How do you unwind when you're in a forced social situ?

[asongforgrace]

So, I was thinking, what's your technique for having alone time/ chilling out when you're in a forced social situation? Or even not necessarily social but, school, university, work, etc, where there aren't necessarily any designated 'introvert' rooms where we can go de-anxiety-fy ourselves.
Do you have somewhere you always go to be alone for a few minutes, or do you just get through the day then collapse when you get home?

[BlackHawk]

I go to a quiet corner of the Student Union and look as boring as possible while relaxing with a good book.
The key is to look boring. ExFx types will avoid you like the plague.
Interesting sidenote, though, I actually have met some interesting people while doing this, mostly other introverts that have the same technique.

[blueback]

You could go driving/bike riding.

If you have a maleable roommate you can train them to leave you alone.

There are usually places that no one goes, especially after hours. If you can get the keys to a place that's locked (an A/V room for example) you can go there. You can even be alone with people around by simply putting a slightly bothered expression on your face and ignoring everyone.

A last resort is the bathroom.

[pavman]

I agree with all of the previous posts.

As for when you are in a social situation and just don't want to deal with it...do as I do when at the grocery store... zone out. Glassy far-away eyes, blank expression, and speak in monotone. I guarantee people won't talk to you much. Just don't get so zoned out that you don't notice they're over-charging you for grapes! (or to miss out on juicy conversation while at a party ;)

[Colette]

So, I was thinking, what's your technique for having alone time/ chilling out when you're in a forced social situation? Or even not necessarily social but, school, university, work, etc, where there aren't necessarily any designated 'introvert' rooms where we can go de-anxiety-fy ourselves.
Do you have somewhere you always go to be alone for a few minutes, or do you just get through the day then collapse when you get home?

Work is probably my most "socially intensive" place at the moment, as I keep my evenings fairly quiet, generally.

To de-stress and get away from people, I have frequent outdoor breaks during the day (usually every 1.5 to 2 hours), and go and sit in a park or garden for 10 minutes; sometimes with a cup of coffee. I am a very 'outdoors' person too, so I actually find I need this outdoor time to maintain my sanity during the working day.

[PortInStorm]

I look for an empty hallway with good Wi-Fi, then sit on the floor- anything for some peace. Give me a Tim Horton's tea, and I'm good to go. If the room's not being used, I use my advisor's experiment room downstairs.

I also love a little meditation room my university has. Don't meditate, but I do love the quiet and stillness. Like Colette says, outside is always good in the mild months, sitting on the grass, although a comp screen gets hard to see then, but it's worth it.

[Antares]

Well, I grab a couch and hide my face behind my Latin book. "What are you doing?" "Studying Latin." The other person leaves.

[Haphazard]

Am I the only one here who is actively ignored even in social places?

If I don't say anything, I think I may have trained those around me not to say anything to me.

[Lucid]

One of the most socially intensive things I ever did was take a 2 week trip to europe with a really good friend of mine. We were together constantly, and usually in close proximity. When we had hotels (about a 4th of the time) we shared a room. But usually we stayed with friends, in which case we shared a bed. Not to mention all the time spent sitting squished together on planes, trains and in automobiles. Oh, and two nights spent sleeping on the floor of the Frankfurt airport. We didn't want to stray far from one another in that situation.

It helped that she and I are such close friends, but to get some space from one another we'd sometimes just have to retreat into our own heads. Books and mp3 players helped too.

[AgentofGaming]

Do you have somewhere you always go to be alone for a few minutes, or do you just get through the day then collapse when you get home?
Exactly.

Of course when that isn't an option I just find something like newspaper, textbooks or thoughts to focus on and the world around me while practically disappear.

That or I'll just go around thinking people are part of the background environment, but that's a bit harder.

[NeonTetra]

I think that I've built up enough prior social good behavior points that people actually leave me alone when I ask them to and don't get mad at me. I'm generally not an unsocial person, but when I'm a forced social situation (how is that possible?!?!?) I'll just say that I'm not feeling very social and that I can't always be :idea: and people generally leave me be. If that doesn't work then I find a quiet corner and close off my body language so people won't approach. Better yet, I don't go out when I'm feeling particularly unsocial.

I go to a quiet corner of the Student Union and look as boring as possible while relaxing with a good book.
The key is to look boring. ExFx types will avoid you like the plague.
Interesting sidenote, though, I actually have met some interesting people while doing this, mostly other introverts that have the same technique.

No, we'll just go up to you because you look lonely and in need of a friend. That technique isn't a closely guarded secret, ya know. ;)

One of the most socially intensive things I ever did was take a 2 week trip to europe with a really good friend of mine. We were together constantly, and usually in close proximity. When we had hotels (about a 4th of the time) we shared a room. But usually we stayed with friends, in which case we shared a bed. Not to mention all the time spent sitting squished together on planes, trains and in automobiles. Oh, and two nights spent sleeping on the floor of the Frankfurt airport. We didn't want to stray far from one another in that situation.

It helped that she and I are such close friends, but to get some space from one another we'd sometimes just have to retreat into our own heads. Books and mp3 players helped too.

It's socially intensive for anyone to be in someone else's unrelenting presence on a trip. I did that with one of my good friends and it was trying towards the end. Thank goodness we felt comfortable with each other enough to say when we needed some space so we wouldn't smother each other while we slept.

[quest ion]

I either visit the library if it's still early, or I'll spend time alone in my room reading. I have to do either of these before I end the day.

[Dreamer]

In an academic setting, you can usually find a nice quiet spot in the library,or in a computer lab or something. If you're forced into something like a camping trip, I just meditate or pretend to, and people usually leave me alone. Book is good.

[Double Victory]

I scheduled all of my classes back to back, so I don't really have the time to find a place to be by myself for a while. I use school days to practice being social, anyways. And when I get home (usually about 2:00pm) I just shut myself off in my room for the rest of the night (excluding dinner).

Just spending the day with someone isn't enough to make me really anxious or worn out. Things like that tend to happen more when I spend all weekend doing things with people. So I usually try to make sure I have at least one day a week where I don't have anything to do, and one day where I can get things done, but they're one-man activities (like working/homework/errands), and then a couple hours of me-time for every other day. If I don't have me-time, I'll cut into my sleeping hours for it.

[Roy G Biv]

It depends on the social situation (I assume we're talking about the ones we don't seek ourselves, but those that are forced upon us); I have a few escape methods.

At brutal family gatherings, I'll find a quiet room, hopefully with bookcases or photo albums. Usually there are enough people around that my absence isn't missed for a while.

At parties, my INTP and I have a code word or phrase. One person might say, "I've been craving lobster lately," and the other person knows it's time to find the coats.

When I am in a social situation at work (e.g., "forced fun"), I might retreat into my head and actively daydream. If it wouldn't be perceived as rude, I'll read.

In loud situations outside my control (work environment), or in situations where I am thrown together with a chatty cathy (airplanes), I rely on headphones and loud music.

[curiousjane]

Give me a Tim Horton's tea, and I'm good to go.

I *heart* Timmy's ice caps! This one of the bad things about being an American. No Tim Horton's. :thumbsdown:

As for unwinding ...

Right now, I am reading Pride & Prejudice. Curling up on the couch and zoning out is my ideal way to avoid the world. For a little change-up, I will go to a park with some great music to listen to and a blank composition book, to write down whatever comes to mind.

Sometimes, I just like to go to sleep.

I've been feeling very introverted lately, so I drive straight home from work, get on my laptop, check this forum and my e-mail, watch a little tv, and then flip through a magazine or do some cleaning. (I'm weird. I like the smell of Lemon Pledge.)

[ElstonGunn]

I *heart* Timmy's ice caps! This one of the bad things about being an American. No Tim Horton's. :thumbsdown:

What? There's like a billion of them around here. You must live in one of them loser states. You probably can't get a decent chicken wing or loganberry, either, can you?

[curiousjane]

Yeah. Loser states. The only state I knew of that had one was Ohio, I think? Maybe New York/New England states?

You can't make me reveal my location, though. I've only eliminated a few!

What's a loganberry? But who doesn't have chicken wings? I can't think of a single state I've lived where there weren't chicken wings? (And I've lived in quite a few in my time.)

Also ... another thing I do to relax ... art. (Must. Stay. On. Topic.)

[Lynne]

How do you unwind when you're in a forced social situ?

I'm not sure but when I was in the elevator at work today I fantasized about pushing the stop bottom so I could sit in there all nice and quiet. Elevators are peaceful places when no one else is in there.

[ElstonGunn]

Yeah. Loser states. The only state I knew of that had one was Ohio, I think? Maybe New York/New England states?

You can't make me reveal my location, though. I've only eliminated a few!

What's a loganberry? But who doesn't have chicken wings? I can't think of a single state I've lived where there weren't chicken wings? (And I've lived in quite a few in my time.)

Also ... another thing I do to relax ... art. (Must. Stay. On. Topic.)

Yeah, New York has them, especially when you're only about 20 miles from Canada.

And I didn't say you can't get wings elsewhere. I'm just saying that whatever they're serving you could hardly be called wings. It's nearly impossible to get real wings anywhere other than around here.

Loganberry is a non-carbonated soft drink/nectar of the gods that is practically unheard of outside of the Western New York/Southern Ontario area.


When I want to relax, I belittle the culinary options of regions that I don't live in.

[curiousjane]

Yeah, New York has them, especially when you're only about 20 miles from Canada.

And I didn't say you can't get wings elsewhere. I'm just saying that whatever they're serving you could hardly be called wings. It's nearly impossible to get real wings anywhere other than around here.

Loganberry is a non-carbonated soft drink/nectar of the gods that is practically unheard of outside of the Western New York/Southern Ontario area.


When I want to relax, I belittle the culinary options of regions that I don't live in.

Nice. :)

When I'm not being belittled, I relax at Panera's with my laptop and a chocolate brownie slice.

[rwyatt365]

I go outside and kick puppies. J/K!! Sheesh!

[WyohKnott]

I can usually just sort of zone out, and ignore everything around me, for as long as I need to. People almost never bother me when I do that - I was recently told by a friend that I look like I might bite someone's head off if he dared to speak to me. That's without even trying to look scary, too.

So, the only time I really have that problem is when I'm just with my immediate family, none of whom find me remotely scary, nor do they understand my need for space/time alone. It can be very frustrating...

[echoi]

Headphones + pissed off face = win

no one bothers me on campus. if at work or something similar however, i try to get people to understand my needs, and not be a total dick about it.

[volk]

At work we are mostly introverts in our department (systems development), however during lunch breaks or coffee pauses I'm forced to come in contact with the selling department (these are real bastards). Sometimes I can go into my sensing mode for short periods of time and just say a lot of bullshit based on my sensory input (what I hear or see..) without thinking much. It seems to me that this is the only way to get along with these people. It's actually a useful skill to master. Usually it just works for very short periods of time though. I tried applying it when meeting someone new and it sure helps to leave a good first impression. Of course next time they see me they discover how introverted I am and are not so interested any more :P

[AutisticCuckoo]

Am I the only one here who is actively ignored even in social places?

No, that's what happens to me, too. I guess I don't appear approachable.

I'm not comfortable in large crowds, since I feel that everything becomes too superficial. I prefer one-on-ones or maybe very small groups, where everyone can participate in the same discussion.

[Jane]

I'm not comfortable in large crowds, since I feel that everything becomes too superficial. I prefer one-on-ones or maybe very small groups, where everyone can participate in the same discussion.

Ironically, I prefer large groups where I can just melt into it and be left to my own devices. My most prefered group is a bunch of ENFJs together (I love them). I could just chip in a sentence once in a while-- not looking left out and not putting on my social mask.

I can NEVER carry on a one-on-one conversation comfortably, not with any type of persons (definitely never INTJs). 3 is my most comfortable but just make sure that I'm not the one who's got the most 'personality' there so there's no need for me to hold up the conversation.

When I'm in a forced situation, I take out my cellphone and pretend to be absorbed in some game. Headphones would make it too obvious that I'm keeping people out.

(I try to look approachable to people, and I succeed, but that's where the trouble comes in).

[AutisticCuckoo]

Ironically, I prefer large groups where I can just melt into it and be left to my own devices.
Okay, I can see how that could be a working strategy. I doubt that it'd work for me, though. I'd feel ostracized and unwanted, and would rather leave.

I can NEVER carry on a one-on-one conversation comfortably, not with any type of persons (definitely never INTJs).
One-on-one is what I prefer, when both parties is solely focused on the other. Even if my interlocutor is the social, superficial type they don't get distracted by someone else and have to care about pleasing them (something I'm largely unable to do).

Talking to two or three others is also fine. The group is still small enough to focus on, and I get the chance to withdraw occasionally and listen to the dialogue between the others, giving me time to think.

I've noticed that some people behave extremely different when there are others around, compared to a one-on-one situation. A female co-worker is a good example: when the two of us are talking in private she is very relaxed and we can discuss virtually anything. In a group – even if there's just one more person – she seems superficial and tense, more worried about what everyone thinks of her than anything else.

[ElstonGunn]

The larger the group of people is, the less I talk. I don't see a reason to say anything if the conversation is running smoothly without my input. When I'm with one friend, I can talk quite a bit. When I'm with four or five, I still make the occasional comment. When I was in school, I went through the vast majority of my classes without opening my mouth unless I was yawning. Of course, situational comfort levels also play a large part in how much I say.

[volk]

Am I the only one here who is actively ignored even in social places?


Same applies to me in many places. If it gets annoying I just try to find a better place to hang out in. There is somehow always hope in me that I can actually learn to fit in smoothly into any "ordinary" social situation. I believe that anything can be learned if you try hard enough, but I guess it becomes harder and harder to change the foundation the bigger house you build on it.

[ShadowX26]

I will walk into the bathroom and let out a sigh of relief as soon as the door closes behind me.

[True Rune]

I remove myself from the area, but I don't have to deal with this often.

[Learning]

So, I was thinking, what's your technique for having alone time/ chilling out when you're in a forced social situation? Or even not necessarily social but, school, university, work, etc, where there aren't necessarily any designated 'introvert' rooms where we can go de-anxiety-fy ourselves.
Do you have somewhere you always go to be alone for a few minutes, or do you just get through the day then collapse when you get home?

Most situations are pretty bearable, but when I need to relax a little I just remember to smile and breathe (calmly or deeply- whatever works best), and if I'm really feeling uncomfortable I try to step out for a few minutes to get some fresh air when it's appropriate.

[Lupin]

Slightly embarassed to say that I will happily wander off into other rooms, passages, courtyards for a few minutes.....just to get away from the noise and rambling chatter in forced social situations where there's no real objective for the gathering (e.g. after work or end of event cocktails). Biggest problems are boredom, trying to manage interactions with so many people at the same time and generally questioning why I'm there.... Often feel very uncomfortable and have already worked out my exit strategy mid-glass. But, despite this, I do attend as it would be seen as inappropriate not to.....roll on autonomous working and self-employment where I hope to experience healthier situations :)

[LionsPride]

Wow, those last 6 posts feel like you read my mind. I should print them and hand them to friends and family saying "This is why I don't jump at the chance to go to a party!"

How do I get through these sorts of things? If it's a social event, where I don't have a specific purpose to be there and I didn't have a week's notice to visualize myself at the party, I'm screwed. I'm planning my out before I even get there.To try and de-stress, I spend a lot of time thoroughly analyzing the decor and avoid making eye contact with anyone. If I'm lucky, I'll overhear a semi intelligent conversation that I might join or at least listen to while I kill time.

[augustus]

Forced social situations are tough but its not something that anyone has to deal with a lot I don't think.

I remember a couple of parties I attended a long time ago where I virtually knew no one and it was really tough.

Nowadays I simply only attend things I have fun with.

One thing that helps me a lot is to have hobbies you can talk about. I usually have something to say when it comes to classical music, politics, business, technology,investment, chess and so on. So I try to bring up a topic I am comfortable with and go from there.

If nothing works I simply ask some questions. People like to talk about themselves and you learn something new.

[AutisticCuckoo]

Biggest problems are boredom, trying to manage interactions with so many people at the same time and generally questioning why I'm there....
That's so similar to how I feel that it's almost spooky! :)

[Lupin]

Well then AutisticCuckoo, at least we are on the same page so take courage! You are not alone!! Not always successful with my approaches, I often steel myself to attend these things in order to appear like 'one of them'.

Best bets:
Give yourself a respectable time limit (i.e. if it's a work thing and starts at 6.30, be gone by 9.00 - pretty normal - no suspicions - your going to eat with friends etc (lie if you have to but don't make it look as if you have something better to do than be with 'them').

Identify who's going to be there in advance and, (lucky no.3), find 3 people to speak to about 3 different topics that you enjoy but which aren't too off the planet for the 'other types' out there. (People like to compare investments i.e. finance; also trips away i.e latest holiday; their kids i.e. use what you know about them to ask THEM questions!!!!)

Who do people like to talk about?.......uh huh.....themselves!!! Give them all an ego trip and get the hell out of there :) They'll remember you as that nice bloke/girl who chatted away to them about something interesting.....something interesting to them!

Intersperse your short evening with trips to the bar, offer to get drinks for people (uses time away from them and isn't suspicious), pop off to the bathroom, admire the artwork, have a chat to the waiting staff/barman.......the list is actually endless. The worst is, as we progress in our careers *shudders* THE SIT-DOWN DINNER PARTY with work colleagues *starts to look faint*. But we can tackle that one another day..........

p.s. I remember once when I was about 20, having spent a couple of hours at a party, I was so bored, felt so out of place that I took myself off for a 30 minute drive before coming back thoroughly refreshed having had some 'me time' moving in an open space. To most that would be bizarre but to me it was a safety-valve!!! Think on....you're definitely not alone.

[AutisticCuckoo]

Who do people like to talk about?.......uh huh.....themselves!!! Give them all an ego trip and get the hell out of there :) They'll remember you as that nice bloke/girl who chatted away to them about something interesting.....something interesting to them!
Good idea. I'll make sure to try that one the next I find myself in that sort of situation. :)

[SiMey]

"Am I the only one here who is actively ignored even in social places?

If I don't say anything, I think I may have trained those around me not to say anything to me."

Yep I've definitely trained people not to talk to me and can just walk into a room of strangers and somehow give off this vibe, even when I'm attempting to be extroverted and make huge efforts to be chatty.

So essentially if I need to chill, I turn invisible and leave for a while and then come back later. No one notices my absence and it allows me to commit crimes and have an alibi, um, if anyone can vouch that I was actually present at all.