INTJ vs. XY

[acyckowski]

Why does the INTJ temperament seem to so frequently cancel out the Y-chromosome, especially when it comes to courtship and dating?

We're men, damn it, why does this strange combination of other things always seem to cancel out that fact? A recurring theme in this sub-forum is: guy-likes-girl, guy-pursues-girl, guy-engages-in-self-defeating-dithering-while-over-analyzing-and-over-talking-the-situation-with-the-girl, girl-eventually-gets-frustrated-by-the-lack-of-progress-and-moves-on, guy-continues-to-over-analyze-what-just-happened.

Look, it's simple. You find a girl attractive, you initiate contact. If she allows it, you pursue. If the pursuit is welcome (for example, she spends a lot of time with you), try to close the deal! If you fail, move on to the next girl. Men, uniquely talented at creating testosterone (the chemical that drives aggression and risk-taking), ought to be able do this. INTJ's, unique in our rationality and emotional detachment, ought to be able to take the long view on this.

It's a numbers game. Play the damn odds.

Gentlemen, embrace the Y-chromosome. Take risk. In matters of love, you only have to win once.

[S3raphymn]

This is one of the best posts I've ever read on this forum about this subject.

I completely agree with the advice given. Sometimes, one can only 'learn by doing,' not 'thinking then doing.'

[Storm]

Perhaps this is a time to re-examine the validity of gender stereotypes.

[Latro]

Perhaps this is a time to re-examine the validity of gender stereotypes.
A stereotype is different from a subset of the cultural mores. You're right ofc, but the phrasing makes it seem a bit worse than it actually is.

[acyckowski]

Perhaps this is a time to re-examine the validity of gender stereotypes.

Exactly my point. Rather than grab a sack and go after the girl, it seems like we'd prefer to stick our collective thumbs where the moon don't shine and ponder abstractions about abstractions.

[Megalomania]

I'm guilty of overanalyzing as well because I always thought everyone else was like that.
and on the topic of risk, I found this poem quite poignant.
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[Storm]

Exactly my point. Rather than grab a sack and go after the girl, it seems like we'd prefer to stick our collective thumbs where the moon don't shine and ponder abstractions about abstractions.

Of course, you have to remember that the only people who ask for dating advice are, well, people who need dating advice.

I have no problem with "chasing."

[Samoan Corleone]

Trial and error is highly draining and tiring, but I'm not going to stop those who want to proceed with it.

Gentlemen, embrace the Y-chromosome. Take risk. In matters of love, you only have to win once.

Define "win"?

[acyckowski]

Define "win"?

Win=to achieve one's objective.

With respect to dating and courtship, this depends on the individual. If you're fifteen and stay up at night plotting how you're going to get to second base with somebody/anybody, that's your standard. If you're older and want to find that special someone with whom you can spend the rest of your life, then you've got a bit more work to do.

Of course, you have to remember that the only people who ask for dating advice are, well, people who need dating advice. Point taken. I advise that men start acting as such and take a chance.

[The Maelstrom]

Of course, you have to remember that the only people who ask for dating advice are, well, people who need dating advice.

I have no problem with "chasing."

So you were the one who was "Chasing the Reindeer" as the say in Asia? :p

[Storm]

Point taken. I advise that men start acting as such and take a chance.

Why limit it to men?

[Vagrant]

I used to overanalyze all the time about relationships when I was younger. Before I even knew I was an INTJ though, I put myself out there and started to realize that over-analysis was crippling any potential relationships I had.

Now I tread a fine line. While I still remain very much myself and in control, I realize that I gotta just not look too closely at the finer details. Focus on the big picture -- have some fun.

[ya lyublyu tebya]

Maybe the girls they go after like INTJ guys in the first place because they're not aggressive and forward. *shrug*

[Merak]

Of course, you have to remember that the only people who ask for dating advice are, well, people who need dating advice.

I have no problem with "chasing."

This.

I'm sure there are plenty of INTJs who do just fine with women, but they are not going to come here and post.

Yes, INTJs struggle with relationships more than other types, but they struggle with all relationships, not just sexual ones.