Erroneous Perceptions

[Darkmist]

Have you ever fainted, and if so, why?

This came up tonight as a result of my husband working on a project in the garage while I prepared our evening meal. I'm cooking a nice Italian dinner and he comes up and shows me his thumb with a nail driven through. My reaction was shock, to step back and ah, crap that must hurt! (Empathy not sympathy) My second reaction was that a doctor would dull the pain, pull the nail, prescribe antibiotics and send him home. So within moments, I prescribed self treatment.

Anyhow, he has ever since been telling everyone how I almost fainted at the sight of it. I take offense at that. Only once in my life have I ever fainted and that was beacuse I didn't eat or drink water for almost three days. It insults me to tell the world I am something I am not. (weak in this instance)

My question is, has anyone else suffered through misconceptions that no matter how you prove them wrong (in my case by not fainting in the twenty six years he's known me), you are stuck with that label? A label not only ascribed to you from one or two people but everyone who comes along after that? If so, how do you deal with it?

[Haphazard]

I have fainted from shock from much lesser things and it's a legitimate phobia and medical idiosyncracy.

Am I weak?

I take offense to your offense.

[Darkmist]

I'm not saying everyone who faints is weak. What I am saying is that it annoys me that people feel the need to perceive me as weak in order to deal with my lack of emotions.

IMHO we all deal with events differently. I am not a fainting type and to be treated as something I'm not, no matter what proof there is to the contrary, is insulting.

Truly no offense. Without diversity, we'd all be boring. :cheesy:





Darkmist added to this post, 2 minutes and 57 seconds later...

To clarify, weak in this instance is a perception of mine. What I have never done, I shouldn't be accused of, an individual thing I guess.





Darkmist added to this post, 15 minutes and 21 seconds later...

Another clarification

We've been house buiilding on our own a fairly large project for a couple of years. Injuries happen. We have learned what is personably combatible (sp?) and what is not so this nail is not serious, no matter what it sounds like. My husband is ENTP and also not prone to trotting off to Doc if he doesn't see an immediate need to. This is not about medical attention or weakness.

It is about perceptions of others in relation to for lack of a better word 'rumor.'

[Haphazard]

Well, I think a lot of introverts can agree with the perception that we're either shy or somehow angry at the world or hateful or there's something wrong with us. And it can be crippling, especially in a highly social situation like school or work when you've already been pegged as antisocial or at best, terribly, terribly shy.

[vaguely dissatisfied]

There are a couple of things that strike me about what you've said.

1. Your husband sounds like he either wanted you to faint or wanted to shock you.

2. You don't want anyone to think that you even came close to fainting.

[Darkmist]

My husband does like to shock me, yes. And it isn't the fainting that bothers me as much as his telling people something about me that is untrue. It's difficult enough being judged as high and mighty for not engaging in small talk and attending all the parties. I don't want added judgements, particularly falsehoods.

The fainting goes along with people's perceptions of all women are the same. Slow to get ready when going out, turn to mush around babies and weak-stomached. That isn't me at all. Labels in general annoy me. I am an individual, not a piece of a collective whole. I probably need to ignore it, but it still stings.

[vaguely dissatisfied]

My husband does like to shock me, yes. And it isn't the fainting that bothers me as much as his telling people something about me that is untrue. It's difficult enough being judged as high and mighty for not engaging in small talk and attending all the parties. I don't want added judgements, particularly falsehoods.

The fainting goes along with people's perceptions of all women are the same. Slow to get ready when going out, turn to mush around babies and weak-stomached. That isn't me at all. Labels in general annoy me. I am an individual, not a piece of a collective whole. I probably need to ignore it, but it still stings.
So my thoughts about this surround.......

Why does your husband like to shock you and why does he want to spread rumors about you that obviously bother you? And, why do you care what these other people think?

[Haphazard]

My husband does like to shock me, yes. And it isn't the fainting that bothers me as much as his telling people something about me that is untrue. It's difficult enough being judged as high and mighty for not engaging in small talk and attending all the parties. I don't want added judgements, particularly falsehoods.

The fainting goes along with people's perceptions of all women are the same. Slow to get ready when going out, turn to mush around babies and weak-stomached. That isn't me at all. Labels in general annoy me. I am an individual, not a piece of a collective whole. I probably need to ignore it, but it still stings.

Fainting doesn't have anything to do with a weak stomach. It's a sudden drop in blood pressure... In fact, I'd say that fainting is a feminine action while throwing up is a masculine one, but that's just me.

How often does your husband talk about these things? Haven't you told him that it bothers you? Even if you can't get him to stop because it's untrue, say it's an awful memory that you'd rather not recall.

[Tenacious B]

I would say that your husband is telling others you almost fainted to convey the seriousness of the situation in order to make himself feel tougher.

"I suffered an injury enough to make others faint at the mere sight of it, I'm hardcore."


A similar thing happened to me in highschool. A heavy weight fell on one of my fingers during a physics lab; hit right on the very tip, pinching it on the hard lab table. I became light headed and classmates said I turned white. My blood pressure obviously dropped quickly, but I didn't like others thinking (or possibly thinking) that I almost passed out from crushing a finger. It hurt, but wasn't too painful. I think it pinched a nerve or something like that.


But getting back on topic, I think your husband is spinning the story to make it attention grabbing. Maybe he wants others to think he is tough, or maybe he just likes to embellish a story to get the attention of his audience. My dad likes to be the story teller at the center of attention and tends to rewrite the story in the process.

[Zilal]

I get irritated when people misperceive my natural tendency to want to observe for hesistation. I remember sitting on the beach eating my lunch one day when a very inquisitive puppy came up and started poking around my stuff. I was just watching what he was doing when the owner yelled out, "Don't be so terrified of him... he's just a puppy! Just push him away!" That got my goat. I did react badly to someone assuming I was afraid, as you did (and then later it occurred to me to be irritated that it was his responsibility to keep his dog in check, not mine).

Other times it doesn't anger me when people assume rather than asking what I'm doing/feeling, but it does tend to make me a bit sad. I'm aware that I think and behave very differently from most people... honestly, I'd think I would be an interesting person to get to know, and it's saddening when people clearly indicate they have no interest in finding out anything about me.

[vaguely dissatisfied]

I get irritated when people misperceive my natural tendency to want to observe for hesistation. I remember sitting on the beach eating my lunch one day when a very inquisitive puppy came up and started poking around my stuff. I was just watching what he was doing when the owner yelled out, "Don't be so terrified of him... he's just a puppy! Just push him away!" That got my goat. I did react badly to someone assuming I was afraid, as you did (and then later it occurred to me to be irritated that it was his responsibility to keep his dog in check, not mine).

Other times it doesn't anger me when people assume rather than asking what I'm doing/feeling, but it does tend to make me a bit sad. I'm aware that I think and behave very differently from most people... honestly, I'd think I would be an interesting person to get to know, and it's saddening when people clearly indicate they have no interest in finding out anything about me.
The trick is to learn how to not care what they think (I mean for real......not just bravado). It's hard and takes time, but well worth the effort.

[Max T]

This is one of those fascinating times when simply asking 'why, why, why' gets to the possible truth.
- why does your husband want to shock you.
- why does your husband want to appear tougher to his friends (as Tenacious B suggests).

I suspect that, quite unwittingly, your cool-headed actions and stoicness (not engaging small talk and attending parties) is likely positioning your husband in the mind of his friends as being somewhat weak- "the woman wears the trousers in that household" they mutter.

Perhaps realising that his masculinity is based on his friends perception of you and him, he exploits an opportunity to tell everyone "look- I was being manly in the garage and she was making my meal, when my wife saw the nail she fainted (being female) and what's more- I have the scar to prove all this. Therefore I am very masculine and more so than her".

If this positioning/ repositioning is the case, you could draw solace from the idea that he wasn't out to offend you, but rather to bolster his possibly fragile ego. I think our INTJ confidence can prove tiring to close ones.

Perhaps compliment what a man he is in the future (to address his need) and take some actions yourself that imply a strong woman to others, thereby addressing your need (to correct other's views).

(BTW most men have a lower tolerance for pain than women- that nail will have scarred him!).

[cda]

I agree with the other posters, it seems like your husband is floating his own ego at your expense... crap like that drives me absolutely nuts. I dunno, its probably not worth a big fight I'd be tempted to set him straight though ;)

[Haphazard]

A similar thing happened to me in highschool. A heavy weight fell on one of my fingers during a physics lab; hit right on the very tip, pinching it on the hard lab table. I became light headed and classmates said I turned white. My blood pressure obviously dropped quickly, but I didn't like others thinking (or possibly thinking) that I almost passed out from crushing a finger. It hurt, but wasn't too painful. I think it pinched a nerve or something like that.

I'm curious now. What causes this to happen?

Things that don't really hurt but nearly cause me to faint happen to me about once a week. It's very distressing.

[s23]

Max is onto something here. I agree that as INTJ women, we can be somewhat unrelenting in so many areas and as a spouse, that probably gets a little old.

However, you mention that in your perspective by telling people you 'almost fainted' your husband made you appear weak. Personally, I would not think much of a man who went around telling folks his wife almost fainted when he hammered a nail through his thumb and showed it to her or vice versa because that is just one person who is not honoring his/her spouse by trying to belittle the spouse. My mind would quickly move from how you perceived yourself as a result of him telling the story to why he was telling the story at all. Have you talked to him directly about it?

[vaguely dissatisfied]

I'm curious now. What causes this to happen?

Things that don't really hurt but nearly cause me to faint happen to me about once a week. It's very distressing.
There was one time when I almost fainted. I have been hurt relatively badly and never came close to fainting, but one time I came home to an ambulance in the yard and two attendants carrying my oldest daughter (16 at the time) out on a stretcher. Off to the hospital we went (she had just dislocated her knee). The doctor initially tried to put it back without drugs. She cried out in pain. He then gave her drugs and popped it back no problem. During this time I stood by her bed and comforted her. Once she was drugged and kinda out of it I began to feel lightheaded and nauseous. The doctor saw that I was going down and asked me if I was O.K. My mother (who had come with us) and a nurse immediately grabbed me and sat me on a nearby stool where I put my head between my knees and started to feel better. If they hadn't noticed, I'm sure I would have hit the floor.

I believe it was a combination of my sympathetic nervous system overloading and the sudden stress I felt when I saw the ambulance. I've been under a great deal of stress many times in my life and many of these occasions have involved one of my children being hurt. However, I have never been close to fainting. What made this time so different? The only thing I can think of is the combination of the things I already mentioned plus the fear in my mind of something life threatening.

Make sense?

[Haphazard]

I believe it was a combination of my sympathetic nervous system overloading and the sudden stress I felt when I saw the ambulance. I've been under a great deal of stress many times in my life and many of these occasions have involved one of my children being hurt. However, I have never been close to fainting. What made this time so different? The only thing I can think of is the combination of the things I already mentioned plus the fear in my mind of something life threatening.

Make sense?

Just reading that story made me feel faint. I couldn't get through the whole thing and skipped to this part. Could you try to explain it again...?

[vaguely dissatisfied]

Just reading that story made me feel faint. I couldn't get through the whole thing and skipped to this part. Could you try to explain it again...?
Sorry........I'll try to be more succinct.

I think it was a sympathetic nervous system response that was kicked into high gear because of:

1. The sudden, immediate shock of seeing the EMT's carrying her out to an ambulance.

2. The huge amount of stress caused by the fear that the worst had happened (like she was fatally injured).

[Darkmist]

I think it is the whole macho thing. I know for a fact that his coworkers belittle him for not wearing the pants and that this stemmed from a project we're working on that he ran out of steam on and I need to push through to the end. A house, my personal environment utterly disrupted for a long period of time, which drives me insane.

Anyway I took control, though I never wanted to, and his cowrokers pester him about it. (not that it's any of their freaking business, but they seem to think it is) A cycle likely. Belittle him so they feel big and he in turn belittles me to feel big . . .

I have spoken to him recently and I believe I've gotten through. What bugs me about what they think of me is that I am stuck being in their company at picnics etc and when I know I am disliked and made fun of, my tolerance for being in this situation drops. I want to be there less and less. I wouldn't care what anyone says or thinks if I never had to mingle with their false fronts. But I do. Office politics crap.

BTW, thanks for the input everyone.

[Nemesys]

NT's, particularly INT's, are very sensitive when it comes to being labeled as "incompetent". It sounds like your husband knows that he'll get traction when trying to equate fainting with some lack of competency on your part(incompetent to view gross displays? It's reaching, but "F" types can get desperate about these things). Why he would want to make you seem "incompetent" I can only guess, but if you'd like to take it up via PM I'd be happy to share my guesses.

As a INTJ myself, I'd have to recommend revenge as your only possible remedy to these kinds of attempts. April Fools Day is coming up soon... plenty of time for you to order a little "vampire blood", and maybe even pick up something special from your butcher...

[Darkmist]

Hahahahaha. I just might do that. He's ENTP though so the simple stuff won't work. I'll have to come up with something good and devious. Any suggestions?

Of course, then I'd probably start a tit for tat seesaw of practical jokes.

Incompetent is sort of true but most of all, I hate the lies. If I did not do something, don't tell others I did. And yes he has done this in the past, as a way to make it seem like I fit in with other women, I think. He'll tell people how long I take to get ready to go places when in fact, he takes longer and I am relatively quick. And so on. Maybe it's the E in him, this need to belong and he believes he won't if I am different than other women.