INTJ turning into an INFJ

[IgnoranceIsKind]

I realised that sometimes I become too emotional, and that I actually care a great deal for my friends more than I should. It was never like this before. All this started when I decided that this year shall be the year that I open up to my classmates and just be nice generally. I wouldn't say that my decisions are now influenced by my emotions moreover rationality, yet there is something in me that is just rejecting all this and I don't feel too comfortable.

What about you guys?

Have you ever tried to be nice to people for a long period of time, only to come out of it feeling accomplished socially yet vulnerable at the same time? Somehow the enclosed person I was before satisfied my inner self most pleasingly, but now I feel as if I'm all open and susceptible to attacks on my self-esteem.
What would YOU do?

By the way, I think one of the reasons why the possibility of turning into an INFJ worries me is because I'm so goddamn proud to be an INTJ! We are society's elites ;)

[Jgib5328]

Ahaha you're turning soft. No you are probably just developing you feeling more, it's natural I guess. You are probably developing your E more too now that you are socializing more often. It's nothing to be worried about, you are just developing more as a person. Maybe you are developing your Fi too. You probably always will be an INTJ, but it seems like you are going to be a soft one with those 'feeling's' I've heard so much about. You might become an INFJ too I don't know, it depends on your age.

[IgnoranceIsKind]

Ahaha you're turning soft. No you are probably just developing you feeling more, it's natural I guess. You are probably developing your E more too now that you are socializing more often. It's nothing to be worried about, you are just developing more as a person. Maybe you are developing your Fi too. You probably always will be an INTJ, but it seems like you are going to be a soft one with those 'feeling's' I've heard so much about. You might become an INFJ too I don't know, it depends on your age.

Oh God please don't let that happen. Its really queer though. I am 17 only and it seems that I am awfully adeptive. Awfully because sometimes its perilous. Last year I was hated by my whole class. I was the 'arrogant bastard', the 'self-absorbed prick', the 'elitist'. And I do not deny any of that. I hated my classmates. I felt that their contributions to lessons are not only immature, but also unintelligent. I thought I needed to keep away from them to protect and keep safe my intellect. But then it resulted in social outcasting and thereafter a very depressing period. Hence the decision to change.

I wouldn't say that I'm becoming a 'softie', just more prone to this thing called 'emotions' I never knew I had :P

[Jgib5328]

Oh God please don't let that happen. Its really queer though. I am 17 only and it seems that I am awfully adeptive. Awfully because sometimes its perilous. Last year I was hated by my whole class. I was the 'arrogant bastard', the 'self-absorbed prick', the 'elitist'. And I do not deny any of that. I hated my classmates. I felt that their contributions to lessons are not only immature, but also unintelligent. I thought I needed to keep away from them to protect and keep safe my intellect. But then it resulted in social outcasting and thereafter a very depressing period. Hence the decision to change.

I wouldn't say that I'm becoming a 'softie', just more prone to this thing called 'emotions' I never knew I had :P

Well first you may not want to 100% guarantee that you are originally an INTJ. It is possible that you were and have always been an INFJ who tried to ignore his/her feelings. I don't know your sex, but a lot of INFJ males tend to test as INTJs because of societal norms.

But to be more positive! You are just developing emotions more. If you let people in, they warm your cold heart (that's how I always think about it). Other people provide warmth, if you shut them out, you become cold and aloen. It's normal to feel emotions. Being an INTJ doesn't mean that you are some hard core emotionless dude who could eat a new born without blinking. Some people on this forum seem to feel a lot of emotion. Being a T is about how you think. You can have emotion, but you tend to think more 'rationally' with your thoughts and more objectively. Don't worry about it though, I'm sure you are an INTJ, have always been an INTJ, and will always be an INTJ. But maybe I'm wrong, what do I know anyways?

[pavman]

There's nothing wrong with emotions, as long as they're directed properly. :)

In fact, I find that I tend to be emotional about certain things, and much less so about other things. This, of course, depends on the relationship involved.. close friends and family I'm more emotional about/to than people I don't know all that well.

It sometimes frustrates me when I want to open up to someone, but don't trust them enough to do so. I consider "opening up" an emotional thing. Its all about the warm fuzzies.

I find that if I can't open up to or if she can't open up to me within a certain amount of time, I write off any romantic involvement with a potential, less a handful (if that) of women/girls I've known.





pavman added to this post, 14 minutes and 51 seconds later...

As far as what I would do... I've personally found that you should be on guard in social situations. You might have a great bunch of friends, but one wrong mis-step and before you know it, they all think you're a big ass and don't hang out with you anymore. :) Of course, a lot of this has to do with maturity level.

Ok, that's a bit extreme. Just be careful. There's lots of vultures out there trying to take out us eagles.

And remember... if you put a bunch of crabs in a bucket, and one tries to climb out, the others will grab him and pull him back down into the bucket. So it can be with the wrong friends. If you have the right friends, you all will mutually help each other to reach new heights intellectually, financially, and spiritually.

Of course, @ 17 you still have a lot to learn, and everything is in flux if you/they are planning on going to college and junk. Just keep the friendships up when you all get scattered to the 4 winds and everything should be kewl.

[vaguely dissatisfied]

Whenever you 'put yourself out there' you risk both pleasure and pain. The question is do the benefits outweigh the risks? That can only be answered by the individual and can only be found out by actually trying it.

[Antares]

Well first you may not want to 100% guarantee that you are originally an INTJ. It is possible that you were and have always been an INFJ who tried to ignore his/her feelings. I don't know your sex, but a lot of INFJ males tend to test as INTJs because of societal norms.

Could that have contributed to the scarcity of INFJs; especially males, and increasing the INTJ percentage? Maybe I'm an INFJ or ISTP in disguise too 0___o

As for your question, I don't go out of my way to be 'nice' to anyone. I'm cynical, feisty, fiery and have a sharp tongue, often with a snide or insulting remark attached to it. I can act melodramatic if I want to, to the point of fakeness. Strangely enough, people seem to like me for all my negative traits. I did go out of my way to be nice to my cousin though. He was very spoilt in his younger years; physically abusing his brother and I whenever he felt like it, and he thought I hate him even today and have made a great effort in reconciliating with me. I actually found that I like him more and more now. I guess it's a natural reaction.

[Nausved]

I seem to be on the cusp between INTJ and INFJ (though I score the former more often than the latter).

The biggest problem I have with this test is that it pits "Thinking" and "Feeling" against each other. In my case, however, they seem to work in concert. When they are at odds, it's usually either a sign that my logical reasoning is off or that I'm ill/sleepy/hungry (as I tend to become emotionally frazzled when I'm under the weather).

I do feel vulnerable to other people. But when others hurt me, I simply look at the issue more closely, from both an emotional and a logical perspective. Either they were correct to hurt me, in which case I feel bad up until the point where I have sufficiently learned my lesson; or else they were wrong to hurt me, in which case I don't feel bad at all because I did nothing wrong.

People who hurt me without sufficient reason deaden my feelings toward them, and so the problem gradually solves itself; I become emotionally vulnerable only to those who would never take advantage of these vulnerabilities. I love negative feedback loops!

[coffeeloverfreak]

I keep saying this: All people think. All people feel. Whether you're T or F has to do with how you prefer to make decisions. (And by prefer, we mean which comes most naturally to you, without being forced, not which you would rather be able to do).

My natural decision making process is always instinctively rational, often far too much so. But I get my feelings hurt a lot, and so do most INTJs. In fact, sometimes, our lack of "in-touch"-ness with our feelings can lead to emotionally awkward or strained moments or relationships, because we feel as much as anyone but we're not the most practiced at dealing with our feelings in a healthy way.

How do you prefer to make decisions?

If you prefer to decide on the basis of objective logic, using an analytic and detached approach, then your preference is for Thinking. This is denoted by the letter "T".
If you prefer to decide using values and/or personal beliefs, on the basis of what you believe is important or what you or others care about, then your preference is for Feeling. This is denoted by the letter "F".

In my experience, T types tend to care more about right and wrong, works and doesn't work. F types tend to care more about how people around them are affected, what will help ensure harmony.

[Chainsaw Dundee]

There is nothing wrong with developing feelings more. It's part of becoming a more balanced person, I believe. I doubt you will experience a serious decline in cognitive/rational ability, or gain a strong penchant for members of the same sex and stuffed animals. Don't stress over it, as it won't help. Rather harness the advantages of both.

[Trivani]

I tested as INFJ in my youth but now test as INTJ. I used to be very strongly feeling too. I think I just got tired of being so sensitive and vulnerable to mean people. I agree with coffeeloverfreak. We all think and we all feel. It is the aspect of our personality that we can control the most. It's all about which we prefer to use.

[DeadSpace]

i'm mostly balanced between intj and infj, flip modes fairly easily. Yea, it can be scary to feel open to the slings and arrows of someone you care about...but the alternative to me is worse. Never being open at all means you can never find anything true, if you hide part of yourself away...especially from those you care about. You will always be alone no matter how many people surround you. Locking away part of yourself so that no one can get in, means no one ever will.
I can't do that...though often wish i could, even on occasion envy those that can wall up what they feel, turn it to anger or hate. Sealing something off...to me, allows it to fester, stagnate, and rot. If ever released...will be a twisted form of what it was.
So i take the chance...i get hurt, better than the alternatives.

[meanlittlechimp]

I don't think INTJs can turn into INFJs. They might become emotional temporarily but what separates the INFJ and INTJ is not just acting "F". I have a female INTJ friend who gets emotional often (more than the INFJs i know actually). If I become very organized and disciplined for a year to accomplish some project or because I join the military (I do not turn into an ENTJ, just an ENTP who is organized).

One of the stark difference I find between the two types is that INFJs are almost always more concerned with people, as an area of interest - what makes them tick, analyzing them intensely, even when very young. They are always finely attuned to the emotional states of everyone in the room, and are known for this perceptive empathy. I find it's typically the weakness for many INTJs. INFJs tend to be better writes of fiction, poetry and other endeavors that require empathy. INTJs, who do excel at these pastimes, tend to have a noticeably different style that tends to be more analytical in their approach.

INFJs are the only NFs that I never witness seeking or trying to acquire affirmation (in stark contrast to the other NFs).

I do find outwardly, the two types are hardest for me to tell apart, but inwardly, they are fundamentally and drastically different.