act".

[sriv]

If you really think that the relationship is not going how you want it, then tell her. Hopefully, she will get possesive and try to make it better. If she does not, then you two are not good for each other.

[Katharo]

I don't think I would do that. Doing so it's getting free headaches.

[SeaCzar]

Not exactly, we try very hard to make it work, but when it doesn't, then we can rationally acknowledge that and it's easier for us to leave. We can spend a lot of time trying to make it work, though, failure isn't really our thing after all.


I agree with this. Something is either going to work, or its not. No matter what I did, I could not get my marriage to work. I am the first to admit that there were faults on both sides, but when I realized that I was not what she wanted, it was time to throw in the towel. She was much more upset by this than I, but I could not deal with it any longer. For the sake of my own happiness and sanity, I had to move on.

[Nausved]

How long have you been together? It's natural for things to cool down a bit after the "honeymoon" period. That doesn't mean anything is wrong.

But if something IS wrong, you need to ask her about it. Just make sure to do it when both of you are in good moods, and mentally prepare yourself to try to see things from her side of the situation. (And if possible, give her a chance to mentally prepare herself, too; if you fling anything on her too suddenly, she may be bewildered and not respond well.)

[PortInStorm]

Seems like she is dropping the act, that she senses you're unhappy, she's uncomfortable forever doing the 'things you fell in love with' (not that there's anything innately wrong with those), and is evaluating whether she can stay. With this kind of time frame (in 2nd year), she may be sensing that there's a major decision in the works - make it even more serious or cut and run.