How intensive is contact between you and your parent(s)?

[Lucky]

Do you see each other often, do you often communicate by e-mail/text message?

Last week my mother phoned up and she reprimaned me that I did not let them hear from me for a number of weeks.
Recognizable?

[SelfMadeBum]

Yes; when I'm away from home I cut off all contact and usually hear about it when I get back.

I don't care.

What am I going to call her and say?

[Necrosis]

Yes; when I'm away from home I cut off all contact and usually hear about it when I get back.

I don't care.

What am I going to call her and say?

I moved out this past summer. I visit my mom every weekend mostly to see my nephew (6 months). Otherwise I wouldn't bother. She gets mad I don't call her every week. But honestly.... Wth would I say... hey mom.. im alive?

[True Rune]

I live with my dad. (Free rent during college) but not much contact, but he doesn't seem to mind.

Don't talk to mother, but we're on good terms..kinda.

[SelfMadeBum]

My father lives a few houses down and might as well dwell on another planet; I think he's a bad kind of INTJ.

[Crazyblue]

I call my mother about once every 6 months. Not much to say really. Can't say we left on the best of terms, but I know that she cares at least.

Haven't spoke with my father for over 10 years, nor do I care to. Not that I hate him or anything, I just see nothing to be gained by digging up the past.

[liquidzilla]

I'm very close to my mum and sister and like to talk to and see them on a regular basis. I feel quite comfortable with them and they are both very interesting people (both INFJs, but my mum is almost equal in the T and F department).

[Airius]

None of my immediate family is very close.

[The Drifter]

For the moment I live in their house and avoid talking to them.

[Seriously]

Both my parents died 11 years ago. It would be nice to hear from them.

[jonnyb]

OP question. Yes recognizable. I tend not to go between communications as long as you stated. My mom is older and I am obliged to check on her periodically to make sure she isn't fallen at the bottom of the stairs and can't get up with the mice coming out of the walls and nibbling on her. I also remind her of the reality of the possibility as I've seen other old people soliciting my services that experienced the exact scenerio (maybe minus the mice part) I mentioned. I would say the longest between interaction is ~ 5 days.

Besides, my mother has better ways than guilt of procurring my attention (at least in this area)......*phone rings* "JonnyB, this is mom. I have a fresh peach pie I made for you to take home. Come over when you have a minute." Ingenious. I have to visit to get the pie and then another time to take the pie plate back, she only uses one pie plate for peach pies....at least that is what she tells me. I always wondered where I get my sneakiness from.

[JustMel]

When I lived in the same state with my mother and stepfather they heard from me weekly. Then for a while when my mother and I weren't speaking I didn't have any contact with them for over a year.

Now that I'm 1500 miles away we talk a couple of times a month most months. On occasion we'll go that long without talking to one another. We call when there's something to say.

My bio father I haven't spoken to in almost 20 years. Not a big loss. I leave a voicemail on his cell phone every year but he doesn't respond. I send him birth announcements when the kids are born and he keeps the pics but sends the announcement back. He's a douche.

My grandfather who raised me I talk to everyday and he has dinner with us 3-4 nights a week.

[Clearvision]

My mom is my polar opposite, ESFP most likely, but she's a jewel and I call or she calls once a week. Sparks fly sometimes, but we stay connected -- its worth having a parent, even when you don't always see eye to eye.

Becoming a parent made me appreciate her in ways I had never recognized or acknowledged before.

[gypsy stardust]

I talk to my mother every few weeks, I guessm when we're going somewhere and inviting her to come or it's someone's birthday or something. She lives three blocks away, I should probably have more contact. I did stop in more often when my grandmother was still alive - she was more of a mother to me than my mother was, but since she died about 5 years ago, I find less reason to drop by.

I never call anyone without a reason for calling. I can't even imagine how uncmfortable a conversation we would have if I called my mother to say "hi". She'd probably think I was trying to find a way to break bad news or something.

My father died over 20 years ago.

[admittedheretic]

I talk to my mother on the phone about every other day. My father maybe averages out to be once every 2-4 weeks. He was never been much of a talker and I actually think I've grown to talk to my mother more as I've gotten older.

[Causa Mortis]

Talk to mom about once a week, dad about once a month because he's not very nice and hasn't done anything with his life in about 4 years.

[Samoan Corleone]

I live with both of them. We talk everyday.

[opifex]

I am horrible about not contacting people if I don't see them for more than a week or two. I haven't spoken to one of my half sisters in over 3 months, another in over 6, and another is over a year. I last spoke to my full-sister 2 months ago. It's not that I don't enjoy talking to them, but I find that, like most people said, I never have much to say. I am very habitual, so I rarely have a whole lot going on my life to talk about.

I try to call my parents every 1-2 weeks anymore, esp. after my mom freaked out when I first moved to college. She didn't hear from me for a month and called the cops. My dad is older (=78), and being 22 I want to make sure I keep in touch with him as much as I can. I think my parents understand, but at the same time I get the feeling they are hurt by my apparent lack of need for contact.

I think the real reason I don't call other people after an extended absence is fear of rejection. During the initial stage of not calling, if the thought does arise, I usually squelch it and tell myself they will be unhappy with me for not calling before then. Obviously this is a backwards way to think, and I've been working more on staying in touch, but I really just don't need as many contacts.

[t3hrubikscube]

Well, I still live at home, so I see them on a daily basis. I don't often sit around and just chat with them, though. I do like to accompany them to the store occasionally.

When I move out, I imagine I'll keep in close contact with them via emailing and texting, but I don't like to talk on the phone.

[Warrior]

I talk to my parents about once a month and may exchange an email with my mom about as often. No big deal, we just don't need to talk all the time.

My wife on the other hand talks to her parents at least once every three hours between 8AM and 10PM.

[MakingIn]

I try to call every few weeks, but that is more so for their sake than mine. I'm lucky in that I genuinely really like both of my parents. I just hate talking on the phone, and don't like being forced to make conversation.

[Latro]

At present I live with them. We talk a fair bit; I talk to my father more than I wind up talking to my mother.

[runoverazebra]

I talk to my mom more than my father. I avoid talking to my mom more than once a week; she drives me up a wall. I rarely initiate an unnecessary phone call with either, although I am more likely to take a call from my mom. I purposely avoid talking to my father at all times. They both wish that I called home more, but I am not going to change my habits at this point.

[Shauru]

I got long months without talking to my Mother, I think she's my total opposite as far as MBTI goes, plus she was always a little crazy. I live with my Dad, we get along well enough, but I just never have anything to talk to him about.

Does anyone else end up feeling a bit guilty that they don't seem to talk to their immediate family, or strongly care what they're up to?

[SeaCzar]

I've only talked to my parents twice in the last three years. The conversation is a trifle one-sided. Only my parents could have chosen a mausoleum with all southern exposure overlooking a lake.

[elizaholt]

Basically never. We don't even live in the same country. I think a short email was about it.

[brdmadgrl82]

I talk to my father every week or week and a half...our relationship is very external and artificial, it always has been. I came from an environment you don't talk about feelings and success is very important. He's fun though...we go to concerts once in awhile...He is an extrovert for sure. I am not allowed to mention my mother (they are divorced). My relationship with her is pretty much non-existant I call her once-twice a year and my brother has a better relationship with her. She is mentally ill and associates me with my father who she blames for destroying her life...yup.

[DanteFalling]

My mom's adorable and facebooks about once every few weeks. We talk on the phone maybe once a month.

The first semester of college, I called her once. But I think we get along fairly well. She's an INFP. Emphasis on P.

I barely know my biological father, and messages or phone calls from him seem, well, presumptuous in content. I do want good things for him in his life, but I don't know that he'll recognize them.

[daydreamer]

how intensive? too intensive... i'd like it to be more frequent and less intense lol

[Brittle]

Haven't spoken to my mother in 7 years or so. Don't care to ever speak to her again.

My dad and I talk every few weeks - which is a big improvement.... it used to be every few months. Same with my favourite brother - mainly birthdays and Christmas. Funny thing is, we get along fantastically, we just don't see the need to "chit-chat" for no reason (I think dad is also an INTJ and my brother is an INFJ).

I have 2 other half-brothers and a half-sister, none of which I have spoken to since I stopped speaking to my mother. Mainly because they lived with her, but now because I wouldn't know where to find them and I wonder if they'd give a damn.

Can't say it bothers me much. If I feel the need to talk to someone, I give them a call. I expect the same from them.... if you want to talk to me, call me - don't sit by the phone waiting for me to ring, or you'll be sitting there a damn long time!

[Tracer Bullet]

I talk to my mother once or twice a week. We've gotten closer as I've gotten older.

My dad's another story. He calls me every three or four weeks and we talk for 10-15 minutes. I rarely have any desire to call him.

[Murky Muse]

My mom's a worry wort dealing with her only child going off to college, so I decided to make it easier on both of us and call once a day. My dad I only talk to if he answers the phone instead of my mom; we're not on bad terms but we're not very close either.

[Mader]

I communicate with parents regularly - different states.

Siblings, less so, but still no problem, just nothing interesting to say.

Yes, I went thru the 'Mom, just leave me alone' stage. This often happens when we are developing into our own adult selves. Unless there are real problems, this gets better as we get older less to rebel against, less need to rebel. All normal.

[Amherst Fallen]

Hi Lucky - well we're almost exact opposites, but I count myself lucky too. Family is close-knit and growing up that could prove suffocating for an INTj. Once, during a 3-month sabbatical living abroad with the then-bf, mom would like clockwork call each week. Bit too much, since we don't have much to talk abt - our logics clash. However, we're good activity partners - cooking, sewing, crafting. Mom's ESFj. In the Socionics sense, we would be duals, but because our values/worldview differ so greatly, we [ok, I] just keep the talking to minimum.

I'm tight with dad, oh boy, I think I'm a daddy's girl, altho sometimes I wished he could have have been less of an ESFP. When I was in my early teens, I used to get pretty worked up when he keeps going on tangents in conversations and that we never have a real debate. I used to show him charts on logical reasoning and the scientific enquiry in high school - it was hysterical. Now I just enjoy his funny stories. In person.

[zibber]

Moms - Grew apart, not in touch.
Pops - I live on his boat. Not one for substantial conversation. I politely listen to his work stories (which are all there is, every day, all of the time).

[Corvidophile]

When I was younger, keeping in touch with my parents was not a priority. I don't think that's out of the ordinary for a person in their late teens/early twenties. I thought they were fine with their own lives and had no need to be checked on, or to check in on me as I was an adult myself.

Well, my father recently told me that not long after my parents' divorce he tried to kill himself. He overdosed on painkillers and lay in a coma for three days until he woke up half-dead and covered in his own vomit and feces. Sorry for the details, but I wanted to make a point. If one of your parents is alone - please do call them. You never know what they're battling internally and I've never forgiven myself for not noticing at the time, or caring enough to ask.

These days, I visit my dad once a week (he's remarried and ok, thankfully) and call him a few other times. My mom lives far away and I Skype or MSN with her a few times a week.

[Aurelia]

Yes. I talk to my parents every 2 weeks now because they are the ones who will usually call. I tend not to notice too much time passing by.

[Nightsun]

I see or call my mother once a week, I see or call my father once a mounth. More will be too much.

[Guybrush]

I come from a family of bogans (Australian rednecks). I got tired of my family telling me the way I live my life is wrong and that I should be more like them. I interact with them as little as possible.

[Firebrand]

I try to stay away from my family with rare few exceptions. My family thinks everyone should fit into a box and that "you're wrong and strange" if not. Thanks, but I'd rather go pick out socks than deal with that crap. Trying to point out my family's conventional "one-size-fits-all" approach to life has not been successful either. You can't destupify stupid.

[tp6626]

Not great. Pretty distant, to be honest.

They never visit, and the only time I see them is when I go back to my home town. I moved back in temporarily in June for about 4 weeks, and then couldn't take it so moved out. I think it offended them that I'd rather pay to live elsewhere.

My relationship with my parents isn't the same as others'. I've known that since I was at least 11. Physical contact is a no-no. I can't remember the last time there was any. Must have been way before I was 11.

That age stands out because I went on a school trip to France. We left from school in the night. It was the first time any of us would have been away from our parents for more than a night or two. It was a week long.

So, I got dropped off. Jumped out the car, said a quick goodbye, and off I went carrying my bag onto the coach. Then I sat on the coach, watching all the other children hugging parents, crying, having their bags carried for them and being generally mithered over.

And it stuck in my mind that my mum was probably already back at home in bed. :(

Even now, come to think of it, they've never been to my new flat, and don't even know where it is. They've never asked for the address, and express no interest in visiting.

Occasionally I will get a text off my mum asking if I'm ok because I haven't been in touch for a few weeks.

But generally, I'm only contacted when a computer needs fixing, or when I have to buy a birthday card or present for someone. :(

[Moxie1]

I can't believe how similar most of these responses mirror my own views on my parents !

I speak to my mother and father each about once a week, but usually it's kind of painful and labored because there's not much to talk about. If I need anything from them/they have a question, I prefer email (I have the control and can take the time to make an articulate reply)

[tp6626]

You know, I remember watching a program about a guy who deciphered a hyraglyphic language decades ago (I think it was called spira B or something like that).

Anyway, he was a genius (likely and INTJ - :)). But the program went into his relationships somewhat. The funny thing was, which I identified with, was that him and his wife both spoke of not talking to each other for long periods. Not because they didn't get on, but because they just didn't have anything to say to one another.

They were of the opinion they'd already said everything there was to each other already.

It was a strange thought, but I think I understood it.

They must have both been similar types though for that to happen.

[d21]

No contact with my mother at all. It bugs me more the older I get but I do know where she is and I could call at anytime. I don't call though. The person that caused the split is still in the picture so I wonder what would be gained by re-establishing contact? Feels like just dredging up old bad feelings or worse...


I have a good relationship with my dad and talk to him at least monthly. I've always had more of a buddy-buddy type relationship with him than a "loving" one. I think we have similar personalities so neither of us gives each other crap about it though. But whenever he needs help I'll always be there to at least offer a solid solution, if not provide the solution myself.

Most of the rest of my family (minus my paternal grandma) I can take or leave. I spend a holiday with them yearly and that's plenty enough for me.

[Daisy McRae]

I speak to my Mum once a week maybe, and visit her and my Dad every few weeks, just to keep each other updated on our lives basically. We're not especially close though and unless anything spectacular's happened we run out of things to say pretty quickly, as none of us is much good at small talk.

[MassHysteria]

My mother died when I was in high school, but we had never been close. This might have changed as I grew older, and lately I wish she were here.

I will probably never speak to my father again.

[Krazy P]

My parents have passed away. My contact was fairly frequent.

[sunlover]

Do you see each other often, do you often communicate by e-mail/text message?

Last week my mother phoned up and she reprimaned me that I did not let them hear from me for a number of weeks.
Recognizable?

For a different perspective: I lost my mother at age nine due to cancer. I can't even begin to tell you how many times in my life I wish I had my mom still on this earth. You lose a lot when you lose your mother. There's never a replacement.

[LCJ]

I speak with my parents nearly every day. I am quite close to them. My mother more so than my father (the time difference often means that he gets home after I am off to bed). Sometimes it is short, sometimes we talk for hours.

[cullen24]

They are in their 70's and I call every two weeks to check on them. Only child, 1500 miles away

[gwilendiel]

Well, I'm an INTJ and I think my dad is an ENTJ.

He's my only surviving parent right now. We don't talk that often and when we do it's usually about something. Like either a philosophical discussion or problem solving. In fact our discussions are almost always informative or academic in some way... we rarely talk about anything emotive.

I do try to catch his birthday and Father's Day etc, and say or do something nice, because he's my dad, but other than that... there's no 'why haven't you called me?' or whatever.