Is this a common INTJ problem?

[meaniehaha]

How much is it in your nature to forever notice or observe things amiss, things that need fixing, things out of whack, no matter the context?

If someone calls you up, all enthusiastic about something, do you beam back their enthusiasm to them or are you apt to point out things that in their enthusiam they've obviously overlooked? How often are you the voice of caution?

I don't think of myself as a negative person, and actually think I'm more on the happy go lucky side, happy with life in general, but I've been told, I'm a negative influence.
Sheesh, and this coming from people who don't think things through first.

[Haphazard]

It's nearly impossible for me to become enthusiastic about anything, honestly, so beaming back the enthusiastic is not an option.

I'm generally satisfied with life even though most don't think so (being shut in my room all the time, unable to engage in small talk, so many conversations end with me trying to figure out a way to get the other person to STOP TALKING, nothing personal).

I find that I need to correct anything I look at in writing if there are errors and can't just leave it be. Any obvious issues in anything get pointed out. Things like the logic in cartoons are always being critiqued. And I guess there's more.

[pavman]

Yeah, Enthusiasm is only good for ideas that I really believe in...

Lately I've been fairly un-enthusiastic, less when one or two friends come to visit. Otherwise, my life is total boredom at its finest.

As for correcting, I'm usually analyzing when talking with someone on the phone. I do tend to notice things that are messed up/out of place/off, but I rarely fix them if its not my place to do so...like @ a friend's house.

[Richard0612]

I feel similar, in that I rarely get enthusiastic and always seem to be saying 'is that such a good idea, what about if this happens...'. If someone's gabbling on about their girlfriend/boyfriend and how everything is so wonderful and how they're going to get married I am nearly always the one to bring them back down to earth! I don't intend to hurt people, it's just my perfectionist nature! I have earned the title [jokingly from my friends] 'Dementor' for this way of thinking! As for noticing things that are out of place, such as a missing apostrophe on signs, that really bugs me, and I often feel as if I want to climb up and change it!

[Haphazard]

I have earned the title [jokingly from my friends] 'Dementor' for this way of thinking! As for noticing things that are out of place, such as a missing apostrophe on signs, that really bugs me, and I often feel as if I want to climb up and change it!

Ah, I ended up with the title of Devil's Advocate because I'm always arguing the opposite side, and I drive a forceful point. It's likely these tendencies acting up.

But 'Dementor'? Really?

[vaguely dissatisfied]

The glass is definately half empty over here.

[rwyatt365]

How much is it in your nature to forever notice or observe things amiss, things that need fixing, things out of whack, no matter the context?

If someone calls you up, all enthusiastic about something, do you beam back their enthusiasm to them or are you apt to point out things that in their enthusiam they've obviously overlooked? How often are you the voice of caution?

I don't think of myself as a negative person, and actually think I'm more on the happy go lucky side, happy with life in general, but I've been told, I'm a negative influence.

Sheesh, and this coming from people who don't think things through first.
If I were any indicator, yes, this is a part of the INTJ-way. I see it as a good thing, to see the pro’s and con’s of something and evaluate it in it’s entirety – rather than to be blinded by the shiny glitter of a new idea.

Of course others see this as being negative, or mean, or some other appellation. I don’t even see doing this as being the “voice of caution”, but rather the “voice of reason”.

[Richard0612]

But 'Dementor'? Really?

Yep, but only jokingly, the few people who have called me that never really meant that I sucked the life force out of all around me! :p How do I know? I asked. You can't get more 'to-the-point' than that!

[Uytuun]

Sounds like me, always trying to spot the flaws and then improve things. When someone gets totally enthusiastic about something, I automatically go "Yes, but..." Probably has something to do with the contingency thing, seeing how something could possibly go awry in the future, not living the moment etc.

As for enthusiasm...I'm content, hardly ever superhappy or supersad.

[Homini Lupus]

I often let others go to hell the way they prefer and keep my counsel, since they generally wouldn't hear me and i I don't like the "i told you so" attitude.
If I trust somebody I sometimes use the "irony" method. This means I sort out the errors I perceive and help the other find the solution; people likes to think they managed to solve their problems by themselves. It is also a good idea to correct people privately rather than in public.

Enthusiasm... I try to cultivate it when I have some duty to attend; sometimes it works.

Negative influence? Negating what is wrong is the first step towards knowledge and better achievements; if they treat you like a Cassandra, it's their problem.

[INTJoe]

Ah, I ended up with the title of Devil's Advocate because I'm always arguing the opposite side,

I wouldn't say I always argue the opposite side.

I argue for whatever I believe is correct. It could likely be the proponent's side, or the opposite side. If it's the proponent's side, then I'll add my thoughts to reinforce their findings. If not, then I'll likely come off as a huge downer, raining on their parade.

"You're no fun!" is a comment often heard. Yeah, but I've got my shit together and I sleep easy at night.

[Haphazard]

I wouldn't say I always argue the opposite side.

I argue for whatever I believe is correct. It could likely be the proponent's side, or the opposite side. If it's the proponent's side, then I'll add my thoughts to reinforce their findings. If not, then I'll likely come off as a huge downer, raining on their parade.

"You're no fun!" is a comment often heard. Yeah, but I've got my shit together and I sleep easy at night.

Perhaps I say 'opposite side' because I'm usually on the opposite side. It's hard to get me to agree with anything.

You're no fun is very common for me, too.

[meaniehaha]

Wow, thanks for all the responses.

"You're no fun!" is a comment often heard. Yeah, but I've got my shit together and I sleep easy at night.

LOL, yep!

I feel better after hearing some of you say you, too, are the voice of reason. Now I'm going to take this info back, and dump it on some impulsive family members who seem to think I'm so negative when the truth is they're so impulsive they don't think things through first.

The world just doesn't appreciate INTJs enough!

[Agile]

The world just doesn't appreciate INTJs enough!

They sure don't. ;)

Being the voice of reason could be why we have such bad reputations in the social arena. If there was some sound logic to the practice of spinning the truth in order to add to the vibe or just not take away from it, maybe the other types could get more of us on board. Ditto to being part of the 'no fun' crowd.

[acyckowski]

The glass is definately half empty over here.

I hate to be the one to point out, but the glass is filled with approximately equal volumes of liquid and gas.

Seems to me I'm the most optimistic cynic I know. My outlook is generally positive, but reality is what it is, regardless of what I want it to be.

[PortInStorm]

"You're no fun!" is a comment often heard. Yeah, but I've got my shit together and I sleep easy at night.

Man, if only I could fit that on a bumper sticker.... classic

But I've come to the conclusion that many people love the drama, conflict and upheaval. If it didn't work for them, they'd get their act together as well. My problem is that they call me in their crisis and/or expect a hand. "I'm sorry, you want ME, the non-fun one, to help you?" And of course that brings up all kinds of conflict. Is it more ethical to let them learn from their mistakes, or help them?





2ndtimestudent added to this post, 1 minutes and 4 seconds later...

Wow, thanks for all the responses.



LOL, yep!

I feel better after hearing some of you say you, too, are the voice of reason. Now I'm going to take this info back, and dump it on some impulsive family members who seem to think I'm so negative when the truth is they're so impulsive they don't think things through first.

The world just doesn't appreciate INTJs enough!
Lemme guess- they're all SPs?

[Jenny Penny]

Generally, I just like to make an excuse and leave the situation so I don't have to get into why their enthusiasm is misguided. It takes far too much emotional effort on my part to feign mirrored enthusiasm, but I know it is not supportive for me to rain on their parade, either.

[Aurelia]

It's most definitely in my nature to solve problems and recognize when things are amiss. It doesn't help that INTJs tend to be perfectionists. I don't think of our attitude as being negative but more realistic when it comes to looking at situations. For instance, a good friend of mine (ENFP) was excited about getting married. I expressed concerns over her fiance as they had only dated for two weeks (he actually came from another country for vacation), he couldn't speak English, he had a child from another woman and there were indications that he might become verbally abusive towards her. This information led me to believe this guy just wanted her for a green card. Knowing how impulsive my friend tends to be when it comes to relationships, I expressed these concerns because I didn't want to see her get hurt.

We didn't speak for nearly a year after having that conversation. Thinkers tend to deal with facts rather emotions. Feelers want to hear the warm and fuzzy sort of stuff. If I were to ever ask her for advice she'd say, "Do what makes you FEEL happy." :irked: When was the last time you ever advised someone to do what makes them feel happy without looking at any other factors?

She ended up marrying the fellow and divorcing him shortly thereafter. All of my suspicions came out to be true. Different personality types have different ways of approaching situations.

[Lagawrd]

Giving back enthusiasm? I do that, however most of the time I never mean it. I beam it back because I have gotten used to showing affection to others. Doing this repeatedly in a conversation drains alot of energy however. I then stop and try to walk away by nodding endlessly without commenting back. If it was a phone call, I would try to hang up. Doing this more often will perfect my skill in acting causing me to remain good with people.

If I notice anything wrong within detail or something that does not fit my vision, I will fix it step by step. I try as much as I can not to have anything out of place like a pen on the floor rather than on the desk or in my pocket.

I am generally positive, I use this to keep me motivated. I am negative only when I am trying to deduce something or trying to test 'the plan'.

[cda]

Get used to it :( Im constantly told I"m a negative person but at the same time, if someone states 'x problem' I'll tell them exactly what they need to do to be a happier person.

Its the whole thing of not BSing people with a shoulder to cry on routine as to why you feel that way, pay no mind to it.

[meaniehaha]

Originally posted by secondtimestudent:Lemme guess- they're all SPs?

Bingo!

Problem: They're struggling to pay back not only the mortgage, but also friends, and other family members.
Solution: Let's try to have a baby.

And I'm supposed to be ecstatic about it. :stunned:
Of all the harebrained....

[Parallel]

I've actually always been one of those INTJs that was so obliviously easygoing that I got almost overexcited for anything but looking back on it, I don't think it was real excitement just overall happiness with life. But now that I'm older, it takes a lot to get me really excited about anything. I think it stems from the fact that frivolous things aren't really that amazing to INTJs since INTJs need almost everything to make reasonable sense

[Fergie]

How much is it in your nature to forever notice or observe things amiss, things that need fixing, things out of whack, no matter the context?

If someone calls you up, all enthusiastic about something, do you beam back their enthusiasm to them or are you apt to point out things that in their enthusiam they've obviously overlooked? How often are you the voice of caution?
All. The. Time.

I'll be driving down the road at 70 mph and interrupt people in full monologue to tell them that a billboard is using the wrong form of a possessive and just how much it annoys me. Or even better, correct their grammar as they speak. (Dude, for the love of God, irregardless isn't a word!)

I have some friends who appreciate my troubleshooting attitude, but have also had many other who were upset by it. I don't usually blow sunshine unless I'm engaging the 'smile filter' for the really simple folks who wouldn't understand me anyway.

[DeadSpace]

lol, all the time...i don't really mean to rain on their parade...but i feel the practical sides must be looked at >.> from all angles <.< and note taken of possible pitfalls in the grand scheme -.-
i am on occasion able to stop myself...and just smile and nod.

[nightengale]

haha yes, INTJs should never give people relationship advice. I had a similar experience when my ESFP friend started dating this guy. SOOO many red flags about him, I just couldn't help but point them out. She got mad and never talked to me about him again. They broke up two weeks later. ha.

I agree that the big question should be: What is the better option: tell them the truth and point out the facts (even if it will "rain on their parade") or let them learn the hard way? And if we are to let them learn the hard way, how can we pretend to be happy for them when in all actuality, we are deceiving them of our true thoughts?

I feel that people tell me their plans (for a relationship, direction in life, etc) to sort of run it by me. If I am enthusiastic about their plans, then I'm giving them the okay.

People just want you to empathize and listen to their problems, but I can't help but give them solutions most of the time. Thus, I strive for a "win-win" situation where I manipulate them into thinking about the problems with their plan, without me pointing them out :)

[Homini Lupus]

People wants to learn the hard way. Sometimes it's the one wich pays the most, sometimes this ruins your life.

Me? I value the situation and take my chances. Otherwise I would be always paying opportunity costs for not trying.

[SeaCzar]

haha yes, INTJs should never give people relationship advice. I had a similar experience when my ESFP friend started dating this guy. SOOO many red flags about him, I just couldn't help but point them out. She got mad and never talked to me about him again. They broke up two weeks later. ha.

I agree that the big question should be: What is the better option: tell them the truth and point out the facts (even if it will "rain on their parade") or let them learn the hard way? And if we are to let them learn the hard way, how can we pretend to be happy for them when in all actuality, we are deceiving them of our true thoughts?

I feel that people tell me their plans (for a relationship, direction in life, etc) to sort of run it by me. If I am enthusiastic about their plans, then I'm giving them the okay.

People just want you to empathize and listen to their problems, but I can't help but give them solutions most of the time. Thus, I strive for a "win-win" situation where I manipulate them into thinking about the problems with their plan, without me pointing them out :)

You can lead a horse to water, but you can't make him think!!!

Having been there, done that, I never give others relationship advise. Reason and emotion do not mix.

I am pretty much with the others here observing things amiss (crooked wall hangings make me nuts!!). I guess I am the grammar Nazi too.

[ArchonAlarion]

I'm a contradictarian, often siding with the opposition, because I hate when everyone sits around and agrees.

I'm really critical too. I'm fond of ripping apart ideas, movies, or new fads like myspace.

I hate myspace.

[Witchyamelia]

I am often accused of being tense...yet I don't really deflate enthusiasm, but my friends and co-workers can always count on me to see things from a different point of view. The only thing that gets an immediate response from me is blatant disregard for fairness...especially in the workplace. If I see that....I tend to go on the warpath.

[Blaze2000]

This is a pretty interesting thread. I'm pretty skeptical and cynical for that matter, so it can be tough to be supportive and enthusiastic about other peoples stuff. I find myself only looking at the negative side of things and the holes in their plans. I also have trouble just listening to others who only want to get something off their chest. I usually try to solve their problems instead of just listening. This irritates my my wife to no end.

With friends and family I actively try to hold my tounge and be as positive as I can in these situations(unless they are serious issues and need real feedback). No body really wants to hang out with someone that is always a downer.