Social Conditioning of the INTJ

[Rachel45]

I spent many years(too damn many) trying to fit in. As an INTJ woman, it was especially difficult. For example, when I was raising my children I was SURROUNDED by ESFJ women who I could not connect with and who thought I was odd. Furthermore our methods of childrearing were as different as could be. They were always in the process of molding, molding, molding their children to be little versions of themselves. I was encouraging individuality and yes I never got upset during the phases my children went through( hair dyed green, angry at the world, punk rockers supreme). I believed in my children's innate capacity to experience fully who they were(or were becoming) without my interference. Yes, why would I give a damn what people thought? Not sure, but I suffered and I never knew why until I found out I was an INTJ. My days of pretending are behind me now, very grateful. Questions: How did you cope growing up/as an adult and how were you conditioned? Also, did the pressure to conform get to you?

[Lucky]

My parents did not respect and value what I said, did not see me as independent from them in a positive way, did not feel that my thoughts and feelings were as important as theirs. In other words, my parents did not allow me “voice”.
This is my experience in a nutshell because there is much more to say and things are much more complicated.

[Rachel45]

Growing up, my mother related to me far less than my other sisters. She always complained that I did not come to her with my problems/issues. She is an INFJ and my father was either an INTJ or an INTP, hard to tell. I got along far better with my father. My mother seemed to resent my independence and began to favor my other sister. I remember she told me that this was because my sister was more "fragile". As a teenager, my independence saved me from a family that was increasingly more and more dysfunctional.

[Lucky]

Maybe this essay explains things a bit, in childhood I never got a satisfying answer to these four questions mentioned:
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Who (or what) am I? Do I have any value? Why doesn’t anybody see or hear me? Why should I live?

---------- Post added 11-11-2009 at 01:00 PM ----------

Growing up, my mother related to me far less than my other sisters. She always complained that I did not come to her with my problems/issues. She is an INFJ and my father was either an INTJ or an INTP, hard to tell. I got along far better with my father. My mother seemed to resent my independence and began to favor my other sister. I remember she told me that this was because my sister was more "fragile". As a teenager, my independence saved me from a family that was increasingly more and more dysfunctional.

The fact that your sister has become very narcissistic does indicate that her childhood as well was far from ideal. I have heard people say that in the end the scapegoat is the lucky one because he/she gets to be the escapegoat.

[plushbug]

I was an only child, and blessed beyond measure in getting to growing up out of the North American (Canadian) cultural mainstream. My parents were civil service nomads in the Arctic, so I grew up across a succession of tiny, mostly inuit communities in the NWT and northern Quebec...I'd say in what Jung would have called an introverted culture, certainly one in which introverts were well accepted, which was at the time almost completely isolated from "the outside". My father being a 2nd generation northerner (RCMP family) our family culture was as much inuit as European, very easy-going, basically respectful and tolerant of what people were, so long as whatever we were stopped short of harming anyone.

So...I only got hit with the E-dominated insanity of the southern mainstream every 2nd year--from teens to 20s, say once a year--when we went south on vacation to visit my mother's relatives in NB. At which point I would find myself surrounded by ESFJ women, hell-bent either on convincing themselves that the odd little person I was (past being clean and well-mannered) was, after all, really, on the inside, just exactly the little ESF darling I should be, or, once they'd figured out that at any point this wasn't so...yep! molding, molding, molding, in the attempt to make me perfect like them. Lots of pressure to be more E (less "shy"--I was never going to amount to anything, if I didn't just stop being so shy!), and massive pressure to be an F-dominated sentimentalist, all the standard "warm, nurturing" conforming female bullshit :veryangry: God might have given me a brain, but heaven forbid I should ever be caught using it! And of course, they'd be giving my mother hell for failing the task, too...which was unfair, for the first 10 years or so she did do her best to mold me into at least a passable imitation of what was expected--as the high end for stupidity on her part, I remember being lectured about how I should feel loving toward all my southern cousins, just because they were Family, family loyalty certainly being part of the indoctrination she had, in her time, bought, hook, line, and sinker!--but mercifully, she had the wit to realize early that this was a lost cause. Once we were back home in the north, she had no backup for her efforts, and--what really saved my bacon!--I'd say the honesty to recognize that it didn't work for her, either. That that had had a degree to do, with her heading off for the wilds of northern Canada in the first place... Because as she outgrew her own social conditioning, what I would say emerged was that she was at least an introverted type herself. Likely ISxJ. Dad I'd guess was ENTJ. They both appreciated intelligence, so I had what appears to be the somewhat rare experience of getting along with both parents well, and ending up able to know they were both happy with how I turned out--oddball, yeah! but a smart, well-educated, hard-working, creative and productive member of society. And I was lucky enough to cross paths with Jung, MBTI, and a pile of related material about personality typing by my later teens, so I was able to enter on adulthood knowing I was INT. Won't say it made any of the conflicts easier, but it saved me a lot of confusion about 'em...able to "get" faster, when fitting in wasn't going to be an option.

All the long way round to saying...I escaped most of the efforts made to condition me, at least, as anything resembling a standard southern "ideal" woman (warm, loving, nurturing, etc., conforming ExFx generally) but from the tastes I had, I can only think that for any INTx type, this could only be a hellish experience.

[vash]

I have heard people say that in the end the scapegoat is the lucky one because he/she gets to be the escapegoat.
This describes how I feel. I was the only "I" in a family of "E"s. I was also the middle child with an older sister who was adored by my father and a younger brother who was idolized by my mother. My only value to the family was that I was labeled "gifted" at an early age and sent to a school for gifted children. Because of it, I was my family's trophy child - objectified but not truly understood for who I was. I dealt with my unhappiness by creating a world of my own and living in it by myself. My family used to tell people that I suffered from middle child syndrome, but I actually think being in the middle helped me survive my parents' issues. My brother and sister - my bookends, as I call them - got a truckload of problems from being closer to my parents.

[TigerL]

When I was growing up, my parents wanted me to be like my cousin who was 10 years older than me. She was a pretty, quiet, obediant graceful girly girl who took ballet. I wanted to be myself so I rebelled against that - no ballet for me, I was into gymnastics. (Interestingly, I have always adored my cousin who was and continues to be a lovely person.)

I did not rebel in the usual ways (e.g. smoke, take drugs, dye my hair,etc.) but rather my thoughts, ideas were different from my parents. My brother and various mentors supported my individuality and, in fact, encouraged me to challenge their views on things. I was also in different gifted programs. My friends were out of the mainstream so I felt very little pressure to conform. I also have the conventional markers of success in life so few people criticize my non-conformity - nothing suceeds like success.

[ADullEssence]

I don't recall any clear extraverted moments in childhood, but the NTJ I suspect was conditioned and/or supported. Though I always did have an overactive imagination and a thing for making up games.. INTJ-ish child traits?

Growing up my ENTP brother influenced me a hell of a lot more than my parents. Being known as 'the smart one' amongst my peers (Always asked for help in class, )probably added to my know-it-all arrogance/stubbornness when challenged. Which happened more and more over the years. Eventually I grew up to liking arguing simply because it was interesting conversation. My ISFJ mother would be the one I'd argue with (usually out of laziness to get out doing stuff :laugh:) and my ENFJ father I only saw on occasion and only really started getting influenced once my personality was reasonably established.

Hm. Now I'm starting to wonder how long I've been an INTJ for. :laugh:

[vash]

I did not rebel in the usual ways (e.g. smoke, take drugs, dye my hair,etc.) but rather my thoughts, ideas were different from my parents. My brother and various mentors supported my individuality and, in fact, encouraged me to challenge their views on things. I was also in different gifted programs. My friends were out of the mainstream so I felt very little pressure to conform. I also have the conventional markers of success in life so few people criticize my non-conformity - nothing suceeds like success.
I was different from most of the people around me, but I did not see myself as rebelling against anything - or even needing to rebel against anything. I made my own choices in life, and many people around me thought I was just weird. I do believe that attending a school for gifted kids was the best social situation for me, which is why I am very opposed to mainstreaming. I know "gifted" people who attended gifted programs housed in regular schools, and they tell me nightmare stories of their experiences with other kids. I was sheltered from all of that - at least during the day (my life was a nightmare with the other kids in my neighborhood). It is the main reason I often say my parents made the right decision, although it was for the wrong reason.

[sunlover]

I think the key is to pick out those things that other types do that can improve our own arsenal of abilities when possible.

[Aurelia]

You can imagine how well I got along with my ESFJ mother :) My independent streak drove her nuts. The more I wanted to be my own person, the more she tried to control and mold me. It made our relationship unbearable. She wanted me to do everything that her friend's children did. Whether it was playing the piano or joining the Girl Scouts.

The only way our relationship was able to improve was when I moved out. Then I developed selective hearing. Now that I think about it, the field I work in is overrun with ESFJs. When ESFJs talk...I do math problems in my head to distract myself from getting upset.

[Shauru]

My parents did not respect and value what I said, did not see me as independent from them in a positive way, did not feel that my thoughts and feelings were as important as theirs. In other words, my parents did not allow me “voice”.
This is my experience in a nutshell because there is much more to say and things are much more complicated.

That was pretty much my experience. Unfortunately between a rough home life and rough time at school. I found myself taking steps to conform. I smoked a lot of pot, didn't try to achieve or search for things that motivate me. I did my best to try and "become stupid" thinking that the only way to be happy was to be dumb like everyone else seemed to be. After a while I've realized that it wasn't right and I'm trying to embrace my INTJness. And while I still score heavily INTJ i feel like a lot of me has been compromised because of my own self loathing. I still have a little bit of fear/hesitance to embrace my independence.

I'm making progress, but I feel like at the very least I've lost a few years of my life. At worst I've lost part of myself, and that part scares me. I hope it's not true.

[jimnorris]

well, my parents divorced when i was just a little thing and my father was given custody of me. mom had visitation rights so my story is perhaps a little one-sided. my dad was one to demand agreement. by that i mean he not only wanted you to do what he said he also wanted your verbal agreement. that is tough for an intj kid. how did i cope? i learned to fake emotions i did not have so i could get by. i made no friends because i didn't care to since all they seemed to do was act ridiculous anyway. as i got older i changed to put up a facade of similarity so they would at least accept me. at this point in my life i have decided that i would rather have friends who know what i am and accept me for me. no, i want to be a better individual and i pursue excellence but i am tired of trying to conform just so others will allow me into their little groups. listen, be who you are, never cease striving to be the best person you can be, but never betray the you that you are. if you do then you just make life miserable for yourself. 'nuff said!

[Nightsun]

I've tried conforming to society from 16 years old to 20 years old. Now I have a daughter (my wife is pregnant again) and my wife is Infj. But we don't have too much problem with education, we simply don't care about what other people say.

[geekmother]

I could write forever about how difficult is was for me being so different. I had abusive parents who couldn't stand that I wasn't like their other daughter that did nothing wrong. My younger brother and I were adopted, and since he was only about 18 months old, the mother could influence him more. I was three with a fully formed personality, which I later determined was the basis for my pseudo-mother's hatred of me.
I had come from a loving family which consisted of my single mother and her parents. Her mother died, and her father was too old to care for two toddlers while she worked. So she did what she thought was best and put us up for adoption. The culture of the1970s in the South wasn't exactly known for tons of support shown to single mothers, particularly when they've never married, and their children have different fathers.

I'm normally in favor of adoption, but mine was a nightmare. My faux mother was nuts, and anything about me that was different from her or different from my "sister" was seen as a threat. She would have rages about something she thought I did, and I would stand there petrified, unable to speak, and she would accuse me of "trying to get even with her" by not talking.

The pseudo-parents did enjoy any attention I brought to them with my off-the-charts test scores and piano playing. The mother would insult me when my scores were higher than the sister's (which was often) and would say disparaging things about my intelligence.

So the home life was insane, to say the least. It was harder for me to make friends, mostly because I wanted and needed people I could look up to. As an abused child, I blamed myself for the lack of acceptance I felt, but it was much later that I had to learn that I wasn't the one with the problem. The self-blame thing is a lot easier than coming to the realization that there are people in the world who could do you harm, and that it's not your fault.

It's only been in the last few years that I've learned my personality type and discovered why I am the way I am. I have two close friends who understand me, and we are polar opposites. It works though.

I could go on, but I'll stop now, before everyone dies from boredom.

[plotthickens]

GM, I and my mother were abused by my high-E father. He also had ACoA (adult child of Addict) syndrome, so frustrating to I's and INTJ's especially. He was constantly berating us for not being exactly like him. The unexpected beatings had me flinching from any quick movement until I was well out of the house. Double black-belts don't leave bruises unless they want to, and besides, what he called me was much worse than smacking me upside the head. I loathed myself until I determined that I couldn't let him matter. Yeay for not being a sentimental so-and-so. The opposite of love is not hate, it's indifference.

Anyway, yes, hellish younger years. When I shared with Mom that we were both "I"s, and that Dad was an ACoA, it was a revelation to both of us. The social conditioning of being beaten into being an "E" backfired on Dad. When he ceased to be of consequence in my life, any attention he got from me was sarcastic. He'd taught me how to lie convincingly and the resulting game was hilarious. I'd play the loving caring ExFx daughter who lived to make him happy and he'd be pleased but constantly on edge because he could tell that "I" was playing a role, making fun of him. It's how I run my "E" job now. It works well, and people mostly leave me alone. Dad did too -- he got what he tried to condition into me and it was very much not at all what he wanted. *snigger* Well, if they can't be entertainment, what good are most people?

Doesn't it always seem to backfire on anyone who tries to push INTJs into being something they're not? Since your faux-mother likely detested being pitied, GM: "I feel sorry for her that she lost the chance to know you. ATo view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts. That wasn't too smart, poor little retarded thing." Can't you just see her getting all red in the face and yelling at the computer screen? *evil chuckle* Pity shuts 'em up quick. *evil hand washing* Ooops, sorry, I'll stop imagining your revenge now.

In the end, it might help you to know that others have gone through similar experiences and are impressed with your outcome.

[geekmother]

I completely cut the family out of my life. I think that has driven her crazy because not only was I her punching bag (literally and figuratively) I was her narcissistic supply. So not having me around to either placate her or make her feel better has been hard on her (I've heard). She also hates that she can't see my children; she hated their loyalty to me and wanted to be the dominant force in their lives. It was pretty sad.

I have revenge fantasies all the time. Nothing violent though. Well, maybe me telling her off and showing her the damage she's done, and it makes her so despondent that she jumps into the coffin and dies.....

[Murky Muse]

Wow. Some of these life stories are harsh. I didn't have it so bad. Despite my mom being an E_FJ (my guess), we get along well; she might be a bit disapointed that I'm not more extraverted and not interested in many of the things she is, but she always respected that I was naturally independent and never tried to mold me into a mini-her. It might be because she was use to my dad, who I'm fairly sure is also an INTJ. Of course, my dad and I had some issues my early teen years but nothing too serious and we're starting to reconnect a little now that I don't live at home.

I always felt more pressure from my grandparents and teachers to be more like others. But I ignored their comments and went about my own way.

[lionesseyes13]

Since I am younger than most people who will be answering, I figured I'd reply and provide a new perspective, even though I am only nineteen.

While I was living at home, I would spend hours locked up in my room reading, writing, or just imagining things when I wasn't busy doing my homework. I think my extroverted dad found this troubling and would have preferred if I spent more time socializing, but my mother, who is more introverted and a lover of books herself, was more understanding of my eccentricities.

In school, I developed close bonds with some of my teachers and had a handful of friends that I could confide in. They served as good people to bounce my ideas off, and they also were able to see the "real" me, which was surprisingly sarcastic.

For the most part, though, I pretended to conform on some level. I never was into wearing whatever was the latest style, listening to rap music which I just found grating, partying, or watching pointless TV shows. I just tended to conceal my obsessions from others, and to act shy and not speak up until I had to say something intelligent and school related. Thus, I was seen as nice, non-threatening, and studious if a little bit of a shy oddball.

I don't fully understand why I erected this facade, but I still tend to cultivate a surface level of conformity in exchange for nobody knowing just how bizarre my mind really is. Maybe I am just afraid that I will be locked up if I display just how crazy some of my ideas and obessions are. Perhaps that is why I love writing stories so much because it gives me the freedom not only to explore my wilder ideas but to share them with others in a manner that others won't see as overly menacing.

[Cooper]

Seems to be a theme today...

I am the youngest of 4 with many,many years between the last and me. Dad was lifetime Air Force but I got out of the moving. I was raised on the CDA Indian reservation and went to very small school. My test scores were so high that the teachers thought I was cheating somehow. After further testing, they realized I was not, I was "gifted". I didn't like what came with that label so I tired very hard not to live up to it. The kids teased me, the teachers kept telling me I was "smarter than that", and I wanted to crawl into a cave to never came out. I found my escape in creative writing. I lived the life I wanted in the stories I wrote. I turned down several full scholarships (one from UC Berkeley) to join the Marines...which pissed everyone but the recruiter off. To make a long story short, I made my own way because of and in spite of being INTJ...

I think I may have lost my train of thought and the point I was getting to, but I'm sure you get my drift...

[TheBlackKnight]

I tried to conform when I was younger, because I thought that that was what you were supposed to do and it was the only way to be happy, and to make my parents pay attention to and love me. When that didn't work I rebeled against my mother's religious fanaticism and stopped going to church entirely, which was the start of the punchingbag-like relationship that someone else refered to. At the same time I still tried to fit in at school, with similar results, and ended up completely isolated except for my younger sister, who mom eventually took away from me, too.

I had to develop the way I did, or else I doubt I would've survived.

[Levelsmile]

I'm so glad I found this site! I'm not the only one!

I'm pretty sure my dad and sister are NTs, not sure what mom is, except a religious fanatic.

Overall, childhood was OK, besides being dragged to church every Sunday and Wednesday with a bunch of loonies. My dad really wasn't much of a factor in my life as he was an alcoholic. Not the angry kind, the come home from work and have 8 scotch on the rocks and gel in front of the TV kind. He had a prestigious white collar job so money was never an issue.

I was recognized as very bright early on and my parents encouraged this w/o being pushy or overbearing. I was seen as odd, though but with a good (weird,dark) sense of humor and generally likable. I had a good small group of friends who appreciated me for what I was. I didn't really feel the need to rebel against anything, I just was sort of passive resistant to anything I didn't believe or agree with. I've never really followed any rules I don't agree with. I just work around them.

I did, and still do, hear from other guys, "Why don't you like to watch sports?" Or want to see the latest action movie. In my profession golf seems to be the wet dream of most of my colleagues. I hate golf, and I think I've missed out on some opportunities b/c I have better things to do on the weekend. I am active, just not in the way everyone wants me to be!

People often asked me why I didn't smile more, What's wrong? Well, nothing really unless being lost in your own thoughts most of the time is wrong.

Luckily, I've found a career where I can pretty much call my own shots for the past year. I had to leave my last job b/c my new boss, although male, has "girly" emotions and we just clashed. I'm a lawyer and emotional histrionics generally aren't "done" to say the least! He would ask about taking this or that case to trial and guess what! I'd tell him what I thought. When it wasn't what he wanted to hear he took it personally. Whatever. So I had to strike out on my own.

That's it. Interesting to start to find out why I'm the way I am.

[Rachel45]

I agree. It is wonderful to be discovering who I am. I grew up in a very close-minded area of Philadelphia(lots of conservatism and racism) and the other children were like little robots, all conforming. When I was a child my INTJness was something to hide. I never seemed to fit in. There were no other children who had the interests I had. I remember feeling the pressure to fit in-very apparent since I am an INTJ female and tea parties and dolls were just not my thing. I loved to learn and studied system after system(ornithology and meteorology were my favorites). I loved to write short stories and spend time alone reading(my mother would find me in my walk-in closet-which I had transformed into my study-reading,reading,reading). When I was a teenager my INTJ ness saved my life. My mother kind of went crazy and made us all try and live her hippie/bohemian lifestyle. If it were not for INTJ authors like Ayn Rand I would have lost it. I love to study very rational philosophies and this was in stark contrast to my mother's hippie-dippiness...Now I am in my forties and this seems to be a catalyst in the sense that I absolutely refuse to be anything other than myself. I will not pretend to like stupid films, I never watch T.V and I will no longer apologize for my braininess. When my friends tell me to "get out of my head" I think "well, someone has to do the thinking around here!. I hate to be told to stop analyzing; this is a ridiculous request.

[Zsych]

I can't say my childhood was bad. My dad might be INTJ. I think my mother is an N of some kind.

My dad did want me to work on people skills more since he saw that as a weakness in himself. He wasn't forceful about it though.

As for generally getting along. I was always selective in my friendships but I usually had at least one close friend and a few less close friends... typically people who were intelligent and different. I was never very popular, but never really unpopular. Some people did think I was fairly strange.

As a kid, I got along well with my dad's friends, and other intelligent people, scientists etc.

Overall, I think I never really tried to conform to my surroundings. I remember thinking as a kid that my friends were people who could adapt to me, 'cus I was not going to adapt to them.

[Infernal]

While I have crafted my own personality, I suspect most of the work was done by genetics. My INFP mother is overly-sensitive, and talking with her is like walking on eggshells; anything was perceived as a frontal attack. Even though my parents are divorced and I'm under the nose of a single custodial parent, my INTJ dad supports the science behind my statement; we are almost exactly alike, and rarely did I ever visit him. Only difference being is that my hostility doesn't elude as easily, I can repress anger a lot better than that fiendish bastard.

Since I'm an only child, I've played a role as my own master; mind over my own matter. I've raised myself as an individual, and that clearly shows when I'm placed in the norm. I wonder what reality is like.

[AustinJ]

your genes will prevail!!

[El Cas]

Well growing up was not that much fun. My Parents tried their best to mold me but being the oldest and INTJ did not go to well (if they only knew how hard that was going to be). They wanted to use me so my siblings could follow my example. My dad seem to favor my brother since he was/is like him ISTJ. My mom is xSFx with a strong F so talking to her is a troublesome task. Everything must be waterdown to ensure she does not over-react.

I got tag as "gifted" and was used occasionally used as the trophy child. My independence and questioning everything was always making me clash with my father (I was breaking his mold of how things should be).

Overall I think it wasn't to bad but it sure was a hassle being the odd one in the family.

[t3hrubikscube]

I had a good childhood. My parents have always been very cool, and they've always supported me. Occasionally they give me crap for being the way I am, but they haven't made it hard for me to be who I am.

I haven't really felt pressured to conform too much, though I did feel that way at the beginning of my first semester of college (just a few months ago, actually). For really the first time in my life I felt the pressures to conform to the normalcy of my surroundings. I felt like I should be living on campus and being loud and making tons and tons of new friends, and then I felt badly about myself when I wasn't doing any of those. Now I don't care at all and I'm going to do the college thing in my own way.

[Shirley]

At some point I asked my own family to take the same test online, and surprisingly enough I discovered both my parents are introverts. At home I received little social conditioning: actually, I was mainly left to learn on my own from about 12 years of age onward. Social conditioning happened at school, where other students attempted to teach me to be ashamed of who I am. About all I got at home was my parents trying to get me to be less shy, because obviously this would logically lead to me somehow being accepted by the other students at school.

It didn't work, I just ended up staying away from people. Eventually, I stopped caring about the imposed desire for friendship and have been happier ever since. :D

[Billy Hardcore]

My personality definitely evolved on its own and my parents didn't tend to interfere too much, which I am thankful for. I was naturally good and did my best in school so they never had to worry about

I am naturally athletic, but I don't know if I would have taken an interest in sports if my uncle wasn't the coach in little league and soccer. I became obsessed with baseball though; I collected baseball cards and memorized the stats on all the players and loved playing it. I got very discouraged in middle school when my talent seemed to hit a low, and after a year of trying to get me to stick with it, my mom let me stop playing.

I also had a natural ability to look at things and draw them, so my mom encouraged that.

Unfortunately, in high came an 'interest' in apathy, and I stopped seeing the point in doing so many pointless things, and so I kinda burned all the bridges I had built. With school (not trying to get in NHS, grades dropped but I still maintained B's) and sports (stopped soccer after JV because the coach was a fucking idiot).

The only 'molding' that took place was my father's homophobic speech. I think he thought I'd grow up gay, so he tried nipping that in the butt by constantly saying it's a choice, wrong, gays go to hell, etc.

[LCJ]

I never really felt the pressure to conform. That was largely because I had parents that realized the type of person I was early on. I suspect my father is an INTJ as we are just alike in many ways. My mother was unconcerned about what most people thought of her child rearing. I have an older and a younger sister. My parents had a basic rule: this is not an equal household. I did not truly appreciate it until I was older. My parents understood that we had different needs. My older sister is definitely an E while my younger sister is an I like me.

My parents resisted basic efforts by the school and others to force me to conform even on basic things. For example, I did not have a dominant hand until I was about 8 years old. The school wanted to force me to be right handed but my parents refused to allow it. Eventually, at my own request my parents agreed to homeschool me because I had no love for high school and its atrocious social conditioning.

My father's side of the family was not impressed by my parent's approach. they were extreme conformists. My father's childhood mirrors many of the others in this thread in that he had extremely high test scores but his parents felt burdened that he wasn't like his siblings. They never really approved of me either but I really didn't care. Now though, they seem to want to get in touch with me and be close but that train left the station a long time ago.

[athenian200]

That sounds brutal.

I'm glad you're done with all of that, and that you didn't lose your sense of self.

Anyway, the pressure to conform has largely resulted in me withdrawing from society simply because I CAN'T conform. I tried. I would like to, but I really don't have it in me. I'm beginning to suffer some of the negative effects of this, however, and I'm looking for people who won't shun me for who I am. I don't need a lot of people... but I do need some.