Patience Advice

[aexis]

I'm currently in the process of waiting for someone to contact me. This someone, obviously, is a girl I'm interested in. For once I'm putting my foot down and waiting for her to initiate contact. Usually I just go out there and do whatever I want, but I feel this approach might screw things up.

How do you lot deal with such a situation? It's only been 3 hours and it's driving me up the wall. It's possible that it's less because I really want to hear from them, and more because I am out of control of the situation. I don't know. Either way it's making me crazy.

[blueback]

That works. They're nice and squishy so you don't hurt your hand.

After that, go out and meet someone new. You have oneitis (won-eye-tis). It's a ailment common to INTJs because we approve of so few people. You can only feel good if this one girl approves of you, which puts you in a very weak position. Instead of waiting by the phone, go find someone new. If she never contacts you, you won't care. If she does contact you, you'll be barganing from a position of advantage.

[aexis]

Sadly, going out and finding someone new is neither probable (if the odds were that easy, we wouldn't be so picky) nor possible (I'm at work).

Although I do agree that it puts me in a weak position. I'd like to be able to say to hell with it, but my all-or-nothing tendencies make that a fairly bad idea.

[vaguely dissatisfied]

Contact her. This gives you some control over the situation and also means you'll find out that much sooner if she's interested or not.

[Jenny Penny]

Try to be patient and give it a little time. Trying to control others and situations is, unfortunately, a common trait among INTJs. This may sound trite, but, if it is meant to be, it will happen.

[Nausved]

Try to be patient and give it a little time. Trying to control others and situations is, unfortunately, a common trait among INTJs. This may sound trite, but, if it is meant to be, it will happen.

I mostly agree with this.

I cannot stand pushy guys, and I'll sometimes test their patience early on, just to get an idea of how much freedom they're willing to give me. If they make a big deal because I don't call them enough or somesuch, they're out. I need my space, and any guy I date has to respect that.