Avoidant Personality

[vaguely dissatisfied]

Anyone here suspect they have avoidant personality? If so.......what do you do to deal with it?

[yondyr]

I looked it up in order to answer you. There's the INTJ avoidant and the thread regarding 'do you have any friends' that members who have few to none show to be avoidants, but I suspect that's from choice, lack of interest or less tolerance for those different. Then there's the avoidant personality disorder, where fears govern their unwillingness to make contact with others. I belong to the former group.

[vaguely dissatisfied]

I looked it up in order to answer you. There's the INTJ avoidant and the thread regarding 'do you have any friends' that members who have few to none show to be avoidants, but I suspect that's from choice, lack of interest or less tolerance for those different. Then there's the avoidant personality disorder, where fears govern their unwillingness to make contact with others. I belong to the former group.
I often wonder just how much choice we have?

[AgentofGaming]

Anyone here suspect they have avoidant personality? If so.......what do you do to deal with it?

Me I guess, since I meet all the criteria.

As for dealing with it, I don't know. How am I supposed to deal with it? I feel like I have to leap two barriers to communicate to people my own and theirs.

I have serious problems choosing people:
People will come to me, and if they don't my life will be a bit harder. I suppose when forming groups, I won't hop on any of them and in fact I'll wait till I'm the last one and then ask the teaching assistant to assign me a group.

I also have a hard time asking strangers questions, I also really feel discouraged when they say "I don't know". I just don't know which one to ask. So if I'm lost I'll usually wander in intense anxiety until I find a tourist guide somewhere.

Having moved to another high school for a year before entering post-secondary I sort of don't have any real friends at school.

[Epicurus]

Make yourself emperor, mindly. Then you can use that in a positive way when dealing with humans. It doesn't matter what you think, its what you express and show to others that matters. I've had toughts of being more of a psychopath with the opposite gender, and then feed from their minds and bodies, and everyone will see me as a kind guy even tough Im thinking that way, as I know I won't hurt anyone for real or not get anywhere near my little evil fantasies.

I certainly got both avoidant personality and schizotypal personality. Im on zoloft now, Im to young so they didn't really want me to eat heavier SSRIs. It helps some so far, Im more relaxed and indifferent to my surroundings, more and more for every day I hope. I know I have to get through the real barrier myself, but right now Im just hoping for my headache and extra lack of motivation to get over from eating it. Hopefully I will only suffer from minor fears of people due to Im schizotypal, wich what I know is chronical, and the other side-effects of that disorder.

[iamnotspock]

Oh yeah, I definitely do. I was discussing that here with someone recently.

When I hear you wonder how much choice we have I wonder: Choice in what? Can you choose to change any of your behaviors? Any of your thoughts? I think yes, you can. Can you choose to change your past, or your underlying nature or tendencies? Maybe not.

Personally, I have tried the drug approach, but I did not like how it changed me into somebody else, yet left me still uneducated on dealing with people. So since I was not depressed I dropped that approach and switched to the cognitive and behavioral method. This entails all kinds of little things you do to make it possible to interact more effectively in the world. The progress is slower but far more satisfying.

Also, I found that nutrition has a huge impact. A good multi-vitamin, nutrients like magnesium, B12, and herbs like licorice or valerian root can all help. They are cheap and safe to experiment with.

[vaguely dissatisfied]

Oh yeah, I definitely do. I was discussing that here with someone recently.

When I hear you wonder how much choice we have I wonder: Choice in what? Can you choose to change any of your behaviors? Any of your thoughts? I think yes, you can. Can you choose to change your past, or your underlying nature or tendencies? Maybe not.

Personally, I have tried the drug approach, but I did not like how it changed me into somebody else, yet left me still uneducated on dealing with people. So since I was not depressed I dropped that approach and switched to the cognitive and behavioral method. This entails all kinds of little things you do to make it possible to interact more effectively in the world. The progress is slower but far more satisfying.

Also, I found that nutrition has a huge impact. A good multi-vitamin, nutrients like magnesium, B12, and herbs like licorice or valerian root can all help. They are cheap and safe to experiment with.
Can you elaborate on changing your thoughts? Have you had cognitive therapy and if so could you share a bit of the methods?





vaguely dissatisfied added to this post, 1 minutes and 1 seconds later...

Make yourself emperor, mindly. Then you can use that in a positive way when dealing with humans. It doesn't matter what you think, its what you express and show to others that matters. I've had toughts of being more of a psychopath with the opposite gender, and then feed from their minds and bodies, and everyone will see me as a kind guy even tough Im thinking that way, as I know I won't hurt anyone for real or not get anywhere near my little evil fantasies.

I certainly got both avoidant personality and schizotypal personality. Im on zoloft now, Im to young so they didn't really want me to eat heavier SSRIs. It helps some so far, Im more relaxed and indifferent to my surroundings, more and more for every day I hope. I know I have to get through the real barrier myself, but right now Im just hoping for my headache and extra lack of motivation to get over from eating it. Hopefully I will only suffer from minor fears of people due to Im schizotypal, wich what I know is chronical, and the other side-effects of that disorder.
I don't agree with you totally. Behavior is definately important, but your thoughts can be crippling to you.





vaguely dissatisfied added to this post, 3 minutes and 2 seconds later...

Me I guess, since I meet all the criteria.

As for dealing with it, I don't know. How am I supposed to deal with it? I feel like I have to leap two barriers to communicate to people my own and theirs.

I have serious problems choosing people:
People will come to me, and if they don't my life will be a bit harder. I suppose when forming groups, I won't hop on any of them and in fact I'll wait till I'm the last one and then ask the teaching assistant to assign me a group.

I also have a hard time asking strangers questions, I also really feel discouraged when they say "I don't know". I just don't know which one to ask. So if I'm lost I'll usually wander in intense anxiety until I find a tourist guide somewhere.

Having moved to another high school for a year before entering post-secondary I sort of don't have any real friends at school.
Your feelings of discouragement are understandable to me. It seems like you screwed yourself up to go ahead and ask, which took alot of courage, all for nothing. Have you thought about therapy? I was reading some stuff recently that mentioned a combination of therapy and medication can be very helpful.

[AgentofGaming]

Your feelings of discouragement are understandable to me. It seems like you screwed yourself up to go ahead and ask, which took alot of courage, all for nothing. Have you thought about therapy? I was reading some stuff recently that mentioned a combination of therapy and medication can be very helpful.

I seem to have been very patient, careful and enduring to have taken it this long (or perhaps I was apathetic about it and optimistic it'd improve).
However I would be glad to rid of it as soon as possible, it's already reached a stage (or perhaps I've reached a time in my life) where it's damaging my function as an individual in society.
I have the same idea, therapy would be a good choice, but I've never seen any professionals before for mind issues. So I don't exactly know where to go and maybe I should talk to my parents about it too.

[vaguely dissatisfied]

I seem to have been very patient, careful and enduring to have taken it this long (or perhaps I was apathetic about it and optimistic it'd improve).
However I would be glad to rid of it as soon as possible, it's already reached a stage (or perhaps I've reached a time in my life) where it's damaging my function as an individual in society.
I have the same idea, therapy would be a good choice, but I've never seen any professionals before for mind issues. So I don't exactly know where to go and maybe I should talk to my parents about it too.
Yep........talk to your parents. I'd try to find someone who comes recommended by a trusted friend or aquaintence. Preferably, someone who has been helped by the psychologist themselves. Your parents could probably help with that.

[errrzarrr]

Don't know if i 'have' Avoidant Personality, but I used to have problems meeting new people. I am getting better, slowly yes, but improving.

[iamnotspock]

Can you elaborate on changing your thoughts? Have you had cognitive therapy and if so could you share a bit of the methods?

I have not had therapy. I talked to a couple therapists but they were not up to par. However, I have used the cognitive techniques outlined in several books.

One that works great is affirmations. You recite to yourself some basic facts you want to be true:

I smile at strangers
It's fun to talk in front of groups

Etc. And slowly it changes your thought process. Slowly. But it's like workign out. Takes time to take effect.

Another approach is some support group. You can do it online. You post positive thoughts and get positive reinforcement from others. Critics and negative types not allowed. It really does lift your spirits and mood.

Another is to build up to social rejections. Start with something simple. LIke you ask a checkout lady to remove some item after she rang it up. Or you ask someone if you can cut in line. Or you ask a girl for her # without any proper buildup. You might get a no. You learn, no big deal. Rejection won't kill you.

There are tons of techniques. Any good self-help book will have at least some of them.

Speaking of which, have you looked at "The Secret"? It has some majorly cheesy parts. But it's also built on cog sci stuff. I mention it b/c it worked well for my ex. I think it appeals to women. It is a little liike religion -- it's not entirely rational, but it can help its participants.

[Epicurus]

I don't agree with you totally. Behavior is definately important, but your thoughts can be crippling to you.
(For the record, I am pretty sure I am a masochist.) And those evil thoughts were except for that, mostly because of my willingness to get over with this problem and in my frustration. And ofcourse its much better to be yourself, then you can really enjoy other people fully (altough yourself for you other non-masochists aren't the same as mine).

[vaguely dissatisfied]

I have not had therapy. I talked to a couple therapists but they were not up to par. However, I have used the cognitive techniques outlined in several books.

One that works great is affirmations. You recite to yourself some basic facts you want to be true:

I smile at strangers
It's fun to talk in front of groups

Etc. And slowly it changes your thought process. Slowly. But it's like workign out. Takes time to take effect.

Another approach is some support group. You can do it online. You post positive thoughts and get positive reinforcement from others. Critics and negative types not allowed. It really does lift your spirits and mood.

Another is to build up to social rejections. Start with something simple. LIke you ask a checkout lady to remove some item after she rang it up. Or you ask someone if you can cut in line. Or you ask a girl for her # without any proper buildup. You might get a no. You learn, no big deal. Rejection won't kill you.

There are tons of techniques. Any good self-help book will have at least some of them.

Speaking of which, have you looked at "The Secret"? It has some majorly cheesy parts. But it's also built on cog sci stuff. I mention it b/c it worked well for my ex. I think it appeals to women. It is a little liike religion -- it's not entirely rational, but it can help its participants.
I'd like to look at that book 'The Secret", but I get an adverse reaction to anything that smacks of religion. It immediately makes me suspisious of it's validity, but I'll try it if you think It'll help.





vaguely dissatisfied added to this post, 3 minutes and 14 seconds later...

(For the record, I am pretty sure I am a masochist.) And those evil thoughts were except for that, mostly because of my willingness to get over with this problem and in my frustration. And ofcourse its much better to be yourself, then you can really enjoy other people fully (altough yourself for you other non-masochists aren't the same as mine).
Interestingly, masochism usually involves feelings of omnipotence, guilt, and worry.

[iamnotspock]

You can find videos of it on youtube. It is *not* religious. No mention of God or anything. But you have to have *faith* in it to work. In that way it is similar to religion.

[vaguely dissatisfied]

You can find videos of it on youtube. It is *not* religious. No mention of God or anything. But you have to have *faith* in it to work. In that way it is similar to religion.
Yeah........faith and me don't do so well, but I'm game to try.

[Epicurus]

Interestingly, masochism usually involves feelings of omnipotence, guilt, and worry.Aswell it might be common to *NTJs I believe, since we have a special need for control, but thats another story.

[vaguely dissatisfied]

Aswell it might be common to *NTJs I believe, since we have a special need for control, but thats another story.
The main theme here is usually guilt. This often shows up in the belief that we are 'bad' because we have hurt someone. Worry usually accompanies the pathologic belief that someone important to us is hurt or fragile. Guilt and worry cause sexual inhibition and self-defeating behavior. This often comes in the form of the feeling that our gain (happiness, success etc.) is someone else's loss and that leaving our family behind will hurt them.

[Epicurus]

The main theme here is usually guilt. This often shows up in the belief that we are 'bad' because we have hurt someone. Worry usually accompanies the pathologic belief that someone important to us is hurt or fragile. Guilt and worry cause sexual inhibition and self-defeating behavior. This often comes in the form of the feeling that our gain (happiness, success etc.) is someone else's loss and that leaving our family behind will hurt them.Yes, yes. I was just saying that our *NTJ need for control and the environment not understanding that, could create kind of the same sort of feelings that are often leading to masochism, so we are more often masochists than most other mbti types, but thats just a little thought my magical intuition has gathered me.

[iamnotspock]

The main theme here is usually guilt. This often shows up in the belief that we are 'bad' because we have hurt someone. Worry usually accompanies the pathologic belief that someone important to us is hurt or fragile. Guilt and worry cause sexual inhibition and self-defeating behavior. This often comes in the form of the feeling that our gain (happiness, success etc.) is someone else's loss and that leaving our family behind will hurt them.

That's very accurate. The pathology can be created by a parent who unexpectedly withdraws affection and blames the child -- "Since you didn't clean your room I can't get any work done and now we won't have enough money for dinner, you brat". This creates serious anxiety and attachment problems in the child if it's an opposite sex parent. The child cannot trust the next object of their affection and will do things to drive them away, to avoid being hurt and to reconcile reality with their sense of guilt. The typical victims show up as the momma's boy or the daddy's girl. On the inside, they are still a guilty child. Often the parent is alcoholic, borderline personality disorder, or bipolar. Very tragic overall.

[Epicurus]

That's very accurate. The pathology can be created by a parent who unexpectedly withdraws affection and blames the child -- "Since you didn't clean your room I can't get any work done and now we won't have enough money for dinner, you brat". This creates serious anxiety and attachment problems in the child if it's an opposite sex parent. The child cannot trust the next object of their affection and will do things to drive them away, to avoid being hurt and to reconcile reality with their sense of guilt. The typical victims show up as the momma's boy or the daddy's girl. On the inside, they are still a guilty child. Often the parent is alcoholic, borderline personality disorder, or bipolar. Very tragic overall.A lot of that fit in on me... I used to spend almost all time with my mom when I grew up the first 7 years or so after divorce when I was about 3, my dad was drunk one or two months a year back then, and shes an ISFJ so you could guess how that would go. Very protective and overall dumb, pointless to argue against someone that stuborn and irrational. She used a lot of those type of sentences as you described. Her older sister treated her quite bad wich what I know when you get near that subject gets quite hot, a lot of mindly fights between them and also other relatives on her side. I've learnt to not get that frustrated of not getting control of her as I got before, aswell as I've spent more time with my dad. Im a lot happier now when I can hate everyone instead of feeling sorry for everyone, aswell my mind has grown in its understanding. I have to balance it tough.

I have to wait untill august to start working on my career building education, as I jumped off this year, to practical, didn't handle asking that many questions as Im a lot better theoretical. Now Im going to go something a bit more theoretical, becoming an electrician, tough I know I should have picked something even more that way but I want a job relatively fast. And for now I am only going to school having math two hours a week.