View Full Version : Improving ourselves
Max T
10-07-2007, 05:56 AM
Upon initially contributing to this forum, my concern was that it might exacerbate INTJ's negative tendencies (detachment, coldness, tactless, uncommunicative etc.) by legitimising them.
But the opposite has occurred- the 'therapy effect' of discussing INTJ traits has helped me come to terms with my own. *Surely you identify with this.
The intention of this post is to build on this effect by explicitly stating how we might improve ourselves (either to the wider world or internally).
Imagine you're talking to an INTJ you care deeply about and who will soon become an adult.
What would be your words of wisdom for them to succeed and have a fulfilling life?
To start the ball rolling:
Whenever dealing with other people, always consider their perspective (i.e. develop your Feeling side).
INTJohn
10-07-2007, 06:22 AM
Encourage them! My daughter is an INTJ and Keirsey's book has alot of info in it on how to constructively "raise' an INTJ - once they get thier feet under them; they will develope their own way & Life..........
..........it comes NATURALLY to them.
Me - for instance, I was raised in foster homes - no family influences and bias to spend half my life undoing- once I figured out (at about 14) how to get everyone to leave me the FUCK ALONE!!!!!!!!!!;
I was free to build my life the way I wanted to -
........and I have done it. MY WAY!!!!!!!!!!!
(for what its worth)
INTJohn
As in what words of wisedom I tell myself? ;D Fun!
Don't plan too far ahead is something I remind myself constantly, be spontaneous once in a while. Otherwise, it'll just screw you over when it doesn't work out. It's okay to be irresponsible... maybe once a month ;) Munch on chocolate bars for lunch!
Learn to loosen up (you are your own worst critic), it makes social situations smoother, which in turn helps your career path.
Understand that those around you probably need more attention/support than you ever will; so be generous and ready to give them attention/support to them when they need it because you're probably the one most able to.
biased
10-07-2007, 12:26 PM
Stop hesitating and just go for it.
Firebert
10-07-2007, 11:28 PM
There are an infinite amount of angles to look at one situation from, just nut up and go for it.
rwyatt365
10-08-2007, 05:29 AM
Words of wisdom? Hmmmm…
Don’t run while holding scissors. No, wait… :-[
Remember, no one cares it you're right.
Someone somewhere loves you and everything about you, take your time finding them.
Yes, you are smarter.
No, you're only different – they can't appreciate that.
Anyone that insists that you change doesn’t respect you. Ask what are they willing to sacrifice for you.
Anyone that insists that you change doesn’t respect you.
I figured that one out at 15...but it depends on what the person needs to change, and if it's for the right reasons.
Anyone that doesn't observe that a person needs a change, doesn't respect you either. A change should be based on how YOU feel about yourself, and if it's worth it. After all you're the one who has to live with it.
rwyatt365
10-08-2007, 09:19 AM
Anyone that insists that you change doesn’t respect you.
I figured that one out at 15...but it depends on what the person needs to change, and if it's for the right reasons.
Anyone that doesn't observe that a person needs a change, doesn't respect you either. A change should be based on how YOU feel about yourself, and if it's worth it. After all you're the one who has to live with it.
I agree. Change is sometimes warranted and those that can point out the necessity for change could be attempting to help. What toasts my cookies is when someone says, "You HAVE TO change". That's when my stubborn, obstinate nature comes in and I dig in my heels. My immediate reaction is; I don't HAVE to do anything for anyone!
Ask me, and I will consider the request. Demand something and you have just ensured that you will never get your demand - at least not from me.
.... "You HAVE TO change". That's when my stubborn, obstinate nature comes in and I dig in my heels. My immediate reaction is; I don't HAVE to do anything for anyone!
Ask me, and I will consider the request. Demand something and you have just ensured that you will never get your demand - at least not from me.
Exacty!
Max T
10-10-2007, 02:19 AM
INTJs are generally considered to seek competence in everything we do, including improving overall. *
So I was expecting plenty of contributions to this thread but it is hardly a torrent (maybe quality of advice over quantity matters? the other contributions are very good).
Guess my meandering starting post didn't help. :-X
What would be your words of wisdom for INTJs in general to succeed and have a fulfilling life?
Here's a few more:
Occasionally you will be tactless and insensitive to others. * When you recognise this, always acknowledge to the recipient the error of your ways, regardless of it coming a month later. * If even you spotted your tactlessness, some will have felt a hammer blow. * For say 80+% of the population, 'emotional bank accounts' matter hugely.
Quickly identify the very few politically/ socially savvy types that want to repress you. * They'll run rings around you behind your back and make progress difficult. * Put a lot of distance between them.
Promote yourself more- everyone else does and, perhaps unreasonably, many in the world only listen to the loudest voices.
INTJs are known for their discipline, creativity and planning skills- crucial qualities for reaching personal goals. * Nothing is impossible for you. *
I think the problem is that we learn things unconciously, so when we have to regurgitate for someone else it's difficult. Even if we remember, it's difficult to put into words.
There are many things I've learned through the years, and altered myself minutely each time I learn that I don't remember exactly what it was that was changed... I simply know that I've improved.
jeffersonian
10-10-2007, 01:23 PM
Words of wisdom:
1. You are not smarter. The system just happens to be one that plays to your strengths. What does that mean for others?
2. Accept yourself as an INTJ. The root of your weaknesses also gives rise to your stengths. Learn to harness that dynamic.
3. Your thinking will reveal unpleasant truths. Those will bring maturity.
4. Maturity will be a prerequisite for you to relate to the world and the people in it. Don't rush it.
qwerty
10-10-2007, 02:39 PM
Best advice I can give is look at the problem from someone elses shoes. Failing anyone elses shows take a step back from the complexity and look at it from a different level.
The second and my favorite is never stop asking questions. Even when people get you down, never stop. When people disagree with you, never stop. When you stop asking questions it means you think you know everything, never stop asking questions!
Epicurus
10-12-2007, 10:16 AM
I would say read read Epictetus Enchiridion and live after it or see it as the ultimate lifestyle atleast...and maybe read some epicurus and other stoics.
Evalind
10-12-2007, 06:54 PM
I think I'd say...
There is more to life than trying to be the smartest person in the room. You get to choose how much life you experience.
Max T
10-15-2007, 02:45 AM
When operating outside of your strong areas, be sure to consult others.
As time passes, your 'strong zone' will become more defined, so you'll know when to involve others' input.
Max T
10-15-2007, 03:12 AM
When planning your next move, consider how others will react and factor that into your decision-making.
The reason is that we rarely operate in a clinical vacuum but instead are part of systems (mmmmm.... systems :)).
Don't fear that factoring others into your decision making might dampen your plans. Quite the opposite- it should make your plans more robust and even gain support.
The Rose
10-15-2007, 12:03 PM
Upon initially contributing to this forum, my concern was that it might exacerbate INTJ's negative tendencies (detachment, coldness, tactless, uncommunicative etc.) by legitimising them.
But the opposite has occurred- the 'therapy effect' of discussing INTJ traits has helped me come to terms with my own. Surely you identify with this.
The intention of this post is to build on this effect by explicitly stating how we might improve ourselves (either to the wider world or internally).
Imagine you're talking to an INTJ you care deeply about and who will soon become an adult.
What would be your words of wisdom for them to succeed and have a fulfilling life?
To start the ball rolling:
Whenever dealing with other people, always consider their perspective (i.e. develop your Feeling side).
Remember that you're not defective; you're just different.
That doesn't make you wrong.
Learn to laugh a little and not take life so seriously.
Ask yourself: in 100 years from now, will this matter?
Ask yourself: in 100 years from now, will this matter?
My reply to that would be... 100 years from now, I'll be dead, I can't fix it, of course it doesn't matter. *The problem is that it matters now! *:'(
The Rose
10-16-2007, 06:52 AM
Ask yourself: in 100 years from now, will this matter?
My reply to that would be... 100 years from now, I'll be dead, I can't fix it, of course it doesn't matter. The problem is that it matters now! :'(I had a habit of taking everything equally seriously - it was ALL brain surgery.
That question helped me to realize that there are some things I can relax on - it's NOT all brain surgery.
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